NationStates Jolt Archive

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_Laws

http://www.manlaws.com/

(examples of man-law)
Problem Posed
Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out?
Man Law Solution
Six Months, but only if she is drop-dead gorgeous.

Problem Posed
If a friend gets you a beer from the bar, is it acceptable for the friend to stick his finger in the opening to bring back several beers to the table at once?
Man Law Solution
No, Man Law: "You poke it, you own it."


I have been seeing tons of these "man-law" Miller Lite commercials, and it got me thinking.......

How many people follow these man laws? Do most men (and even women) agree with these laws? Do you disagree? Do you think some of these should be amended? Does anyone have any "man-laws" of their own that should be kept on record?

My man law is:

When using the urinal men should always face down or forward. Never to the left or right to look at the other individuals in the restroom.

My man law is:

When using the urinal men should always face down or forward. Never to the left or right to look at the other individuals in the restroom.

And mine is:

Always use the stall.

Alright how about this one?

You walk into a public restroom to find all the urinals full. Do you wait?

Fuck laws! Laws are meant to be broken!

And mine is:

Always use the stall.


stalls are normally smelly and drip filled. so i go for the urinal....

Alright how about this one?

You walk into a public restroom to find all the urinals full. Do you wait?


depends on how bad you have to go....

stalls are normally smelly and drip filled. so i go for the urinal....

Urine on the bottom of your shoes is better than another dude's urine splashing on your upper body. You usually can't see the fine mist, but it's there. Always.

Fuck laws! Laws are meant to be broken!
You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.

Urine on the bottom of your shoes is better than another dude's urine splashing on your upper body. You usually can't see the fine mist, but it's there. Always.



:eek:

I think i may reconsider using the urinal then....

Alright how about this one?

You walk into a public restroom to find all the urinals full. Do you wait?

I'd use the sink. It's not like I was going to wash my hands anyway.

:eek:

I think i may reconsider using the urinal then....
Wuss. All piss is is uric acid, salt, and water. AKA sweat. That's right, you go running on a hot day, you might as well have just pissed all over yourself. So don't worry about it, you have piss on you all the time anyway.

:eek:

I think i may reconsider using the urinal then....

I reconsidered when I was nine years old, when I noticed one too many guys "looking" (not at me, but I feared they might just happen to take a peek).

And mine is:

Always use the stall.
Actually, there is a bathroom etiquette. Stall gets priority. If no stall is open, take the urinal farthest from the door, so less guys have to walk past you. If there is someone at that urinal, take one that has at least one empty urinal on either side, and preferably farthest from door. If there isn't one with that much space, take the one closest to the sink, so you can get out faster.

Man Law: I don't know a PC version for this, but "Nigg** Lipping" bowls, cigs, joints, etc. is punishable by a punch in the shoulder and possible skipping on the next pass.

Man Law: If a guy asks you how many women you have slept with, add 1/3 to the real total. If a woman, subtract 2/3.

Man Law: When hugging another man, you must use as unintimate a posture as possible, followed by three claps on the back for "I'm Not Gay." Any contact longer than 2 seconds is automatically gay.

Wuss. All piss is is uric acid, salt, and water. AKA sweat. That's right, you go running on a hot day, you might as well have just pissed all over yourself. So don't worry about it, you have piss on you all the time anyway.



hmmm....

this i will have to think about.

Nope. When a friend's girlfriend broke up with him, I pretty much...

>.>
<.<

Gave her some lovin'. And now she's my girlfriend.

And I've tried to crush a can against my head. It hurts. I don't know how John Belushi did it...

Wuss. All piss is is uric acid, salt, and water. AKA sweat. That's right, you go running on a hot day, you might as well have just pissed all over yourself. So don't worry about it, you have piss on you all the time anyway.

The difference being that urine eventually smells terrible. Sometimes after using urinals, I'd have just enough "spray" on my pants and lower shirt that it would make a noticeable "bathroom" smell about three hours later.

At least you don't smell like a toilet with sweat.

Edit: Wow, I used stall instead of urinal there. Well, I'm tired, and I can't go to sleep because my dad's in my bed...

I reconsidered when I was nine years old, when I noticed one too many guys "looking" (not at me, but I feared they might just happen to take a peek).

In awe?

I reconsidered when I was nine years old, when I noticed one too many guys "looking" (not at me, but I feared they might just happen to take a peek).


i never really was paranoid about that, although its happened to me on a few occasions....

The difference being that urine eventually smells terrible. Sometimes after using stalls, I'd have just enough "spray" on my pants and lower shirt that it would make a noticeable "bathroom" smell about three hours later.

At least you don't smell like a toilet with sweat.
Uh, yeah, you do. You've never smelled stale sweat before? Try taking a cross country trip (assuming you live in the US), in a car with a busted AC, and no hotels.

The difference being that urine eventually smells terrible. Sometimes after using stalls, I'd have just enough "spray" on my pants and lower shirt that it would make a noticeable "bathroom" smell about three hours later.

At least you don't smell like a toilet with sweat.
Here's a thought. Try getting the piss IN the urinal. Two, tell the guy next to you to stop pissing on you. Cuz you def. shouldn't smell it. And locker rooms smell nothing like public restrooms, so I'm calling BS on the urine/sweat deal.

Nope. When a friend's girlfriend broke up with him, I pretty much...

>.>
<.<

Gave her some lovin'. And now she's my girlfriend.


well i did the same sort of thing, she didnt become my girlfriend, but i did go to her prom about a month after she broke up with my friend.


And I've tried to crush a can against my head. It hurts. I don't know how John Belushi did it...

you gotta crush it in the right spot on the forehead.

you gotta crush it in the right spot on the forehead.
You're supposed to put a little dink in it before the crush. I've never got it to work (or tried it).

Here's a thought. Try getting the piss IN the urinal. Two, tell the guy next to you to stop pissing on you. Cuz you def. shouldn't smell it. And locker rooms smell nothing like public restrooms, so I'm calling BS on the urine/sweat deal.

The urine splashes up regardless of where you aim it.

And don't try to say that a bit of sweat from a normal day is just as bad as dried urine on your pants. It's not.

You're supposed to put a little dink in it before the crush. I've never got it to work (or tried it).


few of my friends dont need the dink. skulls of steel.


easiest can to do it with in my experience is miller lite and red dog cans...

And don't try to say that a bit of sweat from a normal day is just as bad as dried urine on your pants. It's not.
I didn't say it was as bad...
I said they don't smell the same.

ah the age old debate of bathroom etiquette.....

I actually have a natural BO of marijuana and cigarette smoke (The hippies LOVE me.), which totally overpowers the smell of dried piss. But I don't piss on my pants unless I have to.

I actually have a natural BO of marijuana and cigarette smoke (The hippies LOVE me.), which totally overpowers the smell of dried piss. But I don't piss on my pants unless I have to.

Lucky you...? :p

I actually have a natural BO of marijuana and cigarette smoke (The hippies LOVE me.), which totally overpowers the smell of dried piss. But I don't piss on my pants unless I have to.


cannabi for men?

...But I don't piss on my pants unless I have to.

Are you often forced to piss on your pants?

Are you often forced to piss on your pants?
... I was, once ... *eyes grow distant, as a past trauma is recalled...*

Alright how about this one?

You walk into a public restroom to find all the urinals full. Do you wait?
Only if it is intermission.

cannabi for men?
:D
Awesomeness

:D
Awesomeness

if it were only my line......:(

Man law reigns supreme, all hail man law.

I once was at a truckstop taking a leak (I drive a diesel car, I can get away with it) and a trucker looker over at me in the stall and said "Nice wang son".

:eek:

I holstered the Johnson and hightailed it out of there.

Man law reigns supreme, all hail man law.

I once was at a truckstop taking a leak (I drive a diesel car, I can get away with it) and a trucker looker over at me in the stall and said "Nice wang son".

:eek:

I holstered the Johnson and hightailed it out of there.

A trucker actually said WANG?

...What the fuck...?

Man law reigns supreme, all hail man law.

I once was at a truckstop taking a leak (I drive a diesel car, I can get away with it) and a trucker looker over at me in the stall and said "Nice wang son".

:eek:

I holstered the Johnson and hightailed it out of there.



:eek:

Direct Man-Law violation! I would have hightailed it too....

A trucker actually said WANG?

...What the fuck...?


he's a trucker. of course they say wang.

if it were only my line......:(
Yea, you should have put a disclaimer on it

***May be inspired by Robin Williams***

:eek:

Direct Man-Law violation! I would have hightailed it too....

Exactly. I would have demanded he turn in his Mancard but one of the core tenents of Manlaw was violated, and thus I had the obligation to flee.

My eyes grow distant with painful memories....:eek:

:p

Man law reigns supreme, all hail man law.

I once was at a truckstop taking a leak (I drive a diesel car, I can get away with it) and a trucker looker over at me in the stall and said "Nice wang son".

:eek:

I holstered the Johnson and hightailed it out of there.
...I'm pretty sure you're lying...

...And I think diesel cars at truckstops go in violation of man law...

Yea, you should have put a disclaimer on it

***May be inspired by Robin Williams***


well how high (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0278488/) got to it first. love that film.

A trucker actually said WANG?

...What the fuck...?

Well, he didn't say

"Oh my! This bathroom is so nasty! I'll get my shoes dirty! It's so filthy! I need to find a stall so I can freshen up a little for the boys!"

:cool:

Exactly. I would have demanded he turn in his Mancard but one of the core tenents of Manlaw was violated, and thus I had the obligation to flee.

My eyes grow distant with painful memories....:eek:

:p


Violators of man law should be destroyed on sight if not on their knees begging for forgivess. and then the man should be shot anyway because begging is another man law that should not be broken.

Well, he didn't say

"Oh my! This bathroom is so nasty! I'll get my shoes dirty! It's so filthy! I need to find a stall so I can freshen up a little for the boys!"

:cool:


LOL! maybe he was a NAMBLA member....

Well, he didn't say

"Oh my! This bathroom is so nasty! I'll get my shoes dirty! It's so filthy! I need to find a stall so I can freshen up a little for the boys!"

:cool:

If I was worried about my shoes, I'd never even set foot in the fricking bathroom. :p

...I'm pretty sure you're lying...

...And I think diesel cars at truckstops go in violation of man law...


As long as it's...

A) Large
B) It's powerful
C) It's bling

It should be OK with Manlaw

No, I am not lying. Would you like to go with me to the truckstop?

If I was worried about my shoes, I'd never even set foot in the fricking bathroom. :p

Wrap yourself in Tin foil just to be safe.

*My Man Law: Always piss in the corner urinal if at all possible
*My Man Law: It is ok to piss in the shower if nobody is "sharing the shower" with me.
*My Man Law: Drinking around others is fine as long as you at least offer them something.
*My Man Law: Making fun of someone's religious beliefs is fine as long as you make fun of your own too.
*My Man Law: Midgets are automatically funny.
*My Man Law: Midgets and big women together are funnier.
*My Man Law: Crossdressing midgets and big women are the funniest.
*My Man Law: Girls>Guns>Guitar>Cars
*My Man Law: It is ok to date your ex's sister as long as you never went past 1st base and/or one month.

No, I am not lying. Would you like to go with me to the truckstop?

wow that just sounds like a bad time right there....

As long as it's...

A) Large
B) It's powerful
C) It's bling

It should be OK with Manlaw

No, I am not lying. Would you like to go with me to the truckstop?
Uh... that sounds too much like "If you wake up in the woods and your asshole hurt, would you tell anyone? If yes, you wanna go camping with me?"

And for cars, the most lawful is a van with a viking woman painted on its side... followed by almost any muscle car. Bling is not recognized manlaw. Unless you are under the statute of blackmanlaw. Hydraulics and/or low suspension are important in latinomanlaw.

Uh... that sounds too much like "If you wake up in the woods and your asshole hurt, would you tell anyone? If yes, you wanna go camping with me?"

And for cars, the most lawful is a van with a viking woman painted on its side... followed by almost any muscle car. Bling is not recognized manlaw. Unless you are under the statute of blackmanlaw. Hydraulics and/or low suspension are important in latinomanlaw.


I did not know that there were separate man laws for different races, but i definitely see the sense and necessity in it.

I did not know that there were separate man laws for different races, but i definitely see the sense and necessity in it.
It's not really races, but societies that use race as an easy guideline...

But, yeah, different races have different standards of manliness. Therefore, slightly different manlaws to fit their seperate customs.

It's not really races, but societies that use race as an easy guideline...

But, yeah, different races have different standards of manliness. Therefore, slightly different manlaws to fit their seperate customs.


yeah because hydraulics and 22s in the trunk should not be acceptable under white man law.

yeah because hydraulics and 22s in the trunk should not be acceptable under white man law.
This is true. However, we should point out here that white man laws are really a bastion of southern man. At least, it seems that way to me, but I'm from the south.

This is true. However, we should point out here that white man laws are really a bastion of southern man.


really? how so?


(not trying to be an asshole, just curious)

a little new to the whole man-law thing.

This is true. However, we should point out here that white man laws are really a bastion of southern man. At least, it seems that way to me, but I'm from the south.
Actually, I think it's more like the last bastion of hope for the last few generations of men (the ones that fought in WWII and Vietnam). It's basically taking their morals and values (especially stoicism), and making them somewhat comedic.

really? how so?


(not trying to be an asshole, just curious)

a little new to the whole man-law thing.
Think about it. Northerners invented PC. Southerners, man-laws. Most man-laws are universal, but still, remember the chain.

Women>Guns>Guitar>Cars(should read sports(muscle under this cat.) cars and big trucks, cuz thats what it means)
Now, tell me if that doesn't sound like a drunk southerner talking? A northerner would have put

Myself>Women>Cars>And no way in hell a guitar goes on the list

It would be stereos and speakers instead :D


[/dickheadpost]

I have another one

It is against Man-Law for a man to wear flip-flops under any circumstances....

Think about it. Northerners invented PC. Southerners, man-laws. Most man-laws are universal, but still, remember the chain.

Women>Guns>Guitar>Cars(should read sports(muscle under this cat.) cars and big trucks, cuz thats what it means)
Now, tell me if that doesn't sound like a drunk southerner talking? A northerner would have put

Myself>Women>Cars>And no way in hell a guitar goes on the list

It would be stereos and speakers instead :D


[/dickheadpost]


actually what you say makes complete sense. no dickheadness about it (is dickheadness a word? it should be.)

I have been livin in Ga for about a year now, and after thinking about how men are here. You're right. But in GA its Trucks>Beer>Falcons>Myself>Women

Think about it. Northerners invented PC. Southerners, man-laws. Most man-laws are universal, but still, remember the chain.

Women>Guns>Guitar>Cars(should read sports(muscle under this cat.) cars and big trucks, cuz thats what it means)
Now, tell me if that doesn't sound like a drunk southerner talking? A northerner would have put

Myself>Women>Cars>And no way in hell a guitar goes on the list

It would be stereos and speakers instead :D


[/dickheadpost]
Hey, I'm from Jersey, man, and that ain't true.
Women>My ESP LTD MH-300>Guns>The '69 Charger I hope to inherit someday.

Hey, I'm from Jersey, man, and that ain't true.
Women>My ESP LTD MH-300>Guns>The '69 Charger I hope to inherit someday.
...............

You did realize I was kidding?
And Acronyms don't really tell me much. I don't know what a ESP LTD MH-300 is.


By the way, if you're from Jersey, then I already know you're full of shit. Cuz drugs should be on that list.

Think about it. Northerners invented PC. Southerners, man-laws. Most man-laws are universal, but still, remember the chain.

Women>Guns>Guitar>Cars(should read sports(muscle under this cat.) cars and big trucks, cuz thats what it means)
Now, tell me if that doesn't sound like a drunk southerner talking? A northerner would have put

Myself>Women>Cars>And no way in hell a guitar goes on the list

It would be stereos and speakers instead :D
Well, you have one of two right. I am Southern but regrettably I am stone sober. Now, anyone want to lead me in Sweet Home Alabama (yes, I am from 'Bama).

And I thought about something I'm gonna face next month when I go to college. What is the man law about "self-pleasure" when you have another male rooming with you?

...............

You did realize I was kidding?
And Acronyms don't really tell me much. I don't know what a ESP LTD MH-300 is.


By the way, if you're from Jersey, then I already know you're full of shit. Cuz drugs should be on that list.


LOL and even more so if from the Trenton or Camden area. Perth Amboy too.

Well, you have one of two right. I am Southern but regrettably I am stone sober. Now, anyone want to lead me in Sweet Home Alabama (yes, I am from 'Bama).

And I thought about something I'm gonna face next month when I go to college. What is the man law about "self-pleasure" when you have another male rooming with you?
LOL, thats not the real problem. The real problem is public bathrooms, if your dorm has a bathroom for the floor as opposed to one in the room. That's when jerking off gets REAL complicated. Short version, make sure they're out for a bit.

what about man-laws for eating in public?

one of mine is

A Man must eat with his elbows on the table. especially with wings.....

Fuck laws! Laws are meant to be broken!


not these laws

not these laws


Yes. they are not just laws, they are a way of life. at times the only way of life.

Wuss. All piss is is uric acid, salt, and water. AKA sweat. That's right, you go running on a hot day, you might as well have just pissed all over yourself. So don't worry about it, you have piss on you all the time anyway.
Close.

Piss is water, urea, urochrome, creatinine and uric acid (and also possibly contains various inorganic ions, including sodium and chloride, as well as some vitamins and hormones your body doesn't need at the moment.) If there is sugar in your piss, you have diabetes; get help. There may also be fractions of ... recreational drugs ... in your piss, which may or may not reproduce the effects when you imbibed the drugs the first time.

There are two kinds of sweat:
-- "eccrine sweat" (all over body) is water, various salts (inorganic ions) and urea, for temperature regulation, and
-- "apocrine sweat" that contains fatty materials (pits and genitalia), which provide food for bacteria and make sweat stink.

Piss <> Sweat

***
Unless you have a urinary tract or kidney infection, piss is sterile as it leaves your body; it makes a great antiseptic. If someone is dehydrated and you can't get them Gatorade or Pedialyte, piss will rehydrate the individual better than water (best be fresh from the source ... one minute after urination, piss becomes a haven for bacterial growth.)

There are long-established medical ... theories ... which advocate regular drinking of your own body's "golden elixir."

Melatonin is the hormone your body produces and consumes to regulate sleep; your morning urine is a prime source of melatonin.

And an enzyme in urine, urokinase, is a proven drug for breaking up blood clots in your blood vessels and preventing stroke....

When Magellan's fleet of five ships set out to circumnavigate, each ship was stocked with 50 casks of pure water. HAR! Not nearly enough ... but the crews managed, of course ...

So, perhaps being "piss shy" is not inherently a survival trait ...

...............

You did realize I was kidding?
And Acronyms don't really tell me much. I don't know what a ESP LTD MH-300 is.


By the way, if you're from Jersey, then I already know you're full of shit. Cuz drugs should be on that list.
ESP LTD MH-300 = One sweet, sweet guitar.

And, please, drugs (especially booze) are a given, but this is about manlaw, not drug law.

...snip...
Wow.

Wow.


yeah.


NS never ceases to amaze me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_Laws

http://www.manlaws.com/

(examples of man-law)
Problem Posed
Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out?
Man Law Solution
Six Months, but only if she is drop-dead gorgeous.

Problem Posed
If a friend gets you a beer from the bar, is it acceptable for the friend to stick his finger in the opening to bring back several beers to the table at once?
Man Law Solution
No, Man Law: "You poke it, you own it."


I have been seeing tons of these "man-law" Miller Lite commercials, and it got me thinking.......

How many people follow these man laws? Do most men (and even women) agree with these laws? Do you disagree? Do you think some of these should be amended? Does anyone have any "man-laws" of their own that should be kept on record?

My man law is:

When using the urinal men should always face down or forward. Never to the left or right to look at the other individuals in the restroom.

As a woman, I tend to giggle at any adult man who requires "laws" to solve such problems. I mean, how do you reach adulthood not knowing how to use a urinal?

As a woman, I tend to giggle at any adult man who requires "laws" to solve such problems. I mean, how do you reach adulthood not knowing how to use a urinal?

Women arent meant to understand Man Law.


Man Law?