NationStates Jolt Archive

i have a few but i have one particular favourite.
i know alot of people probbaly will not like this thread, but most of us live in countries were we are allowed say what we like not matter how stupid. so honour on ridding us of racism, i propose we make as many racist jokes as posible in order that when racists speak, we can only laugh at them.
this will probably to alot of black, jew and irish jokes.

my fav:
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?


pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.



p.s. i'm not a racist.

dead baby jokes are infinitely superior.

make a separate thread if you can remember any then.

It's not really funny at all. It's not that you're racist, but I particularily disgust jokes that touch sensitive topics.

p.s. I'm not Jewish nor a racist, but who cares?

*crickets chirping in the background*

It's not my favorite, but it's the only one that comes to mind right now.

This Jewish guy goes into a bar, and there's a Chinese gentleman
sitting at the counter. The Jewish guy goes up, whales off and
punches the Chinese guy, knocking him to the floor.

The Jewish guy stands over the Chinese guy and says, "That's for
Pearl Harbor!"

The Chinese guy looks up and says, "But I'm Chinese! The Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor!"

"Chinese? Japanese? What's the difference?"

So the Chinese guy gets up and walks out without saying another word.

The next day the Chinese guy goes into the same bar and sees the same
Jewish guy sitting at the counter. So the Chinese guy goes up and
punches the Jewish guy, knocking him on the floor.

The Chinese guy stands over the Jewish guy and says, "That's for the
sinking of the Titanic!"

The Jewish guy says, "But I had nothing to do with the sinking of the
Titanic! Neither did any of my family!"

"Goldberg? Iceberg? What's the difference?"

dead baby jokes are infinitely superior.


Quoted for troof! :D

Why is a racist like a drunk? Because everything he says ends in a slur.

Why didn't the racist cross the road? Because she was afraid of seeing the other side.

Why couldn't the racist get work as a doctor? Because every time he felt bad about himself, he'd try to put someone down.

Have you heard about the racist who choked on his yoghurt? Someone told him that it grew out of a foreign culture.

Have you heard about the racist who was terrified of getting culture shock? That's why she only attacked people without power.

Why is a racist like a drug runner? Because they are both terrified of foreign customs.

Did you hear about the racist who was invited to address the recycling conference? He had a lot of experience in talking rubbish.

Ooops, you were looking for jokes that are racist, not jokes ABOUT the racist. My bad.

what's better than ten dead racists in a barrel?


a dead racist in ten barrels.

*snip*


Oh boy...this won't end well..

racist jokes *and* dead baby jokes aren't even funny. they're stupid attempts to prove machismo. I posit that there is an inverse relationship between penis size and number of such jokes told.

i have a few but i have one particular favourite.
i know alot of people probbaly will not like this thread, but most of us live in countries were we are allowed say what we like not matter how stupid. so honour on ridding us of racism, i propose we make as many racist jokes as posible in order that when racists speak, we can only laugh at them.
this will probably to alot of black, jew and irish jokes.

my fav:
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?


pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.



p.s. i'm not a racist.

Okay, but white male jokes should be here too. Too bad I have none.

Alternative response to your joke:

Jews aren't covered in cheese when you put them in an oven.

Why is a racist like a drunk? Because everything he says ends in a slur.

Why didn't the racist cross the road? Because she was afraid of seeing the other side.

Why couldn't the racist get work as a doctor? Because every time he felt bad about himself, he'd try to put someone down.

Have you heard about the racist who choked on his yoghurt? Someone told him that it grew out of a foreign culture.

Have you heard about the racist who was terrified of getting culture shock? That's why she only attacked people without power.

Why is a racist like a drug runner? Because they are both terrified of foreign customs.

Did you hear about the racist who was invited to address the recycling conference? He had a lot of experience in talking rubbish.

Ooops, you were looking for jokes that are racist, not jokes ABOUT the racist. My bad.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v427/vonbek/ostard.jpg

Remember - as I have recently had rammed down my throat - racist jokes and portraying people in a racist manner is OK if you are doing it to expose other peoples racism and to break down strerotypes by.... erm... using racist stereotypes.

what's better than ten dead racists in a barrel?


a dead racist in ten barrels.

Nice! :D

How can you make a racist cry?

Tell him we're all black on the inside

Okay, but white male jokes should be here too. Too bad I have none.

Alternative response to your joke:

Jews aren't covered in cheese when you put them in an oven.

You just can't make a funny straight white male joke. What are you going to say? "Three white guys walk into a bar. They have a beverage and don't rob the place."

You just can't make a funny straight white male joke. What are you going to say? "Three white guys walk into a bar. They have a beverage and don't rob the place."

"Three white guys walk into a bar. They decide the bar is theirs, inform the bar owners that they have to believe in THEIR God and pass diseases to the patrons."

And I'm straight, white and male. :p

Why is a racist like a drunk? Because everything he says ends in a slur.

Why didn't the racist cross the road? Because she was afraid of seeing the other side.

Why couldn't the racist get work as a doctor? Because every time he felt bad about himself, he'd try to put someone down.

Have you heard about the racist who choked on his yoghurt? Someone told him that it grew out of a foreign culture.

Have you heard about the racist who was terrified of getting culture shock? That's why she only attacked people without power.

Why is a racist like a drug runner? Because they are both terrified of foreign customs.

Did you hear about the racist who was invited to address the recycling conference? He had a lot of experience in talking rubbish.

Ooops, you were looking for jokes that are racist, not jokes ABOUT the racist. My bad.

Awesome, Bottle!

"Three white guys walk into a bar. They decide the bar is theirs, inform the bar owners that they have to believe in THEIR God and pass diseases to the patrons."

And I'm straight, white and male. :p

Considering the owner of the bar is probably a drunken Irishman, and therefore white, why would they take his business or give him a disease?

You just can't make a funny straight white male joke. What are you going to say? "Three white guys walk into a bar. They have a beverage and don't rob the place."
Depends on your standards of "funny," I suppose. I know plenty of man-jokes, just like I know plenty of woman-jokes, it's just that you have to find sexism funny in order enjoy them at all.

Examples:

Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small or handicapped.

Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like.....High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

so this nazi walked into a bar. that's my story and i'm sticking to it, officer.

so this nazi walked into a bar. that's my story and i'm sticking to it, officer.

LMAO! haha, that's a good one! :D

Pointless, Unnecessary racism from Lil' Jimmy Norton

http://jimnorton.ytmnd.com/

Irish guy from the boglands travels to London to get a job in the building industry.

The foreman looks him up and down, tutting in disapproval at the way the chap is dressed - cords held up with string, dirty boots and a faded knock-off shirt which was almost fashionable ten years back. He doesn't want to employ the blow-in, but doesn't want to be accused of racism so he tests him:

Foreman: Tell you what, I'll give you a days work shovelling sand from here to there if you can tell me the difference between a joist and girder.

Mick: One of them wrote Finnegan's Wake and the other one wrote Faust.

Irish guy from the boglands travels to London to get a job in the building industry.

The foreman looks him up and down, tutting in disapproval at the way the chap is dressed - cords held up with string, dirty boots and a faded knock-off shirt which was almost fashionable ten years back. He doesn't want to employ the blow-in, but doesn't want to be accused of racism so he tests him:

Foreman: Tell you what, I'll give you a days work shovelling sand from here to there if you can tell me the difference between a joist and girder.

Mick: One of them wrote Finnegan's Wake and the other one wrote Faust.

LOL!!!!

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

10, 1 to do it while the other 9 drink all the beer and eat all the food

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

10, 1 to do it while the other 9 drink all the beer and eat all the food

Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many heterosexual men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: It obviously has to be done by just one. They don't screw around with
other men.

While I prefer lewd sex act, dead baby and cannibalism jokes, I do have a racist joke that gives me a horrendous bit of schadenfreude.

"Yeah, my great-grandfather died in the holocaust too, he fell out of a guard tower."

While I prefer lewd sex act, dead baby and cannibalism jokes, I do have a racist joke that gives me a horrendous bit of schadenfreude.

"Yeah, my great-grandfather died in the holocaust too, he fell out of a guard tower."

My father is Jewish, but I was going to use that joke. :(

So, here's my dead baby joke.



What's the difference between a Mercedes and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Mercedes in my garage.

"Yeah, my great-grandfather died in the holocaust too, he fell out of a guard tower."

The police arrest an old man and he is charged with drunken driving.

In court his lawyer describes how the man is a WWII veteran and served with distinction in North Africa, Sicily, Italy, the Ardennes and Holland. He explains how the accused has suffered throughout his life due to the horrors to which he was exposed: having seen friends and comrades shot and blown up next to him, and this suffering led to the veteran becoming an alcoholic. The lawyer pleads for mercy and tells how highly decorated the man is and how he keeps the fires of comradeship by travelling to army reunions every year, only to see fewer and fewer old men attend.

The judge listens and is obviously affected. He hears the tales of deprivation and the hells of war that this man was forced to go through, and finally announces: 'I declare that this man not only be let off this charge, but also suggest that he be given freedom of the city in recognition of the sacrifices he made.'

The courtroom explodes into victorious cheers and it is a time of high emotion.

The accused stands up at attention, raises one arm and shouts 'Danke, Mein Führer!'.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Mercedes in my garage.

NICE ONE!!! :p

Morbid, though. o_O

The police arrest an old man and he is charged with drunken driving.

In court his lawyer describes how the man is a WWII veteran and served with distinction in North Africa, Sicily, Italy, the Ardennes and Holland. He explains how the accused has suffered throughout his life due to the horrors to which he was exposed: having seen friends and comrades shot and blown up next to him, and this suffering led to the veteran becoming an alcoholic. The lawyer pleads for mercy and tells how highly decorated the man is and how he keeps the fires of comradeship by travelling to army reunions every year, only to see fewer and fewer old men attend.

The judge listens and is obviously affected. He hears the tales of deprivation and the hells of war that this man was forced to go through, and finally announces: 'I declare that this man not only be let off this charge, but also suggest that he be given freedom of the city in recognition of the sacrifices he made.'

The courtroom explodes into victorious cheers and it is a time of high emotion.

The accused stands up at attention, raises one arm and shouts 'Danke, Mein Führer!'.

LOL now that was even better than the one with guardtower!

racist jokes *and* dead baby jokes aren't even funny. they're stupid attempts to prove machismo. I posit that there is an inverse relationship between penis size and number of such jokes told.

That would mean that I have an infinitely large penis.

I must agree.

racist jokes *and* dead baby jokes aren't even funny. they're stupid attempts to prove machismo. I posit that there is an inverse relationship between penis size and number of such jokes told.
Whew, then it's a good thing I tell lots of dead baby jokes, because I'd hate to have a penis...

Though I suppose in my case it must be an effort to prove "womachismo" or something, right?

Whew, then it's a good thing I tell lots of dead baby jokes, because I'd hate to have a penis...

Though I suppose in my case it must be an effort to prove "womachismo" or something, right?


I think tahts 'femismo'.... ....

Whew, then it's a good thing I tell lots of dead baby jokes, because I'd hate to have a penis...


Not even borrowing someone else's? ;)

Not even borrowing someone else's? ;)
Borrowing is fine by me. Just as long as I don't have to carry the damn thing around all the time. Penises are very handy in certain situations, but I'm quite happy to not have a sweaty package bunched up in the front of my jeans, or a set of balls that I could be kicked in. Besides, as I've often remarked, I'm a very clumsy person, and I would inevitably get something important caught in my zipper.

No, I much prefer to have my boyfriend carry around "my" penis for me. ;)

Borrowing is fine by me. Just as long as I don't have to carry the damn thing around all the time. Penises are very handy in certain situations, but I'm quite happy to not have a sweaty package bunched up in the front of my jeans, or a set of balls that I could be kicked in. Besides, as I've often remarked, I'm a very clumsy person, and I would inevitably get something important caught in my zipper.

All very good reasons. The penis, it is a heavy burden that we men must shoulder, for the good of humanity.

I think this one is cute:

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."
She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go to the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination', I'll give you a cookie."


How does every ethnic joke start?
The person telling it looking around.

All very good reasons. The penis, it is a heavy burden that we men must shoulder, for the good of humanity.
You can SHOULDER it?!

You know, my boyfriend's going to be home late tonight...

(j/k)

Reminds me of a joke I once heard:

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station.
They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of them said to it,
"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien,
annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude,
drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We
come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your
leader or I will fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you mustn't anger
him...!", but before he finished his warning, the first alien
fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters
into the desert, where they landed in a heap.

When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to
the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed
us! But, how did you know it was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my
travels through the galaxy, it's that if a creature has a penis he can
wrap around himself twice and then stick into his own ear, don't screw
with it!"

Oh brother, the Keyboard Anti-Racist Agitators and Polemicists (i.e., KA-RAPs) will be out in force for this one. Gotta keep it real, baby!

Anyway, submitted for your consideration:

Q: Why did the mullah trade in his wife for an outhouse?

A: Because the hole was smaller and smelled better.


BTW: No, I don't hate women--as long as they're real women :p

Men are like.....Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small or handicapped.

Insulting men and the handicapped in one line...nice.

Why is a racist like a drunk? Because everything he says ends in a slur.

Why didn't the racist cross the road? Because she was afraid of seeing the other side.

Why couldn't the racist get work as a doctor? Because every time he felt bad about himself, he'd try to put someone down.

Have you heard about the racist who choked on his yoghurt? Someone told him that it grew out of a foreign culture.

Have you heard about the racist who was terrified of getting culture shock? That's why she only attacked people without power.

Why is a racist like a drug runner? Because they are both terrified of foreign customs.

Did you hear about the racist who was invited to address the recycling conference? He had a lot of experience in talking rubbish.

Ooops, you were looking for jokes that are racist, not jokes ABOUT the racist. My bad.

round of applause, those are great :) :fluffle:

Insulting men and the handicapped in one line...nice.
Hey, I didn't say they were GOOD jokes, just that I know them. :P

I think this one is cute:

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."
She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go to the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination', I'll give you a cookie."

*loves it*

Hey, I didn't say they were GOOD jokes, just that I know them. :P

Oh I didn't mean it like that, I love offensive jokes. That moment just after you tell a really good one and the uncomfortable laughter ripples around the room as people shuffle slightly further away from you is priceless. It make you feels that your work there is done and you can move on.

My favourite dead baby joke:

Why do you always put a baby into a blender feet first?

So yo can look into its' eyes while you masturbate.

Oh brother, the Keyboard Anti-Racist Agitators and Polemicists (i.e., KA-RAPs) will be out in force for this one.

Not really. See, we (since it's clear you mean anyone who doesn't hate Muslims as much as you) understand the difference between making a joke for the sake of humor, and making it in order to pass off extreme bigotry as something less radical and dangerous.


BTW: No, I don't hate women--as long as they're real women :p

I'm pretty sure no one here gives a crap about your sexual preferences. Though it's interesting you're soooo defensive about your supposed sexuality, Nancy. ;)

Oh I didn't mean it like that, I love offensive jokes. That moment just after you tell a really good one and the uncomfortable laughter ripples around the room as people shuffle slightly further away from you is priceless. It make you feels that your work there is done and you can move on.

My favourite dead baby joke:

Why do you always put a baby into a blender feet first?

So yo can look into its' eyes while you masturbate.

:eek: Thats the worst one I've heard yet. Genius!

:eek: Thats the worst one I've heard yet. Genius!

*bows*

My work here is done.

*vanishes in a swirl of cape*

Hear about the new Jewish sports car? Stops on a dime and picks it up.

What's black and blue and red and yellow and hangs on my front porch? It's my slave I'll paint him any color I want.

What's great about sex with a pregnant chick? When the fetus gives you head.

People who take offense to racist jokes on a computer screen have small e-peens and obviously must find some truth (people wouldn't get offended by a lie)

I'm polish! I wanna hear a good joke!

My favourite dead baby joke:

Why do you always put a baby into a blender feet first?

So yo can look into its' eyes while you masturbate.
What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

I'm polish! I wanna hear a good joke!

How's this:


Polish lad married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: An acre and half.
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: No, I'm always up before her.
LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: No, she white.
LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I got proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She bought a bottle at the drug store and put on a shelf in the bathroom. I read it - it says "Polish Remover."

OMGZORZ!!! yer all horbl!!!!11 nobdy shood ever mke rASISTS yoks!!! we shood all embrac wonuhnuther and luv nd b hapy an werry aboot selfesteam nd thos sifty ide mslemz an vote dem or gren!!!!111

personally, I like blonde jokes. anyone got some good ones?

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What's red and creeps up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

personally, I like blonde jokes. anyone got some good ones?

Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've ducked.

You hear about the Jew with the erection who walked into a wall?

He broke his nose.



What's the best way to get 1000 dead babies into a phone booth?

Blender.

How do you get them out?

Straw (or tortilla chips, it's all a matter of style)

What's funnyer then a pile of dead babies?

The one live one at the bottum trying to eat his way out.

What's funnyer then that?

When he goes back for seconds.

Why do shower heads have 11 holes?

Because Jews only have 10 fingers.

racist jokes *and* dead baby jokes aren't even funny. they're stupid attempts to prove machismo. I posit that there is an inverse relationship between penis size and number of such jokes told.

I find racist and dead baby jokes funny. I may not be well hung but I have a sense of humor. Also, what is the realtionship between finding certain jokes funny and the size of the shmeckel? I just do not get it. Also, I have always thought that I am a macho man but among things I consider macho I do not list my love for the racist and dead baby joke. I especially love dead baby jokes mmmm mmmm mmmm. The baby joke is the pinnacle of man's achievements in the field of humor/comedy.

why don't women wear watched?

There's a clock on the stove!


What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.


:p

A Chinese man walk into a bar and says to the black bartender, "I'll have a jigger, ******."

The bartender is not too impressed but he figures that the guy will have like one drink and be onhis way so it's nothing to get excited about.

The Chinese man finishes his drink. Slams the empty glass on the bar and says, "I'll have a jigger, ******."

The bartender is starting to get a little upset but still figures that it's easier to just serve the guy and then he'll be on his way. Not worth making a fuss about.

The Chinese man finishes his drink, slams the empty glass on the bar and says, "I'll have a jigger, ******."

The bartender has had enough and he says to his customer, "Look, maybe you don't know but what you are doing is very very rude and disrespectful."

The Chinese fellow appears not to understand and so the bartender continues, "Tell you what, we can switch places and then maybe you'll understand."

The two men switch places. The bartender exits the bar only to reenter and says, "I'll have a drink, chink."

The Chinese fellow replies, "Sorry, we don't serve niggers here."

What is long black and stinky?

The unemployment line.

What is black, bubbly, and taps on glass?

A baby in a microwave.

what's red and silver and crawls into walls?

A baby with forks in it's eyes

what is red and white and screams?

A flayed baby in a pile of salt.

I think I take back something I said earlier about there not being a relationship between machoismo and dead baby jokes. Dead baby jokes are so gross that you have to be pretty tough to take 'em.

Making racist jokes is not at all funny, my grandfather died during the holocaust at auchwitz................he fell out of a guard tower




(one of my friends got suspended for that one)

I'm not sure if anyone has posted this one, but here goes. :

A Canadian, an American and a Mexican are standing on a bridge. The Canadian is holding some syrup, the American is holding a can of beer and the Mexican is holding a burrito. The Mexican says, "We have to many of these in our country." and throws the burrito off the bridge.
The Canadian says, "We have to much of this in our country." and throws the syrup off the bridge.
The American says, "We have to many of these in our country." and pushes the Mexican off the bridge...... :D It was funny the first time I heard it.

what's red, white and sitting in the corner.... baby chewing on a razor blade

whats red white and sitting on every corner...baby chewing on a chain saw

what red white green and sitting in the corner...same baby...6 weeks later

whats wrong with 5 black guys going over a bridge in a mini-van?

a mini-van holds 7


how many jews can you stick in a VW beetle?

54. 2 in front 2 in back and 50 in the ash tray.



i really feel like an ass.

personally, I like blonde jokes. anyone got some good ones?

Once upon a time, there were three blondes stuck upon an island.
Then they found an empty bottle (of course) .

They polished it a bit to read the text written on it, and poof, a genie came out. The genie said: "Since you saved me from my prison, I will grant each of you one wish."

The first blonde said: "I want to become smart, so that I can figure out how to get off this Island". The genie made the blonde into a brunette, and she figured out she could swim back to the mainland.

The next blonde said: "I want to become smart, so that I can figure out how to get off this Island... But swimming is a bit too wet and cold for me." The genie thought about it a bit, and then he made her into a redhead, and she figured out how to use the boat that were lying on the shores of the island.

The last blonde said: "I want to become smart, so that I can figure out how to get off this Island... But swimming is wet and cold, and the boat has already left." The genie thought about this for a loooong time... Then he made her into a man, and she used the bridge.

Why can't Stevie Wonder read or write?





Because he's black.

So I'm in line behind a Latino woman buying lottery tickets. I wouldn't mind but she's playing her kid's birthdays so it took three hours.

so theres a little boy and a little girl sitting in a sand box...and of course...they're naked. the little boy looks down at the little girl and says, "hey, whats that extra hole for?" The girl says, i dont know i'll ask my mom. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Hey, whats that thing?" He responds, i dont know, i'll ask my dad.

They go home and the little girl says. "Mom, whats this extra hole for," The mom replies, thats your garage, your supposed to protect that form little boy's tricycles." the little girls says ok and goes on her merry way.

The little boy gets home and ask his dad, "Dad, whats this thing?" The dad responds, son thats your tricycle your supposed to park that in as many girls garages as possible." He says Oh, well ok.

A few days later the little girl comes home from the park and her hands are all bloody, and her mom screams "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?" The little girl says, its OK mom, some little boy tried to park his tricycle in my garage, so i pull his back wheels off!

Not only is this my favorite rascist joke. It is also the only joke that I am ever able to remember for some reason. Feel free to insert the race of your choice into the "Polish"

How do you get a "Polish" girl pregnant?

Cum on her shoe and let the flies do the rest.

*bows*

Make like a queer and pack your shit, then make like an abortion and head out.

What's a Jewish dilemma?

Free pork.

Why do Jews have big noses?

Because air's free.

What does a white woman and a tampon have in common?

They're both stuck up c*nts.

Why are black people getting stronger?

TVs are getting heavier.

Q: Why did God give women foreheads?

A: To give us a place to kiss them after coming in their mouth.


now a really bad one..

Q: What do you throw a drowning ******?

A: His wife and kids.


how about a lesbian joke? lol

Q: Why can't a lesbian lose weight?

A: She can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?

You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Why do black people have nightmares?

The last one to have a dream was shot.

bill klinton

first black president

What's the difference between a ****** and a bucket of KFC?

The bucket of KFC can feed a family.

What's white and red and floats in the Irish Sea?

The next Brit who tells an Irish joke

Why is a racist like a drunk? Because everything he says ends in a slur.

Why didn't the racist cross the road? Because she was afraid of seeing the other side.

Why couldn't the racist get work as a doctor? Because every time he felt bad about himself, he'd try to put someone down.

Have you heard about the racist who choked on his yoghurt? Someone told him that it grew out of a foreign culture.

Have you heard about the racist who was terrified of getting culture shock? That's why she only attacked people without power.

Why is a racist like a drug runner? Because they are both terrified of foreign customs.

Did you hear about the racist who was invited to address the recycling conference? He had a lot of experience in talking rubbish.

Ooops, you were looking for jokes that are racist, not jokes ABOUT the racist. My bad.

Oh lighten up. Pull the stick out of you know where

Oh lighten up. Pull the stick out of you know where

I don't think they were said in opposition to the thread itself, as telling a racist joke doesn't make you a racist. Believing them to be entirely true does.

Whats the difference between babies and watermelons?





I don't drop watermelons off 10 story buildings for fun:)

I don't think they were said in opposition to the thread itself, as telling a racist joke doesn't make you a racist. Believing them to be entirely true does.

the last line of her post would lead me to think she doesnt like this thread as a whole.

How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?

Nail the other hand down as well.

dead baby jokes are infinitely superior.

But only in a disgusting sort of way.

How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
Stick them with a pitchfork.

Q: How do you keep a polish man from drinking?
A: Put down the lid.

But only in a disgusting sort of way.

How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
Stick them with a pitchfork.

Howd'you get a dead baby out of a blender?

With a ladle!

Howd'you get a dead baby out of a blender?

With a ladle!

How do you save a drowning baby?
Harpoon it.


Okay that wasn't a real "dead baby" joke.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off its head.

i have a few but i have one particular favourite.
i know alot of people probbaly will not like this thread, but most of us live in countries were we are allowed say what we like not matter how stupid. so honour on ridding us of racism, i propose we make as many racist jokes as posible in order that when racists speak, we can only laugh at them.
this will probably to alot of black, jew and irish jokes.

my fav:
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?


pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.



p.s. i'm not a racist.


I know one involving blacks and monkeys but it's kinda cliché.

How do you save a drowning baby?
Harpoon it.

Whats the difference between a lawnmower and a dead baby?

My lawnmower's not in the garage!

FAA PROFILING:

FEDERAL AVIATION ADMINISTRATION TRANSPORTATION SECURITY SCREENER ATTITUDE ASSESSMENT …
To insure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning former state Governors.
In accordance with this policy, Transportation Security Screener applicants are being asked to take the following test, which will ensure that employees do not harbor hidden biases that could lead to unfortunate assumptions:

--- In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, Israeli athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:
a. Olga Corbutt
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwartzeneger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

--- In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered in his wheelchair and thrown overboard by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

--- In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by:
a. Captain Kid
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- On 9/11/2001, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed and thousands of people were murdered by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wile E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd
b. Florida's Governor Jeb Bush
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 2002 four French journalists, including one woman, were dragged from their cars near the Pakistan border with Afghanistan, taken behind some rocks, and shot to death by:
a. Gang Green's front four
b. Barney
c. The Smashing Pumpkins
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonny and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- American Airlines Flight 63 from Paris to Miami on December 22, 2001 had a passenger with a ‘Shoe Bomb’ who tried to blow up the plane but was over powered and captured by passengers was:
a. A distraught Al Gore gone radical 1960’s hippie mental
b. Monica Lewinsky who said she was tired of hearing Bill play the Saxophone
c. Donald Rumsfeld
d. Richard Colvan Reid a.k.a. Tariq Rajah a.k.a. Abdel Rahim, a typical useless low life cowardly radical Muslim asshole caught and convicted of this crime

--- In May 2004 American Businessman Nicholas Evan Berg was captured in Iraq and beheaded by:
a. The French Foreign Legion using a guillotine under direct orders from President Jacques Chirac
b. A wild band of crazy Japanese Samurai Warriors
c. A Philippine Truck Driver who rig ran out of control
d. Committed by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the leader of an Islamist (Muslim) terrorist group which is part of al-Qaida operating inside Iraq

Now, please review your answers according to the following key:
‘D’ – as in all answers are ‘D’

If you answered any of the questions incorrectly, please go to the following link and immediately apply for an airport screening position ... http://www.tsa.dot.gov/

As added to and Adjusted By: JACK

Well it seems most of mine have been taken already... but

What do you call a group of white guys running over a hill? A Marathon

What do you call a group of black guys running over a hill? Jailbreak

Somebody wanted a few blonde jokes.. This my favourite..

Two blondes are standing next to an expensive sports car trying to get it open with a coathanger. The keys are dangling from the ignition. Says the one... "Quick, hurry up! The roof is down and it's starting to rain!"

*bows*

Some of the baby jokes were genius. And some of the colourful ones bright and beautiful

And since I can't find my favourite racist joke, this one will have to do..


Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I amy ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne! We've modified Harrigan's micro-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners."


God Bless the Irish

ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

ROFLMAO...

Here's a politically correct joke:

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving?






The African-American gentleman.

These jokes (excepting a few, like Pax Dei's lighthouse joke and Bottle's anti-racist jokes) are appalling. I am embarrassed. The oh so intelligent masses of NSG who call for tolerance, understanding, and those other wonderful things are the same people who are promoting making light of racism, infanticide, abortion, genocide, and other intolerable sins. I am disgusted.

These jokes (excepting a few, like Pax Dei's lighthouse joke and Bottle's anti-racist jokes) are appalling. I am embarrassed. The oh so intelligent masses of NSG who call for tolerance, understanding, and those other wonderful things are the same people who are promoting making light of racism, infanticide, abortion, genocide, and other intolerable sins. I am disgusted.

I stopped reading when you called it a sin. Leave the thread if you don't like what you see. :)

These jokes (excepting a few, like Pax Dei's lighthouse joke and Bottle's anti-racist jokes) are appalling. I am embarrassed. The oh so intelligent masses of NSG who call for tolerance, understanding, and those other wonderful things are the same people who are promoting making light of racism, infanticide, abortion, genocide, and other intolerable sins. I am disgusted.

I guess my joke is still too offensive... :D

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Coke in the sinuses hurts. I blame you and this joke, Bottle:p

hmm...don't have tons of racist jokes...but I have some good dead baby ones.

What's the difference between a pile of bowling balls and a pile of dead babies?
You can't move the pile of bowling balls with a pitchfork

What's the best part of having sex with a 1 year old?
hearing the pelvis crack
What's the worst part?
getting the blood off my clown suit.

What's the best part of having sex with an 11 year old girl in the shower?
you can pull her hair back and make her look like a 10 year old boy.

what goes plop plop fizz fizz?
twins in an acid bath

What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
Well, if you're anything like me, an erection.


I'm a bad person.:(

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two answers

1) Lift your foot off of it and it slowly rises.
or
2) A pint of root beer and two scoops of dead baby.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on vacation together. Who arrives at the destination first?

The lesbians. The gay guys were too busy packing their shit.



I like my women like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on vacation together. Who arrives at the destination first?

The lesbians. The gay guys were too busy packing their shit.



I like my women like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

Similarly: I like my women like I like my coffee--hot, black, and nasty.

These jokes (excepting a few, like Pax Dei's lighthouse joke and Bottle's anti-racist jokes) are appalling. I am embarrassed. The oh so intelligent masses of NSG who call for tolerance, understanding, and those other wonderful things are the same people who are promoting making light of racism, infanticide, abortion, genocide, and other intolerable sins. I am disgusted.Do you realize that you also fall into the "joke" category?
.

I can't believe this has not been locked.

I'm not down with the racist jokes scene, but I'm sure I can think of some jokes about Brits or Spanish.

*thinks*

A family walks into a talent agency. /...snip.../
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

and i just lost all faith in humanity. what was that?

"The Aristocrats!"
Sorry it's not racist, but it had to be posted.
Actually, no it didn't.

Let's knock off the dead baby and lighthouse and other irrelevant jokes, and stick to reasonably polite racist jokes. You can be offensive without offending, you know.

For instance:
Two Pakistanis boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an Indian Sardarji got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Pakistanis.

The Sardarji kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Pakistani in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the Sardarji, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the Pakistanis picked up the Sardarji's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other Pakistani said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Sardarji obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other Pakistani picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The Sardarji returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Sardarji slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our countries? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
Q:A white man dies, goes to heaven, and gets his wings, what do you call him?
A:An angel.

Q:A black man dies, goes to heaven, and gets his wings, what do you call him?
A:A bat. Q: What did Christ say to the Mexicans before he left?

A: "Don't do anything until I get back."An American diplomat is visiting an African nation that has recently dumped Communism in favor of democracy and free enterprise.

His host is explaining about the benefits of his country's former relationship with Russia: "They have built power plants, have taught us art, how to drink vodka, and how to play Russian Roulette."

The diplomat replies: "Isn't Russian Roulette dangerous?" The African proudly responds: "Ah yes, but we have improved it. We have introduced African Roulette." He claps his hands and out come six beautiful women, totally nude.

"My friend," says the African, "You may select any one of these women to perform oral sex on you." "What's so dangerous about that?" says the diplomat.

The African replies, smiling: "One is a cannibal."Two terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. "Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too." ...There's a pause... The second terrorist says, wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"Q. What do you call a Paki with ham on his head?
A. Hammed.

Q. What do you call a Paki with more ham on his head?
A. Mohammed.

Q: What was the name of the first Paki that arrived in the US?
A: AmirA Frenchman was brought into court and told he was being charged with necrophilia.

The Frenchman said, "Sacre'bleu...thees cannot be!"

"Sir," continued the judge, "the woman you slept with last night was DEAD!!"

The Frenchman replied, "DEAD!! I jeez zought she was ENGLISH!"That's enough of a lesson for now.

Actually, no it didn't.

Let's knock off the dead baby and lighthouse and other irrelevant jokes, and [b[ stick to reasonably polite racist jokes. [/b] You can be offensive without offending, you know.

Oh :( And I just remembered some absolutely classic rape jokes too. Pwetty Pwease? *Puppy dog eyes*

I'm sure its been done before but my favorite is:

A black man and a Hispanic man are in a car. Who is driving?


A cop.

Let's see here...

What do you say to a black man in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."

Why do they have all those palm trees in South Central?
Transportation.

How many 9-year-olds can you beat up?
I don't see how you could beat up any, considering the massive erection you'd have...

Why are there no Aboriginals in startrek?
Because they’re not going to work in the future either.

Disclaimer: i am prejudice against all races including my own.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who sa talkin' about a sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'.
At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their flight start conversing about the recent worldly events...

The strangers were of varying cultures. One was an American Indian. Another was a cowboy from West Texas. The other person was a devout Arab Muslim. During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history.

The American Indian stated, "Once my people were many, now we are few."

The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "Once my people were few and now we are many!"

The cowboy looked at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said with a sly grin, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet...."
There's a new lottery game in India. If your scratch off has the same color dot as the one on your forehead then you win a convenience store in the U.S.
An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar.
They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a nice place.
Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink."
Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place, Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" said the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"
"No," replied the Polack, "but it happened to my sister!"
The lesson continues ...

and i just lost all faith in humanity. what was that?

The aristocrats is a joke comedians tell each other, the basic points of the joke (set up, punchline) being pre-established, with the middle part (the description of the familys act) often being improvised. The aim of comedians is to make their telling as disgusting, sexual and vile as possible. Its all rather amusing. Theres a good one on youtube done by the kids off southpark.

A U. S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter, Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dancing with lovely young ladies. One last point: No Mexican's - We don't like Mexican's."

Sure enough, at 8:00 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door which she opened to find, in impeccable dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling BLACK officers. Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered," There must be some mistake!"

"No Ma'am," insisted the first officer. "Captain Martinez doesn't make mistakes!"

A bloke on his way home from work comes to a dead halt in the traffic and thinks to himself the traffic seems worse than usual. He notices a police officer walking along the path so he rolls down his window.

"Officer what's the hold up?"

The officer replies: "It's a French fan, he's just so depressed about losing to the Danish, being knocked out of the world cup, finishing behind England, and winning fuck all after gobbing off to everyone all year, he's threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him, his mates are all laughing at him and he has never had a bath, so I'm walking around taking a collection for him."

"Really?" says the man "How much have you collected?"

"So far?" replies the policeman, "only half a gallon, but to be fair, a lot of people are still siphoning."
That's enough for now.

I'm polish! I wanna hear a good joke!

There's a Polish family sitting around eating dinner. The husband turns to the wife and says, "Honey, why don't we let the kids out to p-l-a-y, so we can fuck?"

The aristocrats is a joke comedians tell each other, the basic points of the joke (set up, punchline) being pre-established, with the middle part (the description of the familys act) often being improvised. The aim of comedians is to make their telling as disgusting, sexual and vile as possible. Its all rather amusing. Theres a good one on youtube done by the kids off southpark.

well that one just made me feel ill. but then i don't think comediens have a great sense of humour really. i went to a stand-up show a while a go that had a compere who was about the least funny guy to ever go on stage, not cuz he was offensive, he was just so bland and his jokes had no element of comedy in them whatsoever, absolutely no-one laughed. but apparently all the local comedians love him and he's got compere gigs all over the place. i think maybe they just like him cuz they make anyone that comes after him seem absolutely hilarious. meh, whatever. that one wasn't funny, even now i know the set up, cuz by the time i finished reading the body of the text i felt like i was going to hurl.

"Next week we will investigate why Jews' noses are so big; is it because air is free?" - Drawn Together.

I know that's an old one, but DT is where I heard it first.

i have a few but i have one particular favourite.
i know alot of people probbaly will not like this thread, but most of us live in countries were we are allowed say what we like not matter how stupid. so honour on ridding us of racism, i propose we make as many racist jokes as posible in order that when racists speak, we can only laugh at them.
this will probably to alot of black, jew and irish jokes.

my fav:
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?


pizzas dont scream when you put them in an oven.

p.s. i'm not a racist.



Nope, but you are a troll. Warned.