NationStates Jolt Archive

This is so funny I just had to post it. I found it on AbbaGav's blog. Anyway, without further ado, here they are (anything below this line was copy/pasted):

"Since the children are the future, I offer the following child-raising wisdom, for dealing with that troublesome future Jihad Warrior when he just won't behave:

1.Tell him that if he doesn't behave, you'll kill off Uncle Osama in tonight's bedtime story.

2. Suspend his "Islam's Funniest Goodbye Suicide-Videos" viewing privileges for a month.

3. Show him a picture of his attractive cousin, and a picture of his homely cousin, and explain that life is about choices.

4. Threaten to let his younger brother kill himself first.

5.No more riding shotgun with Daddy in the explosives truck at parades.

6.If he doesn't behave, explain that the next time his friends come looking for him, you'll be forced to tell them he's visiting a Jewish friend.

7. Make sure he understands how important his behavior is to the family's honor. Involve one of his sisters in the discussion if necessary.

8. Tell him he can forget about that coveted GI Yusuf doll with Kung Fu detonator grip and detachable brain pan (some internal organs sold separately, batteries not included)

9. Respect his understanding of the concept of consequences: if you can't count on him to behave now, how can you trust him with the important role of "corpse" in tomorrow's big funeral procession?

10. Negotiate. And lollipops. Important life lessons must be inculcated from the very first years."

What do you think?

...
...
You really suck.

...
...
You really suck.
What's wrong with a little bit of humor?

Besides, I didn't even make up that list. You can google in AbbaGav and find it yourself on his blog.

The PC nazis will eat you Casbah

But nevertheless, I think it's good. Not bad...I like!

:D

3. Show him a picture of his attractive cousin, and a picture of his homely cousin, and explain that life is about choices.

7. Make sure he understands how important his behavior is to the family's honor. Involve one of his sisters in the discussion if necessary.

suicide bombers come from the South? does that count as working at home *tumbleweed rolls past*

10. Negotiate. And lollipops. Important life lessons must be inculcated from the very first years."

the best parenting advice I've heard in years

The PC nazis will eat you Casbah

But nevertheless, I think it's good. Not bad...I like!

:D
They beat you to it, my friend.

This is so funny I just had to post it. I found it on AbbaGav's blog. Anyway, without further ado, here they are (anything below this line was copy/pasted):

"Since the children are the future, I offer the following child-raising wisdom, for dealing with that troublesome future Jihad Warrior when he just won't behave:

1.Tell him that if he doesn't behave, you'll kill off Uncle Osama in tonight's bedtime story.

2. Suspend his "Islam's Funniest Goodbye Suicide-Videos" viewing privileges for a month.

3. Show him a picture of his attractive cousin, and a picture of his homely cousin, and explain that life is about choices.

4. Threaten to let his younger brother kill himself first.

5.No more riding shotgun with Daddy in the explosives truck at parades.

6.If he doesn't behave, explain that the next time his friends come looking for him, you'll be forced to tell them he's visiting a Jewish friend.

7. Make sure he understands how important his behavior is to the family's honor. Involve one of his sisters in the discussion if necessary.

8. Tell him he can forget about that coveted GI Yusuf doll with Kung Fu detonator grip and detachable brain pan (some internal organs sold separately, batteries not included)

9. Respect his understanding of the concept of consequences: if you can't count on him to behave now, how can you trust him with the important role of "corpse" in tomorrow's big funeral procession?

10. Negotiate. And lollipops. Important life lessons must be inculcated from the very first years."

What do you think?
the complete absence off any sort of wit in this 'joke' is quite astounding. surely a new record for NSG?

The PC nazis will eat you Casbah

But nevertheless, I think it's good. Not bad...I like!

:D
And the Bigotry Nazis will eat everyone who doesn't like this list. And bow down before Yahweh.

the complete absence off any sort of wit in this 'joke' is quite astounding. surely a new record for NSG?
That part of the statement applies only to your sense of humor, or lack thereof.

And the Bigotry Nazis will eat everyone who doesn't like this list. And bow down before Yahweh.
Must everyone be called a nazi these days? If I call you a Jew-hater, feel free to call me an Islamophobe, but for Yahweh's sake, don't use the n-word!!:D

Meh ... nothing really funny there. I'm sure Jesus-humping war-mongering kill-all-Muslims-even-Dave-Chappelle neocons will roll on the floor about it.

Ignorance is hilarious to them. It's all they know.

I pity this thread.

*Yawns*

That part of the statement applies only to your sense of humor, or lack thereof.
hey, i'm a big fan of risque humour but these are just cheap and not even barely amusing.

edit: do you know what wit actually is? cuz it is a very important componant to jokes that can make even racist/sexist/xenophobic etc. jokes funny. although it has to be really very strong in those kind of jokes to make them funny.

What's wrong with a little bit of humor?

How about this: Your sense of humor sucks.

The fact that you post this without the slightest sense of irony attests to that.

Must everyone be called a nazi these days? If I call you a Jew-hater, feel free to call me an Islamophobe, but for Yahweh's sake, don't use the n-word!!:D
Hey, man, DM already dropped the N-bomb.

How about this: Your sense of humor sucks.

The fact that you post this without the slightest sense of irony attests to that.
Hey, eat me.

can't you make some craks at women for a change?

or at least muslim women I even have one for that

the complete absence off any sort of wit in this 'joke' is quite astounding. surely a new record for NSG?
True. I expect to get even a few chuckles when reading any shit advertised as "this is so funny I had to post it". This time..? None.

hey, i'm a big fan of risque humour but these are just cheap and not even barely amusing.

edit: do you know what wit actually is? cuz it is a very important componant to jokes that can make even racist/sexist/xenophobic etc. jokes funny. although it has to be really very strong in those kind of jokes to make them funny.
First of all, I didn't make any of these up. Secondly, I find them funny because I'm not blinded by pc. I'm sure you would be rolling on the floor if I posted a bunch of jokes about ignorant, in-breeding, southern American Christians, no?

It all depends on how sensitive you are. Obviously, you're more sensitive than me.

can't you make some craks at women for a change?

or at least muslim women I even have one for that
Yeah!! Feministis piss me off!!!

This is so funny I just had to post it. I found it on AbbaGav's blog. Anyway, without further ado, here they are (anything below this line was copy/pasted):

"Since the children are the future, I offer the following child-raising wisdom, for dealing with that troublesome future Jihad Warrior when he just won't behave:

1.Tell him that if he doesn't behave, you'll kill off Uncle Osama in tonight's bedtime story.

2. Suspend his "Islam's Funniest Goodbye Suicide-Videos" viewing privileges for a month.

3. Show him a picture of his attractive cousin, and a picture of his homely cousin, and explain that life is about choices.

4. Threaten to let his younger brother kill himself first.

5.No more riding shotgun with Daddy in the explosives truck at parades.

6.If he doesn't behave, explain that the next time his friends come looking for him, you'll be forced to tell them he's visiting a Jewish friend.

7. Make sure he understands how important his behavior is to the family's honor. Involve one of his sisters in the discussion if necessary.

8. Tell him he can forget about that coveted GI Yusuf doll with Kung Fu detonator grip and detachable brain pan (some internal organs sold separately, batteries not included)

9. Respect his understanding of the concept of consequences: if you can't count on him to behave now, how can you trust him with the important role of "corpse" in tomorrow's big funeral procession?

10. Negotiate. And lollipops. Important life lessons must be inculcated from the very first years."

What do you think?

I've heard funnier things... MUCH funnier things...

First of all, I didn't make any of these up. Secondly, I find them funny because I'm not blinded by pc. I'm sure you would be rolling on the floor if I posted a bunch of jokes about ignorant, in-breeding, southern American Christians, no?

It all depends on how sensitive you are. Obviously, you're more sensitive than me.
what, are you calling yourself an ignorant, in-breeding, southern american christian?

not if they lacked wit as much as these do. and i'm quite capable of being non-pc but my advantage over you is that i am also capable of not being completely ignorant.

edit: oh, and don't think i ever thought to give you the credit for making them up. jokes are only funny to those with lesser with than the 'comedian'.

What do you think?The Mark Steyn comments were actually funnier...

The fact that you post this without the slightest sense of irony attests to that.
In that particular context, however, I do find it rather ironically funny. It's like those sitcoms with characters who make really bad jokes and think they're hilarious. I can't help but admit the similarities here with Ross from Friends, who managed to get me in stitches with his utterly defunct sense of humour.

It all depends on how sensitive you are. Obviously, you're more sensitive than me.

that implies that your a Muslim which I'm guessing your not remember that some people won't take constant jokes being made about them too lightly

I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone constantly made offensive jokes about whatever groups you can be grouped into

How about this: Your sense of humor sucks.

The fact that you post this without the slightest sense of irony attests to that.You just made this thread worth the effort of clicking on it to read it :D

7. Make sure he understands how important his behavior is to the family's honor. Involve one of his sisters in the discussion if necessary."Please, Abbas, you cannot stay away for a month banging every chick in every brothel in the country after buying out the local pharmacy for meth. Every time you do that we need to cut one of your sisters' throats for looking up indecently when christians are present in order to make an example for you! And you know what this means, don't you, Abbas?"

"Less wombs to breed warriors, daddy?"

"That's right, son. So be a good boy. Please. Or Fatima dies."

Couldn't resist.

Well, while I found this only mildly amusing, it certainly proves one thing: There really are two types on NS General.

Those who can turn off their political minds for a few moments of non-PC humor;

and those who've already calcified.

And the Bigotry Nazis will eat everyone who doesn't like this list. And bow down before Yahweh.

No, they will force feed them to overweight humperdogians from zulu prime.

Cannibalism.

Well, while I found this only mildly amusing, it certainly proves one thing: There really are two types on NS General.

Those who can turn off their political minds for a few moments of non-PC humor;

and those who've already calcified.
I did genuinely find its lack of humour funny in the context though. Does that stick me in the second category anyway?

11. When in doubt, shoot the guy screaming "Allahu ackbar"

:D

Well, while I found this only mildly amusing, it certainly proves one thing: There really are two types on NS General.

Those who can turn off their political minds for a few moments of non-PC humor;

and those who've already calcified.Not everyone thinks that lists of common stereotypes mingled with stereotypes made up on the spot make good humor. ;)

Not everyone thinks that lists of common stereotypes mingled with stereotypes made up on the spot make good humor. ;)
Agreed.

11. When in doubt, shoot the guy screaming "Allahu ackbar"
...That's not just unfunny, that makes no sense whatsoever. Why would a Jihadist shoot someone saying "Allah Akbar"?

11. When in doubt, shoot the guy screaming "Allahu ackbar"

:D
That's from the "Tips For Unruly Children Of The JewCrew (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=494177)", silly :rolleyes:

I did genuinely find its lack of humour funny in the context though. Does that stick me in the second category anyway?

Probably not. That at least proves you HAVE a sense of humour more refined than dumb-ass US sitcoms.

An Evening in Berlin KreuzbergGotta love it when people who have no idea what they are talking about do so anyway. :rolleyes:

That's from the "Tips For Unruly Children Of The JewCrew", silly :rolleyes:

If unruly children are shooting guys carrying cemtex, rat poison, and nails...




I think they deserve an ice cream.

Gotta love it when people who have no idea what they are talking about do so anyway. :rolleyes:
Hello, and welcome to NS General :D

Gotta love it when people who have no idea what they are talking about do so anyway. :rolleyes:You know, for someone playing smart, you sure have issues differentiating between sarcasm and discussion...

But nevermind, go on.

If unruly children are shooting guys carrying cemtex, rat poison, and nails...




I think they deserve an ice cream.
Are you still talking about the children of the Jihad?

If unruly children are shooting guys carrying cemtex, rat poison, and nails...




I think they deserve an ice cream.
Oh dear.

Make sure to remind them to wash their hands. Before they eat the ice cream if you want to reward them, after if you want to add insult to injury, but definitely do it either way.

You know, for someone playing smart, you sure have issues differentiating between sarcasm and discussion...

But nevermind, go on.I probably wouldn't have bothered if it weren't for the Kreuzberg reference.

First of all, I didn't make any of these up. Secondly, I find them funny because I'm not blinded by pc. I'm sure you would be rolling on the floor if I posted a bunch of jokes about ignorant, in-breeding, southern American Christians, no?

It all depends on how sensitive you are. Obviously, you're more sensitive than me.

Jokes about ignorant in-breeding southern American christians ceased to be funny when they were deployed in Iraq.

If unruly children are shooting guys carrying cemtex, rat poison, and nails...




I think they deserve an ice cream.
and if i see a kid holding an icecream i'm gunna shoot them to avenge someone they might have killed. makes as much sense as shooting all muslims anyway.

I'm going to be dangerouse and say that i found it quite funny. I've seen much more offensive stuff said by more well respected comedians.

Meh ... nothing really funny there. I'm sure Jesus-humping war-mongering kill-all-Muslims-even-Dave-Chappelle neocons will roll on the floor about it.

Ignorance is hilarious to them. It's all they know.

I pity this thread.



Watch out for the dreaded WAR BONER ! :eek:

Watch out for the dreaded WAR BONER ! :eek:
...Is that sort of like Bigfoot's Dick?

I'm going to be dangerouse and say that i found it quite funny. I've seen much more offensive stuff said by more well respected comedians.

And many of them are actually funny, hence, the offensive nature of it does not matter.

...Is that sort of like Bigfoot's Dick?

nope ..its the needed equipment when you are trapped with 12 sex starved women on an Island for a week.

Its just ...........you.........the WAR BONER...........and them..........:mp5:



God help you if you are not motivated and do not have a well trained and hardened WAR BONER.


It could get ugly.......:eek:



********* REMEBER ALWAYS PUT A WAR BONNET ON THE WAR BONER****


SAFETY FIRST !

I'm vastly underwhelmed.

HAr har har!

HAr har har!
Incorrect!

...I think my head just a-sploded...