NationStates Jolt Archive

Through careful study of the New Testament, I have discovered that despite his loving doctrine, Jesus Christ had one true enemy.

If we could all turn our bibles to Matthew 21:18...

*Ahem*

"18 Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. 19 Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered."

There you have it, all true Christians should kill fig trees as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ demonstrated.


*sarcasm*

Meh. Who likes figs anyway?

Does this mean I can't have fig newtons anymore?

:(

Jesus was acting out a little there, wasn't he? Still, many folks get very cranky if they don't have something to eat first thing in the AM, and coffee wasn't invented then.

But...but...Fig Newtons are soooooooo gooooooooood!

http://www.godhatesfigs.com

http://www.godhatesfigs.com

So, where do Fig Newtons fall in to the theological spectrum of fig-bashing?

Damn. I thought this was a thread about me.

So, where do Fig Newtons fall in to the theological spectrum of fig-bashing?

Right between fig hags and fig bags.

Through careful study of the New Testament, I have discovered that despite his loving doctrine, Jesus Christ had one true enemy.

If we could all turn our bibles to Matthew 21:18...

*Ahem*

"18 Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. 19 Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered."

There you have it, all true Christians should kill fig trees as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ demonstrated.


*sarcasm*you don't get it... the Fig tree was barren, no fruits. and what else is referred to as fruits? children. so people who don't bear children are the true enemy.
*thinks about the fact that MEN don't bear Children*
err... wait... not children... labor... Fruits of Labor... yes, so people who don't work and get paid for lazyness and frivolity are the true enemy!
*realizes he's posting this during work hours.*
wait, no that's not it.. err... underwear... Fruit of the Looms is evil... yes... that's.. no... not it...

Vegitarians?

:D

Vegitarians?

No, no. Vagitarians. They are the true evil.

No, people. I am the one true enemy of the death cult called "christianity".

He had a bad day. At least he didn't get home and kick the dog.

No, no. Vagitarians. They are the true evil.

Does that include everyone who eats pussy? Even lesbians? Even Bush?

http://i14.tinypic.com/4gzi04n.jpg

No, people. I am the one true enemy of the death cult called "christianity".

That's funny. As one of only a very select number of Christians who has even heard of you, I don't consider you to be much of a threat to my faith.

That's funny. As one of only a very select number of Christians who has even heard of you, I don't consider you to be much of a threat to my faith.

well, not yet, but one day you will all see.

Every assumes the Forbidden Fruit was an apple. How do we know it wasn't really a fig?

Does that include everyone who eats pussy? Even lesbians? Even Bush?

http://i14.tinypic.com/4gzi04n.jpg

Of course. There's nothing like carpet munching to anger the Lord, for he hath not made the organ in question smell fishy for naught.

Figs are disgusting. It's no wonder why the writers of the Bible hated them, and propagandised against them relentlessly.

Why call them fig newtons? They're clearly fig rolls.

No, no. Vagitarians. They are the true evil.

Does that include everyone who eats pussy? Even lesbians? Even Bush?

http://i14.tinypic.com/4gzi04n.jpg

Curses! Foiled again!

Of course. There's nothing like carpet munching to anger the Lord, for he hast not made the organ in question smell fishy for naught.

Jesus also fed a bunch of people with one loaf of bread and a fish. Maybe the Lord is saying it's only okay when he passes the fish out?

Why call them fig newtons? They're clearly fig rolls.

It's a marketing thing. You wouldn't understand.

Every assumes the Forbidden Fruit was an apple. How do we know it wasn't really a fig?some once thought the forbidden fruit was a tomato. others cherries...

Of course. There's nothing like carpet munching to anger the Lord, for he hath not made the organ in question smell fishy for naught.
considering that Fish was a staple diet for most of them...

Jesus also fed a bunch of people with one loaf of bread and a fish. Maybe the Lord is saying it's only okay when he passes the fish out?

See, but that fish was appropriately phallic shaped, meaning that only fishy dick is OK, meaning the Lord hateth circumcision. The Jews and Muslims are thus doomed.

considering that Fish was a staple diet for most of them...

In the desert? That's heresy.

Of course. There's nothing like carpet munching to anger the Lord, for he hath not made the organ in question smell fishy for naught.

The Lord notwithstanding, boys, if she smells fishy down there you might want to find someone with more interest in personal hygene.

In the desert? That's heresy.

desert? there was a major lake and several rivers in the area.


and he did call some of his disciples "fisher of MEN".

so that's an argument for Same Sex marrage if I ever heard one. :D

*cocks .45* finnally, those damn fig trees have been all up in ma kool aid fa so long, its time to fuck they sheeit up. :gundge:

desert? there was a major lake and several rivers in the area.

http://godhatescrustaceans.com/
http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

See, the Lord is not keen on seafood.

and he did call some of his disciples "fisher of MEN".
so that's an argument for Same Sex marrage if I ever heard one. :D

Well, Jesus wasn't exactly a fan of the ladies, for he knew to stay clear of the snatch.

Well, Jesus wasn't exactly a fan of the ladies, for he knew to stay clear of the snatch.So you mean...
...well, twelve fellas around him... :eek: :headbang:
.

So you mean...
...well, twelve fellas around him... :eek: :headbang:

Judas didn't kiss no breeder, honey!

and he did call some of his disciples "fisher of MEN".That reminds me of that lunatic Bavarian king (the one who build Neuschwanstein) who sent servants out all over Europe to bring him photos of handsome young men...
So Jesus founded a gay club. And it seems the churches are stuck to that :rolleyes:
.

That reminds me of that lunatic Bavarian king (the one who build Neuschwanstein) who sent servants out all over Europe to bring him photos of handsome young men...

There is nothing loony with pansy castles and gay porn. They make life easier to endure.

Judas didn't kiss no breeder, honey!Well that sheds a new light on how Mary got prgnant. God didn't want to touch a woman so he had his semen delivered. Reminds me of how Michael Jackson got his former wife pregnant. :mp5:
.

http://godhatescrustaceans.com/
http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

See, the Lord is not keen on seafood.


fish are not shrimp nor are they Crustaceans. ;)

Well that sheds a new light on how Mary got prgnant. God didn't want to touch a woman so he had his semen delivered. Reminds me of how Michael Jackson got his former wife pregnant.

http://img354.imageshack.us/img354/839/e1xo8.jpg
(truthful dramatisation)

fish are not shrimp nor are they Crustaceans. ;)

They are just abomination.

This thread Certified Stupid (http://home.comcast.net/~czell/legalstup.jpg)

The form lacks the name.
.

This thread Certified Stupid (http://home.comcast.net/~czell/legalstup.jpg)

Oh, you seem to be confusing religion with the thread.