NationStates Jolt Archive

Jews Make AMTRAK Late

August 4, 2006

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a study recently made public by AMTRAK Corporation, the unsurprising cause of AMTRAK's chronic tardiness has been officially revealed: Jews.

"It's a very strange thing, actually," said Ford Lindbergh, spokesman for AMTRAK. "I mean, everyone knows that the Jews are responsible for the major wars in history. Plagues and diseases, of course. Methamphetamine addictions? Ditto, Jews again. But train schedules?"

The report explains in detail the particular methods used by the Jews . Apparently, crack teams of Stealth Jews work in shifts to spread adhesive on train tracks in many states around the clock. The substance increases the force of friction on the train cars, thus slowing the train and making the passengers late.

Frequent AMTRAK passenger Neil Hanson comments that he now takes a certain satisfaction in blaming the International Zionist Conspiracy for delaying his vacation time in southern Oregon. "I knew it was the Jews all along," Hanson stated. "The media will tell you that it's really the Muslims who attack our mass transit systems. But now we all know the truth."

Further plots exposed by the nefarious, tightfisted Jews include the fluoridation of the world's oceans, mass distribution of cocaine among adolescents, and the current economic recession.

In a press release from the White House, President Bush has declared his unquestioning support of the Zionists in their campaign to disrupt United States mass transit, or whatever they're trying to accomplish. Under his authorization, the US has increased the amount of economic aid it sends to the Jewish state of Israel yearly, most of which is has been spent swelling the profits of Krazy Glue, Inc.


The above is a work of satire. If anyone is offended, just read my sig. It applies.;)

I had an interesting conversation with a Syrian cab driver about how Jews were taking over the world. I tipped him 110%, I like to be entertained

Meshugene!

I wish I was a Jew...then I could take part in all these nefarious schemes.

I wish I was a Jew...then I could take part in all these nefarious schemes.

Indeed. I could be the field man. After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew? They'd never find me out.

Indeed. I could be the field man. After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew? They'd never find me out.

There is a large black Jewish community in Ethiopia.

There is a large black Jewish community in Ethiopia.

I know, but I'll be workng in America right? Ask the next few people you see to find Ethiopia on a map. Tell me if the manage to find Africa.

Indeed. I could be the field man. After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew? They'd never find me out.

Actually I saw one in the paper. It was picture of Israeli soldiers. One of them was.....

Actually I saw one in the paper. It was picture of Israeli soldiers. One of them was.....

Pff, no one actually reads newspaper. They just order so they have a reason to show off their bathrobe in the early morning. They all watch the news.

Indeed. I could be the field man. After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew? They'd never find me out.
Um, the Candyman-Sammy Davis Jr.?

Kids these days...I tellz ya...

Um, the Candyman-Sammy Davis Jr.?

Kids these days...I tellz ya...

...Who?

After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew?

Cannot think of a name beat me to it. I cannot believe you don't know one of the most famous and successful black US entertainers...

After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew?

Lisa Bonet. Black + Jew = HOT

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/adc/10043338A~Lisa-Bonet-Posters.jpg

According to "some" (read: nearly all) of my turkish colleagues, the main reason why the U.S. has invaded Iraq and Afghanistan (and plans on conquering the rest of the [Islamic] world) is because the secreatry of defence and the members of the jsoc are jewish... Then I enlighten them about Gen. Abizaid, and things go quiet all of a sudden...

Lisa Bonet. Black + Jew = HOT

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/adc/10043338A~Lisa-Bonet-Posters.jpg


Didn't know she was jewish. Knew she was black. Agree she's quite a turn-on.

[QUOTE=Ginnoria]
crack teams of Stealth Jews [QUOTE]

For some reason I found that hilarious....you can almost hear the commentary..."Able to argue amongst themselves in total silence...".....

For some reason I found that hilarious....you can almost hear the commentary..."Able to argue amongst themselves in total silence...".....
Thanks, I try ;)

I want to write for the Onion one day. That would be awesome.

Indeed. I could be the field man. After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew? They'd never find me out.


LLIANCE OF BLACK JEWS: http://www.afreeman.com/bjmembers.html

BLACK & JEWISH: http://www.angelfire.com/ca/dorseydon/index.html

BLACK JEWS AND ISRAELITES: http://members.aol.com/BlackJews/index.html

BLACK JEWS, HEBREWS, AND ISRAELITES: http://members.aol.com/blackjews/

BLACK JEWISH RELATIONS: http://www.wiesenthal.com/resource/#black

ETHIOPIAN JEWISH HERITAGE: http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/7139/

ETHIOPIAN JEWRY HOME PAGE: http://www.cais.com/nacoej/

ETHIOPIAN JEWS IN ISRAEL: http://www.cais.com/nacoej/8.html

MINORITIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST: http://www.columbia.edu:80/cu/libraries/indiv/area/MiddleEast/minorities.html

RESCUING AN ANCIENT COMMUNITY: http://www.jafi.org.il/ethiopia/index.htm
JAFI rescue operations in Ethiopia

THE ABYUDAYA JEWS OF UGANDA: http://www.intac.com/PubService/uganda/

THE HISTORY OF ETHOPIAN JEWS: http://www.us-israel.org/jsource/Judaism/ejhist.html

(All gotten from http://www.uscj.org/metny/middletown/litvak.htm)

I wish I was a Jew...then I could take part in all these nefarious schemes.
It's fun. Just yesterday I got to plan the takeover of a major media conglomerate and Lockheed Martin!!!

Cannot think of a name beat me to it. I cannot believe you don't know one of the most famous and successful black US entertainers...
SAMMY DAVIS JR!!!!

It's fun. Just yesterday I got to plan the takeover of a major media conglomerate and Lockheed Martin!!!

Sweet! Can I come as a gentile observer? I won't get in the way!

I'll even where a jewhat!

In Soviet Russia Amtrak makes Jews late!

Actually, I think that happens in the US.......

In Soviet Russia Amtrak makes Jews late!

In US, Amtrak makes EVERYONE late.

In US, Amtrak makes EVERYONE late.
That's assuming you show up at your destination period. After all, you have to pray that you don't get mashed to pieces when the Amtrak derails.

Ford Lindbergh...now that would be an ungodly combination of anti-Jewish sentiment. :D

That's assuming you show up at your destination period. After all, you have to pray that you don't get mashed to pieces when the Amtrak derails.


Late does have two connotations -- as in, not on time and deceased. ;)

I've gone Amtrak. Lemme tell you, on a 7hr trip.... halfway through, the bathrooms alone will kill you.

After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew? They'd never find me out.

Here you go. :eek: http://images.google.com/images?q=African+Jews&hl=en&btnG=Search+Images

I suppose Mel Gibson would get a giggle from this.

Indeed. I could be the field man. After all, who's ever heard of a black Jew? They'd never find me out.
I bring to your attention Lenny Kravitz.
http://www.celebritypicturesarchive.com/pictures/l/lenny-kravitz/lenny-kravitz-099.jpg

TAKING OVER NEW ZEALAND RUGBY!
http://www.sarugby.com/news/images/people/players/Filipo_Levi.jpg
Look the bastards even have the ability to change colour!:eek:
Google Image search of Filipo Levi!
http://www.orfu.co.nz/index_files/filipo_levi.jpg =http://www.orfu.co.nz/index_files/andrew_McClintock.jpg
Both results!:eek:

I suppose Mel Gibson would get a giggle from this.

When I first saw this thread I thought Mel had join the board. :p

Bastards Poison Milk too.

A gang of jews shaved my armpits last night while I was sleeping.

There is nothing they won't do to promote chaos.

When I first saw this thread I thought Mel had join the board. :p
Are you a Jew?

:p

SAMMY DAVIS JR!!!!

Who Dinaverg says "who?" to...

LLIANCE OF BLACK JEWS: http://www.afreeman.com/bjmembers.html

BLACK & JEWISH: http://www.angelfire.com/ca/dorseydon/index.html

BLACK JEWS AND ISRAELITES: http://members.aol.com/BlackJews/index.html

BLACK JEWS, HEBREWS, AND ISRAELITES: http://members.aol.com/blackjews/

BLACK JEWISH RELATIONS: http://www.wiesenthal.com/resource/#black

ETHIOPIAN JEWISH HERITAGE: http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/7139/

ETHIOPIAN JEWRY HOME PAGE: http://www.cais.com/nacoej/

ETHIOPIAN JEWS IN ISRAEL: http://www.cais.com/nacoej/8.html

MINORITIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST: http://www.columbia.edu:80/cu/libraries/indiv/area/MiddleEast/minorities.html

RESCUING AN ANCIENT COMMUNITY: http://www.jafi.org.il/ethiopia/index.htm
JAFI rescue operations in Ethiopia

THE ABYUDAYA JEWS OF UGANDA: http://www.intac.com/PubService/uganda/

THE HISTORY OF ETHOPIAN JEWS: http://www.us-israel.org/jsource/Judaism/ejhist.html

(All gotten from http://www.uscj.org/metny/middletown/litvak.htm)


Geez. Joykillers.