NationStates Jolt Archive

Got this cat when she was around 6 weeks old back in 1993. Named her Legion (because she was many).

She died yesterday morning after a bout with a feline cancer (sorry, folks, I don't believe in putting them to sleep. They're family.) and I was pretty relieved because I knew she was better off.

However, upon breaking the news to my daughters, they bawled up a storm and wanted to help bury her and make a marker and all that nice stuff. I wasn't going to mourn or even make a thread about it, but geeze! Seeing their reaction has brought out a huge amount of emotion for me.

I hadn't really thought about the fact that they had known her all their lives.

No, I wasn't callous in my breaking of the news, by the way. I do have some heart. :p

Anyway, the real point of this thread isn't about a dead cat, but about how the innocence of children can bring out so much in us when death is concerned. Or, really, anything for that matter. It's not like I haven't dealt with death. I was 8 when one of my very favorite people in the world died (my grandfather) and I've known about death and learned to deal with death ever since. My kids haven't. This is the first death they've ever encountered.

So, the 2nd point to this is: How, as a parent, would you tend to it? We're not Christian and we don't deal with afterlife issues, so there's no "Kitty Heaven" to fall back on. I think, for the first time in my career as a parent (and that's no small number of years), I am genuinely confused and at a loss for what to do.

Thoughts?

*Feels twitchy at offering parental advice to K*

My wife an In-laws just had a long kept cat put down yesterday. I haven't had to deal w/ explaining it yet (kids are only 3). But I, as a non-believer in pretty much anything, plan on a circle of life kind of explanation.

Good luck. Keep me posted on the results.

Sorry to hear about your cat but I don't have kids so I don't know if i'd be much help....I think telling them the truth or at least what you see as the truth will work out best in the long run!

I once knew a woman who told her children that their goldfish had gone back to the pet store to visit family when it died...then brought them to the pet store so they could pick him out and bring him home!"the goldfish" and the rountine is still going 5 years later!

Bury the cat and plant a sapling over it. Then explain two the kids about the how life is all part of the natural cycle. Things are born, grow, die then return to the soil where they become part of other stuff. (Hence the tree).

Worked for me when I was a kid.

It's really not worth sugar coating, because its nothing to be depressed about anyway.

Explain to them that the kitty has become one with the force, and that they should not mourn her. That is what Yoda would say.

And hey, if your really lucky, you've just exchanged your kitty for a glowy insubstantial kitty who occaisionally says profound things.

With that set-up, I was expecting a joke. Decu.

Sorry to hear about your cat but I don't have kids so I don't know if i'd be much help....I think telling them the truth or at least what you see as the truth will work out best in the long run!

Aye ... my truth consists of: Legion's gone. She's alive in our memories, but the cat we knew is no more and never will be again. Nothing you can do about it. It doesn't suck because life is the single greatest acheivement any of us will ever accomplish. There doesn't need to be a hereafter.

Doesn't work so well with kids. They're kinda strange. ;)

I once knew a woman who told her children that their goldfish had gone back to the pet store to visit family when it died...then brought them to the pet store so they could pick him out and bring him home!"the goldfish" and the rountine is still going 5 years later!

You know ... that's actually kinda cool ... unrealistic, but really spectactularly cool.

Bury the cat and plant a sapling over it. Then explain two the kids about the how life is all part of the natural cycle. Things are born, grow, die then return to the soil where they become part of other stuff. (Hence the tree).


That's actually a terrific idea! Zowie! Why didn't I think of that?

With that set-up, I was expecting a joke. Decu.

Mea Culpa. It wasn't really serious to me. I see death as simply an integral part of life. I no more mourn death than I do rain ... but my kids are not me.

That's actually a terrific idea! Zowie! Why didn't I think of that?

'cos you didn't grow up around my mom. I doubt I would of thought of it either :)

And hey, if your really lucky, you've just exchanged your kitty for a glowy insubstantial kitty who occaisionally says profound things.

ROFL!

"Meow meow ... the force is strong in you ... meow meow light saber meow."

'cos you didn't grow up around my mom. I doubt I would of thought of it either :)

Hehe ... nah I guess I didn't ... unless ... are you my brother?

Still, fabulous idea! I like it a lot. I think I'll go with it.

my 'non-afterlife' suggestion is to have a wake, talk about good times with the cat, talk about how the cat had a good life, and how your kids were really the reason for it.

Focus on how the cat lived a long time and had just about the best life a cat could hope for...........ect.

Let them know that everything dies eventually -- it's just part of nature. I assume they know she was sick -- let them know that she was tired and just couldn't go on anymore. Then reassure them you and their mom don't plan on going anywhere soon.

If you feel like getting a new cat sometime in the future, make it a family affair. If not, just talk about the good memories of her.

Sorry to hear about your cat but I don't have kids so I don't know if i'd be much help....I think telling them the truth or at least what you see as the truth will work out best in the long run!

I once knew a woman who told her children that their goldfish had gone back to the pet store to visit family when it died...then brought them to the pet store so they could pick him out and bring him home!"the goldfish" and the rountine is still going 5 years later!
Psychological trauma ftw!

I don't want my kitty to die. When he finally does though I might send him to a taxadermist and have him stuffed so he's with me always! :D

our cat of 16 years died a year ago this week, as it happens. i miss him, but strangely enough i didn't feel anything... no remorse or much in the way of sadness. i do now, but not then.
in the previous 2 years i had 3 people at school i knew die, 1 of them a friend, so that's probably got something to do with it.

i do miss Buster now though :(



anyway, we just buried him and said our goodbyes and put something that meant something to us (regarding him) in his grave and then planed a rose called "Shine On" on top, so he could live on through the plant. i was too old to need 'kitty heaven' or whatever, so can't really help you there in explaining that, but it was a fitting and moving way to say goodbye to a family member i too had known all my life (got him when i was 4)

my 'non-afterlife' suggestion is to have a wake, talk about good times with the cat, talk about how the cat had a good life, and how your kids were really the reason for it.

*shakes fist at Irish*

*looks at own O'Reillagh name*

*says, "FUCK"*

No that's nice too. A nice wake with a tree planted. I like it a lot. :)

I don't want my kitty to die. When he finally does though I might send him to a taxadermist and have him stuffed so he's with me always! :D

I had always thought that about Legion, but money doesn't permit it.

Frankly, I'm reminded of the Family Guy episode where Brian finds his mother, Buscuit, has been turned into an end table.

I once knew a woman who told her children that their goldfish had gone back to the pet store to visit family when it died...then brought them to the pet store so they could pick him out and bring him home!"the goldfish" and the rountine is still going 5 years later!

What an awful parent. Anyone who has to lie to their children to avoid uncomfortable situations shouldn't be a parent at all. Does she also tell them that a stork brings babies?

What an awful parent. Anyone who has to lie to their children to avoid uncomfortable situations shouldn't be a parent at all. Does she also tell them that a stork brings babies?

It's not like we license babies.

my 'non-afterlife' suggestion is to have a wake, talk about good times with the cat, talk about how the cat had a good life, and how your kids were really the reason for it.

Focus on how the cat lived a long time and had just about the best life a cat could hope for...........ect.
what is a wake? :confused:

what is a wake? :confused:


Well, a gathering before the funeral, where family and friends reminisce about the dearly departed.

It can be a fairly solemn affair, with the decedent in the coffin in the room everyone's gathered in, or as I understand the Irish wake, rather a party (also with decendent present, I believe).

Gives everyone a chance to share memories and say goodbye.

It's also roughly equivalent to the Jewish tradition of sitting Shivah.(sp?)

what is a wake? :confused:

Ooh ... not Irish, I take it?

Well, a gathering before the funeral, where family and friends reminisce about the dearly departed.

It can be a fairly solemn affair, with the decedent in the coffin in the room everyone's gathered in, or as I understand the Irish wake, rather a party (also with decendent present, I believe).

Gives everyone a chance to share memories and say goodbye.
aha, thank you! only ever attended funerals/post-funeral morbid reception things before.

sounds a bit odd but what do i know? ;)

Well, a gathering before the funeral, where family and friends reminisce about the dearly departed.

It can be a fairly solemn affair, with the decedent in the coffin in the room everyone's gathered in, or as I understand the Irish wake, rather a party (also with decendent present, I believe).

Gives everyone a chance to share memories and say goodbye.

It's also roughly equivalent to the Jewish tradition of sitting Shivah.(sp?)
yep, we basically meet up eat a bunch stay up all night (sitting up with the dead) and talk about how cool they were and tell embarrassing yet hilarious stories about them. It's a pretty good way to mourn if you ask me.

Ooh ... not Irish, I take it?
nah, Welsh. our lot are too miserly to have a big irish party or anything... just make some toast, have a bit of a sing-song, and chuck the corpse on the skip is the way we do it :D

It's not like we license babies.

Of course not. The storks wouldn't give them to anyone bad. =)

yep, we basically meet up eat a bunch stay up all night (sitting up with the dead) and talk about how cool they were and tell embarrassing yet hilarious stories about them. It's a pretty good way to mourn if you ask me.
this wouldn't be a mostly american thing would it? (like interventions... another odd thing i don't quite get :P)... or maybe religious thing?
just that i've seen wakes on US tv shows and heard about them a bit, but don't really come accross them in this country in my experience (on TV, through people talking about things, my own experience, etc)

this wouldn't be a mostly american thing would it? (like interventions... another odd thing i don't quite get :P)... or maybe religious thing?
just that i've seen wakes on US tv shows and heard about them a bit, but don't really come accross them in this country in my experience (on TV, through people talking about things, my own experience, etc)
I have no clue if it's an American thing, I was told by my family it was a mesh of Irish and Southern, the wake being Irish and the sitting up with the dead having to do with some of my family living in Alabama for a while, anyway, everyone around here thinks we are nuts.

;)

We have funerals for our pets, we bury them on the property, plant something pretty, and have a wake. We do the same for family only we have to bury them at the family cemetery.

Man, I don't know what I'll do if my cat died.

He's one of a kind. Just like every other family pet.

I have no clue if it's an American thing, I was told by my family it was a mesh of Irish and Southern, the wake being Irish and the sitting up with the dead having to do with some of my family living in Alabama for a while, anyway, everyone around here thinks we are nuts.

;)

We have funerals for our pets, we bury them on the property, plant something pretty, and have a wake. We do the same for family only we have to bury them at the family cemetery.


My Southern family does it a little differently. We have a viewing the night before. Everyone shows up, but only a few people actually go into the room with the deceased - usually one at a time. There is usually food there. Everyone talks about the deceased, but still in hushed tones.

The next day, the funeral. Lots of crying.

Afterwards, everyone goes over to someone in the family's house. There is food and beer - plenty of beer. Everyone gets drunk and sits around and talks about the deceased. The talk alternates between funny stories and people sobbing. Sometimes both are happening at once.

It might well be; I don't know. Been to Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish funerals in NYC and had wakes or sat Shivah as the case may be. They all soundfairly similar to the above, though.

My Southern family does it a little differently. We have a viewing the night before. Everyone shows up, but only a few people actually go into the room with the deceased - usually one at a time. There is usually food there. Everyone talks about the deceased, but still in hushed tones.

The next day, the funeral. Lots of crying.

Afterwards, everyone goes over to someone in the family's house. There is food and beer - plenty of beer. Everyone gets drunk and sits around and talks about the deceased. The talk alternates between funny stories and people sobbing. Sometimes both are happening at once.
yeah, I looked up the "Irish Wake" (http://www.rootsweb.com/~irlcar2/An_Irish_Wake.htm)and it's pretty much exactly what we do, so maybe the southern thing is something else that we do?:confused:

We have the wake, at the person's house (yes their body is in the house) and then we have the funeral that night for the close family, and the funeral for everyone else the next morning, we all go out to the grave site, sing hymns and then come back for lunch and stuff after. It's like a 3 day thing everytimme someone dies.

It's kinda weird to me that I do all this stuff and I never knew why.....

what is a wake? :confused:
The most depressing event ever.

nah, Welsh. our lot are too miserly to have a big irish party or anything... just make some toast, have a bit of a sing-song, and chuck the corpse on the skip is the way we do it :D

AH! Well think of it as that with more singing and a *shit load* more drinking.

I don't want my kitty to die. When he finally does though I might send him to a taxadermist and have him stuffed so he's with me always! :D
Have his head shrunk and use it as a keychain!