NationStates Jolt Archive

Okay, so I don't get it.

Remember, for example, the Brad Pitt / Angelina Jolie thing? Of course you do, unless you've been hiding under a rock.
Why is she the one who is crucified for being a homewrecker when he is the one who was married, the one who kinda should have been faithful to his wife?

Or, more generally and less pop-culturally: why do so many people immediately focus on the third party involved in a break-up and heap their hate on them instead of on the cheating partner?

Or is this only the case if the third party is a woman? As in, "the whore", "the slut"?
Is it the same when the third party is a man? Or is it the unfaithful woman who is "the whore" and "the slut" in these cases?

Or am I mistaken to begin with and it's just my (erroneous) impression that, seeing a relationship dissolve, people are more inclined to blame the third party than the cheater?


ETA: Pitt & Jolie are just an illustrative example! This is not supposed to be a thread about them but about cheating in general (not in General, either).

People tend to blame both, but the thrid party is seen as guilty of a diffrent crime.

I had a brief fling with a guy who had a live-in girlfriend. But then I decided if he didn't respect her enough to stay faithful, he didn't respect women much. Not for me.

People tend to blame both, but the thrid party is seen as guilty of a diffrent crime.
As in... ?

I had a brief fling with a guy who had a live-in girlfriend. But then I decided if he didn't respect her enough to stay faithful, he didn't respect women much. Not for me.
Smart girl.

Hmm...Depends on the situation. Thus, the mailman.

i'm not sure, i'll vote the cheating partner. but unless the third party is a tool they're going to have a significant role as well. and equally the cheated on might bring it upon themselves by being a nutcase or whatever.

Okay, so I don't get it.

Remember the Brad Pitt / Angelina Jolie thing? Of course you do, unless you've been hiding under a rock.
Why is she the one who is crucified for being a homewrecker when he is the one who was married, the one who kinda should have been faithful to his wife?

Or, more generally and less pop-culturally: why do so many people immediately focus on the third party involved in a break-up and heap their hate on them instead of on the cheating partner?

Or is this only the case if the third party is a woman? As in, "the whore", "the slut"?
Is it the same when the third party is a man? Or is it the unfaithful woman who is "the whore" and "the slut" in these cases?

Or am I mistaken to begin with and it's just my (erroneous) impression that, seeing a relationship dissolve, people are more inclined to blame the third party than the cheater?

If I can think of a good way to put the options, I'll add a poll.

He knew he was married. He's an asshole.
She knew he was married. She's an asshole.

;) Any questions?

It depends whether the "third party" knows if "the cheating partner" is cheating.

It depends whether the "third party" knows if "the cheating partner" is cheating.

Well, in this case, as Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston were hardly a low profile couple, I say Angelina is as much an asshole as he.

Lets face it, if you can't stay faithful to your partner, you don't deserve to have/be in a relationship.

I personally, believe that always the cheating partner is to blame, and, dependant on the situation, the third party. However, if the third party cannot tell that the cheating partner is in a relationship (characterized usually by "No, I can't come tonight, I have...erm...work. Yeah, work, that's it! Work!") then they're certainly less to blame. If a little dimmer than most.

If I ever felt the compulsion to cheat on whoever was unlucky enough to be my partner at the time, I would invite a random ex-execution officer from the republican guard to promptly chop my gonads off.

Luckily for me, I believe in faithfulness above all others, and talking through what problems I have, so that situation won't (or at least, it better not) arise.

Hmm...Depends on the situation. Thus, the mailman.
Hence why I added him. :P

i'm not sure, i'll vote the cheating partner. but unless the third party is a tool they're going to have a significant role as well. and equally the cheated on might bring it upon themselves by being a nutcase or whatever.
Yeah, that's kind of what it looks like in my head in regard to this topic. It's almost never clear-cut, either, so I just hate it when people start off spouting some "Whore goes to hell!" bullshit. (Well, okay, that's on the internet, not in real life. Maybe I should just stop being online to get my sanity and faith in humanity back. :p).

He knew he was married. He's an asshole.
She knew he was married. She's an asshole.

;) Any questions?
I guess I'd still say he's the bigger asshole then, but I definitely see your point.

Well, in this case, as Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston were hardly a low profile couple, I say Angelina is as much an asshole as he.

He could have told her that they had broken up and the press just know yet but I'm just specualting.

He knew he was married. He's an asshole.
She knew he was married. She's an asshole.

;) Any questions?Just one...

Why do so many people care what a couple of assholes are doing?

Okay, so I don't get it.

Remember the Brad Pitt / Angelina Jolie thing? Of course you do, unless you've been hiding under a rock.
Why is she the one who is crucified for being a homewrecker when he is the one who was married, the one who kinda should have been faithful to his wife?

Or, more generally and less pop-culturally: why do so many people immediately focus on the third party involved in a break-up and heap their hate on them instead of on the cheating partner?

Or is this only the case if the third party is a woman? As in, "the whore", "the slut"?
Is it the same when the third party is a man? Or is it the unfaithful woman who is "the whore" and "the slut" in these cases?

Or am I mistaken to begin with and it's just my (erroneous) impression that, seeing a relationship dissolve, people are more inclined to blame the third party than the cheater?


ETA: Pitt & Jolie are just an illustrative example! This is not supposed to be a thread about them but about cheating in general (not in General, either).

I never understood it either, I remember my friend finding out her husband was cheating on her so she went and beat up the woman he was cheating with, I asked "did she know he was married?" and she said "no", but of course HE knew he was married, so I didn't understand why the woman was the one in trouble. "She tried to steal my man" :rolleyes:

I remember talking to my husband about it when it happened and I told him "if you ever cheat on me, make no mistake YOU are the one who is in trouble" ;)

I never understood it either, I remember my friend finding out her husband was cheating on her so she went and beat up the woman he was cheating with, I asked "did she know he was married?" and she said "no", but of course HE knew he was married, so I didn't understand why the woman was the one in trouble. "She tried to steal my man" :rolleyes:
Ugh.

And she even knew that the other woman didn't even know that he was married?

Okay, I take back what I said above - people are just as stupid in real life as they are on the internet. >.<

All women are sluts.

Nah...I love women generally but my one in perticular. :D

I never understood it either, I remember my friend finding out her husband was cheating on her so she went and beat up the woman he was cheating with, I asked "did she know he was married?" and she said "no", but of course HE knew he was married, so I didn't understand why the woman was the one in trouble. "She tried to steal my man" :rolleyes:

Hm, on second thought, I guess I can see why the cheatee would want to blame the third party rather than their partner - it's definitely easier to blame some stranger who came barging in and seducing and stealing your partner away, making the poor sods powerless to resist their wiles.

The alternative would be to accept that
1) your partner was the one who cheated on you, willingly.
2) apparently neither your partner nor your relationship were what you thought they were.


What I don't get, though, is why *other*, uninvolved people go about blaming the third party, too. I mean, they don't have any stake in the whole thing. :confused:

Ugh.

And she even knew that the other woman didn't even know that he was married?

Okay, I take back what I said above - people are just as stupid in real life as they are on the internet. >.<

she isn't bright. ;)

He has cheated on her for 3 years now, on and off, with different women, I asked her "if he truely respected, loved, cherished you why would he do that?" and she said "it's my fault because I won't do that thing in bed"

I tried to explain to her that it's his fault that he is a jerk and regardless of what she does or does not do in bed, he shouldn't be cheating.

A lot of celebrities feel that they live in a universe where the normal laws of reality don't apply to them and thus have a warped sense of right or wrong. The likelihood of this being the case increases as their status approaches the top. Thus, the most popular and famous celebrities are in and out of relationships as they bump into new people and - being relationally dysfunctional - think they love the new person more than the last. Of course, they don't love anyone but themselves - the new person just enhances how they feel about themselves.
Blaming either of them is therefore pointless.

If a person is in a monogamous, longterm relationship/marriage/civil union, and they cheat, they are the ones primarily at fault. Why? The other person is likely unhitched and therefore not cheating. One one with a committed relationship is.

Chances are third party has been misled by the cheater. It's possible they know the person is married, but they've been led on by any one of possible lies (ie: "My wife/husband and I was divorcing", "My wife/husband doesn't treat me like an equal any more; they don't love me" etc...)

The third party may have contributed to the hurt, but they aren't the ones who made the infidel partner cheat. That partner chose to; they had the free will to make that choice.

I figure people need to do whatever they need to do to be happy.

Marriage is just a piece of paper on a wall, not a contract for life. It's not a renewable license.

If someone's married and they find someone else that makes them happier, then go for it. Get divorced and move on.

she isn't bright. ;)

He has cheated on her for 3 years now, on and off, with different women, I asked her "if he truely respected, loved, cherished you why would he do that?" and she said "it's my fault because I won't do that thing in bed"

I tried to explain to her that it's his fault that he is a jerk and regardless of what she does or does not do in bed, he shouldn't be cheating.

*nods in agreement*.

If I ever cheat on a future wife, I expect to be completely and utterly pounded by said wife.

And it certainly won't make Him very happy either...

Why is she the one who is crucified for being a homewrecker when he is the one who was married, the one who kinda should have been faithful to his wife?

For the same reason that, when a guy catches his girlfriend/wife cheating with another guy, he beats the hell out of the guy. Maybe it isn't entirely sensical, but it's my observation of the situation.

Just one...

Why do so many people care what a couple of assholes are doing?Seconded. Going by the original poster's standards, I have apparently been living under a rock.

Lets face it, if you can't stay faithful to your partner, you don't deserve to have/be in a relationship.



Not everyone who is in a relationship exists in a monogamous one ya know.

For the same reason that, when a guy catches his girlfriend/wife cheating with another guy, he beats the hell out of the guy. Maybe it isn't entirely sensical, but it's my observation of the situation.
Exactly. Hence my question of *why* that is so.

Seconded. Going by the original poster's standards, I have apparently been living under a rock.
Well, it's certainly a good rock to be living under. :p
Also, again, I only used that as an illustrative example.

Not everyone who is in a relationship exists in a monogamous one ya know. In which case there's no such thing as cheating.
I.e. I'm talking about monogamous relationships.

Not everyone who is in a relationship exists in a monogamous one ya know.

Sure, but it's not "cheating" if one's partner(s) consented to one having sex with other people, so that hardly applies. (And besides, even poly relationships have rules - they're just somewhat different rules. For example, I would imagine that my friend K would be very upset if either of her boyfriends had sex with her mother.)

Sure, but it's not "cheating" if one's partner(s) consented to one having sex with other people,

Sure, but the poster I was quoting didn't say "cheating", (s)he said "stay faithful", and said that people who don't "stay faithful" shouldn't be in the relationship. Thus I question whether that's true, if you consider "staying faithful" to mean "don't sleep with other people

For example, I would imagine that my friend K would be very upset if either of her boyfriends had sex with her mother.)

Meh, some people I'm sure are into that sorta thing.

im pretty sure its always the woman's fault no matter if she is the other woman, the cheater or the offended spouse.

brad pitt was married and carrying on with angelina jolie, obviously he cant be expected to control himself, jolie is a whore. besides, anniston let him go on that movie production with that whore, its all her fault.

and of course if its the wife who cheats on the husband, its all her fault, shes a whore.

personally, i put the actual fault on the cheater. especially someone high profile like a movie star gets almost constant propositions, its his/her duty to avoid temptation.

BUT, the "other" is at fault too. s/he isnt cheating but a moral person doesnt participate in the destruction of someone else's marriage. there are plenty of single people out there, you dont need to be fucking someone else's man or woman. maybe "fault" isnt the word i want. lets just call it "wrong"

im pretty sure its always the woman's fault no matter if she is the other woman, the cheater or the offended spouse.

brad pitt was married and carrying on with angelina jolie, obviously he cant be expected to control himself, jolie is a whore. besides, anniston let him go on that movie production with that whore, its all her fault.

and of course if its the wife who cheats on the husband, its all her fault, shes a whore.
Yeah, exactly what I feared.

personally, i put the actual fault on the cheater. especially someone high profile like a movie star gets almost constant propositions, its his/her duty to avoid temptation.

BUT, the "other" is at fault too. s/he isnt cheating but a moral person doesnt participate in the destruction of someone else's marriage. there are plenty of single people out there, you dont need to be fucking someone else's man or woman. maybe "fault" isnt the word i want. lets just call it "wrong"
I agree.

The cheating partner is the only one who deserves any significant blame, unless the third party was somehow manipulative.

And, apparently, I've been hiding under a rock.

The cheating partner is the only one who deserves any significant blame, unless the third party was somehow manipulative.
Agreed.

And, apparently, I've been hiding under a rock.
And you're already the second person in the thread. Hm, guess the celebrity PR machinery didn't permeate the last crevices of the world after all. Outrage! :p

The cheating partner is the only one who deserves any significant blame, unless the third party was somehow manipulative.

And, apparently, I've been hiding under a rock.

you lucky sot! oh how i wish that i could be under that rock with you.

not that i care what pitt and jolie DO, its the glorification of their all-too-obviously-destined-to-be-temporary relationship and family by the press that makes me sick.

neither of them has been able to sustain a marriage for more than a few years and yet its supposed to be WONDERFUL that he adopted her children and they have started having children of their own when they cant even be bothered to get married (not that that has any hold on people like this). i feel sorry for the children who are going to get jerked around in this mess that passes for the most beautiful family in the world.

And you're already the second person in the thread. Hm, guess the celebrity PR machinery didn't permeate the last crevices of the world after all. Outrage! :p

I live in the US, and not in the middle of nowhere. I'm sure it's permeated here, but I completely ignore anything to do with celebrities.

I live in the US, and not in the middle of nowhere. I'm sure it's permeated here, but I completely ignore anything to do with celebrities.
Heh, I didn't literally mean the "last crevices of the world". :p

Who cares who's responsible? Stone'em all!

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/steinigung.jpg

My wife is living with the scumbag she cheated on me with.
He knew she was married and had two children, one an infant!, and did not care that he was helping to break up my family.
I blame both my wife and the piece of shit she is now with.

My wife had the excuse of not being in her right mind due to her drug/alcohol addiction and the guilt of having had her children taken away from us by the state becuase my son was born with drugs in his system.

He has no excuse at all for manipulating her when she was lonely (we were not allowed to live together until she completed rehab) and vulnerable.

I hope every single day that the Karma train pays both of them a visit soon.

Sure, but the poster I was quoting didn't say "cheating", (s)he said "stay faithful", and said that people who don't "stay faithful" shouldn't be in the relationship. Thus I question whether that's true, if you consider "staying faithful" to mean "don't sleep with other people

I don't, really. I'd define it more as "don't break agreements with your partner, whether implicit or explicit, about whom you may sleep with or try to sleep with." In most cases, that simply ends up being effectively equivalent to "don't sleep with (or try to sleep with) other people."


Meh, some people I'm sure are into that sorta thing.

Oh, I'm sure some people are - which is why I used a specific example of a poly friend of mine, who very definitely would not be. :)

Exactly. Hence my question of *why* that is so.

Jealousy, I figure.

I've never understood cheating. Just ask. Asking can solve so many problems.

Meh, from what it seemed to me, the media made up a lot of the cheating thing and Jennifer Aniston got all jealous and pissy and then the Jolie/Pitt thing probably didn't fully happen until after the marriage dissolved.


I don't think that the third party should necessarily be held at fault, chances are that if someone's cheating on someone else the relationship is in pretty rough shape to begin with.

Who cares who's responsible? Stone'em all!

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/steinigung.jpg

What the hell is LG doing at a stoning?

My wife is living with the scumbag she cheated on me with.
He knew she was married and had two children, one an infant!, and did not care that he was helping to break up my family.
I blame both my wife and the piece of shit she is now with.

My wife had the excuse of not being in her right mind due to her drug/alcohol addiction and the guilt of having had her children taken away from us by the state becuase my son was born with drugs in his system.

He has no excuse at all for manipulating her when she was lonely (we were not allowed to live together until she completed rehab) and vulnerable.

I hope every single day that the Karma train pays both of them a visit soon.

thats why i feel that the "other" is wrong also. the cheating falls squarely on the shoulders of the person who cheats, no getting past that. but if you are going to be married for 50+ years, there will come a time when you are vulnerable to cheating. if the "other" didnt agree to an affair, the time might pass without having a chance to actually cheat. aiding and abetting is a crime also eh?

What the hell is LG doing at a stoning?
Hehe, that is what I was thinking when I found the pic. :D

The obvious problem is wedding rings are too easily removed. So don't get a ring, get a tattoo on the forehead that says "MARRIED".

The obvious problem is wedding rings are too easily removed. So don't get a ring, get a tattoo on the forehead that says "MARRIED".
My divorce was fairly cheap. Getting tattoos removed is expensive.

The way I think of it, the cheating partner is obviously the most at fault. They are, after all, the person doing the actual cheating.

But the third party, if they know that the person is cheating, is not far behind, in my book. A person who is willing to sleep with someone they know is cheating apparently has no more respect for relationships than the person who is actually cheating.

The way I think of it, the cheating partner is obviously the most at fault. They are, after all, the person doing the actual cheating.

But the third party, if they know that the person is cheating, is not far behind, in my book. A person who is willing to sleep with someone they know is cheating apparently has no more respect for relationships than the person who is actually cheating.

s muy ex said, "I've never seen a ring block a hole."

I briefly dated a married man. I didn't know he was married (being young and naive at the time). When I found out he was married, I got out. My leaving didn't stop him from cheating, he just found someone else. My leaving was for my own benefit, not his and not his wife's. The third party is responsible for his/her actions but not for the state of another person's marriage.

Hm, on second thought, I guess I can see why the cheatee would want to blame the third party rather than their partner - it's definitely easier to blame some stranger who came barging in and seducing and stealing your partner away, making the poor sods powerless to resist their wiles.

The alternative would be to accept that
1) your partner was the one who cheated on you, willingly.
2) apparently neither your partner nor your relationship were what you thought they were.


What I don't get, though, is why *other*, uninvolved people go about blaming the third party, too. I mean, they don't have any stake in the whole thing. :confused:I think that in this case, people viewed Jennifer Aniston as *everywoman* living the ideal, and so these women empathized with her. The media also made it seem as though their marriage was a fairytale with no problems. Thus, the only way the marriage could have ended was if a third party caused it.

Meh, from what it seemed to me, the media made up a lot of the cheating thing and Jennifer Aniston got all jealous and pissy and then the Jolie/Pitt thing probably didn't fully happen until after the marriage dissolved.

I don't think that the third party should necessarily be held at fault, chances are that if someone's cheating on someone else the relationship is in pretty rough shape to begin with.Yes, I agree, though the third party gets a little bit of blame, but not nearly as much as the cheating partner.

The way I think of it, the cheating partner is obviously the most at fault. They are, after all, the person doing the actual cheating.

But the third party, if they know that the person is cheating, is not far behind, in my book. A person who is willing to sleep with someone they know is cheating apparently has no more respect for relationships than the person who is actually cheating.I agree.

Well, since I just broke up with the azzhat who "cheated" on me, I have to say the cheater rather than the third party.

In this case I'm not talking marriage. I'm talking any sort of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

In the case I'm talking about.... Let's just say "Phillip" is dating "Pancakea". They're doing fine.... or so Pancakea thinks. One day Phillip starts going out with another girl (let's just call her Jessica), saying that he broke up with me... err, Pancakea. This happens on a Friday. On Monday and Tuesday, Phillip avoids Pancakea, which pisses me-err, Pancakea off. On Wednesday the whole school has learned that Phillip has broken up with Pnacakea.... only Pancakea finds out that morning. Though on Tuesday in math tutoring, her freind "Stephen" tells her that Phillip is cheating on her. Well, poor little Pancakea is pissed off and so calls Phillip a balless ahsshat.

Moral of this story... it doesn't matter whether you're in high school or not, the cheating arse is ALWAYS to blame, and though the third party most likely wasn't in this case, the 3rd party may be to blame in other cases.



:mad: :headbang: :upyours:

Well, since I just broke up with the azzhat who "cheated" on me, I have to say the cheater rather than the third party.

In this case I'm not talking marriage. I'm talking any sort of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

In the case I'm talking about.... Let's just say "Phillip" is dating "Pancakea". They're doing fine.... or so Pancakea thinks. One day Phillip starts going out with another girl (let's just call her Jessica), saying that he broke up with me... err, Pancakea. This happens on a Friday. On Monday and Tuesday, Phillip avoids Pancakea, which pisses me-err, Pancakea off. On Wednesday the whole school has learned that Phillip has broken up with Pnacakea.... only Pancakea finds out that morning. Though on Tuesday in math tutoring, her freind "Stephen" tells her that Phillip is cheating on her. Well, poor little Pancakea is pissed off and so calls Phillip a balless ahsshat.

Moral of this story... it doesn't matter whether you're in high school or not, the cheating arse is ALWAYS to blame, and though the third party most likely wasn't in this case, the 3rd party may be to blame in other cases.

I agree - the cheater is the one who abuses the trust and therefor is to blame.

PS: Pancakea? Subtle way to anonymize, I have no idea who you're talking about, Pancake ;) :p

I agree - the cheater is the one who abuses the trust and therefor is to blame.

PS: Pancakea? Subtle way to anonymize, I have no idea who you're talking about, Pancake ;) :p

Good. I wanted to protect my... err, her identity. Of course, some may already know... ;)




:p

I think many people blame the woman because guys tend not to think with their brains all of the time.

I personally blame both equally. Anyone who is having sex with people to whom they are not married is equally wrong. Whether or not they are married to someone else. The problems caused (or usually exacerbated, becuase they already existed, if the partner is cheating) in an existing marriage, however, are caused by the cheating partner, not the cheatee.

Good. I wanted to protect my... err, her identity. Of course, some may already know... ;)

:p

An excellent use of pseudonyms. We'll never guess who it is.

*spoken from a secure spot, firmly positioned under the rock from which Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and whoever else the other one involved in whatever else did or did not happen cannot be seen in the least. Brad who?*

Good. I wanted to protect my... err, her identity. Of course, some may already know... ;)




:p

I do. ;)








OOC:
May all...
:fluffle: -based... ;P

I thought this was about cheating on tests.

*slinks back into the shadows*

im pretty sure its always the woman's fault no matter if she is the other woman, the cheater or the offended spouse.

I think it's more a gender thing, as Ice Hochey Player put it:

For the same reason that, when a guy catches his girlfriend/wife cheating with another guy, he beats the hell out of the guy. Maybe it isn't entirely sensical, but it's my observation of the situation.