NationStates Jolt Archive

Yesterday, I buried my mother. There was a simple, dignified service at the National Cemetary (my mother was a WWII Navy veteran), which was attended by family and a few friends. After the service, my family and I stayed for a short time and all of the friends left except one. We chatted for a little then my family and I went back to my house to look at old pictures and reminisce. The friend who had stayed at the cemetary with us showed up a few minutes after we had settled in with two bottles of wine, one of which he proceeded to drink. He didn't get obnoxious, but I was really not comfortable having him there. My family doesn't know him, he's not my boyfriend, there was no reason that I could see for him to stay. We were discussing family matters and things in which he could have had no interest and about which he certainly had no information.

I did nothing. I felt that it would be better to not create a scene or hurt someone's feelings, although I could tell that my cousins and children would really have preferred that he not be there.

What would you have done?

I would have kindly asked him if he needed to talk (he might have thought you needed to talk with a friend). If he didn't, I would have aked if you could have some time alone with your family, promising to talk with him at a certain time.

I would say something like "Well, I need to go to bed, I have to take care of my mom's affairs tomorrow and I need to get up early for that."

I probably would have done the same thing to be honest, I never was great with things like that.

I think probably the best thing to do would have been to say something like "I know that you probably want to go, thanks for coming to the funeral, I will see you tomorrow" and hope that he got the hint, although like I said, I wouldn't have done anything because even nice things tend to come out rude when I don't mean them to.

"Thanks for coming -- it's been a long day and we need some rest."

"Get out."

But then, I've always been on the brusk side.

I would have kindly asked him if he needed to talk (he might have thought you needed to talk with a friend). If he didn't, I would have aked if you could have some time alone with your family, promising to talk with him at a certain time.

I think that's the best way to handle it. A very subtle "Get the F*@K out", without the drama. Who knows? Maybe he did think you wanted to talk.

**Or he is Irish/Korean, and has a totally different concept of a wake. I'm not accounting for cultural differences here.**

I would have kindly asked him if he needed to talk (he might have thought you needed to talk with a friend). If he didn't, I would have aked if you could have some time alone with your family, promising to talk with him at a certain time.

Probably the best way to handle it. To the point and polite. I am sure he would have figured it out.

Very awkward, but you seemed to have gotten a free bottle of wine over the situation. Forget about him over it.

I'm half Irish, so I'm not sure what the problem was.

This sounds me a while back. I got really drunk and showed up at a party at some girls dorm cause I knew some of the people there. She had vodka which I wanted and asked if I could have some. She said no, which when I was drunk was not the correct answer. So when she wasn't looking I had some, but she caught and was pissed. a little while later her friend said " I'm sorry but its time for you to go. Its kinda only for people were invited" and I left. But jokes on her, I got free alcohol, so there. Long sorry short, just tell the guy what her friend told me.

"...you still here?"

Nah, not really. I wouldn't have been able to say anything.