Dangerous Doormats!!!
Wild Orchid
15-09-2006, 20:07
Do you own a doormat?
Just be grateful that you aren't a tenant in Bristol.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=405042&in_page_id=1770
Dind't you know the doormats are plotting aginst us?:eek: Would you like it someone stepped on your face and started wipiing there feet on you?
Do you own a doormat?
Just be grateful that you aren't a tenant in Bristol.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=405042&in_page_id=1770
I love these funny stories.Here is another...
Man needed surgery after sex with hedgehog
A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice.
Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.
But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his penis severely lacerated.
A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."
New Lofeta
15-09-2006, 20:51
I love these funny stories.Here is another...
Man needed surgery after sex with hedgehog
A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice.
Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.
But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his penis severely lacerated.
A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."
How... does... that... even... work?
Farnhamia
15-09-2006, 20:59
I love these funny stories.Here is another...
Man needed surgery after sex with hedgehog
A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice.
Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.
But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his penis severely lacerated.
A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."
Well, I bet he's not ejaculating prematurely anymore, so it worked. :rolleyes:
As for doormats ... :eek: ... good thing I mostly go in and out of my house through the back door. I'll sneak up on the mat this weekend and banish it.
Do you own a doormat?
Just be grateful that you aren't a tenant in Bristol.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=405042&in_page_id=1770
So having already removed all guns and pocket knives from citizizens and having solved all crime in Brizzle the plod are now on doormat patrol and removing them for the citizens own good are they?
Farnhamia
15-09-2006, 21:05
So having already removed all guns and pocket knives from citizizens and having solved all crime in Brizzle the plod are now on doormat patrol and removing them for the citizens own good are they?
And about time, too, NB. I've lived in my house eight years now and I know I was just on the verge of tripping over that thing and splitting my head open. I wish the City Council in Denver would enact a regulation like that.
Up in the People's Republic of Boulder it's illegal to have furntiture like couches and chairs, indoors stuff, on your front porch, but that's because the students at CU like to drag them into the street on occasion and set them on fire.
Wild Orchid
15-09-2006, 21:21
:eek:
They do have minds of their own!
http://www.stacksandstacks.com/html/80012_door-mat-wow-nice-underwear.htm
Philosopy
15-09-2006, 21:25
Two words as to why I expect this is exaggerated and blown up out of all proportion:
'Daily' and 'Mail'.
Wild Orchid
15-09-2006, 21:34
Two words as to why I expect this is exaggerated and blown up out of all proportion:
'Daily' and 'Mail'.
How about the beeb?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/bristol/somerset/5344684.stm
Philosopy
15-09-2006, 21:37
How about the beeb?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/bristol/somerset/5344684.stm
hmm...I'm not sure what's more surprising - the fact that the Daily Mail might have a proper story, or the fact that the BBC News website didn't try to blame this on either the Israeli's or global warming.
New Burmesia
15-09-2006, 21:50
Two words as to why I expect this is exaggerated and blown up out of all proportion:
'Daily' and 'Mail'.
Kind of off-topic, but my dad works in newspapers and (thus) people who have worked in the Daily Mail, and apparently it's exactly how you'd expect a virulent far-right rag to be run. They have special cubicles to prevent employees from communicating with each other, suspended a guy for having a mullet and refused to employ a guy for wearing brown shoes.
Read the Daily Mirror!
Wild Orchid
15-09-2006, 21:55
Kind of off-topic, but my dad works in newspapers and (thus) people who have worked in the Daily Mail, and apparently it's exactly how you'd expect a virulent far-right rag to be run. They have special cubicles to prevent employees from communicating with each other, suspended a guy for having a mullet and refused to employ a guy for wearing brown shoes.
Read the Daily Mirror!
The Times is my usual...I'd rather stay with that!
So much for the decoration of peace. We are at WAR people
Wake Up.
Scottsvillania
15-09-2006, 22:22
when I read the title to this, I was really hoping for a new doormat that could be wired like an alarm system that when stepped on unleashed some sort of laughing gas. That would've been alot cooler than this
And about time, too, NB. I've lived in my house eight years now and I know I was just on the verge of tripping over that thing and splitting my head open. I wish the City Council in Denver would enact a regulation like that.
Up in the People's Republic of Boulder it's illegal to have furntiture like couches and chairs, indoors stuff, on your front porch, but that's because the students at CU like to drag them into the street on occasion and set them on fire.
You cant be too safe. The more laws the better.
Farnhamia
15-09-2006, 22:56
You cant be too safe. The more laws the better.
Absolutely. Eventually you can collect the whole set and pile them up arond the walls of your house, they make great insulation.
Kind of off-topic, but my dad works in newspapers and (thus) people who have worked in the Daily Mail, and apparently it's exactly how you'd expect a virulent far-right rag to be run. They have special cubicles to prevent employees from communicating with each other, suspended a guy for having a mullet and refused to employ a guy for wearing brown shoes.
Read the Daily Mirror!
Didnt I read this about the Daily Maul in a Gruniad article?
Absolutely. Eventually you can collect the whole set and pile them up arond the walls of your house, they make great insulation.
Not to mention that if you have enough of them eventually they overlap enough that everyone is by definition a criminal and peace officers can arrest anyone they like and still be assured of arresting a lawbreaker. That way we can all be safer.
New Domici
15-09-2006, 23:15
Do you own a doormat?
Just be grateful that you aren't a tenant in Bristol.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=405042&in_page_id=1770
I seriously thought that this was going to be a thread about the US Congress.
I seriously thought that this was going to be a thread about the US Congress.
I thought it was going to be another thread about women choosing the wrong men to have relationships with.
Farnhamia
15-09-2006, 23:27
I thought it was going to be another thread about women choosing the wrong men to have relationships with.
Armed women choosing the wrong men, remember, they're dangerous doormats.
Armed women choosing the wrong men, remember, they're dangerous doormats.
I have a step sister who fell in love with and married a loser. After he cheated on her and yelled at her and etc for years. One fine day after a decade of this she found out he was cheating again and suddenly grew a spine. She drove over to the mistress' house and unlimbered a baseball bat and beat the dog crap out of all the cars and windows and doors at the house before finally being subdued by the cops. Even though she got jailed this was a good day for her, she changed for the better. There have been no further bat incidents but she doesnt take needless abuse from anyone anymore. Her current husband isnt the richest or clearest thinking guy I ever met but he loves her and they respect eachother and that is better and probably enough.
So my advice to doormats is to arm yourselves with bats rather than guns and things might get better for you as well.
Two words as to why I expect this is exaggerated and blown up out of all proportion:
'Daily' and 'Mail'.
So how true is this quote from "Yes, Prime Minister"?
Jim Hacker: Don't tell me about the Press. I know *exactly* who reads the papers. The Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by people who think they *ought* to run the country. The Times is read by the people who actually *do* run the country. The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The Financial Times is read by people who *own* the country. The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by *another* country. The Daily Telegraph is read by the people who think it is.
Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?
Bernard Woolley: Sun readers don't care *who* runs the country - as long as she's got big tits.
Markreich
16-09-2006, 01:20
Do you own a doormat?
Just be grateful that you aren't a tenant in Bristol.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=405042&in_page_id=1770
First they took away the guns.
Then they started on the knives.
Soon they'll take away the doormats, the government will declare war with Eurasia, and everyone will be having two minute hates.
Welcome to Nineteen Eighty Four.
Yootopia
16-09-2006, 01:28
First they took away the guns.
Then they started on the knives.
Soon they'll take away the doormats, the government will declare war with EastAsia, and everyone will be having two minute hates.
Welcome to Nineteen Eighty Four.
Eurasia, not EastAsia!
GRRRRR!
Wilgrove
16-09-2006, 01:30
Dammit, didn't we learn anything from the pants incidents?!
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
16-09-2006, 01:40
I wonder how they plan to dispose of the door mats? Will there be great doormat burnings, complete with huge bonfires and effigies of Ben Spees (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Spees)?
Markreich
16-09-2006, 02:09
Eurasia, not EastAsia!
GRRRRR!
Eurasia! Yes, Eurasia! We've ALWAYS been at war with Eurasia!
Have a victory gin on me!
New Domici
16-09-2006, 02:28
I have a step sister who fell in love with and married a loser. After he cheated on her and yelled at her and etc for years...
Can a married lover truly be said to be "cheating" on you? The relationship is predicated on the absence of fidelity, so sleeping with other people is built into the ground rules.
Lerkistan
16-09-2006, 03:03
Can a married lover truly be said to be "cheating" on you? The relationship is predicated on the absence of fidelity, so sleeping with other people is built into the ground rules.
"fell in love with and married a loser", not "fell in love with a married loser" :p