NationStates Jolt Archive

Alright, here's the story. Not uncommon at all, but everyone has their own special twist...

My girlfriend and I had sex for the first time the other night. She was a virgin I wasn't, but still it was a great night, well...until yesterday.

Her mother found out through the grapevine. Still, if you've got the right parents and all that, might not be a big deal. She's got the wrong parents.

I'm dating a girl (17, I'm 18) with Mormon parents, who saw us as the "good," kids.... Unfortunately, her parents refuse to listen to her about anything (she hasn't considered herself Mormon for years now), and also don't give her any opportunity to make any sort of choices on her own.

I'm in uncharted(for me) waters... is it "here be dragons," or has anyone got any advice for me?

*I'm not breaking it off with this girl.
I'm trying to avoid major confrontation as much as possible; her parents "aren't mad, they're just very disappointed and worried about her wounded soul."

You are soooo screwed. Seriously, mormons are the strictest Christians sect. Hell they believe in magic underwear. They also think that blacks were angels that didn't want to fight in the battle between God and Satan. So, her family (as well as herself) may be a little bit of nutty.

The best outcome is that yall break up, but she still stays with her family

The worse is that her family disown her, and she's left with no family. Either that or they'll do a Blood Attonement ritual, meaning they will kill her.

You are soooo screwed. Seriously, mormons are the strictest Christians sect. Hell they believe in magic underwear. They also think that blacks were angels that didn't want to fight in the battle between God and Satan. So, her family (as well as herself) may be a little bit of nutty.

The best outcome is that yall break up, but she still stays with her family

The worse is that her family disown her, and she's left with no family. Either that or they'll do a Blood Attonement ritual, meaning they will kill her.

Ok, you don't know Mormon's well. They're strict, but...ah fuck whats the point in arguing?

*She's not nutty...not a Mormon anymore. Remember?

Anyhow, I'm hoping she doesn't get disowned. Hopefully it works out alright.

Good luck! I don't my experiences would relate well but I do wish you both luck.

beats me

do whatever your girlfriend wants you to do. if its breaking up until she is of age, do it. if its lying about it and denying everything, do it. if its fessing up, pretending to break up but sneaking around behind her parents back, do it. she's the one who has to deal with the parents from hell. go with whatever seems to give her the best outcome.

you DID use a condom didnt you?

Ok, you don't know Mormon's well. They're strict, but...ah fuck whats the point in arguing?

*She's not nutty...not a Mormon anymore. Remember?

Anyhow, I'm hoping she doesn't get disowned. Hopefully it works out alright.

I don't know, pre-martial sex may be a cause for disown ment. I think the best thing you can do right now is just stay low until the whole thing blows over.

beats me

do whatever your girlfriend wants you to do. if its breaking up until she is of age, do it. if its lying about it and denying everything, do it. if its fessing up, pretending to break up but sneaking around behind her parents back, do it. she's the one who has to deal with the parents from hell. go with whatever seems to give her the best outcome.

you DID use a condom didnt you?

I think this is what I'm goin with.

Of course we used a condom...we may be horny kids, but we aren't that stupid.

Stop babbling to your friends every time you have sex with a girl. That'll help a lot next time.

Wow, thats quite a boatload, I wish you the best of luck in that, the mormons I've met can be a little crazy about things like that. You firmly state that breaking up isn't an option and I admire that in you, you stick to your commitment. I can't say what I'd do since I have no idea, but I wish you the best of luck.

Mormons don't know how to have fun. Hell, they don't even drink. I've turned down potentially awesome random, anonymous sex three times, actions that have my friends coming to the conclusion that I'm a fuckin' puritan (I'm not), and I drink.

Mormons don't know how to have fun. Hell, they don't even drink. I've turned down potentially awesome random, anonymous sex three times, actions that have my friends coming to the conclusion that I'm a fuckin' puritan (I'm not), and I drink.

Mormons are good people...but they're full of oddities, I guess?

Take her father for example. If I met the guy casually, I'd think he was still a big partier and whatnot. (He's a college professor, and is found at almost every local music show you can think of; mostly ska and punk shows. In fact, he's one of the best people I've met to go to concerts with.)

Stop babbling to your friends every time you have sex with a girl. That'll help a lot next time.

Babbling? I told no one, she told no one; her older sister guessed, and indirectly (and accidentally) told her mother. Long story there, I don't really want to get into.

Thought it was a safe bet :rolleyes:

Wow, thats quite a boatload, I wish you the best of luck in that, the mormons I've met can be a little crazy about things like that. You firmly state that breaking up isn't an option and I admire that in you, you stick to your commitment. I can't say what I'd do since I have no idea, but I wish you the best of luck.
Thanks man.

Get your girlfriend to claim she's decided to become Pagan. There's now wrong with Pagans, but such a strict Christian sect may think otherwise :D

Or get her to claim she's "sorry for having sex with you", remind her parents about forgiveness, remind them that the Bible says not to judge others, then...

...say the reason she's not going to have sex is because she's decided to become a lesbian.

Additionally, maybe she can just claim to be "sorry for her sins", then hand them a not that explains it all. The note happens to be telling them that she thinks mormonism is a pile of BS and not even a Christian sect.

OR

Maybe she, or you, could actually wrote a letter that says her/your feelings etc.. and leave it somewhere in the house where it can be easily found.

Well, on the other hand you could apologise to her parents along the lines of 'my belief system doesn't prohibit this sort of thing, didn't realise, blah, blah.' If, as you say, they're good people, then they might come around. It sounds like you actually like her family somewhat, so obviously don't go burning any bridges. At any rate, you and your girlfriend are the best people to solve this situation, do what you think is right.

Yikes. I can't think of a worse denomination for your gf's parents to be in a situation like this. Mormons freak me out. Not as creepy as Scientologists, not as completely obnoxious as hardcore Southern Baptists, but still totally crazy and extremely strict and hardcore.

Babbling? I told no one, she told no one; her older sister guessed, and indirectly (and accidentally) told her mother. Long story there, I don't really want to get into.

Thought it was a safe bet :rolleyes:
See? According to Ann Landers, it's the gentleman's job to get rid of all the evidence, like used condoms, hotel receipts, vaginal lotions, etc. while the woman has to make sure that their appearances match what they were before the event: hair, clothes, etc. Unfortunately, there are always people with a good nose (literally, pheromones and all that, you know) who'll know when two people have had sex.

Get your girlfriend to claim she's decided to become Pagan. There's now wrong with Pagans, but such a strict Christian sect may think otherwise :D

Or get her to claim she's "sorry for having sex with you", remind her parents about forgiveness, remind them that the Bible says not to judge others, then...

...say the reason she's not going to have sex is because she's decided to become a lesbian.

Additionally, maybe she can just claim to be "sorry for her sins", then hand them a not that explains it all. The note happens to be telling them that she thinks mormonism is a pile of BS and not even a Christian sect.

OR

Maybe she, or you, could actually wrote a letter that says her/your feelings etc.. and leave it somewhere in the house where it can be easily found.

Option 1 is a bad idea...her parents had a hard time when they found out I'm not religious.

Option 2 is good, but theres so many twists and turns in the bible that anything in there can contradict something else. So, throwing a biblical teaching can just be countered and so on and so forth.

Option 3...see option 2, but look up the common Christian beliefs on gays.

Option 4 might work.

Same with 5.

All good ideas, but first I think I've got to convince her that fighting her parents head on isn't gonna work. (She's stubborn. Love her to death :p)

[quote]Babbling? I told no one, she told no one; her older sister guessed, and indirectly (and accidentally) told her mother. Long story there, I don't really want to get into.[QUOTE]

Whoa, you're getting heat for a guess? What the hell's wrong with you two?! DENY IT! LIE! Probably too late for that now, because you (or she) didn't instinctively act horribly affronted and lie through your teeth.

Sheesh, if you're gonna be having premarital sex, at least read the manual.

Alright, here's the story. Not uncommon at all, but everyone has their own special twist...

My girlfriend and I had sex for the first time the other night. She was a virgin I wasn't, but still it was a great night, well...until yesterday.

Her mother found out through the grapevine. Still, if you've got the right parents and all that, might not be a big deal. She's got the wrong parents.

I'm dating a girl (17, I'm 18) with Mormon parents, who saw us as the "good," kids.... Unfortunately, her parents refuse to listen to her about anything (she hasn't considered herself Mormon for years now), and also don't give her any opportunity to make any sort of choices on her own.

I'm in uncharted(for me) waters... is it "here be dragons," or has anyone got any advice for me?

*I'm not breaking it off with this girl.
I'm trying to avoid major confrontation as much as possible; her parents "aren't mad, they're just very disappointed and worried about her wounded soul."

Those uber-religious people are annoying as hell. Just tell them that the world has advanced slightly since their beliefs entered into the foray.

Sheesh, if you're gonna be having premarital sex, at least read the manual.

There's a manual?! They never told us that in abstinence class! :mad:

[quote]Babbling? I told no one, she told no one; her older sister guessed, and indirectly (and accidentally) told her mother. Long story there, I don't really want to get into.[QUOTE]

Whoa, you're getting heat for a guess? What the hell's wrong with you two?! DENY IT! LIE! Probably too late for that now, because you (or she) didn't instinctively act horribly affronted and lie through your teeth.

Sheesh, if you're gonna be having premarital sex, at least read the manual.

Like I said...long story. You're making assumptions.

And like I said before, she's grown up in a Mormon household, if she doesn't consider herself Mormon... doesn't like to lie, isn't good at it. I could have lied my way out of it and thrown out technicalities up to wazoo, word play...the works. But she's not me.

And I didn't know there was a manual :confused:

Those uber-religious people are annoying as hell. Just tell them that the world has advanced slightly since their beliefs entered into the foray.

I actually like her parents. They generally like(d) me. Don't want to fuck things up worse.

You are soooo screwed. Seriously, mormons are the strictest Christians sect. Hell they believe in magic underwear. They also think that blacks were angels that didn't want to fight in the battle between God and Satan. So, her family (as well as herself) may be a little bit of nutty.

The best outcome is that yall break up, but she still stays with her family

The worse is that her family disown her, and she's left with no family. Either that or they'll do a Blood Attonement ritual, meaning they will kill her.

I object to Mormons being called a "Christian sect" to begin with, since they deny a number of things which make all the actual Chrsitan sects "Christian" (first and foremost believing in Christ being a savior and God and such...) so in my opinion, it might get a bad influence out of her life if her parnets disowned her.

However, this is not about religion, it's about you having sex with a minor, and the trouble may be that her mother will want to press charges due to her being underage. Not to mention that I disagree with premarital sex to begin with. So you may want to try holding off until she's 18, so at least her parents have no legal recourse against either of you and she can leave.

If I were the parent, and that was my daughter I would not react like that. I wouldn't get all religiously offended. You might not share the same views I do. Neither may my daughter.

I would be supportive and understanding. I'd have to smash you in the scrotum with a baseball bat, but that goes without saying. I won't get all preachy and I'll bring you an ice pack afterward. :)

I object to Mormons being called a "Christian sect" to begin with, since they deny a number of things which make all the actual Chrsitan sects "Christian" (first and foremost believing in Christ being a savior and God and such...) so in my opinion, it might get a bad influence out of her life if her parnets disowned her.

However, this is not about religion, it's about you having sex with a minor, and the trouble may be that her mother will want to press charges due to her being underage. Not to mention that I disagree with premarital sex to begin with. So you may want to try holding off until she's 18, so at least her parents have no legal recourse against either of you and she can leave.

In my state, legal consent is 16, so I'm fine there.
As far as being disowned, I think thats extreme.

If I were the parent, and that was my daughter I would not react like that. I wouldn't get all religiously offended. You might not share the same views I do. Neither may my daughter.

I would be supportive and understanding. I'd have to smash you in the scrotum with a baseball bat, but that goes without saying. I won't get all preachy and I'll bring you an ice pack afterward.

Thank you LG. I think that nails it mostly... together we're both pissed her parents are dragging religion into it more than anything.

Like I said, she's been trying to get out of being "Mormon," (her parents haven't listened) for a few years now, and things haven't changed.

Stop babbling to your friends every time you have sex with a girl. That'll help a lot next time.
Quoted for truth

Option 1 is a bad idea...her parents had a hard time when they found out I'm not religious.
Tell them that you're religious and that your religion demands having sex with their daughter. I'm sure they'll be okay with it.

You can't expect her parents not to drag religion into it. I mean it's a part of their lives, it's a part of who they are, and until she turns 18, they can still boss her around and all that fun stuff. If you must try to establish a line of communication, I would suggest talking about what Jesus taught, about forgiveness, and confession, and atonement (but not blood atonement). You're going to be playing on their court, and you'll have to play by their rules.

Wait, she's 17... why is this a problem? I mean, what are they going to do to her?

Mormons are good people...but they're full of oddities, I guess?
Tinier Mormons. They're full of tinier Mormons. Like those Russian figurines. I swear.

Don’t listen to a lot of crap people spew on here – there is only one thing you need to keep in mind in this situation.

Be open and honest.

That’s it. Her parents sound like decent people, not monsters. You are both adults (she is close enough – don’t niggle) and you are in a relationship which includes a physical component - so long as neither of you see anything wrong with that and you do not believe that Jesus would condemn you for it. It is her life, and so long as she does not have some serious issues about sex, there isn’t a problem.

Hopefully you respect her parents enough not to lie to them. You are supposed to be an adult by now, try acting like it. They are adults, they are rational individuals, and you should be able to discuss this in a friendly manner. You are not some snot-nosed little kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Be a man.

Treat her parents with the respect they deserve, but kindly let them know that neither of you share their belief that sex is wrong. Do not lie, do not sneak around, do not be ashamed of having sex, be an adult – if you can’t do that, you shouldn’t be having sex (and not for religious reasons).

I'd like to know how you got caught. You didn't do it while parents were in the house did you?

I'd like to know how you got caught. You didn't do it while parents were in the house did you?

That would be creepy.

Wait, she's 17... why is this a problem? I mean, what are they going to do to her?
Well, in some states, they could press charges of statutory rape.
Depends if they have a "three year rule" or something similar where this guy lives.