NationStates Jolt Archive

A friend just called to tell me their event management company needs someone to work two conferences next week and the week after that because they mis-planned the dates and now don't have enough people to cover it themselves.

I would have been free for one of those, but I didn't want to do it for a variety of reasons, the most important of which is that I simply didn't want to do it. :p

So I said no.

Which she clearly didn't expect because I pretty much never say no.
So now I'm both annoyed that she would make me feel guilty about "letting her down" when it's their fucking fault for not planning right (I've never worked for that company before, go hire someone, you twits, I don't even know you!) and at the same time I feel guilty because I said no and let her down.

Gah!

In my experience the inability to say no is overwhelmingly one my female friends have, much more so than any guys I know.

Why is it so hard to say no? Does it get easier with practice?

Why is it so hard to say no? Does it get easier with practice?

No
*that was tough*

i hate saying no, but its largely because i tend to feel the reason behind my saying no could be considered invalid, silly, or selfish... and those are things i don't particularly want other people thinking about me.
then there's the problem of letting people down, and people considering me unreliable...

but i have gotten better at it in recent months/the last year, largely because i opened up about my reasoning for saying no to most things (such as going out to the pub, etc) and was not shot down in a hail of laughter. i suspect the difficulty in saying no is still there, however.



anyway, i just worked at two conferences in the last week, and i say you probably chose well to say no :p

I can say no, and frequently do. If someone wants something done and they come to me, I will refuse to do it if they're not willing to do it themselves, or if the only reason they need it done is because they fucked up.

It may not be fun, but it beats saying yes all the time.

Does it get easier with practice?
Yes, it does. You simply have to think one thing before answering: Ask yourself if you really want to do that. If you don't, just say no. :p

No
*that was tough*
Damn. Well done, though! ;)
i hate saying no, but its largely because i tend to feel the reason behind my saying no could be considered invalid, silly, or selfish... and those are things i don't particularly want other people thinking about me.
then there's the problem of letting people down, and people considering me unreliable...
I don't know why I have such a hard time with it. I guess because I want everybody to "like me". :rolleyes:
I even had a reason why I couldn't have done the first date because I have friend visiting at that time but when I said that it STILL sounded like a lame, invalid, selfish excuse - when at the same time the reason that the girl who called me can't work the dates herself is because she has family visiting at the time. Gah!

anyway, i just worked at two conferences in the last week, and i say you probably chose well to say no :p Hehe, I work in conference organisation myself (which is why she called me, we used to work for the same company) so yeah, who wants do voluntarily do those things? :p

I voted No on the poll because...It amused me, and I had to.

But sure I can, I guess, since i'd have been working a midnight shift at work tonight otherwise (no thanks). It's easier when it's work rather than a friend, though. Doesn't mean I particularly enjoy doing it, either.

Yes, it does. You simply have to think one thing before answering: Ask yourself if you really want to do that. If you don't, just say no. :p

:eek:

Nah, that wouldn't work. You can't really go through life like that, that would doom all your social relationships. I'd guess most of the things we do for others are things we don't necessarily really want to do.

:eek:

Nah, that wouldn't work. You can't really go through life like that, that would doom all your social relationships. I'd guess most of the things we do for others are things we don't necessarily really want to do.

Well, let me put it this way: If you get the feeling that others are asking you and only you and you get the impression that they are taking advantage of you, then you should definitely say no.

If all those people whom I've helped move were to help me, I wouldn't have to carry a single item out of my apartment...

So, I'm definitely saying no whenever I don't feel like I should do anything.

Well, let me put it this way: If you get the feeling that others are asking you and only you and you get the impression that they are taking advantage of you, then you should definitely say no.

If all those people whom I've helped move were to help me, I wouldn't have to carry a single item out of my apartment...
Oh boy, the infamous Moving Help, yeah... I love it how people would call you up after you haven't from them in a year just to tell you that they move next Sunday and if you would come help.

Well, I usually get out of things I don't want to do by making up a story about being busy, being away, or something. :/

It's a lie, but it lets me avoid telling them "Uh, no, actually I don't want to help you move, thank you very much."

But, I mean, can you actually tell people that? I mean, what do you say when you say no?

Oh boy, the infamous Moving Help, yeah... I love it how people would call you up after you haven't from them in a year just to tell you that they move next Sunday and if you would come help.

Well, I usually get out of things I don't want to do by making up a story about being busy, being away, or something. :/

It's a lie, but it lets me avoid telling them "Uh, no, actually I don't want to help you move, thank you very much."

But, I mean, can you actually tell people that? I mean, what do you say when you say no?
The truth. That I have ruined my back moving others' stuff for free one time too often, that I don't feel like helping them, that I don't like to help them, that I'm too lazy to move their shit.

You'd be amazed how that works. :D

The truth. That I have ruined my back moving others' stuff for free one time too often, that I don't feel like helping them, that I don't like to help them, that I'm too lazy to move their shit.

You'd be amazed how that works. :D
Are they still your friends after you tell them that?

Are they still your friends after you tell them that?
My real friends don't have to ask me. The others were never friends to begin with. ;)

My real friends don't have to ask me. The others were never friends to begin with. ;) Hm, true.

But everybody has people who are just "good acquaintances", not "best friends". Or even just co-workers or whatever. I can't really see alienating them all.

It gets much easier with practice. I tell people NO on a regular basis. From employees that are trying to get excessive time off to people calling up and harrasing me for "free" meals in the name of (insert charity here) at my restuarants. If you said YES to everyone then your life would be run by everyone else. I say do what is in your or your family interests first. Everything else is charity. I limit myself to a set amount of charity work. So should everyone else.

I find its easy to say no...apart from to my family.

I'm going to a goddamn pantomime tonight because for some my dad got 2 tickets for it and for some reason my mum cant go so he asked me.

I mean, a pantomime? People still go to those things?

It gets much easier with practice. I tell people NO on a regular basis.
Oh well, maybe I should start practicing then.
Quick, somebody ask me something! :p

I find its easy to say no...apart from to my family.

I'm going to a goddamn pantomime tonight because for some my dad got 2 tickets for it and for some reason my mum cant go so he asked me.

I mean, a pantomime? People still go to those things? Hee. I actually like pantomimes. I'd go for you. ;p

I find its easy to say no...apart from to my family.

I'm going to a goddamn pantomime tonight because for some my dad got 2 tickets for it and for some reason my mum cant go so he asked me.

I mean, a pantomime? People still go to those things?

I would suggest heckling the performers. You would be doing a small service to the community. Perhaps people would be so annoyed and angered by your constant badgering of the performers they won't do it again next year. Think of it as a public service.

I find its easy to say no...apart from to my family.

I'm going to a goddamn pantomime tonight because for some my dad got 2 tickets for it and for some reason my mum cant go so he asked me.

I mean, a pantomime? People still go to those things?
*pantomimes NO*

I don't know! Mimes are weird...

Hee. I actually like pantomimes. I'd go for you. ;p

Heh, you're welcome to it.

*pantomimes NO*

I don't know! Mimes are weird...

I knew there was another reason I didnt like mimes of the panto variety.

*pantomimes NO*

I don't know! Mimes are weird...

I like to imagine that mimnes are miming whatever but with no pants. (i.e. miming being trapped in a box with no pants)

i prefer saying "nie".

In our State we teach how to say no.
If you are interested just join a certified cheque of £250.
that's for the first lesson.

See you soon

I voted yes, becuase I can't say 'no' to girls.

I would suggest heckling the performers. You would be doing a small service to the community. Perhaps people would be so annoyed and angered by your constant badgering of the performers they won't do it again next year. Think of it as a public service.

or they may begin screaming ethnic slurs at you and you can have your 15 minutes of fame.

Yes, I can say no... to most people.
It's mostly because most of my friends are self-centered douchebags, so it's not very difficult. I can say no to people that I actually like, too, but I normally don't, because, well... I like them.


And there's nothing like disappointing people by making them think you're about to say "yes", and then cheerily saying "no!" :D

I voted yes, becuase I can't say 'no' to girls.
That doesn't make sense.

That doesn't make sense.

He read the poll wrong. Silly Dina.

That doesn't make sense.
You count as a woman silly ;)
I voted yes, becuase I can't say 'no' to girls.

That could have good consequences though.

Who needs to say no? Just say yes, do it badly or not at all and they won't ask you again.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo

You count as a woman silly ;)

Exactly.

That could have good consequences though.

One would hope.

Non!
Nein!
Nyet!
Bu shir!
M-hai!
Nee!
Namoya!
Ne!
Lo!
Iie!
Lay!
Nahin!
Khong!
Hayi!
Animnida!
Nej!
No!

I'm amazing! :eek:

I am veeeeeeery good at saying no. Sometimes I say it too often. I do some little extra things to make myself look good at work, but only things that are fairly easy and fun for me (and often not so much for others). Every time I'm asked to do something, I seem to do a little cost-benefit analysis in my head and the right answer pops out: either "no" or "sure!" I haven't failed yet.

Non!
Nein!
Nyet!
Bu shir!
M-hai!
Nee!
Namoya!
Ne!
Lo!
Iie!
Lay!
Nahin!
Khong!
Hayi!
Animnida!
Nej!
No!

I'm amazing! :eek:
don't forget nie!

Well, I usually say yes to my friends and people I know because I don't have anything better to do or because I want to. When I say no its easy if I just shake my head to tell them I don't want to or I just say I might be able to help them and just tell them later on that I can't so they're more open to the possibility of rejection.

Non!
Nein!
Nyet!
Bu shir!
M-hai!
Nee!
Namoya!
Ne!
Lo!
Iie!
Lay!
Nahin!
Khong!
Hayi!
Animnida!
Nej!
No!

I'm amazing! :eek:

What of the most popular "Ain't gonna happen"?

Hm, true.

But everybody has people who are just "good acquaintances", not "best friends". Or even just co-workers or whatever. I can't really see alienating them all.
Well, it really depends what they want. If it's something they should rather ask their friends for or hire someone, then they shouldn't ask you.
I always get asked about computer trouble - and I have the crappiest machine of those who ask...
Oh well, maybe I should start practicing then.
Quick, somebody ask me something! :p
What's for dinner tonight?
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo
http://planetsmilies.net/star-wars-smiley-6558.gif
I am veeeeeeery good at saying no. Sometimes I say it too often. I do some little extra things to make myself look good at work, but only things that are fairly easy and fun for me (and often not so much for others). Every time I'm asked to do something, I seem to do a little cost-benefit analysis in my head and the right answer pops out: either "no" or "sure!" I haven't failed yet.
Well, hello!
<3http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/hier.gif

What's for dinner tonight?
No.


Way to go, self! :p

saying no sucks. i reckon it does get easier though. or at least, i'm getting better at it. i always feel a bit selfish if i do though.

A friend just called to tell me their event management company needs someone to work two conferences next week and the week after that because they mis-planned the dates and now don't have enough people to cover it themselves.

I would have been free for one of those, but I didn't want to do it for a variety of reasons, the most important of which is that I simply didn't want to do it. :p

So I said no.

Which she clearly didn't expect because I pretty much never say no.
So now I'm both annoyed that she would make me feel guilty about "letting her down" when it's their fucking fault for not planning right (I've never worked for that company before, go hire someone, you twits, I don't even know you!) and at the same time I feel guilty because I said no and let her down.

Gah!

In my experience the inability to say no is overwhelmingly one my female friends have, much more so than any guys I know.

Why is it so hard to say no? Does it get easier with practice?


Its easy to say no, however my friends know that if they ask or whine at me enough then I will cave in and say yes. They just have to put some effort into convincing me or annoy me enough that I say yes just to shut them up.

No.
Way to go, self! :p
No dinner tonight? :(

I'm still learning to say no. Realized not very long ago that I had a problem saying it. Once someone learns to say it and not feel guilt about it. It can be a very good thing.

Lol... technically you can't actually answer that you can't say no, because by ticking the no box you've just said it hehehe

I'm sorry, I'm easily amused :P I positively enjoy saying no, working on the Compaints desk at a Call Centre gives you a cruel streak and overwhelming hatred of all humans.

A friend just called to tell me their event management company needs someone to work two conferences next week and the week after that because they mis-planned the dates and now don't have enough people to cover it themselves.

I would have been free for one of those, but I didn't want to do it for a variety of reasons, the most important of which is that I simply didn't want to do it. :p

So I said no.

Which she clearly didn't expect because I pretty much never say no.
So now I'm both annoyed that she would make me feel guilty about "letting her down" when it's their fucking fault for not planning right (I've never worked for that company before, go hire someone, you twits, I don't even know you!) and at the same time I feel guilty because I said no and let her down.

Gah!

In my experience the inability to say no is overwhelmingly one my female friends have, much more so than any guys I know.

Why is it so hard to say no? Does it get easier with practice?

It depends on how you say no. "No, sorry.." is rather abrupt.

but "Oooh... sorry, I have something going on those days... but if I can get free, I'll let you know." is kinder, it says you are willing but cannot, (you don't have to specify what you have planned, if she presses, just say it's a "family matter" or "Prior Committment."

and if she tries to make you feel guilty, just say "sorry, I wish I could but I can't."

I usually find it pretty difficult to say no...I'm more likely to hum and hah to try and get the other person to say "well, if you can't, I can always ask someone else". If they don't I usually end up saying yes...

I usually find it pretty difficult to say no...I'm more likely to hum and hah to try and get the other person to say "well, if you can't, I can always ask someone else". If they don't I usually end up saying yes...

*takes notes*

What you do is say 'no I can't do that, I'd like to but it's against regulations. [i]repeat ad nauseum'

I live close to the bone and need peoples help a lot, so I tend to give it when asked just to feed the karma bank. Which is not to say that sometimes I don't beg off.

Having a weird schedule makes that a little easier. Also being broke makes it easy sometimes, becuase I can't afford to do anything or I'm sitting still on something else, etc. Usually though it's begging off on something social I don't want to do like go to a bar or a concert for a band I don't like.

In my situation, extra work is extra work, though, so I don't turn that down very often. I dislike freebies, though, if I don't know the crew. Pay me, dammit, or sell me on the idea. I don't need 'practice.' Sorry, unrelated rant...

I use, "I'm already booked." Since I don't actually ask what I'm going to do for gigs, it's easy for me to get by the next question, "What are you doing?" And since flaking is common, too, I can get by the "How was it?"

You can construct-"I already got something going on that weekend, big schoolfamilyfriendwork-thing." Then, after the fact-"Oh man, I feel horrible, turns out my deal fell through and I totally could have helped you out, but I didn't know it was going to collapse until too late. How'd it work out?"

Hmm generally I have a lot of trouble saying 'no', unless something really stupid will occur if I say yes.

*takes notes*

Ah come on now, what can you possibly do with the information that I find it difficult to say no? :p

Ah come on now, what can you possibly do with the information that I find it difficult to say no? :p

*shrug* I dunno, but it may be similar to whatever you can do with the information that I can't say no to girls.

Meh.

replace the word "No" with a simple "Fuck off!"

See if you find that any easier! :p


Killing people also makes them stop asking you to do stuff...... ummm....so I've been told!:p :D
*shifty eyes*

Why is it so hard to say no? Does it get easier with practice?

I dunno....

*offers practice*

Hey baby! Do you fancy going on a date sometime?;)

*shrug* I dunno, but it may be similar to whatever you can do with the information that I can't say no to girls.

Well...now that I know you can't say no to girls...

Well...now that I know you can't say no to girls...

Err...Oops.

I dunno....

*offers practice*

Hey baby! Do you fancy going on a date sometime?;)
No.



It totally worked. Thanks! :p

Here's more situations for you to practise on:

a) http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/nono.gif

b) http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/keks.gif

c) http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/frog_kiss.gif

d) http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/bath.gif

e) http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/sandkasten.gif

f) http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/cum.gif

g) http://www.section.at/img/smiley/grabsch.gif

h) http://www.section.at/img/smiley/geige.gif

b) http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/keks.gif


Ich liebe kekse!!!!! :eek:
Danke schön Herr Nightmare!

Ich liebe kekse!!!!! :eek:
Danke schön Herr Nightmare!
Sehr schön. Du darfst Dir gerne noch einen nehmen.

Sehr schön. Du darfst Dir gerne noch einen nehmen.

NEIN SPRICHEN DEUTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, yes, I can say no.

NEIN SPRICHEN DEUTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, yes, I can say no.
Aw, but you see - I offered another cookie because of it. ;)

Apparently, I am the antidote to women unable to say "No."

I would suggest heckling the performers. You would be doing a small service to the community. Perhaps people would be so annoyed and angered by your constant badgering of the performers they won't do it again next year. Think of it as a public service.

I thought you were supposed to heckle the performers at a pantomime.

I'm a push over. :(

I say no a lot...more often than I say yes.

That tends to surprise a lot of people...but I have my own committments, and they are quite numerous. It is rare that I have the inclination to help anyone with anything...unless they are a close friend of mine.

A little quote, I think, is appropriate here...

Do not confuse 'duty' with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.

But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants 'just a few minutes of your time, please — this won't take long.' Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time — and squawk for more!

So learn to say No — and to be rude about it when necessary.

Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you. (This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don't do it because it is 'expected' of you.)

I say no a lot...more often than I say yes.

That tends to surprise a lot of people...but I have my own committments, and they are quite numerous. It is rare that I have the inclination to help anyone with anything...unless they are a close friend of mine.

A little quote, I think, is appropriate here...
That Heinlein quote is great. That's pretty much what I meant, only that he phrased it differently. ;)

An emergency on the part of someone else's poor planning does not constitute a duty for me to do something.

Obviously, if a friend calls me and says, "Please come look after my kid, I just got a call from the school and my other daughter's fallen down the stairs and I have to meet them at the hospital!" the answer is me heading over there post-haste.

My boss once asked me to prepare a 40 minute demonstration of how to use M$ Publisher for "staff development". He then introduced me to the workshop and walked out, leaving me to fill 6 hours and 20 minutes. You bet your ass any time he has asked me since to be involved in staff development, the answer is no. (That doesn't, however, mean that I am not willing to discuss the finer points of using such-and-so program with a colleague who asks me. ;))

The other thing that annoys me is that people assume that since I am an English teacher I have no life and that I will be willing to tutor their cousin's sister's aunt's neighbor on how to write essays free of charge, or that some other person working in my school whom I don't know is somehow entitled to free lessons in learning English when there are perfectly good and inexpensive programs specifically tailored for them out there that are put out by their professional organization. They ask, I say no, they press, I say no, they leave me their number, and I promptly file it in the appropriate place when they've gone.

If a colleague wants me to glance over a letter or essay to proof it, no problem. But I have 170 people whose skills in writing, reading and speaking I am responsible for, and for whom I am compensated for teaching. I hate that people expect that I will give up my limited free time in order to do more work, and expect it to be for nothing.

If I want to volunteer, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish. ;)

No.



It totally worked. Thanks! :p

:( ...anytime;)

I don't say no, i say "Do you mind? Im trying to ignore you!" or something rude but i do say yes sometimes cause its the right thing

:( ...anytime;)
Aww, you're already in my handbag, what more could anyone possibly want? :p

Aww, you're already in my handbag, what more could anyone possibly want? :p

cookies??;)

If it hasn't been said, become a parent. You lean to say no really fast and quite easily.

For me; I work in IT. Saying NO is easy! ;)

cookies??;)
Just poke around a bit in the dark in there, I'm sure you'll find some crumbles in your general vicinity. :p

If it hasn't been said, become a parent. You lean to say no really fast and quite easily.
:eek: Hell no!

See, it works even preemptively. Genius! :p

Just poke around a bit in the dark in there, I'm sure you'll find some crumbles in your general vicinity. :p

Awwww.... I gotta go look for myself in this vast expanse...
*puts on trekking gear*

Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess!:p

*Ewwww a spider!*

*Ewwww a spider!*
So totally not.

So totally not.

Errrr...no of course not, just dark in here, and me with gammy eyes and all:D

*LMAO*

*refrains from posting spider pics*





Also you could try that phrase instead of "NO".:cool: