Ginnoria
18-08-2006, 04:50
TERRORISTS ATTEMPT PLANE HIJACKING WITH PLASTIC SPORKS, Q-TIPS
LONDON, U.K. - In a terrifying coordinated hijacking of American Airlines Flight 74 en route to New York on Wednesday, Islamic extremists, allegedly with ties to the Al Qaeda terrorist network, attempted to gain control of the aircraft over the mid-Atlantic. Among the weapons employed against the pilots were plastic picnic utensils, paper napkins, and Q-Tips. There are still unconfirmed reports, but the evidence gathered so far strongly suggests that the would-be hijackers were in fact armed with sporks.
Fortunately for the free world and Western Civilization, undercover sky marshals were able to avert the crisis using non-lethal methods. All five hijackers are now in custody. Among them is infamous terrorist Ahmed Mohammed, who is believed to have also masterminded their methods of smuggling innocuous yet highly dangerous plastic weaponry onto the plane.
"I was afraid for my life," said airline pilot Hans Jacobson. "Two of them held sporks to the back of my neck while the rest subdued the stewardesses." Jacobson further remarked that he was "frozen with fear" as a third hijacker began to threaten him with a complimentary peanut taken from an in-flight meal. His copilot, Michael Ander, is currently hospitalized, the hijackers having lodged several Q-Tips in his nasal cavities after he refused to cooperate with them.
The hijackers' plans for the aircraft are still unclear, although authorities have speculated that they intended to crash the plane into the Statue of Liberty in New York City. Further questioning of the passengers revealed that they were frightened into submission by the terrorists' claims that certain of their carry-on bags contained poisonous snakes.
"This represents a huge victory for our counter-terrorism measures," said Homeland Security official Colonel David Sanders. He went on to say that there was an 'apparent failure' of security checks in the London airport. An investigation is underway, but it appears that airline security was duped into believing that the hijackers were planning a harmless picnic on their holiday in the United States. Nevertheless, Sanders levelled criticisms against airport security, remarking that the conspicuous absence of tablecloths should have been a dead give-away.
LONDON, U.K. - In a terrifying coordinated hijacking of American Airlines Flight 74 en route to New York on Wednesday, Islamic extremists, allegedly with ties to the Al Qaeda terrorist network, attempted to gain control of the aircraft over the mid-Atlantic. Among the weapons employed against the pilots were plastic picnic utensils, paper napkins, and Q-Tips. There are still unconfirmed reports, but the evidence gathered so far strongly suggests that the would-be hijackers were in fact armed with sporks.
Fortunately for the free world and Western Civilization, undercover sky marshals were able to avert the crisis using non-lethal methods. All five hijackers are now in custody. Among them is infamous terrorist Ahmed Mohammed, who is believed to have also masterminded their methods of smuggling innocuous yet highly dangerous plastic weaponry onto the plane.
"I was afraid for my life," said airline pilot Hans Jacobson. "Two of them held sporks to the back of my neck while the rest subdued the stewardesses." Jacobson further remarked that he was "frozen with fear" as a third hijacker began to threaten him with a complimentary peanut taken from an in-flight meal. His copilot, Michael Ander, is currently hospitalized, the hijackers having lodged several Q-Tips in his nasal cavities after he refused to cooperate with them.
The hijackers' plans for the aircraft are still unclear, although authorities have speculated that they intended to crash the plane into the Statue of Liberty in New York City. Further questioning of the passengers revealed that they were frightened into submission by the terrorists' claims that certain of their carry-on bags contained poisonous snakes.
"This represents a huge victory for our counter-terrorism measures," said Homeland Security official Colonel David Sanders. He went on to say that there was an 'apparent failure' of security checks in the London airport. An investigation is underway, but it appears that airline security was duped into believing that the hijackers were planning a harmless picnic on their holiday in the United States. Nevertheless, Sanders levelled criticisms against airport security, remarking that the conspicuous absence of tablecloths should have been a dead give-away.