Ginnoria
20-08-2006, 21:52
NEW PLANET DISCOVERED A FEW MILES FROM EARTH, ASTRONOMERS SAY
August 19, 2006
CERRO PARANAL, CHILE - In a surprise statement to world leaders, astronomers attached to the Very Large Telescope project in Chile announced Saturday that an entirely new planet had been sighted as close as twelve miles away from the Earth.
"It's amazing that an entire planet in such close proximity to the Earth has gone unnoticed for all of modern history," said professional astronomer Norman Kleiner. "Even now, I can't believe we missed it." So far, sightings of this additional celestial body have not been confirmed. However, VLT believes that a planet of such size should be easily visible, and advises amateur astronomers or even casual onlookers to merely squint.
Scientists are currently struggling with the new discovery, initially unconvinced that the gravitational effect on the oceans' tides could have gone unnoticed as well. However, as early as yesterday, Physicist Bors Yerkov put forth the theory that the gravitational effect of the moon has been misinterperted to be responsible for tide variance caused by this new planet, and that the moon is actually composed of aged Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Retired astronaut Neil Armstrong, 76, expressed shock and disbelief at the idea that he had in fact walked upon frozen cheese.
NASA is currently facing public disgrace for the failure of the space stations, the Apollo project, satellites, and countless shuttle missions to catch sight of this mysterious planet. However, the latest press release from NASA indicates that they may have taken data on the planet, including a number of photographs, but the data has since been misplaced. An investigation is underway.
The naming of the newly discovered planet is now a matter of some contention. Many scientists have already taken to naming it 'Homer', but the official word from Washington has been that the planet will be named 'Planet Freedom' by executive order of the President. "The discovery of this planet must be followed by a decisive response by our military forces, and to boost morale, we have decided to go with 'Planet Freedom' for now," Bush administration spokesman Clyde Cuthbert said recently. "Whoever or whatever the denizens of Planet Freedom are, rest assured that we will soon liberate them from whatever regime they currently have, and bring democracy to the entire planet."
August 19, 2006
CERRO PARANAL, CHILE - In a surprise statement to world leaders, astronomers attached to the Very Large Telescope project in Chile announced Saturday that an entirely new planet had been sighted as close as twelve miles away from the Earth.
"It's amazing that an entire planet in such close proximity to the Earth has gone unnoticed for all of modern history," said professional astronomer Norman Kleiner. "Even now, I can't believe we missed it." So far, sightings of this additional celestial body have not been confirmed. However, VLT believes that a planet of such size should be easily visible, and advises amateur astronomers or even casual onlookers to merely squint.
Scientists are currently struggling with the new discovery, initially unconvinced that the gravitational effect on the oceans' tides could have gone unnoticed as well. However, as early as yesterday, Physicist Bors Yerkov put forth the theory that the gravitational effect of the moon has been misinterperted to be responsible for tide variance caused by this new planet, and that the moon is actually composed of aged Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Retired astronaut Neil Armstrong, 76, expressed shock and disbelief at the idea that he had in fact walked upon frozen cheese.
NASA is currently facing public disgrace for the failure of the space stations, the Apollo project, satellites, and countless shuttle missions to catch sight of this mysterious planet. However, the latest press release from NASA indicates that they may have taken data on the planet, including a number of photographs, but the data has since been misplaced. An investigation is underway.
The naming of the newly discovered planet is now a matter of some contention. Many scientists have already taken to naming it 'Homer', but the official word from Washington has been that the planet will be named 'Planet Freedom' by executive order of the President. "The discovery of this planet must be followed by a decisive response by our military forces, and to boost morale, we have decided to go with 'Planet Freedom' for now," Bush administration spokesman Clyde Cuthbert said recently. "Whoever or whatever the denizens of Planet Freedom are, rest assured that we will soon liberate them from whatever regime they currently have, and bring democracy to the entire planet."