NationStates Jolt Archive

The sun dances across the horizon,
As the sky teaches me it's patience,
And the sea shows me it's fury,
While the stone gives me it's strength,
As the morning guides me to my destination.

The moon fades into the background,
While the sun shows me it's nobility,
And the trees teach em their wisdom,
As the grass teaches me to kneel,
And the rebel, teaches me to be defiant.

The sun swims low in the sky,
And the king teaches me to lead,
As the student teaches me to learn,
While the thief teaches me deception,
And the sun goes to rest as the moon comes alive.

I learned what there is to know,
To reach enlightenment,
Until, I met, a wizened old man, sitting by the road,
and he said,
"Have you yet learned to dream?"

-----------------------------------------------

Well, what do you think?

It's okay. It's no Poe, though...



Quoth the Raven - "Nevermore".

I like it. I think you have an extra comma in the last line of the 2nd stanza, though...or it could be poetic license.
Oh, and it's is a contraction for 'it is'. You mean its.

I know it's hard to avoid, but you've got bucketloads of cliches in there.

Sorry to say, but twee & cliched is what pops into my head.

Well, what do you think?

Doggerel.

Your next will probably be better.

I know it's hard to avoid, but you've got bucketloads of cliches in there.

Huh.

It needs more cowbell.

Once I found a bucket on my head
I said "fuck it" and then was dead.
The moon ate pie
A pastry did cry
The end is nigh
Trees hate to fly

^ now that's a poem :D

The sun dances across the horizon,
As the sky teaches me it's patience,
And the sea shows me it's fury,
While the stone gives me it's strength,
As the morning guides me to my destination.

The moon fades into the background,
While the sun shows me it's nobility,
And the trees teach em their wisdom,
As the grass teaches me to kneel,
And the rebel, teaches me to be defiant.

The sun swims low in the sky,
And the king teaches me to lead,
As the student teaches me to learn,
While the thief teaches me deception,
And the sun goes to rest as the moon comes alive.

I learned what there is to know,
To reach enlightenment,
Until, I met, a wizened old man, sitting by the road,
and he said,
"Have you yet learned to dream?"

-----------------------------------------------

Well, what do you think?

Good stuff, buddy. Congrats.

It needs more cowbell.

definitely needs more cowbell......

:)