NationStates Jolt Archive

I started a thread once asking what everyone thought made a good parent, but it didn't really get off the ground...so I thought since we are grumpy all the time....what do you think makes a parent bad?

how do you know they are a bad parent? is it the way their kids turn out?

what are the top 3 signs someone shouldn't be a parent?

I tend to run into a lot of people who favor "parenting licenses" and I always ask "what are your criteria for a "good parent"?" and they hardly ever answer...


maybe there are no good parents...

A lack of skills, knowledge and inclination to learn.

Handicaps the kid. The world moves too fast for that frightfulness.

Actually, a bad parent is a lot of the choices, Smunkee. Except maybe "me," but only 'cause I don't have any kids.

I'll go with selfish, stupid, abusive, and irresponsible.

It seems that there is an obvious choice ("abusive"), but barring that, I would have to say "is selfish". I used to do volunteer work for a shelter for children that had been seized from their parents by the state. It seems that the majority of the bad parents seem to not realize that the focus of their lives are no longer themselves, but their children.

But abuse, especially sexual, is still a huge problem.

Actually, a bad parent is a lot of the choices, Smunkee. Except maybe "me," but only 'cause I don't have any kids.

I meant to make the poll multiple choice, and the "me" option was a joke... of sorts.... you know if someone really was in to putting themselves down for humor...

Other than the obvious thing of abusive, criteria for a bad parent, basically someone who neglects their responsibilities. How you define that depends on how you think a child should be raised. Personally, I'd hope for a child to be raised to be healthy, intelligent and considerate of others.

I think the best option out of the poll is "selfish." Any person who will not or cannot put the needs of their child before their own wants and needs is going to be a bad parent - plain and simple. Much of the rest of it falls under that. Such a person is likely to take irresponsible actions, because they are not putting that responsibility before their own wants. Such a person may be abusive, because the welfare of their child is less important to them than getting their own satisfaction (or whatever they get out of abuse). Such a person is likely to be neglectful, because what they want will come first. And so on....

I think the best option out of the poll is "selfish." Any person who will not or cannot put the needs of their child before their own wants and needs is going to be a bad parent - plain and simple. Much of the rest of it falls under that. Such a person is likely to take irresponsible actions, because they are not putting that responsibility before their own wants. Such a person may be abusive, because the welfare of their child is less important to them than getting their own satisfaction (or whatever they get out of abuse). Such a person is likely to be neglectful, because what they want will come first. And so on....

which goes back to my theory that all sins (wrongs) can be traced back to being selfish.

I started a thread once asking what everyone thought made a good parent, but it didn't really get off the ground...so I thought since we are grumpy all the time....what do you think makes a parent bad?

how do you know they are a bad parent? is it the way their kids turn out?

what are the top 3 signs someone shouldn't be a parent?

I tend to run into a lot of people who favor "parenting licenses" and I always ask "what are your criteria for a "good parent"?" and they hardly ever answer...


maybe there are no good parents...
Poll should have been multiple choice. Mean, stupid and abusive are all traits found in a truly bad parent.

Poll should have been multiple choice. Mean, stupid and abusive are all traits found in a truly bad parent.

yeah, I screwed it up....
sorry.

yeah, I screwed it up....
sorry.

No big deal. I voted Meat anyway.

No big deal. I voted Meat anyway.

yeah...

yeah, I screwed it up....
sorry.

Geez thaks alot smunk..Ruining my day with your screwed up poll. You deserve 15 lashings!


Just kidding smunk. I really <3 you:)

Geez thaks alot smunk..Ruining my day with your screwed up poll. You deserve 15 lashings!


Just kidding smunk. I really <3 you:)

did you figure out what to do about the thing with the stuff and the scissors?

I think it essentially breaks down like this: If you're a truly good person, then you're a truly good parent - to an extent. On top of being good, you have to be responsible.

But if you're any kind of a bad person, then you're most likely a horrible parent.

what are the top 3 signs someone shouldn't be a parent?

...

Number 3. Owning the entire video collection of Jerry Springer.

Number 2 "Babeez 4 sayl" sign in front yard

and the number one sign that someone shouldnt be a parent is life imprisonment without the possibility of parole for using too harsh discipline on a prior batch of offsprogs

The (semi-)joke answer would be:

3. Wearing burberry
2. Living on a council estate
1. Being a teenager

I started a thread once asking what everyone thought made a good parent, but it didn't really get off the ground...so I thought since we are grumpy all the time....what do you think makes a parent bad?

how do you know they are a bad parent? is it the way their kids turn out?

what are the top 3 signs someone shouldn't be a parent?

I tend to run into a lot of people who favor "parenting licenses" and I always ask "what are your criteria for a "good parent"?" and they hardly ever answer...


maybe there are no good parents...

I'm not convinced that one could say what a bad parent is with one adjective. Of the advectives you gave, the closest in my opinin is 'selfish'. But I think a better definition would be 'rigid'. Or if I have two words, 'self absorbed'.

"self-absorbed" is pretty good.

"self-absorbed" is pretty good.

I concur.

I voted me, the last thing I need is a couple of sprogs. What would I do with them? :confused:

I voted me, the last thing I need is a couple of sprogs. What would I do with them? :confused:

Sell 'em for medical testing!

*plays "every sperm is sacred" song*

I voted me, the last thing I need is a couple of sprogs. What would I do with them? :confused:

sprogs?!

well, it's better than calling them "crotch droppings" someone actually used that term in front of me the other day and were shocked that I called them out for being rude in front of my kids.

I voted me, the last thing I need is a couple of sprogs. What would I do with them? :confused:

Teach them to shoplift and take them to the mall.

it's not easy to give a description of a bad parent because there can be so many ways a parent is bad.

They are physically, verbally and/or sexually abusive.

They dont allow their kid to think for themselves.

They discourage their kids from their dreams and urge them to follow in their (the parents) footsteps.

They force them to eat brussel sprouts.

They don't provide adequate health care.

They don't pay enough (or any) attention to their kids.

They don't get involved in their kids education.

They smoke around their kids.

They buy the kid whatever they want to get them to shut up.

They don't make them do chores.

They never praise a kid for doing a good job, they only admonish him/her for never being perfect.

________________________________________________________

I am one of those "parents should have a license" people. I think that if a person doesn't have one, then fine but they don't get any tax breaks and the like. A license should be given to a parent (or a person wishing to become a parent) who will take a class in the basics of good parenting and be able to pass a test showing that they understand the concepts of what enables a kid and what fucks a kid up.

Parents with licenses shoudl be given really good support though. They should have access to psychological evaluations and help, day care, schooling (for the parents and the kids), job placement, medical care, and whatnot.

Of course there are a million angles to consider with a program like this but I think that if a parent is willing to do everything they can to help their kid be a success in life then they should have lots of support. If they aren't willing to do everythign they can to make the lives of the peopel they brought into this world great, then they can raise their kids without any state support.

I AM NOT SAYING that there is one right way to raise a kid and that of course a parent shoudl not be punished for teaching their kids their beliefs. But I do think they should be punished for neglect and abuse.

I voted me, the last thing I need is a couple of sprogs. What would I do with them? :confused:
Curry. You can curry anything.

sprogs?!

well, it's better than calling them "crotch droppings" someone actually used that term in front of me the other day and were shocked that I called them out for being rude in front of my kids.
Crotch droppings! Ahahah, that is brilliant! :D
Sprog isn't considered a derogatory term, is it? I don't think it is here; similar to "kid" and less derogatory than "brat".

Seriously, I think "selfishness" and "irresponsibility" make bad parents. That's why I'd be a terrible parent... Not because I'd put myself before the brats and be irresponsible, quite the opposite - and I'd hate them for it. Even more than for the smell, noise, mess...

A bad parent is many things.

A bad parent may be too harsh a disciplinarian, i.e. a young child's shoelace comes untied, and the parent beats them for it. Extreme example? Sure. I can assure you, though, that things like this happen.

By the same coin, discipline may be lacking. Parents may do nothing about kids who shoplift, bully, and disrespect, either because they don't believe it's wrong or because they don't care. "But Little Johnny would NEVER do that; he's a perfect angel!" That "perfect angel" punched a weaker kid out in the middle of the sidewalk and then poured dirt into an open wound.

A bad parent always takes their kid's side in everything. An equally bad parent never does.

A bad parent may know that their child is out having sex and staying out late and do nothing about it. An equally bad parent may scare away any potential dates their child may have via force, anger, or violent threats and socially isolate their kid.

A bad parent will see their child being mocked and verbally taunted and chase the offenders away with a rake, and then they would threaten the kids' parents. An equally bad parent, in the same situation, would join the bullies in their taunting.

A bad parent hovers over their child well past the age of 18, threaten lawsuits because a teacher handed their child a C+, seek to ban dodgeball and playgrounds, and demand that red ink not be used to grade papers. An equally bad parent spends all their time at work, tells kids that anything bad that happened to them is their own fault, and serves their newly-18 children with eviction notices.

A bad parent hands their kids the keys to their very own brand new Cadillac SUVs on their 16th birthday and pays their insurance no matter how high it gets after their kids wreck the cars and get pulled over for doing 110mph in a 25mph zone. An equally bad parent never teached their kids to drive at all and never teaches them the first thing about how to own or operate a car.

A bad parent buys their kids everything they want until, and probably well into, their 20s, thereby raising professional couch potatoes who expect everything handed to them on a silver platter. An equally bad parents forces their kids to work a job they hate for as many hours as possible and then confiscates their paychecks, giving them a little food money if they're lucky.

A bad parent never exposes their kids to religion, politics, and such, expecting that they will "decide for themselves." An equally bad parent indoctrinates their kids with religion and politics, usually of one very specific variety, and tells them they will go to hell for thinking differently.

A bad parent runs out to wait in line overnight for every new release of every major video game phenomenon that their kids will inevitably get bored with in a month. An equally bad parent blames video games for every ill in the country and forbids their kids from even discussing them.

A bad parent refuses to let their kids get involved in any sport because "they might get hurt" or "they might not be very good." An equally bad parent crams a sport down their kids' throats 24/7 and takes extreme steps to turn their kids into the next Joe Montana or Tiger Woods or Lisa Leslie or whoever.

A bad parent lets their kids decide what to have for dinner every single night. An equally bad parent tells their kids, "Well, Mommy and Daddy like mushrooms, so you do too."

A bad parent tries to rationalize every behavioral problem their kids have and will dope kids up for serious problems. An equally bad parent will be sufficient with the diagnosis of "My kid's just lazy" and will resort to yelling, screaming, and grounding as means of bringing grades up.

A bad parent gives their kid a cell phone and internet access and constantly uses them to track their kids' exact move wherever they are. An equally bad parent does the same thing and tells their kids to go nuts, and they soon wonder who that nice gentleman on MySpace is who's interesting in meeting their daughter.

A bad parent does all the chores at home, making the kids believe that these things just get done. An equally bad parent views kids as free slave labor and forces them to do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry.

A bad parent responds to a teenager shouting "I hate you!" at them by ignoring it and hoping the anger goes away. An equally bad parent responds by shouting "I hate you too!"

A bad parent isn't quite sure who their kids are seeing at the time. An equally bad parent picks for them.

A bad parent never confronts a kid about a choice of significant other no matter how awful they are; they could be a dropout, a gang member, and come to the house brandishing an AK-47 and announce, "It's my 30th birthday, bitches!" An equally bad parent's first reaction upon seeing their kid's significant other tends to be, "No son/daughter of mine is bringing home a {insert minority here}!"

A bad parent marches their kids with them in some sort of civil rights parade next to a bunch of angry topless women and bizarrely-clad men. An equally bad parent is photographed with their kids, who are holding up signs that say "God hates fags!"

A bad parent gets their kid a private Kanye West concert for their birthday. An equally bad parent doesn't even get them a card.

A bad parent throws their kid a wild bachelor party including strippers, copious amounts of alcohol, and a lack of sobriety the next day for the wedding. An equally bad parent makes it impossible for their kid to enjoy their wedding day.

A bad parent gives their kid's other parent plenty of opportunity to talk bad about them in front of the kids. An equally bad parent uses those opportunities.

A bad parent stops seeing a perfectly good person because their kid can't get along with them. An equally bad parent ships their kid off to Tranquility Bay because they can't get along with the new step-parent.

A bad parent removes their kids' bedroom doors. An equally bad parent padlocks those doors from the outside.

A bad parent will respond to their kid's recent breakup or divorce by sabotaging the ex-spouse's car. An equally bad parent will testify against their own kid in court.

A bad parent never discourages their kids from lying. An equally bad parent does discourage it but, at the same time, lies to a cop to get out of a speeding ticket while their kids are in the car.

All right, that's all I got. Probably more than anyone here wanted to hear.

sprogs?!

well, it's better than calling them "crotch droppings" someone actually used that term in front of me the other day and were shocked that I called them out for being rude in front of my kids.

Wow. And in front of your children. No wonder you went off on him. :p

It's not like your kids are teenagers who can appreciate a good joke, either.

I might borrow a term from Denis Leary and call my kids 'midget monkeys on acid'. :)

It seems that there is an obvious choice ("abusive"), but barring that, I would have to say "is selfish". I used to do volunteer work for a shelter for children that had been seized from their parents by the state. It seems that the majority of the bad parents seem to not realize that the focus of their lives are no longer themselves, but their children.

But abuse, especially sexual, is still a huge problem.

i voted for selfish as well,abuse can be overcome as an adult usually..even if it is directed as anger towards the parent...but selfishness in the parent always leaves a child with the taste of not being wanted in their mouth..it manifests itself with the kid like it was their fault,abuse you can always say...jerkoff beat me or whatever(hopefully)but a selfish parent makes their kid feel unwanted.
just mho

Selfish. They can be mean, stupid, old, young, me, you, etc., even abusive. But nothing is worse than a parent who won't give up everything for their child.

I started a thread once asking what everyone thought made a good parent, but it didn't really get off the ground...so I thought since we are grumpy all the time....what do you think makes a parent bad?

how do you know they are a bad parent? is it the way their kids turn out?

what are the top 3 signs someone shouldn't be a parent?

I tend to run into a lot of people who favor "parenting licenses" and I always ask "what are your criteria for a "good parent"?" and they hardly ever answer...


maybe there are no good parents...

The top three warning signs for me are:

1) Addictive personality. Whether it be drugs, booze, gambling, or religiosity, there are people who have that oddball personality type that makes them prone to addiction and obsession. These aren't bad people, necessarily, but they're not good parent material. Either their addictions distract them from parenting, or parenting becomes their new addiction.

2) "I just want something to love me." I cannot stand people who have babies because of all the things it will do for THEM. The baby is not a pet. It is not a dolly. It does not exist to love you or support you or be your best friend. The baby is a person, an individual, who you will be responsible for. It won't be perfect, it won't be all the things you want all of the time, and it doesn't owe it to you to be any of those things.

3) People who think you can be a bad person while still being a good parent. One form of this that is particularly common is guys who cheat on their wife/girlfriend, and generally treat women like shit, but still think they can be a good father to their kids. Sorry, champ, but you're modeling horrible behavior for your kids. If you wouldn't want somebody treating your daughter that way, then don't treat other women that way. And if you would want your daughter treated that way, or if you want your son to treat women that way, then you're a shitty father anyhow.

Oh, and I should be quick to emphasize that I think I would make a terrible parent, though not for any of the three reasons I listed. I'd be a lousy parent because I have no patience, I'm territorial and self-centered, and I cannot handle strong and unpleasent smells.

The top three warning signs for me are:

1) Addictive personality. Whether it be drugs, booze, gambling, or religiosity, there are people who have that oddball personality type that makes them prone to addiction and obsession. These aren't bad people, necessarily, but they're not good parent material. Either their addictions distract them from parenting, or parenting becomes their new addiction.

2) "I just want something to love me." I cannot stand people who have babies because of all the things it will do for THEM. The baby is not a pet. It is not a dolly. It does not exist to love you or support you or be your best friend. The baby is a person, an individual, who you will be responsible for. It won't be perfect, it won't be all the things you want all of the time, and it doesn't owe it to you to be any of those things.

3) People who think you can be a bad person while still being a good parent. One form of this that is particularly common is guys who cheat on their wife/girlfriend, and generally treat women like shit, but still think they can be a good father to their kids. Sorry, champ, but you're modeling horrible behavior for your kids. If you wouldn't want somebody treating your daughter that way, then don't treat other women that way. And if you would want your daughter treated that way, or if you want your son to treat women that way, then you're a shitty father anyhow.

I think you about covered the three biggest warning signs - adultery, addiction, and abuse. All of them are what we would consider "bad news" as far as parents go. A parent, mother or father, doesn't matter which, who cheats and is found out will most certainly not create an atmosphere of trust in the home. Addiction's never good, either. I never thought of it with an ideology or religion, but it's hard to be a good parent and a crack addict at the same time. Or an alcoholic, or even sometimes a smoker. I went to high school with someone who pretty much told us that her parents encouraged her to smoke. I fail to see how that's good parenting. It's insane, really.

As for abuse...well, that one speaks for itself. Same for selfishness. All of the above infractions could be traced back to selfishness, and all are contributors to bad homes. Granted, being a parent doesn't mean "always do everything possible for your children even to the point of physical exhaustion to yourself." You're going to get tired anyway. Allow yourself a night out every now and then while the kids stay with their grandparents. On the flip side, don't go out getting hammered until 4 AM every day while your kids are at home starving. That's what a bad parent does. An overzealous parent doesn't go out without the kids, or even at all, for the first years of a child's life, staying home constantly and pretty much leaving only to work or run essential errands. Most people would go insane doing that.

2) "I just want something to love me." I cannot stand people who have babies because of all the things it will do for THEM. The baby is not a pet. It is not a dolly. It does not exist to love you or support you or be your best friend. The baby is a person, an individual, who you will be responsible for. It won't be perfect, it won't be all the things you want all of the time, and it doesn't owe it to you to be any of those things.

An extension of this one, to me anyways, are those who are absolutely hell-bent on having "their own" child, and will undergo any treatment, no matter how expensive, to do it. I understand desiring to have a child. I can tell you right now that, as crazy as it sounds, I *want* to undergo pregnancy. I *want* to go through childbirth. I *want* to have my own child. But I recognize these things as my wants - not as absolute necessities. If I have trouble getting pregnant when I start planning for a child, I'm not going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars getting there. I already intend to adopt a child in addition to having one. An inability to get pregnant through fully natural means, for me, would just mean making adoption the only way in which I begin rasing a child.

Oh, and I should be quick to emphasize that I think I would make a terrible parent, though not for any of the three reasons I listed. I'd be a lousy parent because I have no patience, I'm territorial and self-centered, and I cannot handle strong and unpleasent smells.

The good thing here, of course, is that you recognize these things in yourself, and so you aren't going to try. I've met people who I think are wonderful people, but they don't have the level of selflessness (or often, patience) necessary to raise a child. That doesn't make them lousy people, but it does make them pretty lousy parents.