NationStates Jolt Archive

I like writing song lyrics with no hope of ever hearing them anywhere other than my mind. So I come to NS General to see what the population thinks of the meter, topic, rhymes, and whatever else. Please don't be too harsh! Though constructive criticism is appreciated.
Don't Play Fair
Heart Attack
Your sexy self better keep coming back.
I can't think.
My mind and heart are on the blink.

Please, baby.
Don't you see, maybe
I want you lately
More and more greatly.

Honey keep it coming.
Man, my heart is drumming.
You must tell me what to do.
Don't tell me we're through.
Ooh something inside
me cannot abide
you being over there
so come on over and don't play fair.

I don't know
what to think or do or where to go.
In the mood
for something hot and for something crude.

Need nothing
only want something
out of you honey.
Just goods not money.

Man, my heart is drumming....

Mmm...that's it baby you know what to do.
Ouch...you're so good you make me want to sue.
Oh...we stay foreverbecause I don't care.
*gasp*...just as long as you don't play fair.

I would suggest "on the brink" as opposed to "on the blink" for the 5th line.

I would suggest "on the brink" as opposed to "on the blink" for the 5th line.
I think I changed it to brink in my other copy...my written one still says blink.

Do you have a melody for it yet. I have trouble imagining how effective lyrics are without a framework for them.

Do you have a melody for it yet. I have trouble imagining how effective lyrics are without a framework for them.
Yes...I have a melody for it, but I refuse to sing so...sucks to be the rest of the world. It's similar to Sexy Back, but it actually involves singing.

Yes...I have a melody for it, but I refuse to sing so...sucks to be the rest of the world. It's similar to Sexy Back, but it actually involves singing.

just singing or do you play along with it? Tell me the chords at least.

just singing or do you play along with it? Tell me the chords at least.
Singing...limited to being able to play clarinet well and keyboard horribly to fast songs.
Can't remember chord names though there's E flat and B flat...on a B flat clarinet scale.