NationStates Jolt Archive

NOVATO, Calif. - A man was convicted of various theft charges, after prosecutors say he stole computers from the courthouse while he was on trial for computer theft.

"It just amazed me that someone could be in the middle of a jury trial for a burglary involving computers and immediately get involved in another burglary at the Civic Center," said sheriff's Sgt. Jerry Niess.

Jon Houston Eipp, 39, of Novato pleaded guilty Monday in three separate cases involving 10 different charges, including burglary, theft, drug possession, attempted auto theft and more.
He could be facing nearly five years in prison when he is sentenced next month.

In an interview Monday night at the county jail, Eipp said he stole the computers "for personal reasons."

"I needed help, and I didn't know how to ask for help," he said. "And I guess, in my crazy way, that was my way of asking for help. Help with my drug problems, help with my sanity."


" I needed the computers...Help me with my sanity."

This surely should be a Darwin award candidate...

I've heard that throwing water over the judge is a secret defence. If you do it, they have to let you go.

*Nods*

Or you could do what the Real Ultimate Power kid did when the judge in his lawsuit let him off ;)

" I needed the computers...Help me with my sanity."

This surely should be a Darwin award candidate...

No. From the sounds of things, getting arrested and getting his name in the papers only helps his chances of reproducing.

I've heard that throwing water over the judge is a secret defence. If you do it, they have to let you go.

*Nods*

No, that's a myth. All judges in the US are high ranking Freemasons. Just say the secret word "Tubalcain" and they have to rule in your favor and go spank each other in a secret cave. I learned this from watching News Radio.

No, that's a myth. All judges in the US are high ranking Freemasons. Just say the secret word "Tubalcain" and they have to rule in your favor and go spank each other in a secret cave. I learned this from watching News Radio.

Giving the judge a penis pump helps too.

Giving the judge a penis pump helps too.
Or a Brazilian cleaner.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/5367592.stm

Giving the judge a penis pump helps too.

It didn't work on Judge Bonnie Goldman in Bordentown Twp. NJ. :(

From what I heard from a friend, bribing the judge with hot dogs usually does the trick.

Or you could do what the Real Ultimate Power kid did when the judge in his lawsuit let him off ;)

Care to elaborate for us uneducated clods?