NationStates Jolt Archive

Ever since my last operation on Dec. 22, I've been wondering something. Was my reason for changing my physical apperance (my face and head only) valid? My reason was that I wanted to blend in more with the crowds, that I got tired of sticking out like a sore thumb. Also, I had a hard time getting a job with my old look. I hate shallow and materialistic people with a passion (mainly for what they did to me in my lifetime), but now I wonder if I've become shallow by having the surgeries that I've had. I mean I do look better, and the doctors who did the operations did an excellent job, but still, I wonder if I'm now shallower and if I just took the easy way out of a problem. What do you guys think?

I also hoped to become more social after my last surgery, but eh, I'm still having a hard time trusting society in general.

What was the operation? What all did it change, and why did you think it was necessary? Did you do it to make yourself feel better about how you percieve yourself, or so that you feel better about how others percieve you?

Those would help me decide if you were being shallow or not.

Being deep doesn't mean you ignore the surface layers. Wanting to look beter doesn't make you shallow, IMHO. Besides, if you're happier and being more social then I'd consider the surgeries a success. You didn't like an element of yourself and changed it. It's no different than deciding to be less selfish of gullible or something.

What was the operation?

six ear reconstruction surgery and three jaw surgeries.


What all did it change, and why did you think it was necessary?


To blend in and to have a better chance of getting a job, yes.


Did you do it to make yourself feel better about how you percieve yourself, or so that you feel better about how others percieve you?

Alittle bit of both.

Does it really matter?

six ear reconstruction surgery and three jaw surgeries.



To blend in and to have a better chance of getting a job, yes.




Alittle bit of both.

You were the flyguy (pilot) right?

You were the flyguy (pilot) right?

yes.

Does it really matter?
The opinion of random NSers is vitally important to all aspects of everything.

Does it really matter?

Yes it does. Because I would like to make sure I've done it for the right reason.

yes.

Ah, I remember now. Eh, doesn't seem like that big a deal. You were funny-looking, now you're not (presumably).

Yes it does. Because I would like to make sure I've done it for the right reason.
Isn't it far too late now? Unless you want to go back and get the surgeries undone, which could very well be impossible.

Yes it does. Because I would like to make sure I've done it for the right reason.

If it seems like the right thing for you, and it makes you more comfortable with yourself, then you did it for every right reason.

Did you have an actual deformaty or was it just you didn't like the look of your ears and chin?

Yes it does. Because I would like to make sure I've done it for the right reason.

If it was the wrong reason, would you reverse it?

Did you have an actual deformaty or was it just you didn't like the look of your ears and chin?

yes I did have an actual deformaty, and for those who say I can't reverse it, I have a hammer and very sharp knives! :p, but for all pratical sense and purpose, no I can't reverse it without self mutilation.

yes I did have an actual deformaty, and for those who say I can't reverse it, I have a hammer and very sharp knives! :p, but for all pratical sense and purpose, no I can't reverse it without self mutilation.

Then the point would be?

It was just an operation to change your appearance. People change their appearance all the time. It's not like you stole from needy children to pay for trendy shoes.

yes I did have an actual deformaty, and for those who say I can't reverse it, I have a hammer and very sharp knives! :p, but for all pratical sense and purpose, no I can't reverse it without self mutilation.
Oh, well then shit man-you've got nothing to worry about. You only have to accept things like that if you can't do anything about it. If it bothered you and you could-that's really what that kind of surgery really is for, not plus/minusing a models face but helping out cats like you. Buck up, camper-it's all good.

i understand what you are worried about. is it shallow to give in to the demands of a shallow society? isnt it better to tough it out and force them to deal with you as you are? if you see yourself as OK why should you bend to the standards of others?

the truth is that we put on our best face all the time. we arrange our hair in a certain way, we buy certain clothes rather than others as a kind of statement about us. we wash the dirt off our bodies and use something that makes us smell nice. what you did was not so different from me bleaching my hair blonde. it was just harder.

its not shallow to want to look our best; its human. this is especially true of people who are far enough out of the norm to be treated differently just because of our looks. its not that you wanted to be transformed into tom cruise; you just wanted to be able to go out in public and not have people stare at you or discriminate against you for something out of your control. to compete on a level playing field for a change.

no you werent shallow and it certainly wasnt easy was it? you have made an accomodation to society at large but we all do that in our own way. you have removed a senseless impediment to achieving your life goals. (senseless because you are the same person you were before.)

if you can get some cheap psychological councilling (county mental health or someone else who charges on a sliding scale) you should consider it. they can help you adjust to your very natural anger at society for treating you like crap in the past and as OK now when you are the same person you always were. since you have taken this step, you need to learn how to deal with it so as to get the most benefit from all you have suffered with these surgeries.

if you can get some cheap psychological councilling (county mental health or someone else who charges on a sliding scale) you should consider it. they can help you adjust to your very natural anger at society for treating you like crap in the past and as OK now when you are the same person you always were. since you have taken this step, you need to learn how to deal with it so as to get the most benefit from all you have suffered with these surgeries.

I've tried councilling before, never really work, but I may give it a third try.

Ever since my last operation on Dec. 22, I've been wondering something. Was my reason for changing my physical apperance (my face and head only) valid? My reason was that I wanted to blend in more with the crowds, that I got tired of sticking out like a sore thumb. Also, I had a hard time getting a job with my old look. I hate shallow and materialistic people with a passion (mainly for what they did to me in my lifetime), but now I wonder if I've become shallow by having the surgeries that I've had. I mean I do look better, and the doctors who did the operations did an excellent job, but still, I wonder if I'm now shallower and if I just took the easy way out of a problem. What do you guys think?

I also hoped to become more social after my last surgery, but eh, I'm still having a hard time trusting society in general.

It doesnt matter if you have become shallow or not. If you have become shallow then you can become deep again. Quit analysing so you can enjoy yourself and go experiment with your new look in public for awhile. There will be time to take moral stock later. Right now is your only time to experiment with what your changes while they are new.

Ever since my last operation on Dec. 22, I've been wondering something. Was my reason for changing my physical apperance (my face and head only) valid? My reason was that I wanted to blend in more with the crowds, that I got tired of sticking out like a sore thumb. Also, I had a hard time getting a job with my old look. I hate shallow and materialistic people with a passion (mainly for what they did to me in my lifetime), but now I wonder if I've become shallow by having the surgeries that I've had. I mean I do look better, and the doctors who did the operations did an excellent job, but still, I wonder if I'm now shallower and if I just took the easy way out of a problem. What do you guys think?

I also hoped to become more social after my last surgery, but eh, I'm still having a hard time trusting society in general.


Whats wrong with improving yourself in the way you think needs to be done? Absolutley nothing. You're fine mate, don't worry about it.

There are certain deformities that, by their nature and location have the effect of making those that have them feel isolated and excluded, even if they are not. These deformities are those involving the head and face. They effectively prevent other people (with a very few rare exceptions) from making the normal eye contact that we make when we talk to people. The interlocator either avoids looking at your face if you have this type of problem, or ends up looking at the deformity and not at you.

As such any surgical correction that can be made to such deformities is not just a matter of 'shallow' fitting in. It is an action that can prevent depression and anxiety etc. It is more than just your looks that are being changed, the way the world interacts with you is also transformed as is your self esteem.

There are certain deformities that, by their nature and location have the effect of making those that have them feel isolated and excluded, even if they are not. These deformities are those involving the head and face. They effectively prevent other people (with a very few rare exceptions) from making the normal eye contact that we make when we talk to people. The interlocator either avoids looking at your face if you have this type of problem, or ends up looking at the deformity and not at you.

As such any surgical correction that can be made to such deformities is not just a matter of 'shallow' fitting in. It is an action that can prevent depression and anxiety etc. It is more than just your looks that are being changed, the way the world interacts with you is also transformed as is your self esteem.

Yea, but I'm still mostly a hermit.

In my opinion, I think it's great ot stick out... (But like not the thousand-piercings, green-haired, gothic people...)

I've tried councilling before, never really work, but I may give it a third try.
if it hasnt worked at all, you probably need a different coucillor with a different focus.

i dont know how old you are but you have at least 2 practical things to work on. the first is obviously your anger. you know that. the other is learning how to have a regular relationship with the people you meet. its sort of like getting braces off your legs and learning how to walk normally. it takes time to know what normal is. you dont want your reactions to people to be colored by a factor that isnt there any more.

In my opinion, I think it's great ot stick out... (But like not the thousand-piercings, green-haired, gothic people...)

Yea it's great, up to the point till your orchratized. (I know it isn't spelled right.)

I've tried councilling before, never really work, but I may give it a third try.
have you tried different types of therapy? like maybe cognitive therapy? It really helped me.

have you tried different types of therapy? like maybe cognitive therapy? It really helped me.

What is cognitive therapy?

Yea, but I'm still mostly a hermit.

But are you being a hermit through habit rather than for (psychological) self defense now?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_therapy

there is a book (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452281326/002-3738604-1564805?v=glance&n=283155) that changed my life, you might want to check it out of the library. Don't be fooled by the cheesy title, it was written in the 70's I have 4 copies I loan them out a LOT, I have one that he signed that nobody gets to borrow though LOL

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_therapy

there is a book (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452281326/002-3738604-1564805?v=glance&n=283155) that changed my life, you might want to check it out of the library. Don't be fooled by the cheesy title, it was written in the 70's I have 4 copies I loan them out a LOT, I have one that he signed that nobody gets to borrow though LOL

Hmmm, I may check that out. Thanks.

What constitutes the right reason? You did it to make yourself feel better about yourself, right? Don't second guess yourself now. If your reasons seem good to you, then they're good reasons.

How come nobody's asked for before-and-after pictures? Did he (she?) already post them somewhere?

...if not, consider me the first.