NationStates Jolt Archive

So, I've put myself in a conundrum where it's hard for me to analyze the situation and I thought to myself, Where can I turn for advice? Of course, I thought of the vast knowledge mine that is contained within NS General.

About a month and a half ago I was reunited with some friends/old neighbors who I hadn't seen in quite some time. I found out that they were having an addition to their family of four (Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister). We live close to the hospital and she was due to deliver. We were going to Disneyland and could use house/pet sitters. It was a win-win situation.

We discussed the possibility of getting into a larger house together to make the expenses of living easier all the way around. We discussed the possibility of sharing my dinky two bedroom apartment for a brief period of time to save up enough money to move into a bigger place.

We came back from our vacation and within a week began to wonder why they hadn't gone home yet. We just figured she was waiting for her cesarean appointment a week away, hoping that we would drive her when the time came. I didn't object at first. Then our truck broke down and that was no longer a valid excuse. Then they got evicted from their apartment.

Before I go any further, I should mention that they had their two children (ages 2 and 1) taken from them by Child Protective Services for being underweight. They just got them back quite recently and CPS is still involved. So my natural instinct was to help prevent CPS from taking their children away again and let them stay with us -on the condition that they contributed.

I rearranged my sons room (by myself) to make room for their kids. Now she has had her baby, they have most of their stuff in our front room, they contributed $60 to my $200 for groceries and then had the nerve to say the bananas were for the babies only. She won't lift a finger to clean because she is nursing and "the chemicals will make my baby sick". He lost his job and they sit on their arses all day playing video games. I have to jump over my coffee table to access the kitchen because they are using it for a safety gate. The bassinet is in the middle of my living room even though I gave them permission to rearrange the room to make space for it.

I don't want to put them out on the streets. They are my friends even though I am upset that they seem to be taking advantage of the situation. What do I do? Should I just get "SUCKER" tattooed in bright red letters on my forehead?

(Sorry for the length!)

So, I've put myself in a conundrum where it's hard for me to analyze the situation and I thought to myself, Where can I turn for advice? Of course, I thought of the vast knowledge mine that is contained within NS General.

About a month and a half ago I was reunited with some friends/old neighbors who I hadn't seen in quite some time. I found out that they were having an addition to their family of four (Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister). We live close to the hospital and she was due to deliver. We were going to Disneyland and could use house/pet sitters. It was a win-win situation.

We discussed the possibility of getting into a larger house together to make the expenses of living easier all the way around. We discussed the possibility of sharing my dinky two bedroom apartment for a brief period of time to save up enough money to move into a bigger place.

We came back from our vacation and within a week began to wonder why they hadn't gone home yet. We just figured she was waiting for her cesarean appointment a week away, hoping that we would drive her when the time came. I didn't object at first. Then our truck broke down and that was no longer a valid excuse. Then they got evicted from their apartment.

Before I go any further, I should mention that they had their two children (ages 2 and 1) taken from them by Child Protective Services for being underweight. They just got them back quite recently and CPS is still involved. So my natural instinct was to help prevent CPS from taking their children away again and let them stay with us -on the condition that they contributed.

I rearranged my sons room (by myself) to make room for their kids. Now she has had her baby, they have most of their stuff in our front room, they contributed $60 to my $200 for groceries and then had the nerve to say the bananas were for the babies only. She won't lift a finger to clean because she is nursing and "the chemicals will make my baby sick". He lost his job and they sit on their arses all day playing video games. I have to jump over my coffee table to access the kitchen because they are using it for a safety gate. The bassinet is in the middle of my living room even though I gave them permission to rearrange the room to make space for it.

I don't want to put them out on the streets. They are my friends even though I am upset that they seem to be taking advantage of the situation. What do I do? Should I just get "SUCKER" tattooed in bright red letters on my forehead?

(Sorry for the length!)
are they looking for a job? If so, then they are trying to rectify their situation. if not...

Inform them that you cannot afford to keep things like this. let them know that they will need to increase their share of money for the groceries, or kick in for other bills/expenses. if they give exscuses, then bargin with them for cleaning services in exchange (laundry/keeping the apartment clean.)

if she/they still stick to the "bad fumes around baby" then slowly decrease services... like say, smaller portions of food/buy less groceries, if you have cable, stop it. if they start dictating what food goes to the baby, inform them then, that they should go and buy their own. labeling yours and theirs.

everytime they complain, remind them that they need to pick up the slack moneywise, or find their own place because you are basically supporting them.

I assume CPS is still looking in on them...

I know it's hard. your offer of assistance and goodwill can easily be abused. you don't want to be the "Bad Guy" but if they are abusing you...

Nah, the length was necessary.

And oh boy, what a sucky situation. They don't "seem to take advantage" they are taking advantage. Big time.

I won't be any help at all. If it were me in that situation, I'd be the one starting this thread. Maybe we could get matching "Sucker" tattoos? :rolleyes:

But NS is usually really good with advice for stuff like this, so here's hoping for the best. >.<

Grainne Ni Malley, other than the $60 for food, are they helping with anything else?

get your place fumigated or something and whilst your all out on the street stay at your mothers invite them along too once you can move back suggest they stay at your mothers because she can look after kids and such (I like this because you get rid of moochers and calls from your mother)

Or…

Find Mr Moocher a job or something (ask at your workplace) if he turns it down tell him to get the fuck out if he does problem solved if he doesn’t call the cops

Should you get him to take the job of course slowly pull them together by being mommy help the kids and stuff (and when they move out call them at awkward moments and ruin Christmas like anyone who’s looked after someone)

You really need to put your foot down, you know. Have them know right now that this is a VERY temporary situation, and that you can't afford to have them crowding over your roof in the middle or long run.

Ideally, you have to speak with them, and try to set in a date where they'll move out. That way you get rid of them, and they don't get kicked out on the street. Helping out is all good, but they have to realize when a host's hospitality runs out. So try to get down a realist date for them to move out, one that's not gonna be in one year, but still leave them with a week or three or five to find a job and apartment of their own.

I really see no other way. Letting them live off yourself like that is neither gonna be good for you or them. Heck, even though I'm living at my mother's, I still need to do some basic chores and help out around the house(it's the least I can do). We're family, and I still consider it important not to be a freeloader, so really letting "friends" dictate how you run your own home isn't a very good idea.

Maybe you should have established one little thing before you let them move in:

Your house, your rules. If they don't like it - kick'em out for good. And if they really don't (know how to) care for their children, why would you want to get involved in that mess as well?

Sounds like those people need help. Also sounds like you ain't the one who can provide that help.

[Wasn't there a thread quite similar to this one about half a year ago by Smunkee or Sin?!? Like, her having some "friends" move in and then them stealing stuff and leaving or something? Could be I'm confusing things, but this somehow rings a bell...]

Nah, the length was necessary.

And oh boy, what a sucky situation. They don't "seem to take advantage" they are taking advantage. Big time.

I won't be any help at all. If it were me in that situation, I'd be the one starting this thread. Maybe we could get matching "Sucker" tattoos? :rolleyes:

But NS is usually really good with advice for stuff like this, so here's hoping for the best. >.<

Hah. We could start a "Suckers" club and anyone who has been screwed over by a person they've tried to help could have a tattoo.

Grainne Ni Malley, other than the $60 for food, are they helping with anything else?

They each do dishes one day out of the week. Does that count? Don't answer that -rhetorical question.

When he was working we got KFC really cheap or free. That's about it. Now that's gone.

He's supposed to be "looking" for work, but I haven't seen it.

Hah. We could start a "Suckers" club and anyone who has been screwed over by a person they've tried to help could have a tattoo.
I bet you two would look really nice, covered over and over in tattoos? :eek:

get your place fumigated or something and whilst your all out on the street stay at your mothers invite them along too once you can move back suggest they stay at your mothers because she can look after kids and such (I like this because you get rid of moochers and calls from your mother)

Or…

Find Mr Moocher a job or something (ask at your workplace) if he turns it down tell him to get the fuck out if he does problem solved if he doesn’t call the cops

Should you get him to take the job of course slowly pull them together by being mommy help the kids and stuff (and when they move out call them at awkward moments and ruin Christmas like anyone who’s looked after someone)

A. I don't want to inalienate my mother. She's too rich.

B. If I got him on at my job, I would have to fire him the next day. Then I would look bad.

C. What about fumigating the house with them (minus the babies) in it?

They each do dishes one day out of the week. Does that count? Don't answer that -rhetorical question.

When he was working we got KFC really cheap or free. That's about it. Now that's gone.

He's supposed to be "looking" for work, but I haven't seen it.
When are you going to get a second or third job to support them?

A. I don't want to inalienate my mother. She's too rich.

B. If I got him on at my job, I would have to fire him the next day. Then I would look bad.

C. What about fumigating the house with them (minus the babies) in it?
A. sounds like a wise decision

B. sounds like a bad idea. Friendship always ends when it comes to money. Especially when he behaves like an idiot and it falls back on you.

C. sounds... evil!

Have you told them what you just told us? If not then do so. And attempt to do so with a diplomatic tongue. Remember she got her kids taken away before for being underweight, perhaps she doesn't realise how much it costs to feed a family of four.

So first off explain your problems(monetary contributions, chores, lack of space, and their hording of it), then how you would like them to help, and finally your and their plans for the future (moving out or getting a larger hosue together).


If this doesn't work then your might be in a bit a of problem. As yoru home is now their sole place of residence there could be legal problems with evicting them from your hosue.

Maybe you should have established one little thing before you let them move in:

Your house, your rules. If they don't like it - kick'em out for good. And if they really don't (know how to) care for their children, why would you want to get involved in that mess as well?

Sounds like those people need help. Also sounds like you ain't the one who can provide that help.

[Wasn't there a thread quite similar to this one about half a year ago by Smunkee or Sin?!? Like, her having some "friends" move in and then them stealing stuff and leaving or something? Could be I'm confusing things, but this somehow rings a bell...]

I suppose being taken advantage of is not all that uncommon.

Originally I didn't think their children should have been taken away from them. The mother is young and didn't realize that her daughter was lactose intolerant. I thought they should have given them nutritional course or something.

Now I know better. Just the other night I had to get up at 4am to feed their newborn because they couldn't hear her crying in the same room (even though I could hear her crying from another room with a closed door). I tried to wake the mom up, but the baby was crying so bad I felt it was just easier to feed her myself.

C. What about fumigating the house with them (minus the babies) in it?
How deliciously evil of you. I like it! :D

When are you going to get a second or third job to support them?

That's just not... funny. I get the point though.

B. If I got him on at my job, I would have to fire him the next day. Then I would look bad.

C. What about fumigating the house with them (minus the babies) in it?

B. Well you look for a job for him in the paper and put one of those zany red circles on all the jobs he could get and get some pamphlets about the military especially about all the great family benefits

C. but then you will have kids to look after!

Why don’t you tell them your getting evicted or something and you have to stay with family that gives them time to plan something (because evictions can take some time)

Have you told them what you just told us? If not then do so. And attempt to do so with a diplomatic tongue. Remember she got her kids taken away before for being underweight, perhaps she doesn't realise how much it costs to feed a family of four.

So first off explain your problems(monetary contributions, chores, lack of space, and their hording of it), then how you would like them to help, and finally your and their plans for the future (moving out or getting a larger hosue together).


If this doesn't work then your might be in a bit a of problem. As yoru home is now their sole place of residence there could be legal problems with evicting them from your hosue.

My problem is that I'm very soft spoken and non-confrontational. My mother was the type to blow up on anyone for anything no matter where we were and I think that, as a result, I'm almost paralyzed by the thought of speaking my mind.

I tried to wake the mom up, but the baby was crying so bad I felt it was just easier to feed her myself.

:eek: how can your nipples take that punishment

How deliciously evil of you. I like it! :D


There are untold depths...

You know those people who are just quiet and are never seen yelling at people? We make plans. A lot of plans.

That's just not... funny. I get the point though.
Sorry, it wasn't supposed to be. Good you got the gist, though.

My problem is that I'm very soft spoken and non-confrontational. My mother was the type to blow up on anyone for anything no matter where we were and I think that, as a result, I'm almost paralyzed by the thought of speaking my mind.Talk to your mum over the phone about your problems and then invite her over for tea or something... good cop, bad cop routine?

:eek: how can your nipples take that punishment

I'm masochistic, what can I say?

No, there's actually this thing called formula. You might have heard of it. :p

My problem is that I'm very soft spoken and non-confrontational. My mother was the type to blow up on anyone for anything no matter where we were and I think that, as a result, I'm almost paralyzed by the thought of speaking my mind.

This may sound a little callous, especially considering you're the victim here, but to solve your problem you will probably have to face up to this one - the only way you're going to sort this is out is by having some sort of confrontation. You'll just have to face up to that.

Talk to your mum over the phone about your problems and then invite her over for tea or something... good cop, bad cop routine?

LOL! That would be more like good cop and the cop who makes you wish they had executed you by slowly boiling your skin off already.

LOL! That would be more like good cop and the cop who makes you wish they had executed you by slowly boiling your skin off already.That sounds like a plan then.

There are untold depths...

You know those people who are just quiet and are never seen yelling at people? We make plans. A lot of plans.
Remind me never to cross you. Better to have you on my side, than against me... ;)

This may sound a little callous, especially considering you're the victim here, but to solve your problem you will probably have to face up to this one - the only way you're going to sort this is out is by having some sort of confrontation. You'll just have to face up to that.


You're right. I know this. I usually remain patient for unreasonably long periods of time and then hit a breaking point. Unfortunately my breaking point has unpredictable results.

LOL! That would be more like good cop and the cop who makes you wish they had executed you by slowly boiling your skin off already.
There is nothing more dangerous in the world than a angry mother defending her (hell)spawns. :p

From your original post, it's obvious they have already overstepped their boundaries, and since they sit on their ends and play video games, the problem will not solve itself. People here are suggesting that you help them find jobs and stuff. . . personally, they are sitting in YOUR house so why is it your responsibility to get THEM a job? You need to definately talk to them, and even though that's not your thing, they are simply overrunning your house and you can't let them get away with that.

But, you must be ready to end the friendship with them if it comes to that.

You're right. I know this. I usually remain patient for unreasonably long periods of time and then hit a breaking point. Unfortunately my breaking point has unpredictable results.

Join the club - I nearly always give people who deserve a good slapping far too much leeway - I too have something of a problem with confrontations. Of course, when I do eventually get down to it, I can usually do a good job of it , and often without the need for threats or violence :D

Hah. We could start a "Suckers" club and anyone who has been screwed over by a person they've tried to help could have a tattoo.
You really don't want to give me a list...

You're right. I know this. I usually remain patient for unreasonably long periods of time and then hit a breaking point. Unfortunately my breaking point has unpredictable results.
My breaking point would've been reached with neglective parents snoring away in the same room with their screaming kid and not giving a damn about it.

The bucket of cold water would've been the least I could think of. Wakes up drunks, too. Always works.

And please invite your mother over, that really sounds like a good plan.

Hell, you could even arrange it to be like "you people look like you need advice and here's an experienced person to give you some". And then let her off her restraining collar :D

From your original post, it's obvious they have already overstepped their boundaries, and since they sit on their ends and play video games, the problem will not solve itself. People here are suggesting that you help them find jobs and stuff. . . personally, they are sitting in YOUR house so why is it your responsibility to get THEM a job? You need to definately talk to them, and even though that's not your thing, they are simply overrunning your house and you can't let them get away with that.

But, you must be ready to end the friendship with them if it comes to that.


That's pretty much how I feel. I'm not his mother and I don't plan on telling him what he needs to do. One would think that he would realize "Hey, I have three kids to take care of and these people aren't going to support my family forever."

I have considered waiting until the end of this month when rent is due and, if he does not have the agreed upon portion, they will be given a month to find their own place. Does that sound fair?

You know, from reading the thread? I don't think you need to do anything but call the cops, call family services, and turn 'em over. They should not be your problem (although the fumigation idea does sound like fun!).

My breaking point would've been reached with neglective parents snoring away in the same room with their screaming kid and not giving a damn about it.

The bucket of cold water would've been the least I could think of. Wakes up drunks, too. Always works.

And please invite your mother over, that really sounds like a good plan.

Hell, you could even arrange it to be like "you people look like you need advice and here's an experienced person to give you some". And then let her off her restraining collar :D

Oh, that's so scary. My mom lives for giving advice. It's not a little bit of advice either. It's about six-hours-long advice. The only problem with that is if you're in her path you get hit by advice shrapnel.

I would have to say freeloader.

That's pretty much how I feel. I'm not his mother and I don't plan on telling him what he needs to do. One would think that he would realize "Hey, I have three kids to take care of and these people aren't going to support my family forever."

I have considered waiting until the end of this month when rent is due and, if he does not have the agreed upon portion, they will be given a month to find their own place. Does that sound fair?


That's more than fair. The madness has gone on long enough, and when it's all over you'll feel relieved.
Good luck :D

You know, from reading the thread? I don't think you need to do anything but call the cops, call family services, and turn 'em over. They should not be your problem (although the fumigation idea does sound like fun!).


Well, there has been my back-up escape route. I was told by CPS that, for them to live their, my boyfriend and I would have to pay forty-five dollars each to get fingerprinted. I haven't done that yet because the parasites were supposed to help me pay for it. If they want to stay bad enough, they need to pay a portion of that.

Well, there has been my back-up escape route. I was told by CPS that, for them to live their, my boyfriend and I would have to pay forty-five dollars each to get fingerprinted. I haven't done that yet because the parasites were supposed to help me pay for it. If they want to stay bad enough, they need to pay a portion of that.

your making two unemployed parents pay to have your fingerprints done?!

So, I've put myself in a conundrum where it's hard for me to analyze the situation and I thought to myself, Where can I turn for advice? Of course, I thought of the vast knowledge mine that is contained within NS General.

About a month and a half ago I was reunited with some friends/old neighbors who I hadn't seen in quite some time. I found out that they were having an addition to their family of four (Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister). We live close to the hospital and she was due to deliver. We were going to Disneyland and could use house/pet sitters. It was a win-win situation.

We discussed the possibility of getting into a larger house together to make the expenses of living easier all the way around. We discussed the possibility of sharing my dinky two bedroom apartment for a brief period of time to save up enough money to move into a bigger place.

We came back from our vacation and within a week began to wonder why they hadn't gone home yet. We just figured she was waiting for her cesarean appointment a week away, hoping that we would drive her when the time came. I didn't object at first. Then our truck broke down and that was no longer a valid excuse. Then they got evicted from their apartment.

Before I go any further, I should mention that they had their two children (ages 2 and 1) taken from them by Child Protective Services for being underweight. They just got them back quite recently and CPS is still involved. So my natural instinct was to help prevent CPS from taking their children away again and let them stay with us -on the condition that they contributed.

I rearranged my sons room (by myself) to make room for their kids. Now she has had her baby, they have most of their stuff in our front room, they contributed $60 to my $200 for groceries and then had the nerve to say the bananas were for the babies only. She won't lift a finger to clean because she is nursing and "the chemicals will make my baby sick". He lost his job and they sit on their arses all day playing video games. I have to jump over my coffee table to access the kitchen because they are using it for a safety gate. The bassinet is in the middle of my living room even though I gave them permission to rearrange the room to make space for it.

I don't want to put them out on the streets. They are my friends even though I am upset that they seem to be taking advantage of the situation. What do I do? Should I just get "SUCKER" tattooed in bright red letters on my forehead?

(Sorry for the length!)

This may sound harsh, but from my perspective, that bolded sentence makes it seem like you are rationalising buying these peoples dubious friendship, which looks like a bad deal all the way around. :(

If they are doing this, are they really your friends?

How much do you value this "friendship"?

Are you willing to support these people long term to allow them to keep their children out of CPS?

What would happen if you (or your mother) gave them 1-2 weeks notice that you will no longer be able to support them? Would that be worse than allowing them to continue spounging long term, until you can no longer stand them?

Originally I didn't think their children should have been taken away from them. The mother is young and didn't realize that her daughter was lactose intolerant. I thought they should have given them nutritional course or something.

Now I know better. Just the other night I had to get up at 4am to feed their newborn because they couldn't hear her crying in the same room (even though I could hear her crying from another room with a closed door). I tried to wake the mom up, but the baby was crying so bad I felt it was just easier to feed her myself.

Err... another harsh one: Are these people druggies? That's the first thing that popped into my mind on reading this... If they are, then you need them out ASAP.

Just start leaving porno tapes hanging around the common areas.

Oh, that's so scary. My mom lives for giving advice. It's not a little bit of advice either. It's about six-hours-long advice. The only problem with that is if you're in her path you get hit by advice shrapnel.
Be out of tea when she comes over. Then "nip out" for the six hours ;)

Well, there has been my back-up escape route. I was told by CPS that, for them to live their, my boyfriend and I would have to pay forty-five dollars each to get fingerprinted. I haven't done that yet because the parasites were supposed to help me pay for it. If they want to stay bad enough, they need to pay a portion of that.

What? Please say that out loud without crying.


A portion? :headbang:

That's pretty much how I feel. I'm not his mother and I don't plan on telling him what he needs to do. One would think that he would realize "Hey, I have three kids to take care of and these people aren't going to support my family forever."

I have considered waiting until the end of this month when rent is due and, if he does not have the agreed upon portion, they will be given a month to find their own place. Does that sound fair?

Well beyond fair. I'd say 1 week.

Just start leaving porno tapes hanging around the common areas.
Gay porno should make them leave faster, too.

Gay porno should make them leave faster, too.
*chuckles*

You're right, I should have been more specific - of course, that's mostly what gets left in the video player around here, so... make it GAY porno, Grainne.

What? Please say that out loud without crying.


A portion? :headbang:
I thought the same thing . . .they should pay ALL of it! And don't let them "borrow" it from you!

Yea, look:

1. You have your own kid(s-?) to think about.

2. These people are not like your BFFs or anything.

3. It sounds as if CPS was right to whip their kids off them. Don't stand in the way.

In conclusion: cruel tho' it may sound, kick them out.

I wouldn't pay a single dime to have my fingerprints taken - after all, wouldn't it be to their benefit if you really did that?

Then, give them till the end of the month to come up with the money for the rent. And even if they managed to do that, still give'em only another week or two to find a place for themselves.

Try to get yourself out of this mess ASAP, please.

If those people really were your friends, they wouldn't behave like that. That includes them being too stupid to even realize what they are doing to you.

If not for yourself, think of the children!!! (And it really sounds like you've adopted two babies and two grown-up babies who don't know how to take care of themselves and their lives, let alone their own offspring).

Where's Maxine Gray when you need her?

your making two unemployed parents pay to have your fingerprints done?!

Ah, but he was employed when I was told I would have to have my fingerprints done because they have CPS involved with their children. I am being required to do this for their benefit. I really don't feel I should have to pay for this at all, but I think it is reasonable that they pay at least half. It's not my fault he lost his job because he couldn't be bothered to go in.

It's not my fault he lost his job because he couldn't be bothered to go in.

kick the shit out of him...

*chuckles*

You're right, I should have been more specific - of course, that's mostly what gets left in the video player around here, so... make it GAY porno, Grainne.
Yep. There's never enough gay porno lying around, you got that right. :p

Ah, but he was employed when I was told I would have to have my fingerprints done because they have CPS involved with their children. I am being required to do this for their benefit. I really don't feel I should have to pay for this at all, but I think it is reasonable that they pay at least half. It's not my fault he lost his job because he couldn't be bothered to go in.
Okay, see? Right there, the intent was to freeload! Out with the buggers!

This may sound harsh, but from my perspective, that bolded sentence makes it seem like you are rationalising buying these peoples dubious friendship, which looks like a bad deal all the way around. :(

If they are doing this, are they really your friends?

How much do you value this "friendship"?

Are you willing to support these people long term to allow them to keep their children out of CPS?

What would happen if you (or your mother) gave them 1-2 weeks notice that you will no longer be able to support them? Would that be worse than allowing them to continue spounging long term, until you can no longer stand them?



Err... another harsh one: Are these people druggies? That's the first thing that popped into my mind on reading this... If they are, then you need them out ASAP.

When you put it that way I can see how it might appear that I am "buying" their friendship. However, I was helping them because they are (or were?) friends and I did not expect them to behave in this manner.

No matter how I value the friendship, ultimately I will not allow it to bring me or my family down. After all, I have my own kid to worry about. I was hoping that there might be a way to handle this without losing the friendship, but that doesn't look too promising.

As far as drugs are concerned, he is a pot head and is smoking all of my boyfriend's weed. I stay out of that situation though because I don't smoke anymore and I'd rather not be bothered with it.

Just start leaving porno tapes hanging around the common areas.


They borrowed our porn! That wouldn't really make a difference, I think.
Gay porn... actually I could just get my best friend to come over and sit reeaaallly close to him.

What? Please say that out loud without crying.


A portion? :headbang:


The part where I cried was when we went grocery shopping. He got pissy because I wanted strawberry yogurt. He said, "What if I don't like strawberry yogurt?" and I said, "Too bad". He stormed off and disappeared with the cart full of my son's back-to-school clothes and my cell phone. I was thinking, "WTF am I doing this for?!"

As far as drugs are concerned, he is a pot head and is smoking all of my boyfriend's weed. I stay out of that situation though because I don't smoke anymore and I'd rather not be bothered with it.
Does your boyfriend know that? And more importantly - why don't you team up with him on the situation?

After all, if you ain't happy it's gonna affect him too, right?

When you put it that way I can see how it might appear that I am "buying" their friendship. However, I was helping them because they are (or were?) friends and I did not expect them to behave in this manner.

Fair enough. (And I meant as the stuation stands now, not at the start.)

No matter how I value the friendship, ultimately I will not allow it to bring me or my family down. After all, I have my own kid to worry about. I was hoping that there might be a way to handle this without losing the friendship, but that doesn't look too promising.

From what you've said, nope, it doesn't look promising. It looks like a question of

As far as drugs are concerned, he is a pot head and is smoking all of my boyfriend's weed. I stay out of that situation though because I don't smoke anymore and I'd rather not be bothered with it.

Are you sure they aren't doing anything harder? Especially the mother?
And what's your BF say about this guy smoking up his stash?

Does your boyfriend know that? And more importantly - why don't you team up with him on the situation?

After all, if you ain't happy it's gonna affect him too, right?

He knows. We've discussed everything and he's as much of a sissy as me. Well, almost. I'm sure he'll be speaking up soon if I don't. Especially if he runs out.

And what's your BF say about this guy smoking up his stash?
I know what I'd do in that situation if I had a stash (left)

They're taking advantage of you. That means that they're NOT your friends. It means that, unless you tell them, in no uncertain terms, that you are not supporting them or housing them, they will continue to use you and abuse your good nature and kindness.

Give them a time limit, say thirty days, in that time they have to find other housing and leave.

If they start accusing you of being a bitch, say "damn straight and proud of it. And you still have to leave, I have my own family and sanity to worry about."

Charity begins at home.

Are you sure they aren't doing anything harder? Especially the mother?
And what's your BF say about this guy smoking up his stash?

She just had a baby 10 days ago. I know she's not, but I am coming to the conclusion that she's missing some vital part of her brain.

BF says he can have all of the shake he wants -well what is known to exist. The good stuff is hidden.

She just had a baby 10 days ago. I know she's not, but I am coming to the conclusion that she's missing some vital part of her brain.

BF says he can have all of the shake he wants -well what is known to exist. The good stuff is hidden.
Never underestimate a stoner run dry...

He knows. We've discussed everything and he's as much of a sissy as me. Well, almost. I'm sure he'll be speaking up soon if I don't. Especially if he runs out.

They've already endangered your family situation if that's the case. Do what you have to, but do it soon.

Don't get stuck like my parents did. They ended up housing and feeding an old friend and her daughter for more than a year. Really soured me to couch-surfing in general.

They're taking advantage of you. That means that they're NOT your friends. It means that, unless you tell them, in no uncertain terms, that you are not supporting them or housing them, they will continue to use you and abuse your good nature and kindness.

Give them a time limit, say thirty days, in that time they have to find other housing and leave.

If they start accusing you of being a bitch, say "damn straight and proud of it. And you still have to leave, I have my own family and sanity to worry about."

Charity begins at home.


This reminded me of the other day. My son ran into a situation with his "friends" and the household got on the topic of friends who just use you. They were saying how we've never screwed them over and they've never screwed us over. I wanted to scream, "You're doint it right now as we speak!"

I had to bite my tongue so hard! I probably shouldn't have.

She just had a baby 10 days ago. I know she's not, but I am coming to the conclusion that she's missing some vital part of her brain.

BF says he can have all of the shake he wants -well what is known to exist. The good stuff is hidden.

Gotta take ofgf for a while, but I'll be back on in a few hours. Best of luck.

They borrowed our porn! That wouldn't really make a difference, I think.
Gay porn... actually I could just get my best friend to come over and sit reeaaallly close to him.
Yeah. Having a gay friend over often and asking him to hit on the good-for-nothing would probably really have them leave faster than they could have ever imagined :p

It's 4:52 in the morning and I really need to catch some sleep. I'll be back tomorrow - please keep us informed on how things go!

http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/goodnight.gif

Gotta take ofgf for a while, but I'll be back on in a few hours. Best of luck.


Thanks. It helps to get several different views on the matter, even though all of the views pretty much seem to be the same. It's helping make the picture crystal clear.

Were I in your position...I can honestly say that at this point I would be taking the most EXTREME measures to remove these people from my life. Up to and including calling the police and child services.

Screw giving them any length of time to find a new place...if one of their concerns was a roof over their heads, they should have thought of that before trying to take advantage of you...as that is clearly what they are doing.

The sooner that this problem is dealt with, the better off you will be. The fastest way to deal with it is to contact local law enforcement and social services.

Sucks for your "friends"...but it's their fault. Push 'em off that cliff...see if they fly.

Well, here's some ideas (if the situation hasn't already been sorted out by now):

A confrontation is inevitable. Accept it. But, like you said, you quiet people plan a lot, so just plan out how you will confront them. From experience, confrontations planned in advance never turn out that way, so just be sure that when you do confront them you bring up the important points. Plan a certain time when this confrontation will finally take place then be sure to team up with your boyfriend and maybe even your mother and tackle them together; more power in numbers.

Another idea that you may even want to integrate into the last one is, as you said that the couple sit around and play video games all day and smoke pot, "accidentally" pour water into their gaming machine and/or stop leaving the pot as accessible to them and say that "the local dealer(s) ended up in jail and it will be hard to find any more" or better yet, get your boyfriend to stop smoking pot altogether so that the pot stops coming in. Removing such luxuries from the equation will be extra motivation for them to move out. Be warned though, this approach may actually lead to the afore-mentioned confrontation, so be ready if you choose to do so.

Or i guess you could call the cops etc on them and charge them for "squatting" or "child negligence" or something along those lines. It's only fair; you'll just be taking back all they had taken from you.

I really hope all turns out well for you, you sound like after all this you deserve some peace.

I agree that a confrontation is inevitable, and with this in mind, take the bull by the horns and just put them straight, nicely, but not in a wimpy way. Say that you allowed them to stay at your home temporarily to help them out, but say that as they must have realised there is not enough room and that for the sake of both their family and yours, that they need to find somewhere more suitable and give them a date to leave by, say the end of next week or something that actually does give them enough time to sort themselves out if they want to, and stick to it, even if they play the 'we have not been able to find anywhere we like/can afford/suitable' crap on you.

I have had kids and giving birth does not make you unable to do things, she is talking out of her ass. If she was in her own home then that is one thing, but to be in yours is another story and she needs to get off her ass and clean up. Don't get suckered any more by this 'chemicals' bullshit, if she don't like it, she can go elsewhere, it's your home.

Good luck and be strong and get shot of these low life loser freeloaders, and believe me THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS, friends don't pull shit like this.

Grainne Ni Malley first you were very good to take them in. They should appreciate that. However you don't seem to ha ve enough room for them. You are not their house keeper. If your friend was in her own house she would have to clean up regardless of whether she was breast feeding (a crap excuse). They have overstayed their welcome. Ask them to leave. Set a date like 3 weeks. They'll have to find a house by then. If they don't? Tough. They aren't your problem.

I really don't understand people who are saying she should give them more time...

...what have these freeloaders been doing all this time? NOTHING! They've had all the time they needed to resolve the situation and they've done nothing.

Having a talk with them and then setting a deadline, be it one week, or one month, or whatever, is only going to encourage them to continue with their current behavior. To think otherwise is to completely ignore all the evidence presented and assume that one little chat is going to magically transform these people into responsible adults.

Pull the rug out from under them...and don't give them any warning. Far better that than dealing with the situation for two weeks only to find that nothing has changed.

Hell, if they get their act together, they just might thank you for it one day.

I really don't understand people who are saying she should give them more time...

...what have these freeloaders been doing all this time? NOTHING! They've had all the time they needed to resolve the situation and they've done nothing.

Having a talk with them and then setting a deadline, be it one week, or one month, or whatever, is only going to encourage them to continue with their current behavior. To think otherwise is to completely ignore all the evidence presented and assume that one little chat is going to magically transform these people into responsible adults.

Pull the rug out from under them...and don't give them any warning. Far better that than dealing with the situation for two weeks only to find that nothing has changed.

Hell, if they get their act together, they just might thank you for it one day.


Personally I think some time is needed. I know they are freeloaders and have completely taken advantage of the situation but I don't think it would be right given that they have a new born baby to turn around in a minute and say right off with ye, I hear the homeless shelter has some upcoming vacancies!

Freeloaders

So, what news to report on that dire situation of yours? Any improvements yet? Any new horror stories to share with NSG?

you need to get these people OUT. give them one week. social services will help them find another place or one of the charities around town will take them in on a temporary basis.

if you cant bring yourself to tell them to get out, which might require getting the sherrif involved, then do this..

you are in violation of your lease AND of the local housing laws. fake a letter from your landlord telling you that you will be evicted if you dont get rid of the freeloaders. have it be a 7 day notice. they will do what it takes for them to land in another soft spot. if you dont have a landlord, have it be from the city since there is no way that its legal to have so many people in your tiny apartment.

i missed the part about not wanting to upset your mother. cant you get HER to come over and tell the freeloader to move out? some people just have a knack for that kind of thing.

as a last resort, call social services. if they cant get by without mooching off unwilling friends, they probably shouldnt have custody of their kids. no one wants to be responsible for someone losing custody of their children but if these losers arent capable of doing what is necessary to keep them, something is severely wrong. it would be their fault not yours.

They each do dishes one day out of the week. Does that count? Don't answer that -rhetorical question.

When he was working we got KFC really cheap or free. That's about it. Now that's gone.

He's supposed to be "looking" for work, but I haven't seen it.They're freeloading.

are you renting?

If so, type up a phoney letter from your landlord saying that Subletting is against your agreement, and that you have 1 month to rectify the situation or your rental contract will be terminated. (putting all of you out of the home)

then tell them that you have no choice, You gotta kick them out, you can suggest the YMCA/YWCA to help them with a place to stay untill they get on their feet.

Where's Maxine Gray when you need her? OMG you watch too much TV. :p (And the same shows as I do, it would seem. <.<)



But lots very sound advice in this thread.

Oh, one thing: not only should you not pay for any of the fingerprinting costs yourself, you shouldn't even get your fingerprints taken in the first place! You suffer under their being there as it is - now you actually want to make it officially permanent? Hell no!

I had to kick someone out once, I gave her 7 days to get her crap out of my apartment, when she didn't I put all her stuff out on the stoop, changed the locks, and called her mom to come get her stuff.

She tried to sue me, but since she hadn't signed a rental agreement there wasn't an unlawful eviction and she ended up having to pay my expenses for having to go to court, plus $550 she owed me for the car she stole. ;)

OMG you watch too much TV. :p (And the same shows as I do, it would seem. <.<)
Yup. That's me. I wake up and the tellie goes on, I wake up during the night and shut it off :D I usually always find something entertaining or even better, interesting to watch. [And I don't even have a set, according to the GEZ]
There you have it...
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11588706&postcount=18

I have read through a lot of good advice and I just want to thank everyone so much.

If it were just my friend and her boyfriend they would have already been out of there, but I just cannot abide the thought of putting little kids out on the street. They are innocent and if it weren't for them I would have no qualms with telling them they have five seconds to leave.

However, while her boyfriend was out looking for work (I hope), I had a talk with my friend this morning.

I told her that we can't afford to support her and her family and that I don't want to be put in the position of having to kick them out. I pointed out that even if her boyfriend "likes to be home with the kids", that he needs to support his kids and put food in their mouths. I asked her what she could clean with her "chemical prohibition, allergies to dust and inability to lift anything heavy". I also brought up the fact that I have rubber gloves. She seemed to be agreeable to the fact that she needs to pitch in and clean more since she's not working at the moment.

It seems like a step in the right direction, but I won't be convinced of anything at this moment.

I agree with Ashmoria and JuNii. Tell them that by having them in your apartment, you're violating the terms of your lease, and that they have to leave within a month, or you'll all be out of the apartment.

When they do move out, make sure you/your BF are there, to make sure they don't "mistake your stuff for theirs". Also, if they have a key to the apartment, tell your landlord that you lost your key, and want a new lock on the apartment (this blocks them from coming back at a later date to "pick up stuff they forgot").

A couple of my former co-workers had a problem (very) similar to yours, and they didn't want a confrontation either, but they ended up having to get tough and boot the friends out.

I agree with Ashmoria and JuNii. Tell them that by having them in your apartment, you're violating the terms of your lease, and that they have to leave within a month, or you'll all be out of the apartment.

When they do move out, make sure you/your BF are there, to make sure they don't "mistake your stuff for theirs". Also, if they have a key to the apartment, tell your landlord that you lost your key, and want a new lock on the apartment (this blocks them from coming back at a later date to "pick up stuff they forgot").

A couple of my former co-workers had a problem (very) similar to yours, and they didn't want a confrontation either, but they ended up having to get tough and boot the friends out.

Well, it's not like they'd have a place to put their stuff anyhow. I could always confiscate it for monies owed. I just don't know what I'd do with a bassinet and a breast pump. The only bonus would be the Star Wars Episodes IV through VI on DVD.

Well, it's not like they'd have a place to put their stuff anyhow. I could always confiscate it for monies owed. I just don't know what I'd do with a bassinet and a breast pump. The only bonus would be the Star Wars Episodes IV through VI on DVD.
Hehehe, I could think of something. :eek: *bsbsbsbsbsbsbsbs* But the DVDs are cool and still on my "to buy when rich" list. Got'em on video-tape, but those are only single-languaged, so meh.

So, I've put myself in a conundrum where it's hard for me to analyze the situation and I thought to myself, Where can I turn for advice? Of course, I thought of the vast knowledge mine that is contained within NS General.

About a month and a half ago I was reunited with some friends/old neighbors who I hadn't seen in quite some time. I found out that they were having an addition to their family of four (Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister). We live close to the hospital and she was due to deliver. We were going to Disneyland and could use house/pet sitters. It was a win-win situation.

We discussed the possibility of getting into a larger house together to make the expenses of living easier all the way around. We discussed the possibility of sharing my dinky two bedroom apartment for a brief period of time to save up enough money to move into a bigger place.

We came back from our vacation and within a week began to wonder why they hadn't gone home yet. We just figured she was waiting for her cesarean appointment a week away, hoping that we would drive her when the time came. I didn't object at first. Then our truck broke down and that was no longer a valid excuse. Then they got evicted from their apartment.

Before I go any further, I should mention that they had their two children (ages 2 and 1) taken from them by Child Protective Services for being underweight. They just got them back quite recently and CPS is still involved. So my natural instinct was to help prevent CPS from taking their children away again and let them stay with us -on the condition that they contributed.

I rearranged my sons room (by myself) to make room for their kids. Now she has had her baby, they have most of their stuff in our front room, they contributed $60 to my $200 for groceries and then had the nerve to say the bananas were for the babies only. She won't lift a finger to clean because she is nursing and "the chemicals will make my baby sick". He lost his job and they sit on their arses all day playing video games. I have to jump over my coffee table to access the kitchen because they are using it for a safety gate. The bassinet is in the middle of my living room even though I gave them permission to rearrange the room to make space for it.

I don't want to put them out on the streets. They are my friends even though I am upset that they seem to be taking advantage of the situation. What do I do? Should I just get "SUCKER" tattooed in bright red letters on my forehead?

(Sorry for the length!)

So, what's the situation now? (I know I'm nosy, but hey - you brought it up in the first place...)

So, what's the situation now? (I know I'm nosy, but hey - you brought it up in the first place...)

The situation is sort of in limbo at the moment. They are being told to get out. I got him on at my job and he only comes in when it suits him. My boyfriend is suffering at work for the lack of sleep he's had. They put the kids to bed at 8:30pm and the boy usually wakes up around 7am, screaming and crying until they get him out (around 8:30am). Since my boyfriend works graveyard, he can't sleep when he comes home.

It's reached it's boiling point and I've become a far grumpier person than normal. My sarcasm and humor can't even save me from seeming entirely bitchy. It's time for them to go.

The situation is sort of in limbo at the moment. They are being told to get out. I got him on at my job and he only comes in when it suits him. My boyfriend is suffering at work for the lack of sleep he's had. They put the kids to bed at 8:30pm and the boy usually wakes up around 7am, screaming and crying until they get him out (around 8:30am). Since my boyfriend works graveyard, he can't sleep when he comes home.

It's reached it's boiling point and I've become a far grumpier person than normal. My sarcasm and humor can't even save me from seeming entirely bitchy. It's time for them to go.
Hang in there, girl! You're doing the right thing - don't let anyone tell you any different.

(What kind of work effort is that? And I feel with your BF, too...)

Keep us informed, and if nothing else helps, we shall send you a NSG relief task force to take care of your problem for good! :eek::sniper:

Don't let this go on forever - for your very own good.

Hope you'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief soon - until then, nerves of steel and all the best. :fluffle:

The situation is sort of in limbo at the moment. They are being told to get out. I got him on at my job and he only comes in when it suits him. My boyfriend is suffering at work for the lack of sleep he's had. They put the kids to bed at 8:30pm and the boy usually wakes up around 7am, screaming and crying until they get him out (around 8:30am). Since my boyfriend works graveyard, he can't sleep when he comes home.

It's reached it's boiling point and I've become a far grumpier person than normal. My sarcasm and humor can't even save me from seeming entirely bitchy. It's time for them to go.
Time to put in the One-month eviction notice.

if they don't move, sic the police on them. they're fast wearing out their welcome and turning from Friends to Freeloaders.

if they sue, then turn around and counter sue.

if they truely have no where to go, contact the YMCA/YWCA. they can help.

oh, and another thing, you can always do a search for any case like this.

since the Husband is unable to provide for his family, I'm sure that's reason enough for DHS/CPS (child protection services) to step in.

if you can find cases where your state's CPS took children away because the parent(s) are unable to properly raise them, that might scare the father into taking work a little more seriously. Add to that the One Month to move out...

It's harsh but it has to be done or you will end up out on the streets as well.

Honestly I'd kick them out. They seemed rude and don't do shit. Then again I may be baised since I'm selfish bastard who probably wouldn't have let them stay in the 1st place.

Honestly I'd kick them out. They seemed rude and don't do shit. Then again I may be baised since I'm selfish bastard who probably wouldn't have let them stay in the 1st place.
Just admit it - you'd be the one staying forever and a day :p

meh. what kind of father if you if you won't even hold a fast food job to put money on the table.... why does he have 3 kids and is only able to work in fast food? .... if your b/f didn't smoke pot, i'd say report them for the drugs, friendship be damned... but since you're a sympathiser(sp) to that attitude, can't do nada about it.

I dunno, i don't think i would want to get a friend like that on my job, what if they do drug tests? (of course, you would know this if they did, so it might be a moot point)

but i agree w/ the others. give them a deadline and stick w/ it. If they want to be pissy about it, next time both of them are out of the house, get your locks changed and move their stuff outside.... you're in a sticky situation and i definitely wouldn't want to be in it... i have a friend who owes me 400$, it's getting to a point to where i'm not gonna consider him a friend anymore since he hasn't paid me back yet... (over 2 years ago). but that's a different story :p

*edit*

however, there was a simliar story w/ same friend who we told to get a job or get out... he got a job :p

Just admit it - you'd be the one staying forever and a day :p
I steal their stuff too:p

I agree with Ashmoria and JuNii. Tell them that by having them in your apartment, you're violating the terms of your lease, and that they have to leave within a month, or you'll all be out of the apartment.

When they do move out, make sure you/your BF are there, to make sure they don't "mistake your stuff for theirs". Also, if they have a key to the apartment, tell your landlord that you lost your key, and want a new lock on the apartment (this blocks them from coming back at a later date to "pick up stuff they forgot").

A couple of my former co-workers had a problem (very) similar to yours, and they didn't want a confrontation either, but they ended up having to get tough and boot the friends out.note... get the locks changes... no matter what. you never know if they obtained a copy of the keys..

I suppose being taken advantage of is not all that uncommon.

Originally I didn't think their children should have been taken away from them. The mother is young and didn't realize that her daughter was lactose intolerant. I thought they should have given them nutritional course or something.

Now I know better. Just the other night I had to get up at 4am to feed their newborn because they couldn't hear her crying in the same room (even though I could hear her crying from another room with a closed door). I tried to wake the mom up, but the baby was crying so bad I felt it was just easier to feed her myself.


Let me just say that you are the nicest person ever. I'm glad people like you are on the planet but there are others more deserving of your help. Time for some tough love.

Oh I just saw Nanny911 the other day for the first time (not something I would usually watch but I was waiting for the season priemere of the Simpsons) and they actually gave really good advice and it makes bad parents feel like shit. You should try to have that on around them. Maybe they will learn a few things about taking care of children.

Hang in there, girl! You're doing the right thing - don't let anyone tell you any different.

(What kind of work effort is that? And I feel with your BF, too...)

Keep us informed, and if nothing else helps, we shall send you a NSG relief task force to take care of your problem for good! :eek::sniper:

Don't let this go on forever - for your very own good.

Hope you'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief soon - until then, nerves of steel and all the best. :fluffle:

Thanks. I'm trying not to lose my faith in humanity for all of this. I'm sure I'll get back to normal once I have my domain back.

And I would love to have an NSG relief task force if just to meet everyone!

oh, and another thing, you can always do a search for any case like this.

since the Husband is unable to provide for his family, I'm sure that's reason enough for DHS/CPS (child protection services) to step in.

if you can find cases where your state's CPS took children away because the parent(s) are unable to properly raise them, that might scare the father into taking work a little more seriously. Add to that the One Month to move out...

It's harsh but it has to be done or you will end up out on the streets as well.

I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before CPS takes all three kids anyhow. They're already involved and they will notice if the kids aren't being taken care of properly. I spent a lot of time with bikers and I just have the mentality that you don't involve the authorities if it can be helped. It's one of those "beat their asses out of love" type things. :D

I steal their stuff too:p

Heeeyyy! Leave my stuff alone! :p

Let me just say that you are the nicest person ever. I'm glad people like you are on the planet but there are others more deserving of your help. Time for some tough love.

Oh I just saw Nanny911 the other day for the first time (not something I would usually watch but I was waiting for the season priemere of the Simpsons) and they actually gave really good advice and it makes bad parents feel like shit. You should try to have that on around them. Maybe they will learn a few things about taking care of children.

Thanks, but I'm beginning to regret it. I go through this all of the time. I have a very hard time socializing because of it. I'm afraid that someone truly deserving of my kindness will come along and I'll end up running them over with a truck because I'm tired of being used!

I love Nanny911. Some of those kids, OMG!!!

I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before CPS takes all three kids anyhow. They're already involved and they will notice if the kids aren't being taken care of properly. I spent a lot of time with bikers and I just have the mentality that you don't involve the authorities if it can be helped. It's one of those "beat their asses out of love" type things. :D

that's fine, but it's sounds like it's getting to the boiling point.

just remember, you can always rant here. ;) :fluffle:

I'd just like to point out that if you'd followed my advice, this wouldn't be a problem for you anymore...

...but an NSG Task Force could be arranged. :)

Yes, you are a sucker. Ever hear the saying, "There are no victims here only volunteers"? Until you are willing to do the hard job of confronting YOUR OWN DECISION you deserve everything that's happening to you. Your children don't, however. Can't you do what needs to be done for their sake? Come on, grow up and be responsible adult YOURSELF. Stop assuaging your own complicity in this debacle by resting on excues of being "a masochist" and "non-confrontational". And why is this your responsibility alone? What's up with your boyfriend? When is he going to step up?

Uhm...., and BTW, are you allowing anyone (boyfriend) to smoke pot in the house that your children live in? You could lose your own children if so. Justifiably too.