NationStates Jolt Archive

A few friends of mine are getting together tonight, and we're all fans of MST3K, well tonight we want a film that we can make fun of etc. However none of us cannot come up with one. Well I did, but it's not Christmas. (the film was "It's a Wonderful Life.") So suggest onto us, a crappy movie we can make fun of!

21 grams?

We also thought of those old Godzilla movies.

My nephew and I had a running MST3Kish dialog going through The Sound of Music that we were forced to watch with my wife and his 3 sisters.

I'm rather certain we ended up enjoying ourselves more than they did, well, they seemed rather angry, which is odd, since they always told us how much they enjoy that movie...

My nephew and I had a running MST3Kish dialog going through The Sound of Music that we were forced to watch with my wife and his 3 sisters.

I'm rather certain we ended up enjoying ourselves more than they did, well, they seemed rather angry, which is odd, since they always told us how much they enjoy that movie...

God, not that horrible! lol.

I remember last Christmas my dad, brother and me did do MST3kish dialog with "It's a Wonderful Life"

We also thought of those old Godzilla movies.

You want Destroy All Monsters if you're going with that theme.

NINJA DRAGON

or Tremors, or something.

Watch Dukes of Hazzard if you want to watch pure crap.

We also thought of those old Godzilla movies.

You want Destroy All Monsters if you're going with that theme.

I love Godzilla movies.


I don't think you'll find a video store that has them, but Gymkata (The Skill of Gymnastics, The Kill of Karate! <-actual tagline) or Megaforce would be the best for that. And with Gymkata you suddenly will get a whole new set of jokes from MST3K, since they would reference that movie from time to time. (I'm no completist, for all I know they actually did that movie at some point.)


EDIT: Oh! And I just re-watched Tron, which while I loved does lend itself to comment.

Star Wars

Uwe.

Is that his name?

Godzilla Vs Megalon
Killer Bats(1940's) with Bela Legosi
Drive-In Massacre---Probaly one of the worst flicks I've ever seen
Blood Feast
1950's Sci-fi/Horror

Uwe.

Is that his name?

Uwe Boll, that's it. But he might start clawing at his face to cancel the pain...

EDIT: He can be seen here (
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjM2w5FOPQw) fighting a Spanish film critic in the first of a series of him boxing people who bag on him on the internet.

Quality...

any film can be MST3K'd. Just have fun...

any film can be MST3K'd. Just have fun...

Hotel Rwanda? :eek:

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

watch exploitation films like: switchblade sisters, foxy brown, shaft or any of the 1980's Kung Fu films like: Lady Snowblood, Shogun: Assassin

EDIT: He can be seen here (
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjM2w5FOPQw) fighting a Spanish film critic in the first of a series of him boxing people who bag on him on the internet.

lol.
You know, Lowtax from Somethingawful has accepted the challenge. That's something to look forward to.

Hotel Rwanda? :eek:haven't seen it, but why not?

watch exploitation films like: switchblade sisters, foxy brown, shaft or any of the 1980's Kung Fu films like: Lady Snowblood, Shogun: Assassinerrr.. those last two are Samurai films... ;)


also any horror type. like Halloween, Freddy kruger... the best MST movies are those that are not already comedies.

Squirm. I love making fun of that movie. "I gotta soooooprise!"

haven't seen it, but why not?
I don't think my mind can think hard enough to laugh at genocide!

I don't think my mind can think hard enough to laugh at genocide!

Lolocaust

Vampires vs. Zombies

Quite possibly the worst movie I have ever had the misfortune of seeing.

http://www.geocities.com/phantomfilm0/Vampiresvszombies.html

Lolocaust

You know that Lolcoaster and that skates one?

Guess what ascii image just popped into my head. :eek:

Rookies! :rolleyes: ;)


There can only be two!

Master works by the governator

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065832/

and Lou the hulk ferrigno

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085672/

Off the top of my head: Total Recall.

I would recommend Dead Alive.

There's enough cheese in this movie to make a fondue for everyone in New Zeland.

My girlfriend and her brother and I had a lot of fun doing that to Attack of the Clones.

"Ah! I must pout and show my extreme displeasure."

Get the movie
"They are among us" if you like making fun of a movie that tries so hard to be scary and have a good plot, yet is the most confusing, horribly plotted, acted, science fiction movie EVER!!!!!

Off the top of my head: Total Recall.

*slap!*

Get yer ass to Mars!

(really, the nerve of dissing Total Recall... damn kids and their new-fangled movies with no appreciation of the 80's and early 90's.... ramble-ramble-ramble...)

My girlfriend and her brother and I had a lot of fun doing that to Attack of the Clones.

"Ah! I must pout and show my extreme displeasure."
"Did you just come back from wiping out an entire tribe in anger? Let's get naked..."

I don't think my mind can think hard enough to laugh at genocide!
[not knowing any of the scenes... so making one up in my head.]


"It's horrible... truly tragic... the devistation is just awful..
Dammit, they should've been warned that Gigli opened last night..."

[not knowing any of the scenes... so making one up in my head.]


"It's horrible... truly tragic... the devistation is just awful..
Dammit, they should've been warned that Gigli opened last night..."

There was a scene where hundreds of bodies were scattered on the road!

There was a scene where hundreds of bodies were scattered on the road!

conditions of the bodies?

of course such a movie would lend itself to Morbid Humor ala Mst3k.

conditions of the bodies?

of course such a movie would lend itself to Morbid Humor ala Mst3k.

All that kona is messing with your brain!

It's a really good movie, but I'd love to challenge someone to hum0rz it. ;)

[hint hint]

All that kona is messing with your brain!

It's a really good movie, but I'd love to challenge someone to hum0rz it. ;)

[hint hint]

let me go and find it, and I'll do it.

you must realize that Morbid humor isn't for everyone. ;)

btw.. if the bodies are in various positions but with no visible wounds... indicating gunshots, explostions, stabbings... then my Gigli reference still works...

or if you wish... "these people only recently heard that their town would host the next G8 Conference and that GW Bush was on his way right now."

"these people only recently heard that their town would host the next G8 Conference and that GW Bush was on his way right now."

And I am now laughing!

Damnit, you did it.

"Did you just come back from wiping out an entire tribe in anger? Let's get naked..."

"Genocide is teh hawt! Especially with a virginal two-pump chump. That ain't the force you're feeling down there, baby."

Ghost Ship. It's easily one of the shittiest fucking movies of all time.

That, or Carrie 2: The Rage....my friends and I started grading it --- plus or minus points for random shit....out of the 100 it started with, I think we ended at 23...

A few friends of mine are getting together tonight, and we're all fans of MST3K, well tonight we want a film that we can make fun of etc. However none of us cannot come up with one. Well I did, but it's not Christmas. (the film was "It's a Wonderful Life.") So suggest onto us, a crappy movie we can make fun of!How about Titanic?

Okay,

Hillside Cannibals
King of the Lost World
Snakes On A Train
666: The Child
Howling III: The Marsupials

If you want painfully crappy, then go with:

Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation.

The first movie was built on camp, but tasteful camp. The second one was built on total shit. I was in physical pain when I watched this movie. It made me physically ill, and I did not recover for nearly a week. MST3K this at your own risk, but it certainly can be MST3K'd

MST3K this at your own risk, but it certainly can be MST3K'd

Yeah, but the risk of turning into a vegetable is too high...!

For a double-craptacular feature that debases video games without the demented dimwit Uwe Boll behind the camera:

The live action Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

The first, a cinematic crapsterpiece that cost the world Class A actor Raul Julia, and would have killed off the careers of everyone else- had they a semblance of such to begin with. Okay, that was excessively cruel to everyone except Jean Claude Van-Duh.

The second, an even shittier waste of celluloid that had me squinting my eyes shut through almost the whole film only because I had company and it would have been asshattish to leave them to suffer. The blatant and gorgonzola-cheesy inside references to the game mechanics would have had me puking if my stomach wasn't empty.

If these two don't make you contemplate suicide, rich MST material.

I'm the king of bad movies. If you choose from these (if you can find them)

Troll 2
Manos: the hands of fate
Shark attack 3: Megaladon
All Steven Segal movies
Prayer of the Roller Boys

Troll 2 IS the worst movie of all time, buy that if you see it.

Ultraviolet. The singularly most crappiest crappy piece of crap movie I have ever had the misfortune to sit through. Only time i wanted to walk out of a movie. Great one to pick apart for any reason and in all seasons.

"Genocide is teh hawt! Especially with a virginal two-pump chump. That ain't the force you're feeling down there, baby."

Meanwhile we're left to wonder why if the storm troopers where cloned from a bad ass, why did they suck so bad in 20 short years...

Shark attack 3: Megaladon
That has 'The Line!' fantastic!

NINJA DRAGON

or Tremors, or something.
Yeah Tremors.;)

I once watched this crappy movie about the whole Narnia crap. It's pretty recent, but it's not the new one. I'll describe some of it:

-The lion could blurt out entire sentences just by opening his mouth. He never closed it before his sentence was done. I mean, wow. Usually, coherent and understandable sentences with great structure would require more jaw and lip motion than a yawn. Not this time. No, sir. It's just "Open mouth. half sentence. Mouth fully open. other half of sentence. Mouth now closed."

-The characters lacked any likeable personality traits to compensate for their flaws. Edmond was an ass. The youngest had an ugly face and a voice that could drive the deaf insane. I also think witch was a typo, but it was only off by one letter. Nobody in the audience mourned the temporary death of the lion. No sir. People were cheering. I guess, there was some mourning when they learned that it wasn't over yet.

-Some of the explanations made no sense. "If she was only gone for a second, how could she have made up all that?". What? She might be what we in the real world call "damn liar". Don't think it's possible? Listen to my older, less mature brother explain where he was literally all night(sundown to sun-up). Then, listen to him explain why he went to the strip club if he doesn't want to see naked chicks. Then, you'll be rivoted by his tale of the job he "had" for weeks that did not pay him yet.

Another explanation is how Narnia time is different from our time. I'm sure that's true, but if they were adults in Narnia, how did they suddenly turn back into kids when they left? He doesn't even bother making up something for that.

Fortunately, I left enough plotholes undiscovered for you if you find out what the hell I am talking about and watch it.

I'm the king of bad movies. If you choose from these (if you can find them)

Troll 2
Manos: the hands of fate
Shark attack 3: Megaladon
All Steven Segal movies
Prayer of the Roller Boys

Troll 2 IS the worst movie of all time, buy that if you see it.


Troll 2 is not the worst movie of all time.

However, Manos: The Hands of Fate, comes close.

Oy, God...the suck.

This film is nearly unwatchable in any form except the MST3K version.
Its so bad, its not even funny...it can however, be enjoyed with a room of people who all enjoy Golden Turds.

However, the absolute worst film I have thus far seen (some of you know of my quest to the THE worst horror film), is Robot Monster.

I cannot describe how painfully awful this film is.
Even the dialogue is horrid, let alone the acting, plot, and evil killer bubble machine....
Not to mention the penis-headed-in-divers helmet-martian in a gorrilla suit, villian.

This may be the worst ever, even worse that Manos.

King of the Zombies, is horrid.

Jesse James meets Frankenstein's Daughter was particularly crappy.

Bride of the Monster was so bad, even Bela Lugosi couldnt save it.

Orgy of the Dead, (Ed Wood), is possibly the worst one he ever made.
It stars Criswell the Incredibly Gay Vampire as the lord of Hell, who makes young nubile (and recently dead) women dance nekkid for him, and then they are Judged, and thier fate decided.

So very bad.

Jesse James meets Frankenstein's Daughter was particularly crappy.



That just engenius. It's the kind of name you'd think you'd need dice to come up with...

However, the absolute worst film I have thus far seen (some of you know of my quest to the THE worst horror film), is Robot Monster.

I cannot describe how painfully awful this film is.
Even the dialogue is horrid, let alone the acting, plot, and evil killer bubble machine....
Not to mention the penis-headed-in-divers helmet-martian in a gorrilla suit, villian.

This may be the worst ever, even worse that Manos.

*takes a bow for having recommended said movie to Backwoods*

Nice to see my life hasn't been a total waste.

btw, Backwoods might I suggest to you (and indeed to the OP):

"Abducted by the Daleks"

A soft porn romp thru the dark woods with three chicks who decide 1/2 way thru that:
1. They're lesbian, but only up to fondling each others breasts and doing a weird (assumably) erotic dance around each other, and:
2. Taking their clothes off in a dark scary forest in the middle of the night while being chased is a totally excellent idea.
3. the best thing to do when one of your party mysteriously disappears in a dark scary forest in the middle of the night is NOT, as one would naturally assume, retrace your steps and look for her. Nope. The best thing to do if you're a couple of hot chicks is do step #1, above.

One of the weirdest and funniest bits is when one of them is being interviewed in the police station. She sits there stark naked the entire time the cops are interogating her. And yet all of them (cops and naked chick) act normal, like there's nothing odd about the situation. No-one offers her a blanket, nor does she ask for one.

And, of course, there's daleks (proper BBC ones) groping them with their sink plungers. Terry Nation's estate (Terry's the guy who created the Daleks) were very unimpressed. They came out saying that, "Daleks don't do porn"

Almost impossible to find, cause BBC (oddly enough) decided it wasn't kosher and forced the makers to withdraw the flick.
One can find it on Shareaza if one was so inclined.
Aparently.
And technically, it's not stealing, cause you can't buy it anywhere.

Frankenstein Conquers the Universe!

It was supposed to be Frankenstein vs Godzilla, but Toho decided, "You know what? It turns out we do have standards..." so he fought an anonymous lizard. And encountered one of those riding toys from supermarkets in their natural enviroment.

That won't make sense unless you see it.

That just engenius. It's the kind of name you'd think you'd need dice to come up with...

Or "The BROWN acid", perhaps.

Firstly, it turns out that it wasnt even really his daughter.

It was his Grand-Daughter.

Secondly, .......what?

Too lame to be a western, and too gay to be a horror movie, this steaming pile of film is tedious.

Apparently carrying on the family work, shes after Jesse James' big muscular friend, who apparently graduated from the William Shatner School of Peforming Arts.

Its a hard to get through film, that isnt even funny-bad.

*takes a bow for having recommended said movie to Backwoods.


Indeed, Im not sure whether to thank you, or have you shot.

Immediately after watching it, I would have chosen "shot", but now, Im pretty sure im grateful for its recommendation.

Its been very hard to find a film WORSE than that one.

I can find "almost as bad", or "close to as bad", but I have yet to find a worse film.

Im not sure if I could make it through it again.

Evil Cat, as I have reccomended before, is truely a spectacle of 80's, kung fu delight.
Hannibal was also unbelievably terrible. I still can't quite figure out why all these (presumably intelligent people) who know that the man is a violent psychopath keep turning their back on him/approaching him unarmed.
That and the Magick Pigs in the end who only attack when it is an important plot point for them to do so.

Indeed, Im not sure whether to thank you, or have you shot.

Immediately after watching it, I would have chosen "shot", but now, Im pretty sure im grateful for its recommendation.

Its been very hard to find a film WORSE than that one.

I can find "almost as bad", or "close to as bad", but I have yet to find a worse film.

Im not sure if I could make it through it again.
"Robot Monster" akin to a virus that makes you want to share it with everyone you know.
It's soooo bad, you just know no-one will believe you the depths of suckiness until they actually sit down to watch it. It thus becomes your mission to educate others less (or should that be more?) fortunate than yourself - to have them see
THE.
WORST.
MOVIE.
EVER.
MADE.



One could almost write a short story about that: An alien virus that replicates itself and attacks humans through watching a movie, and having watched the movie the person goes around recommending it to everyone else.
Kinda like 'bodysnatchers' meets 'The Ring'.

Yeah, but the risk of turning into a vegetable is too high...!

I survived, barely.

Pulp Fiction FTW!

I'm the king of bad movies. If you choose from these (if you can find them)

Troll 2
Manos: the hands of fate
Shark attack 3: Megaladon
All Steven Segal movies
Prayer of the Roller Boys

Troll 2 IS the worst movie of all time, buy that if you see it.

No, no, no...those are definitely bad, but I'm afraid you fail, my friend.

1. Mars Needs Women (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060672/)
2. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058548/)

And the single worst movie ever made...

3. Plan 9 From Outer Space (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052077/)

All hail the true king of bad movies! :p

Two absolutely terrible movies.

Dollman vs the Demonic Toys (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106743/)

Biker Zombies from Detroit (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298250/)

edit: I forgot Surf Nazis Must Die (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094077/)

http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom

Take your pick.

I suggest Phat Girlz.

jesus christ vampire hunter

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/

jesus christ vampire hunter

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/

LOL! I think we have a winner!

This one was pretty bad...and it's certainly MST3K'able...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0149261/

And an added bonus...Samuel L. Jackson gets fucking pwned by a shark. :p

There can be only one worst movie ever:
HIGHLANDER.

There can be only one worst movie ever:
HIGHLANDER.Don't be silly. Nothing tops Plan 9 from Outer Space in being bad.

jesus christ vampire hunter

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/

I watched that once, and I thought it was absolutely hilarious.

There can be only one worst movie ever:
HIGHLANDER.

You forget that that movie had 4 sequels that made the first one look like Citizen Kane.

I like Highlander (dammit) but even if you don't, II is worse.

Teenage Caveman was horrible. It was meant to be "controversial", what with all of the sex scenes and drug use (drinking, too), but it was just executed so poorly.

You really have to see it. It's bad stuff.

Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter is NOT a bad movie.

Its actually frickin hilarious.

Whats not to love about a Metrosexual Jesus, that kung-fu's the "Holy Hell" out of vampires?
Along with his faithful sidekick, "Santos, The Patron Saint of the Wrestling Ring" (Im not kidding)...

Thats comedy.

Its campy enough to be cheeky, and just a touch of zany gore, and a smidge of blasphemy.

Anyone who doesnt like it, probably lost thier sense of humor in a freak rectory accident.

You forget that that movie had 4 sequels that made the first one look like Citizen Kane.

I like Highlander (dammit) but even if you don't, II is worse.

Highlander has one of my favorite sayings by an "Evil Guy"

Clancy Brown as the Kurgan, speaking to a priest:

"He cares for these pathetic mortals?"

Priest to Kurgan:
"Of course he does, he sent his Son to die for thier sins."

Kurgan:

"Ahhh...then that shall be his undoing."

Creepy.

And the single worst movie ever made...

3. Plan 9 From Outer Space (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052077/)

All hail the true king of bad movies! :p

The King is Dead....long live the King.

Anyone who says that Plan 9 is the worst movie ever, is not even Bad Movie Royalty.

Plan 9 is not even Ed Woods worst film, let alone "The Worst Ever."

People often think this becuase its the only Ed Wood film anyone ever remembers.
However, after the "height" of his popularity wore off, and his film career tanked even further, he sank into alchoholism, and depression.
His last few films were little more than titty-flicks with bad rubber masks, bought off the shelf at a dime store.

"Orgy of the Dead" is one such Wood film.

So much worse than Plan 9.

"Robot Monster" akin to a virus that makes you want to share it with everyone you know.
It's soooo bad, you just know no-one will believe you the depths of suckiness until they actually sit down to watch it. It thus becomes your mission to educate others less (or should that be more?) fortunate than yourself - to have them see
THE.
WORST.
MOVIE.
EVER.
MADE.



Oh yes.

No need to suffer alone.

A couple of my closests friends and I (also former NS'ers) are on "The Quest".
I say, If I must subject myself to that kind of cinematic enema, then misery loves company, I say.

Im AFRAID of the movie that will top Robot Monster.

Currently, I inflicted "Manos: The Hands of Fate" on them.

That film is a good contender for the #2 spot.

Now remember, to say that any film is "THE WORST EVER" is saying quite a bit.
There are millions of movies out there, so to say that any one film is THE WORST, is an enormous statement, and so to earn such a mention, the film must be nearly unbearable to watch.

Manos, and Robot Monster are very nearly unbearably bad.
The ONLY thing that will help retain a persons sanity, is the cheese factor.

So when people say something rediculous like "Titanic is TEH WERST EVAR!!1"

No...its an enormously exspensive movie, that kinda sucked.

Its most certainly NOT the Worst Film Ever Made.

and yes...Santa V Martians DOES suck...