NationStates Jolt Archive

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

So, you want us to rationalise it for you?

OK, here goes: in ten years, you'll be 24 and she'll be 22, which is entirely natural. Feel better?

The same thing you'd do if you liked another 14 year old. That and *fap fap fap fap* yourself silly.

nothing wrong with that at your relative ages. i'm over 20 and going out with a 16 year old... some people think that's weird, and they probably have more reason to than you would being 14 and 12.
the problem would be that at 12 she may well not be capable of the kind of attention you may wish to give her, emotionally, psychologically, or (if you were to do such a thing, which i suggest not) physically.

So, you want us to rationalise it for you?

OK, here goes: in ten years, you'll be 24 and she'll be 22, which is entirely natural. Feel better?

So then I'll wait untill I'm 24?
At the moment she's only a little kid, not even become a teenager yet.

nothing wrong with that at your relative ages. i'm over 20 and going out with a 16 year old... some people think that's weird, and they probably have more reason to than you would being 14 and 12.
the problem would be that at 12 she may well not be capable of the kind of attention you may wish to give her, emotionally, psychologically, or (if you were to do such a thing, which i suggest not) physically.

In my state of Indiana the legal age of consent for sex is 16...

So then I'll wait untill I'm 24?
At the moment she's only a little kid, not even become a teenager yet.

Congratulations. You managed to read my post and miss the point entirely.

So then I'll wait untill I'm 24?
At the moment she's only a little kid, not even become a teenager yet.
The difference between twelve and fourteen is really rather immaterial. 12 y/o's are hardly little children, and not much less mature than a 13 y/o. Do what Ifreann said. (the first part... I won't comment on the second ;) )

nothing wrong with that at your relative ages. i'm over 20 and going out with a 16 year old... some people think that's weird, and they probably have more reason to than you would being 14 and 12.
the problem would be that at 12 she may well not be capable of the kind of attention you may wish to give her, emotionally, psychologically, or (if you were to do such a thing, which i suggest not) physically.

That's what I think aswell.

In my state of Indiana the legal age of consent for sex is 16...

as it is here

as it is here

In Ireland it used to be 15 for boys and 17 for girls. But some smart people figured this was retarded and unfair. So they raised it to 17 for boys too.

nothing wrong with that at your relative ages. i'm over 20 and going out with a 16 year old... some people think that's weird, and they probably have more reason to than you would being 14 and 12.
the problem would be that at 12 she may well not be capable of the kind of attention you may wish to give her, emotionally, psychologically, or (if you were to do such a thing, which i suggest not) physically.
Don't forget morally.-_-
------------------------
More importantly...
Does she have a tight arse?

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

Two year difference. Big fucking whoop. Go for her I say!

In Ireland it used to be 15 for boys and 17 for girls. But some smart people figured this was retarded and unfair. So they raised it to 17 for boys too.

In Germany, they found a nice compromise I think :

14 if the partner is 16 or younger
16 if the partner is 17 or older

Don't forget morally.-_-
------------------------
More importantly...
Does she have a tight arse?
*chuckles* Oh, Harlesburg. You're so offensive.

In Germany, they found a nice compromise I think :

14 if the partner is 16 or younger
16 if the partner is 17 or older

Yay Germany. Why did you move here anyway? :p

You're 14. No need to take it all so seriously. :)

Well, maybe you should just go ahead and ask her out. girl mature more quickly then boys so even tho you might be 14 and she 12, her body is at the same physical development the you r.

At the moment she's only a little kid, not even become a teenager yet.I really don't see the problem. You find yourself attracted to someone, but think you oughtn't pursue her. Well, then don't.
I regularly find myself attracted to people I wouldn't start a relationship with for one reason or another. C'est la vie. You'll get over the attraction eventually.

Yay Germany. Why did you move here anyway? :p

Because I left that age so far behind me that all my memories of it seem to be in black and white. And because there's jobs here :D

I really don't see the problem. You find yourself attracted to someone, but think you oughtn't pursue her. Well, then don't.
I regularly find myself attracted to people I wouldn't start a relationship with for one reason or another. C'est la vie. You'll get over the attraction eventually.

I think i'd want to start a relationship with her. I just wasn't sure if she would be ready for such a thing.

I think i'd want to start a relationship with her. I just wasn't sure if she would be ready for such a thing.

She's fuckin' 12. Of course, she's not. You're 14. You're not either.

Whoa, two years. That's a pretty huge difference. I have trouble remembering back two years ago.

I think i'd want to start a relationship with her. I just wasn't sure if she would be ready for such a thing.Then give it a year, or two. Or however many it takes untill you're comfortable with the age difference.

One thing :

LOL


Anyways a 14 year old dating a 12 year old is fine . Just like me . I am also like you , 14 and I'm currently dating a 12 . :) Anyways , as long as the girls at most 2 years younger than you , I'll say go for it .

Tell it to her then ... Then see her reaction !

"Genetically paedophiles have more in common with a crab than a humn". Dr Neil Fox summarises my feelings regarding you.

my husband is 31 and I am 24, you think that's screwed up? probably not because we are both adults.

I really don't think 12 and 14 is a problem as long as you think she is mature enough to hang out......so, hang out with her.

I don't advocate sex for 14 year olds anyway.

Maybe you could find out if she likes you?

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

My personal view is that there would be nothing wrong with dating her, though, speaking from hearing of many many experiences, neither of you are ready for sex (why "get it over with" at such a young age when you can wait just a couple or a few more years and make it special?). I also think that some people, particular females and old people, may have a problem with it if you are male (speaking based on a friend's experience, where lots of women basically treated him like a paedophile), so I would suggest letting her know that you fancy her, but wait until she's 13 before you go out with her, as then at least you're both teenagers.

"Genetically paedophiles have more in common with a crab than a humn". Dr Neil Fox summarises my feelings regarding you.

Jeez, so the kid has his first crush. Give him a break, will you? :rolleyes:

Jeez, so the kid has his first crush. Give him a break, will you? :rolleyes:

At fourteen? What on earth has he been doing for four years?:p

I don't feel able to, in truth. The emotional, physical and social differences, the social perception notwithstanding, between a twelve and fourteen year old can never equate to the relationship Smunkee cites.

In my state of Indiana the legal age of consent for sex is 16...In my country of Germany, legal age of consent is 14.

In my country of Germany, legal age of consent is 14.

Is it also true in Germany that women only have to be 15 to appear topless on the internet?

At fourteen? What on earth has he been doing for four years?:p

I don't feel able to, in truth. The emotional, physical and social differences, the social perception notwithstanding, between a twelve and fourteen year old can never equate to the relationship Smunkee cites.

Of course not. And it's not very likely that they will get married, is it? We're talking about dating here, a little flirting, maybe a first kiss. Nothing more.

Is it also true in Germany that women only have to be 15 to appear topless on the internet?

I honestly don't know... but there's no age limit to go topless on the beaches ;)

Of course not. And it's not very likely that they will get married, is it? We're talking about dating here, a little flirting, maybe a first kiss. Nothing more.

yes, flirting, hanging out, etc... that's what I meant. I was just trying to say it's okay for him to hang out with someone 2 years younger.

I honestly don't know... but there's no age limit to go topless on the beaches ;)

so you could do it at like 13? :eek:

so you could do it at like 13? :eek:

What - go to the beach topless? Of course you could. Whyever not?

Is it also true in Germany that women only have to be 15 to appear topless on the internet?No clue. I never paid attention to that. Probably not, though.

so you could do it at like 13? :eek:

I sense a plane ticket to Germany in your future. *gag*

so you could do it at like 13? :eek:

Here in Singapore it is completely illegal to even go topless ...

so you could do it at like 13? :eek:You can go completely naked too. It's called "freedom". Not sure if they have it over here :p

yes, flirting, hanging out, etc... that's what I meant. I was just trying to say it's okay for him to hang out with someone 2 years younger.

Of course its alright ...

nothing actually wrong with it.

its just would be easier to wait a year.

Of course not. And it's not very likely that they will get married, is it? We're talking about dating here, a little flirting, maybe a first kiss. Nothing more.

I still maintain that the dynamics of the relationship are simply wrong. Provided that said twelve year old is genuinely mature, perhaps it is permissable, however the differences inherent to a twelve and fourteen year old, notably given that females mature later at any rate, are immense.

I sense a plane ticket to Germany in your future. *gag*

did you mistake the shocked face for a smily face? *rolls eyes*

You can go completely naked too. It's called "freedom". Not sure if they have it over here :p

On a a public beach in Germany? They aint that relaxed about nudity are they?

What - go to the beach topless? Of course you could. Whyever not?

I was referring to women... some people think breasts are rude.

I still maintain that the dynamics of the relationship are simply wrong. Provided that said twelve year old is genuinely mature, perhaps it is permissable, however the differences inherent to a twelve and fourteen year old, notably given that females mature later at any rate, are immense.

Well, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. That doesn't mean he shouldn't give it a try, I think.

I was referring to women... some people think breasts are rude.

So was I. Men tend to be topless most of the time when on a beach, no?

Well, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. That doesn't mean he shouldn't give it a try, I think.

If it was my daughter, I'd be a tad miffed...

On a a public beach in Germany? They aint that relaxed about nudity are they?

Of course they are.
On the entire coastline of the Baltic sea it's actually considered rude to be clothed on the beach.
Nobody would even look twice if a girl decided to be topless in a Freibad (public pool), or go naked by a lake or river.

If it was my daughter, I'd be a tad miffed...

Which would be the best way to make the whole thing even more interesting to your daughter. ;)

The formula screws you over for the next 4 years.

(The formula being: take your age, divide by two and add seven=that's the youngest person you should date. Smunkee is well within that.) For you, of course, that means that you can only date other 14 year olds. At 16 you get to date 15 year olds and at 18 the formula would finally smile on your love.

But if you're only really doing some sort of Norman Rockwell/Wonder Years kind of thing then, meh. But I do think that there is a marked difference between 12 and 14, a lot of changes happen in that interval. But meh. Just don't get too carried away.

So was I. Men tend to be topless most of the time when on a beach, no?

True, but I was asking whether it was legal for women of ANY age in Germany

On a a public beach in Germany? They aint that relaxed about nudity are they?On a public beach, most certainly. Municipal swimming pools, no, but lakes and beaches, yes.

notably given that females mature later at any rate?! Isn't that contrary to popular wisdom?
Most would content females mature earlier.

Which would be the best way to make the whole thing even more interesting to your daughter. ;)

Probably.

My cousin is in much the same situation. She met her second cousin, and thus mercifully no relation to myself, at a family barbecue, and now touts him as her "boyfriend". He's 16, she's twelve.....

I was referring to women... some people think breasts are rude.If they think breasts are rude, I seriously suggest they never visit a German beach, because topless is common and totally nude isn't unheard of.

?! Isn't that contrary to popular wisdom?
Most would content females mature earlier.

My mistake. Biology really wasn't my strong point.....

Jeez, so the kid has his first crush. Give him a break, will you? :rolleyes:

Yea ,just give him a break ...

True, but I was asking whether it was legal for women of ANY age in Germany

Yep. Any age. Toddler to granny, you can see them all in the nude.

True, but I was asking whether it was legal for women of ANY age in GermanyOn a beach? Yeah, why not?

Of course they are.
On the entire coastline of the Baltic sea it's actually considered rude to be clothed on the beach.
Nobody would even look twice if a girl decided to be topless in a Freibad (public pool), or go naked by a lake or river.

This is true. I remember in Germany and Austria when I visited women were topless in the public pool. The people with me wanted to stare at the women because they were like "WHOAH MILD NUDITY!!!" I really don't see what the big deal is. I felt embarassed for my dumb-ass countrymen. Although they were basically embarassing themselves throughout Europe so it was to be expected...

I really don't mind the nudity. Here in the US there is this whole 'what would the children think' thing. Children wouldn't think anything, they don't have all the weird nudity hangups that adults have.

Also, so many of our advertisments are so much more provocative and sexual than the ones in other countries. I would honestly rather have a few naked people walking around beaches than having all these billboard sluts trying to sell me beer every time I am riding in a car down the highway.

Also, so many of our advertisments are so much more provocative and sexual than the ones in other countries. I would honestly rather have a few naked people walking around beaches than having all these billboard sluts trying to sell me beer every time I am riding in a car down the highway.

That's one of the good things about public nudity. You get exposed to all forms and sizes, not just the skin-insect annorexic models, so the preasure to be just like them is lower because you know that everybody looks different.

"Genetically paedophiles have more in common with a crab than a humn". Dr Neil Fox summarises my feelings regarding you.

Did you catch the bit where he's fourteen years old, or did you just read the title?

Did you catch the bit where he's fourteen years old, or did you just read the title?

There's more to read than the title?

Of course they are.
On the entire coastline of the Baltic sea it's actually considered rude to be clothed on the beach.
Nobody would even look twice if a girl decided to be topless in a Freibad (public pool), or go naked by a lake or river.
Public nudity is rude. It just ain't right

There's more to read than the title?

As opposed to jumping to the conclusion that he's a pedophile, yes. Like the rest of the OP.

Public nudity is rude. It just ain't right

Rudeness is determined by the cultural system of where you live. There's no 'it just ain't right' when it comes to stuff like that.

Public nudity is rude. It just ain't right

HOW?

HOW?

It isn't natural!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

It isn't natural!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

Granted its kinda freaky to accidently catch an eyefull of granny tits but its not like anybodys staring at anybody.By the way my girlfriend went topless in france and got her nipples sunburnt for some reason she hasn't done it again.:p

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?


a worse situation: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=500949&page=6

You're fine. ^, on the other hand, actually has a slight problem. ;)
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For :fluffle: , though, I'd wait a couple years.

Granted its kinda freaky to accidently catch an eyefull of granny tits but its not like anybodys staring at anybody.By the way my girlfriend went topless in france and got her nipples sunburnt for some reason she hasn't done it again.:p

Someone forgot to apply sunscreen. *nodnod*

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

um...your only 14, get over yourself. There is no issue here. Now if it was me, at 19, there would be an issue.

Someone forgot to apply sunscreen. *nodnod*

Yeah for some reason I got the blame for not reminding her.She pretty much kicked my arse..

Originally Posted by Harlesburg

More importantly...
Does she have a tight arse?

Bad taste that man!

Public nudity is rude. It just ain't right

It's perfectly right. What is your problem? :p

Dude... deja vu... I asked a very similar question very recently (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=500944) Um... as long as you don't pressure her/force her to do anything/show her porn or something. I think it's fine. Hormones are a strange and dangerous thing. I myself went through a stage where I jumped from one side of the sexuality meter to another randomly for like a week, very disconcerting.

Yeah for some reason I got the blame for not reminding her.She pretty much kicked my arse..

Surely you offered to apply it?

Nothing wrong with it dude. When I was your age, I had the same situation. Nothin' wrong. Go for dude!

Surely you offered to apply it?
Was swimming at the time but offered to apply the after sun.Got mumbeled something in french about fucking off from her crispy nipples.:p

It really all depends on the person.

When I was 16 i was really attracted to a 12 year old. I never did anything but felt guilty as hell about it anyways.

Honestly, as long as you're not banging her, it should be fine.

And if you guys wanna see a TRULY controversial relationship, check out the movie 'Leon: the Professional.' 12 year old falls in love with 50 year old dude, and it's not as a father figure either. You'd think it would be gross as hell, and really pedophiliac, but surprisingly, its very sweet.

They cut most of the more scandalous scenes out of the American version.

EDIT: BTW, there is NOTHING wrong with public nudity. As a matter of fact, it's more 'natural' than wearing clothes. Nothing to be ashamed of.

It really all depends on the person.

When I was 16 i was really attracted to a 12 year old. I never did anything but felt guilty as hell about it anyways.

Honestly, as long as you're not banging her, it should be fine.

And if you guys wanna see a TRULY controversial relationship, check out the movie 'Leon: the Professional.' 12 year old falls in love with 50 year old dude, and it's not as a father figure either. You'd think it would be gross as hell, and really pedophiliac, but surprisingly, its very sweet.
They cut most of the more scandalous scenes out of the American version.

EDIT: BTW, there is NOTHING wrong with public nudity. As a matter of fact, it's more 'natural' than wearing clothes. Nothing to be ashamed of.
I think the original script is available online.The in which she ends takink him to bed.I don't think they could ever have made it which is too bad as its a pretty well written scene and handels the material well if you consider that besides killing Leon pretty had a childish nature.

It isn't natural!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

I'm guessing you're either being sarcastic, or dumb. Of course it's frigging natural, we're born naked. It aint natural to wear clothes. I'd love to be able to just go outside to the shops naked instead of having to piss about finding clean stuff to wear

Living in houses aint natural... driving vehicles aint natural... poking your tongue out is "rude" in many cultures where nudity is "rude", so whether something is "rude" is a cultural issue and irrelevant really as long as it doesn't harm people...

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

at 12 shes probably not allowed to date. dont do anything that would require her to defy her parents. its not fair to her. wait until her parents let her date then go for it.

until then you can be her friend and let her parents get used to the idea that you are an OK guy. that might speed up the day when she is allowed to date.

if she IS allowed to date. remember that she is 12. she is not ready for ANY adult relationship activities. kissing is the limit. it doesnt matter if she wants more, she isnt ready and its your job to make sure things dont go too far.

dont be surprised that if she likes you now, she moves on to someone else in a month or so. 12 is an age to "play the field" and emotions change quickly

good luck.

Public nudity is rude. It just ain't right

I have absolutely no problems with public nudity. I am completely nude in my home at almost all times, and when I go to the local nude beach or various Pagan campouts I am always nude to some varying degree. I think that the body is perfectly natural thing and viewing the nude body is not an inherently sexual thing. I wish there were more places where public nudity was legal in the US

I'm guessing you're either being sarcastic, or dumb. Of course it's frigging natural, we're born naked. It aint natural to wear clothes. I'd love to be able to just go outside to the shops naked instead of having to piss about finding clean stuff to wear

Living in houses aint natural... driving vehicles aint natural... poking your tingue out is "rude" in many cultures where nudity is "rude", so whether something is "rude" is a cultural issue and irrelevant really as long as it doesn't harm people...


Right the first time.

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

I think kids your age are better served to wait until you are a little older before getting into serious relationships. you just aren't mature enough yet to handle a serious relationship.

Most people here are probably going to argue with me, but I think you will find it more rewarding to have her as a friend. You do the boyfriend-girlfriend thing and you'll probably end up losing a friend when the relationship goes south.

I think kids your age are better served to wait until you are a little older before getting into serious relationships. you just aren't mature enough yet to handle a serious relationship.

Most people here are probably going to argue with me, but I think you will find it more rewarding to have her as a friend. You do the boyfriend-girlfriend thing and you'll probably end up losing a friend when the relationship goes south.

This actually makes alot of sense. Don't not date her out of preconceptions, don't date her so you won't lose a good friend.

The difference between twelve and fourteen is really rather immaterial. 12 y/o's are hardly little children, and not much less mature than a 13 y/o. Do what Ifreann said. (the first part... I won't comment on the second ;) )

Uh, no. The difference between twelve and fourteen is substantial. At twelve I hadn't even gone through puberty yet. I'd never been pashed. I'd never been drunk. I was in the seventh grade. Cartoons were still a Saturday morning ritual. At fourteen I was drinking, fucking, hanging around with guys that smoke pot. I stayed out late. I sucked cock. Tell me that there's no difference between 12 and 14 now.
--Knowyourright.

Uh, no. The difference between twelve and fourteen is substantial. At twelve I hadn't even gone through puberty yet. I'd never been pashed. I'd never been drunk. I was in the seventh grade. Cartoons were still a Saturday morning ritual. At fourteen I was drinking, fucking, hanging around with guys that smoke pot. I stayed out late. I sucked cock. Tell me that there's no difference between 12 and 14 now.
--Knowyourright.
Oh well. I expect it's because I'm a loserish child who doesn't do any of those things. :( I don't know any others in my year who would do that to as large a degree, though. I personally don't see a huge difference there in my school.

Oh well. I expect it's because I'm a loserish child who doesn't do any of those things. :( I don't know any others in my year who would do that to as large a degree, though. I personally don't see a huge difference there in my school.

Number one, my point was, that from my experience (and everyone else I know), a lot changes between the ages of 12 and 14. Also, if you can't see a difference between 7th graders and 9th graders, your school isn't teaching.
--Knowyourright.

take it slow. you have all the time ahead of you. rushing it will only hurt.

So, you want us to rationalise it for you?

OK, here goes: in ten years, you'll be 24 and she'll be 22, which is entirely natural. Feel better?

haha I have to agree

"Genetically paedophiles have more in common with a crab than a humn". Dr Neil Fox summarises my feelings regarding you.
Honestly, I'd far rather be related to a crab all things considered. This "doctor" is an ignorant bigot and I'd rather believe he's right about me and him being different species.
You can go completely naked too. It's called "freedom". Not sure if they have it over here :p
They don't. What do you expect from a contry founded by Puritains?

(Disclaimer, I know full well that the sexual hysteria is a far more recent innovation that wasn't present among the puritains, and simply used the refference as a joke. I still don't think there's such a thing as freedom in the USA, though.)
I still maintain that the dynamics of the relationship are simply wrong. Provided that said twelve year old is genuinely mature, perhaps it is permissable, however the differences inherent to a twelve and fourteen year old, notably given that females mature later at any rate, are immense.
What planet are you living on. Girls mature faster than boys. Ever notice how teenage girls often tower over their classmates? That's because they're maturing faster. Sure, women reach their sexual peak (around 35) far later than men (around 17), but physical maturation, and entering puberty happens sooner for girls.
Did you catch the bit where he's fourteen years old, or did you just read the title?
Incidentally, why does it matter if he's 14 or 40? If being attracted to 12 year olds is wrong, then it's wrong for everyone, no?
um...your only 14, get over yourself. There is no issue here. Now if it was me, at 19, there would be an issue.
You wanna explain why that is? What is it that you, at 19 would do to harm a romantic interest that he, at 14 wouldn't? Are young teenagers particularly noted for being considerate of one another's feelings, and more capable of maintaining healthy romantic relationships than adults?
I think kids your age are better served to wait until you are a little older before getting into serious relationships. you just aren't mature enough yet to handle a serious relationship.

Most people here are probably going to argue with me, but I think you will find it more rewarding to have her as a friend. You do the boyfriend-girlfriend thing and you'll probably end up losing a friend when the relationship goes south.
I find it interesting that you use the phrase "when the relationship goes south" as though it is somehow inevidable that the relationship will end badly. Not every relationship does, you know.

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

No big deal. I am 3.5 years older than my wife. We have been married for 38 years. Two years and two months, not big deal.

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

It only seems weird because you two are young. If you two were 24 and 22, would it seem weird (sorry for using some elses examples.)

Incidentally, why does it matter if he's 14 or 40? If being attracted to 12 year olds is wrong, then it's wrong for everyone, no?

You wanna explain why that is? What is it that you, at 19 would do to harm a romantic interest that he, at 14 wouldn't? Are young teenagers particularly noted for being considerate of one another's feelings, and more capable of maintaining healthy romantic relationships than adults?

I think it has something to do with a teen being able to empathise more with another teen/having less power. Teens and children are told to obey adults unquestioningly, so a teen might be less likely to speak against something that an adult is asking, then a child. Also, it's much less likely he'll remain sttracted to 12 year olds. He's at the age where people are often sorting out their attractions. I went through a stage where I was attracted to men, but I grew out of it. It's oly a problem if it's perminant. And if he doesn't act on it, it wouldn't matter even then.

I think it has something to do with a teen being able to empathise more with another teen/having less power. Teens and children are told to obey adults unquestioningly, so a teen might be less likely to speak against something that an adult is asking, then a child. Also, it's much less likely he'll remain sttracted to 12 year olds. He's at the age where people are often sorting out their attractions. I went through a stage where I was attracted to men, but I grew out of it. It's oly a problem if it's perminant. And if he doesn't act on it, it wouldn't matter even then.

So the problem is that children are forced to do whatever adults tell them to do? If this were not the case, after all, teens and children would be just as likely to speak against something an adult was asking as they would another child.

Seems to me, the more people explain these things to me, the more I come to the conclusion that our fucked up, child hating culture is to blame for everything.

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?


Dont even bother. She may be differnt, but in general, 12-year olds are far less matured. You might want too wait till she is developed mentally...and erm- physically. Right now, stick to your *fap*fap*fap*fap*

Dont even bother. She may be differnt, but in general, 12-year olds are far less matured. You might want too wait till she is developed mentally...and erm- physically. Right now, stick to your *fap*fap*fap*fap*

Just because you don't get the attraction isn't sufficient reason that he should not pursue the relationship.

Uh, no. The difference between twelve and fourteen is substantial. At twelve I hadn't even gone through puberty yet. I'd never been pashed. I'd never been drunk. I was in the seventh grade. Cartoons were still a Saturday morning ritual. At fourteen I was drinking, fucking, hanging around with guys that smoke pot. I stayed out late. I sucked cock. Tell me that there's no difference between 12 and 14 now.
--Knowyourright.

Funny, most of the girls I know had done most of that by the time they were 12. ;)

nothing wrong with that at your relative ages. i'm over 20 and going out with a 16 year old... some people think that's weird, and they probably have more reason to than you would being 14 and 12.
the problem would be that at 12 she may well not be capable of the kind of attention you may wish to give her, emotionally, psychologically, or (if you were to do such a thing, which i suggest not) physically.

Unlike the other posters in this thread, who made excuses or accepted the excuses that one day your age diffeences will become irrelevant, your age differences TODAY are NOT irrelevant.

You have come of age, she has not. YOU need to mind your own damn affairs until she comes of age. IF she is still interested in you in two years, then by all means, knock yourself out. Until then, if you touch her, your should be charged with statutory rape. YOU are too old for her today. Two years from now, that will be different. But that fact does NOT change the fact that she is currently a minor and you are not...

You are the adult, YOU are the one that needs to be held accountable. YOU have to act like an adult and tell her you both have to wait.

Unlike the other posters in this thread, who made excuses or accepted the excuses that one day your age diffeences will become irrelevant, your age differences TODAY are NOT irrelevant.

You have come of age, she has not. YOU need to mind your own damn affairs until she comes of age. IF she is still interested in you in two years, then by all means, knock yourself out. Until then, if you touch her, your should be charged with statutory rape. YOU are too old for her today. Two years from now, that will be different. But that fact does NOT change the fact that she is currently a minor and you are not...

You are the adult, YOU are the one that needs to be held accountable. YOU have to act like an adult and tell her you both have to wait.

Dude, he's asking if it would be okay to date her, not if it's okay to bone her.

Unlike the other posters in this thread, who made excuses or accepted the excuses that one day your age diffeences will become irrelevant, your age differences TODAY are NOT irrelevant.

You have come of age, she has not. YOU need to mind your own damn affairs until she comes of age. IF she is still interested in you in two years, then by all means, knock yourself out. Until then, if you touch her, your should be charged with statutory rape. YOU are too old for her today. Two years from now, that will be different. But that fact does NOT change the fact that she is currently a minor and you are not...

You are the adult, YOU are the one that needs to be held accountable. YOU have to act like an adult and tell her you both have to wait.

Neither of them are adults, and, further, girls usually hit puberty earlier.

So, your arguement falls flat.

Seems to me, the more people explain these things to me, the more I come to the conclusion that our fucked up, child hating culture is to blame for everything.

The more I read your posts, the more I'm convinced you post for one reason and one reason only: to justify to others (and yourself) your own desire to fuck children.

Neither of them are adults, and, further, girls usually hit puberty earlier.

So, your arguement falls flat.
Yeah. A minor can't statutorily rape someone only two years younger than them.

I say it's just freakin' fine to date her, assuming she is reasonably mature. You might want to consider whether you would like to risk damaging your existing friendship, should the relationship fall apart.

But on the other hand, two of my best friends right now are girls that I dated/was "special friends" with before.

Girls go through puberty much quicker than boys. avg maximum age difference that is acceptable in society is around 5 years apart. Of course this is later in adulthood and not in teenage.

LGs are hot. You should nail her before her face collapses.

LGs are hot. You should nail her before her face collapses.

*blink* Guh? Did you just... I mean damn, that came out of left field.

The more I read your posts, the more I'm convinced you post for one reason and one reason only: to justify to others (and yourself) your own desire to fuck children.

Trostia, why haven't you voted for me? (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=501269)
LGs are hot. You should nail her before her face collapses.

I don't know. 12 is a bit old, don't you think? ;)

Unlike the other posters in this thread, who made excuses or accepted the excuses that one day your age diffeences will become irrelevant, your age differences TODAY are NOT irrelevant.

You have come of age, she has not. YOU need to mind your own damn affairs until she comes of age. IF she is still interested in you in two years, then by all means, knock yourself out. Until then, if you touch her, your should be charged with statutory rape. YOU are too old for her today. Two years from now, that will be different. But that fact does NOT change the fact that she is currently a minor and you are not...

You are the adult, YOU are the one that needs to be held accountable. YOU have to act like an adult and tell her you both have to wait.

Jeez, read up on international law, would you? Age of consent in the UK is 16, what they're doing is perfectly legal.
And knowing both of them a bit from this forum, I think they're great for each other.

Trostia, why haven't you voted for me? (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=501269)


I don't think of you as a "(lovingly) demented" person.
I'm pretty sure I don't need to tell you how I do think of you again.

So then I'll wait untill I'm 24?
At the moment she's only a little kid, not even become a teenager yet.

Well, truth be told, you only a little kid to me. So meh. 2 year difference is not that bad. However, at you age, I doubt that any relationship, with anybody, would be much more than "puppy love", so to speak. Of course, it's been quite a few years since I was that young, and things have changed as I've noticed.

Basically what he is saying is that 2 years of difference is nothing. You don't have to wait till your 24.

That, and I really don't know how to give this kind of advice to such an age group. I'm good with more mature types of relationships(however that's not saying that you aren't, just the general types of relationships in older age groups than in younger age groups).

I don't know. 12 is a bit old, don't you think? ;)

The only 12 year old I've ever thought was hot (at least since I was 13...) only was hot cuz she had been (physically) an adult for at least a year...

That's pretty gnar. As in haggard. As in eww.

I don't think of you as a "(lovingly) demented" person.
I'm pretty sure I don't need to tell you how I do think of you again.
My mistake. I read the poll, and neglected to notice the parenthasised part in the OP.
The only 12 year old I've ever thought was hot (at least since I was 13...) only was hot cuz she had been (physically) an adult for at least a year...

That's pretty gnar. As in haggard. As in eww.

I tend to agree that 12 year olds aren't hot, but for the oposite reason. They're generally too developed for my tastes.

The only 12 year old I've ever thought was hot (at least since I was 13...) only was hot cuz she had been (physically) an adult for at least a year...

That's pretty gnar. As in haggard. As in eww.

I've never thought a twelve year old was hot. Now, when I was 11 I had a crush on an 11 year old... and I had several very disturbing fantasy involving another girl when I was in kindergarten (Didn't fully understand sex mind you, but wanted it) but the point is, I've never been attracted to anyone more then two years younger then me at any given time. It'll be interesting to see if 18 year olds are still hot when I'm 30...

I tend to agree that 12 year olds aren't hot, but for the oposite reason. They're generally too developed for my tastes.

... just to clarify, I never fantasised about an adult when I was young, so don't get any ideas that my testomony justifies anything.

2 years of age difference? *giggle*

There are 18 years between my boyfriend and me :D

... just to clarify, I never fantasised about an adult when I was young, so don't get any ideas that my testomony justifies anything.

Do you think I need your justification?

Let me be clear here. The presence or absence of a sex drive in children is not the reason I avoid sexual contact with children. I avoid said contact because said children would be victumised by this society as an indirect result of the act.

Do you think I need your justification?

Let me be clear here. The presence or absence of a sex drive in children is not the reason I avoid sexual contact with children. I avoid said contact because said children would be victumised by this society as an indirect result of the act.

Well, it is also physically harmful(the parts aren't fully developed yet), and the act itself can be very emotionally damaging(that which is not caused by society).

Do you think I need your justification?

Let me be clear here. The presence or absence of a sex drive in children is not the reason I avoid sexual contact with children. I avoid said contact because said children would be victumised by this society as an indirect result of the act.

I missed the post where you said you avoided it, I'm a skimmer. Better safe then sorry.

2 years of age difference? *giggle*

There are 18 years between my boyfriend and me :D

Are you the elder?

Are you the elder?

One of them is a gold digger, for sure. :D

One of them is a gold digger, for sure. :D

Not necessarily. Both could be under 40.

Well, it is also physically harmful(the parts aren't fully developed yet),

Can you link me to the medical source you're getting this from? (Seriously, I've looked and haven't found a single medical study on the matter.)

Incidentally, not all sexual activities involve a penis penetrating a vagina or somesuch. There are plenty of sexual activities which aren't remotely physically harmful.

and the act itself can be very emotionally damaging(that which is not caused by society).
How so? I know how society puts children through emotional torture for having been involved in sexual activity. The constant drum of "sex is evil" and if they're found out the intensive brainwashing (they call it counciling) where the child is "taught" to hate their "abuser". Then there's the tearing away of a person they care about and making the suffering of that person "all their fault" by throwing him in jail.

I know about all that, but take all that out of the equation, and what emotional damage results from consentual, mutually enjoyed sexual activities?
I missed the post where you said you avoided it, I'm a skimmer. Better safe then sorry.
It happens.

Not necessarily. Both could be under 40.

If you want to get technical, both could be under 20.

I'm 16. On my bus, there is a girl I like. She is 11, 12 this year. Were I not already dating someone, and liked many people my own age, I would probably do something about this fact. I just wouldent do anything all that... "Mature". Teabag, purple monky, blue. That is all.

I've never thought a twelve year old was hot. Now, when I was 11 I had a crush on an 11 year old... and I had several very disturbing fantasy involving another girl when I was in kindergarten (Didn't fully understand sex mind you, but wanted it) but the point is, I've never been attracted to anyone more then two years younger then me at any given time. It'll be interesting to see if 18 year olds are still hot when I'm 30...

It's my friend/ex-girlfriend's sister. I've never thought about her in a romantic or sexual way(being my ex's sister and all...), I just noticed "rawr, she's quite the looker". ;)

It's my friend/ex-girlfriend's sister. I've never thought about her in a romantic or sexual way(being my ex's sister and all...), I just noticed "rawr, she's quite the looker". ;)

Well that makes alot of sense, if you thought the older one was hot... :p

Dude, he's asking if it would be okay to date her, not if it's okay to bone her.

And I am saying that it’s NOT okay to date her.

Neither of them are adults, and, further, girls usually hit puberty earlier.

So, your arguement falls flat.

Neither of them are adults, but he thinks he is mature enough to date, so I am not going to treat him as an adolescent, because adolescents are children and children don’t (shouldn’t) date.

Jeez, read up on international law, would you? Age of consent in the UK is 16, what they're doing is perfectly legal.
And knowing both of them a bit from this forum, I think they're great for each other.

Legalities and legal technicalities was not the intention of my post. He is 14, and likely in High School or will be soon. She is likely in 7th grade and not going to be even a freshman in high school for another two years.

He wants to be treated like a young man, I’ll talk to him like a young man. A12 year old is NOT old enough to date a high schooler. Period. End of discussion. I don’t care if she thinks she’s old enough or if she thinks she’s mature for her age or even if she is physically developed already, she is NOT old enough and he should leave her alone until she is old enough.”

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, she's only 12 and I've only considered her a friend, we've known each others for a bit longer than a year and sometimes hang out, not to often.
But I'm 14 years old and yesterday i felt really attracted to her I had to force myself to look somewhere else. , I'm like 2 years and 2 months older than her.
I usually have trouble communicating and hanging out with people, but it's much easier with her than others, even though sometimes it's hard with her aswell.
What should I do?

Ask her out. :D

It's only a two year difference.

I'm 16. On my bus, there is a girl I like. She is 11, 12 this year. Were I not already dating someone, and liked many people my own age, I would probably do something about this fact. I just wouldent do anything all that... "Mature". Teabag, purple monky, blue. That is all.

You're fuckin' disgusting.

And I am saying that it’s NOT okay to date her.



Neither of them are adults, but he thinks he is mature enough to date, so I am not going to treat him as an adolescent, because adolescents are children and children don’t (shouldn’t) date.



Legalities and legal technicalities was not the intention of my post. He is 14, and likely in High School or will be soon. She is likely in 7th grade and not going to be even a freshman in high school for another two years.

He wants to be treated like a young man, I’ll talk to him like a young man. A12 year old is NOT old enough to date a high schooler. Period. End of discussion. I don’t care if she thinks she’s old enough or if she thinks she’s mature for her age or even if she is physically developed already, she is NOT old enough and he should leave her alone until she is old enough.”

I don't think you can really make a blanket statement about the maturity of all 12 year olds, everywhere, and expect anyone to take it at all seriously.

Oh, and there is no high school in Sweden. There is compulsory schooling for all 7-16 year olds, and as far as I can tell they all go to the one school.

Sorry man. By international law the youngest you can have is forteen too.

You take your own age, divide it by two, and add seven years. Works perfect.
e.g 18 year old can go as young as 16.

Im trying to get it written into the Constitution.

I don't think you can really make a blanket statement about the maturity of all 12 year olds, everywhere, and expect anyone to take it at all seriously.

Yes I can make a blanket statement about how 12 year olds should be treated, because the statement is not directed at any 12 year old specifically, it is directed at everyone else. Only a minor would think that a twelve year old is enough to date.

Sorry man. By international law the youngest you can have is forteen too.

You take your own age, divide it by two, and add seven years. Works perfect.
e.g 18 year old can go as young as 16.

Im trying to get it written into the Constitution.

But...but...that means the youngest I can hook up with is 24. :(

But...but...that means the youngest I can hook up with is 24. :(

....laws are made to be broken. feel free to fight the system

Yes I can make a blanket statement about how 12 year olds should be treated, because the statement is not directed at any 12 year old specifically, it is directed at everyone else. Only a minor would think that a twelve year old is enough to date.

And I don't know what kind of person would think that all 12 year olds everywhere have identical levels of maturity.

Legalities and legal technicalities was not the intention of my post. He is 14, and likely in High School or will be soon. She is likely in 7th grade and not going to be even a freshman in high school for another two years.

He wants to be treated like a young man, I’ll talk to him like a young man. A12 year old is NOT old enough to date a high schooler. Period. End of discussion. I don’t care if she thinks she’s old enough or if she thinks she’s mature for her age or even if she is physically developed already, she is NOT old enough and he should leave her alone until she is old enough.”

High school over here is for 11 to 16 year olds so they are both highschoolers. But I agree that he should leave her alone, she's at a very impressionable age and I imagine she could be easily led by an older boy into doing things she is way too young for.

....laws are made to be broken. feel free to fight the system

The lowest I'll go is 21. They've gotta be able to drink with me, y'know. ;)

Typical UCD behaviour. You D4's sicken me.


And to Cluichstan, sure they have to be able to drink, beauty of living in Europe is legal age is 16/18 depending on the country

And I don't know what kind of person would think that all 12 year olds everywhere have identical levels of maturity.

Doesn't matter. She's fuckin' 12.

Typical UCD behaviour. You D4's sicken me.
1:What does where I go to college have to do with you assuming all 12 year olds have identical levels of maturity?
2:If advocating common sense is typical UCD behaviour then I'm even more glad I'm going here.
3:Wow, you absolutely fail. I'm not even from Dublin, so Ifreann=/=a 'D4'.

Doesn't matter. She's fuckin' 12.

And? Come on, he's 14 and she's 12. All they're likely to do is kiss a bit and hold hands. It's not like they're going to be shagging like rabbits on viagra.

1:What does where I go to college have to do with you assuming all 12 year olds have identical levels of maturity?
2:If advocating common sense is typical UCD behaviour then I'm even more glad I'm going here.
3:Wow, you absolutely fail. I'm not even from Dublin, so Ifreann=/=a 'D4'.
............goddamn D4's. And ye dont have to be from Dublin to be a D4, its a state of mind. I lost my own brother to the curse that is UCD. Now he thinks like you lot. Disgusting.

And? Come on, he's 14 and she's 12. All they're likely to do is kiss a bit and hold hands. It's not like they're going to be shagging like rabbits on viagra.

You'd be surprised what kids do. Some of the conversations I overhear at my footie practices horrify me.

............goddamn D4's. And ye dont have to be from Dublin to be a D4, its a state of mind. I lost my own brother to the curse that is UCD. Now he thinks like you lot. Disgusting.

Well, yeah, I'll give you that, the D4 state of mind thing. But even if I was a D4, how is that stopping you from responding to my points and forcing you to flame me?

Well, yeah, I'll give you that, the D4 state of mind thing. But even if I was a D4, how is that stopping you from responding to my points and forcing you to flame me?

Its not.

Its not.

So you're just choosing to ignore anything I've said apart from the bit about me not being a D4?

So you're just choosing to ignore anything I've said apart from the bit about me not being a D4?

Glad we've cleared that up.

Go for it. Seriously. its never too young to enjoy love. Everybody has memories of romances in middle/highschool. Enjoy your time there, but keep away from things like sex, because its during that period of time where you all will have all the special memories of dating and hanging out together, instead of submitting to a tempoary pleasure, and screw up the relationship, and ultimately yourself.

You're fuckin' disgusting.

Incidentally, I agree with you.

Yes I can make a blanket statement about how 12 year olds should be treated, because the statement is not directed at any 12 year old specifically, it is directed at everyone else. Only a minor would think that a twelve year old is enough to date.

I'm not a minor and feel a 12 year old has the maturity to date (although, it's highly unlikely they have the maturity to date someone my age, then again, we're talking about a 12 and 14 year old, not a 12 and 21 year old.)

If they're friends and know each other well and relate as peers its safe to assume that dating between them is acceptable. Given how some girls and some boys are, she's possibly more mature then him and almost certainly as mature as him.

I'm not a minor and feel a 12 year old has the maturity to date (although, it's highly unlikely they have the maturity to date someone my age, then again, we're talking about a 12 and 14 year old, not a 12 and 21 year old.)

If you think a twelve year old is old enoug to date, then you either know little about child development, OR, you don't care about child development OR you are someone that thinks it's okay to marry children, like a fundementalist mormon or muslim...

If they're friends and know each other well and relate as peers its safe to assume that dating between them is acceptable. Given how some girls and some boys are, she's possibly more mature then him and almost certainly as mature as him.


They shouldn't be dating at all at that age, they should be playing with toys and doing homework.

I'd hardly even let a 12 year old mow the lawn without supervision, much less consider allowing them to go out on a date.

Undisputable balderdash is what you said in their defense, IMO.

If you think a twelve year old is old enoug to date, then you either know little about child development, OR, you don't care about child development OR you are someone that thinks it's okay to marry children, like a fundementalist mormon or muslim...




They shouldn't be dating at all at that age, they should be playing with toys and doing homework.

I'd hardly even let a 12 year old mow the lawn without supervision, much less consider allowing them to go out on a date.

Undisputable balderdash is what you said in their defense, IMO.
"Child development"? Most males are sexually mature by 14, and most females are sexually mature by around 12 or 13. The obvious conclusion is that they are quite capable of carrying on a romantic relationship without any severe emotional harm (I'm not talking about sex, just dating).

"Child development"? Most males are sexually mature by 14, and most females are sexually mature by around 12 or 13. The obvious conclusion is that they are quite capable of carrying on a romantic relationship without any severe emotional harm (I'm not talking about sex, just dating).

What part of 12 years old didn't you understand was still a part of child development?

Twelve year olds are still considered children, even as they mature into adulthood, they are NOT there yet....

http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.asp?r=776

http://www.montefiore.org/healthlibrary/adult/pediatrics/schoolage/

.pdf file warning
http://www.shumanconcepts.com/reports/stages_of_development.pdf#search='12%20year%20child%20development%20stages'

From schwablearning.org (which you cited):

12 year old females:
# menstruation is likely to start
# breasts fill out
# underarm and pubic hair thickens
# shows interest in the opposite sex (girls more than boys)

Those are generally the signs of sexual maturity.

From schwablearning.org (which you cited):

12 year old females:
# menstruation is likely to start
# breasts fill out
# underarm and pubic hair thickens
# shows interest in the opposite sex (girls more than boys)

Those are generally the signs of sexual maturity.

A child’s body maturing does not finish over night, it takes years. And a maturing body is no match for mental maturity. Leave a child alone until they are done maturing, simply because they have started does not indicate readiness.

Their bodies have BEGUN the physical transformation into adulthood, it will take years to finish. This does not make them ready to make adult decisions, which is a requirement for dating readiness.

Are you fooling yourself or simply in denial? Leave children alone, it takes more than a few body growth spurts and the first sign of pimples to make a person ready for dating...

A child’s body maturing does not finish over night, it takes years. And a maturing body is no match for mental maturity. Leave a child alone until they are done maturing, simply because they have started does not indicate readiness.

Their bodies have BEGUN the physical transformation into adulthood, it will take years to finish. This does not make them ready to make adult decisions, which is a requirement for dating readiness.

Are you fooling yourself or simply in denial? Leave children alone, it takes more than a few body growth spurts and the first sign of pimples to make a person ready for dating...
Pimples can also occur at around 12 years of age.

Remember that it is unlikely that 12 year olds will get involved in any really heavy relationships. If they want to pursue romantic relationships, then I see no reason not to let them (again, don't extrapolate what I'm saying to the issue of intercourse).

A child’s body maturing does not finish over night, it takes years. And a maturing body is no match for mental maturity. Leave a child alone until they are done maturing, simply because they have started does not indicate readiness.

Their bodies have BEGUN the physical transformation into adulthood, it will take years to finish. This does not make them ready to make adult decisions, which is a requirement for dating readiness.

Are you fooling yourself or simply in denial? Leave children alone, it takes more than a few body growth spurts and the first sign of pimples to make a person ready for dating...

So instead of allowing them to come to terms with the changes in their body, and to slowly discover new terrains, you advocate keeping them locked up until the physical development is complete? Why?
Eomtional development is not something that automatically happens, like the physical aspect. Emotional development is triggered by outside circumstances. If you take away that stimulus, no development will ever happen. In other words, if you keep teenagers isolated from each other and prevent any form of dating, you'll ent up with an adult that's physically fully developed, but with the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old.

People seem so intend on protecting children and teenagers from any form of pain that they tend to overlook the fact that emotional distress is necessary in small doses in order to be able to learn how to cope with it once it comes in large doses. A teenage crush, dating, and tears after a breakup are natural and vital steps in emotional development.

Pimples can also occur at around 12 years of age.

Remember that it is unlikely that 12 year olds will get involved in any really heavy relationships. If they want to pursue romantic relationships, then I see no reason not to let them (again, don't extrapolate what I'm saying to the issue of intercourse).

Unlikely that a 12 year old will get involved in any really heavy relationships? Then why are you wanting to let them date 14 year olds? When do you think sexual pressures are going to influence a person's behaviors? Is a fourteen year old boy going to feel more sexual urgency than a 12 year old girl?

You are lying to yourself if you think he is not feeling urgency... and you are lying to yourself if you think a 12 year old girl is ready to rebut such pressures from an older boy they think they are in love with. Children act out and pretend. 12 year olds are still children.

....A teenage crush, dating, and tears after a breakup are natural and vital steps in emotional development.


All of that (outside of the dating word) WILL occur in the normal events of an adolescents life during their days at school and in community with their peers. One on one dating does NOT need to occur during that period to make this maturing process more successful.

Dating is for mature people READY for a long term one on one relationship IF the two become a pair. And a twelve year old is ill equipped and unarmed even, for such events. Having just finished elementary school a year before and ONE year of middle school, and you people think it's okay to shuffle her off to 14 year old boys who are thinking about sex and fast cars.... :rolleyes:

Unlikely that a 12 year old will get involved in any really heavy relationships? Then why are you wanting to let them date 14 year olds? When do you think sexual pressures are going to influence a person's behaviors? Is a fourteen year old boy going to feel more sexual urgency than a 12 year old girl?

You are lying to yourself if you think he is not feeling urgency... and you are lying to yourself if you think a 12 year old girl is ready to rebut such pressures from an older boy they think they are in love with. Children act out and pretend. 12 year olds are still children.

Boys *ALWAYS* feel more "sexual urgency" than girls. And if she is mature, as is stipulated by the OP, she is probably quite capable of it.

My point is that a 14 year old boy and a 12 year old girl are in comparable stages of puberty.

Boys *ALWAYS* feel more "sexual urgency" than girls. And if she is mature, as is stipulated by the OP, she is probably quite capable of it.

My point is that a 14 year old boy and a 12 year old girl are in comparable stages of puberty.


And NEITHER is really ready for dating at all... comparable stages of NOT being ready for dating.

All of that (outside of the dating word) WILL occur in the normal events of an adolescents life during their days at school and in community with their peers. One on one dating does NOT need to occur during that period to make this maturing process more successful.

Dating is for mature people READY for a long term one on one relationship IF the two become a pair. And a twelve year old is ill equipped and unarmed even, for such events. Having just finished elementary school a year before and ONE year of middle school, and you people think it's okay to shuffle her off to 14 year old boys who are thinking about sex and fast cars.... :rolleyes:
Enter the stereotypes!

All of that (outside of the dating word) WILL occur in the normal events of an adolescents life during their days at school and in community with their peers. One on one dating does NOT need to occur during that period to make this maturing process more successful.

Dating is for mature people READY for a long term one on one relationship IF the two become a pair. And a twelve year old is ill equipped and unarmed even, for such events. Having just finished elementary school a year before and ONE year of middle school, and you people think it's okay to shuffle her off to 14 year old boys who are thinking about sex and fast cars.... :rolleyes:

Just what on earth do you think dating is? The equivalent to a long-term comittment? Constantly fucking each others brains out???

Dating is nothing of the sort. It's going out together, having fun together, and possibly some kissing and petting. What on earth is wrong with that? I've known people who started dating in elementary school, and guess what, their lives weren't destroyed by that. It's gathering experiences, nothing else.

And a 12 year old who is not able to say "no" when things go to far or she feels uncomfortable will have to learn that as fast as possible.

Enter the stereotypes!

Stages of child development are not stereotypes.

Stages of child development are not stereotypes.

Neither are they anywhere near as fixed on age as you seem to think.

Stages of child development are not stereotypes.

I was talking about the "thinking about sex and fast cars" thing. That perpetrates a stereotype which is, in all probability, untrue of Fishcakia.

...
And a 12 year old who is not able to say "no" when things go to far or she feels uncomfortable will have to learn that as fast as possible.

Yup, the strong will survive and the weak will suffer, but our stock of strong will be increased. Just drop her off at main street and 1st Avenue, if she survives, she's a keeper.
Nonsense. Just because SOME children survive ordeals that they shouldn't have been exposed to does NOT mean that all children should be exposed to those events.

You are wrong. I suspect that you are still too young to understand why though, perhaps you are too close to it still yourself.

I do NOT mean that as an insult. Age is age, development is development.

It could be argued that 18 year olds are not ready to vote or join the military yet, it could be argued that 21 years old is not old enough to make unregulated decisions about how much alcohol they can consume. But the youth will ALWAYS disagree, it's in their nature.

Neither are they anywhere near as fixed on age as you seem to think.

Not just me, but the pediatricians as well.

Yup, the strong will survive and the weak will suffer, but our stock of strong will be increased. Just drop her off at main street and 1st Avenue, if she survives, she's a keeper.
Nonsense. Just because SOME children survive ordeals that they shouldn't have been exposed to does NOT mean that all children should be exposed to those events.

DATING an ordeal? :eek:
Oh dear, your experiences must have been really, really bad.


You are wrong. I suspect that you are still too young to understand why though, perhaps you are too close to it still yourself.

I do NOT mean that as an insult. Age is age, development is development.

It could be argued that 18 year olds are not ready to vote or join the military yet, it could be argued that 21 years old is not old enough to make unregulated decisions about how much alcohol they can consume. But the youth will ALWAYS disagree, it's in their nature.

Honey, I'm 32 years old. I'm nowhere near that age any more. And I've been working with children and teenagers in youth groups ever since I was 16 myself. Different children develop differently. When I was 12 myself, I wasn't ready for dating, but I met 10 year olds who were. There is no one age at which you're miraculously ready, it depends on the experiences you made so far and on the way you yourself feel about yourself.

I fear you fell for the stereotype of the nice, innocent little girl who has tea parties with her stuffed animals and the reckless, inconsiderate, hormone-driven teenage boy who will do anything to get laid. Neither of those seem to be accurate for this situation.

DATING an ordeal? :eek:
Oh dear, your experiences must have been really, really bad.

Honey, I'm 32 years old. I'm nowhere near that age any more. And I've been working with children and teenagers in youth groups ever since I was 16 myself. Different children develop differently. When I was 12 myself, I wasn't ready for dating, but I met 10 year olds who were. There is no one age at which you're miraculously ready, it depends on the experiences you made so far and on the way you yourself feel about yourself.

I fear you fell for the stereotype of the nice, innocent little girl who has tea parties with her stuffed animals and the reckless, inconsiderate, hormone-driven teenage boy who will do anything to get laid. Neither of those seem to be accurate for this situation.
Good point, Cabra. :)

(the other points were good too. That one just stood out at me)

On my first date...we went to the local roller-skating arena, held hands while skating, then shared a hot chocolate....with two straws...

After that...we got picked up by our parents.

How very sinful!

Oh the shame!

I feel so sorry for the poor little girl who I seduced with roller skating and hot chocolate...

we were 12.

On my first date...we went to the local roller-skating arena, held hands while skating, then shared a hot chocolate....with two straws...

After that...we got picked up by our parents.

How very sinful!

Oh the shame!

I feel so sorry for the poor little girl who I seduced with roller skating and hot chocolate...

we were 12.
*cue ominous music*

Little did that girl know, she was now in the clutches of an insane, sex-hungry, power-crazed, 12 year old boy who likes to think about fast cars!!!

Just what on earth do you think dating is? The equivalent to a long-term comittment? Constantly fucking each others brains out???



You make those sound like bad things;) :p

You make those sound like bad things;) :p

For a 12 year old? I'd have my doubts. :p
For everybody else... knock yourself out. :D

*cue ominous music*

Little did that girl know, she was now in the clutches of an insane, sex-hungry, power-crazed, 12 year old boy who likes to think about fast cars!!!

Of course!

Who do you think bought the hot-chocolate?

Thing is, back then, I thought about sex all the time. (what male 12 year old doesnt?)
However, I had no idea of how to go about it, and even if I had..I liked this girl, and wouldnt have wanted to scare her off.

Of course!

Who do you think bought the hot-chocolate?

Thing is, back then, I thought about sex all the time. (what male 12 year old doesnt?)
However, I had no idea of how to go about it, and even if I had..I liked this girl, and wouldnt have wanted to scare her off.
Kiddyfiddler! - bet you spiked it with rophynol :P

The whole thing looks moderately innocent really - the OP does not sound like he's planning on boning her and they are not tooo far out of each others age ranges - but it does depend on the people involved. Really - a date for these kids will most likely be a trip to the movies on satuerday afternoon or an ice rink.

All this said - i think a 14year old is a lot more developed than a 12 year old (bear in mind - we dont' know their exact ages - she could have been 11 only a month ago, or she could be turning 13 soon - verrrry different scenarios when comparing with a boy who might have just turned 14 or who could be almost 15. Worst case you have a girl who was recently 11 dating a guy who is almost 15 - which i think is a bit off. But if shes about to turn 13 and he's just turned 14 then it is not bad at all.

Personally if I had a 12 year old daughter and a 14 year old kid turned up to take her to the movies i'd probably be "WTF? go find someone your own age" Those are two verrry big years in terms of development - physically, emotionally and socially. You have to question why a 14 year old is not looking to girls in his own peer group.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the kid having a crush on this girl, but i think the age difference might be a bit too much AT THIS STAGE depending on when their birthdays are.

*cue ominous music*

Little did that girl know, she was now in the clutches of an insane, sex-hungry, power-crazed, 12 year old boy who likes to think about fast cars!!!

Now I'm picturing a 12 year old guy laughing maniaclally while he drives a really fast car around with an unconscious girl tied up in the passenger seat. Lol.

Now I'm picturing a 12 year old guy laughing maniaclally while he drives a really fast bumper car around with an unconscious girl tied up in the passenger seat. Lol.

Improved scenario :D

Improved scenario :D

:D That's brilliant. Now I wish I was young again. Well, I still am young, but younger, so I could go around drugging girls and putting them in bumper cars.

Not necessarily. Both could be under 40.

Yes. Kinda. My bf just turned 40, I just turned 22. And there's no golddigging involved. I am a Masters student in Biology, and he's in the automotive industry. Both good as broke. We met online, we fell in love, and we've been together for over a year. It's going very well so far, even though there's an entire ocean in between us. :(

So excuse me if I'm smiling at a whole 2 year age difference ;-)

Who'll beat me in the "most unlikely ever" category? :D

Yes. Kinda. My bf just turned 40, I just turned 22. And there's no golddigging involved. I am a Masters student in Biology, and he's in the automotive industry. Both good as broke. We met online, we fell in love, and we've been together for over a year. It's going very well so far, even though there's an entire ocean in between us. :(

So excuse me if I'm smiling at a whole 2 year age difference ;-)

Who'll beat me in the "most unlikely ever" category? :D

"Most unlikely?" I am 38, My wife is 25 (13 year difference). We've been married just over a year now. We not only met online, but in fact, met right here on NSG.

13 years vs 18 years. He's in the US, I'm in the Netherlands. Culture difference, career difference, age difference, etc etc. I guess we don't do things the easy way. :D

It's great though that you are doing well, how far did you live apart?

I'm 15 and, of course, in high school. I don't see anything at all wrong with a 14 year old dating a 12 year old, but I understand how anyone might feel oddly about it. There's a girl in my biology class that moved here from another school, and I don't know much about her. So I was talking to one of my friends, and she came up, and I was like "She's sort of hot..." and he was like "She's 13" and my reaction, without thinking, was simply "holy shit."

well that seems normal i can relate. there is nothing rong with it (just don't let it become a habbit) keep it to your self for a while and if you still like her in like 2-5 years then you can take it to the next level