NationStates Jolt Archive

On Saturday night I had the good fortune to watch Uwe Boll box. The Raging Boll fought four internet film critics in succession, beating each of them handily. All together, he recorded 4 knockouts in 6 rounds of boxing.

He's a fun little German.

Ah, that nut. If only he'd put that much energy into making something watchable. Or, preferably, just go back to boxing as a career...

I don't care if he ate Stephen Spielberg's liver on live television, Uwe Boll is the WORST director in the history of the movies period!

Besides this is the man that pretty much killed Bloodrayne for me.

Uwe Boll is a genius, and deserves every dime he's made. He's one of the coolest people out there today, and his approach to film making is one of the most interesting and innovative.

Plus, it is about time someone made these whiney idiots' faces bleed.

Uwe Boll is a genius, and deserves every dime he's made. He's one of the coolest people out there today, and his approach to film making is one of the most interesting and innovative.

Damm does your taste in movies suck. It's painful.

Damm does your taste in movies suck. It's painful.

His movies aren't any good, but he doesn't intend them to be. He has a PhD in literature.

For the ignorant among us:

In the DVD commentary of Alone in the Dark, Boll explains how he funds his films:

Dr Boll:
"Maybe you know it but it's not so easy to finance movies in total. And the reason I am able to do these kind of movies is I have a tax shelter fund in Germany, and if you invest in a movie in Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the Government."

Wikipedia:
Boll is able to acquire funding thanks to German tax laws that reward investments in film. The law allows investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allows them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor is then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor gets a tax writeoff.



Loss-leader cinema as tax shelter, it's a brilliant plan.

And FFS, if you want to watch a good movie, don't pick up something called "House of the Dead" or "BloodRayne." WTF do you expect?

Loss-leader cinema as tax shelter, it's a brilliant plan.
I . . . I just . . . can't, no words . . .
*is in awe*
There may yet be gods among mortals.

Loss-leader cinema as tax shelter, it's a brilliant plan.

So he found a way around the tax laws in order to get more money, do you want to know who else does that to great effect?

The Church of Scientology.

So he found a way around the tax laws in order to get more money, do you want to know who else does that to great effect?

The Church of Scientology.

Maybe you didnt get the gist of it.

The less money the movie makes, the more money he and his investors make.

Maybe you didnt get the gist of it.

The less money the movie makes, the more money he and his investors make.

Cool, but maybe you didn't get the parallel, the Church of Scientology chargest $20,000 (US Currency) to listen to a story about a Space Alien who became the source of all human suffering by attaching pieces of alien souls onto our "Thetans".

Do you want to know the funny part?

People actually PAY THEM to listen to the story, and that is just the tip of the iceberg of the lengths Scientology will go to get your money.

By the way the Church of Scientology is a mult-billion dollar business... I mean cult... I'm sorry I meant "religion" (please don't sue me!).

Maybe you didnt get the gist of it.

The less money the movie makes, the more money he and his investors make.

Through manipulation of public monies? Its just other citizens that are taking up the burden he creates. The man is genius but he's also scum who destroys otherwise good franchises and will probably lead to changes in the laws that will hurt other german producers. He sounds like a smug bastard.

To spell it out again:

Lets say you're Graf Otto von Dusenfielder, and you have a lot of money, and the reich wants 600,000 euro dollars in taxes.

You don't want to pay, you'd rather spend the money on some new lederhosen, a couple porsches, or some nubile new playthings from eastern europe.

What is our ubermeinsch to do?

Ah-ha! Invest in a german movie that won't make any money, even leverage the investment! Who cares? It's money in the bank to the tune of all the taxes you owe.

To spell it out again:

Lets say you're Graf Otto von Dusenfielder, and you have a lot of money, and the reich wants 600,000 euro dollars in taxes.

You don't want to pay, you'd rather spend the money on some new lederhosen, a couple porsches, or some nubile new playthings from eastern europe.

What is our ubermeinsch to do?

Ah-ha! Invest in a german movie that won't make any money, even leverage the investment! Who cares? It's money in the bank to the tune of all the taxes you owe.

I understand completely. It's just a rather despicable thing to do. Unless he's attempting some kind of civil statement, which I would like to hear if he is.

Through manipulation of public monies? Its just other citizens that are taking up the burden he creates. The man is genius but he's also scum who destroys otherwise good franchises and will probably lead to changes in the laws that will hurt other german producers. He sounds like a smug bastard.

"Bloodrayne" and "house of the dead." Real 'good franchises'...

They already changed the law, to make sure only germans could take advantage of it.

This is the INTENT of the law.

He IS a smug bastard, god bless him!

I understand completely. It's just a rather despicable thing to do. Unless he's attempting some kind of civil statement, which I would like to hear if he is.

Nothing despicable about it, it is a great idea.

If he were some jerkoff film school hack out to 'make a statement,' then it would be stupid.

Dr Boll takes the whining of the chittering, squirrely video-game internet class right to the bank.

Nothing despicable about it, it is a great idea.

If he were some jerkoff film school hack out to 'make a statement,' then it would be stupid.

Dr Boll takes the whining of the chittering, squirrely video-game internet class right to the bank.

What about him makes you like him? He chucks his tax burden and that of his investors by making crappy movies. How is this supposed to be any more respectable than other corporations putting all their money in overseas accounts to avoid tax burdens?

He refused to fight anyone who would have a reasonable chance to defeat him. He only allowed guys under 180 pounds, only allowed guys with no prior boxing experience (while he has prior boxing experience), refused to have them trained though he said he would, and legitimately attacked them in a fight he stated would be fake. He's a hack at making movies and he's a hack at publicity stunts, too. This only makes him look like a bigger dick.

What about him makes you like him? He chucks his tax burden and that of his investors by making crappy movies. How is this supposed to be any more respectable than other corporations putting all their money in overseas accounts to avoid tax burdens?

Because he's entertaining in the process. Also, the films are produced in Germany by Germans, with Germans doing the work to make them. This provides jobs to the German little guy.

He also complies with the letter and the spirit of the law, which was aimed at subsidizing the German film industry. Subsidizing always means paying for from the public treasury. In this case, those funds are distributed in the form of tax breaks.

He refused to fight anyone who would have a reasonable chance to defeat him. He only allowed guys under 180 pounds, only allowed guys with no prior boxing experience (while he has prior boxing experience), refused to have them trained though he said he would, and legitimately attacked them in a fight he stated would be fake. He's a hack at making movies and he's a hack at publicity stunts, too. This only makes him look like a bigger dick.


Who did he beat up? some lowlife internet hacks. they had it coming.

Besides, who in his right mind trusts a german to make a 'non aggression pact?'

Anyone who gets a kick out of his cinemascam brilliance gets an even bigger kick out of his boxing escapades. I know I do.

His movies aren't any good, but he doesn't intend them to be. He has a PhD in literature.

For the ignorant among us:

In the DVD commentary of Alone in the Dark, Boll explains how he funds his films:

Dr Boll:
"Maybe you know it but it's not so easy to finance movies in total. And the reason I am able to do these kind of movies is I have a tax shelter fund in Germany, and if you invest in a movie in Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the Government."

Wikipedia:
Boll is able to acquire funding thanks to German tax laws that reward investments in film. The law allows investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allows them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor is then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor gets a tax writeoff.



Loss-leader cinema as tax shelter, it's a brilliant plan.

And FFS, if you want to watch a good movie, don't pick up something called "House of the Dead" or "BloodRayne." WTF do you expect?

...

I KNEW Uwe Boll had something good about him. So long as he steers clear of making a Metal Gear Solid movie, he can do whatever he wants, and gets a salute from me for his genius. Hah. Movies as tax shelters...such a great idea...

Who did he beat up? some lowlife internet hacks. they had it coming.

Besides, who in his right mind trusts a german to make a 'non aggression pact?'

Anyone who gets a kick out of his cinemascam brilliance gets an even bigger kick out of his boxing escapades. I know I do.

Why did they have it coming? Because they didn't like his shitty movies? He rigged the fights in his favor and then, on top of that, lied to his opponents so he would have an even greater advantage. He's a hack and a dick and a bitch.

Why did they have it coming? Because they didn't like his shitty movies? He rigged the fights in his favor and then, on top of that, lied to his opponents so he would have an even greater advantage. He's a hack and a dick and a bitch.

At least in the case of the something awful fool, he had it coming for being an annoying nuisance.

Dr Boll is hardly a hack, he makes his movies the way he does for a reason. High profits are bad for his bankrollers' taxes.

Nothing wrong with being a dick, and it's hard to fathom how he could be both that and a bitch.

He's a big hessian, and the dorks who whined about his movies should have seen it coming. Germans. Non aggression pacts. "doomed to repeat it," &c.

Because he's entertaining in the process. Also, the films are produced in Germany by Germans, with Germans doing the work to make them. This provides jobs to the German little guy.

He also complies with the letter and the spirit of the law, which was aimed at subsidizing the German film industry. Subsidizing always means paying for from the public treasury. In this case, those funds are distributed in the form of tax breaks.

Actually, this doesn't really comply with the spirit of Oberhausen because while he does make his movies with German money et al, this is hardly creating a German cinema. He's creating english language hacktacular video game adaptations that in no way create a 'German voice' in cinema, which is the true spirit of Oberhausen. So no, I'm sorry, bribing Ben Kingsley and Micheal Madson into a adaptation of a video game does not in anyway reflect that. What was at issue was in part that the German film industry could not compete against western films that had already made their money in thier home countries (mostly the US) but also that directors could not tell German stories.

Now, I'm not exactly sure how House of the Dead tells a German story. What with the asian chick in an American flag bikini...

No, I'm sorry-your 'genius' is a hack who is abusing a system set up to build a national voice.

Nothing wrong with being a dick, and it's hard to fathom how he could be both that and a bitch.
He would be a "bitch" because he refused to fight anyone who weighed over a 180 lbs or had prior fighting experience. Even playground bullies have more class than that.

Uwe Boll is a genius, and deserves every dime he's made. He's one of the coolest people out there today, and his approach to film making is one of the most interesting and innovative.

Plus, it is about time someone made these whiney idiots' faces bleed.

You're on crack, right?

I should make mention that the reason behind his winnings is because Boll has about 10-15 years of boxing experiance behind him. As I recall an interview he did he hurt is back which stopped him from continuing.

First of all, if the tax shelter is there he'd be a fool not to use it. I would assert that the shelter shouldn't exist, and if Uwe's antics cause it to be eliminated, then I think he will have done German cinema a service.

As for the boxing, these guys had to know it was a real fight because he's DONE THIS BEFORE. He beat up some critics in Spain a couple of years ago. Plus, one of his opponents this time around was a 17-year-old amateur boxer. Uwe knocked him out in about 40 seconds.

And his opponents did wear headgear. Uwe did not.

First of all, if the tax shelter is there he'd be a fool not to use it. I would assert that the shelter shouldn't exist, and if Uwe's antics cause it to be eliminated, then I think he will have done German cinema a service.
It's there to encourage a German voice, to actually build a German cinema that had been all but eliminated after WWII. Call them nutty, but they wanted to be able to tell German stories instead of only have the option of Duece Bigilow:Male Gigilo. German's couldn't invest in films because the American films where coming in having already made thier money and thus, with a higher production value then was possible and a cheaper distribution, it was impossible to build a German cinema. He's taken that and churned out B-movie nonsense. If he ruins that (and I believe he has) he does a complete disservice to the filmmakers who where working to build the national cinema that was intended.

As for the boxing, these guys had to know it was a real fight because he's DONE THIS BEFORE. He beat up some critics in Spain a couple of years ago. Plus, one of his opponents this time around was a 17-year-old amateur boxer. Uwe knocked him out in about 40 seconds.

And his opponents did wear headgear. Uwe did not.
The boxing is just some grade a silliness. I wouldn't have boxed him for anything. He gets the same response any other asshole gets when called on thier shit. He can beat the hell out of me, his movies will still be a steaming pile of crap.

And in no way does, "I made them crap on purpose" excuse someone for making a piece a crap. Not that you said that, I'm just putting that out there.

Actually, this doesn't really comply with the spirit of Oberhausen because while he does make his movies with German money et al, this is hardly creating a German cinema. He's creating english language hacktacular video game adaptations that in no way create a 'German voice' in cinema, which is the true spirit of Oberhausen. So no, I'm sorry, bribing Ben Kingsley and Micheal Madson into a adaptation of a video game does not in anyway reflect that. What was at issue was in part that the German film industry could not compete against western films that had already made their money in thier home countries (mostly the US) but also that directors could not tell German stories.

Now, I'm not exactly sure how House of the Dead tells a German story. What with the asian chick in an American flag bikini...

No, I'm sorry-your 'genius' is a hack who is abusing a system set up to build a national voice.

I disagree, at the very least, Boll is sending a message to german film financiers and aspiring directors that profitability need not at ANY point factor into the calculus of producing a film.

Really good films never make nearly as much money as hollywood garbage, and Boll has given a clear example to the sort of people who are capable of making good films, films with artistic merit and 'national voice' - and also to those in the position of funding them - that the law works, that the government really is willing to make it a no-risk proposition.

He even went so far as to write a book called "How to make a film in germany."

If House of the Dead is the best germany can do with a government-subsidized cinema, I dont think the problem is with dr. Boll.

He would be a "bitch" because he refused to fight anyone who weighed over a 180 lbs or had prior fighting experience. Even playground bullies have more class than that.

I would contend that this makes him a "dick." He didnt refuse to fight that guy because he was afraid of him, he was just looking to an excuse to get some publicity and hit a few internet whiners in the face. He's GERMAN, SA.com idiot and the others should have known better.

I would contend that this makes him a "dick." He didnt refuse to fight that guy because he was afraid of him, he was just looking to an excuse to get some publicity and hit a few internet whiners in the face. He's GERMAN, SA.com idiot and the others should have known better.
No, I'd say the weight and lack of skill requirements were put in place because he was afraid that he might actually have to break a sweat while compensating for his minute genitalia.
I mean, beating people up is no fun if there is a chance someone might fight back.

So, in summary:
It was "dick"-ish and immature to call out a few internet critics for a fight because they don't worship the ground he walks on, but it was being a "bitch" to be so terrified of an actual competition that he refused to go against any one other than weaklings he fought.

No, I'd say the weight and lack of skill requirements were put in place because he was afraid that he might actually have to break a sweat while compensating for his minute genitalia.
I mean, beating people up is no fun if there is a chance someone might fight back.

So, in summary:
It was "dick"-ish and immature to call out a few internet critics for a fight because they don't worship the ground he walks on, but it was being a "bitch" to be so terrified of an actual competition that he refused to go against any one other than weaklings he fought.

Again, I dont think he was interested in competition to begin with, just in dispensing a public beating and getting some publicity.

The event wasnt 'can uwe boll beat his critics?' it was 'watch uwe boll beat up rich kyanka &al.' Wasnt gladiatorial, it was throw-the-christians-to-the-lions.

His movies are obviously, deliberately garbage, it's hard to believe that he had any interest in defending his 'cinematic honor.'

It was a set-up and a spectacle, just entertainment for the rest of us who would rather watch internet whiners get hit in the face than listen to them.

I disagree, at the very least, Boll is sending a message to german film financiers and aspiring directors that profitability need not at ANY point factor into the calculus of producing a film.

Really good films never make nearly as much money as hollywood garbage, and Boll has given a clear example to the sort of people who are capable of making good films, films with artistic merit and 'national voice' - and also to those in the position of funding them - that the law works, that the government really is willing to make it a no-risk proposition.

He even went so far as to write a book called "How to make a film in germany."

If House of the Dead is the best germany can do with a government-subsidized cinema, I dont think the problem is with dr. Boll.
Here's your flaw-

They already knew that, that's why they made it. That's just stupid. It's like saying going to college with a student loan is to demonstrate that you can go to college with a student loan. Duh.

Oberhausen started in the late sixties, he isn't demonstrating it, he's exploiting it to make drivel meant for an American audience instead of what it was intended for. Sorry, no sale.

Rodriguez writes books about how to make movies on no money without exploiting a national cinema and pissing on the efforts of others. Writing a book does not make one a hero.

House of the Dead is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr from the best that German subsidized cinema can produce. It is in fact the absolute worst it can. That's the issue.

Again, I dont think he was interested in competition to begin with, just in dispensing a public beating and getting some publicity.
Now, see, this doesn't make any sense at all.
If he wants his movies to fail spectacularly (as you claim), then the very last thing he would want is more publicity, as that would, in turn, increase ticket sales to his movies, placing him in danger of losing the "magic touch" that you want to attribute to him.
The event wasnt 'can uwe boll beat his critics?' it was 'watch uwe boll beat up rich kyanka &al.' Wasnt gladiatorial, it was throw-the-christians-to-the-lions.

His movies are obviously, deliberately garbage, it's hard to believe that he had any interest in defending his 'cinematic honor.'
Since he claimed it was a competition to defend his cinematic honor, and is now claiming that honor to be defended, I can only assume that he really was trying to defend his cinematic honor.
He might be lying, but so could you just as easily.
It was a set-up and a spectacle, just entertainment for the rest of us who would rather watch internet whiners get hit in the face than listen to them.
I really don't understand what your problem with "Kyanka &al" is. Kyanka doesn't "whine", for one, and, more importantly, if you don't like Kyanka you can very easily pretend that he doesn't exist.
When was the last time you turned on the TV to be assaulted with a commercial for Something Awful? Or wandered the street only to see an entire wall plastered with posters for Something Awful?
I bet that this post is probably the most times a non-Something Awful reader has ever seen/heard the words "Something Awful" repeated so many times in such a short span.

House of the Dead is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr from the best that German subsidized cinema can produce. It is in fact the absolute worst it can. That's the issue.
If I can make money making a movie, I'll do that. That the German subsidies make it possible for Uwe to do that with films like Bloodrayne demonstrate that the subsidies promote mediocrity.

If German filmmakers actually had to produce good films in order to attact investors, their output might fall but the overall level of quality should rise.

If I can make money making a movie, I'll do that. That the German subsidies make it possible for Uwe to do that with films like Bloodrayne demonstrate that the subsidies promote mediocrity.

If German filmmakers actually had to produce good films in order to attact investors, their output might fall but the overall level of quality should rise.
The problem is if it's just profit then German cinema itself would never be able to compete even if it was churning out Citizen Kanes, so the Oberhausen accord was to remove profitability so that a national cinema could exist. Boll exploited that to make drivel for an American audience because they didn't think they'd have to specify, "No really, try and make a decent flick."

The directors that drafted that accord that led to the subsidies where and are some of the best directors in the world producing some of the most gorgious and thought provoking movies around. To watch something like Ali, Fear Eats the Soul and think it has any relation to House of the Dead is absurd. Boll found a loophole and is an ass for exploiting it. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

The problem is if it's just profit then German cinema itself would never be able to compete even if it was churning out Citizen Kanes
Sure it would. If I make a film that's incredibly popular in Germany, then people can make money by investing in my films. That's simple.

If you're talking about competing in the gloabl market, well then you're not producing films for Germans. You're producing films for Americans, and the same financing they use is open to you.

And as for the loophole, if it's there people will exploit it. If Uwe gets it closed sooner by exploiting it really publically, then that's a good thing.

Are you saying you wouldn't apply for a government grant you were sure you'd get if you didn't think you really deserved it?

Sure it would. If I make a film that's incredibly popular in Germany, then people can make money by investing in my films. That's simple.
It's not even close to that simple. Your "invisible hand" fantasy does not account for the realities of a flooded market and the inability for the smaller German films to compete. It doesn't account for allies shutting down West German production houses and filling the theaters with cheap movies produced on high budgets because they've already made thier money elsewhere. It doesn't account for the many factors that go into making even the best German films difficult when it comes to competing with foriegn product.

If you're talking about competing in the gloabl market, well then you're not producing films for Germans. You're producing films for Americans, and the same financing they use is open to you.

And as for the loophole, if it's there people will exploit it. If Uwe gets it closed sooner by exploiting it really publically, then that's a good thing.
If a car is stealable, it will be stolen. That still makes the thief an asshole. The truth of the matter, despite your misplaced faith in the 'magic' of the market, this was needed and Boll abused it.

Are you saying you wouldn't apply for a government grant you were sure you'd get if you didn't think you really deserved it?
I am in a market that does have incentives for encouraging local production and I would never put anything out that didn't support that and most definetely would not put anything out with my name on it that is a big a pile of steaming crap as movies like House of the Dead. Call it professional pride.

This sort of reasoning is why Germany hasn't created a net private sector job in 20 years.

If a car is stealable, it will be stolen. That still makes the thief an asshole.
Moralist.

There's a reason we have penalties for stealing that car. I don't see a penalty for Uwe.

Maybe you didnt get the gist of it.

The less money the movie makes, the more money he and his investors make.

Like in the producers.

Like in the producers.

And the moral of that story was that in no way would an idea such as theirs ever fail for any reason whatsoever.