NationStates Jolt Archive

Yes, so this was my first day as a telephone interviewer for Germany's third-biggest public opinion poll institute. Yes, so I'm young, my uni introduced tutition fees, and I need the money. Oh, and allow me to add that apart from this, er, job, I also hold somewhat left-ish views and am a deviously homosexual atheist. With these caveats duly noticed, allow me to share some parts of my first three interviews..

A. (my very very first interview EVER!)

Me: May I now ask you to name those political areas that are most important to you?
Nutcase1: Yes, those homosexuals! Something seriously needs to be done about them! In the earlier days, they and everybody else accepted that they were mentally dmaged and in need of therapy, but now.. no, this needs some serious taking care of!
Me: Okay.. so may I log this in as "family politics" for you? Good. Second question, what do you criticize about today's newspapers?
Nutcase1: They don't cover religion enough, especially the pope! And I don't like how they criticize the church all the time, and that they don't print moral advice columns very much.
Me: Yes, I'll jot that down..

B. (just as the shock form the first one wore off)

Me: May I now ask you to name those political areas that are most important to you?
Nutcase2: The international Capitalist Conspiracy! They have to be battled with all our might!
Me: *searches feverishly in list for something suitable* Yes.. may I categorize this as "foreign policy" for you? No? Okay.. how about "battling organized crime"?
Nutcase2: Yes! That's it exactly! They are all criminals! They need to get lined up and shot!
Me: Alright; I'll put this down as "battling organized crime", then..

c. (just a bit amusing..)

Me: What do you criticize about today's newspapers?
Nutcase3: Well, I find them all to be a bit dull; they don't cover such exciting things as make-up and other beauty products enough, and there aren't enough pictures.
Me: *reading out loud as I write; trying hard not to laugh* "Not enough of such interesting things such as make-up and beauty products", right? I'll put that down for you.



Jeez! I want an "I'm a total nutcase and shall not be counted into any public survey polls because I've completely lost it and am a disgrace to my poor country!" option that I could offer.

So.. anybody have similar experiences? Or does anybody want to out themselves as one of those particularly funny interviewees themselves, in whatever way? Any condolences for my toture, and/or the obvioulsy miserable state my country is in?

Yes, so I'm young, my uni introduced tutition fees, and I need the money.
As in, they didn't have tuition before? You lucky bastard...

It's okay, Oeck. The only difference you'd get in Aus is the third one would probably have been about Cane Toads.

Nutbags is nutbags, the world over.

Telephone interviews? Maybe all the decent people are out working...

You have a terrific job. I'd love to get paid to talk to nutcases like that all day. Wait a minute, I post on NS General from work. I do talk to nutcases all day. Yay me!

You have a terrific job. I'd love to get paid to talk to nutcases like that all day. Wait a minute, I post on NS General from work. I do talk to nutcases all day. Yay me!Do you get paid to do it, though?

O. M. G. You've become a pseudo-telemarketer!

I blame myself for having neglected your well being this summer. Sucks about the tuitions, though. *hopes Sweden never, ever, ever introduces them*

They could be joking around with you.

Well, I guess I've hung up on a telephone interviewer-person before. I say "guess" because it's just now that I realize it probably wasn't a computer asking me about Hilary Clinton.

It's okay, Oeck. The only difference you'd get in Aus is the third one would probably have been about Cane Toads.
Ah, the sequel to Snakes on a Plane: Toads on a Cane.

-snip-

Then they voted. :)

Do you get paid to do it, though?
I post from work, so I sort of do.

As in, they didn't have tuition before? You lucky bastard...
On both counts.. as I said, I'm German.

Telephone interviews? Maybe all the decent people are out working...
You call people working on Saturday afternons decent?

You have a terrific job. I'd love to get paid to talk to nutcases like that all day. Wait a minute, I post on NS General from work. I do talk to nutcases all day. Yay me!
You know, I'd love that spect too if I wouldn't have to stay all polite, neutral, and un-giggly.

O. M. G. You've become a pseudo-telemarketer!

I blame myself for having neglected your well being this summer.
*phone voice* No, sir, I may indeed promise you that we are a serious institution; this survey is competely anonymous and we will not send you things afterwards*

You better, too. See hwta I had to resort to for lack of decent nutcases.

You sure they just weren't messing with you because they don't like telephone surveys? Say, that's not a bad idea, next time one of those folks call...

Yes, so this was my first day as a telephone interviewer for Germany's third-biggest public opinion poll institute. Yes, so I'm young, my uni introduced tutition fees, and I need the money. Oh, and allow me to add that apart from this, er, job, I also hold somewhat left-ish views and am a deviously homosexual atheist. With these caveats duly noticed, allow me to share some parts of my first three interviews..

A. (my very very first interview EVER!)

Me: May I now ask you to name those political areas that are most important to you?
Nutcase1: Yes, those homosexuals! Something seriously needs to be done about them! In the earlier days, they and everybody else accepted that they were mentally dmaged and in need of therapy, but now.. no, this needs some serious taking care of!
Me: Okay.. so may I log this in as "family politics" for you? Good. Second question, what do you criticize about today's newspapers?
Nutcase1: They don't cover religion enough, especially the pope! And I don't like how they criticize the church all the time, and that they don't print moral advice columns very much.
Me: Yes, I'll jot that down..

B. (just as the shock form the first one wore off)

Me: May I now ask you to name those political areas that are most important to you?
Nutcase2: The international Capitalist Conspiracy! They have to be battled with all our might!
Me: *searches feverishly in list for something suitable* Yes.. may I categorize this as "foreign policy" for you? No? Okay.. how about "battling organized crime"?
Nutcase2: Yes! That's it exactly! They are all criminals! They need to get lined up and shot!
Me: Alright; I'll put this down as "battling organized crime", then..

c. (just a bit amusing..)

Me: What do you criticize about today's newspapers?
Nutcase3: Well, I find them all to be a bit dull; they don't cover such exciting things as make-up and other beauty products enough, and there aren't enough pictures.
Me: *reading out loud as I write; trying hard not to laugh* "Not enough of such interesting things such as make-up and beauty products", right? I'll put that down for you.



Jeez! I want an "I'm a total nutcase and shall not be counted into any public survey polls because I've completely lost it and am a disgrace to my poor country!" option that I could offer.

So.. anybody have similar experiences? Or does anybody want to out themselves as one of those particularly funny interviewees themselves, in whatever way? Any condolences for my toture, and/or the obvioulsy miserable state my country is in?I was talking to a Democrat signwaver... she stated... (we are talking state Government, not federal.)
Her: "We shouldn't let the Republicans win, they won't let the Democrats do anything."
Me: "isn't it that way now? the Democrats are in power and they stiffle all the Repulican efforts in the government?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "So what's the difference?"
Her: "the difference is that the Republicans will prevent anything the Democrats want to do."
Me: "But the Democrats are doing that now, right?"
Her: "Yep"
Me: "so again, what's the difference?... prices have been steadily going up right? cost of living is reaching an all time high, and things are going down hill... all while the Democrats are in power preventing the Republicans from doing anything. so why not try having the Republicans run things?"
Her "Because, if the Republicans get into power, they won't let the Democrats do anything."

I never heard anyone so... robotic and mindless that wasn't on the TV/Radio... :rolleyes:

*phone voice* No, sir, I may indeed promise you that we are a serious institution; this survey is competely anonymous and we will not send you things afterwards*

It's more awful than I ever could have imagined. You don't deal in trinkets - you deal in the erosion of privacy!

You better, too. See hwta I had to resort to for lack of decent nutcases.

We've spoken about your flatmates, so don't give me that guilt trip.

They could be joking around with you.
Trust me, they didn't. I had someone being all funny and oh-so-clever and shit, but these weren't. I pull things like that enough myself; I know one when I see/hear one.

Then they voted.

That reminds me..

Me: Allow me to ask you which one of these parties you'd vote for if next Sunday there were federal elections? *snip list*
Nutcase4: Well, these days, one really can't vote for any other party than the NPD (Nationaldemokratische Partei Deutschlands, a neonazi party) any longer, eh?
Me: *wants to say "Yes, you actually can, this is kinda why I gave you a list of 6 choices, you know?"*

You call people working on Saturday afternons decent?
I don't know, I suspect you work on Saturday afternoons too :p

Now that they've changed the Ladenschlussgesetz though, I'm sure we'll see a lot more decent people working on Saturday afternoons.

You sure they just weren't messing with you because they don't like telephone surveys? Say, that's not a bad idea, next time one of those folks call...
I've heard... lots.. of, umm, funny behaviour and/or phrases that related to my interview partner's lack of interest in this sort of thing (the scariest was:"No...I really don't want to talk.. to anybody..anymore..I feel really down now..soo..goodbye.."), but no.

*snip*
I never heard anyone so... robotic and mindless that wasn't on the TV/Radio...
Try telephone interviewers at the end of their day (hint: around 8 p.m.)- you'll be amazed.

It's more awful than I ever could have imagined. You don't deal in trinkets - you deal in the erosion of privacy!

AND in the erosion of national morale and any moral fibre of today's youth, especially the young goodlooking females' one. But who am I telling this..

We've spoken about your flatmates, so don't give me that guilt trip.
You really think their combined forces can measure up to our effort? Puh-lease, modesty doesn't suit you, honey.

I don't know, I suspect you work on Saturday afternoons too
My point exactly.

Try telephone interviewers at the end of their day (hint: around 8 p.m.)- you'll be amazed.

well, they do have a script they must follow... this was a person on the street...

well, they do have a script they must follow... this was a person on the street...
.. and I promise you I sound different reading you my list of 9 newspapers you are supposed to choose the mos trustworthy one at the end of my workday than at the beginning, and I also promise you the former will be a strong incentive to hurl some terrible noise at me to make me stop and/or hang up- monotonous doesn't even begin to cover it. And, surprisingly enough, even while maintaining the standards as I brilliantly do, you have quite some room to make the interview fun for your interviewee or... not.

.. and I promise you I sound different reading you my list of 9 newspapers you are supposed to choose the mos trustworthy one at the end of my workday than at the beginning, and I also promise you the former will be a strong incentive to hurl some terrible noise at me to make me stop and/or hang up- monotonous doesn't even begin to cover it. And, surprisingly enough, even while maintaining the standards as I brilliantly do, you have quite some room to make the interview fun for your interviewee or... not.
...

I think I got you once... if you did ask that question... :p

AND in the erosion of national morale and any moral fibre of today's youth, especially the young goodlooking females' one. But who am I telling this.

I'm a moral boy. Don't insinuate otherwise.

You really think their combined forces can measure up to our effort? Puh-lease, modesty doesn't suit you, honey.

Not modesty, just rose-glasses.

...

I think I got you once... if you did ask that question... :p
Did Germany recently annex Hawaii? :confused: :p

...
I think I got you once... if you did ask that question... :p
I think it's more appropriate to say that I got you, then.


I'm a moral boy. Don't insinuate otherwise.
Never ever have I done that, teacher.
Not modesty, just rose-glasses.
To go with your glitter? How extraordinarily..moral.

Did Germany recently annex Hawaii?
Why yes, didn't you hear about that? Anyway, may I now ask you about your sentiments on that? *ready to take your answer*
P.S. Did I already tell you about the woman who unfortunately couldn't answer one of my questions because she'd never heard of neither Angela Merkel nor Gerhard Schröder?

I think it's more appropriate to say that I got you, then.



Never ever have I done that, teacher.

To go with your glitter? How extraordinarily..moral.


Why yes, didn't you hear about that? Anyway, may I now ask you about your sentiments on that? *ready to take your answer*
P.S. Did I already tell you about the woman who unfortunately couldn't answer one of my questions because she'd never heard of neither Angela Merkel nor Gerhard Schröder?

What is that? Some new side dish:p

Did Germany recently annex Hawaii? :confused: :p
I've had some pretty weird wrong numbers... :D

I had one of those jobs once, it sucked.

I did get fired though ;)

Never ever have I done that, teacher

You're such a lousy denier.

To go with your glitter? How extraordinarily..moral.

Glitter only in my hair. And it looks kick-ass.

What is that? Some new side dish:p
I'm sorry; this isn't the Random Comment of the Day Award Nominations Thread you seem to be looking for; you might want to contact Mr. Lunatic Goofballs who happens to have posted in this thread for that, though.

I may just get this job to be a smartass to the other smartasses on the phone.

Me: Sir what newspaper do you usually read?
Smartass: I don't like the news
Me: So thats Daily Sport ( basically a porn paper)

I don't see it lasting very long though

Why yes, didn't you hear about that? Anyway, may I now ask you about your sentiments on that? *ready to take your answer*
P.S. Did I already tell you about the woman who unfortunately couldn't answer one of my questions because she'd never heard of neither Angela Merkel nor Gerhard Schröder?
Errr... I hate sourkraut?

I heard of both of em... just now... when you posted it... :D

I had one of those jobs once, it sucked.
I did get fired though ;)
Tell me about it. About the job as well as the firing reason, that is.

You're such a lousy denier.
Which makes you a lousy teacher.
Glitter only in my hair. And it looks kick-ass.
I think we've been over this, umm, slight derangement of taste of yours as far as..that.. is concerned before, and reached the conclusion that we better agree to disagree, non?

Which makes you a lousy teacher

I never accepted the position in the first place.

I think we've been over this, umm, slight derangement of taste of yours as far as..that.. is concerned before, and reached the conclusion that we better agree to disagree, non?

No, we reached the conclusion that I have style and you don't because you are a lesbian and we called it a day (or night, as it was.)

I may just get this job to be a smartass to the other smartasses on the phone.

Me: Sir what newspaper do you usually read?
Smartass: I don't like the news
Me: So thats Daily Sport ( basically a porn paper)

I don't see it lasting very long though
To be honest, I don't see you getting the job in the first place like that.

Errr... I hate sourkraut?
So do I, and any other modern German with any taste at all. Welcome; you'll fit right in.
I heard of both of em... just now... when you posted it...
So you're on of those who read my posts out aloud? Creepy, that.

To be honest, I don't see you getting the job in the first place like that.


So do I, and any other modern German with any taste at all. Welcome; you'll fit right in.

So you're on of those who read my posts out aloud? Creepy, that.

Thats when you lie during the interview and such. Seriously you're always going to get people like that on the other side of the phone but its just part of the job

I never accepted the position in the first place.
Ah, now that you mention it I remember that we never reached an agreement about how much your say in such things matters, or in fact doesn't, either.

No, we reached the conclusion that I have style and you don't because you are a lesbian and we called it a day (or night, as it was.)
Yes, I remember that foolhardy claim of yours- but I think we rather called it a damn early morning; I do think I'd remember any obvious exceptions from the rule.

Seriously you're always going to get people like that on the other side of the phone but its just part of the job
Why yes, but it wouldn't be half the fun if you didn't go to NSG and bitch about it later .

Ah, now that you mention it I remember that we never reached an agreement about how much your say in such things matters, or in fact doesn't, either.

Then my failure to instil in you propriety regards me none.

Yes, I remember that foolhardy claim of yours- but I think we rather called it a damn early morning; I do think I'd remember any obvious exceptions from the rule.

You were too busy admiring your dykey candles to pay attention to the very true concessions you were making to my points.

Then my failure to instil in you propriety regards me none.
You know it's true / everything I do / I learnt it from you.

You were too busy admiring your dykey candles to pay attention to the very true concessions you were making to my points.
Somehow, curiosly enough, I find it to be you who seems to be obsessed with the thought of candles, not me. I never even knew I was supposed to ave a special attachement to them before you started bringing it up without fail every single time we talked..

You know it's true / everything I do / I learnt it from you.

Ugh. 3 lashes for that.

Somehow, curiosly enough, I find it to be you who seems to be obsessed with the thought of candles, not me. I never even knew I was supposed to ave a special attachement to them before you started bringing it up without fail every single time we talked..

That's 'cause you were not aware of your own stereotypical existence. If you think I'm going to let you diss my glitter without dragging your saphisms out, then you truly have not learnt much from me at all, which, of course, means I win once more.

Why yes, but it wouldn't be half the fun if you didn't go to NSG and bitch about it later .

Now that I agree with

Ugh. 3 lashes for that.
With limp wrists or not?

That's 'cause you were not aware of your own stereotypical existence. If you think I'm going to let you diss my glitter without dragging your saphisms out, then you truly have not learnt much from me at all, which, of course, means I win once more.
But you see, sweetheart, that your glitter is real, while my candles are just in your sky, on your clouds. And, once again, I must warn you that you *will* fail your evaluation if you let my, umm, edutainment slip so much much longer. And don't you dare blame me, and/or use such lousy excuses such as 'technical circumstances'..

Now that I agree with
Good, that's always a wise thing to do in my thread(s).

With limp wrists or not?

I was thinking more gelatinous dongs. I know how your people likes those.

But you see, sweetheart, that your glitter is real, while my candles are just in your sky, on your clouds.

There's that sub par denial thing again.

And, once again, I must warn you that you *will* fail your evaluation if you let my, umm, edutainment slip so much much longer. And don't you dare blame me, and/or use such lousy excuses such as 'technical circumstances'..

Oh, noes. Next thing you know, some German squad will make their way into my homeland and force me to fear for my life and curse the day I ever got involved with a clingy tribade.

I was thinking more gelatinous dongs. I know how your people likes those.
I refuse to comment and/or firmly convince myself you're talking of these ultra-cool gummy coin-shaped candy things?

There's that sub par denial thing again.
Bad habits are hard to break.


Oh, noes. Next thing you know, some German squad will make their way into my homeland and force me to fear for my life [..]
Why yes; I ven told you the date just, uh, yesterday?
[..] and curse the day I ever got involved with a clingy tribade.
You don't already on a semi-daily basis? Color me astonished.

Tell me about it. About the job as well as the firing reason, that is.
I worked for a company that worked for a company that they couldn't disclose to us, but anyway, we were doing phone surveys about local fast food restraunts in a state that borders mine.

We were supposed to say "we have a short 10 minute survey" but really it took about an hour. All of the questions were repetitive and people would get pissed off at me

"How many times a week do you eat at fast food restraunts?
once a week, two times a week, three times a week, four times a week, five times a week, six times a week, or everyday"
"about 5 or 6"
"is that closer to 5 or 6?"
"it's around there"
"you have to pick one"
"one"


:rolleyes:

I got fired because I cussed out a person after they had hung up. Lucky me, it was one of the calls that was being "monitored for quality assurance"

We were supposed to say "we have a short 10 minute survey" but really it took about an hour. All of the questions were repetitive and people would get pissed off at me

"How many times a week do you eat at fast food restraunts?
once a week, two times a week, three times a week, four times a week, five times a week, six times a week, or everyday"
"about 5 or 6"
"is that closer to 5 or 6?"
"it's around there"
"you have to pick one"
"one"

"On a scale of one to ten, with one being 'not interested at all' and ten being 'highly interested', how would you rate your interest in TV sports programs?
"Oh, I like them alright." *pause*
"Yes, but on a scale from *snip*"
"Oh, alright, maybe I don't like them *that* much after all."
"Okay, and on a scale of *snip* where would you put that?"
"Dunno, zero?"


I got fired because I cussed out a person after they had hung up. Lucky me, it was one of the calls that was being "monitored for quality assurance"
Yeah, we get 10% of all calls monitored. ..and you may not say whatever the hell you want to as long as there's no customer/interviewee on the line? Strange.

IWhy yes; I ven told you the date just, uh, yesterday?

I repress it everytime so that I don't have to cower.

You don't already on a semi-daily basis? Color me astonished.

The summer has made me remiss.

I repress it everytime so that I don't have to cower.
I like the idea as well as the mental image; too bad you're only bauchpinseling me. Yes, I just re-discovered one of my fave German words, and you're my most convenient victim.

The summer has made me remiss.
You? Remiss? I feel scared, please tell me I don't have to.

"On a scale of one to ten, with one being 'not interested at all' and ten being 'highly interested', how would you rate your interest in TV sports programs?
"Oh, I like them alright." *pause*
"Yes, but on a scale from *snip*"
"Oh, alright, maybe I don't like them *that* much after all."
"Okay, and on a scale of *snip* where would you put that?"
"Dunno, zero?"

yep, those are the idiots I got on the phone with too.


Yeah, we get 10% of all calls monitored. ..and you may not say whatever the hell you want to as long as there's no customer/interviewee on the line? Strange.
they said it was "inappropriate speech for the workplace environment"

nevermind the fact that the guy who fired me had tried to ask me out on a date the day before and when I said no, he called me a fucking slut, yeah, that's appropriate.

Oh well, I collected unemployment off of them for like 3 months and filed a report against him and the company, I don't think they have offices here anymore......

yep, those are the idiots I got on the phone with too.
I quite like tht menue though that I get when I had to terminate a call/interview; one of the listed reasons I can choose is "person was dimwitted*"

*yes, the actual German word is 'begriffsstutzig', and I hope some Germans show up here and confirm that this is indeed a rather rude word to address the fact that this person was not cognitively able to complete this interview with me..

they said it was "inappropriate speech for the workplace environment"
Only in the USA..
Oh well, I collected unemployment off of them for like 3 months and filed a report against him and the company, I don't think they have offices here anymore......
Only in the USA..

yep, those are the idiots I got on the phone with too.



they said it was "inappropriate speech for the workplace environment"

nevermind the fact that the guy who fired me had tried to ask me out on a date the day before and when I said no, he called me a fucking slut, yeah, that's appropriate.

Oh well, I collected unemployment off of them for like 3 months and filed a report against him and the company, I don't think they have offices here anymore......
yeah, they moved here... I remember that survey.... got that survey 3 times.