NationStates Jolt Archive

1. If you go outside in a miniskirt in Japan, there is roughly a %33 chance that you will be raped by demons/tentacle monsters, transform into a transvestite who fights evil, or be sucked into another dimension. The remaining %1 is that nothing will happen.

2. All schools in Japan require their female students to wear miniskirts, so #1 swings into play quite a lot.

3. Everybody in Japan knows some form of martial arts, magic, or can build and/or operate a giant robot.

4. Giant robots are common in Japan despite its lack of natural resources.

5. People in Japan are telepathic, they only move their lips so that silly gaijin THINK theyre talking.

6. Female Japanese laughter sounds like a small rodent being choked to death or stepped on.

7. In Japan, battles stop every fifteen seconds so that the sides can taunt each other for five minutes.

8. Physics do not apply to giant robots.

9. In the future, having eyes larger than your brain will be normal.

10. Hair gel is so common in Japan that the Japanese governemnt actually requires people to grow it at least a foot long and spike it.

11. Green hair is not a result of long-term exposure to dynamite.

12. The average Japanese person eats roughly ten times per season.

13. The Japanese do not chew food, they inhale.

14. The reason for #13 is that their teeth frequently retract into their gum lines for some unknown reason.

15. The Japanese can distend their jaws much like snakes. The average Japanese person can expand their mouth over ten times its original size.

16. There is no crime in Japan, the demons ate all the criminals.

17. Ninja are capable of not only dodging bullets, but actually reflecting them back at the person shooting at them.

18. In a fight of a gun against a sword, seven times out of ten the sword will win.

19. Never trust a guy with pointy teeth.

20. Japanese women have evolved powerful back muscles in order to carry the extra, ah, weight around.

21. The Japanese are so industrius that they can repair entire cities in less than a day, despite those cities having been leveled by monsters or destroyed in massive explosions.

22. Tentacles can hide ANYWHERE.

23. Most people are quite capable of surviving massive explosions at close range.

24. Japanese medicine was so advanced that, by the 1800's you could have your stomach sliced open, be stabbed twice in the torso and then blown up, but expect a full recovery in a few hours.

25. If an old guy offers to pay you for something, you will most likely end up watching him hobble off into the sunset laughing at you for being an idiot. You may possibly learn an important life lesson though.

26. Most of life is filler.

27. If you die, you can always come back as a clone, robot, wizard or some other being.

28. If you live in a house full of magical women, dont even bother trying, you will NEVER have sex again, or at all, depending. EVER. Not even with the one that saves the day and that you secretly love and who secretly loves you back.

29. The stereotypical gay guy will most likely save the day at least once.

30. Its perfectly okay to thorw guys through walls, hit them with large hammers, blow them up, burn them, and generally assault them. Women cant hurt men in Japan unless those women are robots or wearing bondage gear.

31. A thosand years in the future, the Japanese people will still eat rice, and on their super advanced space platforms, they will still grow rice in large paddies full of water.

32. Soldiers in the Japanese army die much more easily than civilians, and tend to disentigrate.

33. In the future, vessels will launch vast clouds of tiny missiles at each other, these missiles will not have any sort of seeking warhead, but will instead explode in the general area of the enemy ship, presumably this will impress the enemy.

34. Laser beams will also explode for some reason.

35. If your on a huge quest to find some vastly important item and/or save the world, you will most likely die before you get the girl. Dont worry though, after your horribly painful and lingering death you get to come back.

Harmonia Mortus Redux;11663177']1. If you go outside in a miniskirt in Japan, there is roughly a %33 chance that you will be raped by demons/tentacle monsters, transform into a transvestite who fights evil, or be sucked into another dimension. The remaining %1 is that nothing will happen.
Don't remember seeing that yesterday, must have been an off day. Now the day BEFORE yesterday.

2. All schools in Japan require their female students to wear miniskirts, so #1 swings into play quite a lot.
It's not a requirement, the girls just do it anyway to improve their odds for a good excuse as to why they can't produce their English homework.

3. Everybody in Japan knows some form of martial arts, magic, or can build and/or operate a giant robot.
This is actually true.

4. Giant robots are common in Japan despite its lack of natural resources.
Only in Tokyo. Out here in Nagano we have to make due with mid-sized robots. The poor folks in Hokkaido only get the 7-11 specials.

5. People in Japan are telepathic, they only move their lips so that silly gaijin THINK theyre talking.
This only applies to Japanese women. Trust me, get a Japanese girl friend or wife and she will tell you what you're thinking.

6. Female Japanese laughter sounds like a small rodent being choked to death or stepped on.
Sadly, this is actually true.

10. Hair gel is so common in Japan that the Japanese governemnt actually requires people to grow it at least a foot long and spike it.
Looking at the kids in Shinjuku and I'd believe it.

11. Green hair is not a result of long-term exposure to dynamite.

Same, just replace Shinjuku with Shibuya.

13. The Japanese do not chew food, they inhale.
This is quite true and the reason why eating school lunch can be a scarry experiance.

15. The Japanese can distend their jaws much like snakes. The average Japanese person can expand their mouth over ten times its original size.
This is also quite true.

20. Japanese women have evolved powerful back muscles in order to carry the extra, ah, weight around.
Sadly, this only applies to AV stars.

21. The Japanese are so industrius that they can repair entire cities in less than a day, despite those cities having been leveled by monsters or destroyed in massive explosions.
Actually... they DO work very fast and get major work done in record time after any disaster.

24. Japanese medicine was so advanced that, by the 1800's you could have your stomach sliced open, be stabbed twice in the torso and then blown up, but expect a full recovery in a few hours.
But will have to endure having to take a pill up your butt.

25. If an old guy offers to pay you for something, you will most likely end up watching him hobble off into the sunset laughing at you for being an idiot. You may possibly learn an important life lesson though.
Don't mess with the Ojiisans. They aren't QUITE as scary as Obaachans, but they're damn well close!

31. A thosand years in the future, the Japanese people will still eat rice, and on their super advanced space platforms, they will still grow rice in large paddies full of water.
It wouldn't surprise me, they do so now after all.

32. Soldiers in the Japanese army die much more easily than civilians, and tend to disentigrate.
Poor SDF...

You forgot about Tokyo Tower exploding every week and Tokyo itself every month!

The above post is absolutely true. Every. Single. Word.

Harmonia Mortus Redux;11663177']
7. In Japan, battles stop every fifteen seconds so that the sides can taunt each other for five minutes.

Yeah, and when one guy wins the battle an the other lies defeated on the ground, he will suddenly stand up again and say something like "Hahaha, it seems you've become quite powerful - now I won't have to hold back anymore!". But for reasons unknown, they will wait a full week before they continue their fight.

Yeah, and when one guy wins the battle an the other lies defeated on the ground, he will suddenly stand up again and say something like "Hahaha, it seems you've become quite powerful - now I won't have to hold back anymore!". But for reasons unknown, they will wait a full week before they continue their fight.

Well, when manga (which is what much of anime is based on: Japanese comics)
companies can't even have color comics, which, unless you count the covers, is almost always, due to time and money constrainsts, there has to be alot of drawings that are easy to draw, like talking, rather than harder to draw, like fighting.

You forgot some more things anime teaches us:

When armor is required, men need full-body suits while women only need to protect very little of their bodies. It looks like we found our weaker sex and, frankly, we've been wrong about which one.

When fighting someone that could rip out your intestinal tract just by looking at you, no armor is required. You could take blasts that would level entire cities and you will still be intact, sans a few drops of blood.

energy blasts come from palms. And I thought my sweaty palms of stench was lethal.

- Women carry around big, blunt, heavy and dangerous objects hidden in their person, even if they're naked.

- Old men have more sex drive than teenagers that had viagra for dinner in the past 3 days.

- It's not the burly guy with the rocket launcher you have to worry about, it's the small boy with the quarterstaff.

- If a guy looks weak and effeminate and is carrying nothing that can possibly be harmful, run away.

- A man will have much more success among the ladies if he looks vaguely like one.

- 7.9 out of 10 attacks are performed with items that don't even resemble weapons, such as household objects or cooking appliances.

- The other 2 out of 10 are performed with swords.

- The remaining 0.1, with guns.

- The jerk always wins his fights easily, the main hero that beat the jerk once always struggles within an inch of his life.

- People in Japan have about 10 sets of clothing that are just alike one another.

- You only go to the bathroom if a lewd joke is needed.

- The second a boy is adored by lots of ladies, he changes from a pervert into a shy, considerate guy.

- There's always a moron that charges at the enemy. He always survives his own stupidity through sheer resistance.

- There's nothing more dangerous than a person that's been beaten to near death.

- The human body has about 300 pints of blood.

- If you're a woman, you can be even in a nunnery, but eventually you WILL be caught without clothes by a male.

-The bigger and spikier your hair, the more important you are story-wise.
-Classic group make-up one:
tough guy
flirt
guy who kinda looks like a girl
guy obcessed with girl
someone who rarely stays with the team for long
actual girl

-classic group make-up two:
tough guy
womanizer
girl with special power
fighter girl
mascot

-classic group make-up three:
leader
healer
evil guy
idiot

real guns are as deadly as super-soakers, so, unless you're the wicked witch of the west, you're bullet proof

aliens strangely look and talk like humans, dispite being isolated from eachother for eons

Another one is that whenever a character announces which move he's gong to use against his opponent in a clear, loud voice, sid opponent never seems to be able to come up with an appropriate counter to it.

- The human body has about 300 pints of blood.

And it's highly pressurized.

Gentlemen, need I remind you that every time you drag real world rules and physics into a discussion on anime, God kills a catgirl.

Please...won't someone think of the catgirls...? :(

Gentlemen, need I remind you that every time you drag real world rules and physics into a discussion on anime, God kills a catgirl.

I do believe that is the intention.

I do believe that is the intention.

You are a horrible, horrible person...

This is what I've learned from Mecha/Sci-Fi genre Anime:


1. Contadictory to the idea that sound waves require a medium to travel within i.e atmosphere, in space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

2. In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity. There's no such thing as acceleration or constant motion.

3. The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Heavily armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

4. The largest space vessel armadas, the grandest armies, and similiar organisations of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song, usually depicting love.
Also, whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

5. Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.
This weapon will also almost certainly self-destruct or be similiarly incapacitated just before it's activation, except when it is being used on some defenseless object such as a moon.

6. The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity. The length of training time decreases exponentially if you are equal to or under the age of 16.

7. 14, 12 and even 10 year old children commonly graduate college/university.

Visit 100 Laws of anime: http://www.cs.utah.edu/~duongsaa/more_htm/jk_100animeRules.htm

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.

O_O


Also note that said highly preassurized blood is often released in aerosol form. Also, any wound in the torso may result in people coughing up huge amounts of blood. HOWEVER, if its an innocent person who is stabbed at close range, more likely a single line of blood will run down their chin.

- The dark sinister guy that's always the jerk is in secrecy just a misunderstood caring person that wouldn't hurt a fly
- The kind, friendly nice guy that gives everyone all his love always has a hidden agenda spelling doom, death, excruciating pain, utter humiliation and other similiar discomforts for the main character.
- Men regularly dress up as girls, and vice-versa. They manage to avoid detection even when showering in the dressing room.
- If the main character is weak and appears to be of absolutely no use at all, he has a hidden talent so destructive it always saves the day in the end.
- The above talent cannot be controled in any way, shape or form, but randomly manifests itself any time it is convenient.
- The spiky hairdo is not only to support the hair gell industry, it also conceals a large volume of water that instantly condenses into a large droplet above the left eyebrow in moments of shock. (It is rumored that it is telepathically activated, as non-japanese cannot produce this droplet, and as stated previously, all japanese are telepaths.)

Edit: Hmm, It looks there is nothing I can add to the brilliant 100 laws stipulated above.
How can something so predicatable (anime that is) be so amusing?

- The best way to get someone in a position of power to do something is to tell him not to do that lest the city/state/country/world/solar system/galaxy/universe ends.

- Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing - unless you're driving like a maniac, in which case nothing can get you killed.

- It's NEVER straightforward. There's always something behind the clear and obvious villain.

- Rich people are completely crazy. That goes double for rich people in a position of power.

- The villain will always have as counsellor someone with much more sense than him. That someone will not stop the villain's plans and the villain will not heed any advice that comes from that someone. As such, it's conceivable that villains like to keep intelligent people as decorative furniture.

- By chance, the strong guy will have to deal with the psionic opponent that's fighting from afar, and the psionic guy will have to deal with the strong opponent that's fighting up close.

- A shout of "That's impossible!" is the clearest indicator of the possibility of a given event.

- If someone is strong enough to kill you with one hit, they will invariably be sadistic enough to make you suffer first, thus making you a person near death, which is, as previously pointed out, the most dangerous opponent in the world.

- Omnipotent beings aren't.

- Powerless beings aren't.

- Nobody has a boring past, it is either glorious and full of magic or dark and evil.

Not to watch anime.

Catgirls are invairably sexy. There is no such thing as an ugly catgirl. Ever.

Japanese women have the ability to randomly change into catgirls, bunnygirls, and other animalgirls at will. Similarly, not a one of them is ugly.

If a computer is made into the shape of a woman, the ON/OFF switch is always placed in the most idiotic place imaginable.

Harmonia Mortus Redux;11664634']O_O


Also note that said highly preassurized blood is often released in aerosol form. Also, any wound in the torso may result in people coughing up huge amounts of blood. HOWEVER, if its an innocent person who is stabbed at close range, more likely a single line of blood will run down their chin.

Not just innocents...


If you are a henchman of the main villan, and deprately in love with him, you will recieve a terrible wound and die in his arms as JUST AS YOU DIE he realizes you loved him.... male and female henchman can accomplish this, so long as the villan is male.

but if the villan is female, you must be female to do this.... men just die.

You discover your ultimate power early on, yet some how manage to find even greater powers as the series progresses.

You discover your ultimate power early on, yet some how manage to find even greater powers as the series progresses.

Your hair will also grow larger as this occures.

Despite the huge bulging of various muscles across your body, your clothes will not tear.

If at any point you are on a quest to save the galaxy, you will invariably arrive at a hot spring, hot spring planet, or ultra-dimensional demon hot spring, where your female companions will procede to strip and act like lesbians.
For some unknown reason, ALL alien species build their hot springs and surrounding facilities in the Japanese style.
It should also be noted that these hot springs exert a field which cases womens breasts to expand, so one who appears rather flat chested when clothed will possess a full set of D-cups.
This same field will cause all men to develope a six pack and impressive pectoral muscles.

- Both sides have at least one person that smiles, knows EVERYTHING and withholds most of it.

- There is no cursing in the Japanese language beyond the word "crap".

- Women are perfectly capable of defending themselves, with ease, against anyone they believe to be a perverted maniac... unless that person is an ACTUAL perverted maniac.

- The most dysfunctional relationship systems can be built in thirty minutes, with one phone call.

- Being spontaneous ALWAYS works. Somehow.

- Women are all beautiful, but 80% of them are terrible at supposed-gender-role tasks. Which is why they adopt 14-year old kids with lots of issues to perform said tasks for them.

- One can speak whole sentences in less than one second during a quick fight. Similarly, they do not get any blows to the mouth, face or stomach during the sentences.

- Both sides have at least one pet. The hero's one is cute. The villain's one is annoying.

- Homosexuals make up about 30% of the population, and homosexuality is not restricted to the human race, being present in aliens, spirits, and gods all alike. While it might be because the companies are enlightened and feel the need to show that homosexuality is a normal thing, as indeed it is, the cause of this is most likely related to the fact that some yaoi gets more girls watching the show.

- Unless they're the main characters, police officers are either incompetent and obstructionist or nice, competent people that die in their line of duty within two seconds.

- People can perform moves at incredibly high speeds without suffering any effect from air friction.

- If the fight is one-on-one, it'll be a tough match that may extend for hours. If the fight is one-on-ninety, the one will win easily in about ten seconds.

-The only thing that can make a hero more powerful than nearly being beaten to death is to watch his best friend die.

-After beating the hero to death's doorstep, the villain will invariably kill the hero's best friend. The resulting power-up creates a hole in spcae-time that allows the villain to be beaten in slow-motion.

-Anime villains never kill anyone quickly, unless they are non-important. Killing an important character takes roughly the same amount of time as the character needs to flashback over his or her life twice.

- Mobile Suits are more armored than their large battleships and carriers.

- it's the pretty girls that are the dangerous ones.

- if you stop to listen to the person cry out their attack name... it's too late.

- A rookie, with the manual on his lap, will out pilot and out gun all veterans.

- living in a building full of beautiful women is a curse.

- No one has parking problems in Japan.

- old men know everything. getting them to tell you however...

- Delivering Tofu is the best way to learn how to drift.

Women in Japan live to be about 150 at which point they hunch over and shrink to about 3'5" and either have only one eye or have one eye larger than the other in addition to tons of wrinkles.

The rule of inverse technological effectiveness
- The more advanced tech you have the more likely your opponent will be able to defeat it with a pole or their own hands.

when your army is opposed by one girl in an evening gown... run away or surrender. winning is no longer an option. (Madlax)

When your Starfleet is faced with one decrepted old battleship... surrender... you've lost. (Irrisponsible Captain Tylor, Yamato)

If you had to choose between the two teenage girls and a female assassin or a secret cabal of the Mafia... side with the girls (Noir)

Everyone- everyone- can fight with a katana.

Americans speak perfect Japanese but suck at English.

Panties either always or never find a way to be seen.

Emotions are tangible.

Vaginas don't exist during transformation scenes.

Only one song plays on the radio. Over and over again. 24 hours per day. No one gets tired of hearing it.

Tentacle monsters get what they want.

Girls naturally secrete spirit glue from their skin, enabling them to wear clothing that has frustrated female cosplayers outside Japan since 1981.

- Aside from the rest of the Earth minus Japan, in every place in the universe the culture, cuisine, social norms, method of fighting, etc. are Japanese.

- Old men are about 1' tall.

- A fight between two men, for whatever reason, including but not limited to the survival or domination of the universe, saving a girl, conquering godhood, and so on, will always become a pride fight of winning over one's own limitations after two seconds.

- If someone acts like a nutcase, they may be one, but they're certainly an useful nutcase with many skills.

- Whoever is able to change reality as they please will always neglect to do so when it's about simple things such as a past in which their love died or the destruction of an inhabited planet.

- The hero is either too rude or too shy to get a woman. Yet he gets her anyways.

- The best relationships of love begin as a couple that dislikes each other forced together by the situation.

- The second best ones involve a proportion of one male for every 8 females.

- There's always a young person that lost a parent.

- When someone calmly orders you to do something absurd, they are neither crazy nor joking, and it works.

The antagonist will always wait half an hour while the hero debates what to do about the problem with his friends, never taking advantage of the opportunity to just kill them.

People in general will stand around doing nothing, even when in mortal danger.

Everything is possible. Everything.

We learn from Anime that nobody who shouldn't be locked up watches Anime.

We learn from Anime that nobody who shouldn't be locked up watches Anime.

...

So anyone who watches any form of Anime should be locked up?! :(

...

So anyone who watches any form of Anime should be locked up?! :(No; logical fallacy.

We learn from anime that

- People have natural hair colour other than black even though they are Japanese

- People can now shrink to a little doll figurine when feeling embarrase

- The hero can never die

-people have the ability to make a giant sweatdrop out of nowhere

- at least one out of 10 girls have gigantic, ernomous, mammoth, humogous size boobs

- the villian always catches the hero, blabbed his plan to take over the world, then leave him to die a slow and pityful death when it is easier to just stab him. The hero will always escape

- Hero sentenced to die always have their excuetion delayed long enough for the hero to arrive

- girls are evil

We learn from Anime that nobody who shouldn't be locked up watches Anime.

ZOMG, Hitler watched anime! :eek:

- Even though the Japanese caste system, in which hairstyle was a method to recognize the class to which an individual belonged, ended a long time ago, people still use scarves over their heads not to be recognized when spying. Their faces, however, are clearly visible.

- In medieval Japan - and, indeed, in other medieval places as well - it was common for women's outfits to cover about as much skin as the ones of nowadays, if not less.

- Even the most evil mass-murderer follows the law of bushido with regards of facing enemies one-on-one as opposed to ganging up. Their less evil underlings, however, break that code frequently, which invariably results in them getting beaten up or killed.

- People that are male, adult and weak invariably get killed for being around the powerful ones, sometimes by trivial things such as the air pressure from a punch thrown a few feet away. Conversely, weak women and children will survive a meteor crash point blank if they're around strong people.

- About 20% of the opponents will require, as ways to be defeated, skills that are completely unrelated to fighting, including but not limited to synchronized dancing, cooking, physics, and so on and so forth.