NationStates Jolt Archive

My friend sent me this joke...


Two boys are playing hockey on a frozen pond in Red Deer, Alberta, when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, saving his friend.

A reporter is strolling by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Flames Fan Saves Friend From Viscious Animal" he starts writing in his book.

"But I'm not a Flames Fan" the little hero replies.

"Sorry, but as we are in Alberta, I just assumed you were" says the reporter and he starts writing again.

"Oilers Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he writes in his notebook.

"I'm not an Oilers fan either" the little boy says.

"Oh, I assumed that everyone in Alberta was either for the Flames or the Oilers. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.

"I am a Maple Leafs fan" the boy replies.

The reporter starts a new page in his notebook and writes: "Little Bastard from Ontario Kills Beloved Family Pet"

As well he should. Killing that cute animal with a club. It's worse than a baby seal.

Besides, you should know by know that nobody likes Toronto.

Well, we who live and work in T.O. like all of you a whole bunch - worshippers at the Shrine of Klein aside, that is.

Well, we who live and work in T.O. like all of you a whole bunch - worshippers at the Shrine of Klein aside, that is.

awhhh. shucks, thanks. But we see it as condescending love so shove it. ;)

That is coming from a Quebecois who's used to look at harmless stuff and find it a threath to my language and a way to keep me down. :D

Hey, I lived in Montreal for fifteen years... and I still own a parcel of waterfront land in Lanaudiere. Hell, I just called the Quebec government this morning to get new birth certificates made up.

And I used to dump on T.O. just as much as anyody else in the rest of the country. Things change when you move here and find out it's not so bad after all.

Hey, I lived in Montreal for fifteen years... and I still own a parcel of waterfront land in Lanaudiere. Hell, I just called the Quebec government this morning to get new birth certificates made up.

And I used to dump on T.O. just as much as anyody else in the rest of the country. Things change when you move here and find out it's not so bad after all.

Well, those are the rules, innit?
If you're not in T.O., you bitch about them. If you're in T.O., it's a great place to be.

Only following procedures.

Well, those are the rules, innit?
If you're not in T.O., you bitch about them. If you're in T.O., it's a great place to be.

Only following procedures.
I didn't! Even when I lived in Ottawa, I still loved Toronto...

Then again, Ottawa is Ottawa. Being Ottawa, it is the arm pit of Canada.

Obviously a case of "let the Eastern Bastards butcher pets in the dark, eh?"

Obviously a case of "let the Eastern Bastards butcher pets in the dark, eh?"

:confused:

*Scratches head* What is this... hoc-eh you speak of? :p

Sorry, I don't speak much Canadian.

Went kindry on the boy.

Being Ottawa, it is the arm pit of Canada.

I thought that was Sudbury or Thunder Bay.

I thought that was Sudbury or Thunder Bay.

Hamilton.

Hamilton.
My vote still goes to Ottawa. C'mon... it's armed to the teeth with politicians!

My vote still goes to Ottawa. C'mon... it's armed to the teeth with politicians!

I was going to agree with you as Sudbury and Thunder Bay have beautiful scenery around them, while Ottawa is...well, Ottawa.

But then I thought of Regina, queen city of the prairies. If Ottawa is the armpit, Regina is the infected crotch.

And since I no longer live in Toronto, please assume I have something derisive to say about that city as well. I just can't remember what it is right now. Oh yeah! Everyone's too polite.

I was going to agree with you as Sudbury and Thunder Bay have beautiful scenery around them, while Ottawa is...well, Ottawa.

But then I thought of Regina, queen city of the prairies. If Ottawa is the armpit, Regina is the infected crotch.

And since I no longer live in Toronto, please assume I have something derisive to say about that city as well. I just can't remember what it is right now. Oh yeah! Everyone's too polite.
Too polite? Thnen you've never had the joy of running into me, then, have you? :D

But... but... at least Regina doesn't have FEDERAL MPs who squander our tax payer money on stupid shit... it just has MPPs who bitch because the federal government is not giving out enough money.

Too polite? Thnen you've never had the joy of running into me, then, have you? :D

But... but... at least Regina doesn't have FEDERAL MPs who squander our tax payer money on stupid shit... it just has MPPs who bitch because the federal government is not giving out enough money.

Imagine the Ottawa Canal was completely stagnant. The water didn't move at all. Algae would bloom all spring and rot all summer. That's what Regina smells like. Regina also has a climate like Siberia, many Conservative voters, hicks, less than 3 microbreweries, the RCMP barracks, and people who think it's elegant to dress head to toe in the same colour. And whenever you go out of the country and people ask you where you're from, and you say 'Regina', everyone looks at you like you just said 'vagina' because that's what they just heard.

Imagine the Ottawa Canal was completely stagnant. The water didn't move at all. Algae would bloom all spring and rot all summer. That's what Regina smells like. Regina also has a climate like Siberia, many Conservative voters, hicks, less than 3 microbreweries, the RCMP barracks, and people who think it's elegant to dress head to toe in the same colour. And whenever you go out of the country and people ask you where you're from, and you say 'Regina', everyone looks at you like you just said 'vagina' because that's what they just heard.
Besides Vancouver, what part of Canada in the winter DOESN'T have a Siberia-like climate?

Besides Vancouver, what part of Canada in the winter DOESN'T have a Siberia-like climate?

Oh, I'm serious about this one. Montreal and Toronto will have about 3 or 4 really cold (-40) days every winter. The prairies, on the other hand, get at least 30 days like this every winter. Now, most prairie cities are built in the river valleys, which is something the natives taught us. In the winter, then, the wind blows over the valley, leaving the valley slightly warmer.

Not Regina. Built in the middle of the prairie. One day in Regina, it was about 45 below, with a wind chill making it -55, with gusts bringing it down to -70.
I shit thee not.

Regina: coldest place in the northern hemisphere. It's in the books.

heard this joke years ago as being between Boston and NYC

heard this joke years ago as being between Boston and NYC

Ah yes. Same context, I assume?

Ah yes. Same context, I assume?

yeah...happens in Boston, NYC fan kills beloved family pet.

I've also had my uncle swap the two

yeah...happens in Boston, NYC fan kills beloved family pet.

I've also had my uncle swap the two

Not as funny. It's not like the NY Rangers and the Boston Bruins have such a big rivalry.




Yes, I know about the Sox and Yankees, and to a lesser extent the Patriots and Jets or Celtics and 76ers. Cut it out already, I wanted to make you laugh, damnit. Of fine, if you take it like that, I'm going. Goodbye.