NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm in a strange mood.. Hence the following..


Does Santa exist? I've looked into this and its very upsetting !

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 35 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 1000 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 71,4200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.
The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

From this I think we can draw the horrifying conclusion that if there ever was a Santa Claus, he is long dead!!

I am in tears here people.No presents this year.:eek: :(

(I know its old, but i couldnt resist)

It's Bloody November!

I....HATE.........YOU:mad:

LIES LIIIIIES LLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!11!!

Trilby63;11929520']It's Bloody November!

Thank you!

Ugh, wait one more month people!

Trilby63;11929520']It's Bloody November!

NOT BLOODY ENOUGH THIS NOVEMBER
*Grabs chainsaw and goes out to behead some turkeys!*

I....HATE.........YOU:mad:

LIES LIIIIIES LLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!11!!

You should hate me though, I accidentally left the very big fire going in my fireplace, and well let's say Santa was turned into a Pot Roast. He was delicious and the poor didn't starve for two years!

Hang on....... Santa Cluas?

So Santa Claus exists then!

*points and laughs at OP!*:D

NOT BLOODY ENOUGH THIS NOVEMBER
*Grabs chainsaw and goes out to behead some turkeys!*

Isn't the chainsaw a bit of an overkill?

Now where's the pro-santa crowd.The people that argue that science is anti-santa.That there is proof that santa exists because the post services all around the world take letters for him without questioning.....

Now where's the pro-santa crowd.The people that argue that science is anti-santa.That there is proof that santa exists because the post services all around the world take letters for him without questioning.....

Then reads them and laugh.

Hang on....... Santa Cluas?

So Santa Claus exists then!

*points and laughs at OP!*:D
I admit I can't spell worth a fock!!!!;)

Santa: "Pff, magic, bitch."

Owned.

It's simple, there aren't very many (if any) good children anymore. Santa Claus lives but you don't deserve him. Also I saw him on TV:)

Isn't the chainsaw a bit of an overkill?

Isn't overkill the whole point?

So Santa doesn't exist, who gives a flying rat's ass?

It's not the air resistance which causes the heat, it's ram pressure.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ram_Pressure

Even though I'm Jewish, my parents told me Santa Clause was real so I wouldn't ruin it for my friends.

I was such a sick bastard when I was a kid that I turned the fireplace on!!!

I admit I can't spell worth a fock!!!!;)

well at least you're honest!;)

You would think, though, that in this day and age, Santa would have learned how to outsource.

You would think, though, that in this day and age, Santa would have learned how to outsource.

You think those elves are legal? Hah!

You think those elves are legal? Hah!

Is the north pole even a nation? You'd know, you're up there.

Santa warps time, everyone knows that. To Santa, the world seems to come to a complete stand-still during Christmas Eve.

Also, the article is wrong in assuming Santa only visits Christian kids, he'll come to anyone who knows the true meaning of Christmas: presents.

Is the north pole even a nation? You'd know, you're up there.

Precisely. I've seen the sweatshop, and the whittling knife beatings... but, you have to hand it to them, they do have a sense of quality, those childr... I mean, elves.

Now where's the pro-santa crowd.The people that argue that science is anti-santa.That there is proof that santa exists because the post services all around the world take letters for him without questioning.....

Fun fact, letters to Santa Claus get sent to Santa Claus Indiana, where there's an amusement park named Holiday World.

It should also be noted Holiday World was until 1984 known as "Santa Claus Land" I remember the old name when I was a little kid.

When Santa rose from the dead on the third day, it was apparent to all that He truly was our savior. Every year, He comes down from up above to perform the miracle of eX-mas. For those who believe in Him and accept Him as their savior, He transforms cookies and milk (which represent His body and blood, respectively) into frankincense, myrrh, and gold. The parents then pawn these gifts and use a portion of the profit to purchase toys for the children which they place under the eX-mas tree and attribute to Santa.

Sinners and nonbelievers are bribed with gifts of coal and other fossil fuels, which have been consistently been supplied in gross to the top executives of the energy industry. They, in turn, sell these fossil fuels for an enormous profit. When burned, they release vast amounts of CO2 into the atmosphere, which raises the global temperature, making Santa's north pole gated community, Pearly Gates, much more pleasant.

When this cycle is completed (some time this century), and the global temperature is high enough, Santa will make his rounds one last time, only this time, he retrieves the true believers and brings them up above to join Him to live out the rest of their lives with Him within the Pearly Gates community. Meanwhile, those who refuse to accept Him are doomed to burn in the now scalding hot area below the Arctic Circle, or try convince Satan (Santa's half-brother) to allow them to live in his stronghold, Antarctica. Although just as pleasant climate-wise, few will choose this over death, since Satan is pretty annoying. Since going senile, he spends his days telling everyone around him about "that one time with me and Jonah and this huge fish," and then promptly forgetting and retelling it.

In summary, believe or perish, heathens.

E=mc^2...If Santa travels faster than the speed of light, which is possible, in theory, then he would be traveling quicker than time itself. Given this, it throws the whole "Santa can't exsist because he doesn't have enough time"...

If you don't buy that, how about this one...I'm not sure how long the story of Santa Claus has been going on but I know that no man is happy in a lifelong serious relationship, like marriage, without getting some every so often. Lets say Santa has sex once a week. With the percentages of successful birth control, how many children would he have by now? Quite a bit, I would think. When I was younger, my father made me do chores and odd jobs; is it possible, like my father, Santa Claus makes his children help out the one day he works?

Has anyone seen the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Maybe Santa borrowed that TV invention and teleports the presents under the tree.

A few reasons, not even mentioning magic (we all know Santa has it...his reindeer fly and all...), that Santa very well could exsist. Very good point made by Greyenivol Colony...so good I'll restate it and confirm the rumor, I saw him on TV too! I also have several pictures of him and myself as a child.

Snata doesn't exist. If he did, my AA systems would have got him by now. *devilish grin*

Santa Claus is fictitiously real. :)

Santa Claus is fictitiously real. :)

If by that you mean he is ficticiously MIA due to my AA, then yes.

Well gee... it looks like I'll be signing Santa's name on the gift tags again this year, as well as buying all the presents from "Santa".

I really wish he would show his face and say, "Behold! I am real!" It would save me a lot of time and money. Meanwhile, I get to eat his cookies. HA!

Well gee... it looks like I'll be signing Santa's name on the gift tags again this year, as well as buying all the presents from "Santa".

I really wish he would show his face and say, "Behold! I am real!" It would save me a lot of time and money. Meanwhile, I get to eat his cookies. HA!

Make sure you tell your kids that santa likes high-quality cookies of your favorite cookies along with 'nog. (Can't use the full word as it is 11/10)

Trilby63;11929520']It's Bloody November!

seconded

So Santa doesn't exist, who gives a flying rat's ass?
Her majesty does (http://www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Her_Majesty%27s_Royal_Flying_Rat%27s_Ass). :D

Her majesty does (http://www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Her_Majesty%27s_Royal_Flying_Rat%27s_Ass). :D
:headbang:

Her majesty does (http://www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Her_Majesty%27s_Royal_Flying_Rat%27s_Ass). :D

ROFLMAO! :D

353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
My favourite part.:D

According to the Many-Worlds theory, all of our fiction exists in some reality or another. Therefore, Santa exists.

...just not in our reality.

Pfft..

Talk to the hand.

http://journals.tuxreports.com/lch/archives/handturkey.gif

This is a nonoissue. I say we all need to...


experience dance tonight!


Sorry. Had to.

This doesnt prove that Santa doesnt exist, it only proves that his reindeer are capable of bearing increadible loads. Most likely Santa employs a gravity nullification device to reduce the load somewhat, but since it is mentioned that one of his reindeer is somewhat exceptional, I would assume that Santa has a breeding program in place to create an 'Uber-Hirsh' which will, in time, replace the average reindeer.
As Santa has been around for several hundred years (in one form or another), I think it is safe to assume that the current intel regarding 'eight tiny reindeer' is out of date.

And, as was previously mentioned in this topic, 'Its fuckin' magic. Stop trying to rationalize it' :P

I'm in a strange mood.. Hence the following..




I am in tears here people.No presents this year.:eek: :(

(I know its old, but i couldnt resist)

I can assure you I am a "close personal friend of Santa". He exists. ;)

*ahem*
I found the brains of Santa Claus under my bed
I found them in a pickle jar
I wonder if he's dead
They smell like rotten tuna fish
And look more green then red
I found the brains of Santa Claus under my bed.

Of course Santa exists. He's just kicking back with Jesus at the moment, until the 25th of next month.

Of course there was a Santa, but since the only way I was going to get any pressies was shoot him down with a surface to air missile as he passed over my country........... guess there wont be any pressies at all this year.:eek:

El-Presidente Boris


PS those raindeer steaks we had for christmas dinner were pretty tasty too:D

shut up. it's not december.

I figured it out before I was five and I didn't even need to do a single engineering calculation. Just one question...

WHO PAYS FOR ALL HIS CRAP ANYWAY? OR IS HE A CRIMINAL?

I figured it out before I was five and I didn't even need to do a single engineering calculation. Just one question...

WHO PAYS FOR ALL HIS CRAP ANYWAY? OR IS HE A CRIMINAL?

Duh, his elves make it....

I figured it out before I was five and I didn't even need to do a single engineering calculation. Just one question...

WHO PAYS FOR ALL HIS CRAP ANYWAY? OR IS HE A CRIMINAL?

Donations.

Elven Magic.


and he does do about a bajillion counts of B&E in one night. Just because he leaves presents doesn't mean he doesn't take anything (besides the Milk and Cookies.) :p

People get confused about the Santa Claus issue due to misinformation. Most folks believe he lives at the North Pole in Christmastown. That's just not true. He only has an office there. Santa Claus lives with me. He stands out in the yard during the month of December. (not too far away from the house as his electric cord is not all that long and I only have the one extension cord)

Oh btw. Santa said that this year not to bother with the milk and cookies and to leave a fresh, new pack of light bulbs instead. (that's his lifeforce)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

Wait a minute.... the Queen weighs 88357.5 tons?!

I always did think she needs to go on a diet.
:D :D :D

You're a dick!
Santa can travel as fast as he wants to.
He is Gods messeneger dammit! :mad:

In answer to the elves discussion:

http://www.gotfuturama.com/Multimedia/MP3Sounds/xmaselves.mp3

Santa? SANTA? SSSAAAAANNTTAAAA!!

I'm in a strange mood.. Hence the following..




I am in tears here people.No presents this year.:eek: :(

(I know its old, but i couldnt resist)Pfft, Santa learnt how to delegate years ago. Each region how has its own Santa (the fruit of the loins of the original santa). Each of these Santas oversees many many elves who deal with customer relations, logistics, accounting, HR, PR and so forth (santa has a very lucrative deal in which Coca-Cola is allowed to use his image - how else do you think Santa finances his operation?). What's more, Santa has also learnt how to outsource. That's right, Santa has contracted your own parents to act as his agents. Using their Christmas code book they can figure out a predetermined day on which the present drop will take place for their household. The parents then collect these presents and store them until needed on Christmas eve.

"oh you may hear reindeer on your rooftop.
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill.
But if someones climbing down your chimney...you better load your gun and shoot to kill..."

-Christmas at Ground Zero.

Duh, Santa has hax.