NationStates Jolt Archive

Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked,
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing:
"Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning:
"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead:
"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe:
"With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster racecourse took Brough Scott's breath away...
"My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said:
"They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:
"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
That would be Murray Mexted. A fine purveyor of 'foot-in-mouth'ism.
A few more of Murray's better ones:

"You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that."

"The turf here (Newlands) never took properly and it isn't very well rooted...in fact you could say it is rooted.....did I just say that?"

"Spencer's running across field calling out, 'Come inside me, come inside me'."

"He's looking for some meaningful penetration into the backline."

"I can tell you it's a magnificent sensation when the gap opens up like that and you just burst right through."

"I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him"

"Darryl Gibson has been quite magnificent coming inside Andrew Mehrtens, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the same today."

"There's nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside."

"Everybody knows that I have been pumping Martin Leslie for a couple of seasons now."


And here's some from a few other people:
Alan Minter - "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."

Murray Walker- "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

Greg Norman- "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my Father and Mother."

Winston Bennett- "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

Metro Radio- "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field "

David Acfield - "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang in the air for even longer."

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics- "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

Almost forgot the all-time classic gaff:
Brian Johnston - "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

Good times, good times. :)

A few from Dennis Cometti (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Cometti), deliberate remarks, but funny nonetheless.

"Scotty Cummings alone in the square, jumping up and down and waving his arms like they're playing My Sharona"

"(Jeff) Farmer may have an injury to his calf........hmmm, a farmer with a calf problem."

"Barlow to Bateman. The Hawks are attacking alphabetically..."

"The Magpies ought to be kicking themselves right now, but with their luck, they'd probably miss."

"A couple of big touches from Clive Waterhouse, who was battling up until about 5 minutes ago, in danger of becoming Clive Waterboy."