NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, so I know this girl for a year now, and I have developed feelings for her, and these feelings have involved into something of Love. During this year, we have become great friends, and I enjoyed our friendship, but I want to tell her that I love her. However, there are things to consider.

Pros

She may feel the same way and our friendship become something of a relationship.

Con

She doesn't feel the same way and it ruins the friendship

She already has alot on her plate what with a broken home and a dumbass thick headed fat fuck of a boyfriend. etc.

I get hurt again (nothing new there)

I lose a great friendship.

So, what do I do, do I tell her and risk everything, or don't but will always wonder what could've been. Poll coming.

Don't say love, not at this point, not unless you want to freak her out and send her running for the hills.

Ask her if she'd like to go out to dinner sometime.

Possibly, maybe, perhaps.

Tell her you wauld appreciate the oppertunity to get to know her vagina better.

Don't say love, not at this point, not unless you want to freak her out and send her running for the hills.

Trust me, it's been said between us before, but I never know the context of it. So this really is to clairfy the context.

She has a boyfriend? Don’t.
Especially considering the way that you look. You will ruin what friendship you have.

She has a boyfriend? Don’t.
Especially considering the way that you look. You will ruin what friendship you have.

Trust me, she hates her boyfriend too. Me, Her, and her two friends do. He's a dumbass drama bitch who complains about every little damn thing, and is a selfish fat fuck! He never puts her in front of him, with him it's always about me me me. However, since she has alot going on in her own personal life, if she breaks up with him now, he'll get "depressed" and threaten to "commit suicide" and everyone will blame her. Plus I've kicked his ass before, so I can do it again.

What's the rush. Women like friends. Just keep being with her and listening to her and be there when she leaves the boy friend.

I almost put yes, but then decided on a better answer. You shouldn't phrase it in the sense "You love her", even if the feeling is legit. You should possibly try to ask her out. However, she does have a boyfriend, so thats an issue there.....


All in all, I repeat my favorite saying: "Who Dares, Wins." Its the British SAS Maxim, and I live by it. Go for it dude. If shit happens, then she wasn't good enough anyway.


I've learned from personal experiance that if you do something, and fail, at least its better than doing nothing and wishing you would.

What's the rush. Women like friends. Just keep being with her and listening to her and be there when she leaves the boy friend.

Trust me, waiting a year, I've been patient lol.

What's the rush. Women like friends. Just keep being with her and listening to her and be there when she leaves the boy friend.
HAHAHAHAHA!

You, sir, are an intellectual hoar.
Women don’t end up with their friends, unless they were attracted to them from the very beginning.
Trust me, she hates her boyfriend too. Me, Her, and her two friends do. He's a dumbass drama bitch who complains about every little damn thing, and is a selfish fat fuck! He never puts her in front of him, with him it's always about me me me. However, since she has alot going on in her own personal life, if she breaks up with him now, he'll get "depressed" and threaten to "commit suicide" and everyone will blame her. Plus I've kicked his ass before, so I can do it again.
Maybe she only says those things so that you and her other friends don’t lose respect for her?

Maybe she only says those things so that you and her other friends don’t lose respect for her?

I am speaking from personal experience... There's a reason I've kick his ass before, trust me.

I am speaking from personal experience... There's a reason I've kick his ass before, trust me.
Some women like bad relationships. Because of the way things have gone in their life, they think it’s what they deserve. This could be especially true because she comes from a broken home.

I am speaking from personal experience... There's a reason I've kick his ass before, trust me.

Go back to my post. Thats my answer, and I feel it may help you somewhat. TRUST ME: I've been in your same position numerous times.

Some women like bad relationships. Because of the way things have gone in their life, they think it’s what they deserve. This could be especially true because she comes from a broken home.

That is true, she doesn't think much of herself, unforuntely. :(

Trust me, waiting a year, I've been patient lol.
Perhaps you could help the breakup happen?

He would be tossed out the door rather quick if she caught you in bed with him.

Go back to my post. Thats my answer, and I feel it may help you somewhat. TRUST ME: I've been in your same position numerous times.

I read your post and agree with it.

Perhaps you could help the breakup happen?

He would be tossed out the door rather quick if she caught you in bed with him.

LOL!

Perhaps you could help the breakup happen?

He would be tossed out the door rather quick if she caught you in bed with him.

But, how the hell would that help me get her?! lol. He has cheated on her before, so I have thought about trapping him cheating again. I have a few female friends that owe me favors.

But, how the hell would that help me get her?! lol. He has cheated on her before, so I have thought about trapping him cheating again. I have a few female friends that owe me favors.
You know you couldn't do that to them.

Awsome mate. Heres the story in case you wanted to know.

Basically, I'd been almost best friends with this one girl for almost two years. I'd had a crush on her for about the previous year, and really wanted to go out with her, much as you do. However, she had a boyfriend as well. How did he treat her? I don't know. But she did make some claim he hit her once. Anyway, finally I did discuss her (Thinking "Who Dares, Wins" the whole time ;)), and she accepted to leave her boyfriend and go with me, as not only she claimed to like me better, but her parents oddly enough were wild about me (Long story as to why I was surprised at that).


I never did go out with her. I was supposed to, but I pissed her off and haven't spoken to her since (That was several years ago).

Lessons Learned:

1. Treat them right, they will come

2. Be careful about what you say :p

You know you couldn't do that to them.

Actually I can, there's nothing between them, no love, not even friendship, just hate. She hates him, and wish that he would break up with her so at least people won't blame her for it. Now if there really something, you would be right, but eh, it'll be like putting an old suffering dog to sleep with a .22 semi automatic rifle.

Awsome mate. Heres the story in case you wanted to know.

Basically, I'd been almost best friends with this one girl for almost two years. I'd had a crush on her for about the previous year, and really wanted to go out with her, much as you do. However, she had a boyfriend as well. How did he treat her? I don't know. But she did make some claim he hit her once. Anyway, finally I did discuss her (Thinking "Who Dares, Wins" the whole time ;)), and she accepted to leave her boyfriend and go with me, as not only she claimed to like me better, but her parents oddly enough were wild about me (Long story as to why I was surprised at that).


I never did go out with her. I was supposed to, but I pissed her off and haven't spoken to her since (That was several years ago).

Lessons Learned:

1. Treat them right, they will come

2. Be careful about what you say :p

How did you piss her off?! lol.

Actually I can, there's nothing between them, no love, not even friendship, just hate. She hates him, and wish that he would break up with her so at least people won't blame her for it. Now if there really something, you would be right, but eh, it'll be like putting an old suffering dog to sleep with a .22 semi automatic rifle.
Dude, if she's worried about that, then she's got problems you can't help her with. She's got to like herself enough live her own life first.

How did you piss her off?! lol.

I figured you'd be curious ;)


She was very religious. I mean hardcore. I however, if you know me well, am....not. I'll leave it at that lol

:headbang: and she was hot too...:headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

Dude, if she's worried about that, then she's got problems you can't help her with. She's got to like herself enough live her own life first.

Like I said, she already has enough on her plate, she doesn't need that too.

I figured you'd be curious ;)


She was very religious. I mean hardcore. I however, if you know me well, am....not. I'll leave it at that lol

:headbang: and she was hot too...:headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

I've dated a fundie too, my advice, avoid them like the plague.

I've dated a fundie too, my advice, avoid them like the plague.

Exactly my friend. It was too bad too. We got along great, until she started going all religious and shit when I was around her.


Basically, I told her that I believed the entire Old Testament was a book of fairy tales, except I put it nicer. Big mistake.

No point in telling. Women get these things pretty well. And if/when she thinks "yes", you'll see it yourself.

Like I said, she already has enough on her plate, she doesn't need that too.

You don't get it. I'm talking about your attentions. The very best you could hope for in this situation is that she transfers her dependence on others for acceptance onto dependence on you for acceptance. That doesn't help her and won't make for a satisfying long term relationship for you, and I assume that's what you're after, as opposed to a short term physical affair.

Actually I can, there's nothing between them, no love, not even friendship, just hate. She hates him, and wish that he would break up with her so at least people won't blame her for it. Now if there really something, you would be right, but eh, it'll be like putting an old suffering dog to sleep with a .22 semi automatic rifle.

I meant to the friends that owe you favors. :p

Anyway man, I wish you the best of luck.

As they say in the US Marine Corps. "Get some!"

I meant to the friends that owe you favors. :p

oh lol, eh don't worry, slip them a few 20's will make it worth their while to put up with fat fuck for a few hours.

Especially considering the way that you look..

What does that mean? Have you seen him? I'm sure its not that bad. Anyway back to the question don't tell you love her, maybe tell her your starting to have feelings or something and see how she reacts.

Be the most amazing, supportive, loving friend you can be, and, when she finally dumps that ass a boyfriend, wait a little while, and slowly start to hint that you have feelings for her. Be amazing. Show her that you're amazing. If she doesn't get it, stay friends, but move on to someone that does. Last year, the guy I was in love with came out to me, and I chose not to tell him my feelings. We're now still very close, and I can love him in a different, more peaceful way. Don't worry if it doesn't work out; she won't be the last girl you fall for (I'm experiencing the whole "falling for someone else for the first time since he came out" thing right now, so I know it can happen).

She has a boyfriend? Don’t.
Especially considering the way that you look. You will ruin what friendship you have.

Also, she knows how I look and it doesn't bother her.

There is only one way to find out man. Take the plunge. Whether she says yes or no does not matter, what does matter is that you've learned a lesson.

Trust me, she hates her boyfriend too. Me, Her, and her two friends do. He's a dumbass drama bitch who complains about every little damn thing, and is a selfish fat fuck! He never puts her in front of him, with him it's always about me me me. However, since she has alot going on in her own personal life, if she breaks up with him now, he'll get "depressed" and threaten to "commit suicide" and everyone will blame her. Plus I've kicked his ass before, so I can do it again.

And she puts up with that? My advice to you: RUUUUN!!! Get the hell out of there as fast and far as you can!!! And if she tries to follow beat her with a stick.

That girld is fucked-up crazy, she'll let have her life ruined and then she'll ruin yours for good measure.

And she puts up with that? My advice to you: RUUUUN!!! Get the hell out of there as fast and far as you can!!! And if she tries to follow beat her with a stick.

That girld is fucked-up crazy, she'll let have her life ruined and then she'll ruin yours for good measure.I tried saying the same thing earlier, to no avail, I think. I get the feeling that this is the kind of lesson he'll have to learn on his own, just like I did.

Ok, so I know this girl for a year now, and I have developed feelings for her, and these feelings have involved into something of Love. During this year, we have become great friends, and I enjoyed our friendship, but I want to tell her that I love her. However, there are things to consider.
Well, I can only give advice based on my personal experience. That said, here are my thoughts:

Pros

She may feel the same way and our friendship become something of a relationship. True enough.

Con

She doesn't feel the same way and it ruins the friendship She could not feel the same way and still be able to be friends with you, if you could be friends with her. I've told guys I liked that I was friends with that I like them, and they didn't like me, and we remained really close friends.

She already has alot on her plate what with a broken home and a dumbass thick headed fat fuck of a boyfriend. etc. Then don't pressure her. But she should know how much you care about and for her. And always continue to be a good friend, it seems now is when she needs one most.

I get hurt again (nothing new there) Doesn't it hurt now? I always thought crushing on my friends hurt a terrible lot, especially when they were dating a scumbag entirely unworthy.

I lose a great friendship. If she is that great a girl, and your that great of a guy, and the friendship has strong enough foundations, knowing that you have feelings for her should not result in the loss of a great friendship. It might make it awkward for a little while, but that can be overcome.

So, what do I do, do I tell her and risk everything, or don't but will always wonder what could've been. Poll coming.In my opinion? Tell her. It will be hard, and if she doesnt have any interest, it will hurt a lot. But, in my opinion, it is better than the slow agony of loving a friend who doesn't know how you feel.


Trust me, waiting a year, I've been patient lol. I waited years for guys. It sucks, doesn't it? Stop waiting, and go after her, I say.

HAHAHAHAHA!

You, sir, are an intellectual hoar.
Women don’t end up with their friends, unless they were attracted to them from the very beginning.

Maybe she only says those things so that you and her other friends don’t lose respect for her?
That's not true! I only ever get attracted to my friends, and thats only after I get to know them. Sure I might lust for a guy. But to be truly interested, I have to know his personality. I've no idea what your basis for that claim is.

The second point, tho, may be valid. Clearly she is still with him for some reason. Maybe they hate each other, but there may be something else there you don't see. To me, that seems to be the biggest kink in your chain, tho you dont seem to phased about it. Just dont expect her to be ready to up and leave the asshole.

That is true, she doesn't think much of herself, unforuntely. :(It's really hard to love someone who doesn't believe they are worthy of love. Of course, it can and should be done. But its very difficult. So even if she does leave that jerk and say she feels the same way for you, beware. The rest of the relationship will still be very difficult. It isn't a reason to not do it, tho. Just hang in there.

Best of luck :fluffle:

You don't get it. I'm talking about your attentions. The very best you could hope for in this situation is that she transfers her dependence on others for acceptance onto dependence on you for acceptance. That doesn't help her and won't make for a satisfying long term relationship for you, and I assume that's what you're after, as opposed to a short term physical affair.

Unfortunate, but alas, it rings with a certain truth. It can be worked through, of course, but it is very very difficult.

Well, look like we got a tie. A rare moment on this forum.

oh lol, eh don't worry, slip them a few 20's will make it worth their while to put up with fat fuck for a few hours.

Your friends with hookers?

Don't say love, not at this point, not unless you want to freak her out and send her running for the hills.
I agree.

Your friends with hookers?
In Soviet Russia, Hookers are Friends with you!

Your friends with hookers?

Hey, what better women than to try to get him to cheat on her?

She sounds like she needs a saviour.

No. It's not worth it.

since you seem to be determined to proceed on this even though this girl really should break up with her boyfriend and be single until the end of highschool.....

dont tell her you love her. as nazz said, it will freak her out. its too sudden and it puts too much pressure on her.

tell your mutual friend (who hates her boyfriend) CASUALLY that you are "developing feelings for her". dont say love.

the friend will take it from there and soon enough youll find out if she might ever reciprocate your feelings.

Fuck his feelings. If her boyfriends a dick and she knows it, she needs to dump him anyway. Once she's put him in his place, then you can hook up with her or whatever. If she's not willing to put the hard word on him, then she's probably not worth liking like that anyway.

She sounds like she needs a saviour.
No one can be your saviour--you can only save yourself in these kinds of situations, because if you don't, you're only trading one kind of dependence for another.

If you don't, you will always regret it. Especially after she gets rid of the other guy and starts dating someone else.

Don't just come out and say it though: Women like to be chased. Then they catch us.

That's not true! I only ever get attracted to my friends, and thats only after I get to know them. Sure I might lust for a guy. But to be truly interested, I have to know his personality. I've no idea what your basis for that claim is.
The basis of my claim is reality. Of course, this may not apply to ugly chicks, but who the hell cares about them?
The second point, tho, may be valid. Clearly she is still with him for some reason. Maybe they hate each other, but there may be something else there you don't see. To me, that seems to be the biggest kink in your chain, tho you dont seem to phased about it. Just dont expect her to be ready to up and leave the asshole.
Most attractive women love jerks.

Ok, so I know this girl for a year now, and I have developed feelings for her, and these feelings have involved into something of Love. During this year, we have become great friends, and I enjoyed our friendship, but I want to tell her that I love her. However, there are things to consider.

Pros

She may feel the same way and our friendship become something of a relationship.

Con

She doesn't feel the same way and it ruins the friendship

She already has alot on her plate what with a broken home and a dumbass thick headed fat fuck of a boyfriend. etc.

I get hurt again (nothing new there)

I lose a great friendship.

So, what do I do, do I tell her and risk everything, or don't but will always wonder what could've been. Poll coming.

The pros and cons are always there. You either take a chance or you don't. Would you rather go on knowing you never took a chance/didnt try never knowing what could have been. Or that you did try/took a chance and whatever happened. Simple IMO.

Women don’t end up with their friends, unless they were attracted to them from the very beginning.

I don't know what's wrong with YOU, but I ended up with a guy who was first my friend - now my husband, too - even though I wasn't initially particularly attracted to him. Women grow attraction just like men do.

EDIT: Oh, and you should go for it. There's nothing more aggrivating than a man who loves you and won't say it! Unless you're an amazing actor, she knows already.

For Heaven's Sakes be Careful! And read this website first. (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html)

I'm serious, dude. You can get hurt, badly. I have been, all because I didn't realise that I was on the "friends ladder", and not the other one (note that I don't agree with much of the theory, but I am absolutely convinced that the ladders exist). And most of the time, when you try the jump, you land in the abyss (though not always, so don't give up completely either).

For Heaven's Sakes be Careful! And read this website first. (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html)

I'm serious, dude. You can get hurt, badly. I have been, all because I didn't realise that I was on the "friends ladder", and not the other one (note that I don't agree with much of the theory, but I am absolutely convinced that the ladders exist). And most of the time, when you try the jump, you land in the abyss (though not always, so don't give up completely either).


Ok.. if we are on the friend ladder thing.. then You must let it be known you are not 'just a friend' , but you are a potential mate. Be a man. You either are or you aren't. Will learn to be or you won't.

Tell her how you feel. Honesty in a relationship is usually the best way to go.

Ok.. if we are on the friend ladder thing.. then You must let it be known you are not 'just a friend' , but you are a potential mate. Be a man. You either are or you aren't. Will learn to be or you won't.
Exactly.

I seem to be great friend material, but bad mate material. I've given up counting the number of female friends I had over the years, but actual girlfriends, well, I can count them on one hand.

Most recently I was shot down (well, not explicitly, but anyways) by a colleague. I had actually sent a message asking for a date, got no reply, but instead she introduced me to her new boyfriend a week later, and acted like nothing happened.

I have figured out for myself to completely change the way to go about it the next time I meet a nice girl. I can't say that I know exactly how I'm going to do that, but I'm pretty sure that I'd want to avoid being looked at as 'just a friend'.

Not that that helps Wilgrove now, he's gotta work out where to go from here.

If you get this worked up over one girl, then you are probably best left in your basement playing Starcraft and not passing your massive social anxiety disorders on through procreation.

Honestly, it's just one girl. If normal people got so worked up over one broad and started online polls about it, nothing would ever get done around here. The reason that people like I date and you don't has nothing to do with our respective personalities; people like me are just less of abject cowards about people with two X chromosomes.

Putting them on a pedestal will lead to your permanent bachelorhood, and probably permanent virginity. Women are ordinary people just like you, they are just as eager to date and to have sex and to love someone as you are. Any other opinion is sexist and obnoxious.

I would say yes, but take it gently. Don't just rush in & proclaim your undying love. I think it's better to have tried & failed, than to not try at all.

Actually I can, there's nothing between them, no love, not even friendship, just hate. She hates him, and wish that he would break up with her so at least people won't blame her for it. Now if there really something, you would be right, but eh, it'll be like putting an old suffering dog to sleep with a .22 semi automatic rifle.

The more information you give about this girl the worse she sounds. I think you need to start thinking with your head and not your gonads. Is this really the type of woman you want to raise your children?

The more information you give about this girl the worse she sounds. I think you need to start thinking with your head and not your gonads. Is this really the type of woman you want to raise your children?

Don't plan on having children.

Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Go forth into the glory, sonny boy!

Jenrak: Girl-you-like's-boyfriend-killer For Hire

dude, how old are you? "love"? i mean come the smeg on...

you sound like the type of guy who sits and listens to girls bitch and loves it. id even go as far as to say if you do hook up with this girl, it would almost be a lesbian experence for her.

you gotta look in a mirror/car window/puddle and take a hard look at yourself.. and then search your groin for some bollocks baby!

i say YES tell her everything, all your "feelings" jus so she can laugh in your face and you realise that its all a silly game.

... "love", honnestly...

The reason that people like I date and you don't has nothing to do with our respective personalities; people like me are just less of abject cowards about people with two X chromosomes.
Running the risk of restarting the eternal "nice guys don't get any" debate, I'll ask anyways...aren't you contradicting yourself?

Isn't a heightened level of anxiety when dealing with girls a personality issue? Some people are shy, and some people really don't want to get hurt by getting shot down. So they naturally end up being more anxious.

It's something one can and must work on, but you can't change it from one day to the next. And besides, you're not helping anyone by putting a guy down. While you are right in a way, if you can't get the point across properly, it's wasted.

Well I told her, and she feels the same way! Yay! As for Fat Fuck, well he finally crossed the line tonight, and is out the door! :D Too bad she won't let me give him the boot, but still, yay!

The basis of my claim is reality. Of course, this may not apply to ugly chicks, but who the hell cares about them?

Most attractive women love jerks.

Thanks for calling me ugly :fluffle: :rolleyes:

Well I told her, and she feels the same way! Yay! As for Fat Fuck, well he finally crossed the line tonight, and is out the door! :D Too bad she won't let me give him the boot, but still, yay!

Congratulations!!! I'm super happy for you!

Just try and be careful of the other things we warned about, too. Best of luck! :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

Well I told her, and she feels the same way! Yay! As for Fat Fuck, well he finally crossed the line tonight, and is out the door! :D Too bad she won't let me give him the boot, but still, yay!
Congratulations!