NationStates Jolt Archive

Alright, as some may have known, I am against "sex for sex sake". However, earlier I broke this rule of mine. Now, apparently, I am the rebound, of sorts, I don't want to feel like I took advantage of the girl, it was something that just happened. The problem lies in two fold:

1. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I feel terrible about having sex with her.
2. Apparently she was after a friend of mine the entire time, and I was just the "conveniance" factor.

So, here's the dilema: I really like this girl, but it is rather obvious that I'm not really the one she's after(She told me AFTER we had sex that she really like me friend. Great to know, eh?), and I feel like I may have "taken advantage" of the situation by doing this directly after she had broke up with her boyfriend.

So really, should I feel terrible because I had taken advantage of hte situation, she wasn't after me the whole time, or should I not feel bad at all? For the record, it was my first time, and I tried pretty damn hard to not have sex with her.

Man, I feel terrible, no matter what this comes to.

Alright, as some may have known, I am against "sex for sex sake". However, earlier I broke this rule of mine. Now, apparently, I am the rebound, of sorts, I don't want to feel like I took advantage of the girl, it was something that just happened. The problem lies in two fold:

1. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I feel terrible about having sex with her.
2. Apparently she was after a friend of mine the entire time, and I was just the "conveniance" factor.

So, here's the dilema: I really like this girl, but it is rather obvious that I'm not really the one she's after(She told me AFTER we had sex that she really like me friend. Great to know, eh?), and I feel like I may have "taken advantage" of the situation by doing this directly after she had broke up with her boyfriend.

So really, should I feel terrible because I had taken advantage of hte situation, she wasn't after me the whole time, or should I not feel bad at all? For the record, it was my first time, and I tried pretty damn hard to not have sex with her.

Man, I feel terrible, no matter what this comes to.

She took advantage of you, just as much you did her. At least if she knows you like her, that could be argued. Don't feel guilty, there's really no need to, especially if it doesn't mess up your friendship.

Don't act awkward next time you see her and she might even invite you back for more. ;)

Did she not want to have sex with you?

Did you force or coerce her in any way?

If you answer "no" to both of these, then you didn't take advantage of her. She is (persumably) an adult, she is free to make her own choices. She made her choice. Don't insult her intellect by acting like you did something wrong by "tricking her" into having sex with you or something equally silly.

She made that choice with her own free will, so don't worry about that.

I'm also someone who doesn't like "sex for sex sake", and after mulling over what you have described, I don't think that there is a need for you to feel guilt.

It doesn't sound to me like you were consciously manipulating her. If you didn't go into the situation with the attitude "I'm going to deceive her and seduce her", then I think you have a clean moral record.

Sex is tricky business, and it can happen spontaneously just because the situation is right for it to happen. Sure, moral people try to act wisely, but it sounds like you should chalk this up to a "learning experience". You'll be a bit wiser from now on. :)

Man, I feel terrible, no matter what this comes to.

Was it good sex or bad sex? If it was good sex you can bask in that warm glow, if it was bad sex you can console yourself that you're unlikely to shag her again.

Seriously, don't feel bad if what you say is true.

It appears that she wanted to have sex with you, she acted to have sex with you, and she carried that out.

She acted in perfect free will. She did as she wished to do. You need not feel any guilt for it, it was her choice to do so.

For the record, it was my first time, and I tried pretty damn hard to not have sex with her.

I would say that there is only one thing you should feel bad about, and it has nothing to do with her. I you really tried not to make love, and yet still did, you should feel disapointed that you were not able to hold back. But I don't think you did anything wrong, or bad.

Did she not want to have sex with you?

Did you force or coerce her in any way?

If you answer "no" to both of these, then you didn't take advantage of her. She is (persumably) an adult, she is free to make her own choices. She made her choice. Don't insult her intellect by acting like you did something wrong by "tricking her" into having sex with you or something equally silly.

She made that choice with her own free will, so don't worry about that.

Well, how it happened was that she actually asked if I wanted to have sex with her. Now, I had said yes, and we went to my room. At which point, she said she didn't want to have sex with me, which was perfectly fine with me. I understood completely, as she obviously was feeling vulnerable, and I really didn't want to take advantage of the situation. So, we talked for a while, and one thing led to another, she said that she wanted to, and we had sex. I'm not sure exactly how to feel here. At one point she said she did, then she said she didn't, then she said she did(And no matter what she would have said, I would have respected it) and then more or less forcing the idea upon me, after I said that I wouldn't. It is confusing the crap out of me, and that's what is really making me feel guilt. The fact that I said that I wouldn't, but I did in the end of it all, despite trying quite hard after she said she didn't want to have sex to not have sex, even though later she said she did. I wasn't going for the opportunity of the situation at all, it was one of those things that just happened, in the end.


I'm also someone who doesn't like "sex for sex sake", and after mulling over what you have described, I don't think that there is a need for you to feel guilt.

It doesn't sound to me like you were consciously manipulating her. If you didn't go into the situation with the attitude "I'm going to deceive her and seduce her", then I think you have a clean moral record.

Sex is tricky business, and it can happen spontaneously just because the situation is right for it to happen. Sure, moral people try to act wisely, but it sounds like you should chalk this up to a "learning experience". You'll be a bit wiser from now on.

That's pretty much how it is. After she had told me she didn't want to, I really didn't expect anything more to happen, and didn't try to manipulate the situation in such a way. But it happened, and I still feel guilty, as I had told her I wouldn't, but in the end I did, despite better judgement in hindsight. It just kind of happened, in the end, is the best way to explain it.



Was it good sex or bad sex? If it was good sex you can bask in that warm glow, if it was bad sex you can console yourself that you're unlikely to shag her again.


I'm not sure, really. I enjoyed it laregely because of whom it was with, yet I'm not sure if she feels the same. She has a bit of experience, whereas I have had none before hand, so I'm no expert on the issue.



I would say that there is only one thing you should feel bad about, and it has nothing to do with her. I you really tried not to make love, and yet still did, you should feel disapointed that you were not able to hold back. But I don't think you did anything wrong, or bad.

Like I said, it's not that I'm against sex, but "sex for sex sake". I like this girl, I didn't plan this to happen earlier tonight at all. It just kind of did. I feel bad largely because I wasn't able to tell her that it wouldn't be a good idea to have sex, largely because I didn't want to hurt her, in a sense, by rejecting her. I would much rather have had my first time to be under different circumstances, but it happened differently, I suppose. I just feel guilty, and a bit let down, by the fact that I may have taken advantage of a situation, and that I was the "conveniant" guy.

Alright, as some may have known, I am against "sex for sex sake". However, earlier I broke this rule of mine. Now, apparently, I am the rebound, of sorts, I don't want to feel like I took advantage of the girl, it was something that just happened. The problem lies in two fold:

1. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I feel terrible about having sex with her.
2. Apparently she was after a friend of mine the entire time, and I was just the "conveniance" factor.

So, here's the dilema: I really like this girl, but it is rather obvious that I'm not really the one she's after(She told me AFTER we had sex that she really like me friend. Great to know, eh?), and I feel like I may have "taken advantage" of the situation by doing this directly after she had broke up with her boyfriend.

So really, should I feel terrible because I had taken advantage of hte situation, she wasn't after me the whole time, or should I not feel bad at all? For the record, it was my first time, and I tried pretty damn hard to not have sex with her.

Man, I feel terrible, no matter what this comes to.
Either you both took advantage of the situation or she is saying your sex is crap.:p

However you get a +1 on the me liking you column.

She used you, stay away from that bitch.

Well, it's true that she was vulnerable at this point, but that doesn't mean it had anything to do with her decision to have sex with you, especially since it didn't happen spontaneously.

Alright, as some may have known, I am against "sex for sex sake". However, earlier I broke this rule of mine. Now, apparently, I am the rebound, of sorts, I don't want to feel like I took advantage of the girl, it was something that just happened. The problem lies in two fold:

1. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I feel terrible about having sex with her.
2. Apparently she was after a friend of mine the entire time, and I was just the "conveniance" factor.

So, here's the dilema: I really like this girl, but it is rather obvious that I'm not really the one she's after(She told me AFTER we had sex that she really like me friend. Great to know, eh?), and I feel like I may have "taken advantage" of the situation by doing this directly after she had broke up with her boyfriend.

So really, should I feel terrible because I had taken advantage of hte situation, she wasn't after me the whole time, or should I not feel bad at all? For the record, it was my first time, and I tried pretty damn hard to not have sex with her.

Man, I feel terrible, no matter what this comes to.

I'll never understand why people can't just have this conversation with their companions? *sigh*

Was it good sex or bad sex? If it was good sex you can bask in that warm glow, if it was bad sex you can console yourself that you're unlikely to shag her again.

hehe, I love it when people say shag on the internet, makes me feel at home.

I love sex for sex sake, but even if you don't its still harmless fun.

I just feel guilty, and a bit let down, by the fact that I may have taken advantage of a situation, and that I was the "conveniant" guy.

I can certainly see the "let down" part, and maybe even a bit of the "guilty" part, because you're obviously a decent person who would feel like that no matter if it's entirely deserved or not.

But rest assured: you were not the driving force here, and while it would maybe have been better to "stay strong" for both your sakes, you're just a human being. Nobody can fault you for not showing restraint that she didn't even want you to show. Nobody is always that strong.

Don't beat yourself up too much over this. And next time, look out for your own heart a bit more. :fluffle:

Dude, you complain about getting laid? WTF?!?

Dude, you complain about getting laid? WTF?!?

I second this.

Alright, as some may have known, I am against "sex for sex sake". However, earlier I broke this rule of mine. Now, apparently, I am the rebound, of sorts, I don't want to feel like I took advantage of the girl, it was something that just happened. The problem lies in two fold:

1. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I feel terrible about having sex with her.
2. Apparently she was after a friend of mine the entire time, and I was just the "conveniance" factor.

So, here's the dilema: I really like this girl, but it is rather obvious that I'm not really the one she's after(She told me AFTER we had sex that she really like me friend. Great to know, eh?), and I feel like I may have "taken advantage" of the situation by doing this directly after she had broke up with her boyfriend.

So really, should I feel terrible because I had taken advantage of hte situation, she wasn't after me the whole time, or should I not feel bad at all? For the record, it was my first time, and I tried pretty damn hard to not have sex with her.

You shouldn't feel terrible at all and the reason you are trying to is because of your inherent need for drama and angst.

You shouldn't feel terrible at all and the reason you are trying to is because of your inherent need for drama and angst.

Heh. Need for drama and angst. I am the least dramatic and angsty person in the world. I'm not trying to feel bad about the situation, I really do.


Either you both took advantage of the situation or she is saying your sex is crap.

However you get a +1 on the me liking you column.

Well, I can believe the sex was crap part. I had no idea what I was doing, and she was coaching me more or less. :/

But, I feel a little less guilty after some reflection, but it's still there a bit.

Just make sure she doesn't screw you over, then your safe.

Alright, as some may have known, I am against "sex for sex sake". However, earlier I broke this rule of mine. Now, apparently, I am the rebound, of sorts, I don't want to feel like I took advantage of the girl, it was something that just happened. The problem lies in two fold:

1. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I feel terrible about having sex with her.
2. Apparently she was after a friend of mine the entire time, and I was just the "conveniance" factor.

So, here's the dilema: I really like this girl, but it is rather obvious that I'm not really the one she's after(She told me AFTER we had sex that she really like me friend. Great to know, eh?), and I feel like I may have "taken advantage" of the situation by doing this directly after she had broke up with her boyfriend.

So really, should I feel terrible because I had taken advantage of hte situation, she wasn't after me the whole time, or should I not feel bad at all? For the record, it was my first time, and I tried pretty damn hard to not have sex with her.

Man, I feel terrible, no matter what this comes to.

It sounds like she used you. Women are evil scumbags. She did you a favor by shattering any fairy tale conceptions you have about love, sex, and women. Try to find one of those few nice girls out there but realize that you probably never will find one or hang on to one if you find her. Meanwhile do not waste your time with celibacy. You should not have to be in pain just because women are usually scumbags.

It sounds like she used you. Women are evil scumbags. She did you a favor by shattering any fairy tale conceptions you have about love, sex, and women. Try to find one of those few nice girls out there but realize that you probably never will find one or hang on to one if you find her. Meanwhile do not waste your time with celibacy. You should not have to be in pain just because women are usually scumbags.

Well, there it is. Glad we got that clarified. She should be glad you bestowed your manly fluids upon her. :rolleyes:

Dude, you complain about getting laid? WTF?!?

Seconded and :mp5: to boot!

Alright, as some may have known, I am against "sex for sex sake". However, earlier I broke this rule of mine. Now, apparently, I am the rebound, of sorts, I don't want to feel like I took advantage of the girl, it was something that just happened. The problem lies in two fold:

1. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I feel terrible about having sex with her.
2. Apparently she was after a friend of mine the entire time, and I was just the "conveniance" factor.

So, here's the dilema: I really like this girl, but it is rather obvious that I'm not really the one she's after(She told me AFTER we had sex that she really like me friend. Great to know, eh?), and I feel like I may have "taken advantage" of the situation by doing this directly after she had broke up with her boyfriend.

So really, should I feel terrible because I had taken advantage of hte situation, she wasn't after me the whole time, or should I not feel bad at all? For the record, it was my first time, and I tried pretty damn hard to not have sex with her.

Man, I feel terrible, no matter what this comes to.

Get over it, emo-kid. :rolleyes:

Ebul Sinner!!! Taking advantage of that poor, innocent virgin girl. You should be ashamed. How could you?!?!:rolleyes:

Don't feel bad. Uou got some, so be happy, as there are some of us (me specifically) that are waiting to be used for the first time. ;)

Being used isn't fun, best you can do is dust yourself off and keep moving. Though I'd stay away from her if I were you, and I do hope you played safe.

Heh. Need for drama and angst. I am the least dramatic and angsty person in the world. I'm not trying to feel bad about the situation, I really do.

People can control and choose what they feel. So, stop "feeling bad" about this. :)

your feeling bad because you got some sex:confused: I say quit whining and do it again:p

Just make sure she doesn't screw you over, then your safe.

Wasn't the point that she already did?

Ignore the guys who are annoyed about you complaining after having had sex. They're probably just jealous...

Anyway, your situation isn't an easy one; I can't possibly imagine how guilt-ridden and confused you may be. Truth is sex complicates thing; a lot. But from the way you put it it doesn't sound like you took advantage of her. It's true that coming out of a relationship that she would've been vulnerable, but if she consented to it then you don't have to plague yourself with thoughts about whether you were taking advantage of her because you weren't. If anything she was taking advantage of you; trying to get comfort after her broken up relationship and you were the closest means at hand to get it. From that angle it seems like a pretty selfish thing to do.

In saying that it was your first time did you mean your first 'time'? If so then not only has she treated you unfairly by toying with your emotions, but she's also ruined what could've been a very good memory.

But keep in mind, that despite what other posters have said, not all women are the spawn of the devil.

I guess that life around her might be a little awkward for a while. I suggest that you do whatever feels right. I wouldn't recommend cutting myself off from her (she'd get very suspicious) but maybe being in close proximity on a one-to-one basis in a private place with her might not be a very good move for the next few weeks. You or her might do/say things to upset each other. She might even use you again; maybe not soon but in the future if she takes a fancy to it; but honestly I doubt that she'll ever really fall for you if she's that kind of girl. I hope that you can get over this, and her.

Ignore the guys who are annoyed about you complaining after having had sex. They're probably just jealous....

Exactly! And think of all the horny teenagers in China! It's your duty to get laid and clean your plate, young man! Or no dessert!~

Get over it, emo-kid. :rolleyes:

Never, but never, call me Emo, my dire hatred for them runs deep. And I'm 20, not technically a kid.

And for clarification, it was the first time I had sex, of any sort.

After further reflection, and learning a few things(Such as she had sex with my friend later that night, BRILLIANT!), I no longer feel nearly as guilty. I just needed to vent a bit, I suppose.

And never call me Emo. Attention whores.

Never, but never, call me Emo, my dire hatred for them runs deep. And I'm 20, not technically a kid.

You're emo. Accept it or change it.

Oh, and I'm 34. To me, you're a kid.

And for clarification, it was the first time I had sex, of any sort.

Yikes.

After further reflection, and learning a few things(Such as she had sex with my friend later that night, BRILLIANT!), I no longer feel nearly as guilty.

Get checked for diseases. You just slept with a whore.

I just needed to vent a bit, I suppose.

As many emo kids on teh intarwebs feel the need to do.

And never call me Emo. Attention whores.

Emo-kid. :p

Never, but never, call me Emo, my dire hatred for them runs deep. And I'm 20, not technically a kid.

And for clarification, it was the first time I had sex, of any sort.

After further reflection, and learning a few things(Such as she had sex with my friend later that night, BRILLIANT!), I no longer feel nearly as guilty. I just needed to vent a bit, I suppose.

And never call me Emo. Attention whores.

Pretty F***ed up for 20, aren't you?

I reserve the right to believe that this thread is just a way of saying 'look at me! I had sex last night!' in disguise.

ON-TOPIC: Well I guess your temptation got out of hand, eh?

OFF-TOPIC: Ah, Cluichstan! I remember you like a war buddy! Only in this case it's spam wars.

And, yes, I AM THE REMOTE ISLANDS 2.0!

Pretty F***ed up for 20, aren't you?
Why ?

I reserve the right to believe that this thread is just a way of saying 'look at me! I had sex last night!' in disguise.

qtf. in fact that was my 1st thought. I also reserve the right to believe he did not have sex at all since I subscribe to the theory that people who get some dont brag about it, and those who brag, never get any.

You're emo. Accept it or change it.

There is a difference. Emos manufacture petty problem into something blown out of proportion. I, on the other hand, was just venting, more or less, and was a tad confused on how to proceed on the situation. Huge difference.


Oh, and I'm 34. To me, you're a kid.

Which is why I said "technically". He shoots, he scores!


Yikes.


Yep.


Get checked for diseases. You just slept with a whore.

Came to that conclusion on my own. Is there a gestation period, where it won't show up for a while even if you are infected for some diseases, or no?


As many emo kids on teh intarwebs feel the need to do.

Clarification:

Emo: Gawd. Nobody gets me. My world is so dark. I hate my parents, they are so tough, they won't let me stay out until midnight. Gawd. I'm going to cut my wrists now, maybe then people will notice me.

Me: God dammit, now I need to get tested. This bloody sucks.




Emo-kid. :p

:sniper:

qtf. in fact that was my 1st thought. I also reserve the right to believe he did not have sex at all since I subscribe to the theory that people who get some dont brag about it, and those who brag, never get any.

What about the people who brag about not getting any?

OFF-TOPIC: Ah, Cluichstan! I remember you like a war buddy! Only in this case it's spam wars.

And, yes, I AM THE REMOTE ISLANDS 2.0!

*yawn* And like version 1.0, you'll go down as well. How sad it is that some people can't let go...

What about the people who brag about not getting any?

there's people who brag about NOT getting laid?:confused:

there's people who brag about NOT getting laid?:confused:

I'm just wondering.

I'm just wondering.

oh, well if there are, they are probably the biggest whores of all:p

qtf. in fact that was my 1st thought. I also reserve the right to believe he did not have sex at all since I subscribe to the theory that people who get some dont brag about it, and those who brag, never get any.

:/

Alright...

Quick answer: I was drunk when I made the thread, and wasn't clear minded enough to think "Man, it would be pretty damn stupid if I were to say this on NS". Also, I wasn't bragging. I actually had no idea how to go about the issue, and wished for a little bit of help.

But, the topic is moot. I really stopped feeling as guilty after I found out some more information about that particular night. So, yeah, it's quite moot.

Is there a gestation period, where it won't show up for a while even if you are infected for some diseases, or no?

Despite your stupid gun smiley, I'll be nice. Get tested now. That should rule out the immediate nasties like chlamydia, etc. There are others that could take a while to surface, like HIV, but that'll be months if not years.

Lesson to be learned here: Don't fuck sluts.

oh, well if there are, they are probably the biggest whores of all:p

They exist. Usually very morally bounded. Usually think quite high of themselves.

Despite your stupid gun smiley, I'll be nice. Get tested now. That should rule out the immediate nasties like chlamydia, etc. There are others that could take a while to surface, like HIV, but that'll be months if not years.

Lesson to be learned here: Don't fuck sluts.

Eh, I was just joking with the gun smiley.

And lesson well learned.

*shakes head in disgust of self for not knowing better*

*yawn* And like version 1.0, you'll go down as well. How sad it is that some people can't let go...

Hey, even though some things never change, I have.


For one, *raises white flag* I surrender! You can tell me what to do unless you say I can't surf Uncyclopedia. (Link in my sig) Another thing, I learned that arguing on the Internet is like running the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.

*throws parade*

See how i'm different? Even though my stash of pictures grows wit me?

*kills parade wit a Infinity-edged sword*

You're not emo. Some guys like to use the word 'emo' in reference to any guy, or indeed person, who expresses a certain distatse in their life or in things that have happened to them. But whereas 'emo' people will rant and complain about things that may seem completely self-centered and insignificant to everybody else, you're venting your anger on something that is understandably upsetting.

Also, you write pretty well when you're drunk! I wouldn't have guessed that you were!

:/

Alright...

Quick answer: I was drunk when I made the thread, and wasn't clear minded enough to think "Man, it would be pretty damn stupid if I were to say this on NS". Also, I wasn't bragging. I actually had no idea how to go about the issue, and wished for a little bit of help.

But, the topic is moot. I really stopped feeling as guilty after I found out some more information about that particular night. So, yeah, it's quite moot.

your post was remarkably concise for being drunk. Hell, when Im drunk and try to post on here, its feat just to form complete sentences so I'm not sure I buy that. and what sort of help could you have possibly wanted?

your post was remarkably concise for being drunk. Hell, when Im drunk and try to post on here, its feat just to form complete sentences so I'm not sure I buy that. and what sort of help could you have possibly wanted?

1. It took me a very long time to type that, as near as I can remember.
2. I am actually able to keep attention on something pretty well when I'm drunk, if I try hard enough.
3. I really don't know, any kind of advice as to how to go on in teh issue, really. As I said, I was drunk. I really can't account for exactly what I was thinking at that point of time.