Jesus good at sex
Soviestan
25-09-2006, 21:37
Did Jesus have sex, and if he did do you think he was any good at. Like did he last awhile and was big enough or do you think he was boring? Any thoughts
Nihonou-san
25-09-2006, 21:42
He was probably pretty bad at it. After all, he started Christianity, which says you shouldn't have sex. He probably figured, if he, the son of God, couldn't get some, then nobody could. Then again, I'm only 13, and I've never had it. Though I'd like to... (perverted grin)
He did water to wine, imagine what he could do with sex. Plus hey, I'll bet the son of god was hung!
Free shepmagans
25-09-2006, 21:45
Did Jesus have sex, and if he did do you think he was any good at. Like did he last awhile and was big enough or do you think he was boring? Any thoughts
The bible says he was tempted in all the ways of man... and it never says he wasn't married, so he probably got some. I'd wager he was really good at it, after all his Dad made the mechanism, if ANYONE could make a girl scream, I think it'd be him.
He was probably pretty bad at it. After all, he started Christianity, which says you shouldn't have sex. He probably figured, if he, the son of God, couldn't get some, then nobody could. Then again, I'm only 13, and I've never had it. Though I'd like to... (perverted grin)
Ignoring your post, where'd you get that 98% number in your sig?
Glitziness
25-09-2006, 21:45
I know that my Jesus (http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/2400099730091190132nZJOtw) rocks..... ;) :D :p :fluffle:
The blessed Chris
25-09-2006, 21:47
Of course he did, and he was blatently a giver.
If one accepts the trinity (that Jesus is God), then one must also accept that Jesus was infinitely good at sex.
Dinaverg
25-09-2006, 21:49
I'm visualising a Jesus dildo, someone provide a pic.
I'm visualising a Jesus dildo, someone provide a pic.
http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php
Grave_n_idle
25-09-2006, 21:57
Did Jesus have sex, and if he did do you think he was any good at. Like did he last awhile and was big enough or do you think he was boring? Any thoughts
Jewish guy, in his thirties? If he wasn't married, THAT would have been a miracle worth a chapter on it's own. Fairly safe to assume he was knocking boots, probably with that bit of fluff from Magdala... although he and Judas were once seen kissing...
He preached love, and he preached selflessness. He teached that others should always come first.
I think that probably answers the question...
Yakdonville
25-09-2006, 22:07
Funny, just the other day my freind was telling me about this cult of women who masturbate to Jesus instead of praying/going to church/etc.
But me personally: Sure if he can turn water into wine he can get a few chicks drunk :rolleyes:
I guess the whole son of god thing works too.
Soviestan
25-09-2006, 22:07
http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php
that wrong on so many levels.......
I love it:D
The Mindset
25-09-2006, 22:08
Ignoring your post, where'd you get that 98% number in your sig?
It's a load of shit propagated by some anti-Marijuana website. I forget which one. (Which amuses me, because if 98% of people have tried pot, then it can't be that bad, no?)
Nihonou-san
25-09-2006, 22:13
Ignoring your post, where'd you get that 98% number in your sig?
I got it from the sig of another guy in a different forum. And the number accounts for those who will try drugs, as well.
Free shepmagans
25-09-2006, 22:14
It's a load of shit propagated by some anti-Marijuana website. I forget which one. (Which amuses me, because if 98% of people have tried pot, then it can't be that bad, no?)
The masses are corrupted dammit
Kryozerkia
25-09-2006, 22:19
It's a load of shit propagated by some anti-Marijuana website. I forget which one. (Which amuses me, because if 98% of people have tried pot, then it can't be that bad, no?)
True because the world would be filled with hippies to boot.
Jello Biafra
25-09-2006, 22:24
Well, Jesus came once, and it's been almost 2,000 years since then. Can you imagine being with a guy who could last 2,000 years before he comes?
/snipYou have more than 8 lines in your signature, you might want to do something about that, or the mods will.
Free shepmagans
25-09-2006, 22:30
Well, Jesus came once, and it's been almost 2,000 years since then. Can you imagine being with a guy who could last 2,000 years before he comes?
I'm totally sigging that.
He was probably pretty bad at it. After all, he started Christianity, which says you shouldn't have sex. He probably figured, if he, the son of God, couldn't get some, then nobody could. Then again, I'm only 13, and I've never had it. Though I'd like to... (perverted grin)
You wouldn't happen to be a girl, would you?
Just kidding :D
...sort of... :p
Jello Biafra
25-09-2006, 22:32
I'm totally sigging that.Woohoo! Now I can cross 'Be sigged by 3 NSers' off of my NS to do list.
Sure he was. I mean donkeys are hung like jesus :eek:
German Nightmare
25-09-2006, 22:39
Jesus and Mary Magdalene are at it:
*Grunt*
*Moan*
"Oh yes, yes!"
*Grunt*
*Moan*
"I'm coming, oh God, I'm coming!"
-earie silence-
"Oh, for the love of... Could you please leave my dad out of this, at least once, Mary?"
:D:D:D
Free shepmagans
25-09-2006, 22:42
Jesus and Mary Magdalene are at it:
*Grunt*
*Moan*
"Oh yes, yes!"
*Grunt*
*Moan*
"I'm coming, oh God, I'm coming!"
-earie silence-
"Oh, for the love of... Could you please leave my dad out of this, at least once, Mary?"
:D:D:D
You win the entire forum. Period.
German Nightmare
25-09-2006, 23:13
You win the entire forum. Period.
Thank you.
Please accept this gift in the spirit in which it is given:
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/Pergament.jpg
(You'd actually deserve a golden edition of it!)
Dempublicents1
25-09-2006, 23:50
Did Jesus have sex, and if he did do you think he was any good at. Like did he last awhile and was big enough or do you think he was boring? Any thoughts
I have no reason to believe he didn't. And I'd guess he was pretty good at it.
He was probably pretty bad at it. After all, he started Christianity, which says you shouldn't have sex.
It does?
Dempublicents1
25-09-2006, 23:52
Jesus and Mary Magdalene are at it:
*Grunt*
*Moan*
"Oh yes, yes!"
*Grunt*
*Moan*
"I'm coming, oh God, I'm coming!"
-earie silence-
"Oh, for the love of... Could you please leave my dad out of this, at least once, Mary?"
:D:D:D
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I like it. =)
Reminds me of a slightly less funny joke, but great nonetheless:
A mob is about to stone a woman who has been cheating on her husband. Jesus stops them, and says, "Let the person who is without sin cast the first stone." People in the mob begin to put down their stones and turn away. But then, from way in the back, a stone flies and hits the woman. The mob returns and stones her to death. Afterwards, the woman who cast the first stone walks up to Jesus. He looks at her, shakes his head, and says, "You know mom, sometimes you can be a real bitch."
Wilgrove
25-09-2006, 23:58
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I like it. =)
Reminds me of a slightly less funny joke, but great nonetheless:
A mob is about to stone a woman who has been cheating on her husband. Jesus stops them, and says, "Let the person who is without sin cast the first stone." People in the mob begin to put down their stones and turn away. But then, from way in the back, a stone flies and hits the woman. The mob returns and stones her to death. Afterwards, the woman who cast the first stone walks up to Jesus. He looks at her, shakes his head, and says, "You know mom, sometimes you can be a real bitch."
ROFL! However, I doubt Mary was without sin.
Lunatic Goofballs
26-09-2006, 00:09
That's how he got his name.
Even when he was a baby, people would look at the size of it and go, "Jesus Christ!" :eek:
The name stuck. :)
German Nightmare
26-09-2006, 00:14
Reminds me of a slightly less funny joke, but great nonetheless
Good one! http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/BiggestGrin.gif
Dempublicents1
26-09-2006, 00:23
ROFL! However, I doubt Mary was without sin.
You must not be Catholic. =)
CanuckHeaven
26-09-2006, 00:47
Did Jesus have sex, and if he did do you think he was any good at. Like did he last awhile and was big enough or do you think he was boring? Any thoughts
One would wonder about your curiosity?
Darknovae
26-09-2006, 00:50
Just to add to the slightly disturbing humor of this thread, I was just reminded of some bulletin that was shown at my old church:
"Ladies- Seek A Relationship With Christ"
"Everyone Should Love Christ"
:eek: So this is what they meant all along!!!! :eek:
ROFL! However, I doubt Mary was without sin.
Mary was only a Virgin if you don't count anal...
Soviestan
08-10-2006, 03:24
One would wonder about your curiosity?
I was just wondering since someone claiming to be the saviour should at least be good in bed, no?
Wanderjar
08-10-2006, 03:24
Did Jesus have sex, and if he did do you think he was any good at. Like did he last awhile and was big enough or do you think he was boring? Any thoughts
.........wow. I've posted some random threads before, but this one wins the Wanderjarian Wierd Thread of the Day contest, hands down.
I'm going to work on an actual award for that...
That's how he got his name.
Even when he was a baby, people would look at the size of it and go, "Jesus Christ!" :eek:
The name stuck. :)
Hah.
Every woman I've ever met that's gone out with a Jesus said that he was fantastic at sex. =/
Demented Hamsters
08-10-2006, 05:33
http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php
"I've got Jesus in my ass!"
Back to the topic:
Jesus may have been good in the sack, but only in terms of quality, not quantity.
Once spent, he'd need 3 days to 'rise' again.