NationStates Jolt Archive

... who would it be? (No poll... too many options.)

NOTE: They don't have to be alive.

Stephen Hawking. I figure I'd win.

... who would it be? (No poll... too many options.)

NOTE: They don't have to be alive.
Well where's the fun in fighting a dead guy?

I'd fight Robert E. Lee.

Well where's the fun in fighting a dead guy?

He'd be alive for the fight. Duh!

Id fight Uwe Boll.....actually i think i would just kill him rather than fight him.

Wrestling match with...

Kay Parker. :D

Al Franken.

Ever since I saw him on the first Saturday Night Live (where he sucked beyond all reckoning), I've wanted to fight him.

BTW, this sort of fight should be like the Ultimate Fighting Championship, not like boxing or wrestling.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_Fighting_Championship#Rules

Jon Bon Jovi - I HATE him :mad:

... who would it be? (No poll... too many options.)

NOTE: They don't have to be alive.Ghandi.
I would have no reason to hit back and we'd both be happy :)

Stephen Hawking. I figure I'd win.
I think so to. How about... the pope? I might have a chance against him too.

And I believe it should be a fight to the death - two people go in, one person comes out.

Went through a few people:
Hitler - get a few brownie points from the Jewish lobby and probably free bagels. But Adolf would fight mean and dirty;
Rasputin - but he was a tough SOB and would no doubt wipe the floor with me;
Augustus;
Queen Victoria;
Einstein;
Washington;

So many choices.


But in the end, I settle on going toe-to-toe with Jesus.

Why?

There is no why. Just because.

I think so to. How about... the pope? I might have a chance against him too.


gotta watch out for the popes staff. it could take an eye out.

Ghandi.
I would have no reason to hit back and we'd both be happy :)I'd hate to be the commentator on that fight.
"The bell rings and immediately, both fighters move to the center of the ring and sits down... man this is a fight of pure stamina folks, who will out last the other...

aahhh this is boring..." :D

Went through a few people:
Hitler - get a few brownie points from the Jewish lobby and probably free bagels. But Adolf would fight mean and dirty;
.

i think he'll cover himself in petrol and light himself on fire before you would win teh fight. cause thats how he rolls....

I think so to. How about... the pope? I might have a chance against him too.

Which Pope? You could take JP II, but Benny 1-6 looks like he could take on four or five guys at once.

And I believe it should be a fight to the death - two people go in, one person comes out.
sorry, OP didn't specify what kind of fight. :D

tho if it was to the death, then Micheal Moore.

I'd hate to be the commentator on that fight.
"The bell rings and immediately, both fighters move to the center of the ring and sits down... man this is a fight of pure stamina folks, who will out last the other...

aahhh this is boring..." :DI've never been in a fight and not for lack of opportunities ;)

sorry, OP didn't specify what kind of fight. :D

tho if it was to the death, then Micheal Moore.

He would eat you. Literally.

sorry, OP didn't specify what kind of fight. :D

tho if it was to the death, then Micheal Moore.

He might fall on you with his fatness, and crush you.

What's your counter strategy?

And all that bulk has to be containing a few proto-farts.

He would eat you. Literally.
that fat bastard will choke on me, I guaren-damn-tee it. :D

Ronald McDonald I'd love to wipe that smug look off his face:mad:

or...

Vinnie Jones because I'd die:)

Id also would want to fight Poison so they wont go on stage anymore....

Sophie Marceau. Wrestling. On mud.

Oooo, can I change mine? I wanna fight Caesar!

Id also would want to fight Poison so they wont go on stage anymore....

Don't forget Slayer. Or Twisted Sister.

He might fall on you with his fatness, and crush you.

What's your counter strategy?

And all that bulk has to be containing a few proto-farts.
simple, he'll have to land on me for that to be effective... and i'm no pushover myself in the weight department.

actually, win or lose, the fact that I can and will pummell him is satisfying enough for me.

Jesus. Maybe I'd get a mention in the bible.

"And Jesus came to the village of Modi'in and was jumped by this drunk dude who did totally beat on his holy ass."

Sophie Marceau. Wrestling. On mud.
Young Kay Parker... in Jello... Milk would be fine... or baby oil...


*'scuse me...*

Jesus. Maybe I'd get a mention in the bible.

"And Jesus came to the village of Modi'in and was jumped by this drunk dude who did totally beat on his holy ass."

As long as his dad isn't there as part of a tag team, and turns you into a pillar of salt.

Don't forget Slayer. Or Twisted Sister.

no keep slayer. they can still kick ass.

twisted sister needs to be punced though.

Jesus. Maybe I'd get a mention in the bible.

"And Jesus came to the village of Modi'in and was jumped by this drunk dude who did totally beat on his holy ass."

"And then, God smited the drunk's ass to the deepest pits of Hell... but the dude made friends with Lucifer." :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p

paris hilton

just pommel the shit out of her.

god i hate her

Jesus. Maybe I'd get a mention in the bible.

"And Jesus came to the village of Modi'in and was jumped by this drunk dude who did totally beat on his holy ass."

Dude, in his prime Jesus was a tank. That guy had 12 personal trainers. They say that he's not really retired right now...they say Armageddon's gonna be a boxing match, and Jesus is on a nonstop 4000-year training regimen.

Not only that, but he can miraculously heal his own wounds mid-fight.

Dude, in his prime Jesus was a tank. That guy had 12 personal trainers. They say that he's not really retired right now...they say Armageddon's gonna be a boxing match, and Jesus is on a nonstop 4000-year training regimen.

Not only that, but he can miraculously heal his own wounds mid-fight.
Jesus was a hippie. Hippies aren't known for being good fighters.

Dude, in his prime Jesus was a tank. That guy had 12 personal trainers. They say that he's not really retired right now...they say Armageddon's gonna be a boxing match, and Jesus is on a nonstop 4000-year training regimen.

Not only that, but he can miraculously heal his own wounds mid-fight.

And if you guys fight in a pool, you will lose after he kicks ur face.

paris hilton

just pommel the shit out of her.

god i hate her


in the end you know youll just end up having sex with her.

Uri ****ing Geller, more just to punch him than for the fight itself. Hopefully Viz readers will have given him hemorrhoids by now...

Jesus was a hippie. Hippies aren't known for being good fighters.

You never know. Didn't Woodstock 2000 end up being a riot?

I'd hate to be the commentator on that fight.
"The bell rings and immediately, both fighters move to the center of the ring and sits down... man this is a fight of pure stamina folks, who will out last the other...

aahhh this is boring..." :D
Reminds me of an old skit Spike Milligan did of the Jehovah's Witness Boxing Champ.
He'd get into the ring and turn the other cheek, refrraining from all violence. The point of it all is make the other boxer ashamed of himself.
The Jehovah's reigning champion's favourite boxer was Ghandi (hence why your post reminded me of this sketch).
To make extra sure he wouldn't defend himself against the blows, he'd have his arms tied to his sides.
The boxing match went along the lines of,
Jehovas boxer: "I forgive him for he (wallop) knows not what he does (wallop)...Verily I turn the other cheek (wallop)...Hate not thine enemy (wallop)"
Commentator: "What a splendid lack of defence there. Look at the way he swung his face into the path of that blow...His opponent must be going out of his mind wondering what he has to do to miss him. He doesn't know what didn't hit him!"
and so on...

Pure insane classic Milligan.

You never know. Didn't Woodstock 2000 end up being a riot?

how many hippie bands played at woodstock 2000?

Jesus. Maybe I'd get a mention in the bible.

"And Jesus came to the village of Modi'in and was jumped by this drunk dude who did totally beat on his holy ass."
Too late. I baggsied Jesus already.
You'll have to make do with one of his disciples or some other saviour.
Like Mohammad or Buddha or Moses.
One of them.

Uri ****ing Geller, more just to punch him than for the fight itself. Hopefully Viz readers will have given him hemorrhoids by now...
You read that issue too, I see.

Too late. I baggsied Jesus already.
You'll have to make do with one of his disciples or some other saviour.
Like Mohammad or Buddha or Moses.
One of them.

Abraham might be fun...:p

Too late. I baggsied Jesus already.
You'll have to make do with one of his disciples or some other saviour.
Like Mohammad or Buddha or Moses.
One of them.

Promethius ftw!

What about vishinu? nobody ever wants to fight vishinu

You read that issue too, I see.

Yep :D

in the end you know youll just end up having sex with her.

that's the only worry. She'd win by VD

that's the only worry. She'd win by VD


thats how she makes her livins

What about vishinu? nobody ever wants to fight vishinu

Mind of Mencia is hosting the "Royal Religious Rumble" this Sunday. Can't wait to see jesus give buddha a purple-nurple...

Mind of Mencia is hosting the "Royal Religious Rumble" this Sunday. Can't wait to see jesus give buddha a purple-nurple...

got to watch out for buddahs fists of fury....

got to watch out for buddahs fists of fury....

Or Zeus' lightning... and u gotta watch for Vishnu's Two-Arm Reverse Punch...

So many to choose from.

I guess Ernest Hemingway, provided it wasn't a fight to the death. We could go get piss-drunk afterwards.

Or Zeus' lightning... and u gotta watch for Vishnu's Two-Arm Reverse Punch...

or the pagans horns!

I would fight Chuck Norris.
I would fight him with all I have.

It would be my defeat!
It would be my glory!























sweet. i think i just came.

or the pagans horns!

Or Moses parting the Red Sea... of your blood.

You never know. Didn't Woodstock 2000 end up being a riot?
That was Woodstock 99. I was there. I burned shit. Not just good green shit, but plywood, plastic garbage cans, a tent, just random shit.

Or Moses parting the Red Sea... of your blood.

it just keeps going and going.

then L Ron Hubbard steps in and smacks everyone around with a hardback versoin of dienetics....

I'd fight Oscar Wilde. I'd Morrissey-punch him, for irony, and he'd slap me with his glove.

it just keeps going and going.

then L Ron Hubbard steps in and smacks everyone around with a hardback versoin of dienetics....

and I enter and throw my Boomerang Sword, killing everyone.

I'd fight Oscar Wilde. I'd Morrissey-punch him, for irony, and he'd slap me with his glove.


better watch out. hes got a mean glove slap.

Too late. I baggsied Jesus already.
You'll have to make do with one of his disciples or some other saviour.
Like Mohammad or Buddha or Moses.
One of them.
That doesn't mean I can't fight him too.

That doesn't mean I can't fight him too.

it might take the both of you to take jesus down.

That doesn't mean I can't fight him too.

I'll fight you.

Round One--

Minaris performs Boomerang Sword Cyclone on Drunk commies deleted. He is felled.

A fight with the Son of God would be a lot worse.

I'll fight you.

Round One--

Minaris performs Boomerang Sword Cyclone on Drunk commies deleted. He is felled.

A fight with the Son of God would be a lot worse.

:confused:

I'll fight you.

Round One--

Minaris performs Boomerang Sword Cyclone on Drunk commies deleted. He is felled.

A fight with the Son of God would be a lot worse.
Please, a scrawny, long-haired religious hippie who's too lazy to hold down a regular job is no match for me. Plus I'd bet Jesus ain't so tough either.

:confused:

Yup. A fight with the son of God would be alot more torturous.

Please, a scrawny, long-haired religious hippie who's too lazy to hold down a regular job is no match for me. Plus I'd bet Jesus ain't so tough either.

LOL!


only thing jesus has going for him is his long reach. he may be scrawny, but his haymakers can be nasty.

better watch out. hes got a mean glove slap.

You can't beat a dandy.

LOL!


only thing jesus has going for him is his long reach. he may be scrawny, but his haymakers can be nasty.

Don't forget his carpentry. He'd probably make swords out of some nearby wood and stab you.

*surprised no one has said this*
I'd fight Abe Lincoln. Big guy, big reach. Plus, skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.

Don't forget his carpentry. He'd probably make swords out of some nearby wood and stab you.

yeah, he can also go long periods of time without food or water, so be prepared for a long battle.

*surprised no one has said this*
I'd fight Abe Lincoln. Big guy, big reach. Plus, skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.


he'll beat you with his hat.

*surprised no one has said this*
I'd fight Abe Lincoln. Big guy, big reach. Plus, skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.

I get it.

he'll beat you with his hat.
We'd fight in an ancient Greek Olympic MMA match.

Yeah, you heard me. No clothes.

We'd fight in an ancient Greek Olympic MMA match.

Yeah, you heard me. No clothes.

:eek:

abe still has those big hands....

He would eat you. Literally.

He studied Mike Tyson?

*surprised no one has said this*
I'd fight Abe Lincoln. Big guy, big reach. Plus, skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.
I believe Tyler Durden already mentioned that.

He studied Mike Tyson?


possibly dahmer too.

:eek:

abe still has those big hands....
I'll just stay on the inside. He doesn't look like he can clinch very well.

I'll just stay on the inside. He doesn't look like he can clinch very well.

nah hes got scrawny legs...

Chuck Norris - to see if any of the facts about him are true.

Ann Coulter - could use someone to wrestle with in hot oil when I'm done, plus if she gets bumped it could knock some sense into her... :D

Chuck Norris - to see if any of the facts about him are true.


you will find out when he roundhouse kicks you in teh face! :D

Chuck Norris - to see if any of the facts about him are true.

How long ago did Chuck Norris jokes get annoying for everyone else?

I got tired of him months ago...

How long ago did Chuck Norris jokes get annoying for everyone else?

I got tired of him months ago...


how long ago? when the top facts about chuck norris thead died....

which was months ago....

Chris Rock. I fucking hate him.:)

Try being irritatingly upbeat when bleeding in a heap on the floor.....

I dont want to fight dave chapelle, just slap him back to reality.

Chris Rock. I fucking hate him.:)

Try being irritatingly upbeat when bleeding in a heap on the floor.....
Are you sure you don't mean Chris Tucker? I don't remember Rock being upbeat...

Are you sure you don't mean Chris Tucker? I don't remember Rock being upbeat...


me neither. i hope he means chris tucker....

Are you sure you don't mean Chris Tucker? I don't remember Rock being upbeat...

Negro American comic who screams unnecessarily. Might be either, I simply know he's called Chris and I despise him with a passion.

Second is Pete Wentz, for being a sell out to my scene.

Negro American comic who screams unnecessarily. Might be either, I simply know he's called Chris and I despise him with a passion.


definitely chris tucker then....

definitely chris tucker then....

Fair enough. I was half right.:)

Fair enough. I was half right.:)


true.

I'd totally kick Pat Robertson's ass.

a few off the top of my head?

Mini-me from Austin Powers- I dont know that horrible little fuck's name, but I would like him to give me the finger, then I punt him across a busy highway.

Paulie Shore
Carrot Top
Michael Jackson


I'm sure I'll think of more.

i cant believe this thread went 7 pages without shores name being mentioned....

i cant believe this thread went 7 pages without shores name being mentioned....

I'd love to hit him with a right cross, but catch his head with my elbow on the return before his legs buckled.

i cant believe this thread went 7 pages without shores name being mentioned....

Well, I could add:

Marilyn Manson
Martin Sheen
Hugh Grant
Rosie O'Donnell (a gunfight, rather than bare hands fighting)
and especially

Tony Sinclair, from the Tanqueray commercials.

Pauly Shore.

Edit: Yes! Tony Sinclair, Ive wanted to punch that guy out for so long.

I'd love to hit him with a right cross, but catch his head with my elbow on the return before his legs buckled.


dont forget to kick him while hes down!

Well, I could add:

Marilyn Manson
Martin Sheen
Hugh Grant
Rosie O'Donnell (a gunfight, rather than bare hands fighting)
and especially

Tony Sinclair, from the Tanqueray commercials.


only one i dont get is martin sheen.....

only one i dont get is martin sheen.....
He's a pompous ass who believes that playing President on TV makes him an expert at being President.

He's a pompous ass who believes that playing President on TV makes him an expert at being President.

ah well then kick his ass.....

dont forget to kick him while hes down!

That was the intent with the follow-up elbow to the head-So I wouldnt have to squat down to pound his face into tomato paste.

Well, I could add:

Marilyn Manson
Martin Sheen
Hugh Grant
Rosie O'Donnell (a gunfight, rather than bare hands fighting)
and especially

Tony Sinclair, from the Tanqueray commercials.


Yes- I agree on Martin Sheen. I dont know about a full beating for him- maybe just a humiliating hard backhand or a really swift kick in his silly ass.

Hugh Grant is another one to just bitch slap hard-maybe it would cure that annoying flinch and stutter that some find endearing. I dont.

Well, I could add:

Marilyn Manson

Tony Sinclair, from the Tanqueray commercials.
Those two would make great babies.

Cloned babies, I suppose.

Hugh Grant is another one to just bitch slap hard-maybe it would cure that annoying flinch and stutter that some find endearing. I dont.

Every time I see Elizabeth Hurley, I'm reminded of what an utter dumbass Hugh Grant is.

Sara Jessica Parker
Tim Robbins
Alec Baldwin
Sean Penn
Christian Slater
Robert Downey
Dr.Phil


Maybe it would be easier to start listing famous people I dont wanna punch

Sara Jessica Parker
Tim Robbins
Alec Baldwin
Sean Penn
Christian Slater
Robert Downey
Dr.Phil


Maybe it would be easier to start listing famous people I dont wanna punch


Don't forget Samuel Jackson and Matt Damon.

Every time I see Elizabeth Hurley, I'm reminded of what an utter dumbass Hugh Grant is.

Maybe he was under the misguided idea he was like Jack Nicholson or something?

Yeah-Hurley was hot - no clue as to what she saw in that bed-headed, speckled, stuttering tick nitwit.

Godzilla.

Don't forget Samuel Jackson and Matt Damon.

Samuel Jackson beats himself with his own overacting.

I like Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. Maybe if I ever had to hear him talk in real life, he'd be up for a beating too.

Add to the list...

Robert Phelps and wife.

infact, I would beat those two to submission and charge a buck for a hit to everyone else.

Anne Coulter, undoubtedly.

*headline on her website the next day*

So I was attacked by one of those sodomy loving liberals yesterday...*

chuck norris.... i figure i could take him

bring it ON :cool:

Tony Blair (aka B-liar). "Yes, its true both my legs and arms were broken and I had to be taken away in an amublance, but in a very real sense I won". Mind you, if you fight Bliar I guess you automatically fight Dubya, and against his incredible intelect.....screwed

Leaving aside politics for once, I would greatly like to kick the shite out of Ashton Kutcher. His smug face and falseness offend me more than that Jessica simpson persons stupidity, and as he is male, hes fair game for a hidin.

it might take the both of you to take jesus down.
Problem is that we wouldn't be able to take him down.
You watch The Passion?
That guy's a glutton for punishment. Got dealt the lot and came back 3 days later for more.
Don't think anything can take him down for good.
Always be an 8 count, never a 10.

Leaving aside politics for once, I would greatly like to kick the shite out of Ashton Kutcher. His smug face and falseness offend me more than that Jessica simpson persons stupidity, and as he is male, hes fair game for a hidin.

There is one I totally forgot. Ashton Kutcher. Beat the silly smug shit out of him, and leave him bleeding-with his hat on straight.

Billy Graham. I figure it would be easy. Also, the smug fuck annoys me.

I wouldn't mind a shot at mother theresa either. Everyone loves her*, and that's just wrong.

*with the exception of chris hitchens, but nobody likes him anymore.

Billy Graham. I figure it would be easy. Also, the smug fuck annoys me.

I wouldn't mind a shot at mother theresa either. Everyone loves her*, and that's just wrong.

*with the exception of chris hitchens, but nobody likes him anymore.

Mother Teresa would be problematic, as you would be fighting a well-rotted corpse.

Mother Teresa would be problematic, as you would be fighting a well-rotted corpse.


That means I have already won. YAY me! I r00lz.

(Srsly I should be put in charge of foreign policy, obviously).

two more to add to the list-

Simon from "American Idol" and the chef from "Hell's Kitchen"- Shut the Fuck up already.

http://www.lifetimetv.com/images/shows/ip/portraits/ip_bio2_sraphael.jpg:gundge:

there's just so many I wouldn't mind punching in the face

... who would it be? (No poll... too many options.)

NOTE: They don't have to be alive.



Have to be michael moore or al franken, hell I would take them both on at once. My only fear is that I wouldn't stop beating on them.


He's not famous but he has received some publicity; ward churchill would be another one and I know for a fact I wouldn't stop beating on him.

Billy Graham. I figure it would be easy. Also, the smug fuck annoys me.

I wouldn't mind a shot at mother theresa either. Everyone loves her*, and that's just wrong.

*with the exception of chris hitchens, but nobody likes him anymore.


Billy Graham?????

Out of all our lovelies; he is rather tame.

You might look at Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Charles Dobson first. ;)

Billy Graham?????

Out of all our lovelies; he is rather tame.

You might look at Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Charles Dobson first. ;)

I'm sure other people have those last three covered.

Thing is, I'm not taken in by Billy Graham's "Mr. Nice guy" act, so I'm prepared to take action about it.

Also, like I said, I figure it would be and easy fight.

Ghandi, Al Capone, Judas ( guy from the bible), and Field Marshall Montgomery.