NationStates Jolt Archive

I just recently confronted and thought about following dilemma in my life: when in relationships one should initiate sex?

I mean currently I am together in some relationships for two months, and we kind of like each other and we spent quite much good time together. And that's everything fine. But we did not go into any deeper sexual contact. So then I thought about: as I have heard that it is sensitive question for girls I would not want to pressure her anyway to have sex with me, and I will just wait for time when it would be for very liking of both of us.

And then on other hand, maybe she would think that I am not really interested in her and do not take our relationships seriously, and maybe she would therefore want to end our relationships. Which would be bad :( . I do not want to let her feel that I do not really appreciate her.

So then I have strange dilemma, as on one hand I would not like to pressure her for sex, on the other hand I would not like her to feel unappreciated, unhappy... "When" it is normal in relationships to initiate sex??

I would appreciate your opinions, and if it helps, I am 22.

I just recently confronted and thought about following dilemma in my life: when in relationships one should initiate sex?

I mean currently I am together in some relationships for two months, and we kind of like each other and we spent quite much good time together. And that's everything fine. But we did not go into any deeper sexual contact. So then I thought about: as I have heard that it is sensitive question for girls I would not want to pressure her anyway to have sex with me, and I will just wait for time when it would be for very liking of both of us.

And then on other hand, maybe she would think that I am not really interested in her and do not take our relationships seriously, and maybe she would therefore want to end our relationships. Which would be bad :( . I do not want to let her feel that I do not really appreciate her.

So then I have strange dilemma, as on one hand I would not like to pressure her for sex, on the other hand I would not like her to feel unappreciated, unhappy... "When" it is normal in relationships to initiate sex??

I would appreciate your opinions, and if it helps, I am 22.
Not before marriage.

Talk to her and say exactly what you posted here. If it's a good relationship then you'll probably end up laughing about the whole thing and you'll both feel better.

If the relationship is going nowhere then at least you'll know.

Whenever you can get her drunk enough.

First date. May as well try before you buy.

honest open communication.

tell her the truth have a grown up conversation.

First date. May as well try before you buy.


Long past :)

Talk to her and say exactly what you posted here. If it's a good relationship then you'll probably end up laughing about the whole thing and you'll both feel better.

If the relationship is going nowhere then at least you'll know.


That is the option, but I fear that after laughing, she may still feel that she is pressured to have sex. And as far that I have informed that girls usually would not prefer such things in beginning of relationships (so that they do not feel 'used' just for that). And then again I do not really know.

That is the option, but I fear that after laughing, she may still feel that she is pressured to have sex. And as far that I have informed that girls usually would not prefer such things in beginning of relationships (so that they do not feel 'used' just for that). And then again I do not really know.

How long has the relationship been going on?

How long has the relationship been going on?

for two months. Is it long enough?

Two months and no sex?

Shit. That's frigid.

More thanlong enough, have the talk.

That is the option, but I fear that after laughing, she may still feel that she is pressured to have sex. And as far that I have informed that girls usually would not prefer such things in beginning of relationships (so that they do not feel 'used' just for that). And then again I do not really know.
Um, okay, I can't speak for all girls obviously, but I have to say I have yet to meet even one girl who felt like that. Now, that certainly is not to say that they don't exist, because they do, and basically for good reasons, too. But seriously - it's not "typical guy" to want sex early in a relationship and "typical girl" to not want it. I know you only mention this awful generalization and try to act according to it because you want to be considerate and not hurt her. And that's really commendable. But honestly - girls are just people and they like or dislike sex as much as the next person. Just treat her like an equal in all respects and not like a dainty porcellain figure in danger of breaking if you so much as breathe on her, not even if you really only want to look out for her and not hurt her.

As has been said above: Tell her exactly what you think, and take it from there. I, for one, think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

This is so very caring and romantic!

.. right up until the point where she thinks you don't want her and are getting it somewhere else. Two months and not even talking about it?

I just recently confronted and thought about following dilemma in my life: when in relationships one should initiate sex?
You are 22, and the two of you dated for 2 months without hokking up?


Beau, you're in the friend zone by now....

Seriously, at this point, a week or two is plenty sufficient.