NationStates Jolt Archive

Touring bands only - saying that your mate Johnny from the flat's band are rubbish isn't really interesting.


I've seen plenty of shockingly bad bands in my time, the problem here is that I have probably erected mental blocks to save myself from the memory of the worst. A great many were just bland and pointless, but there were also the disturbingly wrong-headed, hideously incompetent and just profoundly wrong bands.

Necrosadistic Goat Torture from Germany are somewhere on my list: pointless growling and guitar wanking coming from a band who were clearly split into at least three different camps and were waging psychological warfare on each other before, after and during their set. I'm surprised they never actually got to the point of punching each other midsong.

Oh yes: Cerebrus Shoal - american hippy wank with neither drive, melody, nor redeeming features. I knew it was a seriously _bad_ sign when they erected a clothesline on stage and started to hang out rustic plainsdweller clothing on it before they began to play. Their vapid and needless noodling almost drove me to stabbing them.

There are others, and I'm not afraid to name and shame.

EDIT: Zounds, circa 1998. The heights of corpse buggery. Now Zounds were a good band in their time, and their downbeat punkrock dirges still have a place in my heart, but I really really didn't need to see one bloke from the band and two hired hands play under-rehearsed and slightly changed versions of them. Lifeless and soul-destroying. There comes a time in any musician's life when you have to consider hanging up your guitar and getting a job in the civil service. The chap from Zounds clearly made the wrong choice.

Eskimo Joe. Ugh. Possibly the most boring hour of my life.

Phil Lesh and friends. God that man's singing sucks.

Eskimo Joe. Ugh. Possibly the most boring hour of my life.

A quick check of their website suggests they fell through a timewarp from the lower reaches of the pop charts from 1981. I feel your pain.

What possessed you to see them?

Phil Lesh and friends. God that man's singing sucks.

Was 'ex-member of the Grateful Dead's solo project' not sufficient warning?

Bob Dylan when he obviously did not want to be on a stage playing. Jerk.

My girlfriend dragged me to see Panic! at the disco

A quick check of their website suggests they fell through a timewarp from the lower reaches of the pop charts from 1981. I feel your pain.

What possessed you to see them?

Eh, it was at a festival. I don't think there was anything else of note on at the time (it was early on in the day).

Spyro Gyra...I was just getting into jazz at the time and wasted time with fusion, until I went to that concert and compared it withe The Count Basie Band (led by Frank Foster) and decided that it was crap.

Spyro Gyra...I was just getting into jazz at the time and wasted time with fusion, until I went to that concert and compared it withe The Count Basie Band (led by Frank Foster) and decided that it was crap.

It's like drugs. Big Band and swing are like marijuana and lead you onto the heavier stuff, before you know it you're experimenting with be-bop, snorting cool and mainling freeform. You keep telling yourself you can stop any time you want, but you're still itching for that obscure Ornete Coleman b-side. Pretty soon you end up lying in the gutter begging for money to buy your latest fix of french experimentalist fusion. Jazz is fucking you insane.

I don't know about the worst band ever, but I can tell you that Motörhead sucked at the Metal 2000 festival: 45 minute sound check by an old, fat roady who did nothing but speak "Testing 1, 2..." into the mic for 45 minutes straight. And then Motörhead came on stage, played as long as the fat guy testing the mic and they sucked big time. I don't know what was wrong with them that day, but that was highly disappointing. Besides, what is there to test for 45 minutes? All that Motörhead does is crank up the volume after each song...

Slayer kicked ass, Iron Maiden was brilliant, and even some of the other bands I forgot were better than Lemmy and pals.

Was 'ex-member of the Grateful Dead's solo project' not sufficient warning?

Yes it was, but I remembered how much fun Grateful Dead parking lots were, and I thought it might be a good time despite the music.

It's like drugs. Big Band and swing are like marijuana and lead you onto the heavier stuff, before you know it you're experimenting with be-bop, snorting cool and mainling freeform. You keep telling yourself you can stop any time you want, but you're still itching for that obscure Ornete Coleman b-side. Pretty soon you end up lying in the gutter begging for money to buy your latest fix of french experimentalist fusion. Jazz is fucking you insane.
That's sigworthy!

It's like drugs. Big Band and swing are like marijuana and lead you onto the heavier stuff, before you know it you're experimenting with be-bop, snorting cool and mainling freeform. You keep telling yourself you can stop any time you want, but you're still itching for that obscure Ornete Coleman b-side. Pretty soon you end up lying in the gutter begging for money to buy your latest fix of french experimentalist fusion. Jazz is fucking you insane.
OMG, you and Ctoan are a match made in heaven. You even write like each other. :eek:

I don't know about the worst band ever, but I can tell you that Motörhead sucked at the Metal 2000 festival...

I'm still not convinced by the Kiss Of Death LP. Inferno was a quality slab, but this last one just sounds like the moanings and gripings of a tired old man.

Spyro Gyra...I was just getting into jazz at the time and wasted time with fusion, until I went to that concert and compared it withe The Count Basie Band (led by Frank Foster) and decided that it was crap.

I think live jazz is supposed to suck 2/3 of the time.. some kind of rule is involved, but I don't know the details.. :confused: Perhaps to make you appreciate the real stuff more.

I'm still not convinced by the Kiss Of Death LP. Inferno was a quality slab, but this last one just sounds like the moanings and gripings of a tired old man.
I haven't gotten myself to buying that one yet. I haven't even gone to the store to listen to it first - so I really don't know about the new one.

I think live jazz is supposed to suck 2/3 of the time..

Or quite possibly 7/4 of the time, changing to 5/4 during the bridge, but for the chorus the bass is sucking 3/4 of the time, while the horns are sucking 9/8 of the time and the drums sre sucking in some weird twisted 11/4. Then there comes a key change...

It's like drugs. Big Band and swing are like marijuana and lead you onto the heavier stuff, before you know it you're experimenting with be-bop, snorting cool and mainling freeform. You keep telling yourself you can stop any time you want, but you're still itching for that obscure Ornete Coleman b-side. Pretty soon you end up lying in the gutter begging for money to buy your latest fix of french experimentalist fusion. Jazz is fucking you insane.
Quality.

I think live jazz is supposed to suck 2/3 of the time.. some kind of rule is involved, but I don't know the details.. :confused: Perhaps to make you appreciate the real stuff more.

That's only when the instruments have to be plugged in [/snobby purist]

OMG, you and Ctoan are a match made in heaven. You even write like each other. :eek:
Maybe they ARE each other.
Invasion of the body snatchers! flee!

I'm a college student. I have very little money. Actual touring bands concerts cost a lot of money. I have not been to a concert. I am cheap.

Maybe they ARE each other.
Invasion of the body snatchers! flee!
Well, we know who got the organs. :p

Worst touring punk bands: Screamer, Oxymoron and Varukers. All of these fit very nicely into the I am in hell. Make it stop. category.

Yeah, I know that Screamer were meant to be a cider-quaffing gutterpunk band but there comes a point when the schtick just ain't amusing any more. I feel somewhat bad slagging Zero Tolerance as the lead singer died about two days after I saw them, but really it was all just a shambolic and pointless display of all that was worst of the London punk scene. Oxymoron... now I don't mind a touch of street music or Oi! music, but their hearts really weren't in it that night and if I just wanted to see a bunch of chaps going through the motions I'd chose a bunch of chaps going through at least vaguely interesting motions. Heck, even DIRT at their worst or Herb Garden seemed strangely compelling compared to this slack assemblage of Scandinavian(?) or possibly German(?) ne'erdowells. The Varukers - they fit pretty nicely into the category I derscribed for Zoundz - one original bloke and a troupe of hired hands. Needless. Just pure needless.

Not to suggest that a band having a bad night makes my list of teh 5uckage - I've seen Leatherface when they would clearly have been much happier sitting quietly drinking cups of tea and watching Emmerdale Farm, but still and all there remained something vital and compelling about them.

More to come later: as I say I have seen a great deal of shite in my time.

Grrr damned girlfriend liking My Chemical Romance at the time (sorted that out now!) grrr!

I'm a college student. I have very little money. Actual touring bands concerts cost a lot of money. I have not been to a concert. I am cheap.

Tisch and Pschaw. Touring underground bands in the UK cost about £3 which works out as about $6 or so. I am pretty sure that you could see touring bands in the Colonies for that price.

Never having been to a concert leaves me shocked and amazed. Hint: it sounds a hell of a lot better when it ain't forced to fight its way through your* crappy four inch speaker cones at home.




* Disclaimer: no offense intended to you or your stereo system here, but live music is just a world apart from recorded music, and in limiting yourself to listening at home or to DJ's you are cutting yourself off from a vital human experience of the 20th/21st century. It is not so much a case of you being cheap as a case of you cutting off your nose to spite your face, in my opinion.

Thornley. They could play okay but no one was moving. You had 200 13-28 year olds standing there yawning, not even bobing their heads. But it was free and I had nothing better to do and it makes me appriciate the good concerts so much more.

Thornley.

*Listens to the tune they streamed on their website*

Four bars in: this sucks.

Eight bars in: no, this really sucks

Twelve bars in: Hello, is there any reason to produce this pablum, nevermind make it publicly available?

Sixteen bars in with the introduction of the vocal line: Screw this, this is the aural equivalent of stuffing a mushroom and my life is really getting far too short to piss it away in this fashion.

Corrosion of Conformity.

I can't even describe the misery they put me through waiting for them to finish their set. And the worst part, they were opening for a really good band, so it was either lose my spot front and center or suffer.

Corrosion of Conformity.

I can't even describe the misery they put me through waiting for them to finish their set. And the worst part, they were opening for a really good band, so it was either lose my spot front and center or suffer.

Their early recordings were of some interest, if I remember correctly. For whom were they opening?

Their early recordings were of some interest, if I remember correctly. For whom were they opening?

Disturbed. And Opiate for the Masses was the first opener, so I think the folks at Jagermeister were thinking "Yeah.. just sandwich the crappy band in the middle and maybe they won't notice." Suck.

Tisch and Pschaw. Touring underground bands in the UK cost about £3 which works out as about $6 or so. I am pretty sure that you could see touring bands in the Colonies for that price.

indeed you can. in fact, i always feel slightly ripped off if i have to pay more than $15, unless it's somebody amazing. i often waver on paying $30 for warped tour, and that's an all day affair with countless thousands* of bands.

* ok, maybe it's closer to a hundred

Probably Papa Roach...right after their first CD came out. They were opening for Powerman 5000 and Korn (both of whom are quite good live)...Papa Roach, well...not so much.

Aside from them, probably Black Label Society... a lot of people seem to like them, but I honestly don't see what the fuss is about.

Tisch and Pschaw. Touring underground bands in the UK cost about £3 which works out as about $6 or so. I am pretty sure that you could see touring bands in the Colonies for that price.

Never having been to a concert leaves me shocked and amazed. Hint: it sounds a hell of a lot better when it ain't forced to fight its way through your* crappy four inch speaker cones at home.




* Disclaimer: no offense intended to you or your stereo system here, but live music is just a world apart from recorded music, and in limiting yourself to listening at home or to DJ's you are cutting yourself off from a vital human experience of the 20th/21st century. It is not so much a case of you being cheap as a case of you cutting off your nose to spite your face, in my opinion.
I know that I regret not being able to go, but right now fiscal responsibility takes precedence, and it would be awesome if I had a car stereo system to take offense. I don't. I sold my car for tuition.

Yeah. I'm cheap. But I don't have any goddam debt, so I'm willing to trade a bit of luxuries for avoiding potential fiscal hardships.

I saw Puddle of Mudd opening for Korn in Frankufurt at the Jarhhunderthalle in 2002, and they really sucked. Korn puts on a hell of a show, but Puddle of Mudd was almost thrown off of the stage. Trust Co. did well enough.

Yeah. I'm cheap. But I don't have any goddam debt, so I'm willing to trade a bit of luxuries for avoiding potential fiscal hardships.

How I envy you. I've got 10k in debt and I'm in my junior undergrad year. 2 down, 6 to go for that doctorate.

How I envy you. I've got 10k in debt and I'm in my junior undergrad year. 2 down, 6 to go for that doctorate.

It's not easy, and it gets a bit wooly at times, but it works. And if I need someone to cover my ass, I've got friends and family who can help out, and my scholarships are gifts from on high, practically.

I don't think I'll be able to make it through law school without loans though.

Worst "band" I ever saw was this awful Aussie guy who used to gig around the pub and bar scene here in Osaka. He could play and sing alright sober, but he was a total drunk, and sucked donkey balls when drinking. 1st time I saw him, I thought it was just a one off. Second time, he was booed off stage, and he so staggeringly drunk, he actually had to have help getting off the stage. Fortunately, both were free gigs.

It's like drugs. Big Band and swing are like marijuana and lead you onto the heavier stuff, before you know it you're experimenting with be-bop, snorting cool and mainling freeform. You keep telling yourself you can stop any time you want, but you're still itching for that obscure Ornete Coleman b-side. Pretty soon you end up lying in the gutter begging for money to buy your latest fix of french experimentalist fusion. Jazz is fucking you insane.

First live Jazz performance I ever saw was The Woodlands Jazz Festival back in 1990. The headliner was Miles Davis. Hooked me just as hard as mainlining pure, uncut China white.

They were opening

Totally reminds me. Way back when, before someone tried to package The Cherry Poppin' Daddies as a swing band just in time for even people who liked it to be sick of it, the Daddies where opening for Skankin' Pickle (who where cool) but the band that opened for the Daddies was this little pretentious band from Sacramento called Cake. And goddamn where they awful. I thought that was truly going to be the last that we would ever see or hear from them again. Turned out to not be the case. (probably because they had the good sense not to allow themselves to be packaged as part of a dying trend...but anyway...)

More proof that no good can come out of Sacramento. "But CToaN, don't you originally come out of Sacramento?" Close enough, and really kind of proves my point...

I went to Ozzfest 2001, and almost all the bands on that one sucked majorly.

Excluding that though, the worst bands I've seen live are probably the following:

1. Full Blown Chaos. I saw them opening for Sepultura and Voivod, and boy did they suck. Their music was muddy crap, and they were a bunch of dickheads from New York, the kind that give other New Yorkers a bad name. At least I think that was them. My brain sometimes blocks out or muddles bad memories.

2. Himsa. Their music isn't actually all that bad, but live they were just like every other crappy boring-ass metalcore band.

3. Goatwhore. Insulting your audience pisses me off, especially when I'm a part of that audience. Fuckers.

I really haven't seen too many bands to have had such a disappointing experience. Probably the most disappointing was Macabre. Musically, they were actually pretty good, but gore lyrics suck, and the douchebag singer gave intros to most of the songs.

Gwar aren't very good, either. If you wanna have a show, that's fine, but don't put more into the show than you have in the music.

I saw Linkin Park live, and man, they were awful.

First live Jazz performance I ever saw was The Woodlands Jazz Festival back in 1990. The headliner was Miles Davis. Hooked me just as hard as mainlining pure, uncut China white.

Ive been dealing with a long-term Herbie Hancock addiction.

I was doing pretty well, hadnt played "Man-Child" in a long time...
Then I was a little high a while ago..and put on Mwandishi.....

The Steve Miller Band....Was the most boaring concert i ever saw