GreaterPacificNations
08-11-2006, 20:45
Well, thats news...
In breaking reports, God has descended from the heavens to deny what is reportedly "a vicious rumour". God said at Jerusalem today that the whole misunderstanding was a result of bad blood between he and a former devotee, known only as 'mary'. Reports indicate that mary threatened to blackmail God if he did not cover for her illegitimate pregnancy to the town drunk, so as to save her marriage with Joseph of Bethlehem. When God refused, she made good with her threat and began circulating the rumour.
On Sunday, God issued the following statement "These vile and malicious rumours are nothing but mudslinging aimed at destroying my career as the one true creator. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. That child is not my son. The Jews are still the only crew going to heaven.". Beyond this initial statement, broadcasted into the minds of every human being on earth, God has declined to answer any further questions and/or prayers as per his standard 'no comment/miracle stance'. Throngs of jews are demanding a resignation in light of the news.
Worldwide, christians everywhere are in utter confusion. Some have begun worshipping christ as a completely seperate god altogether. Reports in Delhi say that christians are bathing in the Ganges, assumedly converting to hinduism enmasse. Almost every major mosque in the world is closed at this point, assumedly to form a stronger stance on conversion. Reports from Rome say that there is mass violence and rioting within the locked walls of the Vatican, whose top men have refused to answer any questions. In Mecca, religious officials of the Isalm faith have been qouted "We meant 'profit' as in his deeds were a 'profit' to society, not prophet!" commentators are sceptical.
The implications of this news are far reaching. The first question on most people mind is what to become of the Holy trinity. As far as the situation indicates as of yet, it seems that there is no alternative to dissolve the holy trinity. Jesus' PR agent has released a cancellation of his much awaited second coming for 'personal' reasons. Perhaps the most pressing concern for the citizens of the world is the imminent upsurge of vindicated sceptics, and their smart mouths.
This is West Mantooth, reporting from GreaterPacificNations, over to you Ron.
More news, I hear Mary has come (no pun intended) forward with a headscarf stained with holy jizz.
In breaking reports, God has descended from the heavens to deny what is reportedly "a vicious rumour". God said at Jerusalem today that the whole misunderstanding was a result of bad blood between he and a former devotee, known only as 'mary'. Reports indicate that mary threatened to blackmail God if he did not cover for her illegitimate pregnancy to the town drunk, so as to save her marriage with Joseph of Bethlehem. When God refused, she made good with her threat and began circulating the rumour.
On Sunday, God issued the following statement "These vile and malicious rumours are nothing but mudslinging aimed at destroying my career as the one true creator. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. That child is not my son. The Jews are still the only crew going to heaven.". Beyond this initial statement, broadcasted into the minds of every human being on earth, God has declined to answer any further questions and/or prayers as per his standard 'no comment/miracle stance'. Throngs of jews are demanding a resignation in light of the news.
Worldwide, christians everywhere are in utter confusion. Some have begun worshipping christ as a completely seperate god altogether. Reports in Delhi say that christians are bathing in the Ganges, assumedly converting to hinduism enmasse. Almost every major mosque in the world is closed at this point, assumedly to form a stronger stance on conversion. Reports from Rome say that there is mass violence and rioting within the locked walls of the Vatican, whose top men have refused to answer any questions. In Mecca, religious officials of the Isalm faith have been qouted "We meant 'profit' as in his deeds were a 'profit' to society, not prophet!" commentators are sceptical.
The implications of this news are far reaching. The first question on most people mind is what to become of the Holy trinity. As far as the situation indicates as of yet, it seems that there is no alternative to dissolve the holy trinity. Jesus' PR agent has released a cancellation of his much awaited second coming for 'personal' reasons. Perhaps the most pressing concern for the citizens of the world is the imminent upsurge of vindicated sceptics, and their smart mouths.
This is West Mantooth, reporting from GreaterPacificNations, over to you Ron.
More news, I hear Mary has come (no pun intended) forward with a headscarf stained with holy jizz.