NationStates Jolt Archive

Question feilded by my ever-patient fiance:
"Hypothetically, if two people were engaged in some of the following kinky experiences; bondage with silken scarves and/or Rotovia's belt on a four poster bed, school-girl roleplay including Mr Rotovia and myself, and thrusting in every single position imaginable (I was a figure skater and gymnast), should they be coming, despite the use of SSRIs and excessive consumption of alcohol? We truly do have a rather amazing sex life, so why aren't we coming?"

PS: Rotovia hasn't been killed by his alcoholism or Massad.

Dearie me :eep:

Relax. You're probably just trying too hard. Try a nice, warm, candlelit bubblebath and some gentle massage instead of the Cirque du Soliel stuff. Good luck!

Dearie me :eep:
Thank you, Margaret Thatcher

If she's not coming, could be she's not enjoying it. No orgasms, rien?

If you're not, just try to stay in one place long enough. Inquiry's right, you're not Cirque de Soleil.

Question feilded by my ever-patient fiance:
"Hypothetically, if two people were engaged in some of the following kinky experiences; bondage with silken scarves and/or Rotovia's belt on a four poster bed, school-girl roleplay including Mr Rotovia and myself, and thrusting in every single position imaginable (I was a figure skater and gymnast), should they be coming, despite the use of SSRIs and excessive consumption of alcohol? We truly do have a rather amazing sex life, so why aren't we coming?"

PS: Rotovia hasn't been killed by his alcoholism or Massad.

Give me the good ol' days when a man stuck his rod into a vagina and the girl simply said, "Is it in yet?"

Give me the good ol' days when a man stuck his rod into a vagina and the girl simply said, "Is it in yet?"

Or the days where his wife stayed in the kitchen?

If she's not coming, could be she's not enjoying it. No orgasms, rien?

If you're not, just try to stay in one place long enough. Inquiry's right, you're not Cirque de Soleil.

Trust me, I enjoy it. - Grace.

Or the days where his wife stayed in the kitchen?
*Wipes tear from eye*

Oh yes, those days too.

*Wipes tear from eye*

Oh yes, those days too.
Are you trying to get me killed?! -Rot

Umpa umpa... well, I'll go out on a branch and say that around 80% of the women(Or around those figures, +-10%) can't reach climax just through intercourse... I've only met a few myself. But you should be able to finish the job in some way, either with wax on, wax off or by chewing the moldy sardine:)

Umpa umpa... well, I'll go out on a branch and say that around 80% of the women(Or around those figures, +-10%) can't reach climax just through intercourse... I've only met a few myself. But you should be able to finish the job in some way, either with wax on, wax off or by chewing the moldy sardine:)

...possibly some of the silliest euphamisms I've heard....

...possibly some of the silliest euphamisms I've heard....

Well, I just got up after working the night-shift and I happened to slip into a dirty version of the monty python-humor, you mustn't judge:)

We truly do have a rather amazing sex life, so why aren't we coming?"

Why should you ? Climaxes are nice, but sex can be fun without them. Stop focussing on the climax, start having fun ;)

Umpa umpa... well, I'll go out on a branch and say that around 80% of the women(Or around those figures, +-10%) can't reach climax just through intercourse... I've only met a few myself. But you should be able to finish the job in some way, either with wax on, wax off or by chewing the moldy sardine:)

I can climax during sex. I have with Rotovia before. - Grace.

Does her father hate you?

Umm, do yall just get down to business, or do yall do a little foreplay and oral?

Can we join in ?

It happens to me from time to time and it has nothing to do with positions, kinkyness, etc. You just need to be relaxed. Can be as easy as taking a break from sex for a little while. Orgasm shouldn't be an obligation, anyway.

Does her father hate you?
Probably. Fathers hate anyone who has sex with their daughter(s). They may learn to forget about it, but they still hate them. :)

It happens to me from time to time and it has nothing to do with positions, kinkyness, etc. You just need to be relaxed. Can be as easy as taking a break from sex for a little while. Orgasm shouldn't be an obligation, anyway.
Have you seen her?

Have you seen her?
Has nothing to do with that, I tell you.

Foreplay and oral is very important!

what the hell is going on in this thread?

what the hell is going on in this thread?

Problem in bed between the engaged couple. Apparently one of them can't reach climax.

Problem in bed between the engaged couple. Apparently one of them can't reach climax.

Both, is what the OP seems to indicate.

what the hell is going on in this thread?
Nothing...

Problem in bed between the engaged couple. Apparently one of them can't reach climax.


well then one isnt trying hard enough.....

watch some porn, take some notes, within a week everything should be okay.

Nothing...


ah i see....

Rotovia's my bitch. - Grace.

Rotovia's my bitch. - Grace.
You being on Jolt concerns me. This is where I come to make comments like "women are like property, you pay for their upkeep and maintenance and get to occupy the premises at leisure. But, like an investment property, once you lease it out to someone else, you can never live in it again. Furthermore, like real estate, if someone breaks into the backdoor, you should be allowed to waste the fucker"

Or the days where his wife stayed in the kitchen?
Ah yes. The good ol' days where a wife was an appliance you screwed on the bed to do the cooking and dishes.

How do I put this so it will be "PG"....

Rot, old boy...

I recommend you umm...."develop a taste for dam-building rodents..."

Or, a bit more crudely...

"Learn to yodel in the canyon..."

Or:

"Find the little man in the sailboat".

or.."Have lunch at the Y..."

Ahem...

Capice?

How do I put this so it will be "PG"....

Rot, old boy...

I recommend you umm...."develop a taste for dam-building rodents..."

Or, a bit more crudely...

"Learn to yodel in the canyon..."

Or:

"Find the little man in the sailboat".

or.."Have lunch at the Y..."

Ahem...

Capice?
Under normal circumstances, we don't need... This is the point where I should fork out for credit, text Grace, and get her to answer this :P

Under normal circumstances, we don't need... This is the point where I should fork out for credit, text Grace, and get her to answer this :P


She will agree with me.

and I tell you now...

This is the way to "pwn" them forever.

Get really good at that, and they are yours forever...
It works MIRACLES.

Under normal circumstances, we don't need... This is the point where I should fork out for credit, text Grace, and get her to answer this :P

Perhaps it's not a question of need, but my experience has been that recieving is always fun...

Perhaps it's not a question of need, but my experience has been that recieving is alway fun... Amen to that.

Amen to that.
Finally! Something I can believe in and worship!

Finally! Something I can believe in and worship!
Heh, good for you. :D

Heh, good for you. :D
*gets down on his knees to . . . pray*

She will agree with me.

and I tell you now...

This is the way to "pwn" them forever.

Get really good at that, and they are yours forever...
It works MIRACLES.
Testify, brother!

Question feilded by my ever-patient fiance:
"Hypothetically, if two people were engaged in some of the following kinky experiences; bondage with silken scarves and/or Rotovia's belt on a four poster bed, school-girl roleplay including Mr Rotovia and myself, and thrusting in every single position imaginable (I was a figure skater and gymnast), should they be coming, despite the use of SSRIs and excessive consumption of alcohol? We truly do have a rather amazing sex life, so why aren't we coming?"

PS: Rotovia hasn't been killed by his alcoholism or Massad.


For some men, SSRIs can make you anorgasmic. You can go forever, or until you feel like finishing.

Question feilded by my ever-patient fiance:
"Hypothetically, if two people were engaged in some of the following kinky experiences; bondage with silken scarves and/or Rotovia's belt on a four poster bed, school-girl roleplay including Mr Rotovia and myself, and thrusting in every single position imaginable (I was a figure skater and gymnast), should they be coming, despite the use of SSRIs and excessive consumption of alcohol? We truly do have a rather amazing sex life, so why aren't we coming?"

PS: Rotovia hasn't been killed by his alcoholism or Massad.


One word alcahol!

if you never have an orgasm (either of you) you have a problem. if you are both having orgasms on a fairly regular basis but not every time, you are FINE.

its a learning process. sometimes the common wisdom of what is hot is wrong for you. dont worry if being tied up isnt what gets you off. go on to something else and see if you enjoy that more.

go back to basics and learn what it takes for each of you to climax. when you have this basic thing down pretty well (no woman orgasms every time. no one has a mindblowing orgasm every time) go back to the kinkier stuff. take your time, you have 70 years of good sex ahead of you. no need to rush

if you are missing orgasm on certain activities only, maybe you arent "doing it right" or maybe its just not for you. some things just dont do it for you, no big deal.

no, dont look at porn and take tips. porn isnt real. your girl is real. you have to learn what works for HER. and for you.

practice practice practice.

to me, its important to have at least one orgasm out of a sexual session. it doesnt matter so much if it doesnt happen during this activity or that activity as long as it happens some time. its great when everything leads to orgasm but it sucks big time to spend an evening "doing it" and never getting off. consider meeting her needs earlier, then going on to experiment so that no matter what, she has been satisfied.

edit:
try sex while you are sober. excessive consumption is bad for sexual performance.

[QUOTE=Rotovia-] (I was a figure skater and gymnast), QUOTE]

I bet Mr Rotovia is very happy! :fluffle:
Take your time. Relax..maybe your doing it too much?:D

You're probably not hitting her hard enough.

You're probably not hitting her hard enough.
She's not hitting him hard enough.

She's not hitting him hard enough.

As long as someone gets beat up, my work here is done.

Under normal circumstances, we don't need... This is the point where I should fork out for credit, text Grace, and get her to answer this :P

I wish she had another name. When I hear the name "Grace" on this forum I cant help but think of Tactical Grace. Now my mind is littered with images and debris from images of you having circus stunt sex with TG.

You silly kids..

Sex is for making babies, not for pleasure.

You being on Jolt concerns me. This is where I come to make comments like "women are like property, you pay for their upkeep and maintenance and get to occupy the premises at leisure. But, like an investment property, once you lease it out to someone else, you can never live in it again. Furthermore, like real estate, if someone breaks into the backdoor, you should be allowed to waste the fucker"

Thanks for all the love and such. I'll leave.

Thanks for all the love and such. I'll leave.
Have a banana flavored condom, and don't let the dildo-door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

Thanks for all the love and such. I'll leave.
Get back here you, If I get to pry into your LJ, you're allowed on NS General. Though, it would be cool if you could work on the smell Raysia left in the corner.

Have a banana flavored condom, and don't let the dildo-door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

Mmm...banana.

Have a banana flavored condom, and don't let the dildo-door hit ya where the good lord split ya.Oi! That's my fiance Ruffy. Behave or I'll tell [violet] where you keep your kiddie porn.

Oi! That's my fiance Ruffy. Behave or I'll tell [violet] where you keep your kiddie porn.
:eek:

*flees*