NationStates Jolt Archive

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?


Does he have a girlfriend?

Does he have a girlfriend?

no?

You'd think that would be possible, wouldn't you, just being friends after the "feelings" have reared their collectively ugly heads? Doesn't really work, though. And it seems somehow to be much worse for men, poor devils.

People are crazy.

Yes, girls and guys can be just friends.
Yes, you can go back to friendship after having had deeper feelings.... but that depends on so many factors that it is almost impossible. I've seen it once.

no?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Of course it is possible for girls and boys to be friends. But you knew that already.

SOME girls and SOME boys are not capable of friendship with members of the opposite sex. Some people are so hung up on gender that they can't figure out how to care about a member of the opposite sex in a non-sexual way. These people miss out on a lot of the best relationships they might have had.

They also tend to be the people who understand the least about themselves and the people in their lives, since they hold a lot of bizarre assumptions about how "men" and "women" must be. They tend to project their personal hangups onto everybody else, and assume that because they are incapable of platonic relationships then everybody else must be likewise handicapped.

As for being friends after you've also been romantic with each other, that's quite possible too. It just depends on you and the person involved. I have past lovers who are now my friends, and I feel that my life is the richer for it. I have friends who I once had romantic feelings for, but never acted upon those feelings. Of course, I also have former friends who let romantic complications ruin our friendship. It's all about how you choose to deal with your feelings, and how they choose to deal with theirs.

Do you have a boyfriend?

I can see where your going with this. I don't want to enter into a relationship right now. And I kinda need to fancy someone to be with them. I'm shallow.

He knew perfectly well I didnt want to be in a relationship when we met, I made that very clear.
God damn confusing emotions!!!

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

Guys ( especially younger ones ), being more hormone driven, have real problems with separating sexual desire from their relationships with women. It was only within the last few years that I have been able to remain friends with women to whom I was attracted. If you're not willing to consider the possibility of a romantic relationship with a male friend, then what he did was actually a favor to you.

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...


He sounds like a self-involved, overly emo wanker. Acknowledge and move on.

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

Some people can, some people can't.

Um, and ask him out, or something.

It's all about how you choose to deal with your feelings, and how they choose to deal with theirs.

Guess he can't be around me, which just sucks ass!

*shrug* some of my best friends are women, I have no romantic interest in them what so ever.

Of course, I think this is something that gets easier as one matures...you said you just started university so I'm guessing he's around 17-18? I think as one gets older (especially for men) it becomes easier to draw that distinction. I have no problems viewing my female friends as just that, friends.

Guys ( especially younger ones ), being more hormone driven, have real problems with separating sexual desire from their relationships with women. It was only within the last few years that I have been able to remain friends with women to whom I was attracted. If you're not willing to consider the possibility of a romantic relationship with a male friend, then what he did was actually a favor to you.

I did consider it, but its not what I want...can't blame me for that one...but I dont see how he's done me a favour?

I can see where your going with this. I don't want to enter into a relationship right now. And I kinda need to fancy someone to be with them. I'm shallow.

He knew perfectly well I didnt want to be in a relationship when we met, I made that very clear.
God damn confusing emotions!!!

Actually, no.

I was suggesting that someone might have gotten jealous and warned him off.

But it's interesting that you're thinking along those lines. ;)

I can see where your going with this. I don't want to enter into a relationship right now. And I kinda need to fancy someone to be with them. I'm shallow.

Yeah, it's so shallow of you to only date people when you want to date them! Shame on you! :D


He knew perfectly well I didnt want to be in a relationship when we met, I made that very clear.
God damn confusing emotions!!!
What confuses you, exactly? It seems pretty simple to me, but I'm not in the situation...

It sounds like you're quite clear about how you feel. You want to have this fellow as a friend, but you don't want to date him. He wants to date you, and doesn't want to be your friend. That sucks, of course, but it's not really confusing, is it?

*shrug* some of my best friends are women, I have no romantic interest in them what so ever.

Of course, I think this is something that gets easier as one matures...you said you just started university so I'm guessing he's around 17-18? I think as one gets older (especially for men) it becomes easier to draw that distinction. I have no problems viewing my female friends as just that, friends.

He's 23, im 21.

If you're not willing to consider the possibility of a romantic relationship with a male friend, then what he did was actually a favor to you.
Why is it "doing her a favor" for her to lose a friend?

Actually, no.

I was suggesting that someone might have gotten jealous and warned him off.

But it's interesting that you're thinking along those lines. ;)

Like I said I did consider it. I'm good single right now.

I can see where your going with this. I don't want to enter into a relationship right now. And I kinda need to fancy someone to be with them. I'm shallow.

He knew perfectly well I didnt want to be in a relationship when we met, I made that very clear.
God damn confusing emotions!!!

Oh, well then, it's probably for the best.

He's 23, im 21.

OK, well then that blows that theory straight to hell.

Yes, girls and guys can be just friends.
Yes, you can go back to friendship after having had deeper feelings.... but that depends on so many factors that it is almost impossible. I've seen it once.

Sounds like a bad episode of Friends........mind you, I'm struggling to think of a good episode

Yeah, it's so shallow of you to only date people when you want to date them! Shame on you! :D


What confuses you, exactly? It seems pretty simple to me, but I'm not in the situation...

It sounds like you're quite clear about how you feel. You want to have this fellow as a friend, but you don't want to date him. He wants to date you, and doesn't want to be your friend. That sucks, of course, but it's not really confusing, is it?

I meant 'confusing emotions' in a sense that they've obviously confused things in this situation. I'm not confused by my emotions, I know what I want. He is obviously finding it hard though. Thats what I meant. I wish the emtions werent there for him.

Sounds like a bad episode of Friends........mind you, I'm struggling to think of a good episode

LOL!

Why is it "doing her a favor" for her to lose a friend?

I wouldn't say it's a "favour", but I can see Eutrusca's point; it's probably less troublesome in the end this way. If Peeland's friend breaks it off himself, maybe he doesn't want to have to deal with a crush that won't ever be reciprocated, or maybe he feels guilty that he can't see her as just a friend anymore, and doesn't want to watch it deteriorate into a trainwreck slowly.

I know i've been in that situation more than once, and it's not much fun.

I meant 'confusing emotions' in a sense that they've obviously confused things in this situation. I'm not confused by my emotions, I know what I want. He is obviously finding it hard though. Thats what I meant. I wish the emtions werent there for him.
Ahhhhhh. Gotcha.

At least he's communicating with you about it. I've seen some guys (and some girls) just start treating their friend/crush like shit for no apparent reason, because they can't figure out how to tell their friend/crush about how they feel. That ends up even worse.

I wouldn't say it's a "favour", but I can see Eutrusca's point; it's probably less troublesome in the end this way. If Peeland's friend breaks it off himself, maybe he doesn't want to have to deal with a crush that won't ever be reciprocated, or maybe he feels guilty that he can't see her as just a friend anymore, and doesn't want to watch it deteriorate into a trainwreck slowly.

I know i've been in that situation more than once, and it's not much fun.

:(

I did consider it, but its not what I want...can't blame me for that one...but I dont see how he's done me a favour?

Because now at least you won't have to be dealing with his constant hitting on you. See how that works? :)

Ahhhhhh. Gotcha.

At least he's communicating with you about it. I've seen some guys (and some girls) just start treating their friend/crush like shit for no apparent reason, because they can't figure out how to tell their friend/crush about how they feel. That ends up even worse.

Yeah, I guess...but at the end of the day he's still buggered off. Seems stupid, but then I guess people have differing points of view on stuff. I'm quite black and white, if you get on then just get on with it. But I guess the feelings arent mine.

I'd understand it more if we went out and I was pulling guys left right and centre, but I'm not. I'm not even interested in looking for a guy.

Meh!

I wouldn't say it's a "favour", but I can see Eutrusca's point; it's probably less troublesome in the end this way. If Peeland's friend breaks it off himself, maybe he doesn't want to have to deal with a crush that won't ever be reciprocated, or maybe he feels guilty that he can't see her as just a friend anymore, and doesn't want to watch it deteriorate into a trainwreck slowly.

I know i've been in that situation more than once, and it's not much fun.
I guess it was Eut's choice of wording that confused me.

I agree that the guy is doing everybody a favor by admitting how he feels, and admitting that he just can't deal with being friends at the moment. I can understand how maybe it would be uncomfortable to try to be friendly with somebody when you have persistent romantic thoughts about them.

But Eut said, "If you're not willing to consider the possibility of a romantic relationship with a male friend, then what he did was actually a favor to you." (Bold mine)

What does that have to do with it? Why should her willingness to consider a relationship with a male friend have anything to do with it? Does that mean that lesbians should never get to have male friends, since they aren't willing to consider having relationships with men?

:(
He might get in touch again when he's over it.

Why is it "doing her a favor" for her to lose a friend?

He knew that he would be unable to resist constantly hitting on her, so he did her a favor by not remaining in what, for him, would be a frustrating situation. :p

Because now at least you won't have to be dealing with his constant hitting on you. See how that works? :)

He wouldnt 'hit' on me. He was just a good friend and very considerate. I think I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm quite far from my closest friends. 1 has moved to France and the others a 3 hour drive away. Now it just feels like Ive lost another and I have no one here to talk too.

I'd understand it more if we went out and I was pulling guys left right and centre, but I'm not. I'm not even interested in looking for a guy.

Meh!

That likely only makes it worse for him.

Yeah, I guess...but at the end of the day he's still buggered off. Seems stupid, but then I guess people have differing points of view on stuff. I'm quite black and white, if you get on then just get on with it. But I guess the feelings arent mine.

Doesn't it suck when other people aren't as cool as you are? This is a common complaint of mine.


I'd understand it more if we went out and I was pulling guys left right and centre, but I'm not. I'm not even interested in looking for a guy.

Meh!
Meh indeed. Give it time, as well. There have been times when I was sure I'd lost a friend for good, but later things worked out and we mended our relationship. It doesn't always go that way, but sometimes it does. Maybe it will for you.

He wouldnt 'hit' on me. He was just a good friend and very considerate. I think I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm quite far from my closest friends. 1 has moved to France and the others a 3 hour drive away. Now it just feels like Ive lost another and I have no one here to talk too.

Count your blessings. Ever had a guy constantly hit on you even though you had told him repeatedly that you weren't interested? Same thing.

That likely only makes it worse for him.

It makes it worse that I'm not pulling guys infront of him? Like I'm a free agent and 'available' or something?

I guess it was Eut's choice of wording that confused me.

I agree that the guy is doing everybody a favor by admitting how he feels, and admitting that he just can't deal with being friends at the moment. I can understand how maybe it would be uncomfortable to try to be friendly with somebody when you have persistent romantic thoughts about them.

But Eut said, "If you're not willing to consider the possibility of a romantic relationship with a male friend, then what he did was actually a favor to you." (Bold mine)

What does that have to do with it? Why should her willingness to consider a relationship with a male friend have anything to do with it? Does that mean that lesbians should never get to have male friends, since they aren't willing to consider having relationships with men?

Oh, well, I don't agree with that part of his statement, because it's certainly not true in all cases. I'm sure some guys see all of their female friends as potential "targets" but i'd like to think that most don't.

But overall, I can see how it would be better off in the long run like this (at least from one perspective).

Doesn't it suck when other people aren't as cool as you are? This is a common complaint of mine.


Meh indeed. Give it time, as well. There have been times when I was sure I'd lost a friend for good, but later things worked out and we mended our relationship. It doesn't always go that way, but sometimes it does. Maybe it will for you.

Why didnt we talk much before?!

And thanks, I guess I pretty much knew what the situation was all about, I just wanted to get other peoples opinions and experiences. I'm quite a flirty person, maybe I should stop that.

I can see where your going with this. I don't want to enter into a relationship right now. And I kinda need to fancy someone to be with them. I'm shallow.

He knew perfectly well I didnt want to be in a relationship when we met, I made that very clear.
God damn confusing emotions!!!
He might not have realised exactly hopw you felt - people see things funny through rose tinted glasses. Or he might have hoped you would change your mind. Or he might have come to these feelings recently.

Some people can have friends of the opposite sex, some of my best friends are girls (i'm a guy). But it would be inappropriate for me to have a female friend who had strong romantic feelings to me, or vice versa as it puts one person in a position of power and hurts the other when their feelings are not recrepricotated.

His response was really sensible - he wants more, you don't. If you start dating someone it will be bad for him, and with you on the scene he can't easily move on. He realised he could not give you an honest friendship and that trying would hurt you both in the long run and so broke it off.

I'm not saying you should feel bad either, or that you should date him. But I think this might be one to accept as a friendship that never got off the ground.

Just be glad you found out now rather than in 5 years time.

It makes it worse that I'm not pulling guys infront of him? Like I'm a free agent and 'available' or something?

Yep! Guys have extreme difficulty dealing with what goes on with a woman to whom they are sexually attracted. It's a fact of life. But I don't necessarily agree that it would be "worse" for him if you DIDN'T date other guys. Either way, he loses: jealousy if you do, frustration if you don't.

He might not have realised exactly hopw you felt - people see things funny through rose tinted glasses. Or he might have hoped you would change your mind. Or he might have come to these feelings recently.

Some people can have friends of the opposite sex, some of my best friends are girls (i'm a guy). But it would be inappropriate for me to have a female friend who had strong romantic feelings to me, or vice versa as it puts one person in a position of power and hurts the other when their feelings are not recrepricotated.

His response was really sensible - he wants more, you don't. If you start dating someone it will be bad for him, and with you on the scene he can't easily move on. He realised he could not give you an honest friendship and that trying would hurt you both in the long run and so broke it off.

I'm not saying you should feel bad either, or that you should date him. But I think this might be one to accept as a friendship that never got off the ground.

Just be glad you found out now rather than in 5 years time.

Exactly! Good explication. :)

It makes it worse that I'm not pulling guys infront of him? Like I'm a free agent and 'available' or something?

Hmmm....I wouldn't put it that way, but he probably wouldn't be interested if you were in a serious relationship.

Why didnt we talk much before?!

:D


And thanks, I guess I pretty much knew what the situation was all about, I just wanted to get other peoples opinions and experiences.

Sometimes I find that I just want to hear other people tell me what I already know. It helps reassure me that I'm not nuts. Or that if I am nuts, then a whole lot of people are nuts along with me. Either way, good times.


I'm quite a flirty person, maybe I should stop that.
Hell no. Flirts make the world a better place. It always bums me out when people get "punished" for flirty behavior, because I want MORE FLIRTING, DAMMIT!!!

I'm telling you, it will solve so many problems. If everybody spent like 2 hours a day flirting, that would be 2 hours less time to be fighting wars or yelling at each other about gay marriage or forcing their kids to eat their spinach. The world would be a happier place.

He wouldnt 'hit' on me. He was just a good friend and very considerate. I think I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm quite far from my closest friends. 1 has moved to France and the others a 3 hour drive away. Now it just feels like Ive lost another and I have no one here to talk too.

So you're perfectly willing to keep him in a constant state of frustration just so you can have a friend? Hmmm. Doesn't sound like a very good friendship to me. :(

He might not have realised exactly hopw you felt - people see things funny through rose tinted glasses. Or he might have hoped you would change your mind. Or he might have come to these feelings recently.

Some people can have friends of the opposite sex, some of my best friends are girls (i'm a guy). But it would be inappropriate for me to have a female friend who had strong romantic feelings to me, or vice versa as it puts one person in a position of power and hurts the other when their feelings are not recrepricotated.

His response was really sensible - he wants more, you don't. If you start dating someone it will be bad for him, and with you on the scene he can't easily move on. He realised he could not give you an honest friendship and that trying would hurt you both in the long run and so broke it off.

I'm not saying you should feel bad either, or that you should date him. But I think this might be one to accept as a friendship that never got off the ground.

Just be glad you found out now rather than in 5 years time.

Have we met? ;) ha ha, oh dear not appropriate.

But a lot of what you said just there makes sense to me. And it makes me think he's actually been quite mature about it. Still doesnt make me feel better about it, I have a lot of guy friends and it's not happened before.

But it would be inappropriate for me to have a female friend who had strong romantic feelings to me, or vice versa as it puts one person in a position of power and hurts the other when their feelings are not recrepricotated.


i was in this situation for some time during last year. I was the one in power, and it sucked. i guess i should have been more clear in the beginning.
oh well it's another lesson learned i think.

:D


Sometimes I find that I just want to hear other people tell me what I already know. It helps reassure me that I'm not nuts. Or that if I am nuts, then a whole lot of people are nuts along with me. Either way, good times.


Hell no. Flirts make the world a better place. It always bums me out when people get "punished" for flirty behavior, because I want MORE FLIRTING, DAMMIT!!!

I'm telling you, it will solve so many problems. If everybody spent like 2 hours a day flirting, that would be 2 hours less time to be fighting wars or yelling at each other about gay marriage or forcing their kids to eat their spinach. The world would be a happier place.

Flirting is not an end in itself. How old did you say you are, Bottle? Surely you know by now that guys always want more! :p

So you're perfectly willing to keep him in a constant state of frustration just so you can have a friend? Hmmm. Doesn't sound like a very good friendship to me. :(

Well thats what im asking...is it possible to go back from feeling like that about someone...because I dont want to lose his friendship. I'm not saying I want to make him feel shit constantly. If you get on with someone that well it doesnt make sense to me to just drop the friendship because you cant have what you want.

How old did you say you are, Bottle? Surely you know by now that guys always want more! :p
Aye, some guys want more, sometimes, just as some girls do. So do I, sometimes. But flirting can be fun for its own sake. Maybe I'll show you how it's done sometime...;)

... it makes me think he's actually been quite mature about it. Still doesnt make me feel better about it, I have a lot of guy friends and it's not happened before.

He has been. And this may sound rather harsh, but the only reason you've had "guy friends" who haven't hit on you is because they're not sexually attracted to you. OR, they're hoping that by being friends first, they will lhave the inside track on becoming more than friends with you.

He has been. And this may sound rather harsh, but the only reason you've had "guy friends" who haven't hit on you is because they're not sexually attracted to you. OR, they're hoping that by being friends first, they will lhave the inside track on becoming more than friends with you.

....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Aye, some guys want more, sometimes, just as some girls do. So do I, sometimes. But flirting can be fun for its own sake. Maybe I'll show you how it's done sometime...;)

HA! Hon, I seriously doubt there's ANYTHING you can show me that I don't already know! :p

I love to flirt too, but it's almost always with the expectation or hope that something will come of it! Heh!

He has been. And this may sound rather harsh, but the only reason you've had "guy friends" who haven't hit on you is because they're not sexually attracted to you. OR, they're hoping that by being friends first, they will lhave the inside track on becoming more than friends with you.

Or they are sexually attracted to you, but they don't want to be in a relationship with you. Or they are sexually attracted to you, but don't want to be in a relationship with anybody at the moment. Or they are sexually attracted to you, but would rather be friends for any number of reasons.

Guys come in more flavors than you seem to credit, Eut. :D

....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Sorry if you don't agree, but that only serves to illustrate your own lack of insight on this topic. Sorry. :p

He has been. And this may sound rather harsh, but the only reason you've had "guy friends" who haven't hit on you is because they're not sexually attracted to you. OR, they're hoping that by being friends first, they will lhave the inside track on becoming more than friends with you.

I should hope they havent had sexual feelings for me, that wouldn't be good!

Or they are sexually attracted to you, but they don't want to be in a relationship with you. Or they are sexually attracted to you, but don't want to be in a relationship with anybody at the moment. Or they are sexually attracted to you, but would rather be friends for any number of reasons.

Guys come in more flavors than you seem to credit, Eut. :D

LMAO! Uh huh. Guys with low or no sex drive come in those "flavors." :p

I should hope they havent had sexual feelings for me, that wouldn't be good!

LOL! Uh huh. I would be willing to bet my next year's pay that at least SOME of them have been secretly panting over you for a long time. :D

LOL! Uh huh. I would be willing to bet my next year's pay that at least SOME of them have been secretly panting over you for a long time. :D

I would take that as a compliment but you don't know what I look like! I doubt they have. They're just friends.

That would also make me think that guys and girls can be friends, but what your saying is that half of them if not more have an alterior motive!

Sorry if you don't agree, but that only serves to illustrate your own lack of insight on this topic. Sorry. :p
Or it means that Kanabia (like myself) has met plenty of men who don't fit with what you are describing.

It's fine to describe how you, personally, view the world. But it's a bit silly to pretend like all men are going to view things the same way simply because they're male. You may only be able to be friends with women you aren't sexually attracted to, but other men don't work that way. I've been close friends with several men that share a sexual attraction with me, and who have decided to remain my friends rather than try to be "something more," so that's pretty much all the insight I require to know that what you said isn't entirely accurate.

Sorry if you don't agree, but that only serves to illustrate your own lack of insight on this topic. Sorry. :p

Well, last I checked, I still had my testicles attached to me.

Also, last I checked, I had quite the number of female friends I consider attractive, but don't want to be in a relationship with.

I would take that as a compliment but you don't know what I look like! I doubt they have. They're just friends.

( To quote Kanabia ) Riiiiiight! :p

Well, last I checked, I still had my testicles attached to me.

Also, last I checked, I had quite the number of female friends I consider attractive, but don't want to be in a relationship with.

What can I say, dude? I'm not talking about a "relationship." I'm talking about sex. I have seen very, very few men over the years who are willing to be in any sort of "friendship" relationship with a woman to whom they are attracted without wanting more from them. Go ahead ... prove me wrong.

LMAO! Uh huh. Guys with low or no sex drive come in those "flavors." :p
Again, not true. You seem to have a very low opinion of guys, and it's one that I cannot share.

My experience with the fellows in my life has shown me that men can be both horny and honorable at the same time. They can have a high sex drive while still valuing friendship. They can feel very strong physical attraction but still value their (platonic) relationship with a female friend more. Guys are as capable of being selective about their mates as girls are, and their criteria are not always exclusively about their dicks.

If the men in your life have never demonstrated this for you, then I am honestly sorry to hear that. I've been fortunate to know a lot of really cool guys, and I wish everybody could have that experience.

Or it means that Kanabia (like myself) has met plenty of men who don't fit with what you are describing.

It's fine to describe how you, personally, view the world. But it's a bit silly to pretend like all men are going to view things the same way simply because they're male. You may only be able to be friends with women you aren't sexually attracted to, but other men don't work that way. I've been close friends with several men that share a sexual attraction with me, and who have decided to remain my friends rather than try to be "something more," so that's pretty much all the insight I require to know that what you said isn't entirely accurate.

Tsk! I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree on this, but being in any sort of "relationship" with a woman to whom the man is attracted is a serious source of frustration.

What can I say, dude? I'm not talking about a "relationship." I'm talking about sex. I have seen very, very few men over the years who are willing to be in any sort of "friendship" relationship with a woman to whom they are attracted without wanting more from them. Go ahead ... prove me wrong.
I could introduce you to pretty much any male friend I had in college, and it would prove you wrong. We were all horny beasts who were attracted to each other constantly, but most of us never hooked up in any form because we prefered our friendship. I have plenty of male friends who've admitted to sharing feelings of sexual attraction with me, but we decided not to act on them.

Maybe this is a generational thing? Perhaps in your generation girls and guys don't get to have that kind of relationship, but in mine it's actually pretty common and normal.

Again, not true. You seem to have a very low opinion of guys, and it's one that I cannot share.

My experience with the fellows in my life has shown me that men can be both horny and honorable at the same time. They can have a high sex drive while still valuing friendship. They can feel very strong physical attraction but still value their (platonic) relationship with a female friend more. Guys are as capable of being selective about their mates as girls are, and their criteria are not always exclusively about their dicks.

If the men in your life have never demonstrated this for you, then I am honestly sorry to hear that. I've been fortunate to know a lot of really cool guys, and I wish everybody could have that experience.

Woah! Back up! How on earth is it "dishonorable" to be sexually attracted to someone??? WTF is up w'dat???

Again, not true. You seem to have a very low opinion of guys, and it's one that I cannot share.

My experience with the fellows in my life has shown me that men can be both horny and honorable at the same time. They can have a high sex drive while still valuing friendship. They can feel very strong physical attraction but still value their (platonic) relationship with a female friend more. Guys are as capable of being selective about their mates as girls are, and their criteria are not always exclusively about their dicks.

If the men in your life have never demonstrated this for you, then I am honestly sorry to hear that. I've been fortunate to know a lot of really cool guys, and I wish everybody could have that experience.

Speaking of horny, I've had it for about a month now, its doing my head in!

This is turning into some sort of man debate. I know a lot of nice guys, one that told me how he felt before I moved away and we're still friends now, we talk and he's quite open about how he feels about me, but I think the distance helps.

Maybe this is a generational thing? Perhaps in your generation girls and guys don't get to have that kind of relationship, but in mine it's actually pretty common and normal.

Now THAT may be true! What with the radical feminists and simple flirtation having become somehow "sexual harrassment," younger men now may indeed be more restrained around women to whom they are attracted.

I could introduce you to pretty much any male friend I had in college, and it would prove you wrong. We were all horny beasts who were attracted to each other constantly, but most of us never hooked up in any form because we prefered our friendship. I have plenty of male friends who've admitted to sharing feelings of sexual attraction with me, but we decided not to act on them.

Maybe this is a generational thing? Perhaps in your generation girls and guys don't get to have that kind of relationship, but in mine it's actually pretty common and normal.

What is your generation? How old are you?

Tsk! I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree on this, but being in any sort of "relationship" with a woman to whom the man is attracted is a serious source of frustration.
"Frustration" isn't always a problem. Sometimes it can be a sweet torment. Some people can enjoy it a great deal.

One of my friends described it as how some people like really spicy food, so spicy that it burns and kind of hurts. Other people don't have a taste for it. It just depends on who you are, I guess.

What can I say, dude? I'm not talking about a "relationship." I'm talking about sex. I have seen very, very few men over the years who are willing to be in any sort of "friendship" relationship with a woman to whom they are attracted without wanting more from them. Go ahead ... prove me wrong.

I can't "prove" anything, since we're talking about personal feelings on my part. All I can say is that i'd rather have a friendship for life than a one night stand that destroys a friendship. I don't care how attractive they are in that instance.

"Frustration" isn't always a problem. Sometimes it can be a sweet torment. Some people can enjoy it a great deal.

One of my friends described it as how some people like really spicy food, so spicy that it burns and kind of hurts. Other people don't have a taste for it. It just depends on who you are, I guess.

It depends upon how masochistic you are! Heh!

....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

It's not like guys don't hit on women they're friends with, you know. I think I've told you before that the vast majority of my male 'friends' have hit on me at some stage. :(

Woah! Back up! How on earth is it "dishonorable" to be sexually attracted to someone??? WTF is up w'dat???
I didn't say it was. I simply said that it's quite possible for a guy with a high sex drive to also come in the "flavors" I mentioned. You're the one suggesting that men can't be horny and also friendly at the same time.

I can't "prove" anything, since we're talking about personal feelings on my part. All I can say is that i'd rather have a friendship for life than a one night stand that destroys a friendship. I don't care how attractive they are in that instance.

Then that may be part of the "generational thing" that Bottle mentioned. I honestly don't know. All I can speak from is my experience with the frustration I've seen other men go through, and sometimes my own. I will usually avoid a woman to whom I'm attracted but who isn't attracted to me. ( shrug )

Now THAT may be true! What with the radical feminists and simple flirtation having become somehow "sexual harrassment," younger men now may indeed be more restrained around women to whom they are attracted.

Pardon me Eut, but some of the "simple flirtation" i've seen you partake in on this site would certainly warrant a slap from the party on the other end. I can't fault them for that. ;)

I didn't say it was. I simply said that it's quite possible for a guy with a high sex drive to also come in the "flavors" I mentioned. You're the one suggesting that men can't be horny and also friendly at the same time.

Seems we are misinterpreting each other a bit. I never indicated that "men can't be horny and also friendly." If that were true, most workplaces would be the source of considerable conflict. :p

Pardon me Eut, but some of the "simple flirtation" i've seen you partake in on this site would certainly warrant a slap from the party on the other end. I can't fault them for that. ;)

Not to put too fine a point on it, but utter bullshit. :p

Now THAT may be true! What with the radical feminists and simple flirtation having become somehow "sexual harrassment," younger men now may indeed be more restrained around women to whom they are attracted.
I don't think that's it, so much as it's that girls and guys don't grow up with as much of the gendered BS standing between them. Girls and guys share much more these days, and so they aren't strangers to each other as much as has been the case in other generations. Girls aren't just alien creatures to be wooed and bought with pretty jewels, they're classmates and friends and companions and partners and peers. When guys grow up seeing girls as individuals and peers, they usually find it easier to form meaningful friendships with girls. They usually find it easier to communicate with girls and to relate to how girls are feeling (since they realize that girls are PEOPLE just like them!). All of this can help to make male-female platonic relationships more solid and more able to withstand the onslaught of hormones. :D

What is your generation? How old are you?
I'm but a whipper-snapper compared to good ol' Eut. The girls on my school bus in elementary school had New Kids On The Block lunch boxes. :D

I don't think that's it, so much as it's that girls and guys don't grow up with as much of the gendered BS standing between them. Girls and guys share much more these days, and so they aren't strangers to each other as much as has been the case in other generations. Girls aren't just alien creatures to be wooed and bought with pretty jewels, they're classmates and friends and companions and partners and peers. When guys grow up seeing girls as individuals and peers, they usually find it easier to form meaningful friendships with girls. They usually find it easier to communicate with girls and to relate to how girls are feeling (since they realize that girls are PEOPLE just like them!). All of this can help to make male-female platonic relationships more solid and more able to withstand the onslaught of hormones. :D

Geeze! You really have a low opinion of me, don't ya! Sigh. :(

I'm but a whipper-snapper compared to good ol' Eut. The girls on my school bus in elementary school had New Kids On The Block lunch boxes. :D

So I gather you're in your early 20s?

Sorry to go totally off topic but they just had the word 'Mingiest' on countdown...I'm sure thats rude!

Sorry to go totally off topic but they just had the word 'Mingiest' on countdown...I'm sure thats rude!

I love that word! lol :D

Then that may be part of the "generational thing" that Bottle mentioned. I honestly don't know. All I can speak from is my experience with the frustration I've seen other men go through, and sometimes my own. I will usually avoid a woman to whom I'm attracted but who isn't attracted to me. ( shrug )
You may do this, but many men do not. I don't see what's hard to understand about that.

Some men can't handle being attracted to a woman and yet not having a relationship with her. Some men can. Some women can't handle being around a guy they're hot for unless they get to date him. Some women can.

People come in different flavors. Some horny blokes are perfectly comfortable having platonic relationships with women they're attracted to (I'm friends with several such!), while others aren't. Some blokes with low sex drives can't handle being in a platonic relationship with a woman they feel attracted to, while some can. It's not about sex drive so much as it's about individual personality.

So I gather you're in your early 20s?

Like me? Or a bit older!

I love that word! lol :D

How come you arrive when the smut is inserted!

Like me? Or a bit older!

Well, the New Kids were popular in the late '80s.

Well, the New Kids were popular in the late '80s.

I was in my first years then so maybe a little older!

Geeze! You really have a low opinion of me, don't ya! Sigh. :(
Not really. As I said, it's probably a generational thing. You seem to hold a lot of (pardon me for saying) out-dated notions about gender and men and women. I don't think you're stupid or crazy or mean, so I assume you have a good reason for holding these beliefs. One possibility is that you've lived most of your life in a world where just about everybody else believed the same things, and in which most people probably acted according to such gender roles. So it would be reasonable for you to have these ideas about what it means to be a man or a woman, even if those rules don't really apply any more.

How come you arrive when the smut is inserted!

"Heh-heh...she said 'inserted'..."

"YEAH! Yeah, she did! I heard it!"

"Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh..."

http://www.wisopinion.com/blogs/uploaded_images/BeavisButthead-711924.jpg

You may do this, but many men do not. I don't see what's hard to understand about that.

Some men can't handle being attracted to a woman and yet not having a relationship with her. Some men can. Some women can't handle being around a guy they're hot for unless they get to date him. Some women can.

People come in different flavors. Some horny blokes are perfectly comfortable having platonic relationships with women they're attracted to (I'm friends with several such!), while others aren't. Some blokes with low sex drives can't handle being in a platonic relationship with a woman they feel attracted to, while some can. It's not about sex drive so much as it's about individual personality.

I disagree .... somewhat. In the world I've grown up in, guys who are sexually attracted to women and who have normal or above sex drives, either remain in a constant state of frustration or leave the "relationship," as this particular guy did. I admire him for that. I suspect there may indeed be generational differences here, but they come at a cost. :p

Yes, of course guys and girls can be friends. As with most things, it just depends on the individuals involved. Some people won't be able to get past their romantic feelings, and some would rather have a friendship than nothing at all. That's how I see it, anyway. A number of my friends have admitted to having feelings for me at one point or another, and with just a few exceptions I've been able to remain friends with all of them. One I'm no longer friends with because of something completely unrelated, and the other two are no longer my friends by their choice, not mine. They decided, like your friend, that if they couldn't date me they didn't want any relationship with me at all. Which sucks, frankly, but they both know that they can get back in touch with me if they want to.

Also, yes it's possible to be friends with someone after having deeper feelings for them. Again though, it really depends on the person. I'm still friends with most of my exes, because we cared enough about each other to want to maintain a friendship. It can be awkward at first, but it is possible.

"Heh-heh...she said 'inserted'..."

"YEAH! Yeah, she did! I heard it!"

"Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh..."

http://www.wisopinion.com/blogs/uploaded_images/BeavisButthead-711924.jpg

ROFLMAO!!! :D

Yes, of course guys and girls can be friends. As with most things, it just depends on the individuals involved. Some people won't be able to get past their romantic feelings, and some would rather have a friendship than nothing at all. That's how I see it, anyway. A number of my friends have admitted to having feelings for me at one point or another, and with just a few exceptions I've been able to remain friends with all of them. One I'm no longer friends with because of something completely unrelated, and the other two are no longer my friends by their choice, not mine. They decided, like your friend, that if they couldn't date me they didn't want any relationship with me at all. Which sucks, frankly, but they both know that they can get back in touch with me if they want to.

Also, yes it's possible to be friends with someone after having deeper feelings for them. Again though, it really depends on the person. I'm still friends with most of my exes, because we cared enough about each other to want to maintain a friendship. It can be awkward at first, but it is possible.

Feminist oppression! Join the REAL MAN REVOLT! Yayyy! :D

ROFLMAO!!! :D

I can always count on you, Eut, to laugh at my stupid shite. :D

I can always count on you, Eut, to laugh at my stupid shite. :D

LOL! Apparently we have the same demented, twisted, sick-o, anti-feminist sense of humor! :D

LOL! Apparently we have the same demented, twisted, sick-o, anti-feminist sense of humor! :D
Lol, because it's "twisted" to giggle at "inserted"? I'd have chosen the word "obvious," myself. :D

Ooops, but I'm a feminist, so I guess I can't find that funny? :confused:

Lol, because it's "twisted" to giggle at "inserted"? I'd have chosen the word "obvious," myself. :D

Especially given the context. ;)

Ooops, but I'm a feminist, so I guess I can't find that funny? :confused:

Meh, feminist-schmeminist. You can still see humour when it's there, unless you're one of those mindless drones (i.e., "all Bush jokes aren't funny," or "all Clinton jokes aren't funny").

Especially given the context. ;)
Yeah. :P

Lol, because it's "twisted" to giggle at "inserted"? I'd have chosen the word "obvious," myself. :D

Ooops, but I'm a feminist, so I guess I can't find that funny? :confused:

You're not the sort of "feminist" with which I'M familiar ... thank God! :p

Yeah. :P

Shouldn't stick that tongue out unless you're prepared to use it.

/obnoxious guy

:p

Shouldn't stick that tongue out unless you're prepared to use it.

/obnoxious guy

:p

Ha. Ha. Very funny. Ho. Ho. It is to laugh. :p

Shouldn't stick that tongue out unless you're prepared to use it.

/obnoxious guy

:p
Who says I'm not?

It's pierced for a reason, you know.

Who says I'm not?

It's pierced for a reason, you know.

ohh kinky!

Who says I'm not?

It's pierced for a reason, you know.

See? You're not a "feminist!" :D

Who says I'm not?

It's pierced for a reason, you know.

*shiver*

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?
It's possible to remain friends, but those feelings won't ever just disappear. They'll always linger to some extent. But it gets easier with time as they slowly settle. They'll never be entirely forgotten, no matter how suppressed and ignored they are.
*shrug* some of my best friends are women, I have no romantic interest in them what so ever.

Of course, I think this is something that gets easier as one matures...you said you just started university so I'm guessing he's around 17-18? I think as one gets older (especially for men) it becomes easier to draw that distinction. I have no problems viewing my female friends as just that, friends.
Odd. I've never really thought of myself as particularly mature (moreso than most of my peers for most of my life, but not really that mature), and I've never had a problem maintaining purely Platonic relationships with women. But then I'm far from normal.:p
Why didnt we talk much before?!

And thanks, I guess I pretty much knew what the situation was all about, I just wanted to get other peoples opinions and experiences. I'm quite a flirty person, maybe I should stop that.
No, you shouldn't have to forsake who you are. If someone can't handle that, then they really shouldn't be your friend. It isn't fair to either of you that way.
Hmmm....I wouldn't put it that way, but he probably wouldn't be interested if you were in a serious relationship.
No, I doubt that would stop him from being interested. He might be less likely to say anything, but that wouldn't change how he feels.
Have we met? ;) ha ha, oh dear not appropriate.

But a lot of what you said just there makes sense to me. And it makes me think he's actually been quite mature about it. Still doesnt make me feel better about it, I have a lot of guy friends and it's not happened before.
It isn't the same with all guy friends. Maybe they haven't felt so strongly. Or maybe they can handle it better.
Well thats what im asking...is it possible to go back from feeling like that about someone...because I dont want to lose his friendship. I'm not saying I want to make him feel shit constantly. If you get on with someone that well it doesnt make sense to me to just drop the friendship because you cant have what you want.
No, but it might hurt to much to see you and not have a chance. To feel so strongly, but have no real outlet for expressing it. It hurts. A lot. There's a lot of bitterness involved if the feelings are genuinely strong enough. The futility is maddening.
I should hope they havent had sexual feelings for me, that wouldn't be good!
I'm sure some of them have.
What can I say, dude? I'm not talking about a "relationship." I'm talking about sex. I have seen very, very few men over the years who are willing to be in any sort of "friendship" relationship with a woman to whom they are attracted without wanting more from them. Go ahead ... prove me wrong.
I've known many men who were friends with women to whom they were attracted and didn't want anything more from them. I'm one of them, in fact.
It's not like guys don't hit on women they're friends with, you know. I think I've told you before that the vast majority of my male 'friends' have hit on me at some stage. :(
How could they not? Do you know you? You're amazing. *nods*
Geeze! You really have a low opinion of me, don't ya! Sigh. :(
Yes.:p
How come you arrive when the smut is inserted!
"Heh-heh...she said 'inserted'..."

"YEAH! Yeah, she did! I heard it!"

"Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh..."

http://www.wisopinion.com/blogs/uploaded_images/BeavisButthead-711924.jpg
OMG, my thought EXACTLY!:D
Who says I'm not?

It's pierced for a reason, you know.
Kinky.;)

ohh kinky!

I thought so, too.:p

OMG, my thought EXACTLY!:D

GMTA and all. ;)

See? You're not a "feminist!" :D
That's true, I'm nothing with scare-quotes around it. I'm just a pierced-tongue feminist who likes to tumble the lads as well as the ladies, a future spinster sans the cats, and a godless humanist to boot. ;)

I'm every demon of the modern age, and all of them before I eat my breakfast! (Said breakfast being composed of tender Republican fetuses and innocent kittens, don'tcha know.)

GMTA and all. ;)

Yes, but let's not forget that fools seldom differ.:p

That's true, I'm nothing with scare-quotes around it. I'm just a pierced-tongue feminist who likes to tumble the lads as well as the ladies, a future spinster sans the cats, and a godless humanist to boot. ;)

I'm every demon of the modern age, and all of them before I eat my breakfast! (Said breakfast being composed of tender Republican fetuses and innocent kittens, don'tcha know.)

So that's what you're gonna cook me in the morning?;)

Yes, but let's not forget that fools seldom differ.:p


Well, yeah...there's that too. ;)

You do know that one of the translations of "cluich is "fool," right?

So that's what you're gonna cook me in the morning?;)
Well, at least you wouldn't be able to blame the flavour on my cooking...

Well, at least you wouldn't be able to blame the flavour on my cooking...

You can counter the flavour of the kitten dander with a little garlic and cilantro, y'know.

It's not like guys don't hit on women they're friends with, you know. I think I've told you before that the vast majority of my male 'friends' have hit on me at some stage. :(

SOME guys do.

Other guys don't.

SOME guys do.

Other guys don't.

I wasn't saying all guys are incapable of being just friends. I was just pointing out that some are. :confused: :p

I wasn't saying all guys are incapable of being just friends. I was just pointing out that some are. :confused: :p

You're also confusing hitting on someone with jokingly flirting. I do the latter with my female friends, but I have no intention of trying to get them into the sack.

I wasn't saying all guys are incapable of being just friends. I was just pointing out that some are. :confused: :p

OK.

That's true, I'm nothing with scare-quotes around it. I'm just a pierced-tongue feminist who likes to tumble the lads as well as the ladies, a future spinster sans the cats, and a godless humanist to boot. ;)

I'm every demon of the modern age, and all of them before I eat my breakfast! (Said breakfast being composed of tender Republican fetuses and innocent kittens, don'tcha know.)

:rolleyes: Sigh!

Well, yeah...there's that too. ;)

You do know that one of the translations of "cluich is "fool," right?
Yep.:D
Well, at least you wouldn't be able to blame the flavour on my cooking...
Maybe I'd just stick to eating you instead.:p
SOME guys do.

Other guys don't.

I don't usually, but TBD is a special case.

Yes, but let's not forget that fools seldom differ.:p

OMG, my thought EXACTLY!:D

Well thats what im asking...is it possible to go back from feeling like that about someone...because I dont want to lose his friendship. I'm not saying I want to make him feel shit constantly. If you get on with someone that well it doesnt make sense to me to just drop the friendship because you cant have what you want.
Aaaw... :fluffle:

It is possible to get back to friendship, and I think he's a fool to do what he's doing. He should be able to get over it in time, and then he'll probably regret his actions.

I wouldn't blame him for staying out of your way for a while, but making it permanent is just... :(
Yes, girls and guys can be just friends.
Yes, you can go back to friendship after having had deeper feelings.... but that depends on so many factors that it is almost impossible. I've seen it once.
Indeed. I'v done it myself :)
What can I say, dude? I'm not talking about a "relationship." I'm talking about sex. I have seen very, very few men over the years who are willing to be in any sort of "friendship" relationship with a woman to whom they are attracted without wanting more from them. Go ahead ... prove me wrong.
It happens - and it isn't all that uncommon either.

I can't "prove" anything, since we're talking about personal feelings on my part. All I can say is that i'd rather have a friendship for life than a one night stand that destroys a friendship. I don't care how attractive they are in that instance.

I agree :)

:rolleyes: Sigh!

Aww, anti-feminists are so humorless! :D

Maybe I'd just stick to eating you instead.:p

:shock:

Oh noes! My tender virtue!

Tee hee.

It happens - and it isn't all that uncommon either.

Define "uncommon."

Aaaw... :fluffle:

It is possible to get back to friendship, and I think he's a fool to do what he's doing. He should be able to get over it in time, and then he'll probably regret his actions.

I wouldn't blame him for staying out of your way for a while, but making it permanent is just... :(

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v297/probe_me/boff.gif *sighs*

:shock:

Oh noes! My tender virtue!

Tee hee.

Now if *I* had said that, I would have been immediately castigated by numerous dweebs and attention-seekers on here. Explain that, please.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v297/probe_me/boff.gif *sighs*

Wow...I can't remember when I last got a smiley humping from Peegirl... :(

Now if *I* had said that, I would have been immediately castigated by numerous dweebs and attention-seekers on here. Explain that, please.

I'll explain it. There are numerous dweebs and attention-seekers here. :p

Wow...I can't remember when I last got a smiley humping from Peegirl... :(

I dont think you ever have have you? ;)

I dont think you ever have have you? ;)

:eek: I'm insulted! :(

:eek: I'm insulted! :(

Earn it baby :p

That's true, I'm nothing with scare-quotes around it. I'm just a pierced-tongue feminist who likes to tumble the lads as well as the ladies, a future spinster sans the cats, and a godless humanist to boot. ;)

I'm every demon of the modern age, and all of them before I eat my breakfast! (Said breakfast being composed of tender Republican fetuses and innocent kittens, don'tcha know.)
You left out eloquent, intelligent and reflected.


...

What? http://www.freesmileys.org/emo/gen044.gif
Define "uncommon."
Not common; unusual; rare; exceptional; remarkable. :p

I mean that of my guy friends, about half are in some kind of relationship with one or more women that they find attractive without wanting more. Of my girl friends however, the number is higher - about 3/4

I can say this because we've talked about it before, and I trust the answers I've been given.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v297/probe_me/boff.gif *sighs*

:) I'm sure it will work out somehow... Just give him some time to think things through.

Earn it baby :p

I have, Peegirl. :p

I'll explain it. There are numerous dweebs and attention-seekers here. :p

So why do they seem to single ME out for their "special approbation?" :(

So why do they seem to single ME out for their "special approbation?" :(

You make an easy target, perhaps? ;)

You make an easy target, perhaps? ;)

That's easily solved. [ leaves ]

That's easily solved. [ leaves ]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

That depends on the strength of these deeper feelings... First off, being friends with a woman is perfectly possible for a guy. Have done so in the past, and while I really liked them, there wasn't any trace of romantic feeling involved. I have also tried doing the going back thing on other occasions, but that IS a wee bit difficult. If the emotion is not very strong, he might find somebody else and still be friends, but if he's got a real crush on you, then being around you all the time certainly won't help it vanish... it's hard to not think "maybe one day she'll change her mind". That may not be very rational, but love rarely is, right?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but it seems that these days entirely too much of my attention is focused on self-preservation. It makes me kinda jumpy and I'm afraid of really going off on someone, so if things begin to bother me I tend to leave, at least for awhile. It has nothing to do with you. It's just me. I'll get over it. :)

Now if *I* had said that, I would have been immediately castigated by numerous dweebs and attention-seekers on here. Explain that, please.

Were you referring to me?

I'm 29 and I doubt it's generational. Maybe as a "soften" generation we will hide more our feeling but still...

Eutrusca experience's seems pretty accurate to me. As long their is some kind of physical attraction from one or the other, friendship will be hard.

There's is also a huge difference between a true friendship that will last years and years and a friendly relation.

Sorry, but it seems that these days entirely too much of my attention is focused on self-preservation. It makes me kinda jumpy and I'm afraid of really going off on someone, so if things begin to bother me I tend to leave, at least for awhile. It has nothing to do with you. It's just me. I'll get over it. :)

No prob, Eut. I understand completely.

I can be friends with anyone of any gender, I'm sure everyone can...!

Were you referring to me?

No, not at all.

I can be friends with anyone of any gender, I'm sure everyone can...!

Bah, girls are icky. They've got cooties, don'tcha know? ;)

No prob, Eut. I understand completely.

Thanks, bro. :fluffle:

Thanks, bro. :fluffle:

Anytime, old man. ;)

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

I'm a guy. In my opinion, the guy has done what he's done to see your reaction, to see if you feel feelings that are at least similar to his. If you like him like that, go over and talk to him, or call him if you still have his phone number. If you don't, then he will most likely be gutted for quite some time. Make sure he knows how you feel, then give him some time to realise he has no chance with you "in that way". After some period of time (say a few months), you still have his number in case you both want to be just friends.

And in answer to your last question, yes, you can.

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

Yes you can be friends. I am still friends with most of my ex's, once we got over the 'it's painful to talk to you' stage of the break up (which can take a variable amount of time, depending on the person's emotional maturity, and their situation).

It's likely that he feels rejected, because you don't want a more serious relationship with him. He can't deal with the fact that he wants you, and you don't want him. Interacting with you reminds him of that pain, and he isn't ready to deal with it yet. So he's running away from the thing that is hurting him.

Very understandable reaction. Lots of people run from things that hurt them, rather than face them. I don't think it's an effective way of dealing with your problems, but it's probably the best way he knows to deal with it.

I hope he learns better in the future, but for now I wouldn't resent him for it, it's not an easy thing you are asking of him.

I'm a guy. In my opinion, the guy has done what he's done to see your reaction, to see if you feel feelings that are at least similar to his.

Which is precisely why I advised as I did. He's a whiny bitch trying to play head games. Peegirl should simply forget about him.

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?I think he might be considering things on a level of "More than friends" and he's letting you make the first move.

if you return his feelings of being "More than just friends" then call him. talk it out.

Which is precisely why I advised as I did. He's a whiny bitch trying to play head games. Peegirl should simply forget about him.

Jeeze. Telling someone that you're attracted to them and have problems with being "just friends" is NOT being a "whiny bitch!" :mad:

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

Yes, but it is hard. And takes a lot of work, and strength, to be friends with someone whom you love but doesn't love you the same way. Some days it is easier than others. I'm slowly easing myself back into a friendship with the boy who I loved but didn't feel the same way.

And some days, no, it isn't better to be friends than nothing at all. Being friends only serves to remind you of the other's perfection, and the fact that you cannot have him or her. Some days, tho, if you can get past all those feelings, it is better to be friends. Anyway, I don't blame your friend.

Yes, but it is hard. And takes a lot of work, and strength, to be friends with someone whom you love but doesn't love you the same way. Some days it is easier than others. I'm slowly easing myself back into a friendship with the boy who I loved but didn't feel the same way.

And some days, no, it isn't better to be friends than nothing at all. Being friends only serves to remind you of the other's perfection, and the fact that you cannot have him or her. Some days, tho, if you can get past all those feelings, it is better to be friends. Anyway, I don't blame your friend.

Thank you! At last, a woman who understands! :)

:shock:

Oh noes! My tender virtue!

Tee hee.
Tender, you say? ;)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v297/probe_me/boff.gif *sighs*
:(
Now if *I* had said that, I would have been immediately castigated by numerous dweebs and attention-seekers on here. Explain that, please.
I'm a special case.:p
Earn it baby :p
How did I ever get one?:confused:
Which is precisely why I advised as I did. He's a whiny bitch trying to play head games. Peegirl should simply forget about him.
No, not necessarily. Sometimes things just feel so much more complicated and difficult than they need be. Perhaps he just needs time.

AYUMI HAMASAKI! *reads OP* Dammit!

AYUMI HAMASAKI! *reads OP* Dammit!

:confused:

AYUMI HAMASAKI! *reads OP* Dammit!

http://www.freesmileys.org/emo/eatdrink048.gif

:confused:

Ayumi Hamasaki song "Boys & Girls" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boys_%26_Girls_%28Ayumi_Hamasaki_song%29)

http://www.freesmileys.org/emo/eatdrink048.gif
:D
Ayumi Hamasaki song "Boys & Girls" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boys_%26_Girls_%28Ayumi_Hamasaki_song%29)

Doesn't seem like it'd be a very good song....

:D


Doesn't seem like it'd be a very good song....

*ponders waging holy war* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAAGjgoR5Z4 Yes it's in Japanese... No I can't understand it... no I don't care.

Thank you! At last, a woman who understands! :)

:D Experience is my teacher. *nods sagely* I am glad that you approve. :) :fluffle:

Being in the guy's position at the moment, I must say:

He's a whiny bitch trying to play head games. Peegirl should simply forget about him.

*ponders waging holy war* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAAGjgoR5Z4 Yes it's in Japanese... No I can't understand it... no I don't care.
I can't either, but I don't like it.
Being in the guy's position at the moment, I must say:

Not necessarily. Not all guys are like that.

I can always count on you, Eut, to laugh at my stupid shite. =D

LOL! Apparently we have the same demented, twisted, sick-o, anti-feminist sense of humor! :D
I laughed too... Should I be worried about being in this category with Nasty Old Men, and Geezers? ;) Too bad, I'm not. You guys rock :fluffle:
Shouldn't stick that tongue out unless you're prepared to use it.

/obnoxious guy

:P
Oh baby! ;)
Who says I'm not?

It's pierced for a reason, you know.
:eek:

That's true, I'm nothing with scare-quotes around it. I'm just a pierced-tongue feminist who likes to tumble the lads as well as the ladies, a future spinster sans the cats, and a godless humanist to boot. ;)

I'm every demon of the modern age, and all of them before I eat my breakfast! (Said breakfast being composed of tender Republican fetuses and innocent kittens, don'tcha know.)
Impressive!
Well, yeah...there's that too. ;)

You do know that one of the translations of "cluich is "fool," right?
Really?! You have an awesome name! What language?


Maybe I'd just stick to eating you instead.:p
*vomits*

So subtle...

That's easily solved. [ leaves ]
awww, Eut, don't be emo!! We <3 you, even if you are a Nasty Old Man.

Bah, girls are icky. They've got cooties, don'tcha know? ;)
Not uh! Boy's have cooties! *sticks out tongue childishly*

Yes you can be friends. I am still friends with most of my ex's, once we got over the 'it's painful to talk to you' stage of the break up (which can take a variable amount of time, depending on the person's emotional maturity, and their situation).

It's likely that he feels rejected, because you don't want a more serious relationship with him. He can't deal with the fact that he wants you, and you don't want him. Interacting with you reminds him of that pain, and he isn't ready to deal with it yet. So he's running away from the thing that is hurting him.

Very understandable reaction. Lots of people run from things that hurt them, rather than face them. I don't think it's an effective way of dealing with your problems, but it's probably the best way he knows to deal with it.

I hope he learns better in the future, but for now I wouldn't resent him for it, it's not an easy thing you are asking of him.
Pain exists for a reason. It is not cowardly or ineffective to avoid pain. Would you fault someone for taking their hand out of a flame because the fire burns them? It isn't running away from pain, it is a way of dealing with it. What else should he do? Smile, and pretend it doesn't hurt? That will only hurt him more.

Jeeze. Telling someone that you're attracted to them and have problems with being "just friends" is NOT being a "whiny bitch!" :mad:
I concur. I wonder if the people who are so quick to condemn have actually tried being friends with someone whom they loved. Not just liked, but truly loved. It is not easy.

Being in the guy's position at the moment, I must say:
I've been in the guy's position twice in the past 4 months or so, and I must say, there is nothing wrong with self preservation. I am only know delicately working on a friendship with the guy who I love but doesnt reciprocate, almost 4 months after finding out he liked my best friend. It is hard, and sometimes it hurts like hell. And I've done it all over again. Fortunately, I did not like this guy as much, so it is a bit easier.


Not necessarily. Not all guys are like that.
I concur.

Finally read the whole thread, woot!

I've been in the guy's position twice in the past 4 months or so, and I must say, there is nothing wrong with self preservation. I am only know delicately working on a friendship with the guy who I love but doesnt reciprocate, almost 4 months after finding out he liked my best friend. It is hard, and sometimes it hurts like hell. And I've done it all over again. Fortunately, I did not like this guy as much, so it is a bit easier.

Self preservation is fine and dandy, no need to go out of the way to tear open old wounds. But, what, cutting someone off, cutting a good friend off entirely for the sake of 'self-preservation'? I concur with "whiny bitch trying to play head games." Sure, he hurts, but there's limits, no?

Not necessarily. Not all guys are like that.

Not all guys are whiny, or not all guys can deal with it without being whiny?

I guess it depends on the situation whether or not a person can be friends with someone they have feelings for. Currently, I don't care if the boy I dig ever dates me, or if he simply continues life as a sexually ambiguous man-whore, as long as, once in a while, I still get to have those crazy hour-long conversations that don't make sense on any level with him. That'll probably destroy me, so maybe your friend is right in cutting off ties. I wouldn't say it's necessarily a permanent thing, though. He probably just needs a little while to cool off and meet somebody new. If you can, maybe try talking to him?

*vomits*

So subtle...
You know better than nearly anyone left on the forum that subtlety isn't exactly my forte.;)
I concur.

Finally read the whole thread, woot!

What took so long? Getting old and slow or something?:p

You know better than nearly anyone left on the forum that subtlety isn't exactly my forte.;)

The set not nearly anyone including me. :P

Of course it is possible for girls and boys to be friends. But you knew that already.

SOME girls and SOME boys are not capable of friendship with members of the opposite sex. Some people are so hung up on gender that they can't figure out how to care about a member of the opposite sex in a non-sexual way. These people miss out on a lot of the best relationships they might have had.
They also tend to be the people who understand the least about themselves and the people in their lives, since they hold a lot of bizarre assumptions about how "men" and "women" must be.
It's unfair to make so many claims about what Peeland's (former) friend is supposedly like.

"Frustration" isn't always a problem. Sometimes it can be a sweet torment. Some people can enjoy it a great deal.

Haven't you ever been in Peeland's (former) friend's situation?

It's not like guys don't hit on women they're friends with, you know. I think I've told you before that the vast majority of my male 'friends' have hit on me at some stage. :(
Why the sad face? Surely it confirms your attractiveness. If you can't reject and maintain friends with them you have a problem IMO.

Like me? Or a bit older!
Bottle is about 25.

I concur. I wonder if the people who are so quick to condemn have actually tried being friends with someone whom they loved. Not just liked, but truly loved. It is not easy.
Yes, of the exes I mentioned, all the ones I was truly in love with fall under the category of those I am still friends with. Is it easy? No, of course not; in fact, it was supremely difficult in the beginning stages with some of them. However, putting in the effort to maintain the friendship was well worth the initial pain in each case.

Either way though, the OP said her friend had "feelings that he can't get rid of" for her, which doesn't exactly sound like love to me. Maybe that's just me though.

That depends on the strength of these deeper feelings... First off, being friends with a woman is perfectly possible for a guy. Have done so in the past, and while I really liked them, there wasn't any trace of romantic feeling involved. I have also tried doing the going back thing on other occasions, but that IS a wee bit difficult. If the emotion is not very strong, he might find somebody else and still be friends, but if he's got a real crush on you, then being around you all the time certainly won't help it vanish... it's hard to not think "maybe one day she'll change her mind". That may not be very rational, but love rarely is, right?

Mmm I think you're spot on in that I think he thought I might change my mind. If he was nice enough and spent enough time with me. I feel like a bit of a poo now. Like I've lead him on or something.

I concur. I wonder if the people who are so quick to condemn have actually tried being friends with someone whom they loved. Not just liked, but truly loved. It is not easy.

Lotta things in this area of life aren't easy. Doesn't mean we run away from them.

Bah, girls are icky. They've got cooties, don'tcha know? ;)

Good job I havent humped you then huh!

Mmm I think you're spot on in that I think he thought I might change my mind. If he was nice enough and spent enough time with me. I feel like a bit of a poo now. Like I've lead him on or something.

Depends. I believe you've said you just don't want a relantionship, in which case *shrug* It sucks but T'wasn't your doing.

Yes you can be friends. I am still friends with most of my ex's, once we got over the 'it's painful to talk to you' stage of the break up (which can take a variable amount of time, depending on the person's emotional maturity, and their situation).

It's likely that he feels rejected, because you don't want a more serious relationship with him. He can't deal with the fact that he wants you, and you don't want him. Interacting with you reminds him of that pain, and he isn't ready to deal with it yet. So he's running away from the thing that is hurting him.

Very understandable reaction. Lots of people run from things that hurt them, rather than face them. I don't think it's an effective way of dealing with your problems, but it's probably the best way he knows to deal with it.

I hope he learns better in the future, but for now I wouldn't resent him for it, it's not an easy thing you are asking of him.

I wouldnt say I resent him but I havent been in the same situation as he is, and I justwas finding it hard to figure out. But a lot of the things you guys have said make sense and I need to just leave him to it for now!

Girls and guys can definitely be friends and not romantically involved -- one of my best friends is a guy. We've never dated romantically but we go to museums, movies, day trips, things like that.

I've driven him 5 hrs to see his (now former) girlfriend, he's taken me home from work when I was so sick my boss would not let me get on the train myself.

After being romantically involved is harder, but possible. Usually works best when both of you are involved in other relationships.

As for this situation: you know what you want -- a non-romantic relationship with this guy. He knows what he wants -- not to have a non-romantic relationship with you. It's tough, but self-determination cuts both ways -- just as he must accept that you don't want him that way, you must accept that he doesn't want you if he can't have you as a romance.

Self preservation is fine and dandy, no need to go out of the way to tear open old wounds. But, what, cutting someone off, cutting a good friend off entirely for the sake of 'self-preservation'? I concur with "whiny bitch trying to play head games." Sure, he hurts, but there's limits, no?

How do you know that they have a mutually good friendship?

Everyone thought I had a good friendship with that boy i liked. I didn't. Talking to him was agonizing. It was a good friendship for him. For me, it was tortuous. She doesn't know that he's cut himself entirely forever. And for now, distancing himself for the sake of self-preservation is perfectly reasonable. If they never speak again, I'll concur.

There are limits to what he should have to withstand for her sake, too.

You know better than nearly anyone left on the forum that subtlety isn't exactly my forte.;)


What took so long? Getting old and slow or something?:p

It isn't?! Oh wait. . . I did know that. :p

And no, I had to go into the real world. A dear friend needed my comfort.

Never fear. I still like my threads/posting like I like (leaves blank for imagination): long, hard, and fast ;) :p

oh god. I've been posting too much in the same thread with Nasty Old Men, methinks! :eek:

How do you know that they have a mutually good friendship?

Everyone thought I had a good friendship with that boy i liked. I didn't. Talking to him was agonizing. It was a good friendship for him. For me, it was tortuous. She doesn't know that he's cut himself entirely forever. And for now, distancing himself for the sake of self-preservation is perfectly reasonable. If they never speak again, I'll concur.

There are limits to what he should have to withstand for her sake, too.

Jeez, if he'd just asked her to, she'd most likely have left him alone for a while. That's not what taking away as many usable forms of communication as possible implies...

I certainly haven't forced myself to maintain the friendship, I'm just trying to not do something stupid, like end up worse off than where I started.

Jeez, if he'd just asked her to, she'd most likely have left him alone for a while. That's not what taking away as many usable forms of communication as possible implies...

I certainly haven't forced myself to maintain the friendship, I'm just trying to not do something stupid, like end up worse off than where I started.

When the drama with teh boy went down in august, he said he certainly hoped we could still be friends. I said fine. I had no desire to be friends with him, and honestly, still don't really. But it is hard to tell the person you love "no", even if they ripped out your heart unintentionally. I deleted his screenname from my AIM buddy list, because even seeing that he was online was painful. I dont doubt that seeing her name in his phonebook was similarly painful.

He can always look up her number later. Or ask a mutual friend for her contact info.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

Well, heres my opinion.

He has feelings for you but doesn't want to lose the friendship, that might not make much sense, but based mainly on the "he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me." bit.

He still wants to be your friend really, but can't see it working because of those feelings, as people have said it probably hurts him. He isn't whining, he is more trying to make sense of the his feelings.

He just needs some time alone to sort himself out. He does not want the temptation of talking to you in any way shape or form, because he believes it will stop him from getting rid of the feelings, after he has accomplished that, well its pretty easy to get a phone number or msn adress again and from what you say he has said, i would think he still wants to be friends, just doesn't think he can handle it at the moment. Of course he could end up somehow blaming the whole thing on you and hating you for no reason.

If you've been leading him on or not probably has little effect, feelings can spring from nowhere and need little prompting. He probably convinced himself that either he just stop talking to your completely without telling you anything or at least telling you before he cut it off.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?
He's an idiot, and here's why.

Yes, it is better to remain friends, because at least then his hope for a more meaningful relationahip with you isn't dead.

Plus, if he tells you he has feelings for you and then takes no action regarding them, he'll appear much more mature and thus attractive in your eyes. He had a real shot with you, and he threw it away through lack of forethought.

I call it stealth seduction. You get to know someone socially, and then declare that you'r interested in him/her romatically. However, you recognise that the relationship isn't like that, but you just wanted to make your feelings known. Then, continue the friendship, but don't mention your romantic feelings again.

What you've just done is removed the uncertainty from his/her side of the relationship. People find attractive in others the characteristic of being attracted to them: if A likes B, B will tend to like A more simply because A likes B. As this feeling grows, the target of your affections will be much more likely to act on them because he/she ALREADY KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL, so there's no chance of being rejected. You've cultivated attraction, and at the same time eliminated the primary reason people don't act on attraction - fear.

This guy had an opening, and he didn't even try.

The set not nearly anyone including me. :P
Eh...no, I'm afraid you don't know quite what I mean. It'd be kinda creepy if you had witnessed those particular MSN convos.:p
Either way though, the OP said her friend had "feelings that he can't get rid of" for her, which doesn't exactly sound like love to me. Maybe that's just me though.
Hard to say. The L-word is commonly misused and is often mired in all sorts of emotional confusion.
Mmm I think you're spot on in that I think he thought I might change my mind. If he was nice enough and spent enough time with me. I feel like a bit of a poo now. Like I've lead him on or something.
Not if you made it clear that you weren't interested in a relationship. Which I remember you claiming you did. Make it clear, that is.
Depends. I believe you've said you just don't want a relantionship, in which case *shrug* It sucks but T'wasn't your doing.
Quite so.
It isn't?! Oh wait. . . I did know that. :p

And no, I had to go into the real world. A dear friend needed my comfort.

Never fear. I still like my threads/posting like I like (leaves blank for imagination): long, hard, and fast ;) :p

oh god. I've been posting too much in the same thread with Nasty Old Men, methinks! :eek:

Umm....No, I think it has more to do with me bringing up old memories. ;):p

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?

i used to be completely in love with my current flatmate a year and a half ago, she never knew and doesn't now, but we're just great friends now and i don't have feelings for her like that anymore. it was, however, incredibly tough being in love with her before. she was my flatmate then aswell but in a different flat and we had other flatmates and we've lived apart for a year since. seeing her everyday, wanting her all the time, then saying 'cherio' as she went off to see her boyfriend nearly messed me up properly. being friends with someone you want more with and knowing you can't have it can really tear you apart. i'm really not surprised this guy feels he needs some distance - the only thing that stopped me loving my flatmate was being almost entirely out of contact for nearly a year.

Hard to say. The L-word is commonly misused and is often mired in all sorts of emotional confusion.
Hence why i try to avoid it with males. And some females.


Umm....No, I think it has more to do with me bringing up old memories. ;):p
*looks forlornly at Itinerary and Map lying in Recycle Bin*

*sigh*

At any rate, no, it was certainly the influence of Nasty Old Men. Don't flatter yourself, kiddo. :fluffle:

Hence why i try to avoid it with males. And some females.
I say it only to two people. Apart from family, that is.

*looks forlornly at Itinerary and Map lying in Recycle Bin*

*sigh*

At any rate, no, it was certainly the influence of Nasty Old Men. Don't flatter yourself, kiddo. :fluffle:

Oh, I really wasn't. Just staving off the random bout of self-loathing.

Look, I've been in the spot your friend was in. It's hard dealing with unrequented love. I valued the friendship I had with her enough that I couldn't stand to see it ever become anything less than we had, even if it couldn't become something "more". For the longest time, I kept my feelings bottled up, and hidden from her, but eventually, I decided that I had to tell her how I felt. Having naturally low self-confidence, I had already convinced myself that a rejection was immenent, so I was in damage control mode from the moment I said it.

She wasn't clear at first that she wasn't interested in a relationship, and the details of her feelings, reasons, and whatnot didn't become clear until much much later, since she was deceptive out of a misguided desire to spare my feelings. (I eventually forced the truth out of her while she was sick and thus off her guard.)

We're still as close as ever, and although I still care about her, and am more certain than ever that I love her, she's made it clear she doesn't feel the same way toward me (in spite of what every one of her friends and family members seem to think).

It still hurts a little thinking about it, and at the time I was coming to terms with the rejection it hurt like hell in spite of me knowing ahead of time that my chances weren't at all good. I don't blame your friend for what he did, since I know the kind of pain that sort of thing can cause.

It is possible to be friends in spite of romantic feelings, but ultimately it comes down to the person with said feelings deciding that he values the friendship enough to endure the pain that is there, and likely will be for a long time to come. Maybe he'll eventually decide that's the case once it stops hurting so much, maybe he won't. That all depends on how important your friendship was to him.

Don't blame yourself or him. These things are in fate's hands. If you must blame someone, chose whatever god of love you worship and berate him or her for cursing your friend with feelings for you that you couldn't return.

That's true, I'm nothing with scare-quotes around it. I'm just a pierced-tongue feminist who likes to tumble the lads as well as the ladies, a future spinster sans the cats, and a godless humanist to boot. ;)

I'm every demon of the modern age, and all of them before I eat my breakfast! (Said breakfast being composed of tender Republican fetuses and innocent kittens, don'tcha know.)

As one of the demons of the modern age infinitely more hated than you, I find your assertion pompous and arrogant.

I know we've had threads like this before but I wanted a point of view.

I moved away to University in September, since then I've made some new friends, one of which, a guy, I'm really close to, he's the best friend I have down here, we really clicked. Anyway, he came over yesterday and told me that he couldn't continue being friends with me because he has feelings that he cant get rid of for me. He deleted my phone number and my msn address, and I doubt I'll be seeing him anytime soon...

And I dont get it! If you like someone that much, surely being friends is better than nothing at all?

Can girls and guys be friends, and can you go back once you have deeper feelings for someone?
Sucks to hear that.:(
Honestly i say it is better to let him cast himself adrift.
God bless Jetsom.

It's not like guys don't hit on women they're friends with, you know. I think I've told you before that the vast majority of my male 'friends' have hit on me at some stage. :(
Well maybe you should pull a Saint Bridget.;)
It worked for her.:)

People are crazy.

yep


He sounds like a self-involved, overly emo wanker. Acknowledge and move on.

haha, best advice.

He's an idiot, and here's why.

Yes, it is better to remain friends, because at least then his hope for a more meaningful relationahip with you isn't dead.

Plus, if he tells you he has feelings for you and then takes no action regarding them, he'll appear much more mature and thus attractive in your eyes. He had a real shot with you, and he threw it away through lack of forethought.

I call it stealth seduction. You get to know someone socially, and then declare that you'r interested in him/her romatically. However, you recognise that the relationship isn't like that, but you just wanted to make your feelings known. Then, continue the friendship, but don't mention your romantic feelings again.

What you've just done is removed the uncertainty from his/her side of the relationship. People find attractive in others the characteristic of being attracted to them: if A likes B, B will tend to like A more simply because A likes B. As this feeling grows, the target of your affections will be much more likely to act on them because he/she ALREADY KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL, so there's no chance of being rejected. You've cultivated attraction, and at the same time eliminated the primary reason people don't act on attraction - fear.

This guy had an opening, and he didn't even try.

Ok..I didnt quite get all of that! But ok!...

...let me state something before I post this...

When he came over to tell me this, I told him to make sure he didn't get in touch or give in and decide he'd been stupid like the next day, because he's done it before and I can't keep dealing with him telling me that he cant see me...

Got a text message this morning

'I know your going to be so pissed off but I've made a mistake! Not having you as a mate is so shit. I know I said I wouldnt do this but its just crap. Your my best mate and I miss your friendship loads already. I understand if you dont want to go back to being mates. Dont be angry. I just thought if you werent around it would be like we hadn't met, but its not'

...I haven't replied, I think I should tell him that he still needs to keep his distance from me and maybe get back in touch in a few weeks or something! What do you think?

i used to be completely in love with my current flatmate a year and a half ago, she never knew and doesn't now, but we're just great friends now and i don't have feelings for her like that anymore. it was, however, incredibly tough being in love with her before. she was my flatmate then aswell but in a different flat and we had other flatmates and we've lived apart for a year since. seeing her everyday, wanting her all the time, then saying 'cherio' as she went off to see her boyfriend nearly messed me up properly. being friends with someone you want more with and knowing you can't have it can really tear you apart. i'm really not surprised this guy feels he needs some distance - the only thing that stopped me loving my flatmate was being almost entirely out of contact for nearly a year.

A year :confused: Oh man I dont know what to do now! I wish he'd just stuck to it!

...I haven't replied, I think I should tell him that he still needs to keep his distance from me and maybe get back in touch in a few weeks or something! What do you think?

Well, only he can decide if he's ready. If you tell him that, he'll just assume you don't want to speak to him again ever.

i got the same thing playing out in my home right now
its diving me nuts watching it going on
they both need help but in the end it going to me that need help i know it

Well, only he can decide if he's ready. If you tell him that, he'll just assume you don't want to speak to him again ever.

So you think I should just say that it's up to him? If he doesn't like not talking then we'll go back to how we were?

I can't keep being ok with him as a friend, and then have him going cold on me, then have him telling me he can't do it, because it stresses me out and I'm sure he doesnt enjoy it.

Hope it clears up for you.
I shall sleep.

So you think I should just say that it's up to him? If he doesn't like not talking then we'll go back to how we were?

I can't keep being ok with him as a friend, and then have him going cold on me, then have him telling me he can't do it, because it stresses me out and I'm sure he doesnt enjoy it.

Tell him that.

Being upfront and honest about your feelings is usually the best way to avoid confusion.

Tell him that.

Being upfront and honest about your feelings is usually the best way to avoid confusion.

I'm a very upfront and honest person. I just don't know what decision to make about this. I feel like its not for me to decide what he does.

Fuck it, he's just called and he's coming over. Not sure I think this is a good idea. :mad: :mad: :mad:

I'm a very upfront and honest person. I just don't know what decision to make about this. I feel like its not for me to decide what he does.

Fuck it, he's just called and he's coming over. Not sure I think this is a good idea. :mad: :mad: :mad:

best way to handle anything, and good luck.

Ok..I didnt quite get all of that! But ok!...
You don't want to. It can be true, but just as often it's complete nonsense.

Tell him that.

Being upfront and honest about your feelings is usually the best way to avoid confusion.

Yep, completely agree.



Just stick to what you want. And if you're not getting what you want (i.e. he keeps vacillating), make it clear he needs to make up his mind.

It's unfair to make so many claims about what Peeland's (former) friend is supposedly like.

I didn't.

Haven't you ever been in Peeland's (former) friend's situation?

Yes.


Why the sad face? Surely it confirms your attractiveness. If you can't reject and maintain friends with them you have a problem IMO.

Believe it or not, it takes two to make a friendship. If she can't reject them and maintain the friendship, it might be because of how they respond to rejection. Indeed, that appears to be the entire point of this very thread: one such male friend was unable to handle the fact that she "rejected" him (though said "rejection" was made clear at the very outset).


Bottle is about 25.
If you say so. :D

I'm a very upfront and honest person. I just don't know what decision to make about this. I feel like its not for me to decide what he does.

Fuck it, he's just called and he's coming over. Not sure I think this is a good idea. :mad: :mad: :mad:

It's not for you to decide what he does - but it is for you to decide what you're willing to take. I agree with Kanabia, stay honest and tell him - explain to him - how you feel.

I hope it works out. Keeping my fingers crossed for you P :)

I'm a very upfront and honest person. I just don't know what decision to make about this. I feel like its not for me to decide what he does.

Fuck it, he's just called and he's coming over. Not sure I think this is a good idea. :mad: :mad: :mad:
In my experience, the best friendships are often the most aggravating at times.

But, then again, I'm a very stubborn and unpleasant person myself. :D

Well maybe you should pull a Saint Bridget.;)
It worked for her.:)

Hmm? I'm not familiar with that one, want to explain? :confused:

Eh...no, I'm afraid you don't know quite what I mean. It'd be kinda creepy if you had witnessed those particular MSN convos.:p

Hehehe...I've been...learning.

i used to be completely in love with my current flatmate a year and a half ago, she never knew and doesn't now, but we're just great friends now and i don't have feelings for her like that anymore. it was, however, incredibly tough being in love with her before. she was my flatmate then aswell but in a different flat and we had other flatmates and we've lived apart for a year since. seeing her everyday, wanting her all the time, then saying 'cherio' as she went off to see her boyfriend nearly messed me up properly. being friends with someone you want more with and knowing you can't have it can really tear you apart. i'm really not surprised this guy feels he needs some distance - the only thing that stopped me loving my flatmate was being almost entirely out of contact for nearly a year.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

If you say so. :D
I always got the impression you were closer to 30-ish.
But, then again, I'm a very stubborn and unpleasant person myself. :D
I rather disagree. I find you to be a refreshingly insightful and an absolute delight.
Hehehe...I've been...learning.

What have you been learning and who needs some fingers readjusted? o.0

He sounds like a self-involved, overly emo wanker. Acknowledge and move on.

Methinks he just needs to do a diddy bit o' growing up.

Mmm I think you're spot on in that I think he thought I might change my mind. If he was nice enough and spent enough time with me. I feel like a bit of a poo now. Like I've lead him on or something.

Fuck it P I told you before, it's his fault NOT yours, he knows how you feel and then did all what he did, reminds me of a kid throwing a tantrum to get what he wants IMO.

...let me state something before I post this...

When he came over to tell me this, I told him to make sure he didn't get in touch or give in and decide he'd been stupid like the next day, because he's done it before and I can't keep dealing with him telling me that he cant see me...

Got a text message this morning

'I know your going to be so pissed off but I've made a mistake! Not having you as a mate is so shit. I know I said I wouldnt do this but its just crap. Your my best mate and I miss your friendship loads already. I understand if you dont want to go back to being mates. Dont be angry. I just thought if you werent around it would be like we hadn't met, but its not'

...I haven't replied, I think I should tell him that he still needs to keep his distance from me and maybe get back in touch in a few weeks or something! What do you think?

OMG You never said he's done this before, you need to tell him to do one and come back when he's got his head straight.

Well, only he can decide if he's ready. If you tell him that, he'll just assume you don't want to speak to him again ever.

Yes

I'm a very upfront and honest person. I just don't know what decision to make about this. I feel like its not for me to decide what he does.

Fuck it, he's just called and he's coming over. Not sure I think this is a good idea. :mad: :mad: :mad:

No but it is for you to decide how much you're willing to put up with. ZOMG coming over (I'm assuming/hoping Emma's with you now)

It's not for you to decide what he does - but it is for you to decide what you're willing to take. I agree with Kanabia, stay honest and tell him - explain to him - how you feel.

I hope it works out. Keeping my fingers crossed for you P :)

Me too + I'm crossing everything!

I meant everything I said the other day, 11 numbers, you know what they are. Anytime;)

*hugs*

I always got the impression you were closer to 30-ish.

*cough* funny, 25 sounded about right to me. *coughcough*

I rather disagree. I find you to be a refreshingly insightful and an absolute delight.

Ah, but that's just it. It's when you disagree with her. :p

What have you been learning and who needs some fingers readjusted? o.0

We refer to them as...Versa and Vice.

I meant everything I said the other day, 11 numbers, you know what they are. Anytime;)

You gave her your credit card number? :confused:

:p

You gave her your credit card number? :confused:

:p

:D
*LMAO*

aw dammit that's where my HUGE debt's come from! I gotta stop giving that out!
*cuts up cc*
:p

Hmm? I'm not familiar with that one, want to explain? :confused:
St Bridget was ever so beautiful.
She constantly got marriage proposals.
She prayed for ugliness.
God granted it.
She was no longer harrased by men.
God gave her her beauty back. :)

Then she went on to do something...
I can't be arsed looking in my room for the book of Irishness or on teh web.

:D
*LMAO*

aw dammit that's where my HUGE debt's come from! I gotta stop giving that out!
*cuts up cc*
:p
You doing anything bad to Commie Catholics and i'll rearange your face!:mad: (http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smilies/tongue.gif)
[/joke]

*cough* funny, 25 sounded about right to me. *coughcough*
Very well could be.

Ah, but that's just it. It's when you disagree with her. :p
I agree with her on some things, you know. Those times she usually asks for a glass of port...or a dueling glove. Either one.

:D
*LMAO*

aw dammit that's where my HUGE debt's come from! I gotta stop giving that out!
*cuts up cc*
:p

I was gonna use that.:mad::p

You doing anything bad to Commie Catholics and i'll rearange your face!:mad: (http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smilies/tongue.gif)
[/joke]


OH RLY?

Haven't I seen you before somewhere? (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=internet+tough+guy):D

*pieces cc back together with crazy glue*

There.....good as new:p




I was gonna use that.:mad::p

http://home.maine.rr.com/waassaap/Forum%20Pictures/giveadamnprogress9fr5dg1mq.gif

http://home.maine.rr.com/waassaap/Forum%20Pictures/giveadamnprogress9fr5dg1mq.gif

Cute :)

Cute :)


*blushes*

Why thankyou Gravlen!;)

http://home.maine.rr.com/waassaap/Forum%20Pictures/giveadamnprogress9fr5dg1mq.gif
*steals*
*blushes*

Why thankyou Gravlen!;)

He says that to all the pretty girls.:p

*steals*


He says that to all the pretty girls.:p


*laughs*:p

*blushes again*

*laughs*:p

*blushes again*

Dammit I wanna know what's happened!

*wants P to come online and enlighten us*

She will. When she's ready. All things in their season, my friend.:)

Yeah I know [/impatient]

Yeah I know [/impatient]

The best thing you can do for her right now is to have patience.

The best thing you can do for her right now is to have patience.

*twiddles thumbs*

*Edits*

*twiddles thumbs*

*Edits*

You worry too much.:p

You worry too much.:p

Actually yes, after seeing her and discussing this on MSN I was worried, my waking thought the next morning was "I wonder if P's ok". Me worrying about stuff is what led me to cracking up when I was 20. Those days are long gone. That discussion is not for spamming P's thread with.

Actually yes, after seeing her and discussing this on MSN I was worried, my waking thought the next morning was "I wonder if P's ok". Me worrying about stuff is what led me to cracking up when I was 20. Those days are long gone. That discussion is not for spamming P's thread with.

No, it isn't. To be honest, I've been concerned myself, but there isn't any help for it at the moment, so just sit tight.

Methinks he just needs to do a diddy bit o' growing up.



Fuck it P I told you before, it's his fault NOT yours, he knows how you feel and then did all what he did, reminds me of a kid throwing a tantrum to get what he wants IMO.



OMG You never said he's done this before, you need to tell him to do one and come back when he's got his head straight.



Yes



No but it is for you to decide how much you're willing to put up with. ZOMG coming over (I'm assuming/hoping Emma's with you now)



Me too + I'm crossing everything!

I meant everything I said the other day, 11 numbers, you know what they are. Anytime;)

*hugs*

It wasn't Emma coming round it was Sam, and she turned up not long after he arrived so it was ok. Thanks for your support guys, and advice, especially Matt and Grav...and Bottle and Kanabia...etc etc :)

I appreciate what you guys have said. As for the situation now, I don't know.

It's good in that theres no sort of 'ohh we're not talking' between us. He basically said he'd rather have me as a friend rather than not at all. I made it clear how upset I'd been and he got it I think.
Haven't seen much of eachother since which I think is good. That night he did go quiet, said he was just tired and left early...which really annoyed me because it was that same, cold, kinda upset, quiet air that happened before. So I think I'm just going with it, and making sure we arent living in each others pockets. Bit of space is good.

So yes...grrr!

Aw guys, I just read the rest of the thread, you guys being concerned! Don't be I'm ard! (not all the time, I am human). It did get to me, but I'm cool with it at the moment, other things on my mind. If it sparks up again I'm going to be quite blunt and tell him that he needs to sort it out.

*inserts fluffle equivilant*

xxxxx

Aw guys, I just read the rest of the thread, you guys being concerned! Don't be I'm ard! (not all the time, I am human). It did get to me, but I'm cool with it at the moment, other things on my mind. If it sparks up again I'm going to be quite blunt and tell him that he needs to sort it out.

*inserts fluffle equivilant*

xxxxx

i hope you do

Aw guys, I just read the rest of the thread, you guys being concerned! Don't be I'm ard! (not all the time, I am human). It did get to me, but I'm cool with it at the moment, other things on my mind. If it sparks up again I'm going to be quite blunt and tell him that he needs to sort it out.

*inserts fluffle equivilant*

xxxxx

Some of us just genuinely care sometimes. Even for people we don't know. Just how we are. Can't speak for everyone who posted, of course, but some of us are like that.

Some of us just genuinely care sometimes. Even for people we don't know. Just how we are. Can't speak for everyone who posted, of course, but some of us are like that.

*nods*:)

*nods*:)

I figured you'd make some poorly worded but hearfelt claim to always caring.:p

I figured you'd make some poorly worded but hearfelt claim to always caring.:p

uh-huh

True when it comes to P and a few others.

Hehehe I saw a girl that looked like Peechland today! God I need to get a life outside of NS.:p

It wasn't Emma coming round it was Sam, and she turned up not long after he arrived so it was ok. Thanks for your support guys, and advice, especially Matt and Grav...and Bottle and Kanabia...etc etc :)

Anytime you need it P, antime... :)

You'rehttp://www.freesmileys.org/emo/ad/welcome.gif

:D

uh-huh

True when it comes to P and a few others.

Hehehe I saw a girl that looked like Peechland today! God I need to get a life outside of NS.:p

Peechland, you say? Jebus, I haven't seen Peeches around much in forever...:(

I think it all depends on the people. I broke up with my girlfriend several months ago. She text messeges me every once in awhile. I don't reply but whenever I go to the county she lives in to visit some of my friends, we sometimes get together and "do" stuff. :D

I think I may start returning text messeges now since it's been awhile.

I think it all depends on the people. I broke up with my girlfriend several months ago. She text messeges me every once in awhile. I don't reply but whenever I go to the county she lives in to visit some of my friends, we sometimes get together and "do" stuff. :D

I think I may start returning text messeges now since it's been awhile.

So that's a "no"?

I think it all depends on the people. I broke up with my girlfriend several months ago. She text messeges me every once in awhile. I don't reply but whenever I go to the county she lives in to visit some of my friends, we sometimes get together and "do" stuff. :D

I think I may start returning text messeges now since it's been awhile.
How does that even make sense?:confused: You people make no sense to me sometimes.Well, actually, it's probably sense that I don't like. Just seems distasteful. Which could be a product of my own naivete or overly Romanticist notions....

This has been a production of Epiphany, Inc. Please disregard anything you might have just read and vacate the room before your computer self-destructs. Thank you. Come again.
So that's a "no"?

Maybe?

So that's a "no"?

It would be a yes and a no. Yes when I go visit other friends who live near her. We'll get together, she makes the first move and with me being a guy (single) and her being all over me and feeling me, I can't just say no.

But the no comes into play when I'm 65 miles away from her and have a choice to either answer the phone or not.

It would be a yes and a no. Yes when I go visit other friends who live near her. We'll get together, she makes the first move and with me being a guy (single) and her being all over me and feeling me, I can't just say no.

But the no comes into play when I'm 65 miles away from her and have a choice to either answer the phone or not.

No, you could say no, but you're too selfish to do so.:p

No, you could say no, but you're too selfish to do so.:p

I need to find me a nice local girl. Then I could say No and mean it. :D

Actually, I do recall the first time I went up there after the break up, she had gotten me into her bedroom but I said no because I didn't have any protection but she was pretty determined but I did stick to my guns about it. I left happy anyways if you know what I'm saying...(more ways than one to please.....)

It would be a yes and a no. Yes when I go visit other friends who live near her. We'll get together, she makes the first move and with me being a guy (single) and her being all over me and feeling me, I can't just say no.

But the no comes into play when I'm 65 miles away from her and have a choice to either answer the phone or not.

Ah. So it is a no then. I don't see any friendship here. Sex-buddies, not friends.

I need to find me a nice local girl. Then I could say No and mean it. :D

Actually, I do recall the first time I went up there after the break up, she had gotten me into her bedroom but I said no because I didn't have any protection but she was pretty determined but I did stick to my guns about it. I left happy anyways if you know what I'm saying...(more ways than one to please.....)
Or you could just develop some real balls?:rolleyes:
Ah. So it is a no then. I don't see any friendship here. Sex-buddies, not friends.
Exactly. And that's not a relationship I like. It seems...lacking...somehow superficial...