NationStates Jolt Archive

No, it's not writer's block. It's just some gossip I heard today from some of the people in the marching band (two of the people in my section actually). And yes, it concerns me. For once in my life .

What happened was, this guy (a junior) asked me out last week, and I said yes. It got all over the school, and today "SP" (only using her initials) asked me if I was going out with "PJ". I told her yes, and "MF" (the section leader, and yes that is her initials) said that PJ had once asked her out but she said no because he creeped her out (doesn't creep me out...). Later on... CP told me that she and her friends had been molested by this guy.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

That may be why peole have been giving me strange looks lately... :eek:

But now what do I do!??!!?!?

I'm confused all I heard was "one time at band camp..."

Well, do you want him to molest you?

No, it's not writer's block. It's just some gossip I heard today from some of the people in the marching band (two of the people in my section actually). And yes, it concerns me. For once in my life .

What happened was, this guy (a junior) asked me out last week, and I said yes. It got all over the school, and today "SP" (only using her initials) asked me if I was going out with "PJ". I told her yes, and "MF" (the section leader, and yes that is her initials) said that PJ had once asked her out but she said no because he creeped her out (doesn't creep me out...). Later on... CP told me that she and her friends had been molested by this guy.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

That may be why peole have been giving me strange looks lately... :eek:

But now what do I do!??!!?!?

tell him that you have heard some really bad gossip about him and that you are having second thoughts.

when he ask, tell him what you heard but not who said it.

then tell us what happens!

Bring mace and a nice sharp knife on your date. Also cab fare and a cell phone might come in handy. Or maybe call the whole thing off. Just make sure if you go you take precautions and people know where you are and who you're with.

you're in high school, right?

rumors spread fast and easily. Figure out what is true, and what is not. Ask CP what happened, as the friends what happened...is she using the term "molest" very poorly? if there are gross contradictions in the story, I would tend to not believe it. Ask PJ what happened if you're still suspicious. And just be aware of what is going on.

if you're comfortable going with him, then go. If you aren't, then don't. If you want to go, but are worried, maybe make it a double, or have the date in a very public place. And as I said, be aware of what is going on.

edit: DCD is right...bring a cell phone and cab fare...and know the number for your local cab company.

group date?

I would go out on like a double date or something and see if he creeps you out, and you know probably don't go anywhere alone with him until you are able to verify that it's safe, you might also bring up the rumor you heard, but not on the first date....

I'm confused all I heard was "one time at band camp..."

:mad:

Thanks.


Not.

keep him at arms length or further until you establish the veracity of their claims. if they say he creeps them out and you are at high school it could just be they are making malicious rumours about a perfectly normal if slightly awkward boy. but be on the safe side and try and find the truth before you get too close to him.

Double date? That's so 20th century.

No no, you should do something casual, like hang out downtown together. At 3 AM. In a dark alley.

you're in high school, right?

rumors spread fast and easily. Figure out what is true, and what is not. Ask CP what happened, as the friends what happened...is she using the term "molest" very poorly? if there are gross contradictions in the story, I would tend to not believe it. Ask PJ what happened if you're still suspicious. And just be aware of what is going on.

if you're comfortable going with him, then go. If you aren't, then don't. If you want to go, but are worried, maybe make it a double, or have the date in a very public place. And as I said, be aware of what is going on.

edit:DCD is right...bring a cell phone and cab fare...and know the number for your local cab company.


CP has helped me out a lot, and I can't see why she'd be exaggerating/screwing with me, and I'd felt comfortable with PJ until she spoke up. Now I'm not comfortable at all. :(

ROFL, her name's MF...

"Hey, adios, MF!"
"What's up, MF?!"


Any way, do you trust Pajamas, er, PJ?

group date?

I would go out on like a double date or something and see if he creeps you out, and you know probably don't go anywhere alone with him until you are able to verify that it's safe, you might also bring up the rumor you heard, but not on the first date....

WARNING! SMUNKEE! I'm going to agree with you again!

That was my thought, Dark. Make it a double. Also, asking him about the gossip is good, too.

CP has helped me out a lot, and I can't see why she'd be exaggerating/screwing with me, and I'd felt comfortable with PJ until she spoke up. Now I'm not comfortable at all. :(

get the full story. She might not even be exagerating on purpose...sometimes people build a story up in their head to the point that it is the truth to them. That is why I suggest talking to the other people involved.

Also, did he molest them all at once, or was this several incidents? Humans are limited by the number of hands they could use, so if it was more than two people, I don't see it being physically possible...what was the context of the event? Could he have been joking, and they wern't? Drinking/drugs involved? There are alot of questions that should be answered.

The best advice is to either double date, or go someplace very public...down town kinda area...well lit, lots of people around.

group date?

I would go out on like a double date or something and see if he creeps you out, and you know probably don't go anywhere alone with him until you are able to verify that it's safe, you might also bring up the rumor you heard, but not on the first date....

In fact the group or double date should be with CP and whomever she brings too.

Yeah, get the scoop on what CP meant by "molest"

When it comes to high school girl gossip about guys, men are presumed guilty until proven innocent.

When it comes to high school girl gossip about guys, men are presumed guilty until proven innocent.

According to the numerous people who have asked me about him, he hasn't been proven innocent quite yet.

According to the numerous people who have asked me about him, he hasn't been proven innocent quite yet.

so have you asked what your friend meant by "molest"?

shouldnt he be proven guilty rather than innocent?

so have you asked what your friend meant by "molest"?

shouldnt he be proven guilty rather than innocent?

I haven't talked to her since school let out. There's no other way to talk to her...

Well, one way...

I haven't talked to her since school let out. There's no other way to talk to her...

Well, one way...



I'd try her cell or MSN account first. Psychic transmissions can be unreliable sometimes.

No, it's not writer's block. It's just some gossip I heard today from some of the people in the marching band (two of the people in my section actually). And yes, it concerns me. For once in my life .

What happened was, this guy (a junior) asked me out last week, and I said yes. It got all over the school, and today "SP" (only using her initials) asked me if I was going out with "PJ". I told her yes, and "MF" (the section leader, and yes that is her initials) said that PJ had once asked her out but she said no because he creeped her out (doesn't creep me out...). Later on... CP told me that she and her friends had been molested by this guy.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

That may be why peole have been giving me strange looks lately... :eek:

But now what do I do!??!!?!?

Ya dump him and let the rest blow over. If people cant understand that you made a mistake in choosing who to date then they are not worth your time.

I understand the marching band dynamics (5 years myself and 1 year of corps) it is tough but you will move on

Ya dump him and let the rest blow over. If people cant understand that you made a mistake in choosing who to date then they are not worth your time.

I understand the marching band dynamics (5 years myself and 1 year of corps) it is tough but you will move on

so rather than figure out what actually happened, and accuse the kid of something he might not have done, you'd just ditch him and assume guilt?

so rather than figure out what actually happened, and accuse the kid of something he might not have done, you'd just ditch him and assume guilt?

Always assume guilt. ALWAYS.

so rather than figure out what actually happened, and accuse the kid of something he might not have done, you'd just ditch him and assume guilt?

Yeah probably … I have had too much history with molestation to put up with that.

Its not fair to him no but I don’t risk it either.

so rather than figure out what actually happened, and accuse the kid of something he might not have done, you'd just ditch him and assume guilt?

This isn't a court of law. The safety of the pancake is at stake. Better to err on the side of caution.

Yeah probably … I have had too much history with molestation to put up with that.

Its not fair to him no but I don’t risk it either.

ah...see, I was on the other side of this, where a girl I asked out happend to be friends with an ex of mine (a very bitter ex), and the ex claimed we broke up because I molested her. The claims were totally false, but the stories did get around and it took me a bit of time to clear them up and actually get a date with the girl.

Always assume guilt. ALWAYS.

When it is your personal safety and its not removing some one else’s right … yes play it safe

It may be the comp security side of me but I am a strong believer in my personal life on least privileged users. If a host (person) shows that they have the definite potential to harm they are dropped from the trusted list and put on another list till their trustworthiness can be re verified.

This isn't a court of law. The safety of the pancake is at stake. Better to err on the side of caution.

thats why I say give the kid a fighting chance. Err on caution, of course. Don't go to his house on the first date. Don't put yourself in a dangerous situation. But at the very least, figure out the whole story.

ah...see, I was on the other side of this, where a girl I asked out happend to be friends with an ex of mine (a very bitter ex), and the ex claimed we broke up because I molested her. The claims were totally false, but the stories did get around and it took me a bit of time to clear them up and actually get a date with the girl.

I am not saying completely drop things but defiantly the girl should step away and re evaluate the trust. It may turn out all for naught but I would not continue seeing that person one on one till things were shown one way or another

I mean it's odd. CP claims she was 'molested' by this guy, but only brings it up AFTER asking if Dark was going out with him.

But nooo. This isn't a case of simple childish jealousy and the usual mind-fuck games high school kids play. No! The guy must be GUILTY! Quick, get the lynch mob!

I mean it's odd. CP claims she was 'molested' by this guy, but only brings it up AFTER asking if Dark was going out with him.

But nooo. This isn't a case of simple childish jealousy and the usual mind-fuck games high school kids play. No! The guy must be GUILTY! Quick, get the lynch mob!

Who said lynch … what I am advocating is steeping back in case it is true until you can figure it out one way or another

This is your PERSONAL SAFTY why the fuck would you risk everything for this?

Would you trust your kids to someone who had been accused of child molestation weather or not it was true?

Who said lynch … what I am advocating is steeping back in case it is true until you can figure it out one way or another


You said "dump the guy," that's not stepping back, that's closing all the doors and hiding under the nearest bed while fumbling at your rosaries.


This is your PERSONAL SAFTY why the fuck would you risk everything for this?


Risking "everything?" Please. CP spread a nasty rumor about her ex "molesting" her. The way you're talking, there's been a confirmed incident whereby CP was raped and killed.


Would you trust your kids to someone who had been accused of child molestation weather or not it was true?

Irrelevant. I don't have kids. My stance is the same whether or not you are making appeals to my emotion. Gossip is not a cause for life-and-death panic.

lol, im sorry

but high school drama is just hilarious to me

lol, im sorry

but high school drama is just hilarious to me

Me, too, but I'm also sad, because there is a legitimate cause for concern. I wish this could just be funny :(

You said "dump the guy," that's not stepping back, that's closing all the doors and hiding under the nearest bed while fumbling at your rosaries.


No its not they dont have any comitment in the relationship ... take a break till things get figured out

Its not like I am advocating devorse here



Risking "everything?" Please. CP spread a nasty rumor about her ex "molesting" her. The way you're talking, there's been a confirmed incident whereby CP was raped and killed.


57 percent of rapes occur on dates with someone in the us ... I would be worried personaly



Irrelevant. I don't have kids. My stance is the same whether or not you are making appeals to my emotion. Gossip is not a cause for life-and-death panic.

Not really an appeal to emotion …the analogy was to point out the fact that people would not often take the same risks with someone in their care that they would take for themselves.

If you're uncomfortable, cancel the date.

High school guys get rejected by high school girls all the time. All you'll be doing is returning him to his natural state of self-loathing. No worries.

My advice: Don't go out with this guy alone untl you're sure he's okay. But don't assume that he's guilty either. Check things out. Get his side of the story.

Also, if you do go out with him, make sure you can get home by yourself in case he IS a creep.

Always assume guilt. ALWAYS.

If girls in High School always assume guilt about a guy, then I have no chance of a date to homecoming. There are so many different rumors about me going around at my school that I have lost track of who I have been accussed made love to and how many times. It sucks to be a proud virgin in High School, it creates so many rumors about you.

It's not like you need a date.

The social pressure to have one is idiotic.

57 percent of rapes occur on dates with someone in the us ... I would be worried personaly

Well if you look at it that way, you'd be against dating no matter what, since according to your statistic there's a greater chance of it ending with rape than anything else.

Not really an appeal to emotion …the analogy was to point out the fact that people would not often take the same risks with someone in their care that they would take for themselves.

Aha, but the reason they wouldn't is because of emotion. In any case it doesn't work with me, I'm a robot.

I mean it's odd. CP claims she was 'molested' by this guy, but only brings it up AFTER asking if Dark was going out with him.

SP asked, and CP overheard the answer. SP and CP are two different people. :rolleyes:

No, it's not writer's block. It's just some gossip I heard today from some of the people in the marching band (two of the people in my section actually). And yes, it concerns me. For once in my life .

What happened was, this guy (a junior) asked me out last week, and I said yes. It got all over the school, and today "SP" (only using her initials) asked me if I was going out with "PJ". I told her yes, and "MF" (the section leader, and yes that is her initials) said that PJ had once asked her out but she said no because he creeped her out (doesn't creep me out...). Later on... CP told me that she and her friends had been molested by this guy.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

That may be why peole have been giving me strange looks lately... :eek:

But now what do I do!??!!?!?
that is up to you.

if you absolutely trust the source of the gossip, then break it off... if you don't and feel he may be unfairly targetted, go ahead with the date. take precautions. Say ask some friends to double date. or have a can of mace strapped somewhere on your body.

but make sure people know where you're going and who you're with. if possible, have various people call you "and check up on you" and casually say where you are... "can't talk now, I'm at [title of movie] and it's getting to a good part, I'll call you back." or so forth.

it may, and I say MAY, be that he is a nice person and not at all like the gossip say.

SP asked, and CP overheard the answer. SP and CP are two different people. :rolleyes:

Okay, I'll update my TV Guide.

Well if you look at it that way, you'd be against dating no matter what, since according to your statistic there's a greater chance of it ending with rape than anything else.

I most deffinatly would be wary at first ... specialy in the OP's position with a new relationship where the other quantity is not nessisarily known.

The fact that the guy right or wrong is acuse of molestation deffinatly would make me step back take a break and re-evaluate before deciding to date the person or not




Aha, but the reason they wouldn't is because of emotion. In any case it doesn't work with me, I'm a robot.

Yes but you made the call of an "appeal to motion" as the falicy ... there is no problem reffering to emotional states and comparing emotion in a debate the only problem is when you try to apeal to the emotion to override the flow of the debate

Thats not what I did ... or at least not what I was attempting to do

Double date? That's so 20th century.

No no, you should do something casual, like hang out downtown together. At 3 AM. In a dark alley.

Hey, some of the best dates I've been on have been in dark alleys downtown after 3 AM.

that is up to you.

if you absolutely trust the source of the gossip, then break it off... if you don't and feel he may be unfairly targetted, go ahead with the date. take precautions. Say ask some friends to double date. or have a can of mace strapped somewhere on your body.

but make sure people know where you're going and who you're with. if possible, have various people call you "and check up on you" and casually say where you are... "can't talk now, I'm at [title of movie] and it's getting to a good part, I'll call you back." or so forth.

it may, and I say MAY, be that he is a nice person and not at all like the gossip say.

Agreed but in eather case I would take a step back untill things get figured out one way or another ... possibly see eachother in larger settings (double dates that sort of thing)

Specialy with as new as this relationship sounds

that is up to you.

if you absolutely trust the source of the gossip, then break it off... if you don't and feel he may be unfairly targetted, go ahead with the date. take precautions. Say ask some friends to double date. or have a can of mace strapped somewhere on your body.

but make sure people know where you're going and who you're with. if possible, have various people call you "and check up on you" and casually say where you are... "can't talk now, I'm at [title of movie] and it's getting to a good part, I'll call you back." or so forth.

it may, and I say MAY, be that he is a nice person and not at all like the gossip say.

Well, I do trust CP, she's never screwed me up yet. And MF said he was really weird, two people can't be wrong. And everyone's been tellign me "be careful" and stuff liek that... :eek: I thought it was because I was a freshman, but :eek:

I did call him earlier but my phone died before I could ask him about it. :mad: stupid phone.

And by the way, "going out" here is the same as "dating"... we just had a date 2 days ago....

And I don't know if CP has MSN messenger, and I don't kno w her phone number. :(

Go on a few group dates, and don't be alone.

If he freaks you out, dump him.

Well, I do trust CP, she's never screwed me up yet. And MF said he was really weird, two people can't be wrong. And everyone's been tellign me "be careful" and stuff liek that... :eek: I thought it was because I was a freshman, but :eek:

I did call him earlier but my phone died before I could ask him about it. :mad: stupid phone.

And by the way, "going out" here is the same as "dating"... we just had a date 2 days ago....

And I don't know if CP has MSN messenger, and I don't kno w her phone number. :(
so you went out with him twice... what was your impression... did it match those gossips?

sit back and go through those dates in your mind...
did you enjoy yourself?
did he do anything "weird?"
did he seem anxious or hurried?
did he seem like the person you heard about?

oh and always be prepared for the worse. ;)

so you went out with him twice... what was your impression... did it match those gossips?

sit back and go through those dates in your mind...
did you enjoy yourself?
did he do anything "weird?"
did he seem anxious or hurried?
did he seem like the person you heard about?

oh and always be prepared for the worse. ;)

The only thing "weird" he did was keep hugging me, I don't mind hugs but not CONSTANTLY, and in public. (I'm weird like that). :mad:

The only thing "weird" he did was keep hugging me, I don't mind hugs but not CONSTANTLY, and in public. (I'm weird like that). :mad:that might be where the "molestation" stories came from... not to mention the "weirdness"

Did you ask him not to hug you so constantly? he might be insecure or just has a "clingly/needy" personality complex and/or might not be aware he's doing it.

I had a co-worker who was all touchy-feelly... had to put her arm around me, or touch my shoulders... all at work. and being that I am extremely tickl... err... I just asked her to tone it down a bit... and that's when she told me it was something she unconciously did. she did make an effort to cut down...

if he persists on the hugs, or his hands start to... ahem... wander... then break it off and/or back away.

Well, I do trust CP, she's never screwed me up yet. And MF said he was really weird, two people can't be wrong. And everyone's been tellign me "be careful" and stuff liek that... :eek: I thought it was because I was a freshman, but :eek:

I did call him earlier but my phone died before I could ask him about it. :mad: stupid phone.

And by the way, "going out" here is the same as "dating"... we just had a date 2 days ago....

And I don't know if CP has MSN messenger, and I don't kno w her phone number. :(

First off: molestation isn't rape.

Yes, two people can be wrong. Actually, it's more than two, because CP represents several friends who have been molested by him. MF, imho, simply doesn't know enough about him, beyond telling you about some vague discomfort she feels when she's around him. But they all represent only one side of the story. Please disregard the "guilty-until-proven-innocent" advice that you're getting from others, who at the same time, say nothing about speaking to the guy about the matter. That's a surefire way to condemn people, and I sure hope that you don't get comfortable with being judgmental and dismissive like that.

Talk to him. Let him know how concerned you are about this. He, being a teenager, will probably be defensive, and overreact loudly, out of wounded pride, whether he's innocent or guilty. Keep calm, get him to calm down as well, and get his side of the story.

First off: molestation isn't rape.


very true. and what does a middle school/high school girl consider molestation?

i have heard many high schoolers complain that so and so was "yelling" at them. where i was there and this "yelling" was nothing more then a stern voice.