NationStates Jolt Archive

My teenage daughter is pregnant. It is not good news and it should be shouldn't it? it is a shock to us all, she is not very old and it was not planned. I am not sure how to feel, act or what to say or think right now. I haven't told anyone I know and nobody in the family knows either. I just feel like I am going to burst if I don't tell anyone...so I am sharing it with NSG, like any healthy well adjusted Mum should.

My teenage daughter is pregnant. It is not good news and it should be shouldn't it? it is a shock to us all, she is not very old and it was not planned. I am not sure how to feel, act or what to say or think right now. I haven't told anyone I know and nobody in the family knows either. I just feel like I am going to burst if I don't tell anyone...so I am sharing it with NSG, like any healthy well adjusted Mum should.

How old is she?

Just turned 18

Well, then, technically, it's not your problem. Sorry mate, but apart from your advice, this is her problem and it's her decision that counts.

No, it isn't good news. You just described my nightmare--my daughter is 16 and is living with her redneck mother and I worry about that constantly.

Congratulations.

Well, then, technically, it's not your problem. Sorry mate, but apart from your advice, this is her problem and it's her decision that counts.

I know that bit....I am not dumb, just sad.

I am sitting back watching as her life falls apart, whatever decision she makes will be wrong at some point in her life. She is unhappy, feeling crap, I have to be strong but feel devastated. I can't tell her what to do, because I don't know. Life sucks and being a Mum is too fucking hard sometimes.

My teenage daughter is pregnant. It is not good news and it should be shouldn't it? it is a shock to us all, she is not very old and it was not planned. I am not sure how to feel, act or what to say or think right now. I haven't told anyone I know and nobody in the family knows either. I just feel like I am going to burst if I don't tell anyone...so I am sharing it with NSG, like any healthy well adjusted Mum should.

First and foremost, you daughter needs your support. She needs to know that no matter what happens next, that you're going to always be there and love her. And her baby should she decide to keep it.

That's step one.

Step two is to find the father of her baby and beat his testicles swollen with a baseball bat. It'll give you time to think. :)

Step three is to help your daughter dcide what to do: Does she love that bastard whose balls you just bashed? Is marriage an option? What about adoption? Abortion? Single motherhood? I have to tell you, that as much as I frown on abortion, single teenaged motherhood will be a terrible burden on her. Maybe an adoption within the family? Do you have any close kin who would and could love a child?

Step four, at least nine months from now, after all of this has been answered and the baby situation has settled down will be to yell at her for all the bullshit she put you through. :)

Sorry mate, but apart from your advice, this is her problem and it's her decision that counts.
Speaking of advice: Carisbrooke, do you want any from us, or would it be better if we just listen sympathetically?

I know that bit....I am not dumb, just sad.

I am sitting back watching as her life falls apart, whatever decision she makes will be wrong at some point in her life. She is unhappy, feeling crap, I have to be strong but feel devastated. I can't tell her what to do, because I don't know. Life sucks and being a Mum is too fucking hard sometimes.LG's right-that's solid advice. Much as I would be pissed if my daughter wound up pregnant any time soon, she'd still always have my support.

if she is planning on having and keeping the baby, then congratulations. your grandchild will bring great joy to your life.

if the die is cast, no sense looking on the bad side. your daughter will do her best in difficult circumstances.

if she is ready, start telling people about it as if it were a great thing. she will need it to be as happy a time as possible and, really, after the baby is here, you will forget all about how disappointed you are in how s/he was brought into the world.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

I don't know Safalra...

Thank you LG. that was good advice. She is a beautiful girl, with a burgeoning modeling career, but she has struggled with anorexia and took an overdose last year in an attempt to get her no good useless father to see her...he refused to go to the hospital whilst I was there. I have not told him (we are divorced) and I don't know if we should.

I feel like I can't do anything right, I want to make it better and I know that I can't, whatever.

have not told him (we are divorced) and I don't know if we should.

To be 100% brutally honest...there is no we. Your daughter, though she may be young, is an adult. The choice of whom to tell about HER pregnancy is hers and hers alone. If she wishes to tell her father about it, that is her choice. If she wishes not to tell her father, that is your choice. The only thing you should do is honor whatever choice she makes and tell no one without her permission.

I dont know what she believes in one way or the other, so I dont know what choices are open to her.
Its certain that this will change the path her life was taking.

However- Should she decide she is going to have this child, I would try to be as supportive and happy for her as possible.Once its clear what she wants to do-stand behind her. Dont let this develop into a divide between mother and daughter. She needs you more than ever now.

And dont let her decision be affected by what other people will think about her. If any of them are worth a damn, they'll be standing by her and supporting her, no matter what she chooses to do.

And throw the notions of shame right out the window.

Just turned 18

It could be a lot worse. And personally when you see your grandchild for the first time I doub't you'll feel this is a bad thing in the long run.

I don't know the specifics of this case, and although implied - is she planning on keeping the baby or having an abortion/adoption?

Is the father on the scene or is he a low life piece of human garbage who'll run out on his kid before they're even born?

What were her plans before this? Work? Career? Education?

If she is going to keep the baby I suggest you do everything you can to support her and help her through this very hard time.

I don't know Safalra...

Thank you LG. that was good advice. She is a beautiful girl, with a burgeoning modeling career, but she has struggled with anorexia and took an overdose last year in an attempt to get her no good useless father to see her...he refused to go to the hospital whilst I was there. I have not told him (we are divorced) and I don't know if we should.

I feel like I can't do anything right, I want to make it better and I know that I can't, whatever.

Just being around is a big help. Honestly.

Is she still going to school? Do you have time to help her with rearing the child?

My teenage daughter is pregnant.

It'll be tough, but be supportive and work with the situation as a family.

My congratulations to you, grandma!

Children are a blessing ... even if they are a surprise. :)

I have not made this very clear, I AM HUGELY proud of her. She is a wonderful person. I am sad that this has happened for her at this time as it is not what she wanted. I realise that she is an adult and that this is all her decision. I am supporting her and will always stand by her, no matter what.

SHe doesn't want to tell her father, she does not see him and that is her choice and not mine. I would like her to be happy and make the choice that is right for her.

I just wanted to share how I feel, because I can't really any other way.

You said beat the guy but does it not take two to tango? Nothing was said of rape So that leaves me to believe that it was consentual. She made a choice, now she should live with the consequences of that choice. It's called responsibility. Life will go on.

I say support her to the best of your abilities. Allow life to take it's course.

My teenage daughter is pregnant. It is not good news and it should be shouldn't it? it is a shock to us all, she is not very old and it was not planned. I am not sure how to feel, act or what to say or think right now. I haven't told anyone I know and nobody in the family knows either. I just feel like I am going to burst if I don't tell anyone...so I am sharing it with NSG, like any healthy well adjusted Mum should.

best and only thing you can do is give her support. Do not be afraid to scold her for her irresponsible behavior but let her know that her family has got her back. Who knows, this experience may make her a much more respnsible person in the long run.

I am supporting her and will always stand by her, no matter what.

Then all is right with the world. You are my hero. :)

I know that bit....I am not dumb, just sad.

I am sitting back watching as her life falls apart, whatever decision she makes will be wrong at some point in her life. She is unhappy, feeling crap, I have to be strong but feel devastated. I can't tell her what to do, because I don't know. Life sucks and being a Mum is too fucking hard sometimes.

You have to take a deep breath and try to change your perspective- How many people look at getting pregnant as a welcome blessing?

Life doesnt suck....in a few short months, she may have the baby-you and she will hold it and not believe that you were ever this sad. A year from now, you wont be able to imagine life without the baby-your grandchild.
Or-if she makes another choice, this will have been a nasty bump in the road-But she;ll be secure in the fact Mom stood with her -and you'll be glad you were there for her.

She is irresponsible. She knows that, I know that. The father is 17 and whilst not running away, is not falling over himself either. But that said, he has his own difficulties with an alcoholic and abusive father. I work, and have just taken on a mortgage to pay off my ex husband so I can't not work. I have been trying to talk to her, but she is doing this 'act lie everything is OK' thing that she does, and at the moment I am not getting anywhere fast with her. She just left school in September because she didn't know what she wanted to do and felt a year out was a good idea, and so she just started a new job. But she has to keep coming home because she is being sick all the time. So I don't think that they will keep her on.

I don't know Safalra...
In that case, I'll wade in with some probably useless advice...

She is a beautiful girl, with a burgeoning modeling career, but she has struggled with anorexia and took an overdose last year in an attempt to get her no good useless father to see her...he refused to go to the hospital whilst I was there. I have not told him (we are divorced) and I don't know if we should.
He's certain to find out at some point. Of course, involving him now will probably cause more problems. Your daughter needs to be certain of what she wants to do before her father arrives (if he cares enough to do so) and throws things into more confusion.

Life sucks and being a Mum is too fucking hard sometimes.
But you don't regret it, do you? You need to tell her this.

She is irresponsible. She knows that, I know that. The father is 17 and whilst not running away, is not falling over himself either. But that said, he has his own difficulties with an alcoholic and abusive father. I work, and have just taken on a mortgage to pay off my ex husband so I can't not work. I have been trying to talk to her, but she is doing this 'act lie everything is OK' thing that she does, and at the moment I am not getting anywhere fast with her. She just left school in September because she didn't know what she wanted to do and felt a year out was a good idea, and so she just started a new job. But she has to keep coming home because she is being sick all the time. So I don't think that they will keep her on.

If your daughter wanted an abortion, would you support that decision?

I have not made this very clear, I AM HUGELY proud of her. She is a wonderful person. I am sad that this has happened for her at this time as it is not what she wanted. I realise that she is an adult and that this is all her decision. I am supporting her and will always stand by her, no matter what.

SHe doesn't want to tell her father, she does not see him and that is her choice and not mine. I would like her to be happy and make the choice that is right for her.

I just wanted to share how I feel, because I can't really any other way.


Regarding her father:

My father left when I was very young. Just took off one day.

When I was about fifteen, I met him again at my grandfather's funeral. I had an opportunity to pursue a reconciliation. I didn't because my mother was still angry at him(for good reason) and I thought that doing so would be like abandoning her. I regret that now. I don't know what would have happened, and I certainly don't have any regrets about my life in general, but I wish I knew my father a little better. If he was an asshole, I would have liked to make that determination myself.

The only reason I mention this is because I think you have to ask your daughter if she doesn't want anything to do with ther father for her sake, or because she doesn't want to disappoint you? Obviosuly, if she genuinely doesn't want anything to do with him, that's fine. But if she is avoiding him out of a sense of loyalty to you, she could regret it later.

I have not made this very clear, I AM HUGELY proud of her. She is a wonderful person. I am sad that this has happened for her at this time as it is not what she wanted. I realise that she is an adult and that this is all her decision. I am supporting her and will always stand by her, no matter what.

SHe doesn't want to tell her father, she does not see him and that is her choice and not mine. I would like her to be happy and make the choice that is right for her.

I just wanted to share how I feel, because I can't really any other way.

Some people arent ready or prepared to have a baby at 25 or 30 yrs old. Some have babies when they are 15-and do fine.

maybe 18 isnt ideal for her-but it isnt the end of her world. Its unexpected, yeah-but with the right frame of mind-she-and you-can make it wonderful.

Just dont let this kid be born into shame and resentment. There is no reason for it.

I have one daughter- she'll be three in December. And I hope I remember my words now in case I ever need to.
Yeah-traditional people hope for traditional scenarios-but you havent lost the game of life because things didnt fit into your framework.

So-whn she decides to go through with it, wait til she is three or four months along-then-start planning a baby shower and announce it to everyone like the good news it is.

In that case, I'll wade in with some probably useless advice...


He's certain to find out at some point. Of course, involving him now will probably cause more problems. Your daughter needs to be certain of what she wants to do before her father arrives (if he cares enough to do so) and throws things into more confusion.


But you don't regret it, do you? You need to tell her this.

You are right, involving him would cause more problems.

I don't regret having her not one bit. I was single and she wasn't planned either, when I told her dad I was pregnant he told me to 'fuck off' and that I should get 'rid of it'

I didn't, and I would never ask or want her to do what I couldn't do. Her father did actually come back and we did marry and stay together miserably for years. She knows that being with someone can be as hard as being alone.

I think that she might not be keeping this baby, it seems to be the way she is leaning, but that might be because she doenst know what to do. I told her that I would stand by her and that I love her and always will.

You said beat the guy but does it not take two to tango? Nothing was said of rape So that leaves me to believe that it was consentual. She made a choice, now she should live with the consequences of that choice. It's called responsibility. Life will go on.

I say support her to the best of your abilities. Allow life to take it's course.

I love you! Unless she was raped, then she knew what the consequences were for having sex. As for the guy, the grandmother (or soon to be) has told us that the father is not running away. So can we knock off this "dead beat" dad bit? I mean jeez, it can't be easy on him either.

My advice: She is 18, she has to make her own choices, all you can really do is be there for her, support her, and guide her. That's all you can do.

By the way, she is not seeing her Dad because he treats her like shit everytime they have met...all of 2 in 8 months and the last time I had to go collect her and her brother and sister from a car park because they though that he was going to hurt them. He is an asshole, I am not being bitter or trying to stop them from seeing him I desperately want him to be the father that they deserve but he is not willing to do that. I would like to change that too.....but I am finding that I can't control a whole ton of stuff!

She is irresponsible. She knows that, I know that. The father is 17 and whilst not running away, is not falling over himself either. But that said, he has his own difficulties with an alcoholic and abusive father. I work, and have just taken on a mortgage to pay off my ex husband so I can't not work. I have been trying to talk to her, but she is doing this 'act lie everything is OK' thing that she does, and at the moment I am not getting anywhere fast with her. She just left school in September because she didn't know what she wanted to do and felt a year out was a good idea, and so she just started a new job. But she has to keep coming home because she is being sick all the time. So I don't think that they will keep her on.

We're all human, Caris. Did you have premarital sex before 18 yrs old ? I did.
People dont think I'm irresponsible when they deal with me now-I'm like a monument to responsibilty.
If all the people that didnt disappeared today, the world would be alot lighter all of a sudden.

If she got drunk and drove and wrecked the car and killed someone, that sucks-the reprecussions to her and her victims would be terrible.

Here- there are only BAD reprecussions if she decides there are. Its up to her wether this is going to be a negative event or a positive event.

If I were her I'd have an abortion. Not just because I'm callous; learning from others' mistakes it seems the better choice at about her age.

But I hope it turns out all right, no matter what she decides (and it generally does, if you make it). But that's the important thing, isn't it? For her to decide, not put it off until it's too late.

Bad luck, old girl.

So-whn she decides to go through with it, wait til she is three or four months along-then-start planning a baby shower and announce it to everyone like the good news it is.

Bingo.

I love you! Unless she was raped, then she knew what the consequences were for having sex. As for the guy, the grandmother (or soon to be) has told us that the father is not running away. So can we knock off this "dead beat" dad bit? I mean jeez, it can't be easy on him either.

My advice: She is 18, she has to make her own choices, all you can really do is be there for her, support her, and guide her. That's all you can do.

That's not the point. You don't beat the bejesus out of the guy because he did anything wrong, you beat the bejesus out of the guy because she's your daughter and going irrationally batshit insane on his horny ass is a sign of love and devotion to your daughter. It's also an excellent stress reliever. :)

Did you have premarital sex before 18 yrs old ? I did.

Yes I did, I am not mad at her, I am not wagging the finger either. I am not in a postion to. I just wanted to share and get some advice...this is actually making me feel better...isn't NSG a weird and wonderful place

Thank you all.

By the way, she is not seeing her Dad because he treats her like shit everytime they have met...all of 2 in 8 months and the last time I had to go collect her and her brother and sister from a car park because they though that he was going to hurt them. He is an asshole, I am not being bitter or trying to stop them from seeing him I desperately want him to be the father that they deserve but he is not willing to do that. I would like to change that too.....but I am finding that I can't control a whole ton of stuff!

Fuck him then. An ejaculation doesn't make you a father.

If I were her I'd have an abortion. Not just because I'm callous; learning from others' mistakes it seems the better choice at about her age.

That's what i'd say too. I know I couldn't support myself at 18, let alone a child.

But it's her decision at the end of the day.

I think that she might not be keeping this baby, it seems to be the way she is leaning, but that might be because she doenst know what to do. I told her that I would stand by her and that I love her and always will.

In reading your posts, I see now that you DO know what your talking about.
And that in choosing to stand by her while SHE chooses, you are a success as a Mom.
Stay your course, Carisbrooke. Keep treating her with your obvious love and concern. Whatever she chooses to do, will be right for her, if she has the luxury of actually choosing. If she lets others pressure the outcome, she'll likely always resent what happens.

I think that she might not be keeping this baby, it seems to be the way she is leaning, but that might be because she doenst know what to do.
That's a shame (I fall into the subgroup of liberals who support that right to choose but would very much prefer it if women to choose to keep the baby). I'll just mention that adoption is another option, and one which doesn't entail making a irreversable decision with only a short time for consideration.

I told her that I would stand by her and that I love her and always will.
See, you're a great mother really.

We're all human, Caris. Did you have premarital sex before 18 yrs old ? I did. People dont think I'm irresponsible when they deal with me now-I'm like a monument to responsibilty.

Did you tell them that you had pre-marital sex before 18 years old? I'm pretty sure it won't make a difference but you never know.

Did you have premarital sex before 18 yrs old ? I did.

Yes I did, I am not mad at her, I am not wagging the finger either. I am not in a postion to. I just wanted to share and get some advice...this is actually making me feel better...isn't NSG a weird and wonderful place

Thank you all.

I did too. As did the girls I had sex with. And most of our friends.

Its always stinks to be dealt a card you didnt expect, but you make yourself a winner or loser when you decide how to play it.

That's what i'd say too. I know I couldn't support myself at 18, let alone a child.

But it's her decision at the end of the day.

It's her choice. Here's why I don't favor abortion:

It's a potential life. I see every aborted child as a potential Mozart, DaVinci or Einstein lost. I despise abortion. But I stop short at enforcing my opinion on someone else. I also think that abortion is the easy way out. I think carrying a baby to term and giving it up for adoption teaches a valuable lesson about unprotected sex and responsibility.

But on the other hand, I'm dismayed at how many unadopted and unloved children there are every year. :(

Did you tell them that you had pre-marital sex before 18 years old? I'm pretty sure it won't make a difference but you never know.

Well-I'm 39 now- If it comes up in conversation, I'll offer it- just like in here. Its not something I was ashamed of then or now.

Was I ready to raise a child at 18? No. But some are-and some do a fine job of it.

Hell-at 39 now, I dont always feel like I'm suited to be a father. I never took it lightly. But I do know people that are only 15 or 18 years older than their biological parents-and are doing very well.

And I know others that had more mature parents that are doing lousy.

She knows just everything there is to know about my life. We talk and share and are open with each other (much more than most teenagers and their parents) she still is very teenagerish, still blames me for just about everything if the mood takes her, can be crabby and vile to all of us in the house. Is selfish and grouchy, lazy and slobby. Tall, beautiful, kind, funny with a smile that lights up the world. I am being told all the time by people how polite and lovely she is. I might not have been the worlds best Mom, I might have stayed married to the world biggest dickhead because I thought it was the right thing to do for my children. I might have shouted at her when she took an overdose and almost took herself away from us. I just want to make her life as wonderful as she deserves it to be....and I hate that I cant do that. I want a magic wand for Christmas please.

If you are a responsible, mature human being, you will allow your daughter to have an abortion, and provide her with all the release forms, financial and emotional support, and transportation she needs.

This is not a cold, cruel, "easy way out" liberal solution here. Abortion is an extremely serious matter, but so is your child's life. Her entire future will be altered forever if she allows this fetus to come to term. Her higher education plans are in jeopardy; if you are in any realistic financial situation, she will probably need to enter the workforce immediately. The "unwed teenage mothers" demographic, as well as the "children of unwed teenage mothers" demographic, are much more prone to crime, poverty, and suicide than most of the rest of society.

This woman- your daughter -can have a normal life. You can save her, and she can save herself, by having an abortion. People move on from abortions- contrary to conservative propaganda, everyone who has an abortion doesn't go out and lock themselves in a dark room and cry themselves to death. People do not move on from children; once it is born, your daughter's life is over: she will be working, probably minimum wage, all the time, she will probably never be able to achieve her higher education goals, and neither would her child. This is where the cycle of poverty begins, and you can save a lot of misery here, and give your daughter a new chance at a genuine life.

And that's all the advice I have to give. I look forward to the flame war.

I beat you by a bit Carnivorous Lickers, I was 40 in June.

It's her choice. Here's why I don't favor abortion:

It's a potential life. I see every aborted child as a potential Mozart, DaVinci or Einstein lost. I despise abortion. But I stop short at enforcing my opinion on someone else. I also think that abortion is the easy way out. I think carrying a baby to term and giving it up for adoption teaches a valuable lesson about unprotected sex and responsibility.

But on the other hand, I'm dismayed at how many unadopted and unloved children there are every year. :(

I understand and agree with both of your points. It certainly isnt something to be taken lightly.
In my opinion, it isnt up to me to impose my values on a person, one way or the other. Through laws, guilt or otherwise.

Its most important the person is able to make their own decision, know what they can live with and make that decision. The nlive with it, not dwelling on botterness or resentment one way or the other.

I dont agree with abortions used as birth control, or for people that continue to crank out kids they dont care for appropriately.

I beat you by a bit Carnivorous Lickers, I was 40 in June.

Well-Happy Birthday! A bit late then. You know the deal then-you can appreciate my position.

Sometimes, I look back and I'm scared that I have three kids. I must be doing something right-they are all flourishing and my wife seems content.

I understand and agree with both of your points. It certainly isnt something to be taken lightly.
In my opinion, it isnt up to me to impose my values on a person, one way or the other. Through laws, guilt or otherwise.

Its most important the person is able to make their own decision, know what they can live with and make that decision. The nlive with it, not dwelling on botterness or resentment one way or the other.

I dont agree with abortions used as birth control, or for people that continue to crank out kids they dont care for appropriately.

I think if anti-abortion activists spent half that energy offering support to unwed and teenaged mothers and improving the adoption systems, there would be a lot less abortions! *sigh*

congratualtions on becoming a grandmother

this is what i have heard about the subject, everything we did to our parents that caused them heart ache, will be paid back when we have children of our own, they will do the exact same to us. its a cycle known as life. there isnt much to escape it.

how did your mother react when you were first pregnant?

It's her choice. Here's why I don't favor abortion:

It's a potential life. I see every aborted child as a potential Mozart, DaVinci or Einstein lost. I despise abortion. But I stop short at enforcing my opinion on someone else. I also think that abortion is the easy way out. I think carrying a baby to term and giving it up for adoption teaches a valuable lesson about unprotected sex and responsibility.

But on the other hand, I'm dismayed at how many unadopted and unloved children there are every year. :(

I can understand your personal conviction on the case, but attempting to see it from her point of view, it'd be an intense financial burden. It's going to be tremendously difficult for her to raise that child, it's going to (even though it rightly shouldn't) hamper her prospects for future employment, she'll have no free time whilst her friends continue to go out enjoying themselves, and so on, for probably the next 20 years. Chances are that child won't really have enough chance to be nurtured into a genius and instead have to fight it's way up from the bottom of the social ladder upon reaching adulthood. And, as you pointed out, there's a chance she may not find a suitable adoptee and be stuck in that situation, should she decide to carry the child to term instead.

If I had to go through that hell at 18, I couldn't handle it. I don't think there are any 18 year olds out there that can reliably support themselves with the jobs open to us (i'd be in the same situation, i'm 20), let alone a child.

My Mum was angry, slapped my face and my father would not stay in a room with me for a fortnight let alone speak to me.

I have to say I dealt with it way better.

I just gave her a hug and told her that I love her.

I can understand your personal conviction on the case, but attempting to see it from her point of view, it'd be an intense financial burden. It's going to be tremendously difficult for her to raise that child, it's going to (even though it rightly shouldn't) hamper her prospects for future employment, she'll have no free time whilst her friends continue to go out enjoying themselves, and so on, for probably the next 20 years. Chances are that child won't really have enough chance to be nurtured into a genius and instead have to fight it's way up from the bottom of the social ladder upon reaching adulthood. And, as you pointed out, there's a chance she may not find a suitable adoptee and be stuck in that situation, should she decide to carry the child to term instead.

If I had to go through that hell at 18, I couldn't handle it. I don't think there are any 18 year olds out there that can reliably support themselves with the jobs open to us (i'd be in the same situation, i'm 20), let alone a child.


All good points.

I think if anti-abortion activists spent half that energy offering support to unwed and teenaged mothers and improving the adoption systems, there would be a lot less abortions! *sigh*

I dont pretend there is any easy answer. The human factor is the wrench in the works.

I had a good education and supportive parents that were involved in most aspects of my life-not intrusive, just always there for me.

yes-I still had teenage sex, but I protected myself and my partners, there were no mysteries to me and I was lucky not to have any unplanned consequences.

Yes- there should be more support and opporotunities for single moms. And less stigma.
Many single moms are fucking heros, doing the impossible-And not drawing attention to themselves-just getting the job done.
They have my respect and admiration. I know how hard it is to raise children in a two parent, two income household. I cant imagine going it alone. And with people being critical of me.

Where we live there is a culture of teenage mothers, they often get given houses and the state supports them (not fantastically, but it gives them enough to live on if they budget well. I did not want this life for my daughter, she is bright and has a good future in front of her...it is just a different one to the one I thought she had.

I read a book recently called 'Man and Boy' (read it if you can get the chance) it is about a man who becomes a single father. He is talking about the prejudice that people have against single Mum, and he said that Single Mums don't deserve the shit they get....they are after all the ones who stayed.

My Mum was angry, slapped my face and my father would not stay in a room with me for a fortnight let alone speak to me.

I have to say I dealt with it way better.

I just gave her a hug and told her that I love her.

I'm sure you can still taste the bitter resentment and lonliness from way back then. How much better would things have been for you -and your baby- if your mom embraced you and looked at you with loving eyes rather than shame and dissapointment?

Hugging your daughter and giving her kinds words-that you meant- forged a bond deeper than you may be aware.
I think you can imagine-you know first hand-how she suffered and dreaded over telling you.

You deserve big-time credit and back patting for having responded to her so positively.

Good show.

I have to say I dealt with it way better.
I would say so too. :)

I
You deserve big-time credit and back patting for having responded to her so positively.

Good show.

Seconded.

Owned?