NationStates Jolt Archive

Okay, now. You become Almighty. You are the new God. What is the first thing you do with your powers? now, I have given this a lot of thought and have developed quite a list, but I'm only interested in the FIRST thing you do.

My first action, I decided, should be a combination of a symbolic demonstration of power to let people know that there are going to be some changes around here, and partially a way of making the world a better place. It must also reflect the varying oddities of my nature. :) Now there lay the problem. Because until just a few minutes ago, My plan was to erase Jerusalem from the map, leaving all the former occupants on the edges of what used to be the city and replacing it with a large hill covered with daffodils.

I liked this plan and it will still be in my first four or five tasks, but I think I've chosen a new first task: I'm going to change Pope Benedict XVI, Pat Robertson, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, and Rev. Fred Phelps all into black lesbian haitian women.

I think that would get the point across nicely. :)

Create the storm to end all storms. If not to demonstrate my power, it'll shut the government up about our lack of water.

Convince Alyson Hannigan to have sex with me.

Make everyone sterile for a few years to decrease the surplus population.

Make Fred Phelps gay.

Actually, make that a flaming homosexual transvestite, who giggles and makes continuous gay inuendo.

The problem with having God's powers would be that there'd be so many opportunities for mischief, that I wouldn't know what to do. So I'd probably just sleep.

bask in my wisdom. :)

Let boom the words 'All hail!' and watch everyone think that their god has come to save them. Then I set them straight and laugh. Then lunch.

Make Fred Phelps gay.

What makes you think that he isn't?

Let boom the words 'All hail!' and watch everyone think that their god has come to save them. Then I set them straight and laugh. Then lunch.

Oh, at least lunch.

I intend to vacation for a month in the Carribbean after my initial demonstration of power. I'll sit back and sip margaritas and develop new and exciting creatures to introduce into the ecosystem while the dust settles from every major religion on Earth collapsing into chaos. Then will begin Step 2. :)

Make Collingwood win the AFL premiership this season.

What makes you think that he isn't?

Hmmm... It's possible I suppose...
O.K., in that case make him blatantly gay, like make a papier-mache man out of Bibles and screw it and stuff.

The first rattle out of the gate I would abdicate before I screwed something up badly. Ive no business having responsibility like this.

The first rattle out of the gate I would abdicate before I screwed something up badly. Ive no business having responsibility like this.

I'd sorta do that -- after convincing Alyson Hannigan to have sex with me -- but I wouldn't abdicate. I'd keep the powers, just not use them. Abdicating implies that they'd pass to someone else. Wouldn't trust how that would pan out.

Raise Sid Vicious from the dead. Make him neo-Jesus. Laugh.

I'd use my infinite wisdom to figure out what singular action I could make that would make the world right and make the people at peace while retaining free will and happiness.

After that I'd get a raspberry smoothie from Jamba Juice.

Then I'd do the perfect world thing I asked about.

Make Collingwood win the AFL premiership this season.

That would take divine intervention. :p
Sorry, couldn't help myself. ;)

Freeze time and correct everything in the world. Though chaos is amusing it's hardly something the almighty should take pleasure in.

Freeze time and correct everything in the world. Though chaos is amusing it's hardly something the almighty should take pleasure in.

:eek: BLASHEMY! :eek:

I'd sorta do that -- after convincing Alyson Hannigan to have sex with me -- but I wouldn't abdicate. I'd keep the powers, just not use them. Abdicating implies that they'd pass to someone else. Wouldn't trust how that would pan out.

I figure it's better the next one down the line than me.

If you become God would you mind giving a few select ladies gushing crushes on me before you shelve your powers?

I figure it's better the next one down the line than me.

If you become God would you mind giving a few select ladies gushing crushes on me before you shelve your powers?

Sure! Any particular preferences? :)

Okay, now. You become Almighty. You are the new God. What is the first thing you do with your powers? now, I have given this a lot of thought and have developed quite a list, but I'm only interested in the FIRST thing you do.

My first action, I decided, should be a combination of a symbolic demonstration of power to let people know that there are going to be some changes around here, and partially a way of making the world a better place. It must also reflect the varying oddities of my nature. :) Now there lay the problem. Because until just a few minutes ago, My plan was to erase Jerusalem from the map, leaving all the former occupants on the edges of what used to be the city and replacing it with a large hill covered with daffodils.

I liked this plan and it will still be in my first four or five tasks, but I think I've chosen a new first task: I'm going to change Pope Benedict XVI, Pat Robertson, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, and Rev. Fred Phelps all into black lesbian haitian women.

I think that would get the point across nicely. :)

At the risk of being serious... the first thing I would do is make it possible for babies to be conceived through homosexual sex.

I would also make it up to the sexor/sexee whether or not the WANTED pregnancy as a possible result of sex acts.

Hopefully, this would put an end, once and for all, to all those arguments about 'sex is for babies', 'gay sex is bad, because no babies', etc.

:eek: BLASHEMY! :eek:

I'd give you a pocket dimension. And televise it.

Sure! Any particular preferences? :)

Since you'll be God and all, I guess I'll leave it up to you to decide who might be best. As long as you promise ahead of time you wont play practical jokes. No Rosanne Barrs or Laura Schlessingers calling me at all hours please.

Make everyone sterile for a few years to decrease the surplus population.You could do that by making everyone homosexual, too. Though since homosexuals aren't sterile, you'd need to do it longer.

At the risk of being serious... the first thing I would do is make it possible for babies to be conceived through homosexual sex.

I would also make it up to the sexor/sexee whether or not the WANTED pregnancy as a possible result of sex acts.

Hopefully, this would put an end, once and for all, to all those arguments about 'sex is for babies', 'gay sex is bad, because no babies', etc.


Why not just eliminate any possible strife and make everyone the same dual sex that can either impregnate or be impregnated, something like snails? Or like planaria that can turn into two if you cut them in half?

Why not just eliminate any possible strife and make everyone the same dual sex that can either impregnate or be impregnated, something like snails? Or like planaria that can turn into two if you cut them in half?

Because, for many, the man-ness or woman-ness of your partner is a large part of the appeal of the process.

Because, for many, the man-ness or woman-ness of your partner is a large part of the appeal of the process.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure a god could change that. Hell a god could turn us all into single celled organisms on a whim. It's called being omnipotent.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure a god could change that. Hell a god could turn us all into single celled organisms on a whim. It's called being omnipotent.

But - the whole premise of the thread is that I am the omnipotent god.... I want girl-on-girl, boy-on-boy, and boy/girl action all round the world... not binary fission.

But - the whole premise of the thread is that I am the omnipotent god.... I want girl-on-girl, boy-on-boy, and boy/girl action all round the world... not binary fission.

If you're a god have at it. Could be amusing, to avoid potential problems with the peons I suggest altering their memories.

I would put a huge, humanity-destroying asteroid on a collision-course with Earth, just to see what would happen. Would they team up and fix the problem? Would they argue and let it destroy them?

Obviously when everybody messed up I'd vanish the asteroid just before impact to make them feel really silly. Unless they really annoyed me.

Second thing would be to conjure up a really nice cuppa to drink whilst watching the fun.

'sex is for babies'
:eek: :p

:eek: :p

Errr... I might have worded that better....

If you're a god have at it. Could be amusing, to avoid potential problems with the peons I suggest altering their memories.

No no... screwing with their tiny minds is half the fun for a god. :)

Get rid of evil and stuff... Nah, that's boring.

I'd run the world like an Empire Earth scenario editor and stage huge mock battles, chuckling at medieval knights fighting hover tanks.

Errr... I might have worded that better....
haha...I think it was worded perfectly. I can just see the kids out on the playground, taunting their friend "haha...you had seeeex. Sex is for babies!"

haha...I think it was worded perfectly. I can just see the kids out on the playground, taunting their friend "haha...you had seeeex. Sex is for babies!"

It might just work...

1: Smite Bon Jovi
2: Deny hamsters existance
3: Make random major stuff disappear and reappear randomly just to mess with teh mere mortals......e.g swap over the Eiffel tower and Statue of Liberty or replace the pyramids with Tesco's.

Though I'd probably just do no.1 and see the world is alright again:p

Since you'll be God and all, I guess I'll leave it up to you to decide who might be best. As long as you promise ahead of time you wont play practical jokes. No Rosanne Barrs or Laura Schlessingers calling me at all hours please.

Then, because I am a generous god, her:

http://img285.imageshack.us/img285/7366/ourae4ua.jpg

I'd bring back the dinosaurs. They're so cool.

I create Martians and Venusians. Martians would be all female, Venusians all male. Take that John Gray!

I'd also move the stars around in the milky way so that they spell out, "The Atheists are right: There is no me!"

I'd get HR to transfer my salary on time every time. :mad:

Well, I'd take a bit of this paunch off of my stomach, and then I'd sit back and relax. I do what my predecessor has done for the past 2k years: chill.

I'd create an Army of 50 million Kim Jong Il clones loyal only to me, The Dear Leader of all Dear Leaders, with which to invade Asia.
Why take over Asia when I am already the divine ruler of everything? I just want to watch the heads of everyone in North Korea explode when they see my hordes come marching up from South Korea (the starting point of my invasion).

I'd write 'Showtime!' in the stars.

I'd create an Army of 50 million Kim Jong Il clones loyal only to me, The Dear Leader of all Dear Leaders, with which to invade Asia.
Why take over Asia when I am already the divine ruler of everything? I just want to watch the heads of everyone in North Korea explode when they see my hordes come marching up from South Korea (the starting point of my invasion).

You forget the second most important rule of all: Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Quick instant and painless armageddon

You forget the second most important rule of all: Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Hovering Kim Jong Il clones?

Hovering Kim Jong Il clones?

It's not Kim Jong Il can mimic the Daleks... :p

Hit reset.

I'd get HR to transfer my salary on time every time. :mad:
That's something beyond even God's powers.

I would put out all the forum fires on the great Intarweb, and make it so that no forum fires would ever start again. :)

Make fundies into world leaders.

You forget the second most important rule of all: Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
Worked for Attila the Hun and Stalin, and if there was ever a man who was the perfect hybrid of those too figures, it was certainly not me.
However, if I call myself "Stalila" and use a healthy amount of god-power to cheat, I can probably pull it off.

Worked for Attila the Hun and Stalin, and if there was ever a man who was the perfect hybrid of those too figures, it was certainly not me.
However, if I call myself "Stalila" and use a healthy amount of god-power to cheat, I can probably pull it off.

It was a ref to The Princess Bride. *thwap* :p

Make fundies into world leaders.

EDIT: Kill the Hoff.

EDIT: Kill the Hoff.

You can't kill the Hoff. He is unstoppable.

http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/6812/hasselhoff1hq.gif

I'd give you a pocket dimension. And televise it.

Deal. :)

Give them right back. Between the rabid atheists and the nutballs slaughtering innocent people in my name I would rather put them in hands that would be a little more... steady than mine. I would probably do something drastic.
That and absolute, immutable power would be boring. Now if I had dominion over a specific sphere of influence, then we'd be talking.

Give them right back. Between the rabid atheists and the nutballs slaughtering innocent people in my name I would rather put them in hands that would be a little more... steady than mine. I would probably do something drastic.
That and absolute, immutable power would be boring. Now if I had dominion over a specific sphere of influence, then we'd be talking.

It's kind of hard to be an atheist when several angels fly down from the heavens and pelt you with pies for an hour and a half. :)

It's kind of hard to be an atheist when several angels fly down from the heavens and pelt you with pies for an hour and a half. :)
Yeah, but Jesus totally tried that with bread AND fish and we all see how that worked out.

Okay, now. You become Almighty. You are the new God. What is the first thing you do with your powers? now, I have given this a lot of thought and have developed quite a list, but I'm only interested in the FIRST thing you do.

I would make it so that both men and women can become pregnant. And I wouldn't tell anybody. :D

First thing I'd do? Halt time and take a nap.