NationStates Jolt Archive

A janitor reported to his employer, the police, and hospital staff that he'd been raped by two Samoan men who left a dildo wedged in his hindquarters. Turns out the guy was playing with the dildo and forced it in too deep to retrieve. The guy is now charged with making false police reports and is out on $50,000 bail. Personally I think the humiliation of having his story reported in the media should be punishment enough.

http://www.ocweekly.com/news/news/das-booty/25716/

You know, I think the Rock is part Samoan... Maybe he was lucky he was lying. :eek:

A janitor reported to his employer, the police, and hospital staff that he'd been raped by two Samoan men who left a dildo wedged in his hindquarters. Turns out the guy was playing with the dildo and forced it in too deep to retrieve. The guy is now charged with making false police reports and is out on $50,000 bail. Personally I think the humiliation of having his story reported in the media should be punishment enough.

http://www.ocweekly.com/news/news/das-booty/25716/
The cheeky bugger!!! :eek:

A janitor reported to his employer, the police, and hospital staff that he'd been raped by two Samoan men who left a dildo wedged in his hindquarters. Turns out the guy was playing with the dildo and forced it in too deep to retrieve. The guy is now charged with making false police reports and is out on $50,000 bail. Personally I think the humiliation of having his story reported in the media should be punishment enough.

http://www.ocweekly.com/news/news/das-booty/25716/

*shakes head*

Why do these retard keep inventing stupid stories?

I mean, for the love of Mod, can't they just come to term with their sexuality and flat out say "I was shoving this huge dildo up my ass, you see, and was having so much fun I pushed too far. Now it's stuck. Embarrassing eh?"

Either that or actually buy a decent dildo that's designed correctly and can't be pushed too far to be retrieved.

Either way.

This is why we need better sex ed classes, what kind of generation are we going ot have that doesn't even know how to use a dildo properly?

You know, I think the Rock is part Samoan... Maybe he was lucky he was lying. :eek:

Yeah. I've heard that he is.

This is why we need better sex ed classes, what kind of generation are we going ot have that doesn't even know how to use a dildo properly?

Indeed. So much for all these abstinence-only classes.

*Scoffs at the lack of dildo information in today's classrooms*

Me, while I'm heading west, asleep at Mach 0.83, or 455 miles an hour, or true airspeed, the FBI is bomb-squading my suitcase on a vacated runway back in Dulles. Nine out of ten times, the security task force guy says, the vibration is an electric razor. The other time, it's a vibrating dildo.

Imagine, the task force guy says, telling a passenger on arrival that a dildo kept her baggage on the East Coast. Sometimes it's even a man. It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Use the indefinite article.

A dildo.

Never your dildo.

Never say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.

A dildo activated itself and created an emergency situation that required the evacuating of your baggage.

Never say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.


Hehehehe...good one.

Me, while I'm heading west, asleep at Mach 0.83, or 455 miles an hour, or true airspeed, the FBI is bomb-squading my suitcase on a vacated runway back in Dulles. Nine out of ten times, the security task force guy says, the vibration is an electric razor. The other time, it's a vibrating dildo.

Imagine, the task force guy says, telling a passenger on arrival that a dildo kept her baggage on the East Coast. Sometimes it's even a man. It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Use the indefinite article.

A dildo.

Never your dildo.

Never say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.

A dildo activated itself and created an emergency situation that required the evacuating of your baggage.
Fight club FTW.

A janitor reported to his employer, the police, and hospital staff that he'd been raped by two Samoan men who left a dildo wedged in his hindquarters. Turns out the guy was playing with the dildo and forced it in too deep to retrieve.

"It was a million to one chance, doc! A million to one!"

*blinks*

The mods have stolen the Samoan's dildo from my thread title!

Me, while I'm heading west, asleep at Mach 0.83, or 455 miles an hour, or true airspeed, the FBI is bomb-squading my suitcase on a vacated runway back in Dulles. Nine out of ten times, the security task force guy says, the vibration is an electric razor. The other time, it's a vibrating dildo.

Imagine, the task force guy says, telling a passenger on arrival that a dildo kept her baggage on the East Coast. Sometimes it's even a man. It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Use the indefinite article.

A dildo.

Never your dildo.

Never say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.

A dildo activated itself and created an emergency situation that required the evacuating of your baggage.

Seen Fightclub lately, DK? ;)

Brilliant movie:D

A janitor reported to his employer, the police, and hospital staff that he'd been raped by two Samoan men who left a dildo wedged in his hindquarters. Turns out the guy was playing with the dildo and forced it in too deep to retrieve. The guy is now charged with making false police reports and is out on $50,000 bail. Personally I think the humiliation of having his story reported in the media should be punishment enough.

http://www.ocweekly.com/news/news/das-booty/25716/
Were the two assailants named Ben Dover and Phil McCrackin?

"It was a million to one chance, doc! A million to one!"

haha, Seinfeld!

The mods have stolen the Samoan's dildo from my thread title!
I wonder what they want to use it for...

Seen Fightclub lately, DK? ;)

Brilliant movie:D

Yes, it's my favorite movie.

heh! there was a local tv news reader in jersey who got a dildo stuck up her arse a few years ago. everybody knew about it in a matter of days cuz obviously the nurses knew her face and it's a small island. she never came up with any kind of elaborate excuse tho, just refused to talk about it. best thing to do probably but it's still funny. i don't think she lasted much longer in the public eye tho.

I wonder what they want to use it for...

TG's been a bad boy.