NationStates Jolt Archive

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

As in you aren't attracted to anyone, or have never been attracted to anyone, in any way?

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

I said it before, I'll say it again : It's nothing that can be rationally understood. It doesn't work that way.

Nookie.

As in you aren't attracted to anyone, or have never been attracted to anyone, in any way?

As far as I can remember, never, really. If I did, it wasn't the same type of non-platonic attraction that other people seem to feel and that I don't understand.

I said it before, I'll say it again : It's nothing that can be rationally understood. It doesn't work that way.

I can't stand it when things don't make sense. Is there anyway to define it, though?

As far as I can remember, never, really. If I did, it wasn't the same type of non-platonic attraction that other people seem to feel and that I don't understand.


How do you know?

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

Well, if you're a man there is a simple way of telling, and that is by seeing your penis get erect.

Another, more cerebral way of knowing is that you want to have sex with the person. For me, that can be revealed to my conscious mind as noticing a man's bum, or his pecs, or the way his jaw is shaped, or by seeing how he comports himself and that elicits in me a feeling of attraction. That attraction can evolve into a feeling of incompleteness when I'm not around that person, or a feeling of nervousness and a wish to be pleasing to the other person when I am with them, which is the way I tend to recognise infatuation, or love, if the feelings reach that type of intensity.

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

There is no way of understanding unless you've experienced it. I, for instance, cannot understand why any man would find a woman attractive and want to have sex with her, but I accept that they do. Just like I can't understand how it is not to be attracted to anyone at all, ever. So, meh.

Welcome to the wonderful world of asexuality.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/asexuality

Read up. It seems that you are most certainly asexual.

If you agree you are, I gladly welcome you.

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

There are those that have very very low, if not non-exisent sex drive. You may well be one of those, particularily if you're past puberty. Trying to explain this to you, therefore, is well nigh impossible.

Depends on your age, and on hormone levels as well.

Because we just arrrrgh.

Depends on your age, and on hormone levels as well.

Exactly. Knowing your age may help a bit, as if you are in the 12-15 range, perhaps your hormones haven't kicked in yet. If you are older, it is possible you have low hormone levels, thus leading to an almost non-existant sex drive.

So, knowing how old you are could explain it a bit better.

Well, if you're a man there is a simple way of telling, and that is by seeing your penis get erect.

Another, more cerebral way of knowing is that you want to have sex with the person. For me, that can be revealed to my conscious mind as noticing a man's bum, or his pecs, or the way his jaw is shaped, or by seeing how he comports himself and that elicits in me a feeling of attraction. That attraction can evolve into a feeling of incompleteness when I'm not around that person, or a feeling of nervousness and a wish to be pleasing to the other person when I am with them, which is the way I tend to recognise infatuation, or love, if the feelings reach that type of intensity.



There is no way of understanding unless you've experienced it. I, for instance, cannot understand why any man would find a woman attractive and want to have sex with her, but I accept that they do. Just like I can't understand how it is not to be attracted to anyone at all, ever. So, meh.

I'm a girl.

I don't think I've felt anything like that before. That was helpful; thank you.

How do you know?

I can't for sure. That's one reason that I'm asking.

There are those that have very very low, if not non-exisent sex drive. You may well be one of those, particularily if you're past puberty. Trying to explain this to you, therefore, is well nigh impossible.

Maybe.

Depends on your age, and on hormone levels as well.

I'm 16. I don't know about my hormone levels. Are hormones what make people attracted to other people?

Welcome to the wonderful world of asexuality.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/asexuality

Read up. It seems that you are most certainly asexual.

If you agree you are, I gladly welcome you.

I believe that I am asexual.

-snip-
True. It's sorta comparable to that attraction of some websites you either miss so much you can't stay away for long even though you try, or strive for your maybe even pedantically scrupulous best when on there, huh?


Why are many people attracted to people?

I seem to recall that this facilitates procreation muchly, therefore being rather indispensable to humanity as a whole.

And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I tend to blush, fidget and talk lots of incoherent gibberish when around the person I'm attracted to.. leading many people to think that I'm attracted to half the world, seeing how I tend to do most of the above quite a lot. Umm. Displaying certain stupid facial expressions, especially diffferent variations of the dreamy grim, without conscious control is rather popular, too, afaik. I've sometimes exhibited the strong desire to shrink the objects of my attraction to squirrel size and keep them in a terrarium in my room, but I think that's less common.

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

It seems very much like being hungry. It is undeniable but also fairly indescribable. How would you describe the feeling of hunger to someone who did not feel hunger but instead ate on schedule to fuel themselves rather than risk malnutrition?

True. It's sorta comparable to that attraction of some websites you either miss so much you can't stay away for long even though you try, or strive for your maybe even pedantically scrupulous best when on there, huh?




I seem to recall that this facilitates procreation muchly, therefore being rather indispensable to humanity as a whole.



I tend to blush, fidget and talk lots of incoherent gibberish when around the person I'm attracted to.. leading many people to think that I'm attracted to half the world, seeing how I tend to do most of the above quite a lot. Umm. Displaying certain stupid facial expressions, especially diffferent variations of the dreamy grim, without conscious control is rather popular, too, afaik. I've sometimes exhibited the strong desire to shrink the objects of my attraction to squirrel size and keep them in a terrarium in my room, but I think that's less common.

So is it for procreation instincts that some people are attracted?

Okay, I don't think I've felt that, then.

But that reminds me of that guy who told me that he wanted to put me in a box so that I wouldn't get hurt.:eek: That scared me.

It seems very much like being hungry. It is undeniable but also fairly indescribable. How would you describe the feeling of hunger to someone who did not feel hunger but instead ate on schedule to fuel themselves rather than risk malnutrition?

That sort of makes sense. So, it's like being hungry, then, but different?

True. It's sorta comparable to that attraction of some websites you either miss so much you can't stay away for long even though you try, or strive for your maybe even pedantically scrupulous best when on there, huh?

Ouch. But, then again, look who's talking, miss "I left, too?"

I've sometimes exhibited the strong desire to shrink the objects of my attraction to squirrel size and keep them in a terrarium in my room, but I think that's less common.

That is so tribadian.

I'm a girl

Hmm... I'm no expert, but you may have low hormone levels, which in turn may reduce your sex drive. Of course, being male, I have no idea how females view attraction, it is fairly easy to tell for males for physical attraction, as there is a physical feature for that. However, as far as emotional attractions go, I would assume it would be quite similar. A drive to be near a certain person, and wanting to be with that person as much as possible(Very simple explanation).


I'm 16. I don't know about my hormone levels. Are hormones what make people attracted to other people?

Physically attraction, pretty much. Perhaps you have lower than normal hormone levels than others of your age group, or perhaps you have a different view on what you would find physically attractive than others. Perhaps, if talking of either physical or emotional attraction, you just havn't found someone whom you are attracted to.


I believe that I am asexual.

It's quite possible. It's a difficult subject to explain fully to begin with, and is very difficult to explain to those whom have yet or have never felt a strong attraction one way or another. But, perhaps, as stated before, you haven't found someone whom has drawn a strong attraction from you yet. A possible explanation for such is perhaps you have lower than "normal"(normal meaning average, not in the traditional sense of what is normal) hormone levels, thus reducing your sex-drive, which in turn would mean you may not have a natural ability to become attracted to a person.

Of course, this is all speculative, and there are likely many factors which play into this, and without knowing more it is impossible for one to accurately guage what your "problem"(not that it's a bad thing, referring as to why you may have a lower sex drive than most) may be.

So is it for procreation instincts that some people are attracted?

Okay, I don't think I've felt that, then.



More or less that is what attraction is for, naturalistically speaking. However, there are other types of attraction which can be philosophical, in a matter of speaking. Humans are social animals, and a strong emotional bond is often needed. This would be what many may consider "love", a purely abstract term more or less.


But that reminds me of that guy who told me that he wanted to put me in a box so that I wouldn't get hurt.:eek: That scared me.


That is called obsession, when one's attraction is so great as to overcome rationality. Worst case scenario: Stalking, killing someone so that no one else can have them, etc.


That sort of makes sense. So, it's like being hungry, then, but different?

More or less, that is kind of what it's like. It's a drive which you try to fulfill, pretty much.

So is it for procreation instincts that some people are attracted?

Okay, I don't think I've felt that, then.
Actually, I was more waiting to get called on that by someone.

No, it's probably not all that easy. Surely sexual attraction is primarily a 'system' built into human nature to ensure procreation, but 'attraction' gos far beyond that. I can be 'atrracted' to a woman, even go as far as say I love her, when at the same time I, for some reason or the other, (have to) accept that I will not be able/allowed to have sex with her, and that's okay.

But that reminds me of that guy who told me that he wanted to put me in a box so that I wouldn't get hurt.:eek: That scared me.


You know what, that's an incredibly sweet thing to have said. Slightly crazy, but rather intense.


Ouch. But, then again, look who's talking, miss "I left, too?"
First of all, that's 'Miss', or, preferably, Ms.

Secondly, for me, we're less talking the attraction/pull of websites than the one of certain people (deservingly or not), and although I warned them that my fate is in their hands, they chose to act irresponsibly and drag me down with them.

That is so tribadian.

You teach me words I've not known before on a postly basis; all is well again. Now, I couldn't find it, what's tribadian?

Hmm... I'm no expert, but you may have low hormone levels, which in turn may reduce your sex drive. Of course, being male, I have no idea how females view attraction, it is fairly easy to tell for males for physical attraction, as there is a physical feature for that. However, as far as emotional attractions go, I would assume it would be quite similar. A drive to be near a certain person, and wanting to be with that person as much as possible(Very simple explanation).


Physically attraction, pretty much. Perhaps you have lower than normal hormone levels than others of your age group, or perhaps you have a different view on what you would find physically attractive than others. Perhaps, if talking of either physical or emotional attraction, you just havn't found someone whom you are attracted to.



It's quite possible. It's a difficult subject to explain fully to begin with, and is very difficult to explain to those whom have yet or have never felt a strong attraction one way or another. But, perhaps, as stated before, you haven't found someone whom has drawn a strong attraction from you yet. A possible explanation for such is perhaps you have lower than "normal"(normal meaning average, not in the traditional sense of what is normal) hormone levels, thus reducing your sex-drive, which in turn would mean you may not have a natural ability to become attracted to a person.

Of course, this is all speculative, and there are likely many factors which play into this, and without knowing more it is impossible for one to accurately guage what your "problem"(not that it's a bad thing, referring as to why you may have a lower sex drive than most) may be.

I'm pretty sure I've never been physically attracted to anyone, but it's the emotional attraction I'm unsure of. I don't consider it a "problem"; I don't want to change and be attracted to people. I just want to understand why people are.

More or less that is what attraction is for, naturalistically speaking. However, there are other types of attraction which can be philosophical, in a matter of speaking. Humans are social animals, and a strong emotional bond is often needed. This would be what many may consider "love", a purely abstract term more or less.

That is called obsession, when one's attraction is so great as to overcome rationality. Worst case scenario: Stalking, killing someone so that no one else can have them, etc.

I understand emotional bonds with friends or family members, but aren't emotional bonds between people who are attracted to each other different than those?

It was a pretty random statement, and pretty much every time I see him he asks me where I want to go to college.

More or less, that is kind of what it's like. It's a drive which you try to fulfill, pretty much.

I guess I just don't have it, then.

Actually, I was more waiting to get called on that by someone.

No, it's probably not all that easy. Surely sexual attraction is primarily a 'system' built into human nature to ensure procreation, but 'attraction' gos far beyond that. I can be 'atrracted' to a woman, even go as far as say I love her, when at the same time I, for some reason or the other, (have to) accept that I will not be able/allowed to have sex with her, and that's okay.

Not to stray to far off topic, but an attraction, even to a woman whom you may never have sex with, could be a procreative instinct. Human rationality and logic often can override this instinct, but it may still be a remnant when instincts played a much a larger part of our lives(although instinct still does).

That is called obsession, when one's attraction is so great as to overcome rationality. Worst case scenario: Stalking, killing someone so that no one else can have them, etc.

I must admit that I find the prospect of a love/serious attraction that does not overcome rationality rather depressing. That, and there's a difference between "I want to put you in a box so that you're isolated from the world and for me only" and "I want to put you in a box as in I want to protect you from any harm as much as I possibly can". The way she said it / I read it it reminded me more of that "Der, der mich liebt hat mir gesagt das er mich braucht, also passe ich auf jeden Regentropfen auf, dass dieser mich nicht erschlägt!"* (Bertold Brecht) and the irrational feeling of wanting/needing to protect the one one loves expressed there. But I cn see where you're oming from.

*The one who loved me told me that he needed me, so I watch out for every raindrop so that it won't kill me"

I understand emotional bonds with friends or family members, but aren't emotional bonds between people who are attracted to each other different than those?


Not to terribly different, really. The only real difference is that to one group you have a physical attraction to. The bond for those you are physically attracted to, in regards to emotions, may infact be weaker than the emotional bonds you feel towards those whom you are not physically attracted to. In terms of "being in love" with someone is a form of emotional attraction, although it may be strong, it may not be a permanent emotional bond, and often is connected to a strong physical attraction.

And everyone feels attractions differently, as well. Take me, for instance. I have strong physical and emotional attraction to many people, however, for various personal reasons, I prefer to remove myself as greatly as possible from involving myself further in regards to these attractions. Others find it necessary to involve themselves greatly in physical attractions, and care little for emotional attractions. Other, emotional attractions are far greater than physical attractions.

Perhaps you prefer to have strong emotional attractions to those(Excluding the term "love" when referrring to those whom you wish to be involved with, as this is usually strongly associated with physical attraction), and work in a different manner than most.


It was a pretty random statement, and pretty much every time I see him he asks me where I want to go to college.

Ah, well perhaps he just has a strong attraction to you, and was just joking(albiet in a strange way) with you.



I guess I just don't have it, then.

Another possibility is that you have a picky "appetite", so to speak. Of course, you may not have it at all. There are many possibilities, really, as to why you have yet to have attraction.

Actually, I was more waiting to get called on that by someone.

No, it's probably not all that easy. Surely sexual attraction is primarily a 'system' built into human nature to ensure procreation, but 'attraction' gos far beyond that. I can be 'atrracted' to a woman, even go as far as say I love her, when at the same time I, for some reason or the other, (have to) accept that I will not be able/allowed to have sex with her, and that's okay.



You know what, that's an incredibly sweet thing to have said. Slightly crazy, but rather intense.


So it's based in instinct, but different?

It was kind of creepy the way he said it, though, even not counting the fact that I hardly know him.

Not to stray to far off topic, but an attraction, even to a woman whom you may never have sex with, could be a procreative instinct. Human rationality and logic often can override this instinct, but it may still be a remnant when instincts played a much a larger part of our lives(although instinct still does).

Why, yes. I readily contend that most 'romamntic' attraction has its root in sexual attraction, consciously or not, and that the latter is built into (most) humans through nature's need to have us procreate, so to speak (that being independent of the individual's, and their partner's, ability to procreate / procreate with each other; the origin of this instinct being spoked of as the one developed for the human kind as a whole).

What I tried to say was that 'attraction' doesn't only (have to) consist of the sexual aspect, and that it is well possible to 'practise' the non-sexual aspect without the sexual one.

You just know it.

Why, yes. I readily contend that most 'romamntic' attraction has its root in sexual attraction, consciously or not, and that the latter is built into (most) humans through nature's need to have us procreate, so to speak (that being independent of the individual's, and their partner's, ability to procreate / procreate with each other; the origin of this instinct being spoked of as the one developed for the human kind as a whole).

What I tried to say was that 'attraction' doesn't only (have to) consist of the sexual aspect, and that it is well possible to 'practise' the non-sexual aspect without the sexual one.

Ah, I misinterpreted your statement. Basically I said the same thing, without knowing it.

That sort of makes sense. So, it's like being hungry, then, but different?

To be honest, the feeling of wanting is hardly any different from hunger at all. It's a feeling of being empty... only without your tummy grumbling.

So it's based in instinct, but different?

I'd rather say 'it' or rather 'part of it' is based on instinct, but can and usually will go (much) further beyond that. One's sexual attractions are probably based on instinct (alone), but one's, uh, romantic or, you know, 'love' attractions that are in addition to the sexual one may argue to be in addition to / independent from mere instinct, although one may as well argue the other way round (what with an emotional/social, long-lasting bond being beneficial to society's structure, and the raising of potential kids, and whatnot else helping one to survive in the early days).

I'd rather say 'it' or rather 'part of it' is based on instinct, but can and usually will go (much) further beyond that. One's sexual attractions are probably based on instinct (alone), but one's, uh, romantic or, you know, 'love' attractions that are in addition to the sexual one may argue to be in addition to / independent from mere instinct, although one may as well argue the other way round (what with an emotional/social, long-lasting bond being beneficial to society's structure, and the raising of potential kids, and whatnot else helping one to survive in the early days).

That makes sense, sort of.

To be honest, the feeling of wanting is hardly any different from hunger at all. It's a feeling of being empty... only without your tummy grumbling.

That sort of makes sense. Are there other ways to tell?

You just know it.

Then I guess I would have known if I had felt it before.

That sort of makes sense. Are there other ways to tell?


To be fair, the first time I didn't recognise the feeling at all. I was just confused by it and had no way categorise it. I'd say it's quite possible that you have fet it before, but didn't know what it was. Especially considering that you ar eactively trying to fight this type of feeling.

That sort of makes sense. So, it's like being hungry, then, but different?

It's not a perfect comparison but it's at least as close as I could come up with and still make any sense at all.

That sort of makes sense. Are there other ways to tell?

The most telling thing to me when I am attracted to someone is getting butterflies thinking about them. There are other small things too, like blushing or having trouble speaking coherently around them. :p

Either way, you're still young, I don't think there's anything wrong with you not being attracted to anyone yet.

To be fair, the first time I didn't recognise the feeling at all. I was just confused by it and had no way categorise it. I'd say it's quite possible that you have fet it before, but didn't know what it was. Especially considering that you ar eactively trying to fight this type of feeling.

I guess it's possible. I may have been attracted to someone in third grade, but I can't really remember what it felt like, and I have no idea whether or not I was actually attracted to someone or not. But I'm mostly fighting the idea that someone could be attracted to me more so than the being attracted to someone. Which I don't think is really bad, except when I begin to assume that people are lying to me whenever they compliment me and when my self-esteem drops. But I think I did fight it in elementary school, or maybe I didn't. I'm not really sure.

How many of us asexuals are there on NS? Enough to set up an "NS Asexual crew"? I guess not:(

The "hunger" analogy isn't a bad one; perhaps a slight refinement to it might be to compare love to a craving. You know how sometimes you find yourself thinking, "Man, I really want some chocolate pudding right now. Chocolate pudding would taste so freaking good. I need chocolate pudding!" (Feel free to substitute any food of your choice for "chocolate pudding.") You kind of feel that way about the person you love, only moreso. It's not that another food wouldn't slake your physical hunger, but you don't want another food. You want your chocolate pudding. :)

How many of us asexuals are there on NS? Enough to set up an "NS Asexual crew"? I guess not:(

How can you possibly be asexual with that many fluffles in your signature?

How can you possibly be asexual with that many fluffles in your signature?

Um, because i like to annoy people, and they do that job epically:D

To be fair, the first time I didn't recognise the feeling at all. I was just confused by it and had no way categorise it. I'd say it's quite possible that you have felt it before, but didn't know what it was. Especially considering that you are actively trying to fight this type of feeling.

I'd agree with this especially since you've said elsewhere that you're dealing with a general fear of people that's just now starting to fade. I think that once it has faded more you'll start noticing signals rising from the noise so to speak. That box comment would have struck me as scary and people like that may still scare even after your more general fear is gone. Alternatively it may be, and this is my personal guess, that you will also notice some more delicate emotions that may currently be swamped by panic and fear reactions. The first time I fell for a girl I was pretty confused by it and straight friends tell me of similar experiences their first times so its not always 100% at first and the other fears you've mentioned to me may be making it impossible for you to notice other more subtle emotions. That's my best take on things. I'm not going to expound on attraction in geeral as that has been covered. I agree with the hunger metaphor though.

You're asexual?

Depending on your circumstances, I guess that could either be a curse or a blessing.

I guess it's possible. I may have been attracted to someone in third grade, but I can't really remember what it felt like, and I have no idea whether or not I was actually attracted to someone or not. But I'm mostly fighting the idea that someone could be attracted to me more so than the being attracted to someone. Which I don't think is really bad, except when I begin to assume that people are lying to me whenever they compliment me and when my self-esteem drops. But I think I did fight it in elementary school, or maybe I didn't. I'm not really sure.

Why would you fight it? From what I’ve observed, it can make people pretty happy, and there’s nothing wrong with being happy. :)

Why would you fight it? From what I’ve observed, it can make people pretty happy, and there’s nothing wrong with being happy. :)

I don't know. I guess I thought it was bad. I can't really remember what attraction felt like, if it was actually attraction.

I'd agree with this especially since you've said elsewhere that you're dealing with a general fear of people that's just now starting to fade. I think that once it has faded more you'll start noticing signals rising from the noise so to speak. That box comment would have struck me as scary and people like that may still scare even after your more general fear is gone. Alternatively it may be, and this is my personal guess, that you will also notice some more delicate emotions that may currently be swamped by panic and fear reactions. The first time I fell for a girl I was pretty confused by it and straight friends tell me of similar experiences their first times so its not always 100% at first and the other fears you've mentioned to me may be making it impossible for you to notice other more subtle emotions. That's my best take on things. I'm not going to expound on attraction in geeral as that has been covered. I agree with the hunger metaphor though.

Thank you, Bumboat. I hate to keep repeating "This makes sense", but it does.:)

The "hunger" analogy isn't a bad one; perhaps a slight refinement to it might be to compare love to a craving. You know how sometimes you find yourself thinking, "Man, I really want some chocolate pudding right now. Chocolate pudding would taste so freaking good. I need chocolate pudding!" (Feel free to substitute any food of your choice for "chocolate pudding.") You kind of feel that way about the person you love, only moreso. It's not that another food wouldn't slake your physical hunger, but you don't want another food. You want your chocolate pudding. :)

Like apple juice!:)

It's so annoying when you hit the button for apple juice on a vending machine, and soda comes out instead. Is that what it's like?

I don't know. I guess I thought it was bad. I can't really remember what attraction felt like, if it was actually attraction.



Thank you, Bumboat. I hate to keep repeating "This makes sense", but it does.:)



Like apple juice!:)

It's so annoying when you hit the button for apple juice on a vending machine, and soda comes out instead. Is that what it's like?

Your Welcome.
Actually its more like you've been craving apple juice all morning and then at lunch you grab a bottle and drink from it before you do anything else.
Afterwards you might think, "Ahhh, that was good!"
That's what it's like. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

So you have never had someone walk by and you turn your head to watch? Never seen someone in a bathing suit and and then totally soak in the sight?

Your Welcome.
Actually its more like you've been craving apple juice all morning and then at lunch you grab a bottle and drink from it before you do anything else.
Afterwards you might think, "Ahhh, that was good!"
That's what it's like. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Oh. I wrote a poem once because I had wanted apple juice really badly all day, and then the vending machine gave me Sprite instead. I drink apple juice every day at lunch. So it's sort of like waiting for the apple juice all day and then the feeling you get when you finally can drink it?

Your Welcome.
Actually its more like you've been craving apple juice all morning and then at lunch you grab a bottle and drink from it before you do anything else.
Afterwards you might think, "Ahhh, that was good!"
That's what it's like. Metaphorically speaking of course.

And then you finish the bottle, and it's disappointing, 'cause you want more. :p

And then you finish the bottle, and it's disappointing, 'cause you want more. :p

Right, and if we stretch the analogy a little then we can say that men are one or maybe two bottles while women are usually 3 or more. :D
But yeah that what it's like.

Right, and if we stretch the analogy a little then we can say that men are one or maybe two bottles while women are usually 3 or more. :D
But yeah that what it's like.

:D Nice one. :fluffle:

That's the problem, I guess. Unless you're drinking, you're always out for your next fix. Or is that just me? :p

So you have never had someone walk by and you turn your head to watch? Never seen someone in a bathing suit and and then totally soak in the sight?

No. I don't like bathing suits, anyway. If I'm ever wearing a bathing suit, I'm usually focusing on making sure that not too much skin is showing, and if people around me are wearing bathing suits, I don't want to look at their skin, unless they're talking to me, in which case I'll look at their face.

First of all, that's 'Miss', or, preferably, Ms.

Entschuldigen-Sie, bitte. Fräulein.

Secondly, for me, we're less talking the attraction/pull of websites than the one of certain people (deservingly or not), and although I warned them that my fate is in their hands, they chose to act irresponsibly and drag me down with them.

That person did not beckon you here, or let you know that he/she had returned, no? Meaning you returned by your own devices.

You teach me words I've not known before on a postly basis; all is well again. Now, I couldn't find it, what's tribadian?

A tribade is a lesbian.

No. I don't like bathing suits, anyway. If I'm ever wearing a bathing suit, I'm usually focusing on making sure that not too much skin is showing, and if people around me are wearing bathing suits, I don't want to look at their skin, unless they're talking to me, in which case I'll look at their face.

Well, you're not particularly weird on that front, anyway. I know plenty of people (myself included) who are decidedly not asexual and who don't find the sight of half-naked strangers particularly sexually interesting. Physical attraction towards someone can derive from all sorts of things besides their appearance - for example, I used to get really turned on when my ex played the piano. Him in his underpants wasn't especially exciting, but him fully clothed and playing Brahms was smokin' hot. So while you might well be asexual, the fact that looking at people's bodies doesn't do much for you really isn't evidence of anything significantly outside the norm. :)

Well, you're not particularly weird on that front, anyway. I know plenty of people (myself included) who are decidedly not asexual and who don't find the sight of half-naked strangers particularly sexually interesting. Physical attraction towards someone can derive from all sorts of things besides their appearance - for example, I used to get really turned on when my ex played the piano. Him in his underpants wasn't especially exciting, but him fully clothed and playing Brahms was smokin' hot. So while you might well be asexual, the fact that looking at people's bodies doesn't do much for you really isn't evidence of anything significantly outside the norm. :)

Okay. Is it possible to be attracted to a fictional character (in a non-physical way)?

Okay. Is it possible to be attracted to a fictional character (in a non-physical way)?

Sure! Heck, I think every girl in my AP English Lit class had a crush on Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. :)

Well, you're not particularly weird on that front, anyway. I know plenty of people (myself included) who are decidedly not asexual and who don't find the sight of half-naked strangers particularly sexually interesting. Physical attraction towards someone can derive from all sorts of things besides their appearance - for example, I used to get really turned on when my ex played the piano. Him in his underpants wasn't especially exciting, but him fully clothed and playing Brahms was smokin' hot. So while you might well be asexual, the fact that looking at people's bodies doesn't do much for you really isn't evidence of anything significantly outside the norm. :)

Considering some people have bathing suits that they should never wear and make you wince might be the reason for this. But going to a waterpark can be quite enjoyable just by sitting on a bench and watching people walk by. :)

Considering some people have bathing suits that they should never wear and make you wince might be the reason for this. But going to a waterpark can be quite enjoyable just by sitting on a bench and watching people walk by. :)

Heh. I admit, you'd have to be a bit weird to enjoy gazing at 400-pound men in Speedos. :) But honestly, even when the people are unambiguously attractive, if I don't know them, I don't find them partcularly more interesting to look at than, say, a bowl of flowers.

Okay. Is it possible to be attracted to a fictional character (in a non-physical way)?
Yup, just ask any fanboy (or girl).

Yup, just ask any fanboy (or girl).

Sure! Heck, I think every girl in my AP English Lit class had a crush on Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. :)

:) I think I've had some sort of crush on the Phantom of the Opera (from the original novel, not the movies!) for some time now.

:) I think I've had some sort of crush on the Phantom of the Opera (from the original novel, not the movies!) for some time now.
I would have never guessed. ;)

In any case, to add on a bit. Feeling attracted is like a hunger. You want that person (Not in the obsessive sense, or even the physical sense). It's rather like suddenly noticing that something is missing, you don't know what, but that something is found when you're in that person's pressence.

You find that you think of that person all the time, even when events really would not suggest themselves to triggering a memory or thought.

As to why, it's a human thing to do. Whether or not you'll feel it with someone or not is not a question I propose to answer (Truth be known, I was the same way till I turned 17, THEN it hit hard). I have known some people who just, for one reason or another, don't care for anything like that till much later on in their lives, and some never do. So if you're worried about being weird, you're not. Everyone develops at their own time.

I think I'll add a bit to the hunger analogy:
The main difference between it and hunger is that you don't start out with a sort of painful feeling, that only happens if you get it and then lose it again.
Actually, drugs are a pretty good analogy to attraction, creepily enough.
First, you have a little and then want more.
If you don't get more, you get very mildly depressed for a little while on not having it but that ends fast.
If you do get more, you eventually get used to it and so losing it isn't any fun at all.
Luckily, by the time you get to that point it feels great.

Entschuldigen-Sie, bitte. Fräulein.

Bitch didn't just call me Fräulein. Better go back and find some contemporary German teacher or you might get hurt. :)

That person did not beckon you here, or let you know that he/she had returned, no? Meaning you returned by your own devices.

Some people chronically underestimate their popularity, and the bushfire quality of NS news. But as I don't underestimate your profile-searching abilities, I better admit right now that I've been on sporadically before.
A tribade is a lesbian.
I've been that far, but I've got to admit this doesn't help me much with getting it. It's not like I, uh, said I wanted to bury them in candles so that no one can see them or anything.. But, umm, okay.


Okay. Is it possible to be attracted to a fictional character (in a non-physical way)?

Oh, yes.

On a similar topic, you might want to consult PM and Glitziness and consorts who 'met' and fell in love online, without ever having seen each other.

I would have never guessed. ;)

In any case, to add on a bit. Feeling attracted is like a hunger. You want that person (Not in the obsessive sense, or even the physical sense). It's rather like suddenly noticing that something is missing, you don't know what, but that something is found when you're in that person's pressence.

You find that you think of that person all the time, even when events really would not suggest themselves to triggering a memory or thought.

As to why, it's a human thing to do. Whether or not you'll feel it with someone or not is not a question I propose to answer (Truth be known, I was the same way till I turned 17, THEN it hit hard). I have known some people who just, for one reason or another, don't care for anything like that till much later on in their lives, and some never do. So if you're worried about being weird, you're not. Everyone develops at their own time.

:)

Okay, that makes more sense. Thank you.

Bitch didn't just call me Fräulein. Better go back and find some contemporary German teacher or you might get hurt. :)

I am very well aware that Fräulein has come to be perceived as insulting and was abandoned sometimes in the 60s. That's why it went so well with my intent.

Some people chronically underestimate their popularity, and the bushfire quality of NS news. But as I don't underestimate your profile-searching abilities, I better admit right now that I've been on sporadically before.

And you point your finger at me? The nerve.

I've been that far, but I've got to admit this doesn't help me much with getting it. It's not like I, uh, said I wanted to bury them in candles so that no one can see them or anything.. But, umm, okay.

It isn't just candles that are the accoutrements of sapphism. Miniature doodads are among them, as well.

Trying to explain sexual attraction to an asexual person would be like a homosexual man trying to explain to a hetrosexual man why he is attracted to men rather than women.

I don't understand why anyone (male of female) find the male body attractive. About half the worlds population feel that way though. I just accept they feel that way.

Egh-bleh-wagh-what? Aren't you a guy? Wasn't that the whole crux of that other thread? Oh, I'm so confused now.

Well, if you're a man there is a simple way of telling, and that is by seeing your penis get erect.
ya know, I was just about to post an indignant rebuttal to your very shallow generalisation about men/attractions/physical blahblah, but then I saw who posted this and figured it's not really worth it.
Glad to have you back btw. A goodly proportion of us missed you.

I got to page two and felt the urge to ask this question so I could better understand the OP's problem, and forgive me if this has already been discussed in the latter pages I haven't seen yet:

Has Chan ever masturbated? If not, I would encourage her to do so just to understand the drive to feel that feeling with someone else that we all share.

I got to page two and felt the urge to ask this question so I could better understand the OP's problem, and forgive me if this has already been discussed in the latter pages I haven't seen yet:
Like you I haven't gone thru all the pages, so apologies if this has been asked before:
To the OP: You wouldn't, by any chance, have Asperger's? Cause you're comment about how you can't understand the hows & whys of relationships and then later this one: "I can't stand it when things don't make sense" does make me wonder.
One of the things Aspergers do have difficulty with is understanding emotional attachments. As well they do tend to find it very frustrating, cause they're trying to understand it from a logical viewpoint where it's obviously an emotional one.

Like you I haven't gone thru all the pages, so apologies if this has been asked before:
To the OP: You wouldn't, by any chance, have Asperger's? Cause you're comment about how you can't understand the hows & whys of relationships and then later this one: "I can't stand it when things don't make sense" does make me wonder.
One of the things Aspergers do have difficulty with is understanding emotional attachments. As well they do tend to find it very frustrating, cause they're trying to understand it from a logical viewpoint where it's obviously an emotional one.

This is very true. I have a friend who has a slight case of aspergers, and he has trouble dealing with emotional feelings he gets around a girl he likes.

Has Chan ever masturbated? If not, I would encourage her to do so just to understand the drive to feel that feeling with someone else that we all share.

I'm not sure whether an, umm, successful masturbation would be able to explain the feeling of attraction, even if we're talking only the physical kind.

---

Allow me to compress my potential individual answers into one statement: It is indeed great to have you back, as much as I regret it.

ya know, I was just about to post an indignant rebuttal to your very shallow generalisation about men/attractions/physical blahblah, but then I saw who posted this and figured it's not really worth it.

Why not? And would you deny the truth that lies in the erect cock?

Glad to have you back btw. A goodly proportion of us missed you.

Aww.

I got to page two and felt the urge to ask this question so I could better understand the OP's problem, and forgive me if this has already been discussed in the latter pages I haven't seen yet:

Has Chan ever masturbated? If not, I would encourage her to do so just to understand the drive to feel that feeling with someone else that we all share.

No, I haven't. I don't want to do so.

Like you I haven't gone thru all the pages, so apologies if this has been asked before:
To the OP: You wouldn't, by any chance, have Asperger's? Cause you're comment about how you can't understand the hows & whys of relationships and then later this one: "I can't stand it when things don't make sense" does make me wonder.
One of the things Aspergers do have difficulty with is understanding emotional attachments. As well they do tend to find it very frustrating, cause they're trying to understand it from a logical viewpoint where it's obviously an emotional one.

As far as I know, I don't have Aspergers.

No, I haven't. I don't want to do so.


Why?

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

It's biological. Like hunger or the desire to sleep.

Why?

Because she's come here for a little understanding of the way she feels, not to be told that she's somehow weird and must be doing something wrong, or hasn't tried it properly, perhaps?

Why?

I don't see any reason why I should, and I just don't want to.

Because she's come here for a little understanding of the way she feels, not to be told that she's somehow weird and must be doing something wrong, or hasn't tried it properly, perhaps?

That's part of it, too.

Because she's come here for a little understanding of the way she feels, not to be told that she's somehow weird and must be doing something wrong, or hasn't tried it properly, perhaps?

Not quite, I think...
She's been going on about this very topic for a couple of weeks now. There's a distinct little element of internet exhibitionism involved.
However, she asked us to help her understand. In order to do that, there are some questions that need answering first.

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

Have you ever considered the possibility that you may be a hermaphrodite? Not all hermaphrodites have two sets of sex organs. Most just have incompletely developed sex organs from a single sex. You may be missing some "parts."

That's part of it, too.

Fair enough.
So, basically, you're saying that we (meaning us sexually active people) are incomprehensible to you, but as you consider it weird you don't really want to know why we have sex. Which, oddly, doesn't stop you from asking why we have it in every other post, alternating with posts that point out that you don't want it and can't understand why people would have or enjoy sex.

Make up you mind, hon, please.

Not quite, I think...
She's been going on about this very topic for a couple of weeks now. There's a distinct little element of internet exhibitionism involved.
However, she asked us to help her understand. In order to do that, there are some questions that need answering first.

I was aware of the recurring frequency of the topic, but it could well be because she feels so insecure and wants reassurance while maintaining some anonymity. Then, in response, we get a lot of people who normally claim to be 'liberal' about these things and say 'let people be who they are' trying to 'correct' her. Perhaps their liberalism only extends so far as they are told to extend it, and when they are faced with a new topic they revert to type?

I was aware of the recurring frequency of the topic, but it could well be because she feels so insecure and wants reassurance while maintaining some anonymity. Then, in response, we get a lot of people who normally claim to be 'liberal' about these things and say 'let people be who they are' trying to 'correct' her. Perhaps their liberalism only extends so far as they are told to extend it, and when they are faced with a new topic they revert to type?

And you deduct all that jut because I asked her why she doesn't masturbate?
You never once thought that I might be asking questions to help her find out about her own reasons?
I have to be the evil liberal who can't abide people being different from myself, right?

Fair enough.
So, basically, you're saying that we (meaning us sexually active people) are incomprehensible to you, but as you consider it weird you don't really want to know why we have sex. Which, oddly, doesn't stop you from asking why we have it in every other post, alternating with posts that point out that you don't want it and can't understand why people would have or enjoy sex.

Make up you mind, hon, please.

I want to know why. I just don't want to try anything of that nature. I'm a little bit confused right now, I'm sorry.

Meh, i can;t say the question bothers me greatly.

And you deduct all that jut because I asked her why she doesn't masturbate?
You never once thought that I might be asking questions to help her find out about her own reasons?
I have to be the evil liberal who can't abide people being different from myself, right?

This thread is full of people asking people asking if she's seriously never had sexual urges, or done something about it. It's sort of like:

"I don't feel sexual"
"Really?"
"Yes."
"What, really?
"Yes."
"Never?"
"No."
"What about if you do this?"
"No."
"Never?"

It does get somewhat tiresome, especially as the usual message is "be who you are, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" If that's what she is, that's what she is. If you don't believe that's what she is, then ignore her.

And don't feel singled out here. I merely replied to you because you were the last poster when I came back into the thread.

I want to know why. I just don't want to try anything of that nature. I'm a little bit confused right now, I'm sorry.

The thing about sex is, there's no verbal or rational answer to those questions, as most people in the thread pointed out.
If you want to understand it, you have to experience it.

This thread is full of people asking people asking if she's seriously never had sexual urges, or done something about it. It's sort of like:

"I don't feel sexual"
"Really?"
"Yes."
"What, really?
"Yes."
"Never?"
"No."
"What about if you do this?"
"No."
"Never?"

It does get somewhat tiresome, especially as the usual message is "be who you are, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" If that's what she is, that's what she is. If you don't believe that's what she is, then ignore her.

And don't feel singled out here. I merely replied to you because you were the last poster when I came back into the thread.


I talked to her about it before, though. I know how she feels, and I can relate to it because I felt much the same way for a long time. I'm not trying to put her down, I'm not trying to make her feel like a freak. She's not.

I talked to her about it before, though. I know how she feels, and I can relate to it because I felt much the same way for a long time. I'm not trying to put her down, I'm not trying to make her feel like a freak. She's not.

I know; I've seen the two of you talking before. It's not discussing her feelings that's the problem; it's the idea that she must be grilled about it, and attempts made to 'correct' her ("try masturbating, go on!"). I think what she needs more than anything is to be reassured that she's allowed to be who she is; she may one day change, and fall in love; she may never do so and be happy single.

It's not her fault that culture is so sex-mad these days that if you're not at it all night, every night, you're somehow 'weird'.

I know; I've seen the two of you talking before. It's not discussing her feelings that's the problem; it's the idea that she must be grilled about it, and attempts made to 'correct' her ("try masturbating, go on!"). I think what she needs more than anything is to be reassured that she's allowed to be who she is; she may one day change, and fall in love; she may never do so and be happy single.

It's not her fault that culture is so sex-mad these days that if you're not at it all night, every night, you're somehow 'weird'.

Have you ever considered the fact that she might need a doctor? It's entirely possible that she has some medical problem. Maybe she's a hermaphrodite. Maybe she's got some hormonal issues. There are all kinds of medical conditions that can cause this response.

I know; I've seen the two of you talking before. It's not discussing her feelings that's the problem; it's the idea that she must be grilled about it, and attempts made to 'correct' her ("try masturbating, go on!"). I think what she needs more than anything is to be reassured that she's allowed to be who she is; she may one day change, and fall in love; she may never do so and be happy single.

It's not her fault that culture is so sex-mad these days that if you're not at it all night, every night, you're somehow 'weird'.

"Try masturbating, go on" would have no success whatsoever anyway. It might be good advise for boys, girls tend to have a more complicated relationship to their own body, and particularly to their sex organs. It takes a lot of learning for most.

Right now, I think the most important thing for her is to be secure in whatever she decides to be. Sexuality seems to be a big source of insecurity for her. All I'm trying to do right now is getting her to analyse her own position and her own feelings, so she can hopefully become more at ease and more secure in who she is.

Right now, I think the most important thing for her is to be secure in whatever she decides to be. Sexuality seems to be a big source of insecurity for her. All I'm trying to do right now is getting her to analyse her own position and her own feelings, so she can hopefully become more at ease and more secure in who she is.

I have no problem with that. Look one post up, though, and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Right now, I think the most important thing for her is to be secure in whatever she decides to be. Sexuality seems to be a big source of insecurity for her. All I'm trying to do right now is getting her to analyse her own position and her own feelings, so she can hopefully become more at ease and more secure in who she is.

Okay, I see. Thanks for trying to help.

The thing about sex is, there's no verbal or rational answer to those questions, as most people in the thread pointed out.
If you want to understand it, you have to experience it.

That's part of what I'm still trying to understand.

I have no problem with that. Look one post up, though, and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Why? Are you denying that? There was nothing wrong with what I posted. The fact is she actually may need a doctor and it's ignorant and dangerous for you to dimiss the possibility out of hand. You have no idea what might be wrong and the fact that nothing might be wrong doesn't change that. I've read about effects like this happening because of tumors, underdeveloped ovaries... there are all kinds of reasons she may have no sex drive and many of those possibilities are medical in nature and if she feels wierd enough about not being attracted to anyone to come in a forum and ask about it then it should at least be mentioned that she should see a doctor to rule any of them out. There's nothing prejudicial about that, it just makes sense.

Why? Are you denying that? There was nothing wrong with what I posted. The fact is she actually may need a doctor and it's ignorant and dangerous for you to dimiss the possibility out of hand. You have no idea what might be wrong and the fact that nothing might be wrong doesn't change that. I've read about effects like this happening because of tumors, underdeveloped ovaries... there are all kinds of reasons she may have no sex drive and many of those possibilities are medical in nature and if she feels wierd enough about not being attracted to anyone to come in a forum and ask about it then it should at least be mentioned that she should see a doctor to rule any of them out. There's nothing prejudicial about that, it just makes sense.

She's a 16 year old very frightened and insecure about her sexuality. Telling someone they feel a certain way because there is something wrong with them is not exactly a great technique for building up security and confidence.

That's part of what I'm still trying to understand.

Honey, seriously, that's a waste of time. It cannot be understood that way.
Your situation is a bit like a person who never once opened their eyes in all their life asking what the colour red is like. To understand it, you have to see for youself. Or, in this case, feel and experience for yourself.

She's a 16 year old very frightened and insecure about her sexuality. Telling someone they feel a certain way because there is something wrong with them is not exactly a great technique for building up security and confidence.

And ignoring something that may very well be a medical issue is dangerous. Again, you have NO idea what is or isn't wrong with her. The fact is that if it is medical it is likely treatable which would solve her dilmna in the first place. Also, if it is medical and she doesn't get it looked at it can be very dangerous. At 16 she should have a gynecologist anyway so she should mention it at her next appointment.

I'll say it again. There are all kinds of reasons she may not have a sex drive and many of them are medical in nature. They should be ruled out.

I suppose, to get back to the original question, sexual drive is pretty much undescribable. You could say it's like hunger in the same way you could tell a blind person that sight is kinda like hearing: in the case of sight, they both give you information about the world around you, but the sensations are completely different; in this case, they're both drives, but the sensations are incredibly different.

I know that probably didn't help, but I'm trying my best to see if I can explain it better.

And ignoring something that may very well be a medical issue is dangerous. Again, you have NO idea what is or isn't wrong with her. The fact is that if it is medical it is likely treatable which would solve her dilmna in the first place. Also, if it is medical and she doesn't get it looked at it can be very dangerous. At 16 she should have a gynecologist anyway so she should mention it at her next appointment.

I'll say it again. There are all kinds of reasons she may not have a sex drive and many of them are medical in nature. They should be ruled out.

I don't have a gynecologist.

I suppose, to get back to the original question, sexual drive is pretty much undescribable. You could say it's like hunger in the same way you could tell a blind person that sight is kinda like hearing: in the case of sight, they both give you information about the world around you, but the sensations are completely different; in this case, they're both drives, but the sensations are incredibly different.

I know that probably didn't help, but I'm trying my best to see if I can explain it better.

It helped a little bit. Thanks.

Honey, seriously, that's a waste of time. It cannot be understood that way.
Your situation is a bit like a person who never once opened their eyes in all their life asking what the colour red is like. To understand it, you have to see for youself. Or, in this case, feel and experience for yourself.

Should I stop trying to understand?

I don't have a gynecologist.



Mention it to your school nurse at the very least. You're at a point in your life where your hormones should be almost out of control. The fact that you're not sexually attracted to anyone and have no sex drive may not mean that there is something particularily wrong with you. You may just be late developing or whatever. It can, however, mean that you have a medical issue. Afterall, it's not other people that cause "horniness." It's testosterone - in both sexes - so the fact that you never feel any kind of sex drive is a little strange. Even if you don't know anyone who you are attracted to you should be able to imagine a person that you would be attracted to. You know, do you like blond hair, brown hair, long hair, short hair, blue eyes, brown eyes, etc... Not knowing anyone who you would like to have sex with is different from not wanting to have sex at all. It's worth talking to a medical professional about it just to rule out any medical issues or get treatment if you have one.

I don't understand if you're just saying it's not your cup of tea, or if you're claiming a total inability to fathom basic attraction. The latter seems like it'd be sort of silly... for example, I've never tasted sushi or had the desire to do so, but I understand why other people like it.

Or is this just incredulity?

I don't understand if you're just saying it's not your cup of tea, or if you're claiming a total inability to fathom basic attraction. The latter seems like it'd be sort of silly... for example, I've never tasted sushi or had the desire to do so, but I understand why other people like it.

Or is this just incredulity?

I pretty much don't understand it.

Mention it to your school nurse at the very least. You're at a point in your life where your hormones should be almost out of control. The fact that you're not sexually attracted to anyone and have no sex drive may not mean that there is something particularily wrong with you. You may just be late developing or whatever. It can, however, mean that you have a medical issue. Afterall, it's not other people that cause "horniness." It's testosterone - in both sexes - so the fact that you never feel any kind of sex drive is a little strange. Even if you don't know anyone who you are attracted to you should be able to imagine a person that you would be attracted to. You know, do you like blond hair, brown hair, long hair, short hair, blue eyes, brown eyes, etc... Not knowing anyone who you would like to have sex with is different from not wanting to have sex at all. It's worth talking to a medical professional about it just to rule out any medical issues or get treatment if you have one.

Maybe I will, but I don't feel like anything is wrong with me.

I like golden eyes, and I like intelligence, I guess.

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

Unless you yourself experience it, no amount of explanation is ever going to make you understand, because it's not a rational thing.

It's not a why, it's just a feeling. Someone's personality and physicality sometimes combine to make one have more than feelings of friendship for them.

Unless you yourself experience it, no amount of explanation is ever going to make you understand, because it's not a rational thing.

It's not a why, it's just a feeling. Someone's personality and physicality sometimes combine to make one have more than feelings of friendship for them.

Okay. I guess I won't be able to understand it, then.

Should I stop trying to understand?
Not at all, because if truth be known, everyone is trying to understand it, even people in relationships (Am I in love? Is this love? What is love? Why do I love her? etc.).

The difference here though is lack of starting point. We have no way to tell you because we don't have a common frame of reference, right now (That may change for you in the future, it may not).

To expand on Cabra's example of red. If I was trying to tell you how red the apples are here in Nagano, I could do it because you've seen red. I can start naming examples of, shades, and so on till you get a fairly good idea how red they are, even though you've never seen a Nagano apple.

However, if you are blind, I can't because there's no common reference I could give you to help you understand.

So, no, don't give up trying to understand it, just be aware that we cannot help you at this time.

I'm not sure why everyone has focussed on the sexual aspect.

Chan's issue seems deeper than that, since she is questioning simple basic attraction.

It's not nearly as complicated as everyone is making it out to be.

Attraction is when you meet someone, of any gender, and you ENJOY that person. It is PLEASURABLE to be with them for whatever reasons. Those reasons vary wildly from person to person.
If you are ATTRACTED to them, you will generaly attempt to be with them longer, or more often, or if self-esteem or shyness prevents you from attempting, you at least WISH you could be with the person more.

So, yes, you can be attracted to a fictional character.

Sexual attraction takes it a bit further. The attraction is typically to a particular gender, but not always, and the attraction includes a desire for physical intimacy, to kiss, to touch, to hold or maybe the desire is more... vigorous. It's very much the opposite of rage, where someone has angered you enough that you want to smash their face, if that's something you understand.

For the desire to insert one's pen-iss into another's vag-eena. Quote the Family Guy..or something to that effect.

Not at all, because if truth be known, everyone is trying to understand it, even people in relationships (Am I in love? Is this love? What is love? Why do I love her? etc.).

The difference here though is lack of starting point. We have no way to tell you because we don't have a common frame of reference, right now (That may change for you in the future, it may not).

To expand on Cabra's example of red. If I was trying to tell you how red the apples are here in Nagano, I could do it because you've seen red. I can start naming examples of, shades, and so on till you get a fairly good idea how red they are, even though you've never seen a Nagano apple.

However, if you are blind, I can't because there's no common reference I could give you to help you understand.

So, no, don't give up trying to understand it, just be aware that we cannot help you at this time.

All right.

I'm not sure why everyone has focussed on the sexual aspect.

Chan's issue seems deeper than that, since she is questioning simple basic attraction.

It's not nearly as complicated as everyone is making it out to be.

Attraction is when you meet someone, of any gender, and you ENJOY that person. It is PLEASURABLE to be with them for whatever reasons. Those reasons vary wildly from person to person.
If you are ATTRACTED to them, you will generaly attempt to be with them longer, or more often, or if self-esteem or shyness prevents you from attempting, you at least WISH you could be with the person more.

So, yes, you can be attracted to a fictional character.

Sexual attraction takes it a bit further. The attraction is typically to a particular gender, but not always, and the attraction includes a desire for physical intimacy, to kiss, to touch, to hold or maybe the desire is more... vigorous. It's very much the opposite of rage, where someone has angered you enough that you want to smash their face, if that's something you understand.

Oh! That's helpful. Thank you.:)

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

smell apparently, then subconscious desire to find healthy mate.

smell apparently, then subconscious desire to find healthy mate.

Smell?:confused:

Smell?:confused:

Well, apart from the fact that there's people like me who've got something of an, umm, olfactory fixation, I think they are referring to the scientific understanding that a lot of human (sexual) attraction is triggered (subconsciuosly) by smells. You know, just like dogs leave 'smell signs' to tell another passing dog how they feel and also where in the mating cycle they are, humans basically emit such smells, too. Again, all subconscious level, though.

Well, apart from the fact that there's people like me who've got something of an, umm, olfactory fixation, I think they are referring to the scientific understanding that a lot of human (sexual) attraction is triggered (subconsciuosly) by smells. You know, just like dogs leave 'smell signs' to tell another passing dog how they feel and also where in the mating cycle they are, humans basically emit such smells, too. Again, all subconscious level, though.

Oh, okay. Is that why people wear cologne or perfume?

Why are many people attracted to people?

Because those people who were not attracted to other people did not reproduce and the genetic line died off.

Because those people who were not attracted to other people did not reproduce and the genetic line died off.

Not necessarily. I've heard that some people who weren't attracted to other people got married and had children anyway due to pressure from society or their parents. And apparently 1% of adults (http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/science/10/14/asexual.study/) have never felt sexually attracted to anyone.

I've sometimes exhibited the strong desire to shrink the objects of my attraction to squirrel size and keep them in a terrarium in my room, but I think that's less common.

0_o
Me too...

Oh, okay. Is that why people wear cologne or perfume?
Actually, that's to concously smell good. I believe he was talking about pheramones (sp?), which do not actually have a detectable oder.

Actually, that's to concously smell good. I believe he was talking about pheramones (sp?), which do not actually have a detectable oder.

Most perfumes use pheromones. In very small doses. It's what makes some perfumes smell "heavy"

Actually, that's to concously smell good. I believe he was talking about pheramones (sp?), which do not actually have a detectable oder.

Most perfumes use pheromones. In very small doses. It's what makes some perfumes smell "heavy"

Oh, okay. So it could be both to consciously and unconsciously smell good?

The most telling thing to me when I am attracted to someone is getting butterflies thinking about them. There are other small things too, like blushing or having trouble speaking coherently around them. :p

Either way, you're still young, I don't think there's anything wrong with you not being attracted to anyone yet.
I've known a girl for a fair amount of time and she has those last two symptoms around me, could she be interested in me?:eek:

Oh, okay. So it could be both to consciously and unconsciously smell good?

Basically, yes. There's "smell good" in the perfume/cologne/deadorant/.. sense that is obvious, geard towards other people consciously picking it up and basically a hygiene/make-up kinda thing. This might superficially help in having people being attracted to you, but it's not what triggers the instinct part about it (which is, IIRC, what we were talking aout when thi first came about in this thread).

Then, there's "smell good/desireably" in the sense that you don't achieve via any products you can buy, but that is generated by your body. And no, I'm not talking excessive BO here, but something that you cannot consciously pick up on. Something incredibly faint, but that your subconscious will still pick up on and extract information about the other person from.

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.
How do you know if you find a smell pleasing? How do you know if you like a food? How do you know if you're fond of a color?

Most perfumes use pheromones. In very small doses. It's what makes some perfumes smell "heavy"

I thought they hadn't proven the existence of human pheromones? :confused:

I've known a girl for a fair amount of time and she has those last two symptoms around me, could she be interested in me?:eek:

Either that or she's shy...

I thought they hadn't proven the existence of human pheromones? :confused:


That's why they keep using Musk :D

That's why they keep using Musk :D

Eww! :p

:fluffle:

Eww! :p

:fluffle:

Yay, it works! I get fluffles! I have to keep buying that perfume :D

:fluffle: :fluffle:

Yay, it works! I get fluffles! I have to keep buying that perfume :D

:fluffle: :fluffle:

I'd fluffle you without the perfume. ;)

:fluffle: :fluffle:

Actually, that's to concously smell good. I believe he was talking about pheramones (sp?), which do not actually have a detectable oder.

:eek: What have you done to my beautiful language?

Yay, it works! I get fluffles! I have to keep buying that perfume

Why are they called fluffles?

Why are many people attracted to people? And how would one be able to tell that they are attracted to someone?

I don't believe I've ever been attracted to anyone. I'm trying to understand why other people have relationships that aren't entirely platonic and why people seem to be attracted to other people. I don't understand.

hehe did I read that correctly you have never understood why people are attracted to other people?

Man ummm ohh ohh how about for the survial of the species?:p

I'd fluffle you without the perfume. ;)

:fluffle: :fluffle:

Oh, goody! :)
Thanks... it's really what I need today. Plenty of fluffles.

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

Why are they called fluffles?

Cause they're fluffly? :confused:

Dunno, it's just what they're called.

Oh, goody! :)
Thanks... it's really what I need today. Plenty of fluffles.

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

In that case, I'm more than happy to oblige. ;)

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

Cause they're fluffly? :confused:

Dunno, it's just what they're called.

I demand a taxpayer funded long and inconclusive investigation.

hehe did I read that correctly you have never understood why people are attracted to other people?

Man ummm ohh ohh how about for the survial of the species?:p

Survival of the species does not require attraction.

Survival of the species does not require attraction.

Ohhh yes it does, ohhh yes it does indeed. Why do birds mate with the male birds that have brighter feathers, or have the better dance, or why do some mamals chose their mates acording to how he keeps his borrow, or why do some girls like men with big muscles?

Attraction leads to sex, leads to survival of the species.

Ohhh yes it does, ohhh yes it does indeed. Why do birds mate with the male birds that have brighter feathers, or have the better dance, or why do some mamals chose their mates acording to how he keeps his borrow, or why do some girls like men with big muscles?

Attraction leads to sex, leads to survival of the species.

Brighter feathers and better dancing are indicators of a stronger specimen, who will produce stronger offspring which therefore have a greater chance of carrying on the female's line and in turn the species. Also while it may be true that humans need attraction for survival of the species, courting is a long and inefficient road to reproduction. My beef is with the fact that it shouldn't be there, I'm not arguing against the fact that it is.

Brighter feathers and better dancing are indicators of a stronger specimen, who will produce stronger offspring which therefore have a greater chance of carrying on the female's line and in turn the species. Also while it may be true that humans need attraction for survival of the species, courting is a long and inefficient road to reproduction. My beef is with the fact that it shouldn't be there, I'm not arguing against the fact that it is.

Well you've sorta contradicted yourself there.

You say that attraction should not be there in order for procreation?

So how then does one know which bird is stronger, without the power of attraction?

Attraction: The act of attracting.

Well you've sorta contradicted yourself there.

You say that attraction should not be there in order for procreation?

So how then does one know which bird is stronger, without the power of attraction?

Attraction: The act of attracting.

Aww crap not again :(

If it wasn't 1:30 in the morning, I may have been able to form an argument that made sense. I think I accidentally changed the subject a tiny bit mid-post, thus contradicting/humilating myself.... AGAIN

Aww crap not again :(

If it wasn't 1:30 in the morning, I may have been able to form an argument that made sense. I think I accidentally changed the subject a tiny bit mid-post, thus contradicting/humilating myself.... AGAIN

It happens. After about 1000 posts, you'll get more used to it. After 2000 posts, if you survive that long, you become a pirahna and tear apart the living flesh of trolls and idiots with the rest of us.

Till then, learn to swim -really- fast. =)

Aww crap not again :(

If it wasn't 1:30 in the morning, I may have been able to form an argument that made sense. I think I accidentally changed the subject a tiny bit mid-post, thus contradicting/humilating myself.... AGAIN


Heheh it happens to the best of us, yes even me!:eek: I know, I know....

Heheh it happens to the best of us, yes even me!:eek: I know, I know....

Success always occurs in private, failure in full public view.

Success always occurs in private, failure in full public view.

That's because you don't usually masturbate in public, though it's a success everytime.

How do you know if you find a smell pleasing? How do you know if you like a food? How do you know if you're fond of a color?

I guess I just know. Okay, but I still can't really tell if I'm attracted to anyone or not. I don't think I am. Since I can't tell, I guess that means that I'm not.

Basically, yes. There's "smell good" in the perfume/cologne/deadorant/.. sense that is obvious, geard towards other people consciously picking it up and basically a hygiene/make-up kinda thing. This might superficially help in having people being attracted to you, but it's not what triggers the instinct part about it (which is, IIRC, what we were talking aout when thi first came about in this thread).

Then, there's "smell good/desireably" in the sense that you don't achieve via any products you can buy, but that is generated by your body. And no, I'm not talking excessive BO here, but something that you cannot consciously pick up on. Something incredibly faint, but that your subconscious will still pick up on and extract information about the other person from.

All right. That makes sense to me mostly.