H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
10-09-2006, 08:11
Since it seems that everyone else has set about forming political movements to factionalize NS further isolate their followers in a bid to increase their own personal cults of personality, I have decided to throw my own brain-child into the ring. Behold the most wonderful:
HELTER SKELTER PARTY!
“We’re not as crazy as the name sounds. Well, almost not,”
Songwriters are very clever people, as evidenced by the fact that they have money. Songwriters have also been at their jobs for a very long time and been very prolific during this time, therefore it is logical to assume that the correct answer to every question the human mind can fathom has already been proposed in verse.
To this end, the Helter Skelter Party’s primary goal is to insure that all legislation, arbitration, personal decisions, and grooming habits shall be decided based solely upon the (mis)interpretation of song lyrics.
1. A military shall be formed immediately, consisting primarily of the disabled. Though the blind are preferable, the elderly and wheelchair bound will also serve.
1a. The military shall also be composed only of males as only males are suitable for fighting, females shall take a whole lot of drugs and have lesbian sex
2. Shit shall, under no circumstances, be taken. Therefore, all sanitary services are to be stopped at once and the sewer systems (where present) shall be disassembled.
3. All Prisons shall be relocated to Jacksonville, Tennessee. Prisoners there shall be beaten with rubber hoses regularly.
4. All kids shall be issued firearms; this will sate their desires and make them well-adjusted and normal, just like Republicans.
5. One may do whatever they want, provided that they possess a four-leaf clover.
6. The color red shall no longer be used to denote emergency lights. From now on, emergency doors shall be indicated by black light.
7. The official animal shall be the walrus. Excepting those days when it is the egg man. Also excepting those days when it is both simultaneously.
8. Caring is an “unclean” activity, thus the masses shall not engage in it. Instead, specially appointed people shall devote their lives to caring about random things. These “Care Bearers” shall be isolated from human society so that they won’t filthy someone else with their concern.
9. Running shall be banned. All those caught running shall have their hearts removed in order to force their corpses to settle down.
NSers, if we join together and spend a sufficient amount of bored scanning through our CD collections, we can, as one, bring this once-great forum down to the ground, and make it into some sort of second-rate banana republic.
And that is an aim we can all be proud of.
HELTER SKELTER PARTY!
“We’re not as crazy as the name sounds. Well, almost not,”
Songwriters are very clever people, as evidenced by the fact that they have money. Songwriters have also been at their jobs for a very long time and been very prolific during this time, therefore it is logical to assume that the correct answer to every question the human mind can fathom has already been proposed in verse.
To this end, the Helter Skelter Party’s primary goal is to insure that all legislation, arbitration, personal decisions, and grooming habits shall be decided based solely upon the (mis)interpretation of song lyrics.
1. A military shall be formed immediately, consisting primarily of the disabled. Though the blind are preferable, the elderly and wheelchair bound will also serve.
1a. The military shall also be composed only of males as only males are suitable for fighting, females shall take a whole lot of drugs and have lesbian sex
2. Shit shall, under no circumstances, be taken. Therefore, all sanitary services are to be stopped at once and the sewer systems (where present) shall be disassembled.
3. All Prisons shall be relocated to Jacksonville, Tennessee. Prisoners there shall be beaten with rubber hoses regularly.
4. All kids shall be issued firearms; this will sate their desires and make them well-adjusted and normal, just like Republicans.
5. One may do whatever they want, provided that they possess a four-leaf clover.
6. The color red shall no longer be used to denote emergency lights. From now on, emergency doors shall be indicated by black light.
7. The official animal shall be the walrus. Excepting those days when it is the egg man. Also excepting those days when it is both simultaneously.
8. Caring is an “unclean” activity, thus the masses shall not engage in it. Instead, specially appointed people shall devote their lives to caring about random things. These “Care Bearers” shall be isolated from human society so that they won’t filthy someone else with their concern.
9. Running shall be banned. All those caught running shall have their hearts removed in order to force their corpses to settle down.
NSers, if we join together and spend a sufficient amount of bored scanning through our CD collections, we can, as one, bring this once-great forum down to the ground, and make it into some sort of second-rate banana republic.
And that is an aim we can all be proud of.