Orion Ascendant
19-09-2006, 10:55
Not satisfied with a tenuous relationship that most other religions share with their respective deities, I (Name As In Passport) have explicitly decided to establish a strong relationship by entering into a contract with (Name of Deity). The contract reads as follows:
Whereas I, [Name] (hereinafter known as `the Worshippers') wish to establish a long-term relationship with an omnipotent and all-knowing deific entity (hereinafter known as `God', `god' or assorted terms) which shall mutually benefit both parties, the parties agree to abide by the following terms and commitments for the rest of eternity.
The Worshippers hereby promise to perform faithfully and to the best of their ability the following:
1. Worshippers shall make regular and sincere obeisance to God, including but not limited to prayer, sacrifice, and the building of large structures.
2. Worshippers shall make every attempt to convert non-believers (hereinafter known as `Them') making sure to obtain signed documents from same attesting to said conversion.
3. Worshippers shall not enter into an agreement with another deity, without written permission from God.
In consideration of the above correctly performed obeisance, God shall provide:
1. Continued existance with little or no modification to the perceived reality of the Worshippers.
2. No fewer than 3 miracles (Force Majeure), whose exact nature and timing shall be left to God's sole discretion.
3. Worshippers shall enjoy some form of life after death which shall remain a complete and total mystery to the Worshippers until such time as they die.
We, the undersigned, hereby swear to fulfill our obligations as defined above.
Signed, [Name]
(God, being omni-present and all-knowing is considered to have signed this document, by default.)
Whereas I, [Name] (hereinafter known as `the Worshippers') wish to establish a long-term relationship with an omnipotent and all-knowing deific entity (hereinafter known as `God', `god' or assorted terms) which shall mutually benefit both parties, the parties agree to abide by the following terms and commitments for the rest of eternity.
The Worshippers hereby promise to perform faithfully and to the best of their ability the following:
1. Worshippers shall make regular and sincere obeisance to God, including but not limited to prayer, sacrifice, and the building of large structures.
2. Worshippers shall make every attempt to convert non-believers (hereinafter known as `Them') making sure to obtain signed documents from same attesting to said conversion.
3. Worshippers shall not enter into an agreement with another deity, without written permission from God.
In consideration of the above correctly performed obeisance, God shall provide:
1. Continued existance with little or no modification to the perceived reality of the Worshippers.
2. No fewer than 3 miracles (Force Majeure), whose exact nature and timing shall be left to God's sole discretion.
3. Worshippers shall enjoy some form of life after death which shall remain a complete and total mystery to the Worshippers until such time as they die.
We, the undersigned, hereby swear to fulfill our obligations as defined above.
Signed, [Name]
(God, being omni-present and all-knowing is considered to have signed this document, by default.)