NationStates Jolt Archive

We always knew it really, but now it has been confirmed.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,8123-2325547,00.html

So all you general jokers, make us feel good!

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One of them was a salted.

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One of them was a salted.
Anally?

And I can prove laughter is bad for you: *takes a drink, starts laughing maniacally, chokes to death*

Jesus walks up to an innkeeper. Slaps three nails on the counter and says "Can you put me up for the night"?

Jesus walks up to an innkeeper. Slaps three nails on the counter and says "Can you put me up for the night"?
3 nails + 1 cross = 4 given

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One of them was a salted.
*Groan*
Jesus walks up to an innkeeper. Slaps three nails on the counter and says "Can you put me up for the night"?
*Groans again*
3 nails + 1 cross = 4 given
*Keeps groaning*

Patient: Doc, I can't stop singing, "The green, green grass of home."
Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
Patient: Is it common?
Doctor: Well ... It's not unusual ...

yeah thats my joke for the hour....

Blood. Gore. Screaming. Pain. Anguish. Horror. Death. Clowns.

3 nails + 1 cross = 4 given
LOLZ! I'm so stealing that!

*performs several outrageous sight gags*

You know, that loses some of it's oomph in text format. :(

Blood. Gore. Screaming. Pain. Anguish. Horror. Death. Clowns.

*sings* These are a few of my favorite things!

If mechanical engineers make bombs, what do civil engineers make (answer in white)? Targets!

LOLZ! I'm so stealing that!
You thought that was funny *slap*

The integral of e to the x power is equal to f of u to the n power.

Nine Comments to Take Back

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the r owing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

I heart internet comedy sites.

I just noticed (in another thread) that Smunkee's sig contains a quote from AA Milne. I once pooh-pooh'ed his work in a literature class. The professor made me go sit in the Corner.

I heart internet comedy sites.
lawl

I've known that for a long time. It's why I listen to stuff like Dane Cook on the way to and from work. Keeps me happy and stuff.

Also, a whole line of z appeared when I touched the keyboard. Odd.

I just noticed (in another thread) that Smukee's sig contains a quote from AA Milne. I once pooh-pooh'ed his work in a literature class. The professor made me go sit in the Corner.
Pffft. Winne the Pooh is lame. Eeyore especially so. He doesn't do anything, just sits around and feels sorry for himself and for his pathetic attempts at constructing a house. More like EMOre than Eeyore. Jesus Christ Eeyore, go to college, learn some basic arcitectural skills.

an elephant and a camel meet on a road:

Elephant: Say, why is it you camels have your breasts on your back?

The camel pauses for a minute....

Camel: That's an unusual question coming from someone who has a dick on his face...

Pffft. Winne the Pooh is lame. Eeyore especially so. He doesn't do anything, just sits around and feels sorry for himself and for his pathetic attempts at constructing a house. More like EMOre than Eeyore. Jesus Christ Eeyore, go to college, learn some basic arcitectural skills.
I thought your math jokes were funnier :(

an elephant and a camel meet on a road:

Elephant: Say, why is it you camels have your breasts on your back?

The camel pauses for a minute....

Camel: That's an unusual question coming from someone who has a dick on his face...
No wonder the hyenas can't stop laughing.

Here's a math joke:
What's infinity times the square root of minus-one? Eight.

Here's a math joke:
What's infinity times the square root of minus-one? Eight.
T = Omega.

I thought your math jokes were funnier :(
My love for you is like a concave-up function. It's always rising. :)

My love for you is like a concave-up function. It's always rising. :)
*sigh* It's not funny if you have to explain it.

T = Omega.
Did you read the white? ;)

*sigh* It's not funny if you have to explain it.
Whoops, whited.

A statistician, a political scientist, and a philosopher go duck-hunting. When they see a duck, the political scientist shoots, but his bullet is too far to the left. The philosopher shoots, but her bullet is too far to the right. The statistician loudly declares, "Yes! We hit it!"

On a philosophy exam, the bonus question was, "Prove that the chair in the front of the room doesn't exist." Most of the students, after writing long, complicated arguments regarding the epistemological nature of a posteriori knowledge, were surprised to learn that only one of them had gotten the bonus points. Her answer?

"What chair?"

Did you read the white? ;)
I read the white and I didn't get it. So I introduced a different answer. T stands for time in this equation. Basically, I was giving you the end of the universe.

I read the white and I didn't get it. So I introduced a different answer. T stands for time in this equation. Basically, I was giving you the end of the universe.
Want to help me integrate my natural log? ;)

Want to help me integrate my natural log? ;)
Are you coming on to me?

I read the white and I didn't get it. So I introduced a different answer. T stands for time in this equation. Basically, I was giving you the end of the universe.
When you multiply a function by i, you rotate its graph 90 degrees. Try rotating "8" 90 degrees, and you'll get it.:p

Want to help me integrate my natural log? ;)
Now that one I got. But I don't know you well enough for that yet.

Are you coming on to me?
Wanna go to my place and form a covalent bond?