NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok heres the story.


Im walking around, minding my own business occassionally noticing this girl whos a friend of a friends girlfriend.
Shes pretty.
So me and my friend and his girlfriend and her go out one night (there were other people i dont really care to know)
We go out for a while.
3 months
Breakup
Within the week go back out.
2 months.
Breakup
2 weeks apart
go back out.
1 month but without anyone knowing unless they directly asked.
Breakup.
Best friends for a while about 3 months.
Arguement, stop talking for about a month.
She goes out with my Ex-StepBrother (fucked up family)
for a week, breaks up with him.
Were best friends again.
Another arguement.
Recently we started talking again and we're becomming best friends again, but the thing is i still really like her.
I dont wanna ask her out in case it causes an arguement, or just makes things awkward.
Advice?

Feel free to talk about your problems too :D

Advice?

I don't know. Look both ways before crossing the street and eat your vegetables.

if you really like (like "I can stop thinking about her" stuff) I'd ask here out or find out if she feels the same way or something.

to qoute SW: search your feelings. and do as you feel like.

if you really like (like "I can stop thinking about her" stuff) I'd ask here out or find out if she feels the same way or something.

to qoute SW: search your feelings. and do as you feel like.

Yehh tried that, bit cryptic. stuff like "So do you fancy anyone?" "I like older guys/i like someone but its a bit awkward/i like one of my ex's" i dont push the last 2 as last time it turned out to be my brother.

I'd reccomend studying up on spelling and grammar...



Sorry, I know I sound grumpy, but that's because I am. I've been on a complete emotional roller coaster the past couple weeks, because I'm making an idiot out of myself for a guy who probably only sees me as a friend. A friend is better than nothing, but sometimes I can't help but like him. He's just one of those guys, you know? He looks you in the eye and makes you feel really special, but then you go off for two minutes, and come back and he's getting a shoulder massage from another girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid TC!

I think you need to talk to this girl. I know you like her alot, but what's the point of a relationship that's continually splitting apart? I'm sure she'll be flattered if you tell her your feelings, but be careful not to come on too strong and scare her away. Give it a little time before you make a move, to see where she's at. If both of you are looking to get together, sit down for a nice chat beforehand. Figure out if there is some underlying reason why you keep fighting (aka: one or both of you aren't listening, you're moving too fast, etc) and brainstorm ways to fix the problem. If you don't feel you can move past the instability, then don't try again. Leave it be some time, remaining "just friends," and, either move on from her (you will, believe me), or take it sloooooow. Sexual tension is fun, but constant battles are not.

Advice?


Fire.
*nods*

well all I can say is nothing ventures nothing gains, which is a bit hypocritical coming from a surly, cowardly pessimistic guy like me

I'd reccomend studying up on spelling and grammar...



Sorry, I know I sound grumpy, but that's because I am. I've been on a complete emotional roller coaster the past couple weeks, because I'm making an idiot out of myself for a guy who probably only sees me as a friend. A friend is better than nothing, but sometimes I can't help but like him. He's just one of those guys, you know? He looks you in the eye and makes you feel really special, but then you go off for two minutes, and come back and he's getting a shoulder massage from another girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid TC!

I think you need to talk to this girl. I know you like her alot, but what's the point of a relationship that's continually splitting apart? I'm sure she'll be flattered if you tell her your feelings, but be careful not to come on too strong and scare her away. Give it a little time before you make a move, to see where she's at. If both of you are looking to get together, sit down for a nice chat beforehand. Figure out if there is some underlying reason why you keep fighting (aka: one or both of you aren't listening, you're moving too fast, etc) and brainstorm ways to fix the problem. If you don't feel you can move past the instability, then don't try again. Leave it be some time, remaining "just friends," and, either move on from her (you will, believe me), or take it sloooooow. Sexual tension is fun, but constant battles are not.


Was the girls back aching? get him drunk, fuck him. that'll do the trick for guys.
Underlying reasons.
My friend whos girlfriend is her friend is her worst enemy.
She tends to be very secretive.
She tends to be rather cold regarding me.
She tends to only have a social life at 2am-5am. even though she works normal hours, as such im normally tired when i see her.
I tend to take little things as a sign she likes me.
I tend to have a political opinion whereas she hates the whole thing and dislikes my career choice ect.

In my many years of dating, I am currently dating a guy with whom I used to have break-ups all the time. We got to the point where we grew up some and realized that we love each other very much and it's just not worth breaking up everytime we run into a problem. It's not that we don't still have problems and occasionally the temptation to tuck tail and flee arises, but we work through that.

Maybe you could just have a talk with her and try to determine if a relationship is something the both of you can work through this time around, or if it's best to "wait and see".

In my many years of dating, I am currently dating a guy with whom I used to have break-ups all the time. We got to the point where we grew up some and realized that we love each other very much and it's just not worth breaking up everytime we run into a problem. It's not that we don't still have problems and occasionally the temptation to tuck tail and flee arises, but we work through that.

Maybe you could just have a talk with her and try to determine if a relationship is something the both of you can work through this time around, or if it's best to "wait and see".

my thinking exactly, were it not for the fact that ive seen the episode of scrubs with "the friend zone."

my thinking exactly, were it not for the fact that ive seen the episode of scrubs with "the friend zone."

Well, you could try what we did. We just kept going for broke until eventually we got it right, or as close to right as we're ever going to get. It's very time consuming and often difficult to ignore the urge to strangle the other person, but -and I know this is corny- if it's meant to be...

Was the girls back aching? get him drunk, fuck him. that'll do the trick for guys.
Underlying reasons.
My friend whos girlfriend is her friend is her worst enemy.
She tends to be very secretive.
She tends to be rather cold regarding me.
She tends to only have a social life at 2am-5am. even though she works normal hours, as such im normally tired when i see her.
I tend to take little things as a sign she likes me.
I tend to have a political opinion whereas she hates the whole thing and dislikes my career choice ect.

No, the girl was the one doing the massage. She was massaging everybody, though. But she also has a special nickname for him. But I have inside jokes with him, too. But several other, better-looking girls are all over him. But once he told me that guys "always want the one they can't have," which means he wouldn't like girls who are all over him, would he? And he always looks me in the eye when we talk. But who's to say he doesn't do that with all girls? But when he missed rehersals, he chose me to ask about what he'd missed, and he gave me his music to listen to after we found out we share a favourite band. But while I was listening to it, he forgot about me, and started talking to some other girls. But he came back, and we had one of our twenty minute long conversations that seem to cover every topic imaginable. But he doesn't seem to look for me in a crowd, like he's supposed to, and he's got many, many female friends he enjoys touching and hugging, and I'll probably just become one of those. Aggh! See, I just run around it circles trying to put logic behind an illogical situation.

Anyways, looks like you guys have got some serious, serious issues going on. A discussion is definately in order. Let her know that you feel she's being cold and secretive, and let her tell you what you're doing wrong, too (it's only fair). If you both make an effort to figure out what's going on, and she gives a sufficient explanation (not excuse) for her behaviour, then there might be something worth salvaging. But if she refuses to cooperate and continues to blow you off, give it up. She's not worth your tears. May I reccomend some cookie dough icecream?

Way too much upkeep in this relationship.

No, the girl was the one doing the massage. She was massaging everybody, though. But she also has a special nickname for him. But I have inside jokes with him, too. But several other, better-looking girls are all over him. But once he told me that guys "always want the one they can't have," which means he wouldn't like girls who are all over him, would he? And he always looks me in the eye when we talk. But who's to say he doesn't do that with all girls? But when he missed rehersals, he chose me to ask about what he'd missed, and he gave me his music to listen to after we found out we share a favourite band. But while I was listening to it, he forgot about me, and started talking to some other girls. But he came back, and we had one of our twenty minute long conversations that seem to cover every topic imaginable. But he doesn't seem to look for me in a crowd, like he's supposed to, and he's got many, many female friends he enjoys touching and hugging, and I'll probably just become one of those. Aggh! See, I just run around it circles trying to put logic behind an illogical situation.

Anyways, looks like you guys have got some serious, serious issues going on. A discussion is definately in order. Let her know that you feel she's being cold and secretive, and let her tell you what you're doing wrong, too (it's only fair). If you both make an effort to figure out what's going on, and she gives a sufficient explanation (not excuse) for her behaviour, then there might be something worth salvaging. But if she refuses to cooperate and continues to blow you off, give it up. She's not worth your tears. May I reccomend some cookie dough icecream?

Cookie dough. yum. but i have the whole strong an dependant thing going on with most of my friends. if i recoil into my own self-pity for a bit then they'll question their existance :p
yeehh discussion. thing is if i discuss something like say...
"So... why do you hate him so much?"
"I just do."
its the kind of awnser i get. if i push the matter im nagging.

Advice?

I don't know. Look both ways before crossing the street and eat your vegetables.

Sounds like a good opportunity for a quick fuck (if she's any good at it), and then be on your way.

well all I can say is nothing ventures nothing gains, which is a bit hypocritical coming from a surly, cowardly pessimistic guy like me

Nothing wrong with cowardly pessimism. It's rather enjoyable when you get into it :D

Anyhoo, as for advice...

Invite her to an informal dinner at a local, preferably well known restaurant. Nothing romantic, you must understand, just something between friends. Make a point of it being what she likes. She'll be more likely to be happy being there.

Then, in the middle of dinner, draw the conversation toward relationships. Tell her you've been thinking about her a lot, and that you'd really liked the time you were in a relationship, and that you'd like her to consider "rekindling the romance you/we had".

Alternatively, blub like a baby and beg.

Either way, you could be shot down like a Spitfire Squadron taking on a lone Polish Biplane. Or, you could be looking at a happily ever after.

Depends how she feels.

Nothing wrong with cowardly pessimism. It's rather enjoyable when you get into it :D

Anyhoo, as for advice...

Invite her to an informal dinner at a local, preferably well known restaurant. Nothing romantic, you must understand, just something between friends. Make a point of it being what she likes. She'll be more likely to be happy being there.

Then, in the middle of dinner, draw the conversation toward relationships. Tell her you've been thinking about her a lot, and that you'd really liked the time you were in a relationship, and that you'd like her to consider "rekindling the romance you/we had".

Alternatively, blub like a baby and beg.

Either way, you could be shot down like a Spitfire Squadron taking on a lone Polish Biplane. Or, you could be looking at a happily ever after.

Depends how she feels.

... how about a blanket a bottle of wine some food and a random field at 3 am.?

Cookie dough. yum. but i have the whole strong an dependant thing going on with most of my friends. if i recoil into my own self-pity for a bit then they'll question their existance :p
yeehh discussion. thing is if i discuss something like say...
"So... why do you hate him so much?"
"I just do."
its the kind of awnser i get. if i push the matter im nagging.

Well, then she's not opening up to you and being honest, and you have to call her out on that. If she continually shuts down when you try to have open discussions with her, then you're going to run into problems. It's okay to disagree, but saying she hates a good friend of yours for no reason isn't a good sign. There is a chance that she's scared to tell you the reason she hates him, for some reason or another, so you have to make sure she feels comfortable and trusts you. Let her know that, should she give a reason why she hates him, you won't judge her for it.

... how about a blanket a bottle of wine some food and a random field at 3 am.?

Make it a nice field. No cows or any crap like that. Nice field. With a view! And 3 a.m.? Shouldn't you all be in bed at that hour?

Make it red wine, too. Rose. Definately good stuff. But have food that goes with the wine. Chicken, fish, that sort of thing with Rose. Or no food. Always good with Rose, having it on it's own.

Nothing wrong with cowardly pessimism. It's rather enjoyable when you get into it :D

I find it's the only way


Either way, you could be shot down like a Spitfire Squadron taking on a lone Polish Biplane. Or, you could be looking at a happily ever after.

lol

I find it's the only way


Too true.

OOC:Why is it a thread must always die after I post?

Do I have some sort of Nuclear Bomb effect on you people?

no you just need to wait a bit.

It happened earlier...half an hour and no posts...I felt rejected...

My pessimism coming out again...how I love it so...

*nod* yes I can feel it flowing through you such delight.

Recently we started talking again and we're becomming best friends again, but the thing is i still really like her.
I dont wanna ask her out in case it causes an arguement, or just makes things awkward.
Advice?

Feel free to talk about your problems too :D
It sounds to me like you want to date her again. So... go ahead and do, but don't be surprised if it blows up again.

On-again off-again relationships sometimes act like they're fated, and sometimes act like they're doomed. I recommend that if you do wind up dating her again, you sit down with her and make sure you both know what you would like to see from your relationship and why, but that may be my inner pedant talking.
Aggh! See, I just run around it circles trying to put logic behind an illogical situation.
Just work up the nerve to ask him directly sometime. Alone is probably best so you can get a straight answer in private. You probably will find it difficult (this is normal, so don't be worried about feeling nervous), but I think the only other way you'd reach certainty is if he started dating another girl, and you don't want to wait around for that. He probably will eventually, even if he likes you more than anyone else.

Just work up the nerve to ask him directly sometime. Alone is probably best so you can get a straight answer in private. You probably will find it difficult (this is normal, so don't be worried about feeling nervous), but I think the only other way you'd reach certainty is if he started dating another girl, and you don't want to wait around for that. He probably will eventually, even if he likes you more than anyone else.


I know that's the reasonable thing, but I'm way too scared. I've got to give it a bit longer so I can get some kind of reading on how he feels for me. Currently, I spend half the time thinking he likes me, and half the time thinking he doesn't, and that's not enough certainty for me to risk getting my heart broken. I pretty much figure I've got to make a move before December, because that's when I'll stop seeing him every other day, and, should I not make a move, will probably never see him again. I'm just hoping he doesn't choose some other girl before then. And, if he chooses me, I'm hoping it doesn't create too much drama with the four or so other girls who like him, and the twenty or so other girls who flirt with him. Uggh. Why can't he be one of those guys that only I see the potential in?

I know that's the reasonable thing, but I'm way too scared. I've got to give it a bit longer so I can get some kind of reading on how he feels for me. Currently, I spend half the time thinking he likes me, and half the time thinking he doesn't, and that's not enough certainty for me to risk getting my heart broken. I pretty much figure I've got to make a move before December, because that's when I'll stop seeing him every other day, and, should I not make a move, will probably never see him again. I'm just hoping he doesn't choose some other girl before then. And, if he chooses me, I'm hoping it doesn't create too much drama with the four or so other girls who like him, and the twenty or so other girls who flirt with him. Uggh. Why can't he be one of those guys that only I see the potential in?
See? You already knew everything I told you.

You should have seen me when I was what I'm guessing your age is. Stark. Terrified.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be to ask him (either to go out with you, or whether or not he likes you) - and if there are four or so other girls who like him, the odds are not bad that he's going to wind up going out with the first one who asks.

Frankly, it sounds like you're already dealing with the rough equivalent in unhappiness from anxiety about it, and two more months of that won't be very pleasant... and I doubt that your "read" of the situation will get any better than it is now in any case. Been there, done that, had my regrets.

You just need to find some way of focusing your frustrations towards each other without having to break up. My advice to you is to put her up on the wooden horse and allow her to do something similar to you. :)

Advice?

Never Eat Shredded Wheat

Forget about her, shes not worth it.

Meh. i told her how i felt today.
I said something like
I still really like you i think, i know you probobly dont feel the same way... and ive tried to move on but i cant do it. I was wondering if youd just maybe think about it for a while, and if you decide not then i wont mind i mean its probobly just a crush.

to which she replied.
"Im gonna go to bed now, i have a cold. see you tommorow."

Ouch. Spitfires and Biplanes, I tell you.

Anyhoo, despite my incessant pessimism, that could have gone two ways.

She may actually have a cold. Or it is my previous scenario. My personal opinion, knowing women in my area: The latter. I apologise.

Depends whether you're a half-full or a half-empty person I suppose.

Next idea - take the restaurant!

Ouch. Spitfires and Biplanes, I tell you.

Anyhoo, despite my incessant pessimism, that could have gone two ways.

She may actually have a cold. Or it is my previous scenario. My personal opinion, knowing women in my area: The latter. I apologise.

Depends whether you're a half-full or a half-empty person I suppose.

Next idea - take the restaurant!

do you think she might have been just not awnsering but thinking about it?

Very possibly. I have every confidence it's awkward for her. She may like you, but just too proud to say it outright.

Thinking about it that way, you could be in for a chance old bean. Just hold steady, don't get too weepy, and for god sakes, don't blub if she says no. Be a man. :D

Very possibly. I have every confidence it's awkward for her.

Thinking about it that way, you could be in for a chance old bean. Just hold steady, don't get too weepy, and for god sakes, don't blub if she says no. Be a man. :D

I'll do what ive planned to do if she says no.
"Meh, just as well i kinda figured youd say that and i thought some more and i might go back out with my ex."

"Meh, just as well i kinda figured youd say that and i thought some more and i might go back out with my ex."

Now, assuming you weren't joking, whatever you do:

do not say that.

You will have the effect of the USA's entire nuclear arsenal on any chance you ever had with her. Ever. Ever ever.