NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok,
Im 13 and you might have know me from my thread about my "friend"..

Im in need of an Adult who is on NS or their e-mail alot...
Im in need of someone who can give good advice and understand my URGENT problem. I cant hold this in anymore and I need someone who will take the time to listen and help me out. So if anyone is interested please post below if you can help. If you want to know what its about it has to do with my last thread about the sin and sort... Please someone help!

What age do you consider a person to be an "adult"?

What age do you consider a person to be an "adult"?

some one who isnt a child or teen or in college,

I really preffer taliking in private!@

Why can't you just tell us what the problem is?
We won't judge, and if someone does, we'll kick the shit out of them.

Yeah...

*puts away his sign of universal judgement*

Yeah...

*puts away his sign of universal judgement*
Good. *awards cookie.*

some one who isnt a child or teen or in college,

or someone past 21!

What about a person who's 16 but feels like he's 21?

Like LNI said, we won't judge you. I read that other thread, and I think I know what this is all about. I completely understand why you'd want to talk to an adult.

If you don't want my advice, I won't give it. Instead, I'll just watch.

Dude, it's okay to be gay. Depending on where you live, it's OK to let others know you're gay, too. Are your friends the accepting type?

If your friends and family really love you, then they'll be fine with it.

Personally, I ignore all the "Being gay is a sin" crap. It's just a wall for bigots to hide behind.

Depression sucks. If you're really that depressed you should see a therapist. An unbiased one, I might add. One that doesn't have a personal or religious agenda.

Dude, don't cry yourself to sleep, that's very bad for you. Find something to hug. Like a pillow, or stuffed animal.

Hugs make the world go round, and make people happy. I'd give ya a hug if I could, but you'd probably just be creeped out.

Dude, it's okay to be gay. Depending on where you live, it's OK to let others know you're gay, too. Are your friends the accepting type?

I dont know how they would take it.. They wouldnt keep it a secreat.

I dont know how they would take it.. They wouldnt keep it a secreat.


It's cliche, I know, but if they're that way, then they're not your friends.

Depression sucks. If you're really that depressed you should see a therapist. An unbiased one, I might add. One that doesn't have a personal or religious agenda.

Dude, don't cry yourself to sleep, that's very bad for you. Find something to hug. Like a pillow, or stuffed animal.

Hugs make the world go round, and make people happy.
Therapy isn't for everyone, y'know. I've been forced to see therapists, and I hate it. But, yeah it does work for some people.

I dont know how they would take it.. They wouldnt keep it a secreat.
You mean, they would tell everyone they knew?

Therapy isn't for everyone, y'know. I've been forced to see therapists, and I hate it. But, yeah it does work for some people.


Oh, well I didn't mean for him to force himself to go. I just thought it might help. I've never been to a therapist, so I wouldn't know what's it's like.

Ok,
Im 13 and you might have know me from my thread about my "friend"..

Im in need of an Adult who is on NS or their e-mail alot...
Im in need of someone who can give good advice and understand my URGENT problem. I cant hold this in anymore and I need someone who will take the time to listen and help me out. So if anyone is interested please post below if you can help. If you want to know what its about it has to do with my last thread about the sin and sort... Please someone help!

First of all, dont talk with adults you met online about your sexuality or anything about sex. Second of all you dont have to out yourself to anyone, do whatever you like. If you feel like being more comfy without outing yourself, then dont. And finally, if you are crying to yourself at night, it's better for you see a shrink, I think. Tell your parents you are depressed and want to see one, it's normal to have someone pro to talk to....

Oh yeah, one other thing I forgot to mention:

Seeing as how you're depressed, and depression causes people to do radical things; do NOT EVER contemplate suicide. I mean it. While I do believe that you have every right to do whatever you wish with your body, taking your life because you're gay isn't a good excuse.

In my opinion, the more gay people there are in the world, the better it is. Of course, my reasons for wanting you to live aren't really that shallow. Life is precious, charish it.

Ok,
Im 13 and you might have know me from my thread about my "friend"..

Im in need of an Adult who is on NS or their e-mail alot...
Im in need of someone who can give good advice and understand my URGENT problem. I cant hold this in anymore and I need someone who will take the time to listen and help me out. So if anyone is interested please post below if you can help. If you want to know what its about it has to do with my last thread about the sin and sort... Please someone help!
Alright.

I'm 23. A young adult, if I do say so myself. I'm also gay, so I do understand what you're going through, and I can relate.

I'm also a volunteer in a nonprofit organisation. I visit classrooms in high schools to answer the student's questions about homosexuality and talk about my life experiences. So if there's anything you might want to ask, fire away. I've never refused to asnwer a question in the 4 years I've been doing this.

Oh yeah, one other thing I forgot to mention:

Seeing as how you're depressed, and depression causes people to do radical things; do NOT EVER contemplate suicide. I mean it. While I do believe that you have every right to do whatever you wish with your body, taking your life because you're gay isn't a good excuse.

In my opinion, the more gay people there are in the world, the better it is. Of course, my reasons for wanting you to live aren't really that shallow. Life is precious, charish it.
What does that mean? Straight people and bis (like me) are somehow worse.

All people are just as good as each other, regardless of sexual orientation, race, age, sex, etc... The only thing that sets us apart on the scale of worth is the actions we take.

What age do you consider a person to be an "adult"?
id say 14 or so
BTW u a sooner fan?

Alright.

I'm 23. A young adult, if I do say so myself. I'm also gay, so I do understand what you're going through, and I can relate.

I'm also a volunteer in a nonprofit organisation. I visit classrooms in high schools to answer the student's questions about homosexuality and talk about my life experiences. So if there's anything you might want to ask, fire away. I've never refused to asnwer a question in the 4 years I've been doing this.

Great! I will talk to you over N.S!

Alright.

I'm 23. A young adult, if I do say so myself. I'm also gay, so I do understand what you're going through, and I can relate.

I'm also a volunteer in a nonprofit organisation. I visit classrooms in high schools to answer the student's questions about homosexuality and talk about my life experiences. So if there's anything you might want to ask, fire away. I've never refused to asnwer a question in the 4 years I've been doing this.


You have got to be the perfect person for him to talk to.

Great timing. ;)

id say 14 or so
BTW u a sooner fan?

Normally, I don't care about sports. But when asked, yup, I'm a sooner!

Great! I will talk to you over N.S!
You man send me TGs? I'll be looking at them, then.

Fine i will delete this soon but Im gay and I feel bad because i havent told my friends and family and if i do i dont know how their going to take it along with my friends. I also have been looking at gay men on the internet. I dream about them and stuff and i cant hold that in ANY MORE..People have told me its a sin. I love god and the bible and I get really scared and cry myself to sleep.. People make fun of me because i act femminst to a point. they ask me if im gay but i say no for my sercret wont be exsposed!

I don't know your family, but if they love you and support you in everything else, you should talk to them about this. Tell them how you feel, and that you're afraid of how they will react.

If you love God and the Bible, read it to reassure yourself. I'd suggest The New Testament, personally. Read what Jesus' advice actually was.

If you're already acting 'feminist to a point', your family and friends may not be as surprised as you think. And if they're still sticking with you, they may be more accepting than you think. I won't lie -- it may upset them -- but if they love you then won't they try to see you through this?

Something you may want to consider is that people often go through a period where they feel attraction to the same gender, or they may feel a strong attraction to a particular member of the same gender. At thirteen, you're young yet. You may yet decide women are attractive -- or not. I'd keep an open mind for a while yet because puberty and hormonal changes hit and hit hard. From my own experience and watching my students (high school) crushes can hit anywhere, and they are intense -- but rather than "decide for good" (especially since it's causing you to have a fearful and stressful reaction) I would suggest keeping open to your feelings and see if you feel the same at, say, age fifteen.

Whatever you decide: you are NOT a bad person. And God loves us all, even though NONE of us is a perfect image of Him.

If your friends and family really love you, then they'll be fine with it.

Personally, I ignore all the "Being gay is a sin" crap. It's just a wall for bigots to hide behind.

Depression sucks. If you're really that depressed you should see a therapist. An unbiased one, I might add. One that doesn't have a personal or religious agenda.

Dude, don't cry yourself to sleep, that's very bad for you. Find something to hug. Like a pillow, or stuffed animal.

Hugs make the world go round, and make people happy. I'd give ya a hug if I could, but you'd probably just be creeped out.
(s?)he is right. In lieu of a hug, fluffle? :fluffle:

I did not read the other thread, so I'm sorry if someone said this, but homosexuality is not a sin. At all. Most people who believe so are filled with fear, hate, and/or lack of understanding.

Good luck, dear.

People have told me its a sin. I love god and the bible and I get really scared and cry myself to sleep..

OK let's deal with one point at a time. (I am an adult with a 10 year old son by the way.)

You love God, and are a good Christian in doing so. Do you, in your heart, believe that those fanatics that claim that homosexuality is sinful are really speaking for God. Or are they perhaps speaking of their personal fears and prejudices. I do not know the bible particularly well, but I have studied religion and faith to some considerable degree. What I can tell you is that your faith, and your belief in God are things that are private and between you and God. No one, and I mean no one, except yourself can define you as a sinner. If you believe that God wants you to be happy, and that God has given you your desires and wants, then how can these possibly be a sin?

I havent told my friends and family and if i do i dont know how their going to take it along with my friends.
Next. Friends and family. This is a matter of judgement, and a judgement that you will have to make. Is there anyone that you know, that you could trust, that is openly gay - be they a cousin or a friends brother, or such like. If there is, then a good starting point is to talk to that person, ask how they coped with the feelings, what they did etc. If there is not, is there anyone that you believe loves you for who you are regardless. (Mothers or Grandmothers are normally the ones that fit this role) If there is - talk to them, alone, when there is plenty of time (Can be difficult to arrange).

Friends is a difficult one. What I can say is that through life friends come and friends go. As events unfold you discover who your true freinds are - they are the ones who stick with you and support you when you need it, who make you laugh when you are down, who confide in you, who need your support themselves from time to time etc. You may well lose a few superficial friendships, but you will discover who your real friends are.

You have got to be the perfect person for him to talk to.

Great timing. ;)
Think of it as divine intervention ;)

I like to believe God loves us all, regardless of sexual preferences. He's got more important things to worry over than the gender of the person we fall in love with.

What does that mean? Straight people and bis (like me) are somehow worse.

All people are just as good as each other, regardless of sexual orientation, race, age, sex, etc... The only thing that sets us apart on the scale of worth is the actions we take.


That's not what I meant. In no way did I mean that straight people are worse than gay people. I just meant that gay people add to everyone else's overall goodness. (also, I didn't mean that there should be less straight people either.)

Sorry, just tryin' to boost his confidence, not offend anyone.

That's not what I meant. In no way did I mean that straight people are worse than gay people. I just meant that gay people add to everyone else's overall goodness. (also, I didn't mean that there should be less straight people either.)

Sorry, just tryin' to boost his confidence, not offend anyone.
In boosting his confidence, you shattered mine.
I must go cry now.:(

In boosting his confidence, you shattered mine.
I must go cry now.:(


Would you like a hug? It's so unfortunate that you can't hug people over the internet.

Would you like a hug? It's so unfortunate that you can't hug people over the internet.
Ah, but you can fluffle.
And, honestly, who doesn't love the fluffles?

I don't know your family, but if they love you and support you in everything else, you should talk to them about this. Tell them how you feel, and that you're afraid of how they will react.

I, as a gay person, disagree with this very much. If there is any fear involved in telling one's parents, one needs to be pragmatic and wait until being able to fend for oneself, and 13 year olds tend not to be.

To the OP - I've been in your shoes and I waited to come out to my parents. I am glad I waited, as they did not react well.

Many well-meaning people will tell you to tell your parents, but, really, if you think your parents might freak and do who knows what, don't listen to them.

The same with the people who tell you it's a sin and something bad. Never listen to those people.

Ah, but you can fluffle.
And, honestly, who doesn't love the fluffles?

Ah, I must be behind on my internet lingo. Fluffling is like virtual hugging, yes?

In boosting his confidence, you shattered mine.
I must go cry now.:(
Aweh, come on, my bisexual friend. There be enough fluffles for everyone here. :fluffle:

I, as a gay person, disagree with this very much. If there is any fear involved in telling one's parents, one needs to be pragmatic and wait until being able to fend for oneself, and 13 year olds tend not to be.

To the OP - I've been in your shoes and I waited to come out to my parents. I am glad I waited, as they did not react well.

Many well-meaning people will tell you to tell your parents, but, really, if you think your parents might freak and do who knows what, don't listen to them.

The same with the people who tell you it's a sin and something bad. Never listen to those people.
I grudgingly agree with you.

Ah, I must be behind on my internet lingo. Fluffling is like virtual hugging, yes?
Here is the fluffle: :fluffle:

Here is the fluffle: :fluffle:


:fluffle:

Nice. I'll remember that one.

Aweh, come on, my bisexual friend. There be enough fluffles for everyone here. :fluffle:
Aww... :fluffle:
:D

I bow to the superiority of the fluffles.

:fluffle:

I am not worthy.

I grudgingly agree with you.

The more I read Katganistan's answer, the more harmful I find it (not to mention the poppycock about "deciding"). The people who tell him to tell will not have to live with the consequences, so it's easy to pretend like those can't be horrible.

I personally know they can be, and Markiria needs to think long and hard if it is worth risking them.

The more I read Katganistan's answer, the more harmful I find it (not to mention the poppycock about "deciding"). The people who tell him to tell will not have to live with the consequences, so it's easy to pretend like those can't be horrible.

I personally know they can be, and Markiria needs to think long and hard if it is worth risking them.


I wanted to say something sagely about agreeing with you, but I couldn't think of anything. :(

But yeah, you're right. Forcing someone to come out can be just as destructive as making fun of them.

Heh, I guess I said something sagely after all.

I wanted to say something sagely about agreeing with you, but I couldn't think of anything. :(

But yeah, you're right. Forcing someone to come out can be just as destructive as making fun of them.

Heh, I guess I said something sagely after all.
*bows sagely at the sageosity of your answer.*

*bows sagely at the sageosity of your answer.*


I have my moments.

The more I read Katganistan's answer, the more harmful I find it (not to mention the poppycock about "deciding"). The people who tell him to tell will not have to live with the consequences, so it's easy to pretend like those can't be horrible.

I personally know they can be, and Markiria needs to think long and hard if it is worth risking them.

:rolleyes:
You've never changed your mind about anything? You've felt precisely the same about everything your entire life?

I'm not telling him, "Oh you're not gay," nor that it's bad, just to keep his options open and keep in touch with his feelings. They may say at the end of the day, "yes, I remain attracted to men." But that's what he'll have to come to in his own time.

When I was a teen, I had some intense crushes on some of my female friends. I also found I had intense crushes on male friends a year or so later. I don't have any agenda other than suggesting that he really examine what he's feeling before doing anything in haste. Is that not precisely what others are suggesting when they tell him not to commit suicide?

The only thing wrong with being gay is the way idiots treat you. It's their problem, not yours.

Your problem is that you have work on being strong, smart and mature, because most other people won't be.

Good luck to you.

I can only give one piece of advice: for the love of god don't let it weigh heavily on you! That's the dark path, and that leads to badness.

I grudgingly agree with you.


Here is the fluffle: :fluffle:

Hey LNI, I thought we declared fluffles illegal after our fluffle war that one time ;)

:rolleyes:
You've never changed your mind about anything? You've felt precisely the same about everything your entire life?

I'm not telling him, "Oh you're not gay," nor that it's bad, just to keep his options open and keep in touch with his feelings. They may say at the end of the day, "yes, I remain attracted to men." But that's what he'll have to come to in his own time.

When I was a teen, I had some intense crushes on some of my female friends. I also found I had intense crushes on male friends a year or so later. I don't have any agenda other than suggesting that he really examine what he's feeling before doing anything in haste. Is that not precisely what others are suggesting when they tell him not to commit suicide?


Very good answer. I agree totally.

To the Original Poster:

Let me tell a lame story about admiting your gay, and an uncle of mine.
Maybe it will help.

For years, an uncle of mine hid his true self from everyone and never told as soul.
It nearly ate him alive.

He was very much depressed and nearly took his own life.
Finally, he told his secret to his niece, (my cousin), and she in turn, went ahead and told everyone else for him, because he was so afraid that his family would be apalled.

Some of us were a little surprised, but nothing more.

See, for me, this is the same guy who dressed up as Santa when we were small, and would shovel the snow off the ice in the dead of winter so us kids could go ice skating...
The same guy who always has the best jokes, and the best stories, and the best sense of humour...

The same guy, get it?

No matter if you told your parents you want to have sex with a african gorilla
from the Congo named Daisy.....you parents will still love you.
Youre still thier son.

Now, no one can promise they wont freak out a little, and thats ok, but in the end, they have to accept you for who you are, no matter who you find attractive.

Wich...most decent people do.

It probably wont be easy..but heres another thing.

Never be ashamed of who you are.
As long as you are ok with who you are....fuck anyone who doesnt like it.
If any of your friends dont like it...piss on them too.
The ones that stick by you, are your real friends.

Good luck kid.

At the risk of paraphrasing or quoting something that has already been said. A belief I personally hold quite important. and tha many beliefs tend to say in meaning but not words (to quote reiki as sofar as I've been taught)
"What is, is ; what will be, will be.") which I personally take to mean as: while as ya can change the past, present and future to some extant by changing and accepting what ya perceive and choice to look at, everything else is unchangable. Soo accept who ya are and hope to make the best choices ya can,, the rest will fall in line. *Once again aligned with my own beliefs in something similar to kharma, but different (different topic at hand) just do what ya feel is right,, and let nature sort out the rest*
Could go on and rant from there, but whats the point.
M_H // R_F

<edit - Bad english use, and repitive quote that was wrong>