NationStates Jolt Archive

Here's the deal. I'm currently involved with a man 30 years my senior. I'm 36, and he's 66. And things are getting pretty serious. We're talking about making it permanent.

For a lot of people, a significant age difference brings up a big ick factor. It used to be that interracial couples grossed out much of society. Now that most people have finally gotten over that, they've replaced it in their ickometer with intergenerational couples. So I thought I'd get a reading of where NSG stands on the idea of intergenerational love. Have you done it? Is it something you'd consider? Would you get involved with someone older than you? Younger? Does it bother you when you see mixed age couples in public? Why?

Poll to follow.

I don’t care what others do with their love lives. If I knew you personally, I’d probably crack a joke every now and then, but I don’t.
As for myslef, couldn't say.

I'm tempted to vote for "Yes, younger", but since I'm 17 that would turn this into another pedo-threado, and we don't need any more of those.

Yes, I admit I find it weird to be dating someone really far out of your age. But I figure it's not really my judgment to make, and if you love each other, then hell, go for it!

I might consider a relationship with a guy slightly older or younger than me (by slightly, I mean one to three years, depending on if we're talking older or younger). I've liked guy's as old as twenty, and I almost got a bit of a crush on one two years younger than me, but I snapped out of it. I was like, "If I dated this guy, how could I take him to prom?" It also helps that I haven't seen him at all since the day I almost started to like him (he picked a convienent time for a vacation). I'm worried to see him this week (as I think I might), because I know I'll blush. I just need an excuse for turning beet red...

If both of you are adults and in love, whom am I to say otherwise?

And my wife is 8 years older than me, so I can kinda understand your situation.

Thirty years might be a little too extreme for me. A woman that many years my senior would be 75... I don't recall ever being attracted to someone that old. A girl that many years my junior would still be a minor.

The biggest age difference in any relationship I've ever been in is 6 years, for both older and younger partners. I wouldn't even blink at a ten year difference in most cases, over that I guess depends on the individuals. I might consider a twenty year difference for a younger partner, but frankly I don't see too many potential partners twenty years my senior.

I'd have to be able to get in a relationship before I'd have to worry about that:(

I'd have to be able to get in a relationship before I'd have to worry about that:(

Me too. But I still worry about having crushes that are creepy.

Yes, I admit I find it weird to be dating someone really far out of your age. But I figure it's not really my judgment to make, and if you love each other, then hell, go for it!

Had you asked me a year ago, I wouldn't have imagined I'd be involved with someone of that age either. I often date older guys, but generally only 10-15 years older. But after meeting him, everything just clicked. Intellectually, emotionally, and physically (he's in better physical shape than most guys in their 20's :D ). Never has being in a relationship been so easy.

I'm happy with my choice. What others thinks really isn't a factor. I'm just curious what they think and why. Though I do expect plenty of "grave robbing" jokes from my friends. :p

I have been in a relationship with both +10 and -10 year difference. They worked out fine; the differences in outlook provided nice conversation topics and there were still more than enough similarities.
Not sure if the same would be true for 30 years - but you seem to think it works :)

I'd try not to judge others for it, but I don't think an adult should be dating someone underage. The older the adult, the more 'wrong' it seems to me. Any gap between two adults, however, is fine if both partners are ok with it.

Personally and at my age (19), I'm more flexible with older people than younger. I wouldn't date someone much younger than me, but my rule of thumb for older people is that the absolute limit is around my parent's age. :p
The biggest age gap I've had was about 8 years. He was older.

My friend is married to a woman 18 years his senior, he's 22.

Not my thing, and in some cases not a wise move, but nothing wrong with it.

i know people that worry about a 3 year difference. which is nothing compared to this.

what ever works for you i guess. just dont be suprised if you end up having to change your husbands diapers.

30 years, and i'm worrying about a person being twelve while i'm 14, 2 years and 2 months older.

But it's different for adults, ofcourse.

i know people that worry about a 3 year difference. which is nothing compared to this.

what ever works for you i guess. just dont be suprised if you end up having to change your husbands diapers.Yeah - it just seems to stretch as you get older. In highschool 3 years woulld have been extreme ick, thogh now it's nothing. My ex was (is) 10 years older than me, which caused some second guessing, and a bit of friction, but it neither made nor broke the relationship. 33 years sounds pretty extreme to me, but hey that's what I would have said about ten before I had that experience.

i know people that worry about a 3 year difference. which is nothing compared to this.

what ever works for you i guess. just dont be suprised if you end up having to change your husbands diapers.

:D
lol.

I have been in a relationship with both +10 and -10 year difference. They worked out fine; the differences in outlook provided nice conversation topics and there were still more than enough similarities.

Indeed. We have much more in common than not, from music to values to religion (or lack there of actually). The only thing we really diverge on is politics. But then you have to have some separate interests to retain your individuality within a relationship. ;)

... but I don't think an adult should be dating someone underage.

QFT

just dont be suprised if you end up having to change your husbands diapers.

Men in his family tend to live long, healthy, productive lives. His grandfather died at age 97 when he was thrown off of his horse while surveying his ranch. But should it come to that, he has more than enough money to hire someone for that task. :p

QFT



Sorry, what's that mean? :confused:

Sorry, what's that mean? :confused:

Quoted For Truth.
:D

Well, I personally never dated anyone significantly older (that'd just be sleazy since i'm not even 20 yet).

But I actually have thought about intergenerational couples a good bit. (Someone I know had a midlife crisis and dated a girl 21 years his junior.) The conclusion I came to is that people should date someone who is at a similar stage in life. That is, highschoolers should generally date other highschoolers, college students should date college students, etc. (These are not like set in stone, seniors in highschool dating freshmen in college for example is okay).

So as long as you two are both in similar stages (neither want to start a family, or both want to start a family, for example), then i think its totally fine. I only think it gets problematic in the situation like the one I faced, where the guy had already had a (rather large) family, and was seriously considering retiring, and the girl was only just entering nursing school, wanted to start her own family, and had an emotional maturity level that was younger than many of the kids at my highschool.

So, short answer, yes, given the right circumstances, intergenerational couples are fine....age ain't nothin' but a number ;) :fluffle:

PS. In the time I wrote this, and then Jolt decided to not let me post, I saw some comments were made, including:

But should it come to that, he has more than enough money to hire someone for that task. :p
Seems to me money never hurt an intergenerational relationship! ;) :p :fluffle:

Best of luck!

Quoted For Truth.
:D

Oh, excellent, thanks. :D

I've done it a few times. I'm 22 and I've dated anywhere from 30, to 44.

So as long as you two are both in similar stages (neither want to start a family, or both want to start a family, for example), then i think its totally fine. I only think it gets problematic in the situation like the one I faced, where the guy had already had a (rather large) family, and was seriously considering retiring, and the girl was only just entering nursing school, wanted to start her own family, and had an emotional maturity level that was younger than many of the kids at my highschool.

We are at similar places in our lives despite the age difference. Neither wants kids. And since we're both men, there will be no little accidents. :p He's self employed (farmer) and considering retirement. I'm basically in very early retirement due to disability. So we've decided to fall apart together. ;)


Seems to me money never hurt an intergenerational relationship! ;) :p :fluffle:

No, it doesn't hurt. But it doesn't really help either. I've turned down younger men with more money before. Money isn't a big motivator for me.

Best of luck!

Thanks. :fluffle:

I am 20 years of age and in a relationship with a woman 13 years my senior, happier and more fulfilled than I have ever been in my life. Worth mentioning, she has a 12 year old daughter.

We are at similar places in our lives despite the age difference. Neither wants kids. And since we're both men, there will be no little accidents. :p He's self employed (farmer) and considering retirement. I'm basically in very early retirement due to disability. So we've decided to fall apart together. ;)

No, it doesn't hurt. But it doesn't really help either. I've turned down younger men with more money before. Money isn't a big motivator for me.
That's 'cause you're not a woman:D

At the start of this thread, I thought you were a woman! It's always confusing online when you suddenly realize that someone is a different gender than you'd previously assumed.

Probably not.

I can't see myself with an older woman, because there would no chance of having children (I'm 34).

I can't see myself with a significantly younger woman either, because I don't really have anything in common with 18 year old girls.

Age is just a number. I hope when I'm an older man, the college girls will still let me metaphorically rob from the metaphorical cradle.

We are at similar places in our lives despite the age difference. Neither wants kids. And since we're both men, there will be no little accidents. :p He's self employed (farmer) and considering retirement. I'm basically in very early retirement due to disability. So we've decided to fall apart together. ;) Aww! Thats adorable! I hope I find someone to fall apart with by the time I start losing it! ;)


No, it doesn't hurt. But it doesn't really help either. I've turned down younger men with more money before. Money isn't a big motivator for me.hehe, i'm just teasin'. *note to self: find RICH man to fall apart with* ;)

lemme stop tho :p


Thanks. :fluffle:
Of course!! :fluffle:

That's 'cause you're not a woman:D
HEY!!!!! *stomps foot indignantly*

That is certainly NOT true! Women don't......
*trails off*
*looks at note to self above*
Right. Well then. Lovely weather we've been having, eh?

At the start of this thread, I thought you were a woman! It's always confusing online when you suddenly realize that someone is a different gender than you'd previously assumed.
me too!

If youve found love good on you and enjoy it!

If it works out that you have found your mate for life one big potential emotional problem can happen due to the difference in your life expectancies. All else being equal the odds are that you will outlive him by some 30 years after maybe 25 years together. You'll be 60, grieving and alone. Maybe you'll find another then, maybe not. Something to consider anyway.

I once made out with a woman in her early 30s but then sobered up and said "Jesus christ, how old are you?"

I'd have to be able to get in a relationship before I'd have to worry about that:(

I feel your pain, man. Besides, intergenerational is weird. I've been conditioned that way

my husband is 7 years older than me, and we get a lot of crap about it, his friends that are his age say that I was "jail bait" even though I was 18 when we met, and they tend to talk down to me because of my age, pretty much he jumps in to defend me when he senses that it bothers me, but there are times he joins in and jokes, I don't find it funny.

What I do find funny are my friends who think he is "old", but they are nice enough not to say anything to him about it.

My mom is always questioning me as to my motives for dating/marrying him, she thinks I was looking for a "father figure" to which I respond "If I was it's really your fault isn't it?" but yeah, I really just found a guy who had all the stuff I was looking for.

I don't really see a problem with age gaps after a certain age, I think the span widens as people get older, for example an 18 year old with a 14 year old is a problem for me, but a 24 year old with a 20 year old is a non-issue, and I don't know why other than the perception that the 20 year old can probably take care of themselves and the 14 year old is possibly being taken advantage of.

As far as the relationship being "uneven" I get a lot of comments about that "what could you have in common with him?" well, apparenlty enough since we got married and are still happy about it years down the road.

My boyfriend/fiance is five years my senior. We're both Generation Y, but, I'm part of the subset generation, the Boomerang Generation and he's MTV Generation...