NationStates Jolt Archive


The hedgehog can never be buggered!

Drunk commies deleted
16-09-2006, 16:08
Somebody should have sung the song to this guy. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1996710.html?menu=

It seems this guy tried to do the impossible and bugger a hedgehog. He got surgery for his mutilated member and the hedgehog is just fine.

"Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do
But I have to say this as a warning to you:
With almost all animals, you can have ball
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The spines on his back are too sharp for a man
They'll give you a pain in the worst place they can
The result I think you'll find will appall:
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Mounting a horse can often be fun
An elephant too; though he weighs half a ton
Even a mouse (though his hole is quite small)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The spines on his back are so awful thick
you'll end up with naught but a painful prick.
He has an impregnable hole when curled up in a ball,
Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Screwing a cow while she goes moo-moo
Will be entertaining to both her and you
Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet
And a cat or a dog can be more than a pet
Even a giraffe (despite being so tall)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can manage a snake, though its poison might kill
It's amazing how humping a camel will thrill
You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can ravish a sloth but it would take all night
With a shark it is faster, but the darned beast might bite
We already mentioned the horse, you may recall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell
Or even an oyster, should he let go of his shell
A troll can be rocky if down you should fall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter
Or pego a pig after parting his trotters
Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur
To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer
The lemurs cry 'Frink!' as a coy mating call
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Antipodean pranks -- you can futter a wombat.
Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat
Or hump a goanna -- go on, do it all
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing
Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising,
Or mountin' a mountain goat (careful, don't fall!)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You could thrust with a thrush if you fancy a climb,
Or pork a few piglets if you have the time,
A skinhead's pet cat if you don't mind a brawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all."
Gravlen
16-09-2006, 16:12
:eek:

He should have read more Terry Pratchett-books.

*Gets drunk*
Andaluciae
16-09-2006, 16:14
Oh my, oh dearie me...

He's a moron. I hope the hedgehog ruptured his testes, that way the moron can never reproduce.
Super-power
16-09-2006, 16:22
Oh my, oh dearie me...

He's a moron. I hope the hedgehog ruptured his testes, that way the moron can never reproduce.
I'd nominate him for a Darwin Award if he had died.
Vault 10
16-09-2006, 16:35
" Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation. "

Well, if he was persistent, he surely could forget about premature ejaculations. The witchdoctor was right. The man ought to try again and again.
Markreich
16-09-2006, 17:04
It's been a good month for hedgehogs, then.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/shropshire/5344072.stm

McDonald's aids hedgehogs' safety
A charity has won a six-year campaign to get McDonald's to change the design of an ice cream container because hedgehogs could become stuck in it.
The British Hedgehog Preservation Society, based in Dhustone, Shropshire, was unhappy about the lid on the McFlurry.

The fast food giant said significant research had been carried out to develop the new lid.

It now has a hole which is too small for hedgehogs to crawl through.

Fay Vass, from the animal group, said: "They'd get their head stuck against the lid of the (old) cup, which all too often ends up in the hedgehog's environment, because we're a nation of litter bugs unfortunately."
Hamilay
16-09-2006, 17:05
Heh, I remember a Darwin Personal Account of something like this.
... wait... they have "witch-doctors" in Eastern Europe?
Lunatic Goofballs
16-09-2006, 17:07
A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice.

Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.

Somewhere in Serbia, a witchdoctor laughs uncontrollably. :p
Lunatic Goofballs
16-09-2006, 17:08
... wait... they have "witch-doctors" in Eastern Europe?

Apparently not. :D
Gravlen
16-09-2006, 17:08
I have to say this again:

http://www.bpaul.com/xoops/modules/weblog/images/stupidity.jpg
LiberationFrequency
16-09-2006, 17:29
I think this goes up for a Darwin.
Vetalia
16-09-2006, 17:29
At first, I thought you were talking about Ron Jeremy...but this is much more sordid.
SHAOLIN9
16-09-2006, 19:20
OMG! What a prick!:D

He shoulda just gone for beaver!

http://www.familyfriendsfirearms.com/forum/fffmain/smilies/lolclown.gif
United Chicken Kleptos
16-09-2006, 19:26
I have a friend who loves hedgehogs, but she can't really bugger one, so I guess it can't be her.
Vetalia
16-09-2006, 19:28
Somewhere in Serbia, a witchdoctor laughs uncontrollably. :p

And somewhere in Japan, a tear runs down the face of Sonic the Hedgehog's programmer...
Drunk commies deleted
16-09-2006, 19:29
And somewhere in Japan, a tear runs down the face of Sonic the Hedgehog's programmer...

The hedgehog was unharmed. Evolution has provided the hedgehog with an effective defense against buggery.
Vetalia
16-09-2006, 19:30
The hedgehog was unharmed. Evolution has provided the hedgehog with an effective defense against buggery.

Millions of years of evolution and someone still tries to get them up the ass...
Desperate Measures
16-09-2006, 19:45
"Go fuck a hedgehog," is now going to be my standard advice and my opinion about most matters. In fact, you can skip over whatever I type in the future in General because it can all be expressed by the sentiment that who ever is involved may go bugger all of the hedgehogs to be found in nature.