NationStates Jolt Archive

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Does anyone have any advice for me?


How old are you? I think that's important. I could click on your profile to see if that tells me, but effort is for losers.

If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me

Huh? Based on what. I would've thought that would be the opposite of the truth, but I can also think of things that might make you believe that. Do you have a basis for this, or are you just a wee bit paranoid?

If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away

No, you won't. It's perfectly possible to tell someone you don't want that kind of relationship with them without having to hurt them. Sometimes people get hurt however tactful you are, but they always get over it.

You're life is always going to involve being hurt and hurting other people. It's how you handle these things that counts, because as far as I can tell it's completely unavoidable.

How old are you? I think that's important. I could click on your profile to see if that tells me, but effort is for losers.


I'm 16.


Huh? Based on what. I would've thought that would be the opposite of the truth, but I can also think of things that might make you believe that. Do you have a basis for this, or are you just a wee bit paranoid?


I'm not sure if I have a basis for it. It's just something that I've always felt. I guess these beliefs feel supported by the mythological stories I've read, like Daphne and Apollo.


No, you won't. It's perfectly possible to tell someone you don't want that kind of relationship with them without having to hurt them. Sometimes people get hurt however tactful you are, but they always get over it.

That's sort of comforting, but it still would be easier to have no one like me in the first place.

Hey! Wow. You sound like you have a LOT of issues. If you're neither attractive or unattractive, then you can be "Mediocre". How's that? Or, you could always just kill yourself you whiny little idiot. How old are you? 14?

Hey! Wow. You sound like you have a LOT of issues. If you're neither attractive or unattractive, then you can be "Mediocre". How's that? Or, you could always just kill yourself you whiny little idiot. How old are you? 14?

I have no reason to kill myself. I like my life. This is only really a problem when people compliment me.

We all feel like this once in a while. But if we don't experience pain then we can't appreciate happyness

Nobody is going to hurt you because you're attractive. If someone was going to hurt you then how attractive you are or are not has nothing to do with it.

I'm 16.

Ah. I felt the same way you do when I was 16 (I'm 19 now). I still do feel that way a lot of the time, but I have also learned that not everyone who tells me I look good is lying/trying to hurt me/trying to use me. Of course, there are also people who go through their entire lives without ever really being in a romantic relationship. I suppose it's whatever makes you happy.



That's sort of comforting, but it still would be easier to have no one like me in the first place.

There are ways of making that happen, too. Stop showering and take up mud wrestling:p

Seriously, I've no idea how to prevent that situation from happening, any more than I would know how to make other people like you. You could just make sure people around you know that you don't want that kind of thing. I'm sorry my advice on this bit can't be more useful.

Also, you might want to bear in mind that finding someone to be physically appealing and actually wanting to go out with them aren't always the same thing.

i'm 22 and i still often feel like this. occaisionally someone will tell me i'm attractive or that some girl 'blatantly' fancies me when i'm out or something. but i just end up thinking i could really do without the pressure, cuz if i'm not attractive then i have an excuse for not attracting anyone, but if i am then my only excuse is that i'm a social imbecile. meh, i'll get over it someday, and you will too if you want to i guess :)

Do you feel attracted to others? What would you want to do to/with a person you are attracted to? It would be logical to assume that people may feel the same way about you.

Do not fear compliments. Remember that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
...and I have to admit that I don't find you particularly ugly :)

You shouldn't have to hurt people to make them go away. Relationships can be good, but regardless of that fact it's always you who draws the line. If you don't want to be in a relationship, just say no and don't be in a relationship.

I think you'll learn more as you grow older. As you've said earlier, some of the problems you've had with other people are gone... so maybe this fear/uneasiness will be reduced over time too? I hope so :)

i'm 22 and i still often feel like this. occaisionally someone will tell me i'm attractive or that some girl 'blatantly' fancies me when i'm out or something. but i just end up thinking i could really do without the pressure, cuz if i'm not attractive then i have an excuse for not attracting anyone, but if i am then my only excuse is that i'm a social imbecile. meh, i'll get over it someday, and you will too if you want to i guess :)

Yeah, I get that. It's much easier to blame a circumstance of your genetics that you don't have any influence over rather than realise that your personality might be horribly flawed. :P

There are some serious contradictions in what you posted.

If you feel happy being ugly, there are ways to make yourself ugly. You can get a horrible haircut, wear clothes that don't fit and don't suit you, neglect personal hygiene, chew fingernails, even wear bad make up. But you don't seem to be willing to take any of those actions.
Instead, you present us with nice pictures of yourself and then tell us that you're now huddled up in a corner because we said you look nice.

Which is it going to be? I think the very first step you have to take, honey, is being honest with yourself.

Yeah, I get that. It's much easier to blame a circumstance of your genetics that you don't have any influence over rather than realise that your personality might be horribly flawed. :P

Pffft! Just blame Ruffy! :p

'Tis better to have loved and lost, etc.

Yeah, I get that. It's much easier to blame a circumstance of your genetics that you don't have any influence over rather than realise that your personality might be horribly flawed. :P

Just grin sweetly, and run your hand through your luscious long hair in slow motion. You'll pull.

Just grin sweetly, and run your hand through your luscious long hair in slow motion. You'll pull.

:/

Pffft! Just blame Ruffy! :p

I endorse this post.

Yeah, I get that. It's much easier to blame a circumstance of your genetics that you don't have any influence over rather than realise that your personality might be horribly flawed. :P

heh, yeh, it's a running theme in my life of refusing to take responsibility for my circumstances ;)

..snippage...

1. Why is the idea of someone finding you attractive so uncomfortable to you?

2. Do you have such a low opinion of yourself, that you believe you dont deserve the affection of a mate?

3. Do you find yourself sabotaging any potential relationships you may get into, so that you dont have to take a risk of getting hurt?

If you answer "yes" to any of these, I would seriously reccomend professional therapy.

Im willing to bet theres people out there right now, who are far uglier than you, who are boinking another ugly person right now.

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Smash yourself in the face repeatedly with a brick. If you want to remain ugly, you must work at it. *nod*

*snip*

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Cheer up, emo-kid.

http://www.pacificnet.net/~joelinux/emo/emo.jpg

Pffft! Just blame Ruffy! :p

Best advice in the thread. :cool:

Smash yourself in the face repeatedly with a brick. If you want to remain ugly, you must work at it. *nod*

Cheaper than deconstructive surgery. I like.

So this is what goes on in the mind of an Emo.

I though I was bad as a goth, but at least we had fun and reckless abandonment.

If someone tells you that you are pretty/attractive you should accept their compliments graciously. You don't want to be ugly. this would only subject you to the cruelty of people even more.

At your age you are going to be hurt by loved ones, but this only makes you appreciate the person who makes you happy (eventually). You'll find someone who adores every flaw about you and this is a good thing.

Confidence is something that you should seek do not shy away from.

Live you life, its the only way to find your path.

Get a sex change operation?


... Hey, being male worked for me... [well, that and really high self-esteem that enables me to shrug off pretty much anything including emotional pain, except for occasional bouts of extreme self-consciousness (which, I suppose, doesn't go away until about 20 anyway), but still!]

'Tis better to have loved and lost, etc.
I disagree, quite strongly.

Then again, I had a name for myself at one point on this forum for extreme love-related cynicism, which quickly came to be construed as sexual frustration, so I may as well not bring up that argument again.

sounds like you are a whole world of cazy. if you are worried about being hurt, do as the bloodhound gang say, "save the planet and kill youself".

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Depends on what you really are:

1. Troll? Find a new schtick, this one is getting old, you've done this kind of a thread a few times now.

2. Student? Are you creating this persona to learn something about Internet reactions or to teach somebody? If so, then you're going over the top now and you need to rein it in and make this person more believeable.

3. Honest? If you are honest and truly who you claim to be then you have some severe psychologoical issues and you need some trained professionals to work with you to understand why you are the way you are and if there is anything that can help can you past it all or at least help you to cope with life. Advice on an Internet forum is not what you need.

P.S. the pictures you have posted before claiming to be you are of an attractive person. If it is you, you're going to have to deal with it somehow.

You're life is always going to involve being hurt and hurting other people. It's how you handle these things that counts, because as far as I can tell it's completely unavoidable.

Quoted for truth. Sometimes you say the wisest things.

And if blaming Ruffy doesn't work, blame Bill Clinton. :p

I haven't seen your pictures, but if all these people at NSG say you aren't ugly, who are you, a sixteen-year-old whippersnapper, to contradict them?

Seriously, though, having a relationship and maybe even falling in love at 16 should not be avoided. It'll give you the most exquisitely intense emotions you'll ever feel. Come on out into the sunshine, Chandelier, it's okay, you won't frizzle up and blow away.

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Wow. My only advice is don't think so hard about it. If somebody finds you attractive, take it as a compliment, and leave it at that.

I know what you mean, cuz I'm freakin' sexy and people always come at me with butcher's knives and tire irons and such.

It's a burden I must bear on my shoulders.

I know what you mean, cuz I'm freakin' sexy and people always come at me with butcher's knives and tire irons and such.

It's a burden I must bear on my shoulders.


Yeah I hear that. I love the line they tell me "If I can't have your hott body, then no one can" At that point I have to call the Po-Po, and things get a little messy.

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Your ugly. I don't say this to be mean but it makes you feel safe. So your ugly, now feel safe and happy.:)

You can be pretty and safe at the same time. Look at me! I am a living example of this. I am hott as hell* and I am still single(although I have a potential gal in sight), and no one is taking advantage of me!



*:rolleyes:

Hey! Wow. You sound like you have a LOT of issues. If you're neither attractive or unattractive, then you can be "Mediocre". How's that? Or, you could always just kill yourself you whiny little idiot. How old are you? 14?

Great first post,jackass.
Leave the girl alone.So,she has a problem.She came on here looking for advice,and you start throwing insults her way,even telling her to kill herself.In your first post,which makes it look even worse.
Take your pettyness somewhere else,eh?

Your ugly. I don't say this to be mean but it makes you feel safe. So your ugly, now feel safe and happy.:)

For once I actually agree with this fucking nazi bastard. If it makes you feel better about yourself, than sure. You're ugly. In fact, you're fucking hideous. (But you're awesome anyway.:))

If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad

i suggest you get a therapist of some sort

i suggest you get a therapist of some sort

...and listen to your therapist before you listen to us :)

...and listen to your therapist before you listen to us :)

could be the best advice in the thread.

...and listen to your therapist before you listen to us :)

damn right!
sometimes advice given by random know-it-alls on the internet can be good. for this i have the suspicion that the causes of this problem run deeper than we could begin to stab at, and anything we do would most likely be counterproductive

Do you feel attracted to others? What would you want to do to/with a person you are attracted to? It would be logical to assume that people may feel the same way about you.

I don't feel attracted to others. I don't know what other people are thinking when they are attracted to other people because I've never been attracted to anyone. So I'm left to assume the worst.

Do not fear compliments. Remember that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
...and I have to admit that I don't find you particularly ugly :)

You shouldn't have to hurt people to make them go away. Relationships can be good, but regardless of that fact it's always you who draws the line. If you don't want to be in a relationship, just say no and don't be in a relationship.

I think you'll learn more as you grow older. As you've said earlier, some of the problems you've had with other people are gone... so maybe this fear/uneasiness will be reduced over time too? I hope so :)

I hope so, too. This isn't quite as bad as that was, though, so that's hopeful.

There are some serious contradictions in what you posted.

If you feel happy being ugly, there are ways to make yourself ugly. You can get a horrible haircut, wear clothes that don't fit and don't suit you, neglect personal hygiene, chew fingernails, even wear bad make up. But you don't seem to be willing to take any of those actions.
Instead, you present us with nice pictures of yourself and then tell us that you're now huddled up in a corner because we said you look nice.

Which is it going to be? I think the very first step you have to take, honey, is being honest with yourself.

I know it's contradictory, but I don't know how to stop it.

I usually do wear clothes that are several sizes too large for me and my hair usually is very unkempt. Both of the pictures I've posted here were from times when I had to comb my hair.

It's just that I can't think of myself as anything other than ugly. Even if I can see that I'm not and hear that I'm not, I still can't stop thinking it.

1. Why is the idea of someone finding you attractive so uncomfortable to you?

2. Do you have such a low opinion of yourself, that you believe you dont deserve the affection of a mate?

3. Do you find yourself sabotaging any potential relationships you may get into, so that you dont have to take a risk of getting hurt?

If you answer "yes" to any of these, I would seriously reccomend professional therapy.

Im willing to bet theres people out there right now, who are far uglier than you, who are boinking another ugly person right now.

1. I'm not sure. If people think I'm attractive, they won't think that I'm smart. And I can't get rid of the idea that I'll get hurt, even though I can see that it's irrational.

2. No. I just don't ever want any affection that's not from family members.

3. There are no potential relationships to sabotage. I don't experience attraction.

I am seeing a therapist, but I won't be able to go again for another three weeks, and I started feeling really bad starting last night. I feel much better now, by the way.

Smash yourself in the face repeatedly with a brick. If you want to remain ugly, you must work at it. *nod*

:p

Depends on what you really are:

1. Troll? Find a new schtick, this one is getting old, you've done this kind of a thread a few times now.

2. Student? Are you creating this persona to learn something about Internet reactions or to teach somebody? If so, then you're going over the top now and you need to rein it in and make this person more believeable.

3. Honest? If you are honest and truly who you claim to be then you have some severe psychologoical issues and you need some trained professionals to work with you to understand why you are the way you are and if there is anything that can help can you past it all or at least help you to cope with life. Advice on an Internet forum is not what you need.

P.S. the pictures you have posted before claiming to be you are of an attractive person. If it is you, you're going to have to deal with it somehow.

3 is correct. I know that I have some psychological issues, and I'm trying to cope with them. But I don't understand how people think when they feel attraction. I have no way of knowing that people aren't thinking of hurting me if they find me attractive.

And if blaming Ruffy doesn't work, blame Bill Clinton. :p

I haven't seen your pictures, but if all these people at NSG say you aren't ugly, who are you, a sixteen-year-old whippersnapper, to contradict them?

Seriously, though, having a relationship and maybe even falling in love at 16 should not be avoided. It'll give you the most exquisitely intense emotions you'll ever feel. Come on out into the sunshine, Chandelier, it's okay, you won't frizzle up and blow away.

It's good to know that I won't blow away, but I don't want a relationship. I'm asexual, and I just don't feel those emotions.

Your ugly. I don't say this to be mean but it makes you feel safe. So your ugly, now feel safe and happy.:)

:)

For once I actually agree with this fucking nazi bastard. If it makes you feel better about yourself, than sure. You're ugly. In fact, you're fucking hideous. (But you're awesome anyway.:))

:)

I feel much better now.

Hey! Wow. You sound like you have a LOT of issues. If you're neither attractive or unattractive, then you can be "Mediocre". How's that? Or, you could always just kill yourself you whiny little idiot. How old are you? 14?She sounds a bit more mature than you do. How old are you? 12?

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
Dude, I saw that pic in the other thread. You are so sexy, man. I don't normally go for guys but I got a blue steel hard-on just looking at your... eyebrows.

:p :p :p

Dude, I saw that pic in the other thread. You are so sexy, man. I don't normally go for guys but I got a blue steel hard-on just looking at your... eyebrows.

:p :p :p

What are you talking about? I'm a girl...

I hope so, too. This isn't quite as bad as that was, though, so that's hopeful.
[...]

I am seeing a therapist, but I won't be able to go again for another three weeks, and I started feeling really bad starting last night. I feel much better now, by the way.
[...]

:)

I feel much better now.

Glad to hear it :)


Pffft! Just blame Ruffy! :p

Best advice in the thread. :cool:

...and listen to your therapist before you listen to us :)could be the best advice in the thread.

Damn, I'm on fire today! :D

*Fluffles self* :fluffle: :cool: :p

Glad to hear it :)


Thanks.:) I still don't know how to stop thinking the way I do about this, but at least I feel better now.

gorias demands to see these pictures. gorias is judger of all!

What are you talking about? I'm a girl...
Oh, shit. I must've been looking at the post above and/or below yours. You're not bad, but not good either. I've seen better AND worse. My best advice is listen to everyone else and try to cheer up. May I recommend moderate amounts of decent-quality marijuana as an aid?

Thanks.:) I still don't know how to stop thinking the way I do about this, but at least I feel better now.

First, blame Ruffy. Second, do find some professional help. I'm sure there must be someone at your school or in the community who can listen to you and talk you through the issues. Talking to an actual, live person will be so much better than turning it over and over in your head, or listening to us. ;)

Talking to an actual, live person will be so much better than turning it over and over in your head, or listening to us. ;)
Because we're not actual living people. We're all in your head.

Burn them! Burn them all! Ahahaha!

What are you talking about? I'm a girl...

I believe that was what the ":p :p :p " was for...

As for your problem, people aren't going to be that hurt by a polite "No thanks, I don't really want to go out with anyone right now", if someone asks you out. Or at least, its works/ed for me. And try not to worry about it too much. That's much easier said then done, obviously, but try.

who is this ruffy chap?

For reference, I found the link to the what I posted before, with the picture. (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11951386&postcount=534)

Just grin sweetly, and run your hand through your luscious long hair in slow motion. You'll pull.

He'd be mobbed! :eek:


1. I'm not sure. If people think I'm attractive, they won't think that I'm smart.

Bah, you just have to work a little harder to convince them. :)

There's lots of attractive smart people. I'm good looking (you'll never believe me) and my IQ is 135... although that's not a good measure of intelligence, I admit.

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?


Can I borrow that stick? You know, the one that's in your butt?

Seriously, nobody's going to hurt you for being attractive. They're not going to think you're dumb for being attractive either. You sound like Naliitr.

I wish I was attractive, because I feel bad that I have a beautiful girlfriend, but all she's got is me. Apparently she doesn't mind.

When people say you're attractive, they mean you look good. That doesn't mean that you look dumb. In fact, for many, looking dumb is very unattractive.

Now, I'm not saying that you're lying, but Naliitr is present in my mind as someone who claimed they were asexual but was really just repressing their own thoughts and desires becaue they thought sex was wrong.

You can't go through life without getting hurt or hurting anyone. It happens. Everybody gets hurt sometimes, everybody hurts others sometimes, even if they don't mean to. Pain is part of life.

If you really want to be ugly, shave your head, break your nose, never wash your clothes, etc.

However, I really don't think it's worth it just so people won't find you attractive.

And yes, I am an asshole.

who is this ruffy chap?

Il Ruffino

I don't feel attracted to others. I don't know what other people are thinking when they are attracted to other people because I've never been attracted to anyone. So I'm left to assume the worst.



3 is correct. I know that I have some psychological issues, and I'm trying to cope with them. But I don't understand how people think when they feel attraction. I have no way of knowing that people aren't thinking of hurting me if they find me attractive.

Normally, they aren't thinking "Hey, I'm attrackted to that person". Most of it is feelings, but the conscious thoughts involved are somewhere along the lines of "What a nice person. I really like him/her. And I do enjoy spending time with him/her. I hope he/she doesn't think I'm a weirdo/stupid/ugly/strange. I hope he/she likes me, too."




I know it's contradictory, but I don't know how to stop it.

I usually do wear clothes that are several sizes too large for me and my hair usually is very unkempt. Both of the pictures I've posted here were from times when I had to comb my hair.

It's just that I can't think of myself as anything other than ugly. Even if I can see that I'm not and hear that I'm not, I still can't stop thinking it.

What kind of reaction were you hoping for when posting those pictures?
Did you really think that people would start posting barfing smilies and tell you to never show yourself in daylight again? Not even NS is that bad!



1. I'm not sure. If people think I'm attractive, they won't think that I'm smart. And I can't get rid of the idea that I'll get hurt, even though I can see that it's irrational.

Yep. Cause people here don't think that Glitzi's smart, or that TBD is smart, or even that I'm smart....



It's good to know that I won't blow away, but I don't want a relationship. I'm asexual, and I just don't feel those emotions.

I'm not going to tell you who you are or aren't, but I think an asexual person would be far less interested in sexuality than you seem to be. You come across more anti-sexual than asexual. Althought that's just my impression of what I've seen of you so far on here.

If you want to be ugly, be ugly.

Most of our looks are not directly genetic. Yes, hair color, height, eye color...that is all determinate (although, you can change all of that pretty easily except height)

You want to be ugly, dye your hair garishly, wear clothing that doesn't flatter your body, lease your hair up, etc. It really isn't difficult.

If you want to be attractive, put some effort into it. Again, it really isn't that difficult.

For reference, I found the link to the what I posted before, with the picture. (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11951386&postcount=534)
Uh... you're complaining about what now? If that's you, I'd say you look pretty good.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

No advice to you from me, but only this: you're not alone in this feeling. I am a few stages ahead of you, having already rejected some people because of being afraid to be hurt. But at the end of the day, when you're tired and alone, you suddenly wonder if the potential for pain overshadows the potential of finding someone who can connect to you in the soul. You might not feel compelled right now to take a chance, but once loneliness catches up on you (and it eventually will), maybe you won't see taking a chance as such a bad thing anymore.

<snip>
QFT.

Can I borrow that stick? You know, the one that's in your butt?

Seriously, nobody's going to hurt you for being attractive. They're not going to think you're dumb for being attractive either. You sound like Naliitr.

I wish I was attractive, because I feel bad that I have a beautiful girlfriend, but all she's got is me. Apparently she doesn't mind.

When people say you're attractive, they mean you look good. That doesn't mean that you look dumb. In fact, for many, looking dumb is very unattractive.

Now, I'm not saying that you're lying, but Naliitr is present in my mind as someone who claimed they were asexual but was really just repressing their own thoughts and desires becaue they thought sex was wrong.

You can't go through life without getting hurt or hurting anyone. It happens. Everybody gets hurt sometimes, everybody hurts others sometimes, even if they don't mean to. Pain is part of life.

If you really want to be ugly, shave your head, break your nose, never wash your clothes, etc.

However, I really don't think it's worth it just so people won't find you attractive.

And yes, I am an asshole.

I guess it's not really worth it.

There's lots of attractive smart people. I'm good looking (you'll never believe me) and my IQ is 135... although that's not a good measure of intelligence, I admit.

Mine is 132 as of kindergarten.

Normally, they aren't thinking "Hey, I'm attrackted to that person". Most of it is feelings, but the conscious thoughts involved are somewhere along the lines of "What a nice person. I really like him/her. And I do enjoy spending time with him/her. I hope he/she doesn't think I'm a weirdo/stupid/ugly/strange. I hope he/she likes me, too."


Okay, thanks. That doesn't sound sinister at all.


What kind of reaction were you hoping for when posting those pictures?
Did you really think that people would start posting barfing smilies and tell you to never show yourself in daylight again? Not even NS is that bad!


I didn't know what people would say.


Yep. Cause people here don't think that Glitzi's smart, or that TBD is smart, or even that I'm smart....


I know it's irrational for me to fear that, but I do.


I'm not going to tell you who you are or aren't, but I think an asexual person would be far less interested in sexuality than you seem to be. You come across more anti-sexual than asexual. Althought that's just my impression of what I've seen of you so far on here.

I'm just trying to figure things out because I don't understand. I know I probably seem that way, but I'm just trying to understand.

Uh... you're complaining about what now? If that's you, I'd say you look pretty good.

I was complaining that some people said that I was attractive and it confused me, since I've never thought of myself as attractive.

No advice to you from me, but only this: you're not alone in this feeling. I am a few stages ahead of you, having already rejected some people because of being afraid to be hurt. But at the end of the day, when you're tired and alone, you suddenly wonder if the potential for pain overshadows the potential of finding someone who can connect to you in the soul. You might not feel compelled right now to take a chance, but once loneliness catches up on you (and it eventually will), maybe you won't see taking a chance as such a bad thing anymore.

It's good to see that I'm not alone in feeling like this.

I was complaining that some people said that I was attractive and it confused me, since I've never thought of myself as attractive.
Neither does my wife, but she is indeed very attractive. It's not rocket science, you look attractive to people.

3 is correct. I know that I have some psychological issues, and I'm trying to cope with them. But I don't understand how people think when they feel attraction. I have no way of knowing that people aren't thinking of hurting me if they find me attractive.


Well then, let's use that supposed intelligence of yours then.

Do people want to hurt people they like or people they dislike?

Generally, they prefer to hurt people they dislike.


If people are attracted to you or find you attractive, will that tend to make them like you or dislike you?

Generally people like others they find attractive more than those they do not.


There, you don't even need to experience or understand the feelings to see that your fears are backwards. You really shuld be more afraid of people that find you ugly as they might dislike you or at least treat you with less compassion.

I saw your pic, you're not ugly but you're not pretty either. You should only be pretty for yourself (or ugly, if you like).

But romantic stuff isn't that bad, though I'm not advocating it. A few crushes won't kill you.

But why, exactly, are you afraid of any type of attraction? I know you don't want to cause pain to others but that's life. And one high-school breakup won't cause too much pain, trust me.

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

find a deserted island? ymmv

Ok because i rarely post in this section, i can say what I really think and not give a damn, because heres your chance to be certain what you look like:

Your plain. And im not sure if your a boy or girl.

I saw your pic, you're not ugly but you're not pretty either. You should only be pretty for yourself (or ugly, if you like).

But romantic stuff isn't that bad, though I'm not advocating it. A few crushes won't kill you.

But why, exactly, are you afraid of any type of attraction? I know you don't want to cause pain to others but that's life. And one high-school breakup won't cause too much pain, trust me.

I don't know. I don't experience attraction, so maybe I'm afraid of it because I don't understand it and it seems strange. But thank you.

Well then, let's use that supposed intelligence of yours then.

Do people want to hurt people they like or people they dislike?

Generally, they prefer to hurt people they dislike.


If people are attracted to you or find you attractive, will that tend to make them like you or dislike you?

Generally people like others they find attractive more than those they do not.


There, you don't even need to experience or understand the feelings to see that your fears are backwards. You really shuld be more afraid of people that find you ugly as they might dislike you or at least treat you with less compassion.

That makes sense, sort of. It's just that it seems like attractive people get hurt by people who are attracted to them when they are not attracted to other people, like Daphne in mythology. I'm trying to make sense of this.

It'd probably be better to be average, then, rather than attractive or unattractive. Does that make any more sense than wanting to be ugly?

I don't know. I don't experience attraction, so maybe I'm afraid of it because I don't understand it and it seems strange. But thank you.

No problem. :)

It's rare for me to experience attraction, though when I do I tend to get multiple crushes :(. That's why I try to remain asexual so I don't screw myself and a billion other people over.

And I feel odd when people tell me I'm pretty, I don't think of myself as pretty. I have a big nose and severe acne, plus I'm a twig. Perhaps it was because of my middle school experiences.

No problem. :)

It's rare for me to experience attraction, though when I do I tend to get multiple crushes :(. That's why I try to remain asexual so I don't screw myself and a billion other people over.

And I feel odd when people tell me I'm pretty, I don't think of myself as pretty. I have a big nose and severe acne, plus I'm a twig. Perhaps it was because of my middle school experiences.

Oh. Were you made fun of in middle school? I was, too. Apparently I was considered too pale for a Floridian...

Oh. Were you made fun of in middle school? I was, too. Apparently I was considered too pale for a Floridian...

Yep. I had acne and few friends in middle school. My parents also said I was uber-pale. I'm not so pale anymore (not after band camp) but it really ticked me off. I was also bullied by some kids in my neighborhood for wanting to be included (or something like that...).

Middle school kids should be homeschooled until they can be decent humans again.

Yep. I had acne and few friends in middle school. My parents also said I was uber-pale. I'm not so pale anymore (not after band camp) but it really ticked me off. I was also bullied by some kids in my neighborhood for wanting to be included (or something like that...).

Middle school kids should be homeschooled until they can be decent humans again.

Yeah. It really irritated me when people made fun of me. I wonder if that could have contributed to this problem a little bit.

Yeah. It really irritated me when people made fun of me. I wonder if that could have contributed to this problem a little bit.

Probably. I hated middle school and I don't want to ever go back.

The worst part of it is, the teachers don't even care that you're bullied in middle school, because they almost always pick favorites.:mad:

Probably. I hated middle school and I don't want to ever go back.

The worst part of it is, the teachers don't even care that you're bullied in middle school, because they almost always pick favorites.:mad:

I kind of was a favorite in middle school (and sort of still am in high school) because I'm ranked first in my class and I work harder at school than most people. And I was able to turn the bullying into something good in the end, in that I wrote a speech about it and one third place in a contest, and as a result of that got to go to a luncheon about nanoscience, which really interests me.

I kind of was a favorite in middle school (and sort of still am in high school) because I'm ranked first in my class and I work harder at school than most people. And I was able to turn the bullying into something good in the end, in that I wrote a speech about it and one third place in a contest, and as a result of that got to go to a luncheon about nanoscience, which really interests me.

The only thing I had was band. I never had to write a speech about anything like that. :mad:

Probably. I hated middle school and I don't want to ever go back.

The worst part of it is, the teachers don't even care that you're bullied in middle school, because they almost always pick favorites.:mad:

Hmm...

On one hand, middle school was 3 of the worst years of my life, matched only by sophomore year in high school...

On the other, I'd like to go back, considering that I'm six feet tall and weight 150 now. I can think of a few skulls I'd like to crack... Also, I appreciate what middle school did to me. I didn't learn a damn thing in class, but in the hallways and in the parking lot, I learned how and when to be diplomatic, and I learned how and when to stand up and start swinging...

Oh, and as for:
I have a big nose and severe acne, plus I'm a twig.
A lot of freshies are scrawny and zit-covered. And by a lot... I mean most. It'll clear up.

And your nose is cute. *poke* :D

Hmm...

On one hand, middle school was 3 of the worst years of my life, matched only by sophomore year in high school...

On the other, I'd like to go back, considering that I'm six feet tall and weight 150 now. I can think of a few skulls I'd like to crack... Also, I appreciate what middle school did to me. I didn't learn a damn thing in class, but in the hallways and in the parking lot, I learned how and when to be diplomatic, and I learned how and when to stand up and start swinging...

Oh, and as for:

A lot of freshies are scrawny and zit-covered. And by a lot... I mean most. It'll clear up.

And your nose is cute. *poke* :D

My middle school had grades 5-8, so it was the worst four years of my life. I didn't learn a damn thing either way until 8th grade.

Hmm...

On one hand, middle school was 3 of the worst years of my life, matched only by sophomore year in high school...

On the other, I'd like to go back, considering that I'm six feet tall and weight 150 now. I can think of a few skulls I'd like to crack... Also, I appreciate what middle school did to me. I didn't learn a damn thing in class, but in the hallways and in the parking lot, I learned how and when to be diplomatic, and I learned how and when to stand up and start swinging...

1: Heh, I never had the opportunity to experience anything beyond the third grade. :p

2: I'd like to go back in time and see how different my life would've been had I stayed in public school. It's not as if I really needed the whole "experience", as I'm quite well-rounded as it is. But, going back is an interesting thought anyway. And yeah, there are a few people that I'd like to toss around (especially that jerk who socked me square in the face for no reason whatsoever at the end of a field trip --- yeah, blood all over the place).

As for the topic post... Don't think of yourself as other kids in school do. That's never who you really are, as the kids who treat others that way are just dipshits and assholes. Once you get out into the real world, you'll realise that things will get much better. Much better.

1: Heh, I never had the opportunity to experience anything beyond the third grade. :p

2: I'd like to go back in time and see how different my life would've been had I stayed in public school. It's not as if I really needed the whole "experience", as I'm quite well-rounded as it is. But, going back is an interesting thought anyway. And yeah, there are a few people that I'd like to toss around (especially that jerk who socked me square in the face for no reason whatsoever at the end of a field trip --- yeah, blood all over the place).

As for the topic post... Don't think of yourself as other kids in school do. That's never who you really are, as the kids who treat others that way are just dipshits and assholes. Once you get out into the real world, you'll realise that things will get much better. Much better.

Thank you.

Once you get out into the real world, you'll realise that things will get much better. Much better.

I beg to differ. The amount of shitheads one encounters remains fairly constant through all levels of society. Try working in customer service for a while and you'll see what I mean.

I beg to differ. The amount of shitheads one encounters remains fairly constant through all levels of society. Try working in customer service for a while and you'll see what I mean.

:(

But at least then I can try to stay away from people as much as possible. I'll just have to go to work and then get a secluded house and hire someone to do whatever shopping I would need done for me. That's kind of my dream.:)

For reference, I found the link to the what I posted before, with the picture. (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11951386&postcount=534)

Totally off topic, but oh my fuck, there's a forums4?!

Curses, I'm gonna need to edit my sig.

:(

But at least then I can try to stay away from people as much as possible. I'll just have to go to work and then get a secluded house and hire someone to do whatever shopping I would need done for me. That's kind of my dream.:)
Well, that doesn't mean that all people are worthless, just a significant minority. Though I must say my life has improved since I finished school, since I do have greater flexibility in controlling the people I do associate with. Outside of work, anyway.

But seclusion does sound appealing...

Well, that doesn't mean that all people are worthless, just a significant minority. Though I must say my life has improved since I finished school, since I do have greater flexibility in controlling the people I do associate with. Outside of work, anyway.

But seclusion does sound appealing...

Yeah, it does. I know not all people are, but there are definitely enough to make it worth considering seclusion.

"School was the best time of my life.

Which demonstrates how miserable the rest of my life has been."

- Paul Merton

"School was the best time of my life.

Which demonstrates how miserable the rest of my life has been."

- Paul Merton

Hehehe. :P

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

let me guess you like either some form of "metal" music or are a goth.

Remember beauty is subjective. I looked up your photo, and your not to my taste (forgeting the age difference). But this just means I don't find you attractive. The next poster might look at you and think you are the Venus incarnate.
Also attraction is not solely based on looks, but on many contributing factors that vary not only on what a person finds attractive but in the specific person they're attracted too.
But i'm sure this has all been covered already.
Oh and the whole platonic thing, hey good for you, your choice and all that. Great then don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend just have friends.

P.S. sorry if i don't sound too sympathetic, I can actually relate to what your going through. You will or you won't outgrow this. Time and experience will be the deciding factor. good luck and remember 2 important sentences from the life of Brian: "always look on the bright side of life" & " always look on the bright side of death".

let me guess you like either some form of "metal" music or are a goth.

Remember beauty is subjective. I looked up your photo, and your not to my taste (forgeting the age difference). But this just means I don't find you attractive. The next poster might look at you and think you are the Venus incarnate.
Also attraction is not solely based on looks, but on many contributing factors that vary not only on what a person finds attractive but in the specific person they're attracted too.
But i'm sure this has all been covered already.
Oh and the whole platonic thing, hey good for you, your choice and all that. Great then don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend just have friends.

P.S. sorry if i don't sound too sympathetic, I can actually relate to what your going through. You will or you won't outgrow this. Time and experience will be the deciding factor. good luck and remember 2 important sentences from the life of Brian: "always look on the bright side of life" & " always look on the bright side of death".

Wrong. I'm not a goth and I don't like metal.

Thanks for the advice, though.

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Speak to a therapist about your low sense of self-esteem and fear of intimacy/others.

Now I know I'm attractive ;). I used to be insecure about my looks a long time... then I met this absolutely gorgeous person who fell madly in love with me and eventually worked up the courage to ask me out (I know I soun pig headed, sorry :() aparently they thought I was way out of their league. Funny thing is I thought the same about them...

I'm a lot happier now than I was then, it's all about breaking that comfort barrier. If other people think you're attractive, you probably are.

It's always best to be a realist. Pessimism never really helps, it only leads to your eventual unhappiness. You can live closed up and unhappy, or you can take a chance. You only live once, it's best to never have any regrets.

Now I know I'm attractive ;). I used to be insecure about my looks a long time... then I met this absolutely gorgeous person who fell madly in love with me and eventually worked up the courage to ask me out (I know I soun pig headed, sorry :() aparently they thought I was way out of their league. Funny thing is I thought the same about them...

I'm a lot happier now than I was then, it's all about breaking that comfort barrier. If other people think you're attractive, you probably are.

It's always best to be a realist. Pessimism never really helps, it only leads to your eventual unhappiness. You can live closed up and unhappy, or you can take a chance. You only live once, it's best to never have any regrets.

But if I'm optimistic, I'll be disappointed, and if I pessimistic, I'll be delighted when good things happen. That's what happened in psychology class. We found out that there were no A's on the test and only 5 B's. I panicked the whole class period and then found out at the end of class that I got an 89%. If I had been optimistic and expected an 89%, then I would have been really disappointed if I had a lower score.

Yes, but pessimism causes you to squander chances. Disappointment is also important, it is a learning curve. You need to cope with it, shrug and carry on.

Believe me I used to think exactly the same way. I missed so many good opportunities because I thought I wasn't worth it. I am not going to make that mistake again. If I go for things and don't achieve I don't lose anything. If I don't go for things I could achieve I've lost something.

Shrug and carry on, so what if you didn't get 89%? It's just a mark, it isn't the end of the world. You'll still be alive the next day and be able to do better next time around.

Yes, but pessimism causes you to squander chances. Disappointment is also important, it is a learning curve. You need to cope with it, shrug and carry on.

Believe me I used to think exactly the same way. I missed so many good opportunities because I thought I wasn't worth it. I am not going to make that mistake again. If I go for things and don't achieve I don't lose anything. If I don't go for things I could achieve I've lost something.

Shrug and carry on, so what if you didn't get 89%? It's just a mark, it isn't the end of the world. You'll still be alive the next day and be able to do better next time around.

That also happened to me in middle school, all because of the bullying and favoritism. I knew I wouldn't make any of the teams no matter how good I was, because the coaches didn't know me. I figured "screw it". I never hung around people (except a few friends) because I somehow knew that I'd either be ignored or harassed for my acne.

And an 89% is good. It's not the end of the world if you get a low mark. I'm not an optimist but not really a pessimist either.

Yes, but pessimism causes you to squander chances. Disappointment is also important, it is a learning curve. You need to cope with it, shrug and carry on.

Believe me I used to think exactly the same way. I missed so many good opportunities because I thought I wasn't worth it. I am not going to make that mistake again. If I go for things and don't achieve I don't lose anything. If I don't go for things I could achieve I've lost something.

Shrug and carry on, so what if you didn't get 89%? It's just a mark, it isn't the end of the world. You'll still be alive the next day and be able to do better next time around.

I have to get straight A's. It's the only reason that I have any self-esteem left.

I have to get straight A's. It's the only reason that I have any self-esteem left.

So you're saying if you get anything lower than an A, you'll have no self-esteem?

That actually makes sense.

I normally get B's and C's, and that completely killed my self-esteem in middle school, especially when Trin got straight A's and was on school teams every season.

And this just led me to something, you want some attention (good grades=attention) but not any intimacy. You want to be invisible to any possible boyfriends or crushes, but not to teachers or your parents, who would care about your grades. Is that it?

I beg to differ. The amount of shitheads one encounters remains fairly constant through all levels of society. Try working in customer service for a while and you'll see what I mean.

Oh come on, you work in a supermarket. You have to deal with the dregs of society on a daily basis. :p

Oh come on, you work in a supermarket. You have to deal with the dregs of society on a daily basis. :p

At least she (he?) doesn't have to work in a middle school. I would very deeply sympathize, unless she picked favorites. Then I would gun-smiley him.

At least she (he?) doesn't have to work in a middle school. I would very deeply sympathize, unless she picked favorites. Then I would gun-smiley him.

Resist the urge... To use the gun smiley!

*chokes self with a sock*

I hate shit like this. I know some girl that acts exactly like this. Always whining about how shes ugly and she doesn't deserve anybody, blah blah, boo hoo. She just does it to get attention, end of story.

Later.

I hate shit like this. I know some girl that acts exactly like this. Always whining about how shes ugly and she doesn't deserve anybody, blah blah, boo hoo. She just does it to get attention, end of story.

Later.

Be an ass often?

So you're saying if you get anything lower than an A, you'll have no self-esteem?

That actually makes sense.

I normally get B's and C's, and that completely killed my self-esteem in middle school, especially when Trin got straight A's and was on school teams every season.

And this just led me to something, you want some attention (good grades=attention) but not any intimacy. You want to be invisible to any possible boyfriends or crushes, but not to teachers or your parents, who would care about your grades. Is that it?

Yeah, I guess it does. I've always gotten straight A's. I want to keep my straight A's throughout high school (I'm halfway done with that goal, I guess, since I'm a junior now and I haven't gotten anything less than an A on a report card yet), and I want to keep a 5.0 GPA (straight A's in all weighted classes) for the rest of high school.

Well, I guess I like attention (or can stand it) only as long as I can understand why I'm getting attention. For grades, I can understand why I would get attention. If I wear I cape to school, I don't mind the attention because I can understand why people would stare at me. If people stare at me for reasons that I can't discern (like attraction) then I don't like the attention because I have no clue what they're thinking, and I can't figure it out.

Being able to understand and have things make sense to me is something that is very important to me. It's one reason that I'm good at math. We had a substitute teacher one day and were just given notes and expected to do a quiz (allowed to use the notes and talk to each other, though). On the most challenging question, most everyone just looked at the notes and saw that the problem could be solved exactly the same way as one of the examples and just went with it. But the way the example was done contradicted the rules given earlier in the notes. I solved it in the way that made sense and actually followed the rules for how it worked, went to the substitute, and proved that I was correct. It turned out that I actually was correct and there was a mistake in the notes. I have to make sense out of things, and it works in situations like that. However, in cases like this, where I'm told there is no sense to it, I'm lost. That's why I am so confused, I guess.

You know it's part of my job these days to improve people's feeling of self worth. To get them all worked up about being mistreated and then to get them out on strike. Ah happy days :)

Here are a few hard and fast rules. All attention is good attention. Understanding is overated, mystery is fun. You shouldn't fear the unknown.

It sounds to me like you've had bad experiences. Obviously though you see this current behaviour as negative or you wouldn't be talking about it on here. The question is, what do you want to do about it?

You know it's part of my job these days to improve people's feeling of self worth. To get them all worked up about being mistreated and then to get them out on strike. Ah happy days :)

Here are a few hard and fast rules. All attention is good attention. Understanding is overated, mystery is fun. You shouldn't fear the unknown.

It sounds to me like you've had bad experiences. Obviously though you see this current behaviour as negative or you wouldn't be talking about it on here. The question is, what do you want to do about it?

I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I need for things to make sense to me.

I kind of was a favorite in middle school (and sort of still am in high school) because I'm ranked first in my class and I work harder at school than most people. And I was able to turn the bullying into something good in the end, in that I wrote a speech about it and one third place in a contest, and as a result of that got to go to a luncheon about nanoscience, which really interests me.

Nano-tech, sweet. :D

Nano-tech, sweet. :D

Yeah, it was awesome. I got a free signed copy of a book about it and I got to sit next to and talk to the author.

I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I need for things to make sense to me.

Ah yes, but life doesn't really make sense. What I believe you're looking at is a need to have some handle, some measure of control on your environment. you naturally shy away from other people because you can't predict or control their actions ie you can't make sense of them.

Now I'm not a shrink, so I can only talk from personal experience and from the fact that I did dabble with a degree along those lines for a few years... but got bored, but I think you'll probably find some reason for these problems within your past life. Probably at school.

My suggestion would be you need to locate that problem, acknowledge it and work through it. The important point would be to stress in your mind the difference of your current situation to the situation then. You could also maybe look at some kind of effort to go outside your comfort zone. If someone tells you someone is interested in you, make it your goal to ask that person out. Small steps. After a while you'll begin to realise that in reality most people are far more capable than they give themselves credit.

You shouldn't need to score high marks to maintain self esteem. Try to establish new measurements of success. Some ideas might be personal fitness, dressing well etc etc.

Perhaps you also need to sit down and work out your life goals, then measure your success according to where you are on those. They don't need to be anything you tell anyone else, but having some idea of what you want out of life is very important.

Ah yes, but life doesn't really make sense. What I believe you're looking at is a need to have some handle, some measure of control on your environment. you naturally shy away from other people because you can't predict or control their actions ie you can't make sense of them.

Now I'm not a shrink, so I can only talk from personal experience and from the fact that I did dabble with a degree along those lines for a few years... but got bored, but I think you'll probably find some reason for these problems within your past life. Probably at school.

My suggestion would be you need to locate that problem, acknowledge it and work through it. The important point would be to stress in your mind the difference of your current situation to the situation then. You could also maybe look at some kind of effort to go outside your comfort zone. If someone tells you someone is interested in you, make it your goal to ask that person out. Small steps. After a while you'll begin to realise that in reality most people are far more capable than they give themselves credit.

You shouldn't need to score high marks to maintain self esteem. Try to establish new measurements of success. Some ideas might be personal fitness, dressing well etc etc.

Perhaps you also need to sit down and work out your life goals, then measure your success according to where you are on those. They don't need to be anything you tell anyone else, but having some idea of what you want out of life is very important.

But high marks are a way for me to know that I'm on track for my life goals. And I don't want to ask anyone out, and if someone told me that someone else was interested in me, they would probably not be trustworthy and would be suspicious. Why wouldn't the person themself come? It's hard for me to accept that life can't make sense.

But high marks are a way for me to know that I'm on track for my life goals. And I don't want to ask anyone out, and if someone told me that someone else was interested in me, they would probably not be trustworthy and would be suspicious. Why wouldn't the person themself come? It's hard for me to accept that life can't make sense.

Perhaps the person is afraid of asking someone out....

But making someone else do it for them shows that they're cowardly.

Perhaps the person is afraid of asking someone out....

But making someone else do it for them shows that they're cowardly.

Yes, it does. And it's happened to me before. They almost always approach in a group, giggling, and say, "He likes you. Will you go out with him?" It's just too suspicious. I can tell that they're just making fun of me.

But high marks are a way for me to know that I'm on track for my life goals. And I don't want to ask anyone out, and if someone told me that someone else was interested in me, they would probably not be trustworthy and would be suspicious. Why wouldn't the person themself come? It's hard for me to accept that life can't make sense.

Yes, it does. And it's happened to me before. They almost always approach in a group, giggling, and say, "He likes you. Will you go out with him?" It's just too suspicious. I can tell that they're just making fun of me.

What makes you think that someone coming in person means you're not being made fun of? I had that happen to me once but I have enough common sense to see that I was being made fun of. Although most of the time people just realise that the best way to get me to make an idiot of myself is to not do anything and let it happen.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.
Meh. I'm the same way, except I don't have a problem with relationships. I just think I'm ugly from all the teasing that occurred in primary school. Just can’t really think any way else.

What makes you think that someone coming in person means you're not being made fun of? I had that happen to me once but I have enough common sense to see that I was being made fun of. Although most of the time people just realise that the best way to get me to make an idiot of myself is to not do anything and let it happen.

It's just that people don't come up to me in person and ask me out. They might occasionally yell it out at random, but then it's obvious that they're making fun of me, too. It's a bit more obvious when they come in groups and giggle, anyway.

It's just that people don't come up to me in person and ask me out. They might occasionally yell it out at random, but then it's obvious that they're making fun of me, too. It's a bit more obvious when they come in groups and giggle, anyway.

Yeah, that's just plain wrong. It happened several times last year. :mad:

I say we destroy all middle schools.

Yeah, that's just plain wrong. It happened several times last year. :mad:

I say we destroy all middle schools.

Yes, it is, as well as very annoying.

What is... "beauty"?

What is Truth?

Yes, it is, as well as very annoying.

I've already told you what I think at length so I won't repeat myself.
I'll just wish you luck at straightening things out.
*platonic hugs*

p.s. ever wonder what a Socratic hug would be like?

Yeah, I guess it does. I've always gotten straight A's. I want to keep my straight A's throughout high school (I'm halfway done with that goal, I guess, since I'm a junior now and I haven't gotten anything less than an A on a report card yet), and I want to keep a 5.0 GPA (straight A's in all weighted classes) for the rest of high school.

Well, I guess I like attention (or can stand it) only as long as I can understand why I'm getting attention. For grades, I can understand why I would get attention. If I wear I cape to school, I don't mind the attention because I can understand why people would stare at me. If people stare at me for reasons that I can't discern (like attraction) then I don't like the attention because I have no clue what they're thinking, and I can't figure it out.

Being able to understand and have things make sense to me is something that is very important to me. It's one reason that I'm good at math. We had a substitute teacher one day and were just given notes and expected to do a quiz (allowed to use the notes and talk to each other, though). On the most challenging question, most everyone just looked at the notes and saw that the problem could be solved exactly the same way as one of the examples and just went with it. But the way the example was done contradicted the rules given earlier in the notes. I solved it in the way that made sense and actually followed the rules for how it worked, went to the substitute, and proved that I was correct. It turned out that I actually was correct and there was a mistake in the notes. I have to make sense out of things, and it works in situations like that. However, in cases like this, where I'm told there is no sense to it, I'm lost. That's why I am so confused, I guess.

I know so many people like you...:(. You should totally move to NYC and go to my school, half of my school would love with you and the rest would respect you. Seriously, maybe you just haven't found a comfort zone yet. Some people are just different, and just have to find a different setting in order to feel good about themselves. Maybe we should switch schools. :)

Good luck.

But high marks are a way for me to know that I'm on track for my life goals. And I don't want to ask anyone out, and if someone told me that someone else was interested in me, they would probably not be trustworthy and would be suspicious. Why wouldn't the person themself come? It's hard for me to accept that life can't make sense.

OK, well if high marks are what you want out of life then you're on track and what are you complaining about?

I suspect you want something more or you wouldn't have started this thread.

How ridiculously paranoid. Welcome to reality.

I've already told you what I think at length so I won't repeat myself.
I'll just wish you luck at straightening things out.
*platonic hugs*

p.s. ever wonder what a Socratic hug would be like?

I know. Thank you.:)

I know so many people like you...:(. You should totally move to NYC and go to my school, half of my school would love with you and the rest would respect you. Seriously, maybe you just haven't found a comfort zone yet. Some people are just different, and just have to find a different setting in order to feel good about themselves. Maybe we should switch schools. :)

Good luck.

Thanks.:)

OK, well if high marks are what you want out of life then you're on track and what are you complaining about?

I suspect you want something more or you wouldn't have started this thread.

Well, high marks are what I need right now to get to college, which is where I need to go to get the rest of the goals.

I want to be able to not be afraid and to not have to worry so much.

How ridiculously paranoid. Welcome to reality.

I can recognize it as paranoid, but I can't stop myself from thinking in this way. And why can't reality make more sense?:(

Is it because I've been thinking like this for so long that that makes sense and reality doesn't? Or is it not supposed to make sense?

Don't be silly. If you worry so much now what makes you think you won't worry at College?

Part of your problem is probably that you're young. I thought you were somewhat older.

Don't be silly. If you worry so much now what makes you think you won't worry at College?

Part of your problem is probably that you're young. I thought you were somewhat older.

Yeah, I'm 16. That's part of what I'm worried about, that I'll worry more at college. I know it's silly, but I don't know how to change it.

Never fear! Change is easy. First of all you really need to want to change. Then you need to accept no excuses from yourself. It's an internal thing and requires discipline, similar to the sort which you use to study effectively.

Never fear! Change is easy. First of all you really need to want to change. Then you need to accept no excuses from yourself. It's an internal thing and requires discipline, similar to the sort which you use to study effectively.

So how do I do that?

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?



Way I see it, you should change your mental views to:

A: I'm hot

B: If anyone hurts me, they ain't good enough

C:In the even someone does hurt you, hire a mercenary assassin (like me), to "Clean" a bit. :D

Nope, I can never be serious. It doesn't work for me.

Way I see it, you should change your mental views to:

A: I'm hot

B: If anyone hurts me, they ain't good enough

C:In the even someone does hurt you, hire a mercenary assassin (like me), to "Clean" a bit. :D

Nope, I can never be serious. It doesn't work for me.

Thanks.:p

Thanks.:p

Anytime, thats what I do best. (Aside from Assassinations, of course ;) :p )

And also, I looked at your picture, and trust me, you ain't ugly. Therefore: STOP THINKING YOU ARE!

Being emo is for wierdos. Do you want to be a wierdo? I should think not.

So Jump on the attractive bandwagon for the big win....(My redone version of a classic Full Metal Jacket movie line)

Chandelier, if you want to understand attraction, my advice is to read about Biology (reproduction and related areas) and possibly Psychology. As science is written from an objective manner it should be more easily digestible for you, rather than relying on subjective descriptions that require you to already have familiarity with the experience of attraction.

Anytime, thats what I do best. (Aside from Assassinations, of course ;) :p )

And also, I looked at your picture, and trust me, you ain't ugly. Therefore: STOP THINKING YOU ARE!

Being emo is for wierdos. Do you want to be a wierdo? I should think not.

So Jump on the attractive bandwagon for the big win....(My redone version of a classic Full Metal Jacket movie line)

Thanks for making me laugh (and for the compliment. I'm starting to feel a little better about compliments, I guess.):)

Chandelier, if you want to understand attraction, my advice is to read about Biology (reproduction and related areas) and possibly Psychology. As science is written from an objective manner it should be more easily digestible for you, rather than relying on subjective descriptions that require you to already have familiarity with the experience of attraction.

Yeah, it sort of makes sense to me then, because then I can view it just as I would view studies of reproduction in other species. You're right; the objectivity makes it so that I can understand it. But I can't connect objective descriptions to people around me or anything else that's subjective. If I can distance myself from it completely though, I can sort of understand it.

Yeah, it sort of makes sense to me then, because then I can view it just as I would view studies of reproduction in other species. You're right; the objectivity makes it so that I can understand it. But I can't connect objective descriptions to people around me or anything else that's subjective. If I can distance myself from it completely though, I can sort of understand it.

Would I be correct if I were to say that your fear of attraction occurs because, in absense of a better understanding, you (incorrectly) equate it to the instinct a predatory animal has when it senses prey?

That could be complete rubbish, I'm just guessing here.

Thanks for making me laugh (and for the compliment. I'm starting to feel a little better about compliments, I guess.):)

Again, anytime. :)


Yeah, it sort of makes sense to me then, because then I can view it just as I would view studies of reproduction in other species. You're right; the objectivity makes it so that I can understand it. But I can't connect objective descriptions to people around me or anything else that's subjective. If I can distance myself from it completely though, I can sort of understand it.

You're starting to remind me of Mr. Spock.

http://bfnation.net/features/thething/thethingv2/v2/1spock.jpg

Would I be correct if I were to say that your fear of attraction occurs because, in absense of a better understanding, you (incorrectly) equate it to the instinct a predatory animal has when it senses prey?

That could be complete rubbish, I'm just guessing here.

I don't really know what it is. Maybe that's what I think at some level, but I'm not sure.

I don't really know what it is. Maybe that's what I think at some level, but I'm not sure.

Don't worry about it. Just a random thought. I try to take a more objective view of things than most people, so I thought I may be able to help.

Don't worry about it. Just a random thought. I try to take a more objective view of things than most people, so I thought I may be able to help.

It does help. Thank you.

It does help. Thank you.

No prob. You are a party member after all :D Seriously though, it seems like an interesting topic. Attraction can basically be split up into two* different things. What I call "intellectual attraction" - you probably know, and "physical attraction" - the bit you seem to have a problem with.

* Not counting emotional dependence, which comes after a relationship has existed for some time.

Physical attraction is basically the instinct that drives humans to mate. This is reinforced by the pleasurable experience that (in theory) comes with sexuality.

Instinct, as you probably know, is quite a basic mental process. I would say that humans don't instinctively want to reproduce - they instinctively want to experience the pleasurable sensation. Of course, since people have cognitive ability above animals, they tend to choose to have children rather than it being an accident caused by lust.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Maybe I should ask you if there's anything specific you'd like me to offer an insight into?

Would I be correct if I were to say that your fear of attraction occurs because, in absense of a better understanding, you (incorrectly) equate it to the instinct a predatory animal has when it senses prey?

That could be complete rubbish, I'm just guessing here.

I figure it's just, like; why are crazy people so often considered dangerous? Because we don't know, don't understand what they're thinking. We've no idea what could happen. Logic, logic is straightforward. if p, then q; not q; therefore not p. Everytime.

I figure it's just, like; why are crazy people so often considered dangerous? Because we don't know, don't understand what they're thinking. We've no idea what could happen. Logic, logic is straightforward. if p, then q; not q; therefore not p. Everytime.

Sort of, I guess.

No prob. You are a party member after all :D Seriously though, it seems like an interesting topic. Attraction can basically be split up into two* different things. What I call "intellectual attraction" - you probably know, and "physical attraction" - the bit you seem to have a problem with.

* Not counting emotional dependence, which comes after a relationship has existed for some time.

Physical attraction is basically the instinct that drives humans to mate. This is reinforced by the pleasurable experience that (in theory) comes with sexuality.

Instinct, as you probably know, is quite a basic mental process. I would say that humans don't instinctively want to reproduce - they instinctively want to experience the pleasurable sensation. Of course, since people have cognitive ability above animals, they tend to choose to have children rather than it being an accident caused by lust.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Maybe I should ask you if there's anything specific you'd like me to offer an insight into?

Everything you've said here makes sense to me, I think I'm just having trouble connecting it to people. So people usually don't want to hurt people they're attracted to?

Again, anytime. :)




You're starting to remind me of Mr. Spock.

http://bfnation.net/features/thething/thethingv2/v2/1spock.jpg

:D :p

Everything you've said here makes sense to me, I think I'm just having trouble connecting it to people. So people usually don't want to hurt people they're attracted to?

No, they don't.

Rapists hurt their victims, but that's not the same as attraction. Rapes are more of a "lust for power" than, well, lust.

A selfish lover wants pleasure for themself and has little interest in their partner's experience.

The ideal lover wants to be a participant in an activity that is mutually pleasurable for those involved.

No, they don't.

Rapists hurt their victims, but that's not the same as attraction. Rapes are more of a "lust for power" than, well, lust.

A selfish lover wants pleasure for themself and has little interest in their partner's experience.

The ideal lover wants to be a participant in an activity that is mutually pleasurable for those involved.

Okay. I was sort of wondering about that. That makes sense to me objectively. Thanks for helping.:)

Sort of, I guess.
*nod* Indeed.

Everything you've said here makes sense to me, I think I'm just having trouble connecting it to people. So people usually don't want to hurt people they're attracted to?
Nah. Anything stupid that a person who is attracated to someone will do, is usually self-contained.

*nod* Indeed.


Nah. Anything stupid that a person who is attracated to someone will do, is usually self-contained.

Oh. Self-contained? What do you mean?

Oh. Self-contained? What do you mean?

Stupid things smitten people do only hurt themselves.


Edit: Unless you're in second grade, and have pigtails. :p

Oh. Self-contained? What do you mean?

Self centered?

Stupid things smitten people do only hurt themselves.


Edit: Unless you're in second grade, and have pigtails. :p

Oh. I see.

Okay. I was sort of wondering about that. That makes sense to me objectively. Thanks for helping.:)

Is OK. Anything else I can clear up?

Oh. I see.

Yes, I suppose you do. O_<

Is OK. Anything else I can clear up?

I'm not sure. Is there any way to tell for sure that people are really making fun of me and not actually attracted to me?

Yes, I suppose you do. O_<

:D

I'm not sure. Is there any way to tell for sure that people are really making fun of me and not actually attracted to me?
Technically, wouldn't "Sorry, but I'm not intrested" work for both situations?

:D

Aha! Something had to get a smile outta you.

Technically, wouldn't "Sorry, but I'm not intrested" work for both situations?



Aha! Something had to get a smile outta you.

I guess it would.

And I'm in a good mood now.:D

I'm not sure. Is there any way to tell for sure that people are really making fun of me and not actually attracted to me?

As Dinaverg said, if you're not actually interested, saying so would sort it out. If they were making fun of you, turning them down would make their joke completely backfire.

But as for knowing, well, nothing can ever be certain, but there ought to be tell-tale signs. If they are making fun, they will have friends watching - I don't think such bullies get anything out of it without an audience.

Other than that, it comes down to empathy which is more of an insight-based right-brain skill than a logic-based left-brain skill.

As Dinaverg said, if you're not actually interested, saying so would sort it out. If they were making fun of you, turning them down would make their joke completely backfire.

But as for knowing, well, nothing can ever be certain, but there ought to be tell-tale signs. If they are making fun, they will have friends watching - I don't think such bullies get anything out of it without an audience.

Other than that, it comes down to empathy which is more of an insight-based right-brain skill than a logic-based left-brain skill.

I can usually kind of tell...it's just that I'm afraid that over time I'll begin to assume that everyone is making fun of me, and be unneccessarily harsh if someone is genuinely telling the truth.

I can usually kind of tell...it's just that I'm afraid that over time I'll begin to assume that everyone is making fun of me, and be unneccessarily harsh if someone is genuinely telling the truth.

I can see what you mean. I can't really offer help from personal experience, so the best advice I can give is to try to learn the signs.

It seems to me that you would start to make assumptions is because your brain tries to change frequent thought-patterns into instinctual behaviours for the sake of efficiency. However, it can go wrong, as in your example, with observed patterns incorrectly matched to understanding.

There are clues, however, that you can learn to notice. For example, are they keeping a straight face? And of course, if they were genuine, they would probably be a bit nervous.

I can see what you mean. I can't really offer help from personal experience, so the best advice I can give is to try to learn the signs.

It seems to me that you would start to make assumptions is because your brain tries to change frequent thought-patterns into instinctual behaviours for the sake of efficiency. However, it can go wrong, as in your example, with observed patterns incorrectly matched to understanding.

There are clues, however, that you can learn to notice. For example, are they keeping a straight face? And of course, if they were genuine, they would probably be a bit nervous.

Okay. I guess they would be nervous. I don't want to snap at someone who is honestly attracted to me and just doesn't know that I'm not interested in that. All right, that's a sign I could look for.

My suggestion would be to improve your self-esteem, and if you cannot do this, see a therapist. If neither works and you still feel that unhappy about yourself, cosmetic surgery is an option. I can't tell if you're really ugly, or not, without pics though.

Okay. I guess they would be nervous. I don't want to snap at someone who is honestly attracted to me and just doesn't know that I'm not interested in that. All right, that's a sign I could look for.

I would suggest that by default, you just try to let them down gently.

If they are making fun, that would probably still be the best choice, since they'd probably find you snapping at them funny too (but not as funny as falling for it and being disappointed when you find out they aren't serious).

For reference, I found the link to the what I posted before, with the picture. (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11951386&postcount=534)

My suggestion would be to improve your self-esteem, and if you cannot do this, see a therapist. If neither works and you still feel that unhappy about yourself, cosmetic surgery is an option. I can't tell if you're really ugly, or not, without pics though.

I quoted a post with a link to a picture of me above. I've been seeing a therapist, and it sort of helps.

I would suggest that by default, you just try to let them down gently.

If they are making fun, that would probably still be the best choice, since they'd probably find you snapping at them funny too (but not as funny as falling for it and being disappointed when you find out they aren't serious).

Yeah, I probably would try to let them down gently anyway. I guess that's the best response.

I quoted a post with a link to a picture of me above. I've been seeing a therapist, and it sort of helps.
Good call. I think you're cute - I have no idea why you'd think you're ugly.

Good call. I think you're cute - I have no idea why you'd think you're ugly.

See, Chandy's even got these guys complimenting her. :p

See, Chandy's even got these guys complimenting her. :p

You know you've made it in NS when you get a nickname.

You know you've made it in NS when you get a nickname.

Aye. ^_^ I've made at least two myself...

You know you've made it in NS when you get a nickname.

:)

See, Chandy's even got these guys complimenting her. :p

:)

Good call. I think you're cute - I have no idea why you'd think you're ugly.

Thanks. I'm not sure, either. I just always have.

To Chandelier: Your're not even that ugly, and beleive me, I know ugly, so stop complaining.;) :D

You know you've made it in NS when you get a nickname. Dina gives everyone a nickname. I got "Atty" from Dina.;)

To Chandelier: Your're not even that ugly, and beleive me, I know ugly, so stop complaining.;) :D

Dina gives everyone a nickname. I got "Atty" from Dina.;)

Yep, you were one of 'em.

You know you've made it in NS when you get a nickname.
Except for those of us who don't need them. <.<

To Chandelier: Your're not even that ugly, and beleive me, I know ugly, so stop complaining.;) :D

Dina gives everyone a nickname. I got "Atty" from Dina.;)

Thanks.

Except for those of us who don't need them. <.<
I hereby nickname you, Humphry Bogart.
Yep, you were one of 'em.
Yeahhhhhhhhh, my little Luxembourger!:cool:
Thanks.
Yeah. I think you just need a boy to come along and stick it in. Maybe you'll feel better about yourself once someone has shown you that much attention and affection.:)

Yeah. I think you just*snip*

*coughnotsmartcough*

I hereby nickname you, Humphry Bogart.
Run out of creativity tonight? Oh well, to the pits with ye, wretch... :rolleyes:

http://files.maps4heroes.com/heroes5/pictures/inferno/HOMM5_Inferno_Pit_lord.jpg

Run out of creativity tonight? Oh well, to the pits with ye, wretch... :rolleyes:

http://files.maps4heroes.com/heroes5/pictures/inferno/HOMM5_Inferno_Pit_lord.jpg

You'd prefer to be called Demon Wench?

Yeah. I think you just need a boy to come along and stick it in. Maybe you'll feel better about yourself once someone has shown you that much attention and affection.:)

Why would I "need" that?:(

You'd prefer to be called Demon Wench?
No, that's his playmate for the night, the friendly Pit Lord. He's in for much fun. :)

I'm not a wench, but if I were one I'd go for being one of these:

http://www.celestialheavens.com/homm5/images/creatures/dun_art/Dun6_witch.jpg

No, that's his playmate for the night, the friendly Pit Lord. He's in for much fun. :)
lol....my "playmate"...will we be appearing on Maxim next?
Why would I "need" that?:(
Well...you dont "need" it, I suppose. But it does everyones conficence a nice boost when people are attracted to them enough to give them that much attention/affection and sex.

Well...you dont "need" it, I suppose. But it does everyones conficence a nice boost when people are attracted to them enough to give them that much attention/affection and sex.

I don't want that.

lol....my "playmate"...will we be appearing on Maxim next?
Pieces of you, maybe. I don't think they're into that kind of thing though...

Well...you dont "need" it, I suppose. But it does everyones conficence a nice boost when people are attracted to them enough to give them that much attention/affection and sex.

Someone hasn't been following the 'Chandelier' storyline.

Except for those of us who don't need them. <.<

Yeah, people with names that can get turned into initials don't get nicknames. Usually.

I don't want that.
Well, why?:confused:

Someone hasn't been following the 'Chandelier' storyline.

There's been a lot of that in this thread.

Well, why?:confused:

I'm asexual.

Yeah, people with names that can get turned into initials don't get nicknames. Usually.
Oh Atty, seems like someone's going to be joining you and your playmate in the pit. :)

Oh Atty, seems like someone's going to be joining you and your playmate in the pit. :)

I remeber there were two "Europa ______"s...

I remeber there were two "Europa ______"s...
Yes, there's myself and then there was the insanely stupid Europa Alpha. Good times. ^^

Pieces of you, maybe. I don't think they're into that kind of thing though...
That's hot!
Someone hasn't been following the 'Chandelier' storyline.
I must have missed this little detail.:eek: :D
I'm asexual.
.....Only because you havnt met me. ..................
But seriously, why? Dont you like want to get married and have kids...have a family? I didnt even know it was possible for humans to *be* asexual. I thought it was just for plants and like...single celled amoebas...?:confused:
Oh Atty, seems like someone's going to be joining you and your playmate in the pit. :)
...menage a trois, how hot!:eek:

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

I'm new to this board, and I haven't read this whole thread, but something sounds disingenuous in this post.

I find it hard to reconcile the mature tone of self-realization with the immature view of yourself as expressed.

I'm not so sure you aren't pulling our leg in AOL chat board fashion.

That's hot!
I'm abusing this, but...

http://badgas.co.uk/language/thats_hot.jpg

...menage a trois, how hot!:eek:
Oh things will get hot, trust me. ;) One could say you'll almost be in flames (http://image2.sina.com.cn/gm/cr/2006/0621/3713175622.jpg) even. :) Almost... :D

I must have missed this little detail.:eek: :D

.....Only because you havnt met me. ..................
But seriously, why? Dont you like want to get married and have kids...have a family? I didnt even know it was possible for humans to *be* asexual. I thought it was just for plants and like...single celled amoebas...?:confused:


No, apparently about 1% of people are asexual like me. See the AVEN website. (http://www.asexuality.org) It's definitely possible. It means that I have no sex drive and I'm not sexually attracted to males or to females. Completely different than the amoeba and plant type of asexuality.

No, apparently about 1% of people are asexual like me. See the AVEN website. (http://www.asexuality.org) It's definitely possible. It means that I have no sex drive and I'm not sexually attracted to males or to females. Completely different than the amoeba and plant type of asexuality.
Ah...well...maybe they could give you extra hormones or something, to stimulate that?:confused:
I'm abusing this, but...

http://badgas.co.uk/language/thats_hot.jpg


Oh things will get hot, trust me. ;) One could say you'll almost be in flames (http://image2.sina.com.cn/gm/cr/2006/0621/3713175622.jpg) even. :) Almost... :D
I knew you couldnt resist!:D

I knew you couldnt resist!:D
Haven't you got your... playmate to deal with? Oh, and your friend who just joined you.

.....Only because you havnt met me. ..................
But seriously, why? Dont you like want to get married and have kids...have a family? I didnt even know it was possible for humans to *be* asexual. I thought it was just for plants and like...single celled amoebas...?:confused:


Heh. Somehow I doubt Chandelier is capable of asexual reproduction (impressive as that might be!), but that does not mean she couldn't be asexual as far as her sexual orientation goes. Some people just don't feel sexual attraction, and lots of people, whatever their sexuality, don't want to get married and have kids.

Ah...well...maybe they could give you extra hormones or something, to stimulate that?:confused:


It's not neccessary. The asexuality itself is not a problem.

I'm new to this board, and I haven't read this whole thread, but something sounds disingenuous in this post.

I find it hard to reconcile the mature tone of self-realization with the immature view of yourself as expressed.

I'm not so sure you aren't pulling our leg in AOL chat board fashion.

I'm being honest. I know it seems contradictory, but that's the way I think. I can analyze myself objectively and still not be able to change the way I see myself.

I know I'm bottomfeeding here, but I remember you saying in one of your posts a while back that you (at least partially) based your view of romance on Greek mythology.
The Greeks were going for an exciting story, not an accurate one.
Remember in English class when they told you(or should have, at least) that the essence of drama is conflict?
In a romance, there are only two characters to have the conflict, who are of course the lovers.
So any romance worth reading is going to have at least one of the partners get hurt, because nobody wants to read a story where nothing happens.
It doesn't resemble real life 99% of the time, really.

Ignoring that, and going even farther back, to the original post:
You seem to be obsessively afraid of getting hurt.
Now, taking the really obvious analogy:
Are you so afraid of physical harm that you'd avoid anything that might cause that?(not talking about normal things, I mean not handling paper to avoid paper cuts)
How about germs? Are you one of those people that won't touch a doorknob?
Why is emotional harm that much worse then?
Worst that can happen is a bad week (or so), compared to the other examples which could both land you in the hospital.

Note: I am only an amateur psychologist and not a real one, as such my advice should not be taken over/replacing the advice of a real psychologist.

I...have run out of amusing comments to make. Therefore, I wish you the best of luck, and now I move on from this thread. :D


I'm glad I found someone who gets my sense of humour.

Ok, so I've read this entire thing and i'm hoping that if i can't provide any insight. that i can at least assure you that there are people in almost the same situation. So here's what i have to say.

All my life I called myself a realist. I told myself I wasn't attractive and accepted that. I was absolutely fine with that. I had my fair share of crushes, but since I told myself that no one could ever be attracted to me, I didn't act on them.
In my second semester of freshman year in highschool, I met this absolutely beautiful girl in my technical theater class. A couple weeks later I find out that she is in my geometry class. So we sat next to each other in geometry the rest of the year and hung out together, building sets and stuff in tech theater.
During second semester geometry, the girl flirted with me quite a bit, but since I kept telling myself that no person would ever be interested in me, I dismissed it as wishfulness on my part. At the end of the year she gave me her cell number, and that confused me. Why would she give me her number saying "call me" if she wasnt attracted to me? Only people who were attracted to other people gave numbers. So all through the summer I wrestled with this in my mind. Was she just being polite by giving me her number and hoping that I wouldn't call, or was she defying all odds by actually feeling some attraction for me.
At the end of the summer, I found out she had a myspace account. This thrilled me, because then I wouldn't have to go through the akwardness of calling because I could just message her on myspace. I did so, saying Hey, Remember me? She replied with, Of course, how could I forget you? This again, baffled me. Well, I kept in contact with her until school started, and then I began to hang out with her before school and during lunch. Eventually one thing led to another and now we've been going out for 2 1/2 months. She will often tell me that I'm beautiful, and though I love her to death I still think shes lying to me.

So, the moral of the story is: No matter what happens, it's still entirely possible that you will still feel like you are now. The best thing to do is grab life by the shoulders, shake it, kick it in the balls (and if life isnt a man make it get a sex change), say SCREW YOU and defy all odds by being succesful and living a happy life without love. Or you could become attracted to a cute guy thats also attracted to you, and think to yourself, "His loss, not mine" and live a happy life with love. Either way you win. Sorry for the wall of text

Ok, so I've read this entire thing and i'm hoping that if i can't provide any insight. that i can at least assure you that there are people in almost the same situation. So here's what i have to say.

All my life I called myself a realist. I told myself I wasn't attractive and accepted that. I was absolutely fine with that. I had my fair share of crushes, but since I told myself that no one could ever be attracted to me, I didn't act on them.
In my second semester of freshman year in highschool, I met this absolutely beautiful girl in my technical theater class. A couple weeks later I find out that she is in my geometry class. So we sat next to each other in geometry the rest of the year and hung out together, building sets and stuff in tech theater.
During second semester geometry, the girl flirted with me quite a bit, but since I kept telling myself that no person would ever be interested in me, I dismissed it as wishfulness on my part. At the end of the year she gave me her cell number, and that confused me. Why would she give me her number saying "call me" if she wasnt attracted to me? Only people who were attracted to other people gave numbers. So all through the summer I wrestled with this in my mind. Was she just being polite by giving me her number and hoping that I wouldn't call, or was she defying all odds by actually feeling some attraction for me.
At the end of the summer, I found out she had a myspace account. This thrilled me, because then I wouldn't have to go through the akwardness of calling because I could just message her on myspace. I did so, saying Hey, Remember me? She replied with, Of course, how could I forget you? This again, baffled me. Well, I kept in contact with her until school started, and then I began to hang out with her before school and during lunch. Eventually one thing led to another and now we've been going out for 2 1/2 months. She will often tell me that I'm beautiful, and though I love her to death I still think shes lying to me.

So, the moral of the story is: No matter what happens, it's still entirely possible that you will still feel like you are now. The best thing to do is grab life by the shoulders, shake it, kick it in the balls (and if life isnt a man make it get a sex change), say SCREW YOU and defy all odds by being succesful and living a happy life without love. Or you could become attracted to a cute guy thats also attracted to you, and think to yourself, "His loss, not mine" and live a happy life with love. Either way you win. Sorry for the wall of text

Thanks for the advice.:)

I...have run out of amusing comments to make. Therefore, I wish you the best of luck, and now I move on from this thread. :D


I'm glad I found someone who gets my sense of humour.

All right. Thanks.

I know I'm bottomfeeding here, but I remember you saying in one of your posts a while back that you (at least partially) based your view of romance on Greek mythology.
The Greeks were going for an exciting story, not an accurate one.
Remember in English class when they told you(or should have, at least) that the essence of drama is conflict?
In a romance, there are only two characters to have the conflict, who are of course the lovers.
So any romance worth reading is going to have at least one of the partners get hurt, because nobody wants to read a story where nothing happens.
It doesn't resemble real life 99% of the time, really.

Ignoring that, and going even farther back, to the original post:
You seem to be obsessively afraid of getting hurt.
Now, taking the really obvious analogy:
Are you so afraid of physical harm that you'd avoid anything that might cause that?(not talking about normal things, I mean not handling paper to avoid paper cuts)
How about germs? Are you one of those people that won't touch a doorknob?
Why is emotional harm that much worse then?
Worst that can happen is a bad week (or so), compared to the other examples which could both land you in the hospital.

Note: I am only an amateur psychologist and not a real one, as such my advice should not be taken over/replacing the advice of a real psychologist.

It just seemed that the people who always got hurt the most were the girls who were beautiful but didn't know it or didn't care and who weren't interested in getting married. So the way my mind interprets that is like this:
I don't want to get married. So if I am beautiful and I just don't realize it, then I could get hurt like they did.

I'm not as frightened of physical pain for some reason. I don't know why for certain, but emotional pain frightens me more.

Wrong. I'm not a goth and I don't like metal.

Thanks for the advice, though.

sorry:p

seems to be the cliché though

sorry:p

seems to be the cliché though

I guess it is, but I'm not.

We have a remedy! Little girl guide, why don't you stop your crying? Here comes MrMopar the dirty old engine driver to make things all right...

May I suggest, if emotional pain (something which in my experience is fictional) is what scares you, pound it out with physical pain. Drink some Drain-O. Play baseball with your kneecaps as a ball! Go jump off a divingboard into a pool of rusty nails! Knock yourself out!

Funny. I knew looking at the last poster it'd be something....well, let's not flame.

Emotional pain is not fiction. Most physical pain is easier to bear.
Yes, teens sometimes whine a bit. Better that type than the ones who are insensitive boobs.

Funny. I knew looking at the last poster it'd be something....well, let's not flame.

Emotional pain is not fiction. Most physical pain is easier to bear.
Yes, teens sometimes whine a bit. Better that type than the ones who are insensitive boobs.

Teehee...boobs.

Teehee...boobs.

:rolleyes: :p

Well, when I was 16 I too thought I was dead ugly. And for many years, I kept thinking so.

Until I met a woman. No, I didnt date her, but I did become friends with her. And she was the most beautifull ugly chick I´ve know.

Why? Because she was ugly. Her teeth were weird, her mouth was weird, she didnt had anything special. But even with her weird teeth, she had the most awesome smile I´ve ever know, and the best laugh I´ve ever heard.

The deal is that, even being somewhat ugly, she didnt act like one. She acted like she was full of life, like she was beautifull. She didnt act like those ugly fat chicks that do everything to gather atention. She was original.

So, I ended up liking her. And that is when it hitted me: personality means more than looks. Someone who ACTS beautifull is much more atractive than someone who looks good but acts like a bitch.

And by acting like you do man, you´re acting like a bitch. A male bitch. Humans get hurt and hurt others all the time. Its how life is. Even animals fight over mates, why shouldnt men too? Many times you will find a girl you like, and she already has a boyfriend. Other times you will be the one many people like, and you will have to hurt someone too.

When I realized that, I started to change. I improved my looks, and started acting like it didnt mater. Like I was good looking no mater how I looked. My positive outlook on life inspired people, and they started to like me. One thing leads to another and now, being 23 years old, I can get dates anytime I want, and now I see how much time I wasted being sorry for myself.

So man, being good looking, atractive or not is a belief. When you start to like yourself, you will desire to improve your looks too. And by doing that, you will improve your self-steem, and people will enjoy you more.

Well, when I was 16 I too thought I was dead ugly. And for many years, I kept thinking so.

Until I met a woman. No, I didnt date her, but I did become friends with her. And she was the most beautifull ugly chick I´ve know.

Why? Because she was ugly. Her teeth were weird, her mouth was weird, she didnt had anything special. But even with her weird teeth, she had the most awesome smile I´ve ever know, and the best laugh I´ve ever heard.

The deal is that, even being somewhat ugly, she didnt act like one. She acted like she was full of life, like she was beautifull. She didnt act like those ugly fat chicks that do everything to gather atention. She was original.

So, I ended up liking her. And that is when it hitted me: personality means more than looks. Someone who ACTS beautifull is much more atractive than someone who looks good but acts like a bitch.

And by acting like you do man, you´re acting like a bitch. A male bitch. Humans get hurt and hurt others all the time. Its how life is. Even animals fight over mates, why shouldnt men too? Many times you will find a girl you like, and she already has a boyfriend. Other times you will be the one many people like, and you will have to hurt someone too.

I'm not male...and I have no reason to ever search for a mate. I'm not attracted to people of either gender.


When I realized that, I started to change. I improved my looks, and started acting like it didnt mater. Like I was good looking no mater how I looked. My positive outlook on life inspired people, and they started to like me. One thing leads to another and now, being 23 years old, I can get dates anytime I want, and now I see how much time I wasted being sorry for myself.

So man, being good looking, atractive or not is a belief. When you start to like yourself, you will desire to improve your looks too. And by doing that, you will improve your self-steem, and people will enjoy you more.

Good for you, but I don't want dates. I want to like myself without being vain by thinking that I'm attractive.

But why should people like me better if I'm attractive? Then they'd only like me for shallow reasons and they couldn't be trusted. If they wouldn't like me as I am now and they would like me if I became attractive, then it's probably better for them to not like me.

All my life I called myself a realist. I told myself I wasn't attractive and accepted that. I was absolutely fine with that. I had my fair share of crushes, but since I told myself that no one could ever be attracted to me, I didn't act on them.
In my second semester of freshman year in highschool, I met this absolutely beautiful girl in my technical theater class. A couple weeks later I find out that she is in my geometry class. So we sat next to each other in geometry the rest of the year and hung out together, building sets and stuff in tech theater.
During second semester geometry, the girl flirted with me quite a bit, but since I kept telling myself that no person would ever be interested in me, I dismissed it as wishfulness on my part. At the end of the year she gave me her cell number, and that confused me. Why would she give me her number saying "call me" if she wasnt attracted to me? Only people who were attracted to other people gave numbers. So all through the summer I wrestled with this in my mind. Was she just being polite by giving me her number and hoping that I wouldn't call, or was she defying all odds by actually feeling some attraction for me.
At the end of the summer, I found out she had a myspace account. This thrilled me, because then I wouldn't have to go through the akwardness of calling because I could just message her on myspace. I did so, saying Hey, Remember me? She replied with, Of course, how could I forget you? This again, baffled me. Well, I kept in contact with her until school started, and then I began to hang out with her before school and during lunch. Eventually one thing led to another and now we've been going out for 2 1/2 months. She will often tell me that I'm beautiful, and though I love her to death I still think shes lying to me.

Nice story, I also consider myself a realist in that sense. Also... what kind of a school subject is geometry?

But why should people like me better if I'm attractive? Then they'd only like me for shallow reasons and they couldn't be trusted. If they wouldn't like me as I am now and they would like me if I became attractive, then it's probably better for them to not like me.

Quoted for truth

You're 16 lol. You'll feel completely different in a matter of weeks or months.

I'm a student of psychology, so here's my two cents:

(A) It sounds like you've constructed an elaborate defense mechanism intended to guard you from social interactions which you do not feel equipped to handle. I constructed a similar mechanism when I was much younger than you were. Odds are, deep down inside, you do want a relationship and would gladly accept one if it were offered to you.

It's normal for people your age to do stuff like this.

(B) It could be symptomatic of some kind of pathology. Avoidant personality disorder springs to mind but you said you don't want relationships, not that you don't feel like you have the social skills to obtain them, so that kind of rules it out. Conversely, it could be schizoid personality disorder, though schizoids do not construct defense mechanisms as elaborate as this one (they usually just avoid people cause they prefer to, not for any particular reasons) and there are other things, like flatness of emotion, that are implicit in SPD. (I was diagnosed with a mild variant of SPD two months ago. I don't pursue relationships, whether platonic or romantic, because I simply don't want to. Too much effort.)

But why should people like me better if I'm attractive?

Because beauty is an enduringly substantial quality that society rightly values in many different forms.

You're 16 lol. You'll feel completely different in a matter of weeks or months.

QFT.

(B) It could be symptomatic of some kind of pathology. Avoidant personality disorder springs to mind but you said you don't want relationships, not that you don't feel like you have the social skills to obtain them, so that kind of rules it out. Conversely, it could be schizoid personality disorder, though schizoids do not construct defense mechanisms as elaborate as this one (they usually just avoid people cause they prefer to, not for any particular reasons) and there are other things, like flatness of emotion, that are implicit in SPD. (I was diagnosed with a mild variant of SPD two months ago. I don't pursue relationships, whether platonic or romantic, because I simply don't want to. Too much effort.)

:( Don't do that, people like me will start coming along and self-diagnosing. Although I'll have to thank you, I looked up the wikipedia article on schizoid and it helps me put things into word I couldn't previously.

Firstly, don't take anything aid about image in NS seriously. You could have smeared polyfiller on your face, and nobody would be honest. Of course, I didn't see the image, and few people are genuinely ugly, but you ought to appreciate my point.

Secondly, I do sympathise a little, since I have problems with relationships, amongst a plethora of other issues....

However, try to open up, and, if you have a decent friend, ask for help.

Good for you, but I don't want dates. I want to like myself without being vain by thinking that I'm attractive.

But why should people like me better if I'm attractive? Then they'd only like me for shallow reasons and they couldn't be trusted. If they wouldn't like me as I am now and they would like me if I became attractive, then it's probably better for them to not like me.

I'm not sure that thinking that you are attractive is necessarily vain. Often they probably do go hand in hand, but there is a line between confidence in ones looks and vanity.

You know, I'm also not sure people who are attractive are liked only for that fact either. I certainly hope that there are at least some who are better than that. Also, some people find looks attract them to a person initially, but once they get to know their personalities, they like them far more. :)

:( Don't do that, people like me will start coming along and self-diagnosing. Although I'll have to thank you, I looked up the wikipedia article on schizoid and it helps me put things into word I couldn't previously.

Yes, avoid self-diagnosing if at all possible. If you think something's wrong, see a professional and let him do the diagnosing.

There is a word that describes the fundamental human condition to want to be sick, but it's momentarily escaped my memory. At any rate, the fact of its existence is usually enough to cloud people's judgment when it comes to self-diagnosis.

Yes, avoid self-diagnosing if at all possible. If you think something's wrong, see a professional and let him do the diagnosing.

There is a word that describes the fundamental human condition to want to be sick, but it's momentarily escaped my memory. At any rate, the fact of its existence is usually enough to cloud people's judgment when it comes to self-diagnosis.

I like being apathetic, and reading the entire article is usually enough to end my idiocy. I think personally my self diagnosis when it comes to personality stems more from the fact that I find my personality difficult to put into words, which is something I want to be able to do (more for myself than others), and having a few words instead of 5 pages to explain that is simpler.

I'm not sure that thinking that you are attractive is necessarily vain. Often they probably do go hand in hand, but there is a line between confidence in ones looks and vanity.

You know, I'm also not sure people who are attractive are liked only for that fact either. I certainly hope that there are at least some who are better than that. Also, some people find looks attract them to a person initially, but once they get to know their personalities, they like them far more. :)

Yay 700 :D

Of course people are liked for their looks alone, but usually both parties have let the bleach sink in too far. As for vainity and looks going hand in hand, I always thought of that as a version of power corrupting. Although it seems to happen more gradually than usually corruption.

Once I get my Psychology doctorate degree, would you be willing to be my first subject?

I'm not male...and I have no reason to ever search for a mate. I'm not attracted to people of either gender.



Good for you, but I don't want dates. I want to like myself without being vain by thinking that I'm attractive.

But why should people like me better if I'm attractive? Then they'd only like me for shallow reasons and they couldn't be trusted. If they wouldn't like me as I am now and they would like me if I became attractive, then it's probably better for them to not like me.

Ok, so you´re not a male bitch, but a female bitch. Doesnt change much. Well, in fact, it does, because women suffer much more because of their looks than man.

The truth is that being good looking is great. Why? Because people DO treat you beter. And that is not bad. Its great. Of course you cant trust in everyone that you meet, but the fact that they treat you beter just because they liked the way you look is amazing.

The deal is that our society see good looking people as healthy, inteligent, charismatic and competent. You dont need to look like a model, you just need to take care of your looks. At the same time, society see people who dont take care of their looks as lazy, dumb, weak, ignorant, shy, incompetent etc. Why? Because anyone in their simple capitalist mind KNOWS looks in our current society means a lot. Why? Because you meet strangers every single day, your work will demand that you meet stranger people, and that means you need them to like you with as little effort as possible. And you can do that by improving your looks.

And that is why society dont like people who dont take care of their looks. And that means it can hinder a whole lot of things, not just dates. It can hinders your work, your dreams, your desires to create or build something. Which means that, even if you dont want to get dates, you should improve your looks because that will help you in your job, in your daily life and in your well being.

And trust me: true hapiness can only be found in people. People is what makes life means something. You can lie to yourself as much as you want, but without people, life is shit. Ok, when I was 16, I thought I knew everything about the world, and though I was happy even without people. Then, I got in love. And yes, the lights seemed brighter, the music sounded beter, food tasted awesome and I started to see people in a much diferent life. Of course that means you may get hurt if your love doesnt corespond you, but it sure is worth it, when you compare those 2 weeks of depression after being dumped with the weeks, months, years of happiness you spend with that special someone.

And its then, when you´ve seen life with and without someone special, that you realize what makes life important is people. And yes, they will hurt you. Yes, you will have to hurt people. Humans arent perfect. You have to understand that all the anger, sorrow, doubts and feelings you have are hapening inside everyone´s head. That is whey you realize you´re not alone, you realize that people also have their own problems, and you realize you have to take care of your problems first before trying to help someone else. Only a strong person can help others.

And because of those problems that its so hard to create bonds with people. Sometimes we can only be ourselves with someone else we really trust and respect. Its how the world works. We have so many problems that our relationship with most people is so shallow you cant get anything out of it. And that is why having someone you love and someone who love you back is so important. And for it to hapen, you will need dates.

Look, a lot of people has looked at you and said you´re cute/beautifull/good looking. They are probabily right. Why? Because youth is beautifull. Once you you start to get fat everywhere because you are getting old, or when your beard grows so much you cant shave it anymore, or when you start to get bald, its when you realize youth is beautifull. I doubt anyone in their teens can realize that, but once you start to age you realize that. I´m 23 and I already have to take care so I doesnt get fat. When I was 16 I could eat like a pig and I didnt need to take care of anything.

Second, because unless you have very big scars, you´re missing an year, you had cancer and had to take out a boob, you´re probabily good looking. As people get old, destiny takes a tool on you, and sometimes your entire looks can change.

So, it means you are a good looking young girl who can get a lot of dates, and can make people feel atractive to you. So, understand that, and slowly get to trust people. Ok, teenagers are usually dumb, ignorant, and sometimes they fuck you over. But you have to learn how to deal with them before dealing with adults, and its being an adult that the good relationships happen. Not based on looks, but on personality.

I guess that is enough. Damn, I sure wrote a lot lol.

I'm not sure that thinking that you are attractive is necessarily vain. Often they probably do go hand in hand, but there is a line between confidence in ones looks and vanity.

You know, I'm also not sure people who are attractive are liked only for that fact either. I certainly hope that there are at least some who are better than that. Also, some people find looks attract them to a person initially, but once they get to know their personalities, they like them far more. :)

But if I changed and became attractive and more people noticed me, I would know that they were only talking to me for that reason.

Once I get my Psychology doctorate degree, would you be willing to be my first subject?

I don't know.

Ok, so you´re not a male bitch, but a female bitch. Doesnt change much. Well, in fact, it does, because women suffer much more because of their looks than man.

The truth is that being good looking is great. Why? Because people DO treat you beter. And that is not bad. Its great. Of course you cant trust in everyone that you meet, but the fact that they treat you beter just because they liked the way you look is amazing.

The deal is that our society see good looking people as healthy, inteligent, charismatic and competent. You dont need to look like a model, you just need to take care of your looks. At the same time, society see people who dont take care of their looks as lazy, dumb, weak, ignorant, shy, incompetent etc. Why? Because anyone in their simple capitalist mind KNOWS looks in our current society means a lot. Why? Because you meet strangers every single day, your work will demand that you meet stranger people, and that means you need them to like you with as little effort as possible. And you can do that by improving your looks.

And that is why society dont like people who dont take care of their looks. And that means it can hinder a whole lot of things, not just dates. It can hinders your work, your dreams, your desires to create or build something. Which means that, even if you dont want to get dates, you should improve your looks because that will help you in your job, in your daily life and in your well being.

I don't want to risk becoming vain. I think it's a bad thing that people treat attractive people better. I want to be able to be confident without being good-looking.

And trust me: true hapiness can only be found in people. People is what makes life means something. You can lie to yourself as much as you want, but without people, life is shit. Ok, when I was 16, I thought I knew everything about the world, and though I was happy even without people. Then, I got in love. And yes, the lights seemed brighter, the music sounded beter, food tasted awesome and I started to see people in a much diferent life. Of course that means you may get hurt if your love doesnt corespond you, but it sure is worth it, when you compare those 2 weeks of depression after being dumped with the weeks, months, years of happiness you spend with that special someone.

And its then, when you´ve seen life with and without someone special, that you realize what makes life important is people. And yes, they will hurt you. Yes, you will have to hurt people. Humans arent perfect. You have to understand that all the anger, sorrow, doubts and feelings you have are hapening inside everyone´s head. That is whey you realize you´re not alone, you realize that people also have their own problems, and you realize you have to take care of your problems first before trying to help someone else. Only a strong person can help others.

And because of those problems that its so hard to create bonds with people. Sometimes we can only be ourselves with someone else we really trust and respect. Its how the world works. We have so many problems that our relationship with most people is so shallow you cant get anything out of it. And that is why having someone you love and someone who love you back is so important. And for it to hapen, you will need dates.


So I should try to get a romantic relationship with people I feel no attraction to at all, then?:confused:

I have friends and I have my family; I don't need to have relationships that won't go anywhere. I don't ever want to have sex, and I don't think anyone would really want to date me anyway, and I wouldn't want to date them.


Look, a lot of people has looked at you and said you´re cute/beautifull/good looking. They are probabily right. Why? Because youth is beautifull. Once you you start to get fat everywhere because you are getting old, or when your beard grows so much you cant shave it anymore, or when you start to get bald, its when you realize youth is beautifull. I doubt anyone in their teens can realize that, but once you start to age you realize that. I´m 23 and I already have to take care so I doesnt get fat. When I was 16 I could eat like a pig and I didnt need to take care of anything.

Second, because unless you have very big scars, you´re missing an year, you had cancer and had to take out a boob, you´re probabily good looking. As people get old, destiny takes a tool on you, and sometimes your entire looks can change.

So, it means you are a good looking young girl who can get a lot of dates, and can make people feel atractive to you. So, understand that, and slowly get to trust people. Ok, teenagers are usually dumb, ignorant, and sometimes they fuck you over. But you have to learn how to deal with them before dealing with adults, and its being an adult that the good relationships happen. Not based on looks, but on personality.

I guess that is enough. Damn, I sure wrote a lot lol.


I have no way of knowing that they're right. They're probably just biased.

I don't want to be a good-looking girl, if I really am. I want to become confident without it.

1. No one will like you just because youre good looking. It helps in the start, but you really cant create relationships just based on looks.

2. Just because you become better looking, doesnt mean you will become vain. And becoming vain isnt really a problem. The only problem is if you base your personality only on looks, but that is something very few people do.

3. If they are biased, well, they are just being normal. Once you start to like someone, romanticaly or not, you start to find her more atractive. If that didnt happen, most of us would never have relationships, because we usually are normal looking.

The deal is: sooner or later, you will realize worring about silly things like these is useless. You will realize you can be pretty, that people can like you because of both your looks and personality, and you will try to date and find guys who like you. It may hapen next week, it may happen in a year, in 5 years, in 10 years. But the more time it takes, bigger will be your regret later on how much time you´ve wasted.

Take your time, but let the door open. Oportunities only hapen if you allow them to.

But if I changed and became attractive and more people noticed me, I would know that they were only talking to me for that reason.
They might start talkingto you because you're attractive, but they'll keep talking to you or not because of your personality.

I don't want to risk becoming vain. I think it's a bad thing that people treat attractive people better. I want to be able to be confident without being good-looking.
This is good, a person's self confidence hinging on their looks probably isn't healthy.


So I should try to get a romantic relationship with people I feel no attraction to at all, then?:confused:

I have friends and I have my family; I don't need to have relationships that won't go anywhere. I don't ever want to have sex, and I don't think anyone would really want to date me anyway, and I wouldn't want to date them.
Of course you shouldn't, if you don't want to. But don't decide now that you're never going to experience a big part of life. You might not want to now, but who's to say you won't have a change of heart.

1. No one will like you just because youre good looking. It helps in the start, but you really cant create relationships just based on looks.

2. Just because you become better looking, doesnt mean you will become vain. And becoming vain isnt really a problem. The only problem is if you base your personality only on looks, but that is something very few people do.

3. If they are biased, well, they are just being normal. Once you start to like someone, romanticaly or not, you start to find her more atractive. If that didnt happen, most of us would never have relationships, because we usually are normal looking.

The deal is: sooner or later, you will realize worring about silly things like these is useless. You will realize you can be pretty, that people can like you because of both your looks and personality, and you will try to date and find guys who like you. It may hapen next week, it may happen in a year, in 5 years, in 10 years. But the more time it takes, bigger will be your regret later on how much time you´ve wasted.

Take your time, but let the door open. Oportunities only hapen if you allow them to.

I just can't trust people who think I'm attractive. I can't understand how they feel.

I see vanity as a problem.

I'm not attracted to anyone. I've kept saying this. I'm asexual. If that changes, fine, but it hasn't, and I don't think that my orientation is something that needs to or should change.


Of course you shouldn't, if you don't want to. But don't decide now that you're never going to experience a big part of life. You might not want to now, but who's to say you won't have a change of heart.

If I suddenly become attracted to people, that's fine. It'll be really weird, but I guess I'd just have to get used to it if it did. People shouldn't tell me that I will necessarily feel that way someday, though.

Remember when I spoke about being strong enough to help other people?

Its the same with love. You can only truly love someone if you love yourself. Otherwise, its not healthy.

And also, you may be trying to protect yourself from geting hurt by not liking anyone. I was like you when I was 16. I didnt want to like anyone, and I thought it was because there was no one interesting enough, but the deal is that I wasnt ready for anything, and I couldnt bear to get hurt by being rejected.

Remember when I spoke about being strong enough to help other people?

Its the same with love. You can only truly love someone if you love yourself. Otherwise, its not healthy.

And also, you may be trying to protect yourself from geting hurt by not liking anyone. I was like you when I was 16. I didnt want to like anyone, and I thought it was because there was no one interesting enough, but the deal is that I wasnt ready for anything, and I couldnt bear to get hurt by being rejected.

I can't control that I don't like anyone, so I don't think that's happening, at least not consciously. I'm not being attracted to people and then saying, "You will not be attracted to them." I'm just not attracted to them.

Its unsconscious. You only realize it after it has become conscious.

When I was like 18 I never understood when older people said good things come through aging. For me, it only meant your body began to rot. Now that I look back to how I was a few years ago, I see what wisdom means.

Its funny how something that you feel is the most important thing in the world becomes totaly idiot after a few years.

Its unsconscious. You only realize it after it has become conscious.

When I was like 18 I never understood when older people said good things come through aging. For me, it only meant your body began to rot. Now that I look back to how I was a few years ago, I see what wisdom means.

Its funny how something that you feel is the most important thing in the world becomes totaly idiot after a few years.

Then I guess I'll find out eventually if that's true. It doesn't change that I'm asexual now. If my orientation and the way I feel about that stuff changes, then that's fine, but I doubt it will. This is a problem, but it's independent from my asexuality and I don't think I'd be attracted to people anyway.

You are what people call "late bloomer".

Late bloomer are usually cute girls or boys that dont care much about their looks in high school, and when they get into college, they slowly start to realize they may be good looking. Yet, they arent that sure.

Then, they meet someone special, and start to date them. It may even be another late bloomer of the oposite gender. Then, as the relationship happens, you slowly get used to the idea of improving your looks, and start to become vain (in a good way), making a lot of people notice you.

I´ve seen it happens. In fact, it happens all the time. You see girls who you wouldnt give anything when they are 18 turn into gorgeous women in their early 20´s. Just as you see a lot of hot young women turn ugly after a few years out of college.

Why dont you post a picture of yourself? It would make things easier. I wont lie about how you look.

For reference, I found the link to the what I posted before, with the picture. (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11951386&postcount=534)

Here it is.

I might be a "late bloomer", but it's also possible that I'm not.

Yeah, you sure is in denial.

Anyway, I dont know you, and I cant say much though a picture. But I do think you´re a late bloomer. Why? Because you havent even started to truly become a woman.

There are a lot of 16 year olds who already explore their feminility. You havent started yet. That is not bad, its just something that you will have to work on.

Because it doesnt look like you spend a lot of time on looks. You´re pretty average, and you dress like a regular boy. I´m not saying this in a hard or harsh way, just explaining that you dont do a lot to tell other people you´re a woman. You dress like a heavy metal fan (which is not that bad, since I´ve dated some and many were my favorites).

Anyway, no mater what you do, you can clearly become much more cute than you already are. You just need to work a bit on it. Use more feminine cloths (instead of bland t-shirts) and also improve your hair cut. If you do things as simple as that, I have no doubt that you will become even beter looking. Because, as I said, you´re young and good looking already.

Btw, I would date you, and I´m sure a lot of guys here would too. And trust me, you´re neither fat or ugly, which means just that makes you way pretier than most women out there.

Yeah, you sure is in denial.

Anyway, I dont know you, and I cant say much though a picture. But I do think you´re a late bloomer. Why? Because you havent even started to truly become a woman.

There are a lot of 16 year olds who already explore their feminility. You havent started yet. That is not bad, its just something that you will have to work on.

Because it doesnt look like you spend a lot of time on looks. You´re pretty average, and you dress like a regular boy. I´m not saying this in a hard or harsh way, just explaining that you dont do a lot to tell other people you´re a woman. You dress like a heavy metal fan (which is not that bad, since I´ve dated some and many were my favorites).

Anyway, no mater what you do, you can clearly become much more cute than you already are. You just need to work a bit on it. Use more feminine cloths (instead of bland t-shirts) and also improve your hair cut. If you do things as simple as that, I have no doubt that you will become even beter looking. Because, as I said, you´re young and good looking already.

Btw, I would date you, and I´m sure a lot of guys here would too. And trust me, you´re neither fat or ugly, which means just that makes you way pretier than most women out there.

I'm turning 17 in a few weeks. You're right that I don't spend much time on looks; I only comb my hair when my mother makes me. I like my t-shirts. I bought a few blouses lately that I like, though, so maybe that will help. I like my hair style, but it annoys me because it's too knotty.

And thank you, by the way.

No need to thank me for telling the truth.

And if you want to talk about anything else, just do. Just dont ask me for hair tips because I really wont go into that.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can't be proclaimed to be universally unattractive to every human in the world.

...

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Dye your hair green and speak only in Klingon. :)

It's your conduct and your attitude which determine how relationships go, not how you look.
Yes, I read how you don't want any relationship ever. That's a radical decision, one I think you'd be wise to leave a way out of. Trying to firm it up by limiting your own options suggests you aren't really that sure.

You can live without relationships (many do, usually not by choice). But you need to support your own self-esteem more, not less, than those who have a partner to validate them.

Dye your hair green and speak only in Klingon. :)
.

That may have the opposite effect to some. I, for instance, am a bit attracted to girls with wild hair colors, moreso than those with "normal" colors.

There are those out there for everything. Heh.

No need to thank me for telling the truth.

And if you want to talk about anything else, just do. Just dont ask me for hair tips because I really wont go into that.

All right.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can't be proclaimed to be universally unattractive to every human in the world.

That's too bad.:(

Dye your hair green and speak only in Klingon. :)

It's your conduct and your attitude which determine how relationships go, not how you look.
Yes, I read how you don't want any relationship ever. That's a radical decision, one I think you'd be wise to leave a way out of. Trying to firm it up by limiting your own options suggests you aren't really that sure.

You can live without relationships (many do, usually not by choice). But you need to support your own self-esteem more, not less, than those who have a partner to validate them.

I'm open to the possibility of a romantic relationship someday, even if I don't feel those sorts of feelings, as long as the person involved understands that and accepts that there will never be any sex involved, and that I don't experience attraction to anyone. I doubt that I will ever develop romantic feelings, but I'm leaving that open. The only thing I'm entirely certain of is that I don't ever want to have sex. I'm open to perhaps dating someday, as long as the person involved knows how I feel about that stuff and is respectful of it, and is already my friend and doesn't expect to ever have sex with me.

All right. I'm trying to boost my self-esteem. Yesterday I looked in the mirror and I thought that I looked okay overall, despite all the bones sticking out and stuff. So I guess that's a start.

<snip>

All right. I'm trying to boost my self-esteem. Yesterday I looked in the mirror and I thought that I looked okay overall, despite all the bones sticking out and stuff. So I guess that's a start.

Good stuff! Lots of people here pointed out that you're not exactly a warthog. Glad our opinions mean something to you.

The way you look isn't just about sexual attractiveness. Regular features and an easy smile help in employment, in making friends, getting a good price on a new car, in everything really. The best look for you depends on what you are trying to achieve. Got any role models?

Good stuff! Lots of people here pointed out that you're not exactly a warthog. Glad our opinions mean something to you.

The way you look isn't just about sexual attractiveness. Regular features and an easy smile help in employment, in making friends, getting a good price on a new car, in everything really. The best look for you depends on what you are trying to achieve. Got any role models?

All right. I started this thread a month ago, so I guess I've made some progress since then.

And I look up to the Phantom of the Opera, so I don't think that really helps with this.:p

<snip>

And I look up to the Phantom of the Opera, so I don't think that really helps with this.:p

Saw it years ago. Quick run through of the wiki on it ... he's a sort of troll. He's in love with one of the prima donnas, wants to marry her. Gets jealous and kidnaps her. Sort of Patty Hearst thing happens but he'd just too ugly and scarey and she marries someone else.

What's interesting about this is that the Phantom isn't assexual, just terrible at the dating thing. And he's a he ...

Saw it years ago. Quick run through of the wiki on it ... he's a sort of troll. He's in love with one of the prima donnas, wants to marry her. Gets jealous and kidnaps her. Sort of Patty Hearst thing happens but he'd just too ugly and scarey and she marries someone else.

What's interesting about this is that the Phantom isn't assexual, just terrible at the dating thing. And he's a he ...

I like him better in the book, and I know he's not asexual, but I admire him.

I like him better in the book, and I know he's not asexual, but I admire him.

Ironic.
From your general psychological profile, you would seem to be the kind of person who wouldn't want to get anywhere near the phantom of the opera.
Think about it.

All right. I started this thread a month ago, so I guess I've made some progress since then.

I didn't know it had been that long, I think I first noticed it after one of your recent accidental revivals.

All right.
Yesterday I looked in the mirror and I thought that I looked okay overall, despite all the bones sticking out and stuff.

Bones sticking out? Good. Maybe you should try to become a model.

Btw, the link to your story in your signature is not working.

Ironic.
From your general psychological profile, you would seem to be the kind of person who wouldn't want to get anywhere near the phantom of the opera.
Think about it.

Not in real life, but I admire him as a fictional character.

I didn't know it had been that long, I think I first noticed it after one of your recent accidental revivals.

Yeah, it has.

Bones sticking out? Good. Maybe you should try to become a model.

Btw, the link to your story in your signature is not working.

Hmm...it's good to have bones sticking out?:confused:


I noticed, but I'm not sure how to fix it.

Hmm...it's good to have bones sticking out?:confused:


I noticed, but I'm not sure how to fix it.

It depends on which bones and in which direction and how far they are sticking out.

It depends on which bones and in which direction and how far they are sticking out.

Ok. Which ones are good when they stick out and which ones are bad? Ribs, hips, collarbone?

Ok. Which ones are good when they stick out and which ones are bad? Ribs, hips, collarbone?

Depends how far out they're sticking.

Ribs, hips and collarbones all stick out so that would be nothing to worry about cuz mine do the same thing. Secondly i wouldn't care what people think about my appearence. Its perfectly understandable that you don't like people complimenting you. My ex gf was the same way, she didn't like it when people called her beautiful or complimented any of her physical features. If people call you pretty or beautiful, then it would be nothing that you have to lose sleep over. I would just accept the compliment and move on, don't even mention it, you can change the subject back on topic or just all together. when women say im cute, i just smile and say "yeah what ever" and then go on to another topic. I think you might have some issues but then again so do I. I think as you get older you will eventually break out of these crazy notions of yours. And lastly as everybody else as said, not everyone is out to hurt you, some are your friends, like the good people here at NS

Ribs, hips and collarbones all stick out so that would be nothing to worry about cuz mine do the same thing. Secondly i wouldn't care what people think about my appearence. Its perfectly understandable that you don't like people complimenting you. My ex gf was the same way, she didn't like it when people called her beautiful or complimented any of her physical features. If people call you pretty or beautiful, then it would be nothing that you have to lose sleep over. I would just accept the compliment and move on, don't even mention it, you can change the subject back on topic or just all together. when women say im cute, i just smile and say "yeah what ever" and then go on to another topic. I think you might have some issues but then again so do I. I think as you get older you will eventually break out of these crazy notions of yours. And lastly as everybody else as said, not everyone is out to hurt you, some are your friends, like the good people here at NS

Thanks. That's usually what I do, but I still worry about it sometimes.

Hmm...it's good to have bones sticking out?:confused:


Lol, I was joking. Mainly due to the fact that they are baning extremely thin models in some countries.

Having bones sticking out is ok. Most women are like that. Anyway, you´re almost 17 and women develop up to 24.

If the bones bother you, you have three options. First, getting used to them, since most people dont care, and most guys dont too. Second, you may try to get more weight, but usually that dont work very well. Third, you may start doing sports or going to gym, and get muscles. You see, if you dont have enough fat, the muscles fill the void, and usually in the right places. It is what women who dont have curves usually do, and considering you´re thin, the muscles would look much beter, specialy in the legs.

But dont worry about that. Take your time.

I've always felt ugly, and felt good about that. Being ugly means safety to me. The only problem I have is when people tell me that I'm not ugly or even attractive, like they did in the "Show us what you look like" thread. Then I feel insecure and terrified that someone will hurt me if I really I am attractive, because that's just the way my mind thinks.

If I am attractive, then someone could be attracted to me. If someone is attracted to me, then they will try to hurt me or try to start a relationship with me. If they try to start a relationship with me, then I will have to hurt them so that they will go away, because relationships are bad and I have no desire to ever be in a relationship that is not platonic.

It's much safer for me to feel ugly. But when people tell me that I'm attractive, I feel horrible because it contradicts what I've always believed. And I'm not sure what the truth is, so I have to assume that everyone who compliments me is lying for some reason or another.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Chandelier, you are not the only person to ever feel unattractive. Even attractive people sometimes feel bad about themselves. But I have to admit that I've experienced some of the same thoughts as you. Now, I don't seem to harbour a fear of people being attracted to me (why would any sane person want to hurt me if they liked me?), but on the odd time that it (other people being attracted to me) happens it does make me feel uncomfortable; because I see no reason why they would be. I see myself as a rather dull, cranky person. I'm not the most intelligent of people, and I am not pretty; I'm not even average looking. I’m okay with being unattractive because it helps me to find real friends. The few friends I have aren’t afraid to be seen with somebody who doesn’t look great. And I’m comfortable with it because guys don’t hit on me; which suits me fine because I don’t want to pursue a relationship anyway. I don’t have the time/energy for a boyfriend. So in that sense the way I look suits me perfectly. If I were pretty I doubt that I’d fell like And looks are very important in the society that I live in. I tend to turn a lot of posts into my own personal rants, so forgive me, but I can only base honest thoughts upon my own experiences.

You're seeing a therapist? That's very good. You've taken steps to solving your problem. You're asexual? Hmm, I find that relatively hard to believe, but if you think that, well then I can't change your seemingly logical mind's views. You're 16? Well, I've got 2 more years on you, and I can tell you that things probably will get better for you. When some kids hit puberty they can suddenly become very pretty/good looking. Girls suddenly start flirting with guys, wearing make-up and wearing clothes designed for girls several years older than them. Me; I didn't want to grow up. I hated the fact that I had breasts (yes guys they're not as fun as you think they are) and the fact that I suddenly had to wear these uncomfortable things around my chest to hold and support them. I had been a tomboy for years and I was not comfortable with becoming a woman. Do you know what? Two years on I'm very comfortable with being a woman. I don't feel the need to wear baggy clothes, I can't leave the house without wearing a bra, and I’ll even dare to wear a something feminine. Sure, I don’t wear make-up because I don’t feel that I have to. I’m a student; I don’t have to uphold the reputation of any company/business which suits me perfectly. I haven’t compromised myself for anybody, I’m different than I was a few years ago out of choice.

When I was 14 I didn’t know why anybody would want to have sex, when I was 16 I was grossly uncomfortable with the subject, but now I’m fine with it. I don’t feel the need to have it, but I guess I can understand why people would. And unlike you I do feel attracted to other people. So you never know;attraction to others might come with time.

For reference, I found the link to the what I posted before, with the picture. (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11951386&postcount=534)You aren’t bad looking; believe me you’re not. Evidently you don’t try very hard, but even then you look average. I guess that many people find it harder to fall for someone who doesn’t spend much time on their looks because it suggests that they don’t care for themselves and therefore if they couldn’t love themselves, then they couldn’t love somebody else. But I could believe that somebody fancies you; just probably someone who also values your intelligence. Or who’d just like to get to know you better.

About your t-shirt; I’m quite curious; are you a ‘phan’ (i.e. fan of the Phantom of the Opera)? Because most phans are women; and the main reason why they love The Phantom of the Opera is for the Phantom/Erik. They adore the fact that he’s so in love with Christine, they empathise with him deeply because of his disfigurement and the resulting mistreatment and ostracization. They fantasize about being the object of his affections; multitalented tortured soul that he is. I’m surprised that somebody who defines themselves as asexual is a fan of The Phantom of the Opera.

Yeah, I guess it does. I've always gotten straight A's. I want to keep my straight A's throughout high school (I'm halfway done with that goal, I guess, since I'm a junior now and I haven't gotten anything less than an A on a report card yet), and I want to keep a 5.0 GPA (straight A's in all weighted classes) for the rest of high school.

Well, I guess I like attention (or can stand it) only as long as I can understand why I'm getting attention. For grades, I can understand why I would get attention. If I wear I cape to school, I don't mind the attention because I can understand why people would stare at me. If people stare at me for reasons that I can't discern (like attraction) then I don't like the attention because I have no clue what they're thinking, and I can't figure it out.What you say makes logical sense. But that’s the thing, human emotion doesn’t always make sense. Sometimes I’ll get a crush on somebody and I’ll think “How on earth did that happen?”. Love and feelings are some of the biggest mysteries known to man. You can try to create an equation for them but honestly, you’ll never be able to solve them. It adds interest to life; I mean, if we had the answers to everything what use would maths or science be? What is it that drives you to solve a math problem? Curiosity? The satisfaction of solving it? Many people are curious. Maybe people stare because they can’t figure you out. One of my best friends befriended me because I intrigued him whereas most other girls were too shallow.

I'm open to the possibility of a romantic relationship someday, even if I don't feel those sorts of feelings, as long as the person involved understands that and accepts that there will never be any sex involved, and that I don't experience attraction to anyone. I doubt that I will ever develop romantic feelings, but I'm leaving that open. The only thing I'm entirely certain of is that I don't ever want to have sex. I'm open to perhaps dating someday, as long as the person involved knows how I feel about that stuff and is respectful of it, and is already my friend and doesn't expect to ever have sex with me.

All right. I'm trying to boost my self-esteem. Yesterday I looked in the mirror and I thought that I looked okay overall, despite all the bones sticking out and stuff. So I guess that's a start.That’s good. I see myself rather positively in the mirror. I’m usually fine as long as I don’t look at photos or recordings of myself… Besides, things could be much worse for me. I’m alive, I’m not poor, and I don’t have some sort of deformity that other people might view as ugly. I should be counting my blessings. If people have a problem with the way I look, then tough. They can’t change it, and if they don’t want somebody like me to ruin the perfect scenery of idealised beauty that is their life then they should go find their perfect world, because to be honest, they’ll never find it.

But as for somebody not expecting to have sex with you ever; well I’m afraid that 99.9% of relationships that are more than platonic expect sex at least at some stage. It’s your choice not to have sex, it would just end in a lot of pain to start a relationship with anything more than friendship intended with you in your current state of mind. However you seem adamant that a relationship won’t happen, so I’m sure that you’ve nothing to fear there. Good luck in your soul searching; I hope that I’ve helped in any positive way and haven’t made things worse!

Chandelier, you are not the only person to ever feel unattractive. Even attractive people sometimes feel bad about themselves. But I have to admit that I've experienced some of the same thoughts as you. Now, I don't seem to harbour a fear of people being attracted to me (why would any sane person want to hurt me if they liked me?), but on the odd time that it (other people being attracted to me) happens it does make me feel uncomfortable; because I see no reason why they would be. I see myself as a rather dull, cranky person. I'm not the most intelligent of people, and I am not pretty; I'm not even average looking. I’m okay with being unattractive because it helps me to find real friends. The few friends I have aren’t afraid to be seen with somebody who doesn’t look great. And I’m comfortable with it because guys don’t hit on me; which suits me fine because I don’t want to pursue a relationship anyway. I don’t have the time/energy for a boyfriend. So in that sense the way I look suits me perfectly. If I were pretty I doubt that I’d fell like And looks are very important in the society that I live in. I tend to turn a lot of posts into my own personal rants, so forgive me, but I can only base honest thoughts upon my own experiences.

You're seeing a therapist? That's very good. You've taken steps to solving your problem. You're asexual? Hmm, I find that relatively hard to believe, but if you think that, well then I can't change your seemingly logical mind's views. You're 16? Well, I've got 2 more years on you, and I can tell you that things probably will get better for you. When some kids hit puberty they can suddenly become very pretty/good looking. Girls suddenly start flirting with guys, wearing make-up and wearing clothes designed for girls several years older than them. Me; I didn't want to grow up. I hated the fact that I had breasts (yes guys they're not as fun as you think they are) and the fact that I suddenly had to wear these uncomfortable things around my chest to hold and support them. I had been a tomboy for years and I was not comfortable with becoming a woman. Do you know what? Two years on I'm very comfortable with being a woman. I don't feel the need to wear baggy clothes, I can't leave the house without wearing a bra, and I’ll even dare to wear a something feminine. Sure, I don’t wear make-up because I don’t feel that I have to. I’m a student; I don’t have to uphold the reputation of any company/business which suits me perfectly. I haven’t compromised myself for anybody, I’m different than I was a few years ago out of choice.

When I was 14 I didn’t know why anybody would want to have sex, when I was 16 I was grossly uncomfortable with the subject, but now I’m fine with it. I don’t feel the need to have it, but I guess I can understand why people would. And unlike you I do feel attracted to other people. So you never know;attraction to others might come with time.

The therapy does really help.

It might; I can't know that yet. But it wouldn't change that I'm asexual, as some asexuals do feel attraction to others, but not in a sexual way.




You aren’t bad looking; believe me you’re not. Evidently you don’t try very hard, but even then you look average. I guess that many people find it harder to fall for someone who doesn’t spend much time on their looks because it suggests that they don’t care for themselves and therefore if they couldn’t love themselves, then they couldn’t love somebody else. But I could believe that somebody fancies you; just probably someone who also values your intelligence. Or who’d just like to get to know you better.

About your t-shirt; I’m quite curious; are you a ‘phan’ (i.e. fan of the Phantom of the Opera)? Because most phans are women; and the main reason why they love The Phantom of the Opera is for the Phantom/Erik. They adore the fact that he’s so in love with Christine, they empathise with him deeply because of his disfigurement and the resulting mistreatment and ostracization. They fantasize about being the object of his affections; multitalented tortured soul that he is. I’m surprised that somebody who defines themselves as asexual is a fan of The Phantom of the Opera.

I do consider myself a "phan." I relate to and empathise with Erik. I even have fantasized about what it would be like to meet him, and I admire his many talents. He is very appealing character, and someone doesn't have to have sexual feelings to recognize that and admire him for it.


What you say makes logical sense. But that’s the thing, human emotion doesn’t always make sense. Sometimes I’ll get a crush on somebody and I’ll think “How on earth did that happen?”. Love and feelings are some of the biggest mysteries known to man. You can try to create an equation for them but honestly, you’ll never be able to solve them. It adds interest to life; I mean, if we had the answers to everything what use would maths or science be? What is it that drives you to solve a math problem? Curiosity? The satisfaction of solving it? Many people are curious. Maybe people stare because they can’t figure you out. One of my best friends befriended me because I intrigued him whereas most other girls were too shallow.

Okay. I understand that better now. I just don't like it when people stare at me and I can't tell why. I like it when people stare at me when I'm wearing a cape or a mask to school or something, or when I dressed up like the robot from Lost in Space to school, because then I know why they are staring at me.


That’s good. I see myself rather positively in the mirror. I’m usually fine as long as I don’t look at photos or recordings of myself… Besides, things could be much worse for me. I’m alive, I’m not poor, and I don’t have some sort of deformity that other people might view as ugly. I should be counting my blessings. If people have a problem with the way I look, then tough. They can’t change it, and if they don’t want somebody like me to ruin the perfect scenery of idealised beauty that is their life then they should go find their perfect world, because to be honest, they’ll never find it.

But as for somebody not expecting to have sex with you ever; well I’m afraid that 99.9% of relationships that are more than platonic expect sex at least at some stage. It’s your choice not to have sex, it would just end in a lot of pain to start a relationship with anything more than friendship intended with you in your current state of mind. However you seem adamant that a relationship won’t happen, so I’m sure that you’ve nothing to fear there. Good luck in your soul searching; I hope that I’ve helped in any positive way and haven’t made things worse!

That's why I know it's not likely to happen and I'm not particularly hoping for it. I'm just open to it perhaps happening someday, if I happen to find someone who understands or maybe even someone else who is asexual and whom I care about. It's a long shot, but I'm just acknowledging that it's possible.

Lol, I was joking. Mainly due to the fact that they are baning extremely thin models in some countries.

Having bones sticking out is ok. Most women are like that. Anyway, you´re almost 17 and women develop up to 24.

If the bones bother you, you have three options. First, getting used to them, since most people dont care, and most guys dont too. Second, you may try to get more weight, but usually that dont work very well. Third, you may start doing sports or going to gym, and get muscles. You see, if you dont have enough fat, the muscles fill the void, and usually in the right places. It is what women who dont have curves usually do, and considering you´re thin, the muscles would look much beter, specialy in the legs.

But dont worry about that. Take your time.

Okay. They don't really bother me too much, it's just that it seems that everyone talks about how women with bones showing are unhealthy, and I'm probably underweight. I just don't want to be unhealthy. I guess I'm still growing and so I'll just pay attention to it and see if it starts to become a problem.