NationStates Jolt Archive

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)

Most guys just don't

A) Consider it Manly

B) Follow the time honored tradition of Straight guys don't dance


I personally don't know how to dance. When some of the most attractive girls I know would ask me to dance with them, refused. The only time I have ever danced was before a football game once, when one of the cheerleaders wouldn't let me get onto the game field unless I danced with her.

Tell him it's okay to be gay.

why is it "gay" for him to take his wife out dancing?

how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)


You can't, if he's anything like me or my Dad.

When someone nags me, I just shut down and don't listen.

why is it "gay" for him to take his wife out dancing?
What Wanderjar said.

Some guys (myself included) just don't enjoy dancing in the slightest.
It's nothing really to do with ability, we just hate it. It isn't fun and we feel daft.

If you're going to make him take you, even when you know he hates it, then you'll just have to resort to being a b****



:P

why is it "gay" for him to take his wife out dancing?


Because most guys, as I said earlier, just don't like dancing. Though because you're his wife, he should probably suck it up and do it anyway, because you want to, but thats how I operate.

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. Why not find something that you and your husband like to do together, beside sex?

Only Latin men are manly enough to dance and look manly. All others should abstain, they just look like sissies having convulsions.

lol and it's nothing to do with the gay image, I'm a drama student and get enough dancing done on my course, I just don't like most clubs and dancing in general.

Rationalise it by pointing out some activity which you dont enjoy but participate in anyway because he enjoys it. Then you either get to go dancing or quit participating in some activity which you dislike doing. If there are no such activities then youve got few grounds for pushing the poor guy into dancing.

Because most guys, as I said earlier, just don't like dancing. Though because you're his wife, he should probably suck it up and do it anyway, because you want to, but thats how I operate.
yeah, but I already make him do a ton of other stuff, like go see musicals, and visit the elderly and sing folk songs.

Only Latin men are manly enough to dance and look manly. All others should abstain, they just look like sissies having convulsions.

lol!


Very true mate, very true.

yeah, but I already make him do a ton of other stuff, like go see musicals, and visit the elderly and sing folk songs.

Jeez, the guy is a saint. Give him a break man!

Rationalise it by pointing out some activity which you dont enjoy but participate in anyway because he enjoys it. Then you either get to go dancing or quit participating in some activity which you dislike doing. If there are no such activities then youve got few grounds for pushing the poor guy into dancing.
I don't enjoy going to the tailgate party before football games.... could I use that?

Maybe he just doesn't enjoy it?

Or doesn't want to look like an idiot if he messes up?

I don't know...men, eh?

I thought men got married so they could stop dancing.

Just tell him that you are going to go out dancing with your girlfriends (or guy friends). I bet that might get him to eventually change his tune as he wonders who you are dancing with. if not, then at least you might get a little dancing in with someone, even if it isn't your hubby.

I don't enjoy going to the tailgate party before football games.... could I use that?

You got nothing, sense he already does other stuff with you, which you have listed, I think you should just let dancing slide. Or you could just find something that you both like.

I thought men got married so they could stop dancing.


LOL! You deserve a cookie for that one.

*Gives cookie*

I thought men got married so they could stop dancing.
OMG! that's what he said:eek:

he said "I got married so that I didn't have to dance anymore, if you wanted to dance you should have made me do it at the reception"

:mad:

Just tell him that you are going to go out dancing with your girlfriends (or guy friends). I bet that might get him to eventually change his tune as he wonders who you are dancing with. if not, then at least you might get a little dancing in with someone, even if it isn't your hubby.

But what if the husband isn't the jealous type?

But what if the husband isn't the jealous type?
he isn't :(........wait...........:)

I don't enjoy going to the tailgate party before football games.... could I use that?

Yes, more so if you dont like being at the game. But tailgate is enough, especially if arriving at the stadium at different times would be awkward

Because most guys, as I said earlier, just don't like dancing.

This has a lot to do with it. A lot of guys just don't find dancing fun. Many of us view dancing as a chore at best. I'm sure you find it just as incomprehensible as we find women's love for dancing.

Only Latin men are manly enough to dance and look manly. All others should abstain, they just look like sissies having convulsions.

Quoted for truth. Although I did have a black friend who was a techno DJ, and he could dance. He was quite popular in the local club scene.

OMG! that's what he said:eek:

he said "I got married so that I didn't have to dance anymore, if you wanted to dance you should have made me do it at the reception"

:mad:


And your response was?

No one is listening to me.

Find something you both like to do

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.

and since you already make him do other stuff, you got nothing, so just let the dancing slide.

Yes, more so if you dont like being at the game. But tailgate is enough, especially if arriving at the stadium at different times would be awkward
true. I don't mind the game, I just hate being there 3 hours early in the freaking cold, the only woman around 35 burping gassy men watching them drink beer, and making comments about "so, you brought the old ball and chain" and "I would ask you to cook, but you are too girly to touch my grill"

:headbang:

what is it with football? it makes men idiots


oh, and if we show up at or around game time they make that "whipped" sound and then ask me if I am "having lady troubles"

Only Latin men are manly enough to dance and look manly. All others should abstain, they just look like sissies having convulsions.

I disagree. I dance(d) well enough to pull the Brazilian babe despite being English. Only men who are confident enough in themselves should dance, the rest - latin's included - should sit and feel inferior - for they are inferior. :p

(You should see how badly the majority of Latin men dance!)

And your response was?
that I don't understand why he won't dance with me..........

No one is listening to me.

Find something you both like to do

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.

and since you already make him do other stuff, you got nothing, so just let the dancing slide.


Words of wisdom man.

how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)

You could remind him of all the ball games you went to -- including when you didn't feel so hot.

No one is listening to me.

Find something you both like to do

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.

and since you already make him do other stuff, you got nothing, so just let the dancing slide.


The problem with this is that if you love dancing, then nothing can substitute for it as an evening out. (An evening in is another matter altogether :D )

But what if the husband isn't the jealous type?

I covered that... e.g. she still gets to get some dancing in.

that I don't understand why he won't dance with me..........

It isnt that he avoids dancing with you, it is that he avoids dancing at all. His not liking to dance has nothing to do with you. Your craving for a night out dancing however does involve him.

It isnt that he avoids dancing with you, it is that he avoids dancing at all. His not liking to dance has nothing to do with you. Your craving for a night out dancing however does involve him.
I am taking it kinda personally. I mean it's probably the same thing when I won't go deer hunting with him right?

I am taking it kinda personally. I mean it's probably the same thing when I won't go deer hunting with him right?

yeah. You don't want to hunt deer. Nothing against your husband, I'm sure, but you'd rather not kill a deer.

okay kids, whole new dilemma (or the same one revamped)

he says he will dance with me in the living room after the kids are in bed, sometimes......

should I accept this arangement hoping that when he gets more confident that he will take me out to dance? do I bring that up as an option to the compromise?

now what?

yeah. You don't want to hunt deer. Nothing against your husband, I'm sure, but you'd rather not kill a deer.
yeah, it's not the killing, it's the dragging the thing back to the truck......but same difference. He probably thinks I just don't want to hang out with him, instead of I don't enjoy being around bottled elk urine and dragging 500lb of meat through the snow....

okay kids, whole new dilemma (or the same one revamped)

he says he will dance with me in the living room after the kids are in bed, sometimes......

should I accept this arangement hoping that when he gets more confident that he will take me out to dance? do I bring that up as an option to the compromise?

now what?

I would like to see a complete list of the other things that you make him do and that he makes you do.

I would like to see a complete list of the other things that you make him do and that he makes you do.
I "make" him

go to visit sick kids in the hospital with me
go to visit old people
go to musicals and local plays
go to the farmer's market

He "makes" me

go to tailgate parties
go to superbowl parties
help his friends move
accomidate his school group twice a week for study sessions
clean out the fish tank (even though they are his fish)


I think that's about it, everything else I do for him and he for me is pretty much things we want to....

I "make" him

go to visit sick kids in the hospital with me
go to visit old people
go to musicals and local plays
go to the farmer's market

He "makes" me

go to tailgate parties
go to superbowl parties
help his friends move
accomidate his school group twice a week for study sessions
clean out the fish tank (even though they are his fish)


I think that's about it, everything else I do for him and he for me is pretty much things we want to....

Eh, personally I would just let the dancing drop if he cleaned out the fish tank, or even if he went to the study sessions alone. But that's just me.

should I accept this arangement hoping that when he gets more confident that he will take me out to dance? do I bring that up as an option to the compromise?

Isn't that really the only realistic option?

okay kids, whole new dilemma (or the same one revamped)

he says he will dance with me in the living room after the kids are in bed, sometimes......

should I accept this arangement hoping that when he gets more confident that he will take me out to dance? do I bring that up as an option to the compromise?

now what?
I think that's the best you can hope for. He's willing to do it for you, but not publicly.

Dancing sucks. Dammit. First of all, how do you even know if someone is dancing well, or that you should put a wallet in their mouth? I did graduate studies in dance and am no closer. I watched one episode of that "So You Think You Can Dance" (I knew someone who worked on it...that's my excuse...) and one dude would come up and they'd be all "Yay you rock, great!" and another guy would come on and it would look more or less the same and they'd be laughing and saying "Bah! You suck, why'd you waste our time?"

And then you get that, "It's to show you have rhythm." Really? Let me get my sax-I play jazz, I have a deeper understanding of rhythm then convulsing on a piece of wood could ever demonstrate.

Umm...so...uh, I don't like dancing and can empathize with your husband. Isn't he an actor? You know when an actor doesn't want to do something because it will make a spectacle of himself it's serious. I'd take the home with the shades drawn dancing. It's a compromise that is probably the best you're going to get.

I "make" him

go to visit sick kids in the hospital with me
go to visit old people
go to musicals and local plays
go to the farmer's market

He "makes" me

go to tailgate parties
go to superbowl parties
help his friends move
accomidate his school group twice a week for study sessions
clean out the fish tank (even though they are his fish)


I think that's about it, everything else I do for him and he for me is pretty much things we want to....

The man's a saint.

(But you shouldn't clean out his fish. If he's not responsible enough to have pets, he shouldn't have them)

Isn't that really the only realistic option?
but what if I say okay and then we are stuck dancing in the living room for the rest of our lives?

is that better than nothing? or if I say okay and then start to resent him because I am stuck in the living room, then isn't it like I am lying to him when I say it's okay?????

but what if I say okay and then we are stuck dancing in the living room for the rest of our lives?

is that better than nothing? or if I say okay and then start to resent him because I am stuck in the living room, then isn't it like I am lying to him when I say it's okay?????

Maybe he's just like me, he doesn't like being seen in public, and is afraid of making an ass of himself in public.

I think that's the best you can hope for. He's willing to do it for you, but not publicly.

Dancing sucks. Dammit. First of all, how do you even know if someone is dancing well, or that you should put a wallet in their mouth? I did graduate studies in dance and am no closer. I watched one episode of that "So You Think You Can Dance" (I knew someone who worked on it...that's my excuse...) and one dude would come up and they'd be all "Yay you rock, great!" and another guy would come on and it would look more or less the same and they'd be laughing and saying "Bah! You suck, why'd you waste our time?"

And then you get that, "It's to show you have rhythm." Really? Let me get my sax-I play jazz, I have a deeper understanding of rhythm then convulsing on a piece of wood could ever demonstrate.

Umm...so...uh, I don't like dancing and can empathize with your husband. Isn't he an actor? You know when an actor doesn't want to do something because it will make a spectacle of himself it's serious. I'd take the home with the shades drawn dancing. It's a compromise that is probably the best you're going to get.

do you think it has something to do with his sax? LOL (he plays the alto sax thankyouverymuch)

but, I don't get it, he has done musical theater before, he was in Guys and Dolls and Grease.........but he won't take me dancing?

he said that was "work" and that it was "coreographed"

:rolleyes:

do you think it has something to do with his sax? LOL (he plays the alto sax thankyouverymuch)

but, I don't get it, he has done musical theater before, he was in Guys and Dolls and Grease.........but he won't take me dancing?

he said that was "work" and that it was "coreographed"

:rolleyes:

Well, he does have a point. Dancing in plays are usally planned out. Dancing in a bar, or club is usually freestyle.

but what if I say okay and then we are stuck dancing in the living room for the rest of our lives?

is that better than nothing? or if I say okay and then start to resent him because I am stuck in the living room, then isn't it like I am lying to him when I say it's okay?????

Is it better than nothing? That'd something you'll have to decide.

If you start to resent it, you'll need to talk to him about it. You seem to be an intelligent enouigh young lady that I'll bet you picked a guy who is man enough to be able to discuss such things. Of course, I don't think you should lie to him, but if that's the best you can get, that's life.

He may not want to dance because he's insecure or shy about it. It could also be that he just doesn't dance. You'll have to figure out which one it is, and accept that. If he doesn't like dancing, then he doesn't like it. If he just needs to get more comfortable with it you can gradually work him into it.

Personally, I hate dancing. I don't find it remotely fun, and I'm lucky enough to have found a girl who accepts that.

okay kids, whole new dilemma (or the same one revamped)

he says he will dance with me in the living room after the kids are in bed, sometimes......

should I accept this arangement hoping that when he gets more confident that he will take me out to dance? do I bring that up as an option to the compromise?

now what?

He is onto you. He knows that it isnt merely the dancing that you crave it is the whole out-on-the-town socialising thing. Go back to tailgating before games. Tell him that dancing in the living room is to an evening out dancing as a hamburger on a hibachi in the backyard is to a tailgate party.

He is onto you. He knows that it isnt merely the dancing that you crave it is the whole out-on-the-town socialising thing. Go back to tailgating before games. Tell him that dancing in the living room is to an evening out dancing as a hamburger on a hibachi in the backyard is to a tailgate party.
nice ;) as soon as I get off the phone with this casting agent I will try that....

There's a fine line tween dancing and prancing.

Too fine, for some.

Yay for lies and manipulation!

Yay for lies and manipulation!
it's the truth, besides I can rationalize that it's less manipulation and more analogy.

it's the truth, besides I can rationalize that it's less manipulation and more analogy.

True. But you know, if you do drag your husband dancing, he may bitch and moan throughout the whole thing, thus making the experience a miserable one.

Why has nobody suggested withhold sex until he complies? That struck me as the obvious thing to do. Only I'm a man so I can't actually do it.

Why has nobody suggested withhold sex until he complies? That struck me as the obvious thing to do. Only I'm a man so I can't actually do it.
but I like sex, so it would be a punishment for me

but I like sex, so it would be a punishment for me
Really? Bollocks. Well I have little else to add, other than dancing is only fun when you stop caring about how ridiculous you may or may not look.

Why has nobody suggested withhold sex until he complies? That struck me as the obvious thing to do. Only I'm a man so I can't actually do it.

Yay again for lies and manipulations. :rolleyes:

okay so good news, I just got off the phone with the casting agent, hubby is beng cast in a film that will go to Sundance :D (we sent in his headshot and stuff and she is in talks with them for me, because it's a union gig and they won't talk to anyone but "real agents" even though I am his agent, and anyway, he has the part!! happy happy)

so, while he is in a good mood I am going to take advantage of it, and dance in the living room :p

(You should see how badly the majority of Latin men dance!)
I think that's the very reason why there's YouTube now.

Yay again for lies and manipulations. :rolleyes:
You keep saying lies and manipulations as if they were bad things ;)

Smunky, at your age and you don't know the adage that white man got no rhythm?
*shakes head*

The only thing more embarrassing than watching white guys dance is knowing that I'm one of them.
White guy dancing moves is as follows: We have no idea where to put our feet, so mostly just sway side to side. Apparently we have an unconscious fear of flailing our arms about, so invariably stick them to our sides like we're holding a pair of guns at you and shrug our shoulders up and down.
It looks reminiscent of a man in a long queue holding some papers and shuffling slowly forward.

Smunky, at your age and you don't know the adage that white man got no rhythm?
*shakes head*

The only thing more embarrassing than watching white guys dance is knowing that I'm one of them.
White guy dancing moves is as follows: We have no idea where to put our feet, so mostly just sway side to side. Apparently we have an unconscious fear of flailing our arms about, so invariably stick them to our sides like we're holding a pair of guns at you and shrug our shoulders up and down.
It looks reminiscent of a man in a long queue holding some papers and shuffling slowly forward.

What does all this have to do with Smunkees husband?

I don't mind dancing IF, I have an attraction to my partner, I can't wait to go swing dancing tomorrow mainly because of my date, she is very attractive btw, I only know the basic step of the East Coast Swing *thanks to Smunkeeville for the online help*

I'm perfectly willing to look like a complete idiot in public, but my efforts to get a girl to dance have been met with miserable failure.

She still owes me that dance from her high school prom, and I'm not one to forget a debt.

I like dancing when nobody is looking. Making a fool of yourself is most fun when nobody knows. I also don't mind dancing with a date. I especially don't mind if I like my date. I have no earthly idea how to do anything but slow dance, but hey, it's not MY fault if they get embarrassed by my lack of dancing skills :)

Im a guy. I hate dancing, no one will ever make me dance. Its stupid, Im guessing your husband feels the same way. I suggest you drop it and give him what he wants. Like food or something.

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)
Well, I'll tell you this: I typically don't like dancing. That may mainly be due to my being rather uncomfortable in such social situations. As a matter of fact, this may be the exact same reason your husband has a problem with it.

I have a suggestion for you: perhaps you could set up a room in your house for the two of you to dance privately. That may be an acceptable compromise.

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)

because while dancing may be fun for you, just consider the possibility that - whether he now knows a bit more about what to actually do or not - he still doesn't find it "fun" himself.


also consider the possibility that there may be years worth of feelings like resentment he's built up towards the general concept of dancing, and that may be hard to break.




personally, i got both of those :P its just not fun for me, and i can't tell you how irritating it is to be out for a night and everyone else piles on the dancefloor and subsequently insists i join them, saying "come on, it's fun!"
why is it so hard to understand that dancing just isn't fun for some people? :(
its kinda like somebody who loves climbing trees asking somebody with a fear of heights to come climb with them, and insisting all the while that its 'fun' and that somehow they are wrong for not wanting to do it


(i also had some bad experiences with dancing as, the one time i let go enough to actually give it a serious try, people laughed at me and i became very much the joke of the conference on the bus trip back. wankers.)

Just tell him that you are going to go out dancing with your girlfriends (or guy friends). I bet that might get him to eventually change his tune as he wonders who you are dancing with. if not, then at least you might get a little dancing in with someone, even if it isn't your hubby.
oooh... manipulative...



And then you get that, "It's to show you have rhythm." Really? Let me get my sax-I play jazz, I have a deeper understanding of rhythm then convulsing on a piece of wood could ever demonstrate.

hahaha :p

okay so good news, I just got off the phone with the casting agent, hubby is beng cast in a film that will go to Sundance :D (we sent in his headshot and stuff and she is in talks with them for me, because it's a union gig and they won't talk to anyone but "real agents" even though I am his agent, and anyway, he has the part!! happy happy)

so, while he is in a good mood I am going to take advantage of it, and dance in the living room :p
Yay!!!

I hope there will be a seat reserved for me in that audience.

:cool:

true. I don't mind the game, I just hate being there 3 hours early in the freaking cold, the only woman around 35 burping gassy men watching them drink beer, and making comments about "so, you brought the old ball and chain" and "I would ask you to cook, but you are too girly to touch my grill"

:headbang:

what is it with football? it makes men idiots


oh, and if we show up at or around game time they make that "whipped" sound and then ask me if I am "having lady troubles"


Smunkee, Please may I ask WHY he wants you to go to this 'tailgate' thing (I actually am not sure what on earth it is) but it seems that you are the only woman that goes...Is it that he WANTS you to go, or is it that YOU want to go to be with him? I would have no desire to go to a men only beer drinking belching thing which causes all the other men to basically humiliate and poke fun at both myself and my husband, as it sounds like hell on earth tbh.

As to the dancing thing, I don't really like to dance in public, as I don't really know how and so I have to be a bit drunk to do it, Also, I don't like to do the 'old people at weddings' dancing like waltz and fox trot anyway and secondly, I like to dance to the sort of music that my Canuck hates, and so one of us would always be miserable anyway.

oh and tell him to clean his fish out himself, it's like my daughter wanting a hamster and then me having to clean the poor creature out, I told her it was not happening and if she wanted one, then she cleaned it.

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)

Don't "make" him do anything. If you want to go dancing, find a friend to take you and leave your husband at home if he doesn't want to dance.

Personally, I hate dancing. With a passion.
I'ts not that I can't - I was forced through dance classes by my parents - it's just that I hate it. And I would hate it even more if I had to do it in public again. I assume he feels much the same about it.

Smunkee, Please may I ask WHY he wants you to go to this 'tailgate' thing (I actually am not sure what on earth it is) but it seems that you are the only woman that goes...Is it that he WANTS you to go, or is it that YOU want to go to be with him? I would have no desire to go to a men only beer drinking belching thing which causes all the other men to basically humiliate and poke fun at both myself and my husband, as it sounds like hell on earth tbh.

We have season tix, and one car (and you know some games are like out of state) so either I go early with him and he gets to go to the tailgate thing, or we both go "on time" and he doesn't get to go. Most of the other wives don't go to the football games at all, there is one that does, sometimes, but she and I don't have a whole lot in common, she drinks way too much, gets slutty, then vomits on someone.......I guess sometimes he wants me to go to protect him from her advances and subsequent vomit.

oh and tailgate party. (http://www.ehow.com/how_11148_throw-tailgate-party.html)

*snip*
no idea, i love dancing, although i'm not very good at dancing with people cuz i'm a bit wild and no-one can keep up. i used to not like dancing tho when i was a kid just cuz i was quite self concious i guess.

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!



amybe because he did not have fun?

maybe because he did not have fun?
can't a girl throw a whiney fit at 11pm around here anymore? I don't do it often.....

(oh, I corrected a minor typo in the quote)

can't a girl throw a whiney fit at 11pm around here anymore? I don't do it often.....

(oh, I corrected a minor typo in the quote)

You asked a question and got some answers. That can happen here, you know? :p ;)

You asked a question and got some answers. That can happen here, you know? :p ;)
yeah, I am still in whiney mode.....

got the dancing thing semi-resolved, but still have the "irrational female" hormones hanging on......I need coffee.

Get him drunk first then he won't know why but he will want to dance

The only way to make men dance is alcohol. If he's not a heavy drinker then about 35cl of spirits at 40% alcohol-by-volume should be enough.

Hi Smunkee,

Interesting question and while a bunch of people gave their personal opinion on whether they dance or not or how to cajole your husband into dancing, no one has touched on the 'Why?'

At it's heart, dancing is a mating ritual. It doesn't have to be, but we, men especially, relate to dancing that way. Why else does he comment that he got married, so no need to do anymore dancing?

Dancing in a play is different, it takes the question of mating rituals out and leaves just the dance, hence why your husband saw it as work. Work he needed to do to participate in the play.

In mating rituals, males have a very definite pecking order. We are always aware of how we are stacking up to the males around us and dancing on a dance floor puts us on display in a way that is not the same for females.
A dancing female just has to send the signal, "I'm receptive" whereas a male has to send the "Pick me! Pick me!" signal.
That requires confidence in self and/or confidence in one's dancing ability.

Take a look at the guys dancing in a club or wedding or wherever, they are either the guys so self confident that acting the fool on the dance floor can't begin to dent their perception of where in the 'pecking order' they fall or they are so skilled at dancing that they will never look the fool, OR they are gay and don't care what the females think and simply take on an "I'm receptive" stance just like the girls out there.

How can you get your husband to go dancing?
Keep dancing in the living room, let him build confidence.
Consider lessons if he might find it a fun night out, that puts it back into the same arena as the play concept.
Stroke his male libido/ego with sincere comments and compliments. When you dance in the living room, if you get beyond hot and sweaty to hot and bothered, let him know and let him know how his dancing provoked the response.
Let him build confidence in himself and confidence that he won't look like a fool dancing, then push it a little bit at something like a wedding. Get him to dance with you to some romantic song that he can't turn you down on, get him to get on the floor to his favourite song with a good energetic beat, but let him get off the floor as quickly as he wants.

With a little bit of patience, you might end up with a husband that enjoys strutting his stuff on the floor and showing off the mate he's landed.

*snip*
wow. that is helpful.

*takes notes*

Hey Smunkee, ask him if you can go dancing with a friend instead.

:D

Hey Smunkee, ask him if you can go dancing with a friend instead.

:D
yeah, people keep saying that, but I think I forgot to mention that I don't want to dance with anyone else, I only want to dance with my husband........oh, and all my "friends" that dance are either female (yuk) or gay (and have their own dancing partners)

A lot of people really seem to want to attribute Mr. Smunkee's attitude to some kind of male status thing. I think it's more likely that he just doesn't like dancing. Some people don't like dancing, just like some people don't like oranges.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

A lot of people really seem to want to attribute Mr. Smunkee's attitude to some kind of male status thing. I think it's more likely that he just doesn't like dancing. Some people don't like dancing, just like some people don't like oranges.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.


I don't think I'm a lot of people.
Did someoone else other than me say that and I missed it?

Some guys (myself included) just don't enjoy dancing in the slightest.
It's nothing really to do with ability, we just hate it. It isn't fun and we feel daft.

If you're going to make him take you, even when you know he hates it, then you'll just have to resort to being a b****



:P
Thar's the rub. It might be possible that once he tries it, he might do it more often, but getting him to do it once is the trick. I say make it a sort of surprise. Catch him off-guard so he can't refuse.

I don't dance.

I don't know how to dance very well.

I don't care to know how to dance.

I'm not enjoying myself while dancing most of the time.

The music most people would love to dance to is seriously wrecking my nerves.

On the rare occasion that I do dance with a lady, I'm doing her the fucking favor - and she better repay in other ways or else it has been the last dance.

Oh yeah, did I mention I don't dance? Well, I don't.

And Smunkee, why don't you just respect that your hubby doesn't wanna dance? Always trying to change them guys, huh? ;)

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)try asking him if he's willing to take lessions together with you. (and your kids, make it a family thing) then have dance sessions with just your family and slowly move to going out.

I don't like dancing, but that's because I don't know how. but the few... ok, three times I did, I did have fun at most of them.

Maybe, like me, he's just a lazy bum.

try asking him if he's willing to take lessions together with you. (and your kids, make it a family thing) then have dance sessions with just your family and slowly move to going out.

I don't like dancing, but that's because I don't know how. but the few... ok, three times I did, I did have fun at most of them.
maybe I come teach you to dance and drag you around with me.......that should fix hubby yes?

maybe I come teach you to dance and drag you around with me.......that should fix hubby yes?
...


...


sure... why not. :D

Most guys just don't

A) Consider it Manly

B) Follow the time honored tradition of Straight guys don't dance

A true gentelman should carry himself with grace in the ballroom as he does on the battefield

there your 18th century look at that

try asking him if he's willing to take lessions together with you. (and your kids, make it a family thing) then have dance sessions with just your family and slowly move to going out.

I don't like dancing, but that's because I don't know how. but the few... ok, three times I did, I did have fun at most of them.
I think it's mostly just getting him started. I think he might have more fun than he thinks once he gets started with her. And it sounds like she's taught him quite well, though the more official lessons might give him more confidence.

maybe I come teach you to dance and drag you around with me.......that should fix hubby yes?
That depends. Would you teaching a younger man motivate him more?;):p

I think it's mostly just getting him started. I think he might have more fun than he thinks once he gets started with her. And it sounds like she's taught him quite well, though the more official lessons might give him more confidence.

Dancing is not fun. At best, it's a prelude to sex. Other than that, it's a reminder of how girls would point at me and laugh every time I tried to cross the long dance floor in seventh grade.

That depends. Would you teaching a younger man motivate him more?;):p
nah, I think he thinks I have a crush on Junii

Dancing is not fun. At best, it's a prelude to sex. Other than that, it's a reminder of how girls would point at me and laugh every time I tried to cross the long dance floor in seventh grade.
It might be fun for other people. That's something to consider when giving advice: it isn't about you.:rolleyes:

nah, I think he thinks I have a crush on Junii
I sort of assumed that, but I had to ask anyway.*shrugs*

nah, I think he thinks I have a crush on Junii
you don... err... he does? ;)

Should I be happy there is an ocean between him and me? :D :D

you don... err... he does? ;)

Should I be happy there is an ocean between him and me? :D :D
Yes.:D:p

you don... err... he does? ;)
I do

Should I be happy there is an ocean between him and me? :D :D
probably ;)

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)

Im a guy and I don't dance. Not because I suck at it, although I do, and not because it isn't fun, although it isn't. I guess its just that I dont see the point. i want to get drunk and talk to people and oggle women. not dance around like some goddamn pansy.

I'm jealous.:p

Anywho, there's a song that I suddenly remembered...which is odd 'cause I was listening to it as I posted.:-/ Ever heard "I Won't Dance?"

I'm jealous.:p

Anywho, there's a song that I suddenly remembered...which is odd 'cause I was listening to it as I posted.:-/ Ever heard "I Won't Dance?"
yep, it's a good song to dance to ;)

It might be fun for other people. That's something to consider when giving advice: it isn't about you.:rolleyes:

I wasn't asked why I submit to the indignity of dancing with girls. I was asked why I consider it an indignity in the first place.

I wasn't asked why I submit to the indignity of dancing with girls. I was asked why I consider it an indignity in the first place.
yes, I was looking for both. I just don't understand how someone who is a good dancer wouldn't want to dance. (it was pointed out earlier that I was taking it way too personally)

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"
Sums it up nicely. A lot of guys just don't have the confidence and innate spontaneity required. Myself, for example. It's an annoying limitation, but very difficult to change.

Sums it up nicely. A lot of guys just don't have the confidence and innate spontaneity required. Myself, for example. It's an annoying limitation, but very difficult to change.


There has to be more to the general reticence of men with regard to dancing than just not knowing how to do it well. Men have no probhlem whatsoever playing pool in public when they are useless at the game, nor do they worry about looking stupid when bowling, or messing around with a football on the beach. So why then do most of us get so shy when it comes to dancing.

It has to be something to do with the effeminate nature of the activity, and the reputation of dancers (male ones anyway) for being homosexual. The reason why the latins are more willing to dance is that this reputation does not exist in the latin culture. Dancing is not associated with homosexuality the way it is in the Anglo saxon culture.

yep, it's a good song to dance to ;)
The irony.:p

There has to be more to the general reticence of men with regard to dancing than just not knowing how to do it well. Men have no probhlem whatsoever playing pool in public when they are useless at the game, nor do they worry about looking stupid when bowling, or messing around with a football on the beach. So why then do most of us get so shy when it comes to dancing.

It has to be something to do with the effeminate nature of the activity, and the reputation of dancers (male ones anyway) for being homosexual. The reason why the latins are more willing to dance is that this reputation does not exist in the latin culture. Dancing is not associated with homosexuality the way it is in the Anglo saxon culture.
yes, this exactly is what confuses me. He joined a softball league knowing he had never played befor e in his life, they lost all but one game, and he is fine with that, but he is a good dancer and he won't dance.........because "I will look stupid"

I'm jealous.:p

Anywho, there's a song that I suddenly remembered...which is odd 'cause I was listening to it as I posted.:-/ Ever heard "I Won't Dance?"
I've always liked "I Can't Dance" by Genesis, but that's just me.

I've always liked "I Can't Dance" by Genesis, but that's just me.
Don't think I've heard it.

Don't think I've heard it.
you don't wanna........believe me. Something is very wrong with Phil Collins....

I do


probably ;)... :)


anywhooo....


er...


if he's anything like me, just push him on. start by going to clubs and when a great dancing song is playing... Grab him by the arm and pull him to the dancefloor.

tho I think the classes would be a better way to go.

you don't wanna........believe me. Something is very wrong with Phil Collins....
I didn't get the impression I'd like it anyway.

... :)


anywhooo....


er...


if he's anything like me, just push him on. start by going to clubs and when a great dancing song is playing... Grab him by the arm and pull him to the dancefloor.

tho I think the classes would be a better way to go.
Like I said, surprise him. Or the classes, if she can manage it. Those would be better. Make him feel like he's more a part of it rather than being forced.

Like I said, surprise him. Or the classes, if she can manage it. Those would be better. Make him feel like he's more a part of it rather than being forced.
yep, and it will also show him that there are other men "in the same boat" dance-wise... thus nothing to be ashamed about.

yep, and it will also show him that there are other men "in the same boat" dance-wise... thus nothing to be ashamed about.
I hadn't thought of that because I don't think in terms of others....but yeah, I suppose it might.

you don't wanna........believe me. Something is very wrong with Phil Collins....
There are times when I like Phil Collins. There are also times when I hate Phil Collins. That said, like him or hate him, he does work hard.

There are times when I like Phil Collins. There are also times when I hate Phil Collins. That said, like him or hate him, he does work hard.
there is one song by him that I absolutely love, and won't ever ever ever admit to even listening to.........it's one of those types of relationships.

Kinda like someone in my house won't admit to singing along to my ABBA records....LOL

there is one song by him that I absolutely love, and won't ever ever ever admit to even listening to.........it's one of those types of relationships.
Rule number one of listening to Phil Collins is to actively disparage Phil Collins at every opportunity so as to throw other people off your trail. Everyone probably secretly likes a Phil Collins song or two, but everyone thinks they are the only one and plays along with the whole "Phil Collins is lame" idea.

It's just one of those strange phenomena in the music industry.

there is one song by him that I absolutely love, and won't ever ever ever admit to even listening to.........it's one of those types of relationships.

Kinda like someone in my house won't admit to singing along to my ABBA records....LOL
:eek: You were listening to me!....I mean, yeah, I bet that's kinda strange...listening to your ABBA records, singing along with them....

Rule number one of listening to Phil Collins is to actively disparage Phil Collins at every opportunity so as to throw other people off your trail. Everyone probably secretly likes a Phil Collins song or two, but everyone thinks they are the only one and plays along with the whole "Phil Collins is lame" idea.

It's just one of those strange phenomena in the music industry.
yeah, I get that with Neil Diamond a LOT too, it's weird, he had good songs, but when people find out that I like him........they look at me as if I have no soul.....like I am zombie music girl.....LOL

yeah, I get that with Neil Diamond a LOT too, it's weird, he had good songs, but when people find out that I like him........they look at me as if I have no soul.....like I am zombie music girl.....LOL
which is why I never say who I like... actually, I don't latch on to any singer, but to the songs themselves.


Then again I like Filk...

which is why I never say who I like... actually, I don't latch on to any singer, but to the songs themselves.
yeah, but Neil Diamond has a ton of good songs.


Then again I like Filk...
all the cool people do. :fluffle:

yeah, but Neil Diamond has a ton of good songs.



all the cool people do. :fluffle:
I don't....wait...does that mean I'm not cool?:(

I don't....wait...does that mean I'm not cool?:(you just didn't hear the good filk! :)

you just didn't hear the good filk! :)
Actually, I haven't heard any.:p

I don't....wait...does that mean I'm not cool?:(
uh...........hmm...... do you at least know what we are talking about?

There are times when I like Phil Collins. There are also times when I hate Phil Collins. That said, like him or hate him, he does work hard.
It's interesting that you mention Phil Collins... and at the top of my screen, there's a banner for Miami VICE...

yeah, people keep saying that, but I think I forgot to mention that I don't want to dance with anyone else, I only want to dance with my husband........oh, and all my "friends" that dance are either female (yuk) or gay (and have their own dancing partners)


Maybe this is just me being naive... but shouldn't you have asekd him if he likes to dance before you married him, then? :confused:

Maybe this is just me being naive... but shouldn't you have asekd him if he likes to dance before you married him, then? :confused:
actually that was covered in pre-marital counseling, and the question is "how do you feel about dancing?" and if I remember his answer was "it's fun"

I now 7 years in, wonder what else he lied about in those sessions..........:eek: :p

actually that was covered in pre-marital counseling, and the question is "how do you feel about dancing?" and if I remember his answer was "it's fun"

I now 7 years in, wonder what else he lied about in those sessions..........:eek: :p

So.... let's see if I get this straight. You were dating, and he never danced with you (I'm assuming this, because you said you only just now taught him to dance), and you assumed this would change at some stage because he once said dancing was fun?




Ok, it must be me being naive.

So.... let's see if I get this straight. You were dating, and he never danced with you (I'm assuming this, because you said you only just now taught him to dance), and you assumed this would change at some stage because he once said dancing was fun?
I really hadn't ever met anyone who didn't like to dance, only people who were against it because of religion, but since he was an atheist when we met I didn't think that would be a problem. We didn't date long, so no real chance to see if he would dance.........it's not like a "deal breaker" or anything, it was just frustrating and confusing.

Ok, it must be me being naive.
or I was.

I really hadn't ever met anyone who didn't like to dance, only people who were against it because of religion, but since he was an atheist when we met I didn't think that would be a problem. We didn't date long, so no real chance to see if he would dance.........it's not like a "deal breaker" or anything, it was just frustrating and confusing.


or I was.
accept him for who he is (which I believe you do.) and have fun!

*whips Smunkee around for some Zen Dancing. (the only kind I do.... )*

Maybe when he said "it's fun" he meant for other people.

I don't like to dance, and it's not for religious reasons.

I really hadn't ever met anyone who didn't like to dance, only people who were against it because of religion, but since he was an atheist when we met I didn't think that would be a problem. We didn't date long, so no real chance to see if he would dance.........it's not like a "deal breaker" or anything, it was just frustrating and confusing.


or I was.

There are people who ar eagainst dancing for religious reasons? Outside of Afghanistan? :eek:
I never knew that... well, you learn something new every day. I hate dancing, always did. I know pretty much exactly 3 people who do like to dance, all of them female. I don't think I ever met a straight guy who liked dancing.

I know it's not a "deal breaker", lol. So he lied once on his application form... I think if that's all he lied about you're still pretty lucky ;)

There are people who ar eagainst dancing for religious reasons? Outside of Afghanistan? :eek:
I never knew that... well, you learn something new every day. I hate dancing, always did. I know pretty much exactly 3 people who do like to dance, all of them female. I don't think I ever met a straight guy who liked dancing.

I know it's not a "deal breaker", lol. So he lied once on his application form... I think if that's all he lied about you're still pretty lucky ;)
yeah, somethinga bout it being lewd. dunno anyone specifically against dancing, but you never know.

yeah, somethinga bout it being lewd. dunno anyone specifically against dancing, but you never know.
actually it's a Southern Baptist thing, until recently anyway, you still get the "old people" who are all "Footloose" about it.....:rolleyes: I got kicked out of church once for going to prom, they said I was 'acting like a whore'.........it was a bad church though. ;) they re-admitted me for awhile when I was working there and then I got fired and taken off the rolls and told not to come back because I listened to "secular music"

actually it's a Southern Baptist thing, until recently anyway, you still get the "old people" who are all "Footloose" about it.....:rolleyes: I got kicked out of church once for going to prom, they said I was 'acting like a whore'.........it was a bad church though. ;) they re-admitted me for awhile when I was working there and then I got fired and taken off the rolls and told not to come back because I listened to "secular music"
:rolleyes:
sometimes I do wonder about some of my christian Brethren.

*Zen Dips Smunkee*

:rolleyes:
sometimes I do wonder about some of my christian Brethren.
don't I know it. The church in question got "kicked out" of the Southern Baptist Convention ;) I had nothing to do with that

*Zen Dips Smunkee*
now, you are just showing off.....

don't I know it. The church in question got "kicked out" of the Southern Baptist Convention ;) I had nothing to do with that


now, you are just showing off.....Karma, lady, is a real kicker when it comes back to bite...

oh and you can lead if you want. ;)

Karma, lady, is a real kicker when it comes back to bite...
don't I know it.

oh and you can lead if you want. ;)
how did you know I like to lead?:D

don't I know it.
how did you know I like to lead?:Dbecause I, for many things, like to follow. :D

This reminds me of how I (almost) danced once in my life... I always hated it for the reasons stated above, but one day I was out with two female friends (no, not on a date kind of way ;) ), so resisting would have meant being alone with my can o' coke (not that that is a bad thing per se, but... didn't want to be a kill-joy). So I followed them to the dancing... part... of... the... disco... tried... to.. begin... but...

I...

just...

couldn't...

move...

...soILeftAsQuicklyAsICould, muttering something about it being the wrong music.

Anyway, maybe you keep wondering why he would dance with you at home, but not at some other place. He hates to dance, and if he has to dance anyway, he could just as well in public, right? Well, no. See, if you prefer dancing in public, you kind of admit that "other people" are a part of the whole dancing thing. And this is the part of dancing most of us despise most.

As for my suggestion, I'd take the lonely dance hours. Why not just tell him you accept, but hope he'll change his opinion? The trick, then, is to NOT make him feel pushed (as in: "See how much fun it is? Next week we'll go dancing in public, come on!"), but to try to make it a fun event for him that he doesn't anticipate in agony the whole week before.

And I dunno about the dancing with the kids part. If a man doesn't want to make a fool of himself to strangers, why would he want to do so in front of his kids?

_
edit: wtf's with jolt? Keeps telling me about "invalid threads"... had to post this three times, glad I copypasted it before submitting...

Wow. Just killed another thread. I think it's the third in about four to which I participated %-)

Maybe I should just learn to phrase my thoughts faster...

uh...........hmm...... do you at least know what we are talking about?
Yes.

Wow. Just killed another thread. I think it's the third in about four to which I participated %-)

Maybe I should just learn to phrase my thoughts faster...
Did not. It's still alive, just sleeping. I think you've just reiterated what others have said, though. I agreed with all of it, IIRC.

Did not. It's still alive, just sleeping. I think you've just reiterated what others have said, though. I agreed with all of it, IIRC.

Phew. And you're right about the reiterating... there's not *that* much new in my post.

Phew. And you're right about the reiterating... there's not *that* much new in my post.
I liked what you said about not pushing him, it's something I will have to keep in mind during our dancing.

There has to be more to the general reticence of men with regard to dancing than just not knowing how to do it well. Men have no probhlem whatsoever playing pool in public when they are useless at the game, nor do they worry about looking stupid when bowling, or messing around with a football on the beach. So why then do most of us get so shy when it comes to dancing.

It has to be something to do with the effeminate nature of the activity, and the reputation of dancers (male ones anyway) for being homosexual. The reason why the latins are more willing to dance is that this reputation does not exist in the latin culture. Dancing is not associated with homosexuality the way it is in the Anglo saxon culture.
i disagree entirely. for a start, i don't play pool in public, or play shite football on the beach or whatever because i - same as dancing - feel a fool.
second off, i'm pretty sure i don't care about that stereotype. i'm generally not one for "conforming" to stereotypes (much as i hate that phrase)... not that i try not to conform or whatever like some wannabe emo kid, just that i do what i like and don't care much about that kind of thing. if i enjoy it i do it, and i don't enjoy dancing, playing pool badly around others, playing football, or any of those things... hence i don't do them. for me at least, that stereotype issue doesn't even come into it.

i do however enjoy bowling, but that's mostly cos i'm not half bad at it :p

yes, this exactly is what confuses me. He joined a softball league knowing he had never played befor e in his life, they lost all but one game, and he is fine with that, but he is a good dancer and he won't dance.........because "I will look stupid"
i think a fair bit of that may be negative reinforcement... as in, i don't find dancing fun. therefore when i see most people dancing i either a) think they're not having fun either and are doing it for some alterior motive (to get laid ;)), or b) just look silly. therefore there's a generally negative view applied to the whole concept of dancing, and more specifically a vew that those who dance look silly, most likely stemming from a lack of appreciation for the moves or aesthetic-ness that would come from dancing experience. its kinda a catch-22.
thats at least in part how i see it anyway


i'd also add that some people can just connect with music in a way that makes them move. some people just... don't get that and have to force the movement to the music. that certainly doesn't help the feeling of 'looking stupid' as you look around you and everyone else seems to be doing stuff properly and in time to the music or whatever, and it doesn't matter whether you have been told you are ok at dancing or not, you still feel out of place and stupid for forcing what seems to come so naturally to those who genuinely enjoy dancing.


saying 'i'll look stupid' may also be a simple way of masking his true reasons for not liking to dance, which may run deeper from previous bad experiences or something (maybe - just a thought)

Phew. And you're right about the reiterating... there's not *that* much new in my post.
You'll find I'm right rather a lot.;):p If my reputation doesn't already precede me....

I liked what you said about not pushing him, it's something I will have to keep in mind during our dancing.
Not pushing him during the dancing. You may have to shove him to get started, though. Try the classes idea, and if that doesn't work, just spontaneously drag him out onto the dance floor.

i disagree entirely. for a start, i don't play pool in public, or play shite football on the beach or whatever because i - same as dancing - feel a fool.
second off, i'm pretty sure i don't care about that stereotype. i'm generally not one for "conforming" to stereotypes (much as i hate that phrase)... not that i try not to conform or whatever like some wannabe emo kid, just that i do what i like and don't care much about that kind of thing. if i enjoy it i do it, and i don't enjoy dancing, playing pool badly around others, playing football, or any of those things... hence i don't do them. for me at least, that stereotype issue doesn't even come into it.

i do however enjoy bowling, but that's mostly cos i'm not half bad at it :p


i think a fair bit of that may be negative reinforcement... as in, i don't find dancing fun. therefore when i see most people dancing i either a) think they're not having fun either and are doing it for some alterior motive (to get laid ;)), or b) just look silly. therefore there's a generally negative view applied to the whole concept of dancing, and more specifically a vew that those who dance look silly, most likely stemming from a lack of appreciation for the moves or aesthetic-ness that would come from dancing experience. its kinda a catch-22.
thats at least in part how i see it anyway


i'd also add that some people can just connect with music in a way that makes them move. some people just... don't get that and have to force the movement to the music. that certainly doesn't help the feeling of 'looking stupid' as you look around you and everyone else seems to be doing stuff properly and in time to the music or whatever, and it doesn't matter whether you have been told you are ok at dancing or not, you still feel out of place and stupid for forcing what seems to come so naturally to those who genuinely enjoy dancing.


saying 'i'll look stupid' may also be a simple way of masking his true reasons for not liking to dance, which may run deeper from previous bad experiences or something (maybe - just a thought)
:eek::eek: GAH! Text wall! Text wall! EYES BLEEDING!!!1!
*starts reading*

See, n00blet? That's how it's done.:p

You'll find I'm right rather a lot.;):p If my reputation doesn't already precede me....

I won't disagree with you here. Maybe another day, at some other thread, though... :)

Not pushing him during the dancing. You may have to shove him to get started, though. Try the classes idea, and if that doesn't work, just spontaneously drag him out onto the dance floor.

I don't know about him, but I would absolutely positively hate it if someone ever tried doing that to me....

i disagree entirely. for a start, i don't play pool in public, or play shite football on the beach or whatever because i - same as dancing - feel a fool.
second off, i'm pretty sure i don't care about that stereotype. i'm generally not one for "conforming" to stereotypes (much as i hate that phrase)... not that i try not to conform or whatever like some wannabe emo kid, just that i do what i like and don't care much about that kind of thing. if i enjoy it i do it, and i don't enjoy dancing, playing pool badly around others, playing football, or any of those things... hence i don't do them. for me at least, that stereotype issue doesn't even come into it.

i do however enjoy bowling, but that's mostly cos i'm not half bad at it :p


i think a fair bit of that may be negative reinforcement... as in, i don't find dancing fun. therefore when i see most people dancing i either a) think they're not having fun either and are doing it for some alterior motive (to get laid ;)), or b) just look silly. therefore there's a generally negative view applied to the whole concept of dancing, and more specifically a vew that those who dance look silly, most likely stemming from a lack of appreciation for the moves or aesthetic-ness that would come from dancing experience. its kinda a catch-22.
thats at least in part how i see it anyway


i'd also add that some people can just connect with music in a way that makes them move. some people just... don't get that and have to force the movement to the music. that certainly doesn't help the feeling of 'looking stupid' as you look around you and everyone else seems to be doing stuff properly and in time to the music or whatever, and it doesn't matter whether you have been told you are ok at dancing or not, you still feel out of place and stupid for forcing what seems to come so naturally to those who genuinely enjoy dancing.


saying 'i'll look stupid' may also be a simple way of masking his true reasons for not liking to dance, which may run deeper from previous bad experiences or something (maybe - just a thought)
Two things, one for each segment:
1) You most certainly are a fool.:p
2) Yes....Yes, most probably.

:eek::eek: GAH! Text wall! Text wall! EYES BLEEDING!!!1!
*starts reading*

See, n00blet? That's how it's done.:p
its not that bad. i have paragraphs and everything :)

I won't disagree with you here. Maybe another day, at some other thread, though... :)
Maybe, but I'm a sore loser. Odds are you'd regret it.:p

Two things, one for each segment:
1) You most certainly are a fool.:p
2) Yes....Yes, most probably.
whatever.

I don't know about him, but I would absolutely positively hate it if someone ever tried doing that to me....
Yes, but I'm basing it on information she's provided. She'd know better than to try my advice if it doesn't really follow suit with him.

its not that bad. i have paragraphs and everything :)
Yeah, I know. But he has to start somewhere. It was just easiest to pick on you. Sorry.:)

I'm a man and can dance when totally sober, if the song is right (as it often is). Dancing offers great opportunities to make hilarious visual jokes.

Men are just uptight about dancing. It can be fun, not a chore - just loosen up and relax.

I'm a man and can dance when totally sober, if the song is right (as it often is). Dancing offers great opportunities to make hilarious visual jokes.

Men are just uptight about dancing. It can be fun, not a chore - just loosen up and relax.
I refuse, and there's nothing you can do to change my mind!*pouts*
:p

Do what I do. Go out dancing with other men. Then he can play on his forums (not this one, so he's a loser) and I can have fun.

...yeah, this relationship is really gonna last.

Smunkee, I went dancing with my gorgeous date and had a spectacular extravagent, so many other adjectives, time. The club offerred a lesson before the band started to play, for FREE. SO, I was able to learn and be quite reasonable at it. I suggest that everyone should try it, I mean, if a non-rythmically inclined White Man such as myself can do it, I think everyone has a good shot at it. I am so happy I took a chance and let myself out there:) :) :) :) :fluffle: :) :) :) :) :)

Do what I do. Go out dancing with other men. Then he can play on his forums (not this one, so he's a loser) and I can have fun.

...yeah, this relationship is really gonna last.

The guy sounds like an ass to me.

The guy sounds like an ass to me.
Yeah, he should find other ways to distract her so her legs'll be too busy to dance.

.....wait.....that might not sound quite right.....

Maybe try and find a very controlled environment to start dancing in (IE some place where the dance steps are very controlled, you don't have to interact with other dancers too much, and no one is watching you. That way he has a chance to get comfortable with just the action of dancing. Patience is a virtue.

That or find some reason that he will enjoy a great deal to be at a place with a dance floor, so that both of you get something out of it (if he gets nothing out of dancing).

Then again, I'm a guy and I hate dancing too, because it feels so darn artificial and silly, so I know how he feels.

Dancing is for women, and even then, it better involve a pole.

Dancing is for women, and even then, it better involve a pole.
:gundge:

Dancing is for women, and even then, it better involve a pole.
I would expect nothing less than those type of manners from a TX man........

btw is your river still green and stinky and polluted with pigeons?

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me dancing?!


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)

Nah, the best way around is to find yourself a nice gay friend who is an awesome dancer and go out dancing with him all the times you feel like it. If your husband protests, just tell him, "Well, it could be you, but you are too manly for it, no?"

That's it, from personal experience, it works, either he accepts the fact and you get to go out and dance with your friend, or he learns to dance and starts going out with you out of spite.

You can't make someone enjoy something (and being good at something doesn't mean you enjoy it). It's as simple as that, sorry. He obviously doesn't enjoy it, and even if you could make him put up with it or something, would you really want to be putting him through something he dislikes so much and feels so uncomfortable with? Could you actually enjoy it anyway?

There's no ideal solution, and I'm sure he feels bad about "holding you back", but it's just one of those things. You can still enjoy dancing with him at home, and going out to dance, and there's the possibilty he could change his mind, but don't assume he will.

:fluffle: :fluffle:

You can't make someone enjoy something (and being good at something doesn't mean you enjoy it). It's as simple as that, sorry. He obviously doesn't enjoy it, and even if you could make him put up with it or something, would you really want to be putting him through something he dislikes so much and feels so uncomfortable with? Could you actually enjoy it anyway?

There's no ideal solution, and I'm sure he feels bad about "holding you back", but it's just one of those things. You can still enjoy dancing with him at home, and going out to dance, and there's the possibilty he could change his mind, but don't assume he will.

:fluffle: :fluffle:
damn it Glitz, you are too wise for your age..........PM is lucky to have you.

damn it Glitz, you are too wise for your age..........PM is lucky to have you.
Hehe, thanks :P

Hehe, thanks :P
you remind me of me before I smoked a lot of pot and killed off vital brain cells...haha

damn it Glitz, you are too wise for your age..........PM is lucky to have you.
i am :) :fluffle:

The guy sounds like an ass to me.

He certainly can be! It's what I get for dating a computer nerd.

Yeah, he should find other ways to distract her so her legs'll be too busy to dance.

Yeah, you know, some of that would be nice too. :rolleyes:

you remind me of me before I smoked a lot of pot and killed off vital brain cells...haha

You did what? :eek: Good lord woman, don't tarnish our lady madonna image of you. It's all we've got.

You did what? :eek: Good lord woman, don't tarnish our lady madonna image of you. It's all we've got.
I think it's common knowledge around here that I used to be a drug addict (although I wasn't addicted to pot, that's just what I did inbetween the other stuff so I wouldn't you know.....die)

I think it's common knowledge around here that I used to be a drug addict (although I wasn't addicted to pot, that's just what I did inbetween the other stuff so I wouldn't you know.....die)

Oh! ...well then. Alright! (I still think of you as Lady Madonna anyway.)

Oh! ...well then. Alright! (I still think of you as Lady Madonna anyway.)
yeah, but I have better clothes ;) :p

Oh! ...well then. Alright! (I still think of you as Lady Madonna anyway.)
With children at her feet and wondering how she manages to make ends meet?

With children at her feet and wondering how she manages to make ends meet?
darn skippy..... that's an awesome song

darn skippy..... that's an awesome song

Indeed! Listen to the music playing in your head! :D

He certainly can be! It's what I get for dating a computer nerd.
Hey!:mad:

Yeah, you know, some of that would be nice too. :rolleyes:
Sorry. I'm too far away to be much use.:(

smunk.
its friday. Put something he finds sexy on, and walk past him on your way to the bathroom. When (and he will) ask whats with the outfit, say your going to the local bar/club to do some dancing. "don't worry honey, I won't be home to late you know how it gets there and the night grinds on....".
Whether he dances or not, he'll be there. then get a few drinks in him and slowly coax him onto the dance floor.

He certainly can be! It's what I get for dating a computer nerd.
You just didn't choose the right computer nerd.... :D

You just didn't choose the right computer nerd.... :D
hey, i don't dance either :p

hey, i don't dance either :p
Who said she meant you?;):p

I don't dance either, but, I have little occassion to, going either to Pubs or gigs.

However, I wouldn't be comfortable dancing in any case. I fully anticipate looking like the "Geoff from IT at the office party" stereotype.

hey, i don't dance either :p
she was replying to a post about the guy being an ass! you're not an ass! :p that was my point *nods*
:fluffle:

and you do dance.... cute silly dances :p like i said yesterday, that's all i need ;) :D and for you to put up with my uncontrollable dancing to music that's usually crap :P

Well I dance but not in front of family only with friends or even complete strangers. Family I can't handle. If you want him to dance promise him a so called treat if ya catch my drift.;)

Well I dance but not in front of family only with friends or even complete strangers. Family I can't handle. If you want him to dance promise him a so called treat if ya catch my drift.;)
Are we going to have the "human animal" argument again?:p

Are we going to have the "human animal" argument again?:p

Sometimes treats are necessary. And anyway I like treat:p

Sometimes treats are necessary. And anyway I like treat:p
And a scratch behind the ears?:p

And a scratch behind the ears?:p
oh yes... that and belly rubs... :D

oh yes... that and belly rubs... :D
*tosses you a rawhide*

*tosses you a rawhide*
Puleeeze...

you obviously never had a good belly rub. :D

I will only dance once I learn salsa. Then I'll dance when it's just with friends.

I don't see dancing as gay. I see it as classy.

I will only dance once I learn salsa. Then I'll dance when it's just with friends.

I don't see dancing as gay. I see it as classy.
Me, I wanna learn the Tango, and the Waltz.

Puleeeze...

you obviously never had a good belly rub. :D
Nope. I haven't. No physical contact with humanity.

Me, I wanna learn the Tango, and the Waltz.
Really? How odd. So do I.

Me, I wanna learn the Tango, and the Waltz.
both very important. A word of advice on learning the Waltz, practice to the Chimpmunk Christmas song, it's a slow waltz but very pronounced, makes it easy to keep time, but leaves you time to figure out your next move ;)

both very important. A word of advice on learning the Waltz, practice to the Chimpmunk Christmas song, it's a slow waltz but very pronounced, makes it easy to keep time, but leaves you time to figure out your next move ;)
ok, will keep that in mind..

of course I first need 1) a dance partner and possibly 2) an instructor... :D

ok, will keep that in mind..

of course I first need 1) a dance partner and possibly 2) an instructor... :D
you need a plane ticket to Oklahoma then. ;) I will teach.

both very important. A word of advice on learning the Waltz, practice to the Chimpmunk Christmas song, it's a slow waltz but very pronounced, makes it easy to keep time, but leaves you time to figure out your next move ;)
*takes notes*

you need a plane ticket to Oklahoma then. ;) I will teach.
Is that just a special offer for him, or is that open to others?

Is that just a special offer for him, or is that open to others?
just him. ;)

Is that just a special offer for him, or is that open to others?
"Ms Smunkeevilles NS Dance School" :D

just him. ;)
Then I'll just go sulk into a corner. I know no one who could teach me.:(

"Ms Smunkeevilles NS Dance School" :D
;)

Then I'll just go sulk into a corner. I know no one who could teach me.:(
it's just because I don't know you very well yet. ;)

besides there has to be an old lady around there that will teach you LOL

it's just because I don't know you very well yet. ;)

besides there has to be an old lady around there that will teach you LOL
I was going to say there are ways of changing that, and there certainly are, but I think I may have found someone who might teach me when she knows me better.:) Thanks, though.

just him. ;)
`yay...

*looks up on Orbitz for tickets to Oklahoma...*

`yay...

*looks up on Orbitz for tickets to Oklahoma...*
Find anything reasonable?

Me, I wanna learn the Tango, and the Waltz.

I remeber way back in 3rd Grade, out teacher threw everything off her desk and taught the entire class how to waltz

Put a few beers in him, he might just surprise you and chicken dance with you.

Put a few beers in him, he might just surprise you and chicken dance with you.
Or alone.

Or alone.
Or on top of a moving car.

Or on top of a moving car.
I've never actually seen that. Sounds funny. Especially when the car crashes and her glisteni...wait, that's from the book Jaws. Nevermind.

I've never actually seen that. Sounds funny. Especially when the car crashes and her glisteni...wait, that's from the book Jaws. Nevermind.
One.

Two.


Chachacha.

One.

Two.


Chachacha.
Riiiiight.

Riiiiight.
Three.

Four.


Chachacha.

If it seems like I've been lost
In let's remember
If you think I'm feeling older
And missing my younger days
Oh, then you should have known me much better
'Cause my past is something that never
Got in my way
Oh no

Still I would not be here now
If I never had the hunger
And I'm not ashamed to say
The wild boys were my friends
Oh
'Cause I never felt the desire
'Til their music set me on fire
And then I was saved, yeah
That's why I'm keeping the faith
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Keeping the faith

We wore old matador boots
Only Flagg Brothers had them with a Cuban heel
Iridescent socks with the same color shirt
And a tight pair of chinos
Oh
I put on my shark skin jacket
You know the kind with the velvet collar
And ditty-bop shades
Oh yeah
I took a fresh pack of Luckies
And a mint called Sen-Sen
My old man's Trojans
And his Old Spice after shave
Oh
Combed my hair in a pompadour
Like the rest of the Romeos wore
A permanent wave, Yeah
We were keeping the faith
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Keeping the faith
You can get just so much
From a good thing
You can linger too long
In your dreams
Say goodbye to the
Oldies but goodies
'Cause the good ole days weren't
Always good
And tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems

Learned stickball as a formal education
Lost a lot of fights
But it taught me how to lose O.K.
Oh, I heard about sex
But not enough
I found you could dance
And still look tough anyway
Oh yes I did
I found out a man ain't just being macho
Ate an awful lot of late night drive-in food Drank a lot of take home pay
I thought I was the Duke of Earl
When I made it with a red-haired girl
In the Chevrolet. Oh yeah
We were keeping the faith
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Keeping the faith

You know the good ole days weren't always good
And tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems

I told you my reasons
For the whole revival
Now I'm going outside to have
An ice cold beer in the shade
Oh, I'm going to listen to my 45's
Ain't it wonderful to be alive
When the rock 'n' roll plays, yeah
When the memory stays, yeah
I'm keeping the faith
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Keeping the faith
I'm keeping the faith,
Yes I am

Three.

Four.


Chachacha.
*trips you*

*trips you*
One tequila.

Two tequila.

Three tequila.


Floor!

One tequila.

Two tequila.

Three tequila.


Floor!
Err, I'm not tequila...

Some guys (myself included) just don't enjoy dancing in the slightest.
It's nothing really to do with ability, we just hate it. It isn't fun and we feel daft.

If you're going to make him take you, even when you know he hates it, then you'll just have to resort to being a b****



:P

This is the correct answer in my opinion.

I don't 'know' how to dance, and I would feel stupid if I even tried. Some people (me) have too much pride to even try to do something which could make you either look
a) Gay
b) A dumbass in public

To be honest, I just don't understand why people dance (or maybe rather the point of it) :confused:

Err, I'm not tequila...
Oh my god.

I looooove espresso.

One.

Two.


Chachacha.

Well, you can nagg, and eventually he will dance to shut you up, ut this will build resent in the relationship, and he definitely won't enjoy himself.
Another approach is to emotionally blackmail him (by far the most popular, and effective means that women use to get what they want) into doing your bidding. This way he may not actively resent you as much as the nagging, and he may allow himself to have fun, but your relationship will take permanament subliminal damage. You can only perform the blackmail move so many times until a man hates your guts (often without realising).
Finally, you could try involving yourself in his interest a little (not too much) and try and get to actually enjoy doing stuff with you. This approach requires a very healthy relationship (very rare) and an extremely high level of mutual respect (rarer again). If you don't have this, it will take a long time to get.

My suggestion, if you have an awesome relationship, go the final option. However, in the more likely circumstance that you have an 'average' relationship I'd recommend option two. Emotional blackmailing him is almost as good as the real thing, and he won't actively resent you for the experience. Also, at the end of it all, you will own a fraction more of hs self-respect.

Well, you can nagg, and eventually he will dance to shut you up, ut this will build resent in the relationship, and he definitely won't enjoy himself.
Another approach is to emotionally blackmail him (by far the most popular, and effective means that women use to get what they want) into doing your bidding. This way he may not actively resent you as much as the nagging, and he may allow himself to have fun, but your relationship will take permanament subliminal damage. You can only perform the blackmail move so many times until a man hates your guts (often without realising).
Finally, you could try involving yourself in his interest a little (not too much) and try and get to actually enjoy doing stuff with you. This approach requires a very healthy relationship (very rare) and an extremely high level of mutual respect (rarer again). If you don't have this, it will take a long time to get.

My suggestion, if you have an awesome relationship, go the final option. However, in the more likely circumstance that you have an 'average' relationship I'd recommend option two. Emotional blackmailing him is almost as good as the real thing, and he won't actively resent you for the experience. Also, at the end of it all, you will own a fraction more of hs self-respect.

we do have the awesome relationship you speak of, the problem being that we have shared in eachother's intrests so much that they are our own interests now, dancing is the only 'odd man out' so to speak, however upon further examination, I don't care to play Zelda.........do you think if I took more of an interest in that, it would help my case?

Oh my god.

I looooove espresso.

One.

Two.


Chachacha.
I hate coffee of any sort.

I like to dance, my husband doesn't like to dance. I asked him why tonight and he says "because I don't know how and I will look stupid"

okay, I get that, so I clear the middle of the living room floor, and teach him

flash forward 10 minutes, he is sufficient at enough moves that I say 'we should go dancing' to which he replies 'no, I don't want to dance'

I tell him he has no excuse anymore I taught him how to waltz, swing dance, and fox trot and he picked it all up very quickly, he has good rhythm, he has good form, I HAD FUN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

why won't he take me danci


how do I make him take me? (without resorting to being a bitch or otherwise being manipulative or nagging until he gives in, which btw I am not opposed to doing if I have to)

Forget your husband. Find an attractive gay latino to be your dance partner instead.

Otherwise show him how sexy dancing can be,

we do have the awesome relationship you speak of, the problem being that we have shared in eachother's intrests so much that they are our own interests now, dancing is the only 'odd man out' so to speak, however upon further examination, I don't care to play Zelda.........do you think if I took more of an interest in that, it would help my case?
Probably not much, to be completely honest. You said you were teaching him....does he mind dancing with you in private at all?

Wow, it actually looks like FD posted something on topic...apocalypse!!! Run!!!

Probably not much, to be completely honest. You said you were teaching him....does he mind dancing with you in private at all?
dancing in the living room with appropriate music on... sounds like the best way to go! :D

Wow, it actually looks like FD posted something on topic...apocalypse!!! Run!!!
It happens more than they like people to know.

dancing in the living room with appropriate music on... sounds like the best way to go! :D
I'm not talking about your lessons.:p

Seriously, though. I was thinking it might get him to have enough fun where he does it with her more, maybe takes her out for it. Or that it would at least be a little something for each of them if he never had a change of heart.

yeah, but I already make him do a ton of other stuff, like go see musicals, and visit the elderly and sing folk songs.


What kind of sick sadistic person are you? I mean these things listed above are what I would call torture. Your name should be forwarded to the UN for prosecution. Seriously though I think he has done more than enough already not to be tortured with something else he doesn't like to do. Try doing something he enjoys. It will go alot further for your relationship.

Probably not much, to be completely honest. You said you were teaching him....does he mind dancing with you in private at all?
he has twice, but it's to early to tell if it is going to be a regular thing.